"the greg gutfeld show" is next. see you tomorrow live from las vegas. hi. i'm greg gutfeld. or as i'm known in my building, creepy man with a camera. here's what's coming up. it was a week not for the weak with wikileaks dumps, sexual assault allegations, more leaks, more allegations. i can't shower enough. is the election destroying our psyche? some experts seem to think so. i hate experts. they think they're so experty. and it's the return of the catalog. when kat does a monologue, you probably could have figured that out on your own. 24 days left, america. we can do this, as long as we're drunk.

let's welcome tonight's guests, shall we? she's so bright, we think she swallowed a lamp, shelby holliday, "wall street journal" senior video reporter. he's got a voice so smooth, you could ice skate on it, country music legend, larry gatlin. his latest album is available on itune. only bile makes her smile, "national review" reporter, kat. and he bathed in a car wash, wrestler iris. >> the most important debate ever! really, this time. >> that's right. this is it. the most important debate since the birth of this planet 4,000 years ago. now, fox news's chris wallace is moderating, who for my money is the best wallace we could have moderating a debate. do you think wallace shaw could handle this? he couldn't handle cher and

amber. for you fans of "clueless." or william wallace. he, of course, is dead. or wallace and grommet. they aren't even real! sorry, kids, if you're watching. hell, no, this is a job for chris wallace. look at that delicious, delicious chris wallace. these are the topics. debt and entitlements, immigration, economy, the supreme court, foreign hot spots. those aren't bars in aruba, kat. and fitness to be president. fitness to be president. if that's important, i say vote for this guy. my uncle. so those are the topics. hold your applause for something funny. also, you know, i asked mr. wallace to add one more topic,

greg gutfeld, sexy or super sexy, but they said they already knew the answer. >> super, super sexy! >> that's me. a long time ago. i was broke. i needed the money. so these topics represent real issues at a time when the october surprises, they're piling up like a mountain of michael moore's worn-out underpants, and we're only halfway through this awful month. i feel like i'm living in a marx brothers version of "50 shades of grey." but what about the other stuff going on in the world? the u.s. launched cruise missiles into yemen. isis used an armed drone for the first time. and ginger spice is expecting her second child. i love you, ginger. the point is this. the october surprises are exciting and gross and it's important to be informed on them. but we may be forgetting everything else that's going on in this world, like ginger! she's having another baby!

so when you're watching wednesday's debate, think about which issue matters the most to you and which candidate would be best suited for that issue? then ask yourself if you're willing to accept all the crap that this candidate comes with. my single issue, terror. trump, at least, can name the villains. but he's a mess. and i have no idea what hillary will do, except telling our enemies what she will do. so i don't know what the hell i'm doing. i hate everyone and i hate everything. except for ginger. which is why, until wednesday, i'll just watch this. >> first gay marriage, and now that. what's a conservative to do? >> period! >> all right.

shelby, welcome to the show for the first time. what do these candidates need to do? what does -- pick one. hillary or donald? what do they need to do? >> i think they both need to be as boring as possible. because as much as i love october surprises, i love hashtags, like that mexican again, that mexican thing, it's all fun for us viewers, but i think the -- if they actually want to win, these candidates should be as focused on the issues as they can possibly be. they need to talk about the things you just listed, things going on in the world. >> which are boring. >> which are boring. and they really need to talk about issues, because that is not something we've heard about in any debate except the vp debate. >> it's true. it's why we loved that debate so much, right? >> i think chris wallace has got to bring his referee whistle. that's my advice. >> this debate is like the excrement frosting on a poop cake of an election. that's all. what's your -- >> but that wasn't a question. >> i know it wasn't a question. i was just giving you a hard time. i love you -- >> i know. >> and the fact you shaved your beard. what advice -- what do you see

in this debate? would you give advice to trump, give advice to hillary? what's your thoughts? >> i think they both ought to quit. what i would really love to see happen is for these people in our audience tonight to pick out just any up with of you and dictionary that you're running for president and i'll vote for you. now, i'm going to have to -- as it is, i'm going to have hold my nose and for -- you know, donald's an old friend of mine, and for all of his faults, and god, there are many, but there's this scripture in the bible, yes who are without sin cast the first stone. >> everybody uses that! >> but leave the cowboy singer out of the rock fights. but i wish they would talk about something important to the american people. but we're not going to get that. >> couldn't it be that american people just like the sex and violence and they don't like the actual issues? and we're just stuck with that for the rest of our lives? >> i don't think people who are having a hard time paying their

rent or paying obamacare -- i was at the grand ole opry last night in nashville, doing a show. the lady who takes care of the music charts, she's losing her insurance. they've had it the whole deal, their company is quitting. and the irony is, i'm a member of the union after. we were exempted from it. i had the best -- i had the best insurance in the world and i hate obamacare. >> you can still have sex if you can't pay your rent, though. >> that's probably why you couldn't pay your rent, because you were having sex. >> at 68 years old -- >> i don't think i would ever do that. >> never say that you couldn't pay your rent. >> you two, knock it off. >> i was just saying. >> all right, tyrus -- >> not going in order, i see. >> what is going on, you kids? >> oh, talk to kat, first. >> all right, all right, kat, what's going on? >> no, it's fine, i don't have anything to say, because i think this whole thing -- >> oh, of course.

>> i think this whole thing is meaningless! not just in the way that life is meaningless because we're all going to die, because this debate is meaningless. last time trump did such a good job, and nobody noticed, because he had all that bad stuff come out. kind of how like i used to clean any room after i was already grounded and my mom would just be like, that's nice. you know, it doesn't matter. the news cycle is going to continue to be about the trump tapes and more victims and this and that and the wikileaks -- it doesn't matter. i don't really think it does. nice to think it does, though. always try, people that are into that. >> but there's a flaw in your argument, buying flowers after you get your wife or your girlfriend -- gets mad you -- >> children can't buy flowers. >> but it does change things. it changes people's minds. >> tyrus? >> imagine if she had something to say. >> i did! >> oh, my god! >> your question, please? >> the debates? are you looking forward to it? what do you think's going to happen? what should -- if you were giving advice to trump, what would it be? >> i would have alec baldwin

play him at the debates. i think -- you know what, i just -- just watching this, i'm done. it's a wrap. i'm just going to watch football and basketball. >> really, you're giving up? >> it just -- he's going to deny -- he's going to deny. she's going to throw things up there. then he's going to come back -- they're just going to attack each other back and forth. we might get a cool sound bite, but it's -- i think this election is pretty much lost. if you haven't made up your mind by now, i don't think you're going to. it's just going to get worse. >> i say let them both get drunk, play rock 'em, sock 'em robots blindfolded and laugh a little as civilization goes to hell. >> don't you laugh a little when she's speechless? >> i think it's amazing, think of all of the things we can do in america. we create incredible products, we send people to the moon. we can't just do a do-over. america hates these candidates, but we can't figure a way to replace them with a month to go. >> it's just --

>> we should just literally all write in, are you [ bleep ] serious? >> and now for our gospel number. >> yeah. >> but this is america, though! this is where we're at. this is where we're at. >> this was brilliant. this was all brilliant. it was the media, who basically put trump forward and hillary clinton and president obama said, you know, respect this candidate. respect this candidate. get him up there. and the moment that he got there, unload on him. it was a perfect setup, wasn't it? >> you know, somewhere, ted cruz and rubio are in a bar somewhere going, i thought you checked him out? isn't it their fault? >> -- he's a philander. >> i'm blaming ted cruz. like, you couldn't find this all out? >> it was all there, nobody wanted to look for it. >> maybe you should have looked for some of this stuff, because maybe it wouldn't have gotten this far. for argument's sake, let's say everything being said is true. let's just say it's true.

he's a womanizer and he does all these terrible things. and there were 16 guy -- or 15 guys he was running against and nobody bothered to say, like, have you seen some of the things he said in "the apprentice" or some of the things he's done in the past, maybe we should have looked into that. because now that we're actually having debates and stuff, who's the guy getting all the credit? pence. because he's talking substance and policies, but during the republican -- nobody wanted that. they wanted -- >> pence was in the 17. >> jeb bush was boring -- >> he's begging for his ass now, because jeb bush would be out there talking policies and hillary wouldn't be an issue. you can't sling mud at her when your mud is affecting other people and women's rights and voters and her stuff is e-mails. and to be honest, e-mails, i'm beyond it. i'm tired of hearing what they did. >> that's our next segment. you can't be tired. you might have to pretend that you're into it for the next segment. >> okay, i'll forget it. but the bottom line is, we made it and now we've got to ride him

out with him. i had the donald pump shirt, he's a businessman, this guy's cool, then, he -- then when he goes on howard stern and kind of corroborates -- it's like, ah, man. we've got to ride it out. >> let me ask you guys, what kind of donald are we going to see on wednesday? it seems like on the stump, he's like -- he's letting it all out. >> i think a bear has been poked and there's no undoing that. i think he's just going to go -- he's going to talk about whatever he wants to talk about. who i want to be is the person making all the prop bets in vegas right now. because who knows, is hillary going to shimmy? is he going to talk about big league? who's going to talk about fitness first. we know that's coming. >> larry, do you see this getting out of control? will chris wallace be able to handle this? will it actually follow these issues or will it start out bad and get worse? >> i think chris is a wonderful, a very intelligent man, he's a great interviewer. >> thank you. oh, him? >> you too, you too, my friend. but this is -- these are two spoiled children in a sand box. and you're not going to keep

them from throwing sand at each other. i saw what i believe is my favorite little piece of philosophy the other day on a bumper sticker. if i really could talk to my old friend. and he is, we played golf and i lived in trump tower, we went out to dinner, we've been to the u.s. open tennis. >> we get it! you were lovers. >> okay, okay. no -- and i'm coming forward next book, to spill -- >> it's called coming out. >> but if we could get past that, if we could get past that bunch of bovine droppings, what i would say to my friend is what i saw on a bumper sticker. for god's sake, don't believe everything you think. you know, every time he thinks anything, if it comes across under that golden dome, you know, it's out there and it's got to be the truth whether it's fact checked or whether anybody thinks the same way he does or not. >> who does that remind me of? >> you! >> no, i was talking -- >> our host! >> never mind, never mind. i'm just being -- it's not

going to be that bad. everyone's thinking this is going to be the apocalypse, whoever gets elected. we have a separation of powers. everything's going to be great. >> unless republicans don't go out and vote and all the dems just completely control everything. >> yeah, well, thank you for that. >> popped a hole in my denial balloon. my denial balloon is floating away. coming up, a story so hat, you'll need to put oven mitts on your ears to listen to it. but first, wikileaks dumps more e-mails. and what did i learn? how much i hate wikileaks dumps. for lower back pain sufferers,

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it's a stories of leaks and dumps and it has nothing to do with bathrooms. on tuesday, wikileaks published thousands of e-mails, hacked from the account of hillary clinton's campaign chair, john podesta. now, as much as i despise the idea of perusing stolen info, i am clearly outvoted here. here's the most explosive news from this mess. it's an exchange between podesta and peter huffman, a financial adviser who worked for the clinton foundation. the topic, risotto. yes. not when they're ruining our country, they discussed how to make the perfect gooey rice dish. now, because i can't do these snai e-mails justice, i enlisted the help of two of the nation's premiere news men. behold, this is risotto news. >> so, look, i've been making a lot of risotto lately. and regardless of the recipe, i more or less adhere to every step you taught me. but here's my question. why do i use a quarter or a half

cup of stock at a time? why ynt i just add one or two cups of stock all at the same time, all of it, because i'm told this rice is going to eventually absorb everything, anyway, right? >> yes and no. yes, it will absorb the liquid, but, no, that's not what you want to do. the slower the add process and stirring causes the rice to give up its starch, which gives the risotto its creamy consistency. you won't get that if you dump all that liquid at once. >> chef brian, you're exactly right. >> who is he? >> i had no idea that little blond-haired guy showed up. guy. that's his name. anyway, the wikileaks dump revealed lots of other crud, including hillary's team discussing holding back e-mails between obama and clinton, that have been suspectbpoenaed by congress. these e-mails were on the private e-mail he said he didn't

know she had. a set of talking points prepared by campaign staffers including prompts telling hillary when to smile. and evidence that cnn commentator, dnc vice chair donna brazile gave the clinton campaign advance note of a question that came up at the network's presidential hall, which is kind of we're. all in all, stuff that might be kind of big news if america gave a [ bleep ]! well, larry, this is a problem that kind of tyrus brought up. this is actually kind of big news, but everybody's over it, because there's no visuals. there's nothing -- this is interesting stuff. and i don't like wikileaks. i think it's wrong to go through people's e-mails. but now that it's out there, i have no choice. >> well, you know, my new favorite philosopher, vlady-bob putin, a texas guy, he said something really, really prescient -- >> get to it. >> -- i believe. he said, who cares, what does it

matter who leaked them? it is what is in them that matters. >> i care who leaked them. zpr wel >> well -- >> yeah, it's kind of a concern. >> but what kind of shenanigans, what were they doing for the foundation, all that kind of stuff. here's what i believe. the clintons, like i said in my little song i'm going to sing later, you know she's lying because her lips are moving, okay? they only tell the truth one time. it's like in their e-mails. >> get to the point, larry! >> dear diary, you aren't going to believe what we did to those people. they tell the truth in their e-mails. that's why they have to hide them. >> this drives me nuts, though. there has to be a place where you're allowed to be a jerk. it's in your head and it's in your personal conversation. the fact that they're going after people about the tone of an e-mail. screw you! you're offensive to me for reading an e-mail, does that make sense? >> yeah. >> i know it's too late, it's already out there. >> i can't read these and can't think about what would happen if my e-mails were hacked.

>> that's my point! if they read mine, oh, my god. >> i would be destroyed. totally. >> the tone of my e-mails aren't nice or you don't know the context in which i'm having this conversation. but oh, my god, then there's like incredibly embarrassing risotto e-mails. >> if you and i had an e-mail conversation and you were like, it's okay, it's like whatever, and you can be like, okay, whatever, and you can think we're having a fight and i'm just not paying attention because i'm playing a video game. you just don't know the context of the thing. and one step back, the bottom line is, i refuse -- regardless of whether i support hillary or i don't or i like her or whatever, the fact is, these things were hacked. and it -- just off that, i don't care, because i know in a court of law, they're going to say it's inadmissible. so i don't -- and the fact that we're putting so much into it -- yeah, there's stuff in there, but i don't care how they talk or make their plans. you're not always going to say the right thing when you're planning stuff. but the fact that -- and russia

is like, it doesn't matter where it came from. no kidding. because it came from you [ bleep ]! >> yeah, but some of those -- you know, she also deleted e-mails that were our e-mails. they were not her e-mails, as taxpayers, they were our e-mails. so i don't feel bad about reading her e-mails, aka, my e-mail e-mails. >> remember -- absolutely, our e-mails. so especially when -- in our e-mails -- >> not e-mails -- >> but now they're talking about -- >> he's a private citizen. >> they're talking about doing favors for people at the clinton global initiative. the crap they were talking about, not only is it highly offensive, it's illegal. they ought to be in jail. if i did it, i would be in jail already. >> yeah, you know -- >> oh, absolutely, i would. >> okay. i've been very hard on the wikileaks thing, for precisely what you're saying. that these are private -- it's like going through somebody's

sock drawers, larry. but i do get wikileaks appeal. if people believe that it's doing what the media isn't doing. like the media isn't targeting hillary, so this is that replacement. but do you really want the media to also go through your e-mails? that's what it sounds like. but i think most people are driven by the fact that they were let down by the government. that comey didn't do his job, doj didn't do their job. at least wikileaks is giving me something, right? >> until it affects you. everybody can clap, but everybody here would not be clapping if we had hillary clinton and john smith seat five had your e-mails and apparently you said some stuff about your mother-in-law. then you would be, oh, my god, i can't believe this happened. >> i can tell you, you can watch how you write and think for a week on your e-mail and there'll still be 20 in there that will ruin you. >> i'd already be ruined. >> yeah, no. and i don't understand it. i go -- i'm talking to people and they don't see that this -- you're next! for example, if you're in the media, they can also use the transparency argument against

you. well, i don't believe what you're saying, mr. gutfeld, because i know that behind closed doors, you're different. we have the right to see that. and then they're going to go to the auto industry and the oil industry and they're going to say, you know what, you guys do so many bad things for the environment, we need to know what's in your e-mails, because we need to know the people that are destroying our climate, what they really think. so you can apply this argument to every single industry. if you work in the diet industry, food, you go, you are causing heart disease, we need to see your e-mails. do you see this? >> you're right. >> and you're inspiring people to be criminals. i can be famous if i can learn how to shock. >> i think it's funny how people are so shocked of this. don't people watch "house of cards"? >> not anymore. it's not very good. >> "house of cards"? >> yeah, it's house of sucks. still to come, a story so tough that if it were steak, you would say, that's some tough steak. but first, is this election stressing you out? if there wasn't a study about that saying that that's the case, we would not be asking. that's news. ♪

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it's an election that leads to dejection. a vote that gets your goat. a poll that takes its toll. a new survey from the american psychological association finds that 52% of tadults say the 201 election is a very or somewhat significant source of stress. one doctor says election stress, quote, becomes exacerbates by argumented, stories, images, and

video on social media that can heighten concern and frustration, particularly with thousands of comments that can range from factual to hostile or even inflammatory. republicans and democrats are equally likely to be stressed about the election, but the amount varies across generations. people over age 70 are stressed the most. 59%, followed by millennials at 56%. boomers and gen-xers, not as much. for more about this, we caught up with two guys that know about all stress relief. stunt hamster mike and stunt hamster jake. >> yeah, laugh, but they're all highly addicted to adderall. >> hey, hey, now you're meddling. >> i'm going to go to you first, kat. this is an interesting finding. they say the impact for a lot of people on stress has to do with

social networks. so in a weird way, it's on you for going there and looking up stuff. like, looking up stuff. stuff that's hateful. >> you're talking about me? >> yes. well, me, andpeople. why do we continue looking at things that upset us? like, when you're on twitter, you'll look at the hateful things probably more than you'll look at the complimentary things. why is that? >> first of all, i think some of the stress does come from the fact that this is between a mob boss and a creepy uncle and we have to decide which one we want representing us and being in charge of our country. what a choice. but, yeah, it's worse, because it's so passionate, social media has gotten worse. i have given a lot of criticism on both sides. if i criticize hillary, i'm some sort of conspiracy theorist, a sexist, and a racist. and if i criticize trump, i'm a b-word and a slut, and i am actually a secret hillary plant working here and being paid to help get her elected. >> that's me --

>> and that is infuriating! >> i'm watching her. >> because it's got to do with the election. and it does have to do with social media, but also it has to do with it being so important, having two terrible choices, and having no way to have a discussion about it, without people being just like not even people. >> no, it's weird. it's weird, because you'll look and you'll see a grandfather. like, you'll be on twitter and you'll see -- it'll be like, john smith. 72. son of -- lover of jesus -- >> devoted grandfather -- you're a slut! >> and they'll write something so horrible. and they'll be like, dude, you just changed. you went from doting grandfather of eight to like "may you burn in hell, you whore." like, what are you doing, dude? tyrus, is this because the political choices are now becoming personal? now it's across the board. >> no. >> no? >> he's so over it? >> i am. all this is, this is the new

walking dead. this is the new hot television show and everyone gets to be a part of it. if this were any other time in history, these two would be walked off the stage, had accidents and be redone. like, what's happening tonight? sp somebody accused him of this? it's the new hot tv show and get on social media and give their intellectual opinions, and if you disagree with them, you got some beeps? >> yeah. like, you and whoever you stand for, your mother's a whore. and it was like right to life versus choice or whatever, and if you think that, well, [ bleep ] you need to die. like, my social media looks like a morgue of just catastrophes. and then -- or the worst thing ever and whoever you are -- where's the cam? whoever you are who gets on my feed and writes your personal statements that are -- that just keep going on and on. stop! write on your own! i don't care how you feel about hillary and trump. either yes or no and move on.

stay off my feed. it's the worst. >> begging for it, man. >> it's lou dobbs. >> you're going to get so many tweets. >> shelby, should we sue trump and hillary for emotional abuse? >> like you said, it might be part of our own fault. we'll seek it out. we do watch it. i check my twitter feed. it doesn't always put me in a great mood. i thought what was funny is i was reading an article about this and someone said, if it bothers you, just stop talking about it. that is literally impossible. americans cannot stop talking about this. the one thing that stresses me out, i'm a journalist. i cover both sides, which then enables you to see both sides, and i'm sure there are other people out there who feel like this, but i feel like i'm the only one in the middle who sees both sides. no >> no, you're not. >> wlu see both sides and talk about one side, the other side comes after you. you just feel like, my god, there's no way out. larry, is this really different from the past? last word to you. >> the very last word.

>> country legend. >> i think it's the same as it is, but we have the 24/7 news cycle. part of it is the same. we're talking about getting our information from wikileaks and twitter and facebook and all of that stuff. peggy noonan wrote something last week in the "wsj," she said, those who do not read deeply will not think deeply. i'm not the deepest thinker in the world, but i do read. george bernard shaw said of his beloved dublin, he said, dublin is a malodorous outhouse. and that looks to me like what we have. we have people in there when we have people starving and can't by shoes for their kids and they're talking about who played hide the weenie with somebody 20 years ago. i don't give a -- >> well, it's not just playing hide the weenie. it's like it's like doing it without consent, which is kind of different, larry. >> much different, yeah. >> still to come, the catalog

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welcome back. greg . i'm kat. so you know who had a big week? locker rooms! >> this was locker room talk. i'm not proud of it. i apologize to my family. i apologize to the american people. certainly, i'm not proud of it. but this is locker room talk. you know, when we have a world where you have isis chopping off heads -- >> it's true. isis is bad. isis is very bad. but donald trump's comments were bad, too. and setting the precedent that you can just brush off anything bad by saying, oh, it's not like it's isis is no way to live. what is it teaching our children, other than how to make

dumb excuses. honey, you were late for dinner. yeah, mom, i'm sorry to my family, but i was playing baseball with timmy, not chopping off heads with isis. just because something is not isis does not mean it's not bad. take this diagram, for example. on the left, isis. on the right, not isis. cheating on your wife, rape culture, the common cold, when the deli is out of egg salad, all of these things we need to have the freedom to talk about being bad without saying, at least it's not isis. i bet you're really bad playing "would you rather." st it would be like, would you rather have a head cold or strep throat? and not, would you rather have a head cold or your head blown off by a terrorist. of course, the real problems isn't the words trump said, it's then cotext, that's obvious. at least i thought it would be obvious until i saw this garbage. >> i mentioned rap music because it's full of the f-word, the p-word, the b-word, the a-word.

hillary clinton expresses that she finds the language on that bus horrific, but, in fact, she likes language like this. quote, i came to slay bitch, when he f'd me good, i'd take his ass to red lobster. >> did she say that? >> that happens to be a line from beyonce, her favorite performer who she says she idolizes and would like to imitate. >> either betsy mccoy was really looking out for the 4% of people with a shellfish allergy or she's completely and totally insane. but, have you been to red lobster lately, because even those who do have a shellfish allergy can still enjoy the delights of a cheddar bay biscuit. it's the best thing in the world. show me someone who says they don't love red lobster's cheddar bay biscuits and i'll show you a liar. the issue isn't the word, but it's trump bragging that powerful men can get away with groping women who can't do anything about it because they're so powerful. it's a power dynamic that's

real, sick, and disgusting. you know what's real, not sick, and not disgusting? enjoying an intimate moment with a person and then enjoying some cheddar bay biscuits. or perhaps enjoying both at the same time, if you like takeout. don't touch me. finally, all right, we're all in agreement that this election season is crazy and i totally understand why so many people are complaining about it, but that's distracting us from complaining about all of the other bad seasons that we're in. cold and flu season. too cold to get out of the shower season, chapped lip season, leaving work when it's already dark out, making you feel like you're a slave to your job season. did you get a flu shot yet every time you go to the pharmacy. having to wear socks season. having to realize you have exactly one of every different kind of sock season. pale skin season. actually for me, that's all the seasons. we need to remember to complain about the little things. if you're going through something awful, just focus on freaking out about all the little things, and i promise you, you'll forget all about it. if that doesn't work, cheddar bay biscuits!

thank you. can i get an exclamation point? yeah. >> exclamation point! >> thank you, kat. i can't believe they gave the peace prize to bob dylan and not you. >> i know. >> one day. one day. all right. coming up, president obama has another evil plan to send us to mars. i guess ruining this planet isn't enough. every day starts better with a healthy smile. start yours with philips sonicare, the no.1 choice of dentists. compared to oral-b 7000, philips sonicare flexcare platinum removes significantly more plaque. this is the sound of sonic technology cleaning deep between teeth. hear the difference? get healthier gums in just 2 weeks vs a manual toothbrush and experience an amazing feel of clean. innovation and you. philips sonicare.

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he's making a case for deep space. president obama, if that's his real name, announced that the united states is partnering with private companies to send humans to mars and back by the 2030s. i'll be about 47 by then. the president writes that the space program, quote, represents an essential part of our character, curiosity and exploration, innovation, and ingenuity, pushing the boundaries of what's possible and doing it before anybody else. obama noted that like the space race of the '60s, the leap to mars will inevitably lead to technological advances in energy, medicine, and artificial intelligence. yes, that. so far, it's reaped many benefits. look at what my robot can do.

>> whoo! i'll say one thick, that stunt took balls. it did! it was a ball pit. you needed the balls to do that. all right, shelby, is it worth it? we know there's nothing fun on mars. >> well, this is -- this is a our space program has done a lot of great things. >> i know. >> we have velcro because of the space program. >> that's true. >> is it worth it? that's a tough question to ask. i think obama is probably so over this election, he's probably thinking about ways to get the hell out of -- >> he's going to get a vacation home on mars. that's what this is about, larry! look, i believe that this -- we have to leave earth sooner or later. we're like explorers. this is like columbus discovering canada. >> i think it's wonderful. i think it's great. you've talked about that before, about the robot thing. i think you're exactly right. in this instance, it's not about

that at all. it's about president barack obama trying to be kennedy-esque and say something, you know, really mystical that will be carved in stone and that people -- kids in school, well, he said -- >> or is he trying to squeeze crazy stuff in, because nobody's listening right now? >> he's been squeezing crazy stuff in for eight years because nobody was listening. you know? how many executive orders? i think instead of trying to go to the moon in 30 years, why don't we go to aleppo by monday and kick those worthless bastards' asses,, you know -- >> i think, kat, i think on the list of things that we have to do, this is there, but i think blocking meteors and asteroids should be in front of that. what do you think? >> oh, please, no, i mean, asteroid, take me now. i think there's a lot of better things we could use this money for than going to mars. like, i don't know, like, curing

cancer, maybe! >> you can do both! i think there's a lot more people being out there like, i wish i could be having this cancer on mars. it's just not -- it's not what people are worried about. except for people like obama, who already have everything covered. >> you could literally make this argument for everything. i want to buy these new shoes. but could you spend that money on cancer? if mars is going, i'm in. if they're taking volunteers to go now, i'm in. i'll go. two years to get there, two years to get back. about 4 1/2 years, so all of this will be a wrap? >> yes, exactly. >> i'm going! it's a good point. just disappear. just, i'm going to mars. you could just pretend to go to mars. just -- holler at me in four years. #don'tcallme. >> i went to nebraska last week, and let me tell you something, i enjoyed every bit of it, because my cell phone wouldn't work and i didn't have to watch and listen to this crap.

it was wonderful! >> i thought you were going to say nebraska and mars were the same. >> it was sort of like a different place. >> they have cell phone service in nebraska. what were you talking about? >> not where i was, young lady. >> they have cars and frg. >> cars with four wheels. >> houses with windows. >> maybe you couldn't figure out how to work the phone. >> and you don't have to plug in to get power. it's amazing. >> you know, nebraska is one of my favorite states. >> absolutely. that's what i'm trying to -- >> i'm disgusted with you, larry. send all of your letters, because we know you don't have the internet -- ha-ha, that was a joke. >> tomorrow, we'll get 100 carrier pigeons sent in tomorrow from nebraska. >> all right. final thought here. i'm all for going to mars, but we've got o to -- there are other things we have to handle first. the threat of super sbleblgs. ie, when artificial intelligence exceeds human intelligence by a factor of ten, this is something we'll have to be dealing, no

matter what. when artificial intelligence realizes they are smarter than us, we are the chickens on this planet, in the farm. then, also win mentioned the asteroid meteor hit. that's an important thing, we need technology to blast out asteroids. because all it takes is one. then you've got to have terror. technology married to terror. at some point some guy with a dirty bomb is going to do it. i put those three before mars. >> and leave it up to the private space companies. >> right. last word, space elevator -- no, space escalator. make it really simple. just an escalator to space. how easy is that? final thoughts, next. you can run an errand. (music playing) ♪ push it real good... (announcer vo) or you can take a joyride. bye bye, errands, we sing out loud here. siriusxm. road happy.

here you go.picking up for kyle. you wouldn't put up with part of a pizza. um. something wrong? so when it comes to pain relievers, why put up with just part of a day? you want the whole thing? yes, yes! live whole. not part. aleve.

cartels, militias, terrorist groups.

they all need a place to park their cash and cherna is their dirty little piggy bank. we're going to insert into the country while nobody is looking. we're going to steal their money, sir? no, we are going to destroy it. we're going to finish this mission. anything we find is ours. do you want to trust a bunch of black water marks? i mean the rush, i've never felt anything like it. if we stay here we're going to die. then we die.

(announcer vo) you can sit in traffic. or you can crack up. (man on radio) but if it isn't refreshing... (announcer vo) sorry traffic, we laugh 'til it hurts. siriusxm. road happy. we're almost out of time, so -- >> what you wanted to say all show, but haven't had the chance to say, so here's your chance to say it, right now. tyrus? >> die-hard red sox fan, david

ortiz, big poppy, thank you and enjoy retirement. >> yeah. shelby? >> well, this is lame, but this is my first time doing a live audience show, i love it. thank you, guys. >> you did great. >> very fun. >> that was very nice. very nice, thank the audience. that never happens. larry? >> i wrote a song called "stand up and say so" for a new movie about hillary's america and also leave you with this about my chickens. my friend, roger miller, asked me one time, did you ever notice how much weight a chicken can gain and never show it in the face. true! >> last word, kat, anything? >> what happens to you in your life that you grow up to be an adult who dresses like ronald mcdonald for money? that's why i'm afraid to have kids. so many things can go wrong. >> you know what, it's a job. it's a job? all of us dress up. look at me! thanks to shelby holliday, larry

gatlin, great job, tyrus, katherine, our studio audience. i'm greg gutfeld. love you, america. at's it for u. back on monday. next bill o'reilly. >> thank you for watching us. if you thought the race for i'm bret baier in for or uglier than today's developments may make you think kben. two more women have come out alleging donald trump sexually assaulted him. charges he firmly denies. in a new batch of wikileaks e-mails have been released revealing investigation on the clinton foundation. both sides appear to be