coming up your way next. have a great day. ♪ ♪ gregg: she puts the mad in mad dow. >> it's been a little bit of a hullabaloo around here this evening. >> people were literally tweeting at me, shut up.

>> you may have heard we've got some significant breaking news tonight. donald trump's tax returns. tonight we have this exclusive first look at their reporting, at what they have obtained. in just a second, we are going to show you exactly what it is that we've got. we have obtained this, but this is all we've got. greg: this is all we've got. i think we found the title of rachel maddow's autobiography. [laughter] this is all we've got by rachel had dow. how i fell for donald trump. [laughter] anyway, the last time i saw a fail that bad, let me think -- >> one, two, three, tour -- ♪ ♪ [laughter] ♪ whatever happened to -- greg: i expected so much from that. or maybe it was this -- ♪ so when you need me, darling

darling -- greg: yep. or maybe it was this. >> now having said all this -- [laughter] why aren't i 50 points ahead, you might ask. greg:ing it was that bad. talk about a stunt i blowing up in your taste. even geraldo was like, oh, glad i'm not here. [laughter] right now he's thank god for rachel maddow. no more drunks shouting al capone's vault at him when he's on his yacht. it's thousand rachel's returns. -- it's now rachel's returns. it reminded me of those youtube pranksters, all this buildup before the trick goes really wad. >> oh! [bleep] [laughter]

greg: well done. [laughter] literally, his ass is well done. [laughter] [applause] so was that a bad idea? >> oh, my god -- >> that was such a bad idea. greg: and, you know, you can always sense a stunt is about to go wrong which is why rachel dragged in other hosts andhe guests to save her. thousand she claims it's the viewers' fault for expecting so much from so little. this is after acting like she discovered bigfoot's penise inside the locke necessary monster's -- lock necessary monster's butt. which would be area. but like the dopes on youtube, it's all about the numbers with by playing a number on all of us. while we may be on the verge of war with north korea, we stat transfixed over -- sat transfixed over tax returns.

she's more of a capitalist than lou dobbs. anyway -- [laughter] it's refreshing not to be on the crazy side of things for once. remember when president obama used to drive right-wingers crazy? >> let's say bill is the average american here x i'm president obama. this is the way i feel. i feel like president obama is just saying, you know what? [laughter] i've got that $3.5 trillion budget that we're doing, you know? what else could i possibly do td the hearn people? to the american people? president obama, why don't you just set us on fire. don greg: oh, those were good times. thousand the clown shoe is on the other toot. donald trump's like a prankster pulling out the wires from the back of the rachel robot. she ends up freaking out like a her butt's on fire. now, i know donald trump isn't perfect, but the people who hatt

him don't like you or me much either, and it becomes more true every day. why is it so hard for the leftft to lose? is it the consequence withs of delayed adulthood? a political defeat has turned actual adults into bed-wetting blobs of protoplasm who'd sacrifice security rather than agree with trump on anything. take the travel ban. you could water that thing down so only redheads from the villages are banned, and they'd still scream islamophobia. so we see the five stages of crazy. one, superior and calm -- >> russia, russia, russia. everything trump touches turns into another story about trump and russia. greg: then thurm two, the emotional wrath -- number two, the emotional wrath. >> i am a nasty woman. [cheers and applause]'m not i'm not as nasty as a man who looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust.

[laughter] greg: what's wrong with cheetoh dust? three, the world is ending. >> nyet, sir, nyet! nyet! nyet! no, we won't. we see what you have done, sir. greg: glad she brought the sign. four, losing your [bleep] mind. >> no! [applause] greg: but then finally, there is acceptance. join us, we're having a good time. [cheers and applause] the fact is we are now living in a parallel universe where one-half finds fear in the other half's fun. so what side would you rather with on? [cheers and applause] >> here he is.

greg: yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. let us introduce tonight's guests. i'm so excited. he is so cool, he is so cool the fonz has a poster of him on his world. world class body builder, it's lou dobbs, host of lou dobbs tonight on the fox business network. [cheers and applause] like a times square billboard, she's always lit. fox l.a. anchor lauren savon. [cheers and applause] he gets iron in his diet by eating actual iron. retired special forces master sergeant terry schaaper. [cheers and applause] master and she's stealthier than the rim of a margarita. national review reporter, fox news contributor kat timpf. [cheers and applause] so, lou, what was your take on the whole tax return thing?

she got 3.7 million viewers. huge demos, great numbers, but how many times can you do that? >> yeah, i was wondering that very thing. i'm glad you put it that way because i was -- actually, i was thinking why couldn't i have that 3.7 million i viewers? [laughter] greg: yes. >> but to actually have stephen colbert go after you, i mean, the left turned on her so quickly. i mean, i was astonished that they showed such, well, such an unfettered desire to cannibalizi their own. and at the same time, i was absolutely sure they had done the right thing. [laughter] greg: yes, it was so much fun. and i the word "unfettered." i don't know what it means half the time, but i like all of my things to be unfettered, including you. what was your take on the event? of the week, i would think, this is the event of the week. >> i think we don't like being duped, we don't like being lured into, you know, the champagne r room only -- [laughter]

only to be swindled. and we definitely don't like being duped by, you know, like a highly caffeinated cpr dummy. [laughter]my greg: yes. [laughter] >> so she's really selling it and, you know, the product doesn't deliver. greg: no, it didn't. and i happen to have been in the champagne room, you know? >> i know you though the feeling. greg: that tyrone. those were not real abs. hey, terry. >> hey.s greg: great to see you, as always. the great thing about this is i don't think there's going to be -- i'm just happy for geraldo -- >> all the heat's off of him. greg: he's free from the vault. there was never an al capone's vault two, so i don't think she can do this again. >> you're right. by the way, i think you actually enjoy being fetorred. that's -- fettered. and, three, i think as the joke has been said, sometimes the world just likes to watch the world burn.

i'm one of those dudes. i have had such a good time watching these guys melt. it was awesome on election night when trump was winning, you could see that, and you can see it now it's going to continue like this. i wish donald trump would be a little more difficult to attack. he could make himself a little less -- greg: make himself a smaller target to use military vernacular. >> you and i, we speak the same language. greg i was born a small target. [laughter]at i would have been great if i i chose to fight. but i didn't because i'm a conscientious coward. >> you know what, greg? i think it's very brave to do the show the way you do it. greg: thank you, thank you, thank you. [applause] continue with your applause until you're exhausted. all right, kat, i have this belief -- i feel this is like a mirror reversal of the effect that obama had on some people as well, right? it kind of happens. it's like -- >> you mean barack husain obama? [laughter]

greg: yes. obama made beck, could trump be making rachel? >> this was so embarrassing for everybody though. two pages from 2005, that's like the part where you write name. you know? name is donald trump, oh, my god. that'd be like if people were threatening to hack my phone and my photos and saying we're posting all of these pictures of kat, and it wound up being the pictures of my food that i took before i found the one that looked delicious enough to post it, and she's still stroking it. greg: yeah. >> food in russia, is she eating it this russia? why wouldn't she post it? she's not giving up even though everyone's telling her, come on, lady. greg: they need a tack return intervention -- tax return intervention. then she gets on a plane, she flies to malibu. they always knew to malibu, promises, and they sit there for a week, and they go, the tax returns, you need to --

>> seems like keith olberman would be a really great party guest. greg: yes, he would. [laughter] >> by the way, he wouldn't. >> she was just hoping if she said stuff this this is a scandal voice, people wouldn't listen. greg: but it's interesting, there's a contrast between the benign good news of the past 50 or 60 dayses and the apocalyptic fervor. it's never been so smart. if trump declared america a caliphate, hsnbc -- msnbc would call him islam phobic. before we go, we've all heard of themed cruises, but you've never seen one so incredible. take a look. >> imagine a vacation where you and doeses on adult-sized -- dozens of adult-sized babies, the ultimate luxury getaway of self-victimization. well, now you can with the cruise to nutsville. you'll attend life-changing semifars with your special quests, listen to katy perry on

how to mouth stuff you read on a huff post blog. keith openerman on how to time -- obermann on how to time medicines so you don't let down on air. madonna on coping with me tillty, plus michael moore, lena dunham, rosie o'donnell and ashley judd and how to yell at cops with surprise guest, psycho professor lady. >> i'm a professor! [laughter]ely >> together, you'd intimately discussed with how the planet has made you so upset with tricall i didn't thinks yousu forget how much things really matter. great ports of call, the cruise to nutsville promises to be the most self-absorbed i vent you'vo ever been to -- event you'vele ever been to. so if you're ready to rub shoulders with people just as out of touch with reality, call 555-thoughts for your tickets for the cruise to nutsville today. gregg: it is all-inclues -- inclusive. [applause]

coming up, you'll need to chase it down with some pep toe. snoop dogg and little bow wow, clowns on the way down for a thousand, alex. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ boost

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>> snoop took a pooper and then bowwow licked it all up. rapper snoop dogg released a video this week depicting donald trump, after an innocent man is gunned down in it video snoop gets revenge by pointing a toy gun and pulling the trigger is genius. he responded on twitter. he said can you imagine what the outcry would be if snoop dogg's failing career and all fire the gun at president obama? gel time. it sounds kind of familiar. even if you bring up the corollary people will be upset. how about doing that. where's the liberal outrage when it comes to civility. you're welcome mr. president. anyway, that tweet for mr. trump led rapper, who? [laughter]

he tweeted this attack on the first lady. a low, real donald trump shut your -- about my uncle snoop dogg. before we pimp your wife and make her work for us. that deserves a blue, audience brewers. stop with the booing. later, he deleted the tweets. at least bowwow, also known as little loser trended on twitter and he did not even have to die. not that anyone would notice of course. you know a lot about this arena. what is your take on this new, bowwow controversy? >> i have given this a lot of thought. great, i have lost interest in snoop after the dog a father

although i enjoyed his work with dr. dre. after that, to be honest i drifted into a very heavy phase, i entered and truly lost myself, 36 chambers. for the reference, i have -- on my ankle. [applause] >> greg: i think the show is over. and in the morning we are going to go home and i don't even want to ask you another question. >> i do not have many answers. so this works out. >> greg: lauren, i don't like exercising outrage muscles. i know it will come back and hurt me. i will end up saying something stupid. the only reason this bugs me and apparently doesn't bug anyone on the other side, the corollary if

you had said that about michelle obama you would lose your job. i guess he doesn't have a job to lose. >> will come i think this is a free speech issue. if you put donald trump in one of his videos than that is his message as an artist. i'm fine with that. if you're looking to snoop dogg or little bowwow as your moral compass, this is a man whose greatest hit included telling women to -- scrotum. that's where i don't understand outrage. these are wrappers. >> greg: what you expect? that is an interesting point. i think i've heard enough from you. i am done with you. cat, they benefited from lower expectations.

a rapper can say whatever he wants because they're just wrappers, isn't that insulting to the average rapper? why is and he wrapping about nice things? >> snoop has been appearing a lot with martha stewart. so maybe you need to read badass things from cell. how do we even know that was donald trump. that could've been anyone. >> again it's a free speech issue and doesn't really bother me i guess the little bow wow thing is atrocious. the jury is out on whether or not you should pimp women. whether that is a good thing. he deleted the tweet like oh, my bad, like. >> greg: he is not a bow wow, he is a meow, meow. his latest tweet he said he is okay because he is with god and

he went to the movies. [laughter] >> if you are a man and your name starts with a net al, ' il, you're in trouble. you can go with ever little bit, it's just not going to work. >> it would be funny by is large and it was a little break. with all the crap that we see in it is pretty considerable, we have to be careful on the right that we do not do that, that whiplash, read jerk. what trump should do, so turning into paul lind there. my point is, trumpet to make himself a smaller target should do something like instead of tweeting your career socks, he should just say hey man, i thought you were great in the old school. that's it. that would actually be mocking snoop dogg. because that would've been the last movie he was in.

just say something smart like love you in black. >> greg: if all else fails quote the dogs. >> i am still trying to figure out. >> greg: by the way, only a few people see it. >> i am still trying to figure out the coincidence on the number of times you are going to need the plural for scrotum. >> greg: you never know. you need it today. i asked bow wow to come on the show and he did not respond. so, there you go. he is busy crying. up next a source so powerful it could dead lift your entire family. how do we pay for the border wall? and can we reverse mortgages? my name is pam. i'm 51 years old. when i was diagnosed with

pneumococcal pneumonia, it was huge for everybody. she just started to decline rapidly. i was rushed to the hospital... my symptoms were devastating. the doctor said, "pam! if you'd have waited two more days, you would've died." if i'd have known that a vaccine could have helped prevent this, i would have asked my doctor or pharmacist about it.

i met marianne, now back to the greg gutfeld show. for your latest headlines go to foxnews.com. >> greg: so, where's waldo? the money to pay for the big beautiful wall president trump promised us. he said he has hundreds of bidders. everyone wants to bill build our

wall. >> we have hundreds of bidders, everyone wants to build our wall usually that means we are going to get a good price. we are going to build a wall. >> greg: the budget plan to set aside for billion dollars over the next two years for the wall. how do we come up with that kind of money? here's what i would do. i would get every girl scout in america to sell cookies year-round. four bucks a box, that's a billion boxes of cookies to pay for the wall. we reduce the risk of criminals and terrorists entering the country well enjoy delicious cookies and the scouts would earn a badge. everybody wins, including me. [applause] will come i think you should pay for. you have a stack of money under the couch. >> i believe in full citizenship participation in projects like

this. when we do send the bill to mexico, we'll have an endless loop of fox telling precisely what we can do with our wall. i would be honored to contribute >> greg: how do you think it will be paid for? >> i think it's going to be paid for the old-fashioned way. taxpayers and lots of debt. we are not in a position yet to overcome that. i do think the president is absolutely correct. eventually he is going to get recompense from the mexican government in one form or another. >> greg: terry, what you think? do you think the wall is a mirage, or where there is a will there is no wall? >> if you build it you will keep them out. >> greg: if you build it they won't come. [applause] >> if there is a will there is a way.

it is going to get done. it will get on. i think it is a matter of priorities. this big-budget thinking about cutting this or that, i'm a mill former military guy. i would be happy to see if part of the military budget cut per there's a lot of ways, and crap in the pentagon. that's a swamp too. if you are smart, it's doable. it is not going to get done in a day. it is going to take a while. overall, in the long term it will shift things in this not only an economy but society. >> greg: cat, what are your thoughts on the wall? >> i don't really like the wall. i don't want to go into more debt. i understand why this is his thing. he probably really misses building stuff. he loved a building stuff. if i were the president i might miss sitting on the couch and talking. i might say what we really need on the southern border is a long , curvy couch.

i can sit there. >> greg: and your speech would be great. right now we are outnumbered by aliens. >> he's probably thinking what do i know how to do? >> think about it. a year ago everybody thought this was a joke. now, it is part of america first budget, the first billion and a half. it is being designed and built. >> but that was not the promise that we voted for him on. mexico is supposed to pay for the wall. >> that is true. >> by the way, mexico owes me so much. >> explain. >> mexico is still informing most notably my dignity and self-respect south of the border and spring break. >> you never feel more american

waking up pants down in a stall. >> it's always senior drama and then crying on the beach at night. >> in the back of a police car. >> and trying to get the sand out. it could take weeks. >> i don't know why there's not more outrage and their and black-and-white in his budget were paying for. i'm [inaudible] board with a wall of its coming out of our taxpayer money. >> greg: i agree with it. what if they could sell the bricks. now there has never been a better time to invest in a wall. these are my bricks. buy one, get five. >> you have it

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>> little kim is looking grim. currently the u.s. is performing military drills off the coast of south korea. it's not making north korea's leader very happy. the teensy tyrant has promised merciless attacks against the u.s. as retaliation. please, you think that scares me , i have a president who tweets. he said north korea is behaving very badly. they have been playing the united states for years. china has done little to help. and that was a nice response. trump is playing good cop. do you know who is playing good backup? big rex tillerson. >> let me be very clear. the policy of strategic patience has ended. we are exploring a new range of diplomatic, security, and economic measures.

all options are on the table. >> greg: the table. north korea has conducted two missile tests in washington think they can soon develop a nuclear tip nestle missile that could reach the united states, not for vacation purposes. all potential wars upon us, do people care? there more important things to focus on. for example, that pregnant draft that has been in labor since 1976. prince william being a terrible dancer, look at him go. stuck in that egg forever. in the matrix reboot which i hope is all women because that's the thing. and of course, this. okay how do you feel about the

threats from north korea, is this a new story or old story? >> every time you see something from north korea's substitute for china because that's who's doing it. remember north korea is china's pitbull. china owns them. so then i going to do anything without china's blessing. north korea's nutty as he is he is owned by china. this is a great thing. because what's happening now is china stepping in san we have to step between this because were preventing north korea and we have to rain in japan and the u.s. you have to let china know, and this is a good thing. by watching china use north korea as a proxy on the chain, were finding out that we are getting to china. were actually reinforcing our ties with japan. with the philippines, and south korea, these traditional places with democracies and we have been allies. we have walked away from that from a long time. it is good to see north korea do that. north korea will not do anything

without china's blessing. [applause] >> greg: i assume it was well said. cat, the problem i think is when threats have a comical nature to them, like the fact that the north korea punchline and artificial intelligence is fictionally more exciting than it should be. so entertainment make something less dangerously seeming that it is, i don't think that is right. >> i don't either. i do like sending outlook a great were question it and we could crush you, missile thing. it's like if you're fighting with a boyfriend any post pictures of you and your friends looking really good, i feel like i'm not going to do it yet, not to find someone else yet, but look at me, i could. behave yourself. sure enough strength is very effective. i'm glad were doing it. >> greg: lauren, should be we be

worried about a war with north korea? >> there's saying this is an exercise, and they call a trilateral missile warning information exercise. >> the people who exercise in public are trying to prove something. >> greg: that's true. >> i think that title is military speak for catch me outside. >> greg: are you mad that girl stole your mo? i wonder if anybody really knows where that woman is headed? lou, why send us a bigger story? >> i think a lot of news people are scared of the story. once a month is the nuclear option is on the table, a lot of people start withdrawing and getting very introspective. in particular the left-wing national media. rex tillerson, i think has some

sort of voice test to become secretary of state. when he says, strategic patience is at an end, you know a lot of bad things are going to flow from that. >> it does sound serious. >> whoever thought strategic patience can be so sinister. >> greg: is like a sheriff and a western from the 50s. >> it's new, and you're done. >> greg: it seems weird that we have the prehistoric pockets on a small planet. if the earth was more -- you have this bustling city but half a mile east there's a clan of cavemen. it's strange. >> the people of north korea are starving, they are dying from lack of food. you really worried about war with them? no. trust me, i'm a guy who been in that world my whole life. i don't take that stuff lightly. >> it's good to be at least a little worried about war. the people know that they have

to nutty dictator. >> greg: be careful with the word nutty. >> i know, you're allergic. >> greg: , story that's mind blowing. we lay down some spark in case your eyes blowout. chicken grown -- it's exciting. ♪ (vo) do not go gentle into that good night, old age should burn and rave at close of day; rage, rage against the dying of the light. do not go gentle into that good night. ..

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>> greg: they want to make a buck on a bird that never clocked. the california food tech company developed what they say is the first chicken strip grown in a lab a. scientists say their product is a bit punchier than the real thing, but otherwise stays the same. the goal is to change the meat industry by lowering the cost of grain and waste disposal and caring for livestock. they hope to launch the product in 2021, when i turn 40. will this egg was wonder be finger licking good? or anger picking wood. let's just let that joke pass. they think americans will continue to seek out farm raised

meats. we went to a chicken expert for comment. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> greg: i have a theory that there has to be some kind of law in what you eat to enjoy your me it must have been a lie first. >> you're right. i would say to that it would've been the normal way of thing but society is changed the people don't have a relationship with the animal they. as i said before the guy said your carnivore and they said no you're not you bought a steak at fairway. >> i don't think you should have a relationship with the animal. >> greg: you know what i mean. that's not racist. >> that train has sailed if you

will. you know what i did there. i got a million of them. when people buy the chicken, they just see cutlets, they don't see the bird that had its head cut off. unless you killed an animal. >> all i think about is beheadings every time i mean chicken. i don't know about you. >> is she being sassy with me? >> greg: lou, i have looked at this closely, we humans do not eat anything that was not a lie first. i cannot think of a single thing >> are you kidding me? have you not eaten at subway? buns out of yoga mats and come i don't make this up. >> the wrong side of subway. >> greg: like even veggies. >> what we are setting the stage for is a whole new level.

you're talking about outrage earlier, if we start looking at this lab grown stuff this from a floor of phobia, will have that descend on this before we realize it. the idea that this is not a life , then how is it growing? >> greg: from a cell, not an egg technically it is alive. you should be able to grow new lives. >> what about candy? sugar is alive. >> greg: sugarcane,. >> what about artificial sweeteners. >> it has artificial sweeteners. >> spam, isn't it made in a factory. >> greg: yes but it was still once alive. it's like eating display food from the refrigerators in the big box stores.

have you ever done that? >> what i want to know is how is it spongy or but the same? i cannot think of anything in the world that if it spongy or it would be the same. >> greg: it has to be with the marketing department. right now cost $9000 to produce 1 pound of the lab chicken. >> all my gosh. >> no one is buying that. >> greg: but once you buy more that the price comes down. maybe the richer vegan hipsters will get into that. >> how do we define be in of vegetarian or vegan? it's not a willful animal that you killed but when circuiting into that cool, interesting your building organs and stuff. >> greg: and to your point you said earlier if it's grown in the lab, technet technically is ipc holiday if you enter the

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>> final thoughts. >> thank you. >> you know people freaked out this wee when kellyanne conway d that microwaves with spy on us, i think it is a great idea, i came up with a great idea. >> are you sick and tired of your microwave only able to cook food, do you wish it could do more, you need a spy cro wave 5,000, an advance home food and

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your own home, get a spyrowave 5,000 today. >> thank you, lou dobbs, and to. lauren sivan. i am gregg gutfeld and i love you america. >> health care reform high on president trump's agenda as he returns to washington. health care bill this week. speaker ofs house plans to make adjustment to help those with the plan who could be hit hardest, i am uma pemmaraju in for -- atlanta. at -- eric: i am eric shawn. you know for next hour we'll have special coverage of the work that is done here at