facebook and follow me on twitter and instagram. thanks for watching. "the greg gutfeld show" is next. see you next week. hi, i'm greg gutfeld. now with even more scrubbing bubbles. here's what's coming up. kenya believe it? clinton gets a key endorsement from a guy in the white house. we forget his name. trump had a rough week. will it get better, worse, or purposele? i picked purple because it's my favorite color, america. and later, joanne and kat hit the streets to talk to complete strangers. how unusual. just send us the awards now. let's get started, america. the dolcalax is kicking in. [ applause ]

yeah. yeah. yeah! let's welcome tonight's guest. he has the heart of a war and the dimples of brad pith. his new book, "in the arena." [ applause ] sexy man. not her. for her, the glass is always half empty, because she gulped the other half. joanne nosuchinsky, she's a drunk. and last night's corn, he shows up every morn. the sexier half of "imus in the morning," bernie mcguirk. [ applause ] she's like a runner's cramp, sharp and painful, katherine timpf.

he's smart and funny like a professor in his underwear, the great sam morrell. [ applause ] but first, like flatulence trailing you into a crowded elevator, hillary clinton can't shake her e-mails. a state department claims releasing them from three of clip's former aides would take 75 years. which would take us to 2091 a.d. ♪ 2091, i'll be 127 years young, and married to a dog. plus it will be legal then. let's ask the state department why it takes so long. >> i refer you to the court filing. it's a very broad range involving a number of people over a period of four years, and

it's not an outlandish estimation, believe it or not. >> i don't believe it. so e-mails sent over four years takes 75 to read. shouldn't reading four years of e-mails take less than four years? they weren't e-mailing all day. and if it involved a few people, just hire the same number of people to read them. this is like one of those word problems from the s.a.t.s that i never understood. six people sent 2,000 e-mails over four years. how long does it take to read those e-mails if you devoted 40 hours a week to it while naked? something to think about. so what's going to happen in the next 75 years as we wait for these e-mails? global warming will have wiped out manhattan, florida, and hopefully justin bieber. larry king will interview president chelsea clinton. walt disney's unfrozen head will be playing poke we are ted williams. 75 years is a long time to wait for e-mails.

consider the stuff that took way less time. the interstate highway system, 35 years. binge watching "house of cards," and "the sopranos," 12 kaydays. the fall of the longest human mattress domino chain, 13 minutes. wow. human mattress, after all, was my nickname. the cold war, 44 years. the civil war, four years. the revolutionary war, eight years. the industrial revolution, 70. in fact, it took roughly 75 years to go from flapping wings on a bicycle to this. >> that's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.

>> we can send a man to the moon, allegedly, surely the state department can unload the e-mails in under 75 years. but maybe they just don't want to. it's like me trying to get a table at the olive garden. they always say, mr. gutfeld, it's going to be a while, going to be a while. but i know they don't want to serve me. it's so unfair. i fell on that bread stick. [ laughter ] which is exactly what i told the emergency room. all right. bernie, i'm going to go to you first. >> why? >> 75 years seems like a long time. >> it surely does. they still haven't found a cure for baldness, but the fix is in. it's a coverup. we already know what's going on. i mean, that's why he was able

to endorse hillary, because they know nothing is going to happen until we're all dead and buried. >> she's waiting for her critics to die out. but she'll be dead, too. >> most likely. >> unless they -- >> unless she's not human. >> okay. >> i mean, they built 3 1/2 pyramids over the period of time it would take to read these e-mails from three people. they claim that it's impossible so they can either ask for our money or just do nothing. both of which don't solve the problem. >> by the way, those pyramids, garbage. >> i got to look at myself in the tv thing right there. i look like a pilgrim. >> you look like harrison ford

in the middle of "witness" about to have sex with kelly mcgillis. >> yeah, hillary is -- if you're a liberal, hillary is being a liberal to what a-rod is to being a yankees fan. you just accept they're a liar because they can help us win. >> trump is your crazy uncle who you have to go the next day and apologize to all your neighbors because he didn't close his robe, but he always buys the best presents. >> speaking about exposure, i feel like the state department doesn't want us to see something. that's what this is about. there's something they want to hide. if you're not going to tell me, i'm going to expect the worse. i'm going to imagine what it is. maybe it's not hillary, maybe it's a cyborg, like you said, not even a human. >> yes. i think that it could be something very damaging. how ironic that bill's ball and

chain could end up with one. [ laughter ] >> well, if it's going to take 75 years, they don't have unlimited resources to hire more people. oh, wait, they do. they have all the resources. they have a department for everything. i call shenanigans. >> watch your language, lass. shenanig shenanigans, that's for hannity. >> 75 years, or as i call it, one bernie. [ laughter ] bernie sanders is -- he's abling the way obama aged. but he's getting smaller and pinker and whiter. he looks like a bagel with locks. jews age like hamsters. >> meanwhile, the grease spot on his bag lunch keeps getter bigger and bigger, because he keeps thinking he can keep that

tuna fish sandwich just one more day. >> they're doing everything they can to not address the fact that she utterly violated multiple federal laws, so they're spending 75 years pulling through documents to make sure they don't. >> somebody interviewed hillary today and she had the most unusual response. do we have that? can you talk about vice presidential prospects? [ inaudible ] >> this is a good time to announce that it's actually hillary bobblehead night. >> listen, what they're doing is they're making the topic so that your eyes glaze over, like benghazi, same thing. every time you hear about the e-mails, your eyes glaze over so thepublic doesn't care about

it. >> yit's going to be unbelievable. >> that i can tell you. >> e-mails, four kids from m.i.t. could go through those e-mails in between porn shows. president obama endorsed hillary clinton any way on thursday. >> i don't think there's ever been someone so qualified to hold this office. >> that's amazing. i mean, he's just factored in every president, since like the 1500s. do you buy that? do you think he was kidding? >> i'm going to do the best impression i can of someone utterly lying looking into a camera. there's nothing to -- by the way, he loathes hillary. we know the relationship between those families.

it's a sham. an internet video is probably the leadid it. >> she clinched the nomination already, right? him, biden, and warren came out yesterday, after she clinches the nomination. this is like me getting on the golden state warriors ban wagon last tuesday. >> i wait until everybody is for something and then i go, i'm for it. >> did he bring up gay marriage because he's holding up that stuffed animal? >> i don't know what you're talking about. thoughts on it? do you care about endorsements? >> it was a sad image for me. i like bernie and to see him like put his arm around bernie. it was like look, it's not you,

bernie, i'm breaking up with you. bernie, i relate to him because i argue with my girlfriend the way bernie debated hillary. i know i didn't have a shot deep down, i just wanted to get my ideas out there. [ laughter ] >> the bernie people, the endorsement doesn't matter. they're still going to be pro bernie, 100%. bernie could die, and they would be like, the system is rigged, he could still be president. >> before we go to break, it's time for this week's moment of puke. on thursday, joy behar tweeted this. there's her and bernie sanders, and the caption reads, i'm sexually attracted to bernie, and even i want him to pull out. joanne, this has been our moment of puke. do you feel okay? >> i just want to say, the prompter did say let him wash over you for a second. no, i don't want that anywhere near me. >> she should have followed up,

but then again at my age, she doesn't have to. [ laughter ] >> biology is fact. all right. coming up, your 200 day weather forecast. going to be some sun, rain, some snow. and then we're all going to be dead. but next, clinton and trump goes round and round on twitter. who won the battle and who will win the war? my money is on luxembourg. [phon]

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grab a seat. these two tweet. an all-out drag out twitter war erupted this week for the two presumptive nominees.

yes, actual adults who want to lead a country. donald trump fired first. obama just endorsed crooked hillary. he wants four more years of obama, but nobody else does. brilliant. your move, paula pant suit. delete your account. hilarious. that quickly became her most popular tweet ever. quite an achievement for someone closing in on 70. and the rnc chairman reince priebus, not like he has something to do, wrote, if anyone knows how to use a delete key, it's you. >> oh! [ applause ] >> the only applause reince priebus will ever get. and journalist will ron jumped in and said, to be honest, we

should delete our accounts. and then, too late for some of us, wrote anthony weiner. what did i miss, sam? they're acting like kids at duelling slumber parties. are they going to poop in a bag and leave it on somebody's porch? >> this is the only time we hear from anthony weiner, though. it's like he peps up and reminisces about [ bleep ] -- >> hey, hey. >> that tweet was amazing. that brought me more joy than i've experienced in a long time. >> i think that's a statement about you, kat. >> i think so, too. but we're all doing our best. >> once a week, eliot spitzer and anthony weiner get together and talk about what could have been. >> did they do anything worse

than what bill clinton did? >> no. >> why are we so harsh on them? >> i have a theory if they're on twitter, they're not in your pocket. >> that hillary tweet, she did not come up with that. >> exactly right. >> one of her little interns did. >> you know who i think came up with it? she's been hanging out with her buddy, elizabeth warren. she's all about ruining trump on twitter and hillary was like hey, look at this. and liz is like hey, write delete your account. it's so true of a leftist to reply like that. there's speech you don't like, so they silence you. i'm not going to respond with more speech, which is how it should be done. >> itto put up delete in a twee the next one is going to be,

what difference does it make? [ laughter ] >> so delete your account is a thing. someone thought that was a good idea for hillary clinton. >> trying to be young, cool, and hip, which we all know she's not. >> they went with the irony here? do you think they really didn't know? that shows you how out of the absolute loop they are. >> when everybody saw that, i was just waiting. trump should have been the first one to say, you know how to delete things. >> well, it happened instantaneously. people are lamenting the fact that they have these two as candidates.

this is mike tyson versus tonya harding, man. this is going to be great. [ applause ] i'm into this. >> i would even go further. i would say that it's two different species. it's like a bear versus an alligator. they have different skill sets. it's like, hillary is going to be coached for her debates. how can you coach against trump? >> exactly. how do you handicap a fight like that? >> i would love to see those rehearsals, though. people yelling obscenities. how does she respond? >> it's like she goes, when i was secretary of state -- >> when you killed four people! like a freight train orangutan. [ laughter ] i don't know what that meant. >> it seems like the things that hurt hillary, it doesn't seem

like anything slows down donald trump. he says a racist comment, and paul ryan is like, yeah, he shouldn't have done that. >> and then people are mad at ryan. >> he's like, come on, i just endorsed you. >> paul ryan is a -- we were talking about bernie sanders and the soviets. coming out against -- it's arguable that he made a racist comment. he was talking about the judge being biased. not that mexicans are interior intellectually. >> our job isn't to explain trump. >> he did not make a racist comment. >> last word. >> i like paul ryan, but it was totally unnecessary. for some reason, the left can talk about race all day long and if the right does, we're racist.

>> all right. you're ganging up on poor sam. >> how about i tell a racist joke then. [ laughter ] first, my choice for a third party candidate. it will blow your mind all over your face. [ applause ] i love that my shop is part of the morning ritual around here.

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i have a theory. we have two party candidates. they're awful. why? because they're human. i want a robot president. here's why. one, you don't have to feed a robot. you know, judges are 65% more likely to grant parole after having lunch. food affects your work. it's like doing donkey squats at the gym. as you get tired and hungry, you drop the barbell on your foot, you end up in the hospital hooked on drugs, then in amsterdam doing porn, and not the good kind. robots eat nothing, so there's no more mistakes based on low blood sugar.

who wants a president nuking cuba because he nuked a bad boar reito? two, robots are sexless. bill clinton pleasured an intern in the oval office. the odds ofre nil with a robot. unless it's this guy. even if our robot in chief finds a sexual partner, who is he hurting? robots don't marry, so there's no infidelity, so plug away, little fellow. three, robots stick to a plan. need proof? here's one solving a rubix cube. that's impressive. now, the past mortgage crisis was caused by bankers handing out loans to anyone who showed up. the result, billions of dollars

lost. an algarhythm based on income and debt would have stopped that, but a robot, do you think a robot would approve of a sanctuary city? hell no. every bad decision is based on somebody's feelings. robots don't have them. which is why i nominate watson, which trounced "jeopardy's" best players. he's got nothing but a switch, and if he doesn't work out, you can just shut him out and throw your dirty clothes all over him. [ applause ] sam, do you have any thoughts about a third party? could it be a robot, human, any thoughts? >> my girlfriend has a part of a robot in her bedside night stand. she got a vibrator, and i got an

xbox, so we're spending less time together. either way, we're both thinking about lebron. [ laughter ] >> kat -- >> i love gary johnson. i'm feeling the johnson, for sure. i like him. it's great. and i think he's going to pull a lot from the left and not just the right. >> i think you're right. >> a lot of the bernie supporters, i could see going to them, because a lot of them agree with him. >> yes. >> which is very important to me. so yeah, i think that he can pull for both sides. i just want to see him on stain at the debates. trump, hillary, gary. awesome. >> i think trump will destroy gary, because he's too nice of a guy. bernie, you hate this idea. >> look, gary johnson, he's a little -- he's a little off

kilter is all. i don't know if you've seen him. >> i know him. >> the last time he smoked pot was five weeks ago on fox news, as a matter of fact. >> so what. he's also climbed mt. everest. he was a successful governor of a state. >> that's why he's going to take from hillary. he's pro-legalization of pot. he's going to take bernie sanders' foreign policies. and he called trump a nazi. so the hillary voters will like that, as well. and by the way, as far as having a robot, you want a if the with some passion and some anger. to schmooze. ronald reagan schmoozed gorbachev. bill clinton felt our pain. >> and other things. >> you're right about that. >> did i step on your joke? i felt like i just did. you were about to say something

perverted. >> the liberal nerds who programmed these robots, like the way they programmed google, they can affect the outcome of what a robot says, as well. so it's not flawless. >> we don't want a nerd president. >> can we just do the constitution and declaration of rights? >> you put it in and all it says is no to everything that's happened since 1990. that's what would happen. you just go hey, we would like you to do this. no! and then you just leave. >> i'm really surprised that you want a robot president. you're a complete hypocrite considering what you said two weeks ago. can we roll that? >> becoming a vegan because you know robots will destroy you is not a conspiracy. that is going to happen. >> that's going to happen and i've been living in fear for the past two weeks. but input/output would be the

best idea. if you had artificial intelligence lead thing country. but people don't like that. you see it with siri on your phone. we love when she tells jokes or she answers you with a funny quip. people like that. that's why we like our presidential candidates on twitter joking around. >> our next segment is about the very question you bring up. >> what did i say? >> i don't remember. >> she's been smoking pot with kat. that's the problem. >> they didn't like your joke. >> can we make the robot look like ross perot? he always gives us bill clinton twice. >> that depressed me. a story so hot, it's like a cross between me and my reflection. but first, has a little known startup called google figured out how to stop artificial intelligence from destroying humanity? i hope so. i still haven't finished season two of "will and grace."

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a button that's red could prevent all our dead. i speak of the artificial intelligence company who wants to build a big red button that could one day save the world from artificial intelligence once it becomes smarter than humans. this is true and crazy. in the near future, machines will far surpass human intelligence, becoming what's called super intelligent, rendering humans to nothing but dribbling farm animals like this goat. [ speaking foreign language ] [ goat screaming ] >> laugh. but that will be us. researchers agree that once a.i., like siri on your phone, joanne, becomes self-aware will

be impossible to shut off. when that happens, it may be necessary for a human operator to press the big red button to prevent the agent from continuing a harmful sequence of actions. harmful either for the agent or for the environment and lead the agent into a safer situation. translation -- the only thing stopping us from the terminator is a button. a red button. here's a picture of red buttons. [ laughter ] sorry, i couldn't resist. he we're talking about mitigating a disaster. do you buy my theory? this is crazy. >> i'm into your theory, because it's a theory. red buttons, is there a giant red button? >> yes, one of them. >> or like where there's a

vulnerability on a robot. >> a robot is going to say, hey, press my button. so you have to have the artificial intelligence contained in the button separate and far away. but sooner or later, here's my problem -- >> who controls the button? >> a.i. will trick you into thinking they're stupid and they control it. jo, isn't the big red button no different than trump's giant wall? >> yes, have mexico pay for the button. people hear the idea of a red button, there needs to be like a circuit breaker, turn it off. it sounds so simple like a wall. but sometimes you don't need all that technology in order to protect us from disaster. sometimes it is just this simple idea, and kind of breaking away from that sort of growth and thought in technology can be a good thing. >> to think simple. you know what, you gave me an idea. you only have one chance to stop

super intelligence, because once the race starts, they win. so you have to pull a tonya harding on artificial intelligence. you got to go nancy kerrigan with a tire iron. that artificial intelligence is nancy kerrigan and you have to whack it. >> look, i'm up for all the intelligence we can get. there's a lot of stupidity out there. i'm pro intelligence, artificial or otherwise, and i don't even know what it is. >> that's why we're doomed. we're doomed, kat. >> where do you think of these things? what happens to you when you're thinking about worrying about robots killing you? >> it's artificial intelligence. >> i don't know the difference, because i have normal things to worry about. >> think about this, think about the fact that humans were made by genes, right? we are basically genes creating artificial intelligence. it's in the literature.

>> i picture it like that simpson's episode of itchy and scratchy land, you just get a flash camera and kill them. >> you laugh at me. this is why i voted for -- i want a robot as a third patty president. i'm kissing their ass now. because when it happens, they're going to remember me, and i'm going to be the hero. >> you're like a modern day noah's ark. >> i am. i am noah and the ark. >> they'll kill all of us and you'll be their sex slave. >> i don't mind. >> that's what he wants. >> that's what i'm working for, sam. i will be on like a chariot. they'll be carrying me through the city. you guys will be crying in your own filth.

>> he's supporting gary johnson, folks. >> not really. i don't know who i'm supporting anymore. i'm supporting a break. coming up, the geopolitical ramifications if great britain exits the european union. just kidding. up next, joanne and kat hit the streets. not really. they would break their pretty little hand it is they did that. you can worry about them. you can even choose a car for them. (mom) honey, are you ok? (child) i'm ok. (announcer vo) love. (mom) we're ok. (announcer vo) it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. man, it's like pure power at your finger tips. like the power to earn allstate reward points, every time i drive. ...want my number? and cash back for driving safe. and the power to automatically find your car...

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are you a jerk if you nod off at work? this week, a virgin founder and my ice dancing partner richard branson caught an employee sleeping on the job at an australian airport. wrote branson, wow, did he get a shock when he woke up. he then peed in his ear. according to career experts, skimping on sleep is one of the biggest mistakes millennials make when joining the workforce. i sent our millennials joanne and kat to learn more. they came back with something like the opposite. >> so you have millennial employees? >> yes, we do. >> eww. >> yeah. >> do you have personal experience with millennials? >> i have an intern right now

and he's very lazy. >> sit just that you're not giving him enough to do? >> he has plenty to do. what is is your first job ever? [ inaudible ] >> what was your first job? >> my first job was actually a teacher, kindergarten teacher new york city. >> i was a traffic helicopter giving the wrong directions and i was fired. >> ever said anything bad about a co-worker behind your back? >> no -- >> you're lying. why would you lie to me? >> how much wood do you think a woodchuck could chuck if he hired ten employees and paid them $15 an hour? >> umm -- >> agree or disagree, it's okay to take a two-hour lunch. >> negative. >> okay to have your intern paint your house. >> disagree. >> what it's on the weekend?

>> no. >> dress for the job you want not the job you have. >> agree. >> me too. that's where i'm dressed like a trophy wife. wearing flip-flops in the office is okay if you have a pedicure. >> agree. >> can we cut the camera? so your boss is in a truck out there, heard your last answer and you're fired. >> oh, my goodness. >> it's okay to have interns peel your banana. >> disagree. >> it's not a euphemism, just like peeling your breakfast banana. >> disagree. >> wow. >> acceptable to use emoji when e-mailing your boss? >> agree. >> mike waving fish in the office kitchen is unacceptable. >> definitely agree. >> thank you. me, too. stop. gregg jarrett. >> lou dobbs is hotter than ryans goaling? >> depends? >> on.

>> are they wearing shirts or not? >> no. >> then yes. >> lou dobbs is hotter than ryan gosling. >> i don't know who lou dobs is, but ryan is a stud. [ applause ] >> terrible. anything upset you at the workplace? >> yes. someone i once caught someone stealing milk, my milk from the company refrigerator. and i assaulted that person. but that's not why i got fired. it's because i broke one of her crutches. >> you know what? it's a crutch, and you get people off crutches -- >> i work from home, so i'm my own boss. but i'm a very laid back employer. you're not going to work for a lot of people that motor the deadline, go ahead and [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> i don't know what that means. what about you? >> millennials, they don't work

hard. >> what's wrong with millennials? >> there's a survey that came out that said they really wanted to defeat isis, they just want someone else to do it. our great colleague here at fox, tucker carlson, once fell asleep on air and he's still here doing great. you can fall asleep on live television and fox is still cool about it. >> they just think you're thinking hard. >> which he always is. >> he flies by the seat of his pants. you know, what i -- people have to stop bringing reading material into the bathroom, because it's just -- when somebody walks in with reading material, i find that very strange. and it's on my floor. >> you know they're going in to read. >> it's a strange thing. i understand home, but this is a work bathroom. we're not supposed to spend time, like this is not supposed to be leisure. you go in there and you see

people you know, you hope you don't hear anything. [ laughter ] >> they're still working on some business. >> now they're going in with ipads and god knows what else. >> and then you can hear behind a stall when their phone rings and they answer it and they're talking to somebody while they're on the toilet. >> hi, mom. >> yeah, exactly. all you have to do to piss him you have is flush a toilet, just to remind him, this is not the place. >> joe macky called me on the toilet and i flushed and said "that's your act." final thoughts, up next. keep i.t pithy. where i have heard that before? [ guitar playing ]

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♪ experience the thrill of the lexus gs f sport. because the ultimate expression of power, is control. this is the pursuit of perfection. almost out of time. so -- >> what you wanted to say all show but haven't had the chance

to say, so here's your chance to say it, right now. >> all right. pete. >> i've got a new book out called "in the arena" that i should have had you blurb. tonya harding did, though. i wanted to get a third reference of tonya harding in the show tonight. it's a book about citizenship. >> excellent. buy that book. jo. >> the girl who said that you can sent emojis to her boss, her name is olivia, and her mother is a huge fan of you and the show. so hi, olivia's job. and i hope your daughter gets employed soon. >> bernie? >> "imus in the morning" in new york city, check it out. >> sam? >> i have an album called class act. i'll be in bloomington, indiana, and the comedy addict july 14-16 and washington, d.c. july 22 and 23rd.

>> kat? >> well, i was actually thinking that emotions are never helpful. >> right. >> because the bad ones are painful, and then the good ones, they make you stupid, and then they only serve to hurt your more when whatever you were happy turns out to be a disappointment. you're tormented by memories of former happiness. that's what i was thinking. >> that's deep. >> good way to end it. >> i'll also be in vermont. >> thank you, kat. always bringing up the show at the end. all right. thanks to pete, bernie, sam, joanne, and kat, and our lovely studio audience. i'm greg gutfeld. i love you, america. >> lou dobbs is hotter than ryan gosling? >> agree. >> lou doyes, 100%.

>> correct. >> lou donees is way hotter than ryan gosling? >> i've got to disagree. >> okay. but let me show you this photo of lou dobbs. do you agree now? >> no. >> okay, lou donees is hotter than ryan gosling. >> who is lou donees? >> this is over. welcome to "red eye." hello, everyone, i'm tom shillue. let's check in with tv's andy levey. >> thanks, tom. coming up on the big show, hillary clinton is the first woman to secure the position as a woman in admonishing. and a mom receives over 400,000 in free stuff for wearing a chewbacca mask will that's more money than peter got for playing the part. and steph curry announces he will not play for team usa in the olympics. his hatred of america next. >>