see you tomorrow night, sunday night. c and you may know there's another egg gathering taking place tonight in washington d.c. and did you hear about it? [booing] a large group of hollywood actors and washington media are consoling each other in a hotel ballroom in our nations capital right now. greg: somebody just won the

night. [applause] greg: it was the beat down in nerd town. the white house correspondents dinner proceeds without her president donald trump who wisely skipped that of self importance to hold his own event in the state that helped him win but first he had to find mike kelly. >> where is mike kelly? vias here someplace. where is he? boy were you great on television this morning. greg: come on mike kelly, get it together, will you? then he reminded the card -- the crowd what he gave up to be with them. sid a large group of hollywood actors and washington media are

consoling each other and a hotel wall room. they are trapped at the dinner of which will be very boring. greg: can i see the little girl again? >> no large group of hollywood actors. and washington media are consoling each other in a hotel ballroom. greg: i don't know if i love that. and they're so much more. >> lets you rate the media's 100 days. should we do that? because as you know they are a disgrace. very dishonest people and not all of them. we call it the fake news.

you notice now they are, everybody's using the word fake news. where did you hear it first, folks? greg: amazing. this was a stroke of relief. he's like the cool outcast at school but tells the snotty rich kid that i want to go to your stupid party, i will throw my own thank you very much and i'm going to invite all my friends. i'm going to invite my friends and we are going to have ponies, free ice cream, a guy who juggle stuff. it's going to be bigger and better than your stupid party for your stupid people eating stupid pasta while taking stupid pictures of stupid people. [applause] and that's exactly what the president did. he did it in pennsylvania, harrisburg named for neil patrick harris. the keystone state, the kole

state, the oil states the quaker state, the state of independence the home of the liberty bell and bob saget. both are cracked and from the looks of things going nowhere. president trump kicked the media's rum. he threw a party in thousand showed up so while you have a friend in pennsylvania trump showed you he has a ton and how he does it. no one else would ever think of doing this. whether you like him or not he's one-of-a-kind and he is ours. i would have it any other way. [applause] [laughter] [applause] all right, all right let's welcome tonight's guests. she now has two places to be miserable peer she's hosting a new show starting monday called the "fox news" special, katherine timpf.

[applause] actor former bodyguard and my sidekick tyrus. [applause] who is this person? and never seen her before in my life. how did she get in your? get her out of here. right aliens can see here from space one of my cohosts kimberly guilfoyle. [applause] and he puts more people and ditches than a gradeschool bully the author of the forthcoming book mean dads for a better america, tom shillue. [applause] camberley because you ran over here from another show i'm going to go to you first. what did you think of the rally? >> i thought it was brilliant that he did this. these are working men and women of america and these are the people who put them into the oval office. the prom king, nerd of the prom

had his own party like you said and i think it worked well for him. he gets them and decorated and becomes the energizer bunny. you have little girls doing the thumbs down so they play along. it makes him so good about himself and they had a fantastic time. greg: in he treats them like a comedian. >> he is a great time. he goes to that party where everyone makes fun of him or he goes here. that's why i'm going to the dinner. everybody cheer for me. [applause] everyone would be like to argue but these people, this is my harrisburg pennsylvania. i totally get it. greg: you no tyrus it's like you know when you are not getting love that home. >> i know that quite well

actually. greg: you seek the other woman or man. trump looks at the media and he says i'm not getting any love from them. >> you are going to get in trouble for that. sid first of all i'm sorry guys but eventually we are going to have to deal with the other half of the country. everyone is making it likes the cool thing to do. he goes in his room with his toys, i will play with myself. eventually he has to come out of deal with everybody else. greg: i don't think so. president obama didn't go on "fox news" for forever. >> it took forever for someone to say mr. president. at least he showed up. let's be real. going to your base is gray. i can go to my grasp -- best friends who tell me i'm great graded smart but eventually i

have to go to another side. he's the president. greg: i think he's bringing everybody together, everybody i like tom. anyway i think tyrus has a point. this is the easy thing to do but it was also the right thing to do because why go to a place where people are going to ridicule you? go and show why you one. >> they annoy the resistance because they see all the people that love trump goes against the encouragement because he's so he's not going to start any wars after one of these rallies. every 20 minutes he steps out of himself like his own guardian angel and he turns and he says what's better than a trump rally his own audience. it's fantastic. kimberly, he won this night i think. >> for sure. that's what everybody's talking about.

the white house press correspondents' dinner, who cares? i would give up my ticket. he really seems to be in his lane and in his own feeling good about his accomplishments. i particularly loved the poetry that a red. he would out and started reading about it and talking about it. it was charming. greg: a lot of people don't know what the white house correspondents' dinner is but it's happening in washington right now and for anyone who isn't sure about what the event is here's our latest installment >> so kids what is the white house correspondents' dinner? is where adults roughly the same age as your mommy and daddy get dressed up and be my dinner with other mommies and daddies. they hang out with people who are better looking and more famous than them. they are called movie stars and

tv personalities. some are egg stars like chad low , chad low and chad low. the president would come and that was important but like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly it went from a modest event social climbers who act like children front of celebrities. president trump dropped out. he made other plans leaving everyone else to listen to the anti-trump jokes on the ground. good for him. those people don't like president trump and now he's throwing his own party. the white house correspondents' dinner is less important than it important than it used to be. it's like a children's birthday party without the guest of honor in short it's pretty lame. and this has been news for kids. [applause] >> the best part about the correspondents dinners when you go on twitter and see if picture of a political reporter with his

arm around a really awkward at their. they are like this pretending like they know each other. it's kind of sad. >> it does seem really sad. trump, i mean how much time do you think he spends getting ready for those rallies? i think that's way his mind works. he approaches life as though azzarelli for himself which i say would be a great way to live. when i get sad and change my thought process and talk the way trump talks to himself i'm sure everything would be great. greg: don't count on it. tom did he just admit he's more interesting than the media and the people at the white house correspondents' dinner? >> he shouldn't have gone. it's a rose. the idea of a roast is to respect someone give them good natured ribbing. they don't like him. >> sometimes we have trouble going back to things that hurt us.

>> i don't know. take a few jokes and give them back. >> he started trying to make a great deal. i may come back to harrisburg or i may go to the dinner. greg: don't glare at me like that, tyrus. i think you are going to hit me. up next the greatest monologue of the first 100 days. what low your mind. [applause] whoa, this thing is crazy. i just had to push one button to join. it's like i'm in the office with you, even though i'm here. it's almost like the virtual reality of business communications. no, it's reality. intuitive one touch video conferencing is a reality. and now it's included at no additional cost with vonage business.

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greg: while everyone talked about transfers 100 days i'm thinking of the next 100 days or as i like to call it the second 100 days. >> the second 100 days. greg: you better not steal it. speaking of steel did you know that steel comes from iron? iron comes from iron ore and iron ore you dig out of the ground. >> steel comes from iron. iron comes from iron ore and iron ore you dig out of the

ground. iron ore deposits, and a gigantic deposit of iron ore. iron ore deposit. >> i learned so much from her like the name of cool recipes. >> now the fourth largest in russia. closing and put them all in the basement of the house where they have been holding them in catherine berg. he bulldozed the house. coukell pictures. it's an interesting place. he lives full-time and works full-time. greg: we have 100 more games of that.

we have seen a lot of executive action so far from the present but yesterday he said offshore drilling the three things he creates jobs and its offshore reminding fish. in your face, fish. some promises haven't been met. perhaps it's not that easy. >> i loves my previous life. i had so many things going. actually this is more work than in my previous life but i thought it would be easier. greg: the media thinks this is a terrible admission but is it really? to me it's transparency. what they've been whining or and average politicians never give you. he basically said what we would say. i thought it would be easier. i say that every time i use the bathroom. [laughter] i'm getting older.

sorry kimberly but we get it. we know how trump campaign. he was eighth-grader running for class president who promised no more homework and free dress ready. nobody thinks it's possible that we like hearing it and we will figure the rest out later. did he? begot gorsuch less regulation reduced border crossings, 94 dead isis from the mother of all bombs. [applause] not bad. but i get it. his style is scary but it's a pattern by now. look at china's shift on north korea. why now? trump made them think. trump is the kool-aid president. remember kool-aid man that giant horrified pitcher shaped -- it's crashed through the wall. scare the out of you.

that's trump. [applause] he scares you and then he makes you a cool drink. everybody comes together. trump did all right for the first 100. we are still here. if we believe the media the planet should have imploded into a fiery death fall. the media set trump up i exaggerating pending doom that never came. that was wishful thinking. instead trump showed us that he's just a guy trying to do his job and his anti-honeymoon which believe it or not is better than a real honeymoon. think about it, the logic of the honeymoon is awful. let's start with the best time ever and it's all downhill from here. [laughter]

no president seems to socket the starting becomes great. that means, whatever. all i know is it's going to get better. the next 100 days are going to be great. [applause] kimberly my reverse honeymoon theory is genius. imagine if your marriage starts a terrible and in the last two weeks of your life are awesome. >> there you go. i personally feel a different way. if you divorce quickly enough after the honeymoon you just focus on the good part. greg: you eat the frosting on the cake. that's what you do. do you have an executive order's? >> immediately executive order removed pelosi from office. we are trying to help. bring schumer with her and also

i would like to see him removed to supreme court justices. we can get to more pics. [applause] greg: with those executive orders involve the word remove? that's scary. i don't know that's possible. cat deeley have an executive order's? >> i'm a libertarian so the executive power, we want to keep it all constitutional but if i were president i would pass a couple that i would need three .txt me back. it would be a mandatory minimum situation so i could focus on my job. greg: when somebody doesn't text you back you can do anything. you can't work. >> you can't work so i think it's fair. greg: tyrus? >> hold on. this is why wear red sweaters.

after that i would like to change my executive order. i might get a tax write off form. unbelievable, kool-aid man. when i was growing up kool-aid you could eat with a fork it was so thick. i just remember going like this with the sugar. greg: you could make it as sweet as you want. >> and tang. greg: i'm sure you had interesting executive orders. why do we start by repealing all of president obama's executive orders. [applause] >> tom learned a long time ago that if you stand up the good applause. when i stand up nobody notices.

>> i thought we are going to have fun with our second orders. that's what you do. >> do you want a do-over? >> i want to have fun executive orders like the kardashians would have, before they were allowed back on tv they had to go to north korea. you need the diet pepsi and if they get through that they get back on. >> that is how to solve everything. >> i thought we are going to run with executive orders. [applause] greg: i have one executive order comments for law and order but the tv show. while show. one order sbu. to submit that the killer might be the deranged psychodrug crazed maniac and not a handsome successful architect. every time i'm on order it's always the twist.

they arrest a homeless guy in the homeless guy did it but he saw the guy who did it and it's the rich upper westside socialite architect. >> you are one of the people that sits and watches for law and order sbu marathons. greg: because they start the next one before the other one answer. >> that's just the worst. sometimes they make it and sometimes they don't. greg magid is terrible. when something awful is going to be revealed the music builds. and then they start talking really slow. as they try to explain it to the audience. coming up we will pay last

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but had trouble getting paid. not a good time, jeanette. even worse. now i'm uncomfortable. but here's the good news, jeanette got quickbooks. send that invoice, jeanette. looks like they viewed it. and, ta-da! paid twice as fast. oh, she's an efficient officiant. way to grow, jeanette. new. get paid twice as fast for free. visit quickbooks-dot-com. [♪] patti ann: live from "america's news headquarters." i'm patti ann browne. tens of thousands marched across the country saturday in support of climate change. there were marches and mass protests in washington, d.c. to coincide with president trump's first 100 days in office. the largest march went down pennsylvania avenue until it reached the white house. fps got into the 90s. vladimir putin was urged not to

run for a fourth term. while they were mostly peaceful, arrests her made. the pope celebrated an open-air mass in cairo it was a show of support for the small christian community in egypt. greg: here's the week in a nutshell. ann coulter was coming to berkeley. berkeley canceled ann coulter was coming anyway. organizers couldn't guarantee her safety. ankle third canceled. freedom's cause by portland rose parade schedules some republicans want to march opponents organizers couldn't guarantee their safety, the rose parade canceled, freedom

squelch. i'm no dressmaker but i see a pattern here. thank you very much. >> up all night thinking of that one. greg: wow. i'm not going to you first. tom. isn't this kind of a copout where they say we can protect you are then saying we are trying to suppress your speech and suppressing your speech by saying we will protect you. >> they are causing violence. you are the violent one. they are the ones doing it and everything they do is wrong. they are making conservatives into rebels. young people love rebels. a lot of young people don't even know who she is. now they are searching for her and find out what she's all about. greg: i like your spirit. a very disturbing way. people love never read her book will read her book which is

jampacked with the facts. >> t. know how i found iron maiden? i looks at the label on yahoo!. i'm going to seek those guys out. greg: that's a good point. i didn't get into professional wrestling until i was told. >> i'm going to make my own show with me and a bunch of the guys. >> you can't have it both ways. is there a conservative talk she can go to? this is a divided country rare in right now. we will go. you know what i'm saying? [applause] greg: i spoke to her personally years ago but nobody cared. >> i didn't go. i found something us to do on saturday but now there is a reaction.

she got the money. put a wall of people in front of her. some point the division in this country either we are going to be separate and go to a leftist school. greg: i think having read schools and blue schools is a good point. you know cat, and if i ever have kids i would say i want to see which schools they can go to so they can rebel against the school they go to. >> absolutely will. ann coulter wins this. a conservative group is the people that invited her to campus but the people protesting are the ones that are really keeping her employed. he can't claim to be a symbol of standing up against people trying to stop free speech if people are letting you be free to speak. this backs up everything she says. she looks like a hero and a fancy as heroes because they didn't show up.

greg: one thing kimberly this isn't an aberration. after trump one there were people in the media saying violence is no different than activism. you should go out and hit the streets and also it turns law enforcement when they were looting people say this is a form of protest. this isn't anything new. people are conflating violence with activism. >> they shouldn't because it's breaking the law. you are not allowed to assault other people and destroy property and people's businesses that end up getting looted. a tremendous amount of property damage. there has to be accountability. they are ultimately fascists because they want no one else to speak unless they agree with their ideology. free speech is one of the most important principles that we have filed for in this country that's why people want to come here to deal the say their

viewpoint. >> they call themselves anti-fascists. greg: you want cause-and-effect, it's called cause and effect america. antifog stance for anti-first amendment. get it? i'm going to pretend that i came up with it even though i saw it on twitter. that's what people on tv do. they pretend they came up with it but they sought on twitter. some guy in oklahoma did it and i stole it. up next president trump talks to the nra and venezuela hangs by a thread probably because it doesn't have an nra. i didn't really know anything about my family history. went to ancestry, i put in the names of my grandparents first. i got a leaf right away. a leaf is a hint that is connected to each person in your family tree.

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away your gun. in gun. in friday prayers in trump spoke to the national rifle association where he delivered this applause line. >> they ate your assault on your 2nd amendment freedoms has come to a crashing end. greg: the 2nd amendment is here to stay. i can just hear the left now. >> no. no. greg: for those who think the term presidencies the end of civilization i say to you venezuela. yes, venezuela whose socialist policies have led to a currency collapse. bread lines and a toilet paper shortage. i know, but greg what does that have to do with the 2nd amendment? i'm glad you asked. venezuela situation validates the right to own guns.

in 2012 venezuela band private gun ownership. this week in opposition to the government growing venezuela president maduro said he would be giving away guns to 400,000 civilian -- so the next time someone tells you they are going to hell because trump is and office remind them of venezuela and remind them of the rights we have including our 2nd amendment and you know who agrees with me? one of the smartest minds in america. >> when you look at venezuela you understand why we are so you get 2nd amendment because guns preserve our freedom and liberty from tyranny. greg: he gave the information quite well. tom. >> i knew i had heard that somewhere, greg. greg: i believe it's so important that i have to repeat myself. >> nailing it in. greg: hey tom we keep hearing

about america's utopia. what's the new show, comparing it to america at used to -- utopian university. venezuela is real life use topia going on right now. >> air focused on america. it's like anti-nationalism. they are critical people but they don't want to see the sadness in the world. things here are actually quite good. greg: venezuela can't afford toilet paper. and that's because socialism is pure. [applause] >> i love the bathroom jokes.

you have a potty mouth. they don't have toilet paper, and year. >> now bier? oh man. >> they have got the kool-aid though. >> they have got the kool-aid though. greg: i've been following venezuela for a while and it is seriously bad. >> murdering people on the streets, shooting people for $5. it's really sad. people are really suffering. you won't see it covered in the mainstream media but if they only knew about it and put themselves at the facts to see what government is like darren venezuela versus what we have maybe a little bit more appreciative. greg: it drives me nuts, cat. president trump's and your favorite president but the way people talk about it here while this is going on it seems to me

we are in bizarre world. >> i completely agree. that's why hate to see people who are gun at the kits. what about hunting? how many animals do you have? that's not what it's about. look at venezuela. that's why we should do this. i wish i would hear more of back and said don't take away my hunting. that's not really the issue. greg: it's not the animals that are turning fascists. >> exactly, while not normally. greg: forest preserves freedom. >> i'm allowed to this day and age, use force. [laughter] i have a wish attitude. i wish you would. the whole thing about venezuela which is truly sad because they

have real issues to be upset about. if you have a cell phone and you can download your favorite apps on it you are doing all right. you are doing all right. you get shot in the street for looking sideways in another country. greg: it's amazing. it's one of the richest countries with oil on the planet >> tremendous natural resources. greg: well put, julie. i have an idea i want to talk to about it up next this trump -- safe drivers who switch to esurance could save money on car insurance. you know, the kind of driver who always buckles up... comes to a complete stop... and looks both ways, no matter what. because esurance believes that's the kind of driver

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greg: as our country goes to pot, this trump say why not put colorado governor and "wheel of fortune" puzzle john hickenlooper met with attorney general jeff sessions over the marijuana policy and it seems the justice department may leave colorado's cannabis industry alone. >> he's not going to encourage

anyone to start a marijuana business or to think it's a great idea or even seek to do so. that being said he didn't give me any reason to think he's going to come down and put everybody out of business. greg: he went on to say that a sound like the justice department had its hands full with other priorities. we now get reaction from colorado's pro pot immunity. [laughter] greg: i've been there little guy cat, could it be that donald trump is not interested in interfering in american lives? maybe he just doesn't care. >> there's nothing worse than a week. that should be a top priority. lead, he's got to stay out of it. one of the things i like --

dislike jeff sessions is because he is so anti-pot. nobody ever died from pot. somebody in england died from drinking too much carriages. they had an vitamin a overdose. there never couldn't carry -- handle so many carrots. greg: everything can kill you. >> except a week. greg: it's interesting, it gets a hard time finding actual proof that you can overdose is what you are saying. >> you can't overdose. the become an annoying person to hang out with but that's about it. greg: your thoughts. >> a great after dinner mints. i don't know. we are a divided country. he's on the week, it sounds like my great-grandfather.

the lefties are trying to destroy the right. how about this we take away your read. it's going to happen. do you think sessions is going to -- it's an easy fix. greg: kimberly you are a prosecutor and you hate drugs of all kinds. >> i mean, no. greg: you love that drug? >> people manage chronic illnesses. it helps fight cancer so yes i enjoy and applied science and innovation but i don't support, i mean you do what you're going to do but i've never smoked any read or any drugs. that's all. [applause] i rest my case. greg: do you remember when you were growing up, this is your brain and this is your brain on drugs.

this is kimberly guilfoyle. she never did drugs and then that's the commercial and everybody quits. tom you are a father according to your great new book but don't you find trying to ban the substance doesn't work in a world where there is pain. everybody is trying to find their own oblivion. how can a lot tell me what to do with my oblivion? how can the law tell me what i can do with my own body wax. >> why do we leave it to the dads. we don't need the president. you've got to leave it to dad because dads come up with good solutions. greg: like what? >> when your dad got you smoking cigarettes he made use of all pack. if i catch you smoking weed you will have to have a dime bag. have a dime bag. greg: i will be your dad. >> now.

greg: i tried. someone is getting a new show. [applause] ♪"all you need is love" plays my friends know me so well. they can tell what i'm thinking, just by looking in my eyes. they can tell when i'm really excited and thrilled. and they know when i'm not so excited and thrilled. but what they didn't know was that i had dry, itchy eyes. but i knew. so i finally decided to show my eyes some love. some eyelove. when is it chronic dry eye? to find out more, chat with your eye doctor and go to myeyelove.com. it's all about eyelove, my friends. [man: let's go!] man #2: we're not coming out! man #1: [ sighs ] flo: [ amplified ] i got this. guys, i know being a first-time homeowner is scary, but you don't have to do this. man #2: what if a tree falls on our garage? woman: what if a tornado rips off our roof? flo: you're covered. and you've bundled your home and auto insurance, so you're saving a ton.

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yeah, i better check my credit score. here, try credit karma. it's free. alright, no more surprises. credit karma. give yourself some credit. greg: don't forget i will see you monday at any a new time 9:00 p.m. eastern. we are running out of time. that's the wrong one but anyway we just fired somebody in the control room. you do have some interesting news. >> idea. i will be cohosting a new show starting on monday at 5:00 p.m. call the "fox news" specialists. i'm very excited. [applause] i love you.

greg: that's nice. >> i got a little promo. that's what life is about. greg: yes it is. tom you have a new book coming out. >> i certainly do. i better have something. my show just got canceled. greg: that's my show that got canceled. >> i wanted to remind you greg if you want to take a vacation i will be in the bathroom on the 18th floor. if you want to get up out of that seat. greg: it's a great book. you have to go out and buy it. it's june 6. ready for father's day. and kg you have tomorrow off. tyrus anything before closeout? [laughter] greg: carol burnette.

thanks to kimberly guilfoyle. [applause] katherine timpf, tyrus, tom shillue. i'm greg gutfeld. i love you. [applause]