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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  October 1, 2016 7:00pm-8:01pm PDT

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hi, i'm lou dobbs in for greg gutfeld. here's what's coming up. 38 days to go and one of these candidates has just received a stunning rebuke of the "star trek" cast. you know, as they say, as "star trek" depose, so goes the nation. the most underreported story of the week. violent crime rose in 2015. seems kind of important leading up to an election, don't you think? and what do naked katy perry and not-naked katie johnson have in common? beats me. i think i left my pants in the par
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park. >> there are you are. yes! let's welcome tonight's guest, shall we? he's so tough, he flosses with piano wire. former congressman lieutenant general alan west. he's so bright that deer freeze when they see him coming. harvard law professor, alan dershowitz, the legend! his new book is called "electile dysfunction." it sounds filthy, but it isn't. and finally, a hula hoop is his toe ring, tyrus! but first, all right, the nerds have spoken, "star trek" is anti-trump. on facebook, yes, it's true, hold yourselves. a bunch of chuckleheads from "star trek" franchises inked a petition telling fans not to vote for donald. they wrote, quote, never has there been a presidential candidate who stands in such
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complete opposition to the ideals of the "star trek" universe. wow. so does that mean donald will lose the vote of men in their late 30s who have never seen an actual female breast? does it mean trump loses the adult sweaty male vote, who fondle novelty action figures while in their torn boxers? and what of the balding, bearded contingent who sleep in the same bunk bed that they previously stained as a child, still located in their distraught parent's home? could be, except that one person didn't sign it, and it's the only one who matters. >> i've lost the enterprise. >> jim. >> oh, man. >> brando could not hold a candle to him, but it's not just "star trek" going after trump, the u.n. news center tweeted this and then pulled this post, that called for 9 million americans abroad to stop trump. now, i'm thinking that should be
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a badge of honor. the u.n. has turned a blind eye to so much atrocity, yet bravely goes after trump. screw you. the u.n. criticizing you is like ganghas khan calling you cruel. it's like ivan the terrible calling you terrible. finally, there's "usa today" saying don't vote for donald. has anyone ever taken advice from "usa today"? it's our nation's school paper. without the review of pippin. they always had pippin in my school. meanwhile, trump continues tweeting, in the wee hours of friday morning about, you guessed it with, the beauty queen. he wrote this, did crooked hillary help disgusting check out exsex tape and past alicia m. become a u.s. citizen so she could use her in the debate? no, donald, she laid the bait during the debate. >> he called this woman "miss
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piggy." then he called her "miss housekeeping" because she was latina. donald, she has a name -- >> where did you find -- >> her name is alicia machado. now, he could have let it go, but, no, he let it get to him all week, turning a love handle into 30 pounds of ugly flab. and what of the sniffing? >> look, perhaps we'll be talking about that later. [ sniffing ] so many hundreds and hundreds of companies are doing this. [ sniffing ] our country's in deep trouble. [ sniffing ] >> trump blamed the mike and he's probably right, but howard dean disagreed. >> following a bunch of sniffles, you wrote twitter, notice trump sniffing all the time, coke user? >> well, you can't make a diagnosis over the television, i would never do that. but he had some interesting -- that is actually a signature of people who use cocaine. >> that from an actual doctor who once did this. >> and then we're going to
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washington, d.c. to take back the white house! yeah! >> so i'm wondering, what drug causes that? >> all of them. all of them! somebody better check this doctor's prescription pad, eh? if i were a doctor, that thing would be empty. so dean's since apologized. so he went to donald for a comment. >> take it off your head. come on, baby, you can do this. you can do it. good boy. good boy. good boy. >> typical cokehead. they use it and they run away. actually, that was roger clinton. so, looking back, hillary finessed donald and he still seemed to have pulled back during the debate. maybe to him, the debates are like a three-day rock festival, where you save all the good drugs till the end. but why would he lay off
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hillary? who would tell him to be quiet. maybe that's the best debate prep of all. practice how long you can stay silent. well, that was stupid. and i get paid for that crap. >> period! >> colonel wex, you got "star trek" cast members, producers, and writers. you have the u.n., you have "usa today" going after you. isn't this a good sign? >> well, you know, i have always kind of been privy to the r romulans and what are the other guys, the klingons, they're very war-like, but maybe we can resurrect spock and he can do the vulcan mindmeld, and that can help trump for the next debate. maybe he needs to get some of those breatheright strips and that will help him with the sniffing thing. it's amazing all of the things going on in the country and we're sitting up talking about some miss universe 20 years ago. 20 years ago, i was running
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around getting shot at by bad guys. i think that's a little bit more important. but i think trump needs to, instead of worrying about the art of the deal, he should read "the art of war," because he needs to understand the strategic environment. he needs to understand how you take an opposition's perceived strength and turn it against him. there's no doubt about it, after those first 30-some-odd minutes of that debate, they said woe, , we're going to change the direction of this debate, get him off his game and he fell for it. and he continues to fall for it. >> he can't let it go, can he? it's like that opposition research they did on trump must have worked. i almost said bill clinton. they kind of remind me of the same thing. it worked, because they knew what would push his buttons. and then he started pushing it all week and he wouldn't stop. >> but they still haven't found the sex tape. the key is that if they did, he would still get the support of many people he's getting. the only thing that makes me
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have any doubt. i'm a tremendous hillary clinton supporter, until you told me that the u.n. opposed to trump, i'm now reconsidering my vote. >> there you go! >> that's not serious. >> come on, i've known hers for years and years and years. she's a terrific, terrific women. and i don't know why she doesn't -- [ audience boos ] >> ladies and gentlemen of the jury! >> this is a volatile election. and i mean, we're talking about a beauty queen if and he's tweeting it in the middle of the night. is that -- do you think it even matters? >> here's the thing. you want to be miss universe. >> right. >> and there's not a spelling test to get in there, typically. >> no. >> just like you want to be a professional wrestler, you want to be in the nfl, you want to be an actress, you're selling your
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body! so there's rules, and when they talk to you, they talk to you about your body. so, if you -- for example, i was in the wwe. i took my sweet time walking up the ramp one day and the boss didn't like it. so the he told someone to tell me when i came back, the boss said lose 50 pounds. by when? monday. it's wednesday. see you monday. did he fat shame me? yes, he did. but i used my body on tv and the people who pay me, if they don't like the way my body looks, they're going to tell me a certain way. it's 1990 and that's the way they talk. football coach, if you came into camp two pounds overweight, you were fatty mcfat fat, they say whatever to motivate you. the things he was doing to her, now are pc and stuff, back then he was motivating her to meet her contract that she signed. her body was what got her there.
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she gained 60 pounds, he's going to -- and here's the thing about the housekeeping, what -- it was racist, because we say, now it is. but back then, what else was she doing? you're going to be part of housekeeping if you don't get your game right. that's what you say to somebody to -- >> i want you to stand in front of my refrigerator and -- >> -- you'll be your homeboy stem ce selling drug ifs you don't get your game up. >> but he played into narrative, when he talked about the blood, when he talked about calling women dogs, when he talked about, if you're flat-chested, you can't get a ten. it played into a narrative. >> he needed to steer that off, right, kat. he needs to influence educated women. this doesn't help, does it? or does it? do they react the way tyrus said to this, look, i'm tired of all of this bs pc stuff. >> aif i got fat and nobody tol
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me, i would be furious. i'm serious. like, i want to know. i agree with what you're saying. it does feed into this narrative that makes people uncomfortable and he doesn't need anymore of that kind of thing. but if someone's mad at you for any reason, even in relationships, if you go, i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry, they like that. they're like, oh, they must really have been wrong. if you're like, i'm sorry, but if you forgive me or not. if you act like it's not a big deal, people forgive you faster. he should have let it go and we would have let it go a lot faster. >> it reminds me, i represented penthouse magazine many years ago and this woman who posed -- >> i've never heard of that? what is that magazine? is it about real estate in new york? penthouses? >> i think that's right. so a woman applied for the job to be the penthouse whatever of the month. and then she filed a complaint against the publisher saying, he wanted me to be naked. and of course, we won.
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that's the job. >> the same thing happened to me when i was in "national geographic". >> by accident. >> but this is where i want to take it back to. if i been up there on that stage and hillary clinton brought up something from 20 years ago, i would say, you know, miss clinton, 20 years ago at the state of the union address, your husband said the era of big government was over. do you guys talk to each other? got to shift it. >> i had poll numbers here -- >> it was hard to watch. it looked like couples therapy with laughter -- >> it was a terrible -- it was a terrible debate. >> terrible debate. a terrible debate. the first half of it, you had to be a professor of economics to understand the impact of nafta and thista and the otherta on everybody's paycheck. neither candidate spoke to the average american and told them, explained to them how various policies impact their daily life. it was a bad debate. >> i kind of enjoyed the debate,
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was i had been drinking. so generally i can just stare at anything -- >> were you watching it with the sound on or off? >> i had it up and i was shirtless. i'll show you the pictures later. all right, when we come back, the vice presidential debate is tuesday. why should you watch? we're going to tell you, next. (vo) maybe it was here, when you hit 300,000 miles. or here, when you walked away without a scratch. maybe it was the day your baby came home. or maybe the day you realized your baby was not a baby anymore. every subaru is built to earn your trust.
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we can't go back to the years of devastating cuts to public education. exactly why i urge you to vote yes on prop 55. prop 55 prevents $4 billion in new education cuts without raising taxes on anyone. and there's strict accountability in prop 55. with local control over school funding decisions. and mandatory annual audits guaranteeing the money goes directly to our classrooms. not to bureaucracy, not to administration.
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so vote yes on 55. because it helps our children thrive. yes, exciting. the thrilla of vanilla, that stands still in farmville. the belinda in virginia, that made no sense. pence versus kaine, kaine versus pence, the big tuesday night event. i haven't been this excited since state of the arted this segment 13 seconds ago. which is to say, not very excited. in fact, i'm kind of pissed, they're preempting "this is us." i found out mandy moore ended up with miguel last week and now you leave me hanging. i don't know what i'm talking about. it's an important debate. and if you don't like trump or clinton, could you be swayed to vote for one of these guys, even if you don't know who they are. haven't we all wondered, who are mike pence and tim kaine? all we really know about them is that, well, they're a lot alike.
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maybe too much alike. we investigated in a new segment called "why does it exist?" >> the vice presidential debates, why does it exist. tim kaine and mike pence. could their shocking similarities be the key to unlocking it all? consider, please. both have two-syllable names ending with the letter "ex." both go out of their way to be extremely boring. >> how about a round of applause for nicole. >> and according to these pictures, both are white guys. coincidence, or are tim kaine and mike pence the same person? indeed, the connections are too much to ignore. both attended law school in the mid-'80s and both were governors, although curiously, not at the same time. kaine, virginia, 2006-2010. pence, indiana, starting in 2012.
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where was kaine during those crucial two years in between? experts agree he would have had plenty of time to travel from virginia to indiana, possibly on horseback. what are the agricultural connections between them? pence is on the record admitting his guilty pleasure is popcorn. meanwhile, virginia's seventh most popular cash crop, you guessed it, is corn. add it all up and you can only come to one conclusion. the vice presidential debate is necessary to disprove they are the same person. this has been "why does it exist?" >> thanks to stewart barney for lending us that very familiar golden voice. love that, stew, every evening. all right, professor dershowitz. do you have any predictions for this debate? is it going to go -- is it going to be interesting at all? >> oh, sure, tim kaine is my former student at harvard law
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school. >> you know everybody! >> of course he's going to win! the only reason we're watching this debate is one of these guys may mbecome president. both candidates are the oldest two people ever to run for office. who ever heard of a guy named harry s. truman when roosevelt put him on the ticket and proceeded to die a few months later. so watch it, very carefully, one of these guys might be the leader of the free world. >> that is a frightening thought. all right. i have a theory that pence will have to spend most of his time defending trump. >> well, yeah, that's going to be the entire objective. and i think that mike pence has to know that, going in. and we recently saw, he was asked, you know, do you disavow david duke ain having a relationship with donald trump. so it's going to be that kind of circular attack of trump through pence. and if you understand that going in, you should be prepared. but professor dershowitz is absolutely correct. when you have two candidates, 69
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and 70 right now, you know, for them to go on past a first term, absolutely, that's a big deal. and we see the stress of the office, so these guys in four years could end up being your president. >> kat, i wasn't even going to watch this thing, but now i feel like it's my job to watch it. >> yeah, i'll watch it. i wish what they would do instead is hang out and drink beers and trade stories of what it's like to defend two of the most hated candidates of all times. it's true, they're going to become great friends, like buzz and woody in "toy story" or seth roggin and james franco in "pineapple express." >> that's a pretty good metaphor, tyrus. who do you think has the upper hand? >> depends on which one of the candidates screws up the most that day going into the thing. so the if hillary's e-mail scandal drops or reopens that
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day, pence will have the advantage. if donald trump opens his mouth then kaine is going to -- here's the thing, both guy's whole debate is going to be, well, what i think donald meant was. good point, and hillary already meant this. you'll probably have both sides talking more about this the other. well, hillary did this. well, trump did this. and it will basically be two wives fighting over their husbands. and it will be entertainment. and after a while, they'll have to get into substance and people will tune them out. i think both these guys, because who they're, can't do what they need to do. and that's what the vice presidents do, they build the platform, talk about the objectives and the things they're going to get done. instead, they have to do 90 minutes of damage control. but please like my guy better. >> you know what it is, the vps, they're like murtaugh, and the presidential candidates are riggs from "lethal weapon." it's like murtaugh has to go to riggs, no, get off the cliff! put that gun away! >> it's going to be interesting,
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because it's a different format. it's a town hall format, so it will depend on what the people there, the type of questions that they ask. and i think that that will be a good test to see, what's really on the minds of the american people. >> and they're both very popular. tim kaine was an extremely popular governor and senator. pence was very popular. and they're both serving as vice presidential -- >> i don't know about popular. >> -- candidates for candidates who aren't so popular. >> you know what the outrage is, no third party vp, no bill weld. >> bill weld is a very smart guy. >> he is, he is. >> i know -- >> but he even knew the name. he knew the name of the former president of mexico! >> yeah, that's true. >> fox. >> so upset all the time. >> he is -- yeah, weld is
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walking around all day, miserable. >> yeah. >> he's just going, what did i do? it's like he bought a lemon. >> the mirror is tough for him. >> i think he gains points the next time johnson talks, excuse me. mike pence, here's my prediction. mike spence steels donald trump's twitter toy. >> yeah, change that password. up next, why aren't more young men working? i go undercover as a young man not working, to find out. i've never been #1 in anything until i put these babies on. now we're on a winning streak and i'm never taking them off. do i know where i'm going? absolutely. we're going to the playoffs. allstate guarantees your rates won't go up just because of an accident. starting the day you sign up. so get accident forgiveness from allstate. and be better protected from mayhem, like me. it's good to be in, good hands.
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in the most feel-good story of the night, new statistics compiled from the fbi show an 11% increase in murders since last year in cities across the country. that's not a feel-good story at all. cities like chicago and los angeles saw approximately 24,000 violent crimes each last year. violent crime also rose in baltimore and st. louis. some argue that stop and frisk could prevent such increases while others blame lax punishment for gun crimes, as well as the ferguson effect, which has led to a more restrained police force when dealing with such events. here's this week's exchange between nbc's lester holt and donald trump during the presidential debate. >> stop and frisk was ruled unconstitutional in new york, because it largely singled out black and hispanic young men. >> no, you're wrong. it went before a judge, who was a very against-police judge. it was taken away from her, and
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our mayor, our new mayor, refused to go forward with the case. they would have won an appeal. if you look at it throughout the country, there are many places -- >> the argument is that it's a form of racial profiling. >> no, the argument is that we have to take the guns away from these people that have them and that are bad people that shouldn't have them. >> and on top of all of this, the secretary of homeland security spoke this week about his high concern of more terror attacks on u.s. soil by home-born violent extremists. he said, it keeps him up at night, which is very comforting, indeed. our advice here, don't panic. >> professor, i know you've written a lot on stop and frisk. i have a question, a theory, actually, that our culture, our country has gotten complacent, because crime has gone down so much, that we then begin to question the very tools that cause the crime to go down. so we're saying, maybe we should
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stop putting people in jails, maybe we should stop stop and frisk, and then the crime will then come back up. does that make sense? am i right or wrong? >> nobody knows what causes crime. there are so many factors. but many civil libertarians who are blind to reality, i'm a civil libertarian, but i'm not blind to reality, say that we shouldn't have stop and frisk, and if you don't have stop and frisk, it will have no impact on the crime problem. no, constitutional rights are very expensive. stop and frisk would reduce crime, but at a cost of institutional protection and racial profiling, but you have to make a trade-off. in boston, massachusetts, they had stop and frisk in particular neighborhoods with the cooperation of some of the leaders. and they helped to disarm some of the gang members and did reduce crime. the supreme court says you can have stop and frisk, but you can't racially profile. >> as a guy who's done stop and frisk a few times and profiled at the airport, and pulled over
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every time i drive by a school, which i don't know what's up with this, but here's the thing, this is going to create more problems for the police department, base they're already having a hard enough time with actual criminals breaking the law, and when they do do something wrong, they're held to a higher standards. people felt, you know, if you're going to search me, i'm not mad you searched me. but that's me. what they should do is, we should have had more cops. and at this point in those rough neighborhoods, let's bring the national guard in and let's start having military pulse. just like i was at the airport today when i flew in, got my bags, two young brothers in uniforms with m-14s. get my bags, i'm not doing anything wrong, so i'm going to walk up out of here. maybe at our parks and schools, we'll bring the national guard in and let the military and police department handle it. and maybe the site will diffuse the violence. >> what do you think? >> i grew up in the inner city in atlanta, georgia, and earlier
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this week, it became one of the most violent cities. we have to stop using this word "profile." we didn't go chasing after leads that didn't take you towards the bad guys. i didn't go looking after the -- so, we do that all the time. and i think that right now, we have such an environment out there that are putting our police officers, law enforcement officers, you know, on their heels. and we're giving the advantage to criminal elements. and to gangs. there are so many good people that are in these neighborhoods and communities, they want to feel safe. the person that brought the lawsuit against the gun law in chicago was an elderly black man who wanted to be safe in his home. he just wanted a shotgun. so if we're not going to allow people to do that in these inner cities, then we need to have that cooperation with the police. >> but you're right about one thing. profiling is a good thing. that is, you want to get as much as you can about an individual. find out where he travels, find
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out who his associates are, look at his criminal record. you create a profile. that's just sensible. but to say that all black people should be stopped, that's racism. >> but you have to -- you know, i grew up, and like i said, never got stopped, because i didn't give anyone a reason to stop me. >> a lot of policemen would look at you and say -- you are probably -- that's what a lot of policemen would say. >> i've got a college degree. >> i understand that. >> but to that point, the media is just as bad as the criminal element. because whenever something happens, they paint a picture of the person who was doing wrong was this innocent human being who was attacked horribly by the evil police department. and two weeks later, she reports him for being a felon, reports him for threatening with a gun and has a rap sheet a mile long, but all we saw was selfies of him on his facebook page holding
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a puppy and the evil police coming to get him. and no one waits for the next story. >> but in new york, stop and frisk was being abused in new york. what did trump say, an against the police judge, no, they were stopping people because they looked nervous or they had their hands in their pockets. >> but they weren't stopping you and me because i looked nervous. >> i understand. they thought, i would never get anywhere. >> kat's this big with a bandanna on. >> i have to take a break, but i think there's a common link. when you get to the terror part of this, between radical islam and american violence, that political correctness is preventing us from doing the profiling that we need to deal with crime and also preventing us from dealing with terrorism for fear of being called islam phobic. >> absolutely. and think about this. i would have never thought, having been in iraq and afghanistan, that we would have improvised explosive devices on
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the streets of new york or new jersey and it's here. >> and worry that it could happen in the run-up to the election, because al qaeda would -- and russia, both would like to influence the outcome of this election. i want everybody out there to make it known, if there is a terrorist attack, god forbid, you will not change your vote. because if you change your vote as a result of a terrorist attack, there'll be more terrorist attacks in the run-up to every single election. >> and you could look at it that way. that's a great thought to end the segment on. but i don't know if it's possible. later in the show, a monologue by kat, we call it the katalogue. but first, violence up, terrorism spreading, so what the hell are we doing? we're playing video games. i wish this next story was a joke. #
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. they'd rather be a sofa-surfing slob than a dude on a job. a new study from princeton and the university of chicago, hooray, suggests that undereducated young men are rejecting work because they have a better alternative. this is crazy. it's living at home and playing video games. researchers found that although unemployment among men without college degrees is up, so is their overall happiness. meaning they're jobless and they feel great about it! when did this happen?! we've got -- they say the reason could be that many of these guys -- for many of them, achieving something in a video game provides more enjoyment than working a job for low wages. in other words, it's not that the unemployed are turning to video games to cope, it's that video games are so awesome, they're keeping young men from looking for work in the first place. for more, let's check in with our video game correspondent, who i'm told just died on level
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47. >> hey! >> hey! >> yeah, since he doesn't have a job, how is he going to buy a new tv? not very bright video game player. all right, this is crazy. tyrus, you play games all the time. are these people just ahead of the curve? do they realize that come automation, no one's going to work anyway? >> first, aisi, as a video game junkie, but i'm weird because i city wanted a job. but mine was playing football and sports and in college we had downtime and played madden all the time. madden became like -- we didn't fight in pits anymore, and whoever was the best gamer, and the gamer's score was everything. >> it's not everything. >> it is everything, kat! you don't know because you're not good at it. your hands are too small for the sticks and you can't play on the line. plus, you have the hookups, you can play -- video games is like the new magic massage for guys
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pinpoi. if you're good at your game -- don't interrupt me. they drag when i walk. but video games for men is better than the perfect girlfriend. she's always there, and if she messes up, you can reset it and start all over again. it's a beautiful thing. >> kat, single women in new york. men, where are they, are they on the couch? not in new york. you have to have a job in new york. >> i guess. i think they're on the couch playing video games, and it's not my fault. but they're happy, right? all of society saying, as long as you're happy. that's not true, at all. i would much rather be a sad contributor to society than a delighted waste of space. and that is what our country is supposed to be about! being productive! >> you don't have testosterone. >> i think i have plenty. >> it sucks when you're
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assistant manager at burger king, and a guy half your size, tyrus, fries, stat, now. did you do your quarterly thing? and i can't do anything. >> it's so sad, and it's even sadder that you don't think it'sed it's ed sad. okay, enough. colonel webb, could it be possible that people could invade america and millions of young men won't even get up the couch to look out the window? >> not as long as the video game is operating. it's a cultural difference. i remember growing up. we never wanted to be in the house. we wanted to be out playing a game. you know, cowboys and indians, soldier and bad guy, with whatever. >> it's racist. >> not if you were winning. but we played baseball when it was baseball season. replayed football, even though we were playing football, we played basketball and then all of a sudden these games come along, everyone's doing it with
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their thumbs. we were out there trying to prove it on the basketball court. >> this is really becoming a simulated life when it comes to pornography, texting, communication, gaming, we're living these simulated lives, professor. and what if it's appropriate. what if this is the next step in evolution, where we're not supposed to actually go outside anymore and we're just supposed to sit here and become blobs? that's the next step? >> well, just leave me alone. i'm killing a dragon. >> that's how you would play it. >> i don't know what a video game is. but you're absolutely right. >> nobody does that. >> i went and saw the yankees play the red sox. but other people don't even go to watch ball games anymore, day do fantasy leagues. they make up their teams. everything is virtual, everything is fantasy. reality is suffering. reality isn't that great. maybe that's the reason. >> it goes back to what tyrus is saying, if there is a feeling of hopelessness in the world,
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this -- why begrudge somebody for finding pleasure in this, right? no rejection -- >> because society is going to collapse if nobody does anything. society is supposed to be about people contributing to it. >> that's why you have a universal base income, right? >> the declaration of independence talks about the pursuit of happiness. jefferson had games in mind. >> yes, he did. >> actually, he had slave women in mind, but let's not go there. >> all right. so fast. very quick. for a large man, he's very quick. all right, coming up, it's the katalogue, where kat talks about stuff and we listen. i'm jamie foxx for verizon. in the nation's largest independent study by rootmetrics, again, verizon is the number one network. hi, i'm jamie foxx for sprint. and i'm jamie foxx for t-mobile. (both) and we're just as good. really? only verizon was ranked number one nationally in data, reliability, text and call and speed. yeah. and you're gonna fist pump to that? get out of my sight. (announcer vo) unlimited isn't a good deal if it's on a cutrate network. switch now and get our best deal.
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welcome back. greg had to pee. i'm kat. the show must go on. what do you want from me? so katy perry released a video for funny or die called katy perry votes naked in order to try to get the vote out for hillary clinton. >> or if you're like me, i sleep naked. yep. let those babies loose. >> ma'am, all right, ma'am. all right, that's enough of that. >> no, no, no, i read the constitution. i know that i have the right to vote naked. >> you notice anything? that's right, she's not naked! just because you put a black bar over the screen doesn't mean she's naked. it means that this is false
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advertising. the title of the video was "katy perry rocks the vote naked." but a better title would be black bar keeps you from seeing katy perry naked. just another broken promise from hillary clinton's people. also, what -- thank you, thank you. also, also, what is so impressive with being naked? i've been naked at least once most days. in fact, here's a chart of the percentage of the population who has, naked. here is a map where there is at least one naked person right now. countries highlighted in yellow have at least one naked person. and here is the average age in which each person achieves naked. very impressive, katy. if you want to be naked, fine. i'm not judging, but i'm also not impressed. and if you just say you're going to be naked and you're not naked, then you're just a liar. speaking of naked, an outdoors club at claremont colleges recently canceled its speedo
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hike because it's not inclusive to all body types and fitness levels, and because it implies broeyness. all right, it's true not everyone feels comfortable in a bathing suit and not everyone can scale a 10,000-foot mountain, but so what? the whole point of having interest-specific clubs is for their members to join together and participate in interest-specific activities. and their problem with broeyness offends me, because i am pro-bro. broiness makes all activities more exciting. without bros, it's like, cool, chicken. but with bros, it's like, dude, sick, chicken! hey, bro, do you want to go to applebees? half-priced apps and we can watch the game. hell, yeah, dude, i'll get my keys. other friends will say, i'm sorry that guy was mean to you. but other bros will say, oh, my god, are you serious, i'm going to kick his ass, and then we can go to applebee's. all of these industries rest on
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the backs of the american bro. if you're a bro, you don't even need the boat to buy the shoes. i love bros and you should too, because they keep the economy going. yes, inclusion is a good thing. and it's good to be sensitive towards other people, but an outdoors club freaking out that its activities aren't inclusive enough for people who don't go outdoors, it's not being sensitive, it's insane. and another thing that's insane is calling a dog's halloween costume sexist. a "washington post" columnist wrote a think piece about how pet costumes are sexist. the glass ceiling appears to be firmly in place at pet smart, where career costumed labeled male include firefighter and police officer while female dogs can choose between a pink cowgirl costume and a pink loofah. i agree, there's a glass ceiling that won't let your dog be a firefight. it's called, she's a [ bleep ] dog. and finally, my man, gary
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johnson, blew it again this week. watch. >> favorite foreign leader? >> who's my favorite -- >> just name anywhere in the country? any one of the continents, country. >> i guess i'm having an aleppo moment in the former -- >> but i'm giving you the whole world. >> i know, i know. >> actually, what was the problem with that? what's more american than knowing absolutely nothing about the rest of the world. no, i'm joking. you have to know things about the rest of the world, especially if you're running for president, but i don't really have a favorite foreign leader, either. in fact, i don't really have a favorite anything. and anytime anyone asks me, i always get stumped. my favorite beatles song, my favorite episode of "elf," my favorite kind of gum to step on in the street, there's either too many or not enough of the things to choose from. so once again, leave my gare bear alone. can i get an exclamation point? >> exclamation point. >> thank you. thank you. greg, how'd you make it out of
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the bathroom? are you good? glad you left your mike off and all of that. >> thank you for reminding everybody. that wasn't me, actually. nice job, kat, go away. up next win tuck everyone in for the night and get their final thoughts. stick around. i've been on my feel all day. i'm bushed! yea me too. excuse me...coming through! ride the gel wave of comfort with dr. scholls massaging gel insoles. they're proven to give you comfort. which helps you feel more energized ...all day long. i want what he has. you're not taking these. hey, hey, hey! you're not taking those. woah, woah! you're not taking that. come with me. you're not taking that. you're not taking that. you're not taking that. mom, i'm taking the subaru. don't be late. even when we're not there to keep them safe, our subaru outback will be. (vo) love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru.
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we're almost out of time, so -- >> what you wanted to say all show, but haven't had the chance to say, so here's your chance to say it, right now. >> colonel webcast? >> follow us at the national policy center. if we keep living in fantasy world, we're going to lose the real world. >> love your website, too. professor? >> my book "electile dysfunction" is practically like a video game. it's an ebook. you press a button and it comes out and you read it and it will tell you what criteria you should use in deciding who to vote for. and if you're unaroused by either candidate, "electile
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dysfunction" is the book to read. >> nicely done! all right, tyrus? >> i just finished making a movie and the wardrobe lady used to leave notes in my wardrobe every day. i never paid attention to it because i'm grouchy and i threw it on the ground. the last day there, i reached in and i said, why is there glitter in my pocket. and she said, i wrote you a note every day. so i felt bad, so i'm going to read it. like glitter and glue, your sparkle sticks with me. like glitter, you will leave a lasting shine that's hard to get rid of. like the glue, always hold it together and you will move forward in this career, no matter what everyone else says. how crazy -- i should have read this before. how crazy it might get and you will have to stay your wonderful self. >> that's the biggest fortune cookie i've ever seen. >> we've got to wrap it up. kat, last words? >> i ate macaroni and cheese today and bread and i feel disgusting. what would donald trump say?
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>> i don't mow! >> stop it. >> he would say that. >> all right, thanks to colonel alan west, alan dernshowitz and our studio audience. i love you, america. trump and clinton, round one. i crashed the spin room and caused trouble. and then hit up a kanye race convert. why do they have trouble on the dance floor? >> they tonight have the beat. >> and watters' world, i head to philadelphia's roughest neighborhood to find out what is really going on in the street. >> they pull out guns and little kids are getting it. >> and i head to the beach for a

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