>> to donald trump is can his papa -- pathetic fans of white privileged criminal businessmen, i would like to say to him, yes, sir! [cheers and applause] gregg: behold, the new face of the democratic party. [laughter] [cheers and applause] greg: all right, enough from you people. president trump had his most presidential week yet. he talked about building up the military on an aircraft carrier. he talked about fixing obamacare

to health care ceos. he listened in on parent/teacher conferences at a school in florida. oddly, so did i. and, of course, on tuesday in his address to congress, he hit it out of the park. of course, it helped that the park was the size of a yoga9 mat, meaning expectations were so low, his potential for killing it was high. mind you, low expectations are awesome. my success is based on everyone thinking that i suck. [laughter] but it didn't help the democrats that before the speech the media obsessed over a picture of kellyanne conway on a couch. oh, the outrage. but worse things have happened on that couch. [laughter] [applause] hey, just to clarify, rumor has it that for one year bill clinton actually disguised himself as the couch. [laughter] poor madeleine albright.

scarred her for life are. got out of politics. but trump's performance was so focused, it's as if he took all my advice and my adderall. the best part, the democrats. first, here's liz warren trying to clap. >> we have formed a council with our neighbors in canada to help insure that women entrepreneurs have access to the networks, markets and capital they need to start a business and live out their financial dreams. [applause] greg: she didn't hear it. i guess donald should have used smoke signals. [laughter] what are you laughing about? >> -- and then there was nancy. >> americans purchase their own coverage through the use of tax cents and expanded held savings -- health savings

accounts, but it must be the plan they want, not the one forced on them by our government. greg: did you just see pelosi try to roll her eyes? it's the only thing on her face that still moves. the democrats looked like they'd just eaten a large taco bell, chased it with a large coffee and realized there's no toilet paper. [laughter] trump's saying the things that they want to hear, but it's coming there him, and they can't admit it. they're like a child who refuses birthday cake because someone else's slice got all the frosting. debbie wasserman schultz and keith ellison, look at them. they're miserable. it's like they're married. [laughter] and on the worst carnival cruise ever. [laughter] their faces tighter than michael moore's yoga pants. meanwhile, outside the hall rosie. >> even the if our major media

companies will not call him a liar, we will! he lies! he lies! he lies! [laughter] greg: that's what you call persuasive. i'm pretty sure i once gave her money on the subway. [laughter] then the post-debate response. >> this president's speech mattered a lot less than the speeches of just about any other president because they're detached from his reality. he talks one way and does another. >> elections have consequences, and you saw some of them last night. >> this was steve bannon on steroids with a smile. i mean, start out with alternative facts. greg: schumer, pelosi and perez, what are three things that headache you puke for 1,000, alex. [laughter] and finally, what about that rebuttal? >> i'm a proud democrat. [laughter] but first and foremost, i'm a proud republican and democrat and mostly american. greg: what does that mean?

[laughter] [applause] mostly american. what else are you? vulcan? i don't know. also you've got to check out the people behind him. were they held at gunpoint? did one of them silently mouth "please send help"? so instead of cory booker, we get a reverse mortgage spokesman. but i don't blame them. for so long they've been pushing divisive identity politics, so the rebuttal was their feeble attempt to make amends. so they imitated trump's outreach, but like a drunk accountant trying to sing lady gaga, it grated. it was a disaster. as the democrats tried to beat trump, trump did a way better version of them. no wonder roast is city's -- rosie's pi is -- pissed. >>, this yet! [applause] greg: thank you, thank you.

all right, let's welcome our guests tonight. like albert einstein trapped in a house fire, she's as smart as she is hot, one of my co-hosts on the five, kimberly guilfoyle. [cheers and applause] i love this man. he is so sharp, he can dice an onion with his thoughts. he's the creator and host of the reuben report, the great dave reuben. and great hair, by the way, amazing hair. she loved the ending of old yeller, fox news contributor katherine timpf. [applause] and finally, tna wrestler and fox news contributor, tyrus. [applause] all right. i'm going to go down this thing. kimberly, we've been talking about this all week, what can you add to this conversation that we haven't said already about his performance? >> yeah, no, i loved that whole opening. that was fantastic.

i'm truly frightened by rosie, i don't know. i think trump's, ultimately, he's won the week because when you see people acting hysterically, and they're trying to make up these fake controversies when we know the dems have been hanging out with the russians just as much, you say so yourself, wow, they must be really terrified, they'll make up anything to try and undermine his presidency. when you have president trump giving an a amazing, probably the best speech that he's given to a joint session of congress, and then you have him speaking in front of the military, looking presidential again, he's owning 45, and it's really unclear what the democrats are even accomplishing at that point. and you said it, like, this is the new mascot of the democratic party. greg: if they're lucky. dave, what i -- when i watched his speech, it's not like it's ted cruz. it's more like ted baxter. he's down the middle. i mean, shouldn't democrats -- democrats are going to have a hard time hating him if he starts spending all this money, right? >> yeah.

first off, just on rosie, i like her, we're friendly, but i am going to have to tell her that she, too, is white. [laughter] it seems to me -- [applause] perhaps some of these people constantly complaining about white people need a mirror, or they're having some issues with lighting. [laughter] that said, we live in probably the dumbest time in the history of man right now -- >> i'd like to say i contributed to that. >> i have no doubt. >> really? >> but i get all my information there twitter, and i was on twitter after the speech, and i can confirm that half the country thought it was the greatest thing; and half the country thought it was completely insane, and we're doomed. greg: i, that point, i believe it's somewhere in the middle, because nothing is ever as great as it is or as bad, it's a little mix of both, kat, am i right? go ahead and speak to something that i didn't even mention. >> absolutely, you're right. greg: thank you. >> people who thought the speech was off, there's certain things

that you can't say was awful. i do think the democrat, republican, american-ish guy stole the show. i think that was the funniest thing i've ever seen. i'm often tempted, because this show is a little later, to have a drink before the show. now i'm going to remember that guy and just go, nope. [laughter] save my career. >> in the khakis? >> i just say how funny it is that i don't know his name. do any of you -- >> thank god for that. >> where'd they come up with this guy? greg: which one? >> the guy who gave the rebuttal. i didn't even know who you were talking about because i already forgot who he was. [laughter] >> he said it with such confidence too. >> it wasn't his fault. he'll read whatever's on the teleprompter. he has ron burgundy syndrome. whoever was typing it probably had a drink. greg: you know what, tyrus? i have to say it was a noble experiment. they knew they'd marginalized a segment of society, so they built that diorama of dismal dudes -- [laughter]

>> we live in an era of obstruction. doesn't heart -- donald trump could literally show up and have the cure for cancer in this hand, cure for aids in this hand, and the democrats, what, no flu? [laughter] obama had it, now trump has it. >> yeah. >> his thing is just to keep going. they're going to have their issues. no matter what he does, their going to have -- they're going to have a problem with it. and that's just the state of our country. and they're banking on what it did for the republican party is going to help with them. the republican party stuck with issues, they're being led by rosie o'donnell, and you are right, she's certainly white. we're not taking crept, that's all y'all. [laughter] but it's going to backfire. they have no other solution, it's just we -- >> i don't think anybody wanted to show up for that rebuttal. any takers? no one wanted to raise their hand and show up -- >> they pulled him out of the bar, and there he was. greg: he hopped on the tractor. >> elderly khaki ads for the gap

or something. greg: last point, am i right about the low expectations? >> yeah. greg: i think that helped. opposition is his fuel, his supplement, right? >> uh-huh. >> if the bar is hitler, pretty easy to exceed it. [laughter] >> we all have a friend like this, like a friend who's crazy, who says crazy things, and every now and again they're going to say something that sounds right, and you go, holy, jesus, that is a genius. >> like greg! [laughter] greg: all right. >> true. greg: i gotta move on, kimberly, okay? see her twice today. [laughter] still to come, the russians and sessions. that's a lot of ss. but first, here's a quick preview of the rest of the show. >> coming up on "the greg gutfeld show," snail racing. could this overtake football as america's most popular sportsome probably not. our expert panel will debate it anyway. plus, does joe biden consider the time he and

president obama ate 500 hot wings to be their greatest achievement? >> that can never be placed in question. i'll not mince words, it will occur again, i promise you. [applause] >> and later, just how far can lou dobbs jump a semi truck? we've got tips on how to be awesome from the world's most electrifying newsman. what do all these stories have in common? no donald trump, which is why we're doing them. none of these stories on "gutfeld" tonight. [cheers and applause] ♪ he ♪ ♪

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♪ ♪ >> welcome to the latest edition of who had lunch with the russian. yes, apparently people in washington meet with foreign diplomats. i know, it's crazy. in other news, i get a goth at hot topic. [laughter] [applause] all right, enough of that. so as the media pursues this story like a cannibal chasing a fat kid, attorney general jeff sessions recused himself from any investigations involving russian meddling with the last election. on thursday sessions had in this

to say. >> let me be clear, i never had meetings with russian operatives or russian intermediaries about the trump campaign. and the idea that i was part of a, quote, continuing exchange of information during the campaign between trump surrogates and intermediaries for the russian government, is totally false. greg: this after "the washington post" claimed sessions met with russian ambassador sergei kisliak last year. sessions said he had no communication with the russians regarding the presidential campaign. some say he lied, but others question the timing of these revelations coming right after trump's successful address to congress. and what about those pictures of sergei schmoozing with american politicians? oh, yeah, democratic american politicians. [laughter] he's like the russian forest

gump. as nelson might put it -- >> ha, health care -- haha! dave, do you think this is a problem for sessions, or is it being overblown? >> first of all, following nelson is a comedy nightmare. i did punch a couple russians on the way here. remember a couple of weeks ago punching nazis was cool? [laughter] even if they order russian dressing, you've got to -- >> good show preparation. >> i would say this, look, the democrats seem to think that we are in 1985 and that we have to seven rocky balboa to fight in moscow on christmas day. >> we don't? [laughter] >> also, rocky balboa, not real. we have to tell them that too. [laughter] greg: it's true.

and let's not forget, rocky lost. what a loser. >> oh, my gosh, don't disparage rocky. that's just as low as a -- >> i was joking. for russians, espionage is their yoga, kimberly. it's what they do to be limber. >> they're into that. they're tan trick in every way. they specialize in espionage and disinformation campaigns, and now they're making fools of the democrats, and it looks like the democrats actually had more consorting with him and and the free mooching at the parties, parties and drinks and food than the republicans. so i think sessions was good to come right out in front and say, listen, what are you guys talking about? nothing's improper here. he came on this network too and talked about it, so much ado about nothing. greg: tyrus, i have a theory that the democrats were meeting with the russians to undermine trump, not the other way around. >> that could be possible. greg: it probably isn't, but i hike saying it. [laughter] >> we're forgetting one thing, this is sessions' fault. greg: really?

>> okay. you and i are in court, and the attorney asks me, mr. tyrus, were you with her the day that she died? no. >> good answer. >> i was not with her. come to find out i had breakfast with her. but i wasn't with her when she died. democrats are going to keep throwing stuff on the wall, and sessions tripped over it. if he would have answered it the right way with, no, i wasn't talking to no russians, period. if i said that in court and they saw a picture of me and ivan hanging out, they'd be like, got him. negro's going to jail, liar. [laughter] sorry, sessions. it's on him. if he answers right, they got nothing. but because of this silly, dumb stuff, they have something. greg: so what i learned from your sons is that if somebody -- your response is that if somebody i know dies, i should say i was with them for breakfast. >> yeah. [laughter] >> not that you had them for breakfast. >> there's the one that the heritage foundation reception

which was no big deal and the one in september when the hacks already took place. if you asked me if i'd been talking to the russian, and then you could bust me because yesterday i was with my russian hairstylist, and we did colewd to give me beautiful -- collude to give me beautiful hair. [laughter] >> get your money back. >> it's also important -- [laughter] [applause] it's important to note that the recusing himself really didn't have anything to do with the russia stuff. he was a surrogate for a campaign and, no, you shouldn't be able to investigate a campaign you were a surrogate for. thankfully, he understood this, somebody whose name rhymes with loretta lynch understands this. [laughter] when he had his own conflict be, he actually recused himself. who knew? i very rarely see that of any politician. >> let's not forget that the question was asked by snl question al franken -- [laughter] [applause] who he was reading something for the first time. greg: yes, he was.

>> fumbling over what he was saying and laughing while he was reading it, so that does kind of buy into your theory that they're kind of in on it. greg: it's all coming full circle. if trump wanted to collude with the russians, he could have done a better job. you don't go up and brag about it on a campaign. hey, russians, go of after hillary. you don't do that unless you're super brilliant. >> yes. >> he didn't telegraph that. he always says obama used to do that. greg: we've got to take a break. coming up, a story so hot you might mistake it for me. [laughter] but first, was the left -- what's the left hyperventilating over this week? overdone steak? >> do you think she should have to go to couch sensitivity trainingsome. >> without a doubt. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ per roll bounty is more absorbent, so the roll can last 50% longer than the leading ordinary brand.

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but with my back pain i couldn't sleep or get up in time. then i found aleve pm. the only one to combine a safe sleep aid plus the 12 hour pain relieving strength of aleve. and now. i'm back! aleve pm for a better am. ♪ ♪ >> live from america's news headquarters, i'm patti ann brown. president obama says allegations made by president trump accusing him of wiretapping trump tower are false. those tweets were made saturday morning. president trump did not offer proof of the alleged wiretapping. such action would have required an order from a judge after establishing probable cause. and supporters of president trump held rallies around the country today in support of the

president. supporters by the hundreds turning out from washington, d.c. to new york city to mar-a-lago near the president's compound in florida. demonstrate arers say the rally ares were intended to show unity in the face of what organizers call a seditious fringe that aims to sabotage trump's vision for the country. now back to "the greg gutfeld show." greg: i have a theory. when it comes to all things trump, the internet idiots and the media have something in common, they swing at everything, and they always lose. for example, this week the washington post ran a story about the president's first dinner in d.c., a $54 steak. well done with ketchup. unappetizing, maybe. the end of the world, hard lu. then there was the couch thing. during the president's meeting with leaders of historically

black colleges, kellyanne conway was photographed on the oval office couch with her shoes on, legs folded underneath her. "the new york times" headline, coloradan ney casually sits and arbiters take a stand. ooh, that was clever turning of a phrase. [laughter] they should see how i celebrated new year's with my chinchilla. ♪ ♪ so easy to get that little guy drunk. laugh but very hard to get him removed. >> ooh! [laughter] greg: tyrus -- >> terrible. greg: i find the attack on a well done steak highly elitist. >> i eat well done steaks with a1 sauce, and i wish someone would come talk about my food plate. i get it butterflied in half, trust no one.

i don't want your commie pinn meat inside -- pink meat inside my steak. [laughter] >> way to take it all the way. >> i did. greg: that's how he feels about his meat. >> oh! greg: kimberly, well done steak with ketchup is what an 8-year-old boy does. i would put ketchup on a shoe when i was 8 years old. i think donald is still an 8-year-old. he likes candy, he likes beef -- >> wait a second, what's wrong with ketchup? greg: i love it. >> i'm also partial to a1. greg: what are your thoughts on all this whack-a-moling? >> listen, they just look like haters. they're trying to throw shade on the president. he's doing a great job. greg: couldn't people say that about us though during the obama yearsesome. >> no. maybe you. [laughter] greg: i mean, it's true, the pend lumbar has swung. now we are saying -- >> they don't want to give him credit for anything he does.

they're just disingenuous, and they're lacking credibility, and their party's falling apart. they don't look good in any way. they've got nancy pelosi, tragic, that's it. greg: all right. >> guys, aren't republicans supposed to be the old, rich, white elitists that eat steak the way they eat it, and now who's mocking him? greg: yes. >> who's mocking him? it's the liberals, my guys or the guys that now hate me. [laughter] >> they don't love you anymore. greg: you're losing them. i call this meat shaming, you know? [laughter] it's like signaling that i'm not as involved as you are because i eat my meat medium now, and i do like to kneel on a couch now and then, but for reasons i can't get into. >> that's a height issue. >> there's a callback to the chinchilla. greg: yes, there is. ask the e.r. hey, kat -- >> now you know it's a true story. [laughter] brought it up twice. [applause] greg: kat, thoughts on this, and

i'm told you've investigated this couch madness. >> yeah, greg, obviously. it was the most important story of the week. [laughter] i had to investigate it further. america, again this week you get to see my package. >> boy. >> whoo! >> what do you think when you see this? >> ridiculous. she wants to sit on that couch, she probably can. >> you're saying you don't think she should be fired, deported and imprisoned? >> i do not think that. [laughter] >> is this better or worse than calvin coolidge clipping his toenails on the couch? >> it's a close call. >> this is nothing, also, compared to how ulysses s. grant spilled all the the spaghetti on the couch. >> that would be far worse. >> calvin coolidge used to peel hard-boiled eggs on couch? >> absolutely. [laughter] who do you think has been worse for white house couches, kellyanne conway or william jefferson clinton? i don't think he liked the

couch. >> what's your couch look like at home? soft or is it firm? >> medium. >> soft couch can be very embarrassing for everyone involved. would you rather have her on your couch or bill clinton doing what he does? who would you rather have on your couch, kellyanne conway or bill clinton? >> i'll take clinton. >> would you leave him unattended though? >> no, no. >> maybe the couch was added later by the failing new york times. [laughter] [applause] do you think she should have to go to couch sensitivity training? >> without a doubt. >> have you had a worse experience on a couch than this? >> yes. the answer's yes. >> me too. laugh -- [laughter] my grandma covers all her couches in plastic. should my grandma get a job covering couches in plastic at the white house? >> yeah, if they're going to continue to do that. grand ma, get those covers. -- grandma, get those covers. [cheers and applause] >> thanks, guys. i would like to cover the

important issues, so now i have my finger right on the pulse of america. greg: this marginalizes your concerns. that's what happens, when you go after everything. what about the big mole you've got to whack? >> i'm excited about this because three years ago it would have been white woman hiding her legs from black men. greg with: we've replaced black people with couches. >> she's texting, i see black people. [laughter] >> bill clinton, right? i mean, come on, the things that he did -- >> dog offense the couch. dogs on the couch. >> he was sitting in a care when he got the -- >> at a desk much like this. >> i mean, you know, at least nobody got around and punched their legs out. greg: you know what bothers me, she can't kneel on it, but george bush always had that big, black dog rolling on the

couch -- >> you're jealous of jasper, you don't like animals, you've got issues. it's true, he does. greg be: i'm not jealous of a dog. >> you stopped following dana on instagram -- >> because every 20 seconds -- >> it is an excessoff amount of dogs, i gotta be honest. >> an competitive amount of sweaty weight lifting. >> and yours is nothing but a lot of tears and call me. greg: dave, what's on your instagram? >> this is why i don't post on instagram. greg: all right, up next, you'll vomit joy for your eyeballs. colin kaepernick will stand for the national anthem next season. what a hero. [cheers and applause] pleasure. ♪ ♪

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>> moral outrage is the new emotional body odor. everyone gets it now and then, and it stinks. while it appears it's a sign you care about societal harms, new research suggests it's often a funk of self-interest -- function of self-interest. of course, i'm speaking of the supreme phony of 206, colin kaepernick. a new report says the dim-witted qb will stand for the national anthem next season. [laughter] that's funny he thinks there's a next season. [laughter] [applause] espn is reporting that he will no longer kneel in the name of social inequality next season, he's going to go back to standing, citing sources kaepernick no longer wants his method of protest the detract from the positive change he believes he has created. could be that he really did bring about positive change. could also be that he hired new

agents this week who told him to start standing, or you'll be homeless in a year selling your hair for pot. [laughter] [applause] happened to me. it happened to me for a while. i was down in the dumps. didn't make a lot of money. all right, dave, why do you think -- >> i'd hold onto that, if i were you. greg: thank you. yes, it's rude. do you think he did it because of a positive message because he knew he was getting a -- >> i'm out of the loop, is joe montana not the quarterback -- >> greatest quarterback ever, by the way. >> joe montana? joe montana was the greats quarterback that -- >> everybody i knew young was better. >> no, huh-uh, joe montana. knock it off. greg: where are we going -- >> i have nothing to add. >> colin kaepernick, real quick, he wanted to be a citizen. he went for a protest, he started conversation, he raised a million dollars, the 49ers gave him a million dollars, he attempted to do something, he got a conversation.

so i'll give him that. but going forward, he didn't register to vote, he made horrible statements, and now he's -- i'm not going to do it anymore because one thought is because he got a new manager, because he's holding onto his career by a string. i was watching espn today and the argument was martin luther king didn't march every day of the week. no, he didn't, but his message went with him everywhere. >> generally, when i find things are working, i don't stop doing them. laugh -- [laughter] my first clue that maybe he acknowledges it wasn't. >> well, if you're protesting, kat, and suddenly people are listening to you and helping you this a positive way, you don't need to protest anymore. >> only in america could a guy making $5, $10 million a year be oppressed. greg: and show up at a press conference with fidel castro on your shirt and a malcolm x -- >> that's an oxymoron. brother's head was in the right place, but he didn't read a book. [laughter]

greg: i think he should be a spokesman for knee pads. [laughter] no, because he's constantly kneeling. >> he's giving the 49ers a bad name. you know how much i love that team, and he is the worst play,, honestly. greg: i was a 49er fan all my life, and now attach him to that. >> they gave him an award, a trophy. >> that's what it was all about in the first place. >> he's not going to be a 49er. he'll come to new york, he'll be a jet. >> it was about the girlfriend. >> it was, right? he wanted to please the girlfriend be, she was with black lives matter. greg: that's what everybody does. >> how are you going to do it and not vote? the guy didn't vote. >> well, because he would have had to get up! [laughter] [applause] greg: nice set-up. very good.

i think we all kind of agree -- >> i'm outraged. >> i'm outraged about the moral outrage. it allowed lazy intellects to redefine themselves as romantic heroes. >> i'm shocked to hear that these college kids writing op to eds about how eyebrows are not actually just, you know, really trying to rid the world of the eyebrows that are hurting people. of course it makes themselves feel better. i can be the smartest and they can throw the problem at someone wells. uneducated, not culturally educated other rather than saying, oh, maybe i should get a hobby. >> but then what would you do? like, i'm a big supporter of the dolphin stuff, rick berry and his family supporting dolphins' rights and all that kind of stuff, but i show up to work 15 minutes late every day because i'm so pressed. i just can't get to burger king on time. what are you going to do if you can't make excuses for your lazy ass life? >> so many people go on mission

trips for the facebook likes. that's all they talk about. clearly, it's, you know, not an entirely selfless act. >> i hate to say it, i mean, this is my guys on the left that are doing this. they're playing this oppression olympics where victimhood is the highest virtue. you're better, you get more likes, more clicks -- >> and you're a good person. greg: but as a person of height-challenged status, i am the most oppressed, and i never complain about it. >> what are you talking about? every time you go on an airplane, you're oppressed? try being on the other side of the spectrum. [laughter] [applause] try getting a pair of shoes in the store, greg. >> oh, my goodness. greg: see what i mean? >> these people don't have anything else going on, they're just wallowing in the bottom of the lack of self-esteem abyss. greg: they truly are wallowing. coming up, witches are planning a massive spell against president trump. it's good to see he's making the occult great again. [cheers and applause] ♪

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♪ ♪ing. >> they want to focus their hocus pocus on potus. [laughter] took a while. i speak of a group of witches --

we have lots of them -- who are casting spells on president trump every waning crescent moon at midnight until he's no longer president. >> to the find donald j. trump that he may do no harm -- >> that he may do no harm. >> to any human soul. >> to any human soul. >> nor any tree -- >> nor any tree -- [laughter] >> animal -- >> animal. >> rock -- >> rook. >> stream -- can. >> or sea. you're fired! you're fired! you're fired! greg: that's adorable. [laughter] i like their plucky spirit. in fact, i offer them a slogan: yes, wican. [laughter] previously, lana del rey, my favorite celebrity witch,

ingredients can be found online. unreal. can't believe she's making me look up the ingredients myself. lazy witches are the worst witches. [laughter] all right. kimberly finish. >> yeah. remember that cute show charmed? greg. yes. >> that was so nice. they were nice witches. they didn't seem to, you know, they just wanted to make out with hot demons and whatever. that was fine. that was when witches were sort of innocent, right? that's cute. >> i think, you know what though? i didn't like charmed because it glorified the occult. no, i like that. >> wait a second, you just did a segment on that. >> how much worse can society get, you know what i mean? we're really veering into, like, okay, we got -- i see this story, and it's like, of course, the witches against trump, the aliens against trump, and we're going to be walking dead against trump. a lot of voters are the walking dead, but it's never going to stop at this point, so, yeah,

witches against trump? all right. >> this is pretty much peak pathetic, actually. think about anybody who does spells. if you hear a girl is looking online for spells to try to get her boyfriend back? is she doing that because she has a lot of other options? [laughter] it's just the height of being pathetic and sad. you looking up ingredients that lana del rey gave you for the president to lose his job? what? you have the saddest life ever, and i will pray for you. greg: you're an atheist. >> yeah. laugh -- [laughter] greg: tyrus -- >> wait a minute. try and do that bewitch thing. [laughter] >> i'm an atheist, but i'm still scared of witches because my mom taught me to fear them. >> cat in the corn feel. come on. greg: looks like you're -- >> it's not working. you know what? i'd just like to know how many takes can be come on, josh, we've got to get this right.

we have got to wish him away. maybe i'll start my own. i wonder what they're charging for that group? i'm sure they're all paying something -- >> way to be an entrepreneur. >> did i hear that correctly, they wish no harm to a rock? greg: yes, not the country, but a rock. [laughter] a tree, and -- >> blasphemy, because they're burning wood for their fire! greg: i know. [laughter] >> you dumb bastards! [applause] greg: that is so true. [applause] >> how many trees have to die for your spell? greg: yes. >> i thoughting -- i thought they meant the rock. greg: everybody loves the rock. >> i don't love the rock. greg: i think this gives witches a bad rap. people think witches are evil but, in fact, witches -- they developed this to protect themselves inville annalses because they're often persecuted, elderly women who did not have -- >> salem witch trials. greg: yes. just trying to defend themselves, so they came up with this whole phony --

>> enough about nancy pelosi. [laughter] the point is -- [applause] >> you know what though? they need to be careful, because donald trump mess around and change isis to witchcraft, and they're roll up -- what do you do with witches, you drown 'em? if they don't drown, they're not witches? greg: yeah, yeah, yeah. this' the problem. i think they need more monuments to the witches. it was a horrible life. horrible life. >> they're very popular at halloween, but they've got a good union. greg: yes. and they do carry a broom. it's helpful. up next, a video that could change how you see the world. ms. . ♪ ♪ [applause] safe drivers who switch to esurance could save money on car insurance. in fact, safe drivers who switch from geico to esurance could save hundreds. so if you switch to esurance, saving is a pretty safe bet. auto and home insurance for the modern world. esurance. an allstate company. click or call. that gives you better taste

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>> it happens to everyone -- [laughter] you try to smile but you can't. you're not depressed -- [laughter] you just find yourself resisting the urge to smile when you hear good news. because it's coming from him. but it's not your fault. or his. you may be suffering from donald-plexia when you are incapable of admitting he's saying something sensible, because it's coming there donald trump. ♪ ♪ >> but now there's hope for suffer sufferers with trump-x. trump-x works on the brain's chemical receptors where you've been trained to instinctively hate trump because that behavior is rewarded by your friends in the media, entertainment industry and academia. >> you know, lately i just can't stand donald trump. i hate him. i want to punch him in the nose, i can't stand him. but lately i've been taking trumpex, it makes me happy, makes me smile. [laughter] a little bit, a little bit.

>> when i take trumpex, i can now smile when i hear ideas that'll help people like jobs for the middle class or rebuilding america's infrastructure. >> trumpex finally allows you to admit that he is not a heartless monster, but just a guy who wants to make america great again. >> hi, i'm steve patrol. before even when trump said something i liked like strengthening our nays' defenses, i don't even nod my head, now i've been able to abandon my reflexive ideology that causes me to shun common sense. [laughter] >> warning: do not take trumpex when flying on an airplane or when not flying on an airplane. [cheers and applause] greg: yes, all right. we gotta go. thanks to kimberly guilfoyle be, dave reuben, katherine timpf, tyrus, studio audience. i'm greg gutfeld. i love you, america. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

you are watching the fox news >> explosive accusations there president trump p today alleging former president obama tapped the phone lines at trump tower just weekes before the election. welc everyone, i'm kimberly guilfoyle in for jesse waters. phone lines of trump towers. are these alleged taps even legal? we head to mar-a-lago where president trump is about to meet with some of his star. kristen fisher is there with the latest from his camp. reporter: it's been over 12