if you can't watch set your dvr. thanks so much. i will see you monday night where h h h h h h h h h h h h h. i'm jeanine pirro advocating for truth, justice and the american way. greg is next. >> it looks like a disheveled drunk that wanders onto the stage six is not true, i'm completely sober. you are right. greg: it was quite a week for the orange shiek. first senator kiersten brand said that the president option to resign after past allegations. she's quite the defender of human. i think we have taper condemning ted kennedy.

roll it. >> [bleep]. greg: is not. maybe ted was a real gentleman "after words" when he wasn't driving women off of bridges. now she thanks bill clinton should resign 20 years later. how convenient. maybe say something when he could still get it up. [laughter] great job standing up to harvey all of those years. not merely pointing out the obvious but it's political when they hopscotch their targets. ted kennedy, skip. clarence thomas, land. bill clinton, skip. donald trump, land. do you sense a pattern here? trump responded to delivery and training that she would come begging for campaign funds and that she would do anything for them and that set off the familiar plush base car alarms. senator warren accused trump of slot shaming which is weird because he said the same thing to rodney and he is an equal opportunity this trash talker.

sounds like liz is calling the senator a slot not trump. if i were native american i'd be very disappointed in her. [laughter] it didn't stop there. here is morning while. >> here he is suggesting that kirsten angela brand would do anything. >> let's just say that she would have mac with him in order to get him campaign contributions and the president actually tweeted that this morning. greg: let's just say it. she's such a crusader for women but just some women. >> sarah huckabee sanders i feel sorry for you. i started a # support for sarah and get your mind out of the gutter. i seriously support you in your quest for truth and in your quest for goodness and in your quest for love of country because you haven't made it there yet. greg: i wonder what sarah's dad has to say. >> they can go pound sand somewhere as far as i'm concerned.

[applause] greg: you know, you don't kiss off the. and he really is our nation's shakespeare. speaking of sarah here is april ryan challenging her over trumps tweets. you have to watch april space in this. >> april,. >> kristin owes an apology for the misunderstanding because many, including [inaudible] >> i think all of your mind is in the gutter if you read it that way so, no. [laughter] greg: that look that is a malfunction of confirmation bias. if you already think that trump is a pig, any deviation will not compute so you make that face. it's actually pretty amazing what a trump presidency does to

people even when there is good news they still lose their minds. >> please do not do this. it annoys me. i really don't interrupt you and you do this and i'm so through with your man explaining and your smirking and laughing. oh happy day. i made my point. [inaudible conversations] oh happy day. oh happy day. greg: i thought i was the only one who does the tv drunk. terror struck in new york cnn was busy checking how many cans of diet coke they could fit on a desk. >> told diet coke. right? it's worth saying according to the time that he drinks this money and what does this do to the brain and the body every day? [laughter] greg: so now we are soda shaming. stay tuned for part two when

they see how many victims of fake news they can fit into a telecast. that was a nice comment with no applause. [laughter] anyway, i don't want it anymore. i don't want it. [applause] i don't want your pity clapping. [laughter] but so what if donald trump drinks 12 cans of diet coke every day. they totally been watch gray's anatomy which is far worse for your help. twelve cans, it's an achievement and a carbonated version of a marathon. and he does it daily. diet coke is the nectar of the gods. i don't just drink it, i feed it to my parakeet. [laughter] and now my lizard versus bright. [laughter]

but as the media chases diet coke, trump went to work. he is inching closer to a decent tax deal and likely got rid of the albatross that is way more. and if so what if got doug jones? he will not last. oit disappears or somewhere it gets lost. the president has already moved on. >> the directive i am signing today will refocus america's space program on human exploration and discovery. it marks an important step in returning american astronauts to the moon for the first time since 1972 for long-term exploration and use. greg: yes, we're heading to space. it reminds me of a movie. >> in a world of hurt and gravity and bottomless brunch, one man one wasn't satisfied and

dared to dream big. >> we are dreaming big. >> this christmas or hanukkah or other non- judeo-christian holiday we celebrate dust off your space boot, cowboy. we are going to the moon, for real this time. >> will establish a foundation for an eventual mission to mars. >> but were not really sure when but were definitely going, probably. from the producers of executive action parts one through nine donald trump might send elliott as astronaut elliott sand. executive directive returns to the mood for the first time at last. [applause] greg: we are going to the moon and when we get there we will build a wall. [cheering and applause]

all right. let's welcome tonight's guests. like toddlers in a shopping cart, he leaves them rolling in the aisles, fox news tom schilling. he is so sharp you can use them to doodle, former utah congressman jason javits. he is quirky, smirky and she loves her beef jerky, captains. and when he jumps robe the whole world complaints, former bodyguard and massive sidekick, tyrus. tom, what do you make of the question and a lot of people thought trumps were sexist toward gillebrand but they're the same type heated to mitt romney and had chris. >> it's the perfect greg because it had a double meaning and get

your mind out of the gutter. he did the deed in the new they would make of it and then they blew up about it and then sarah huckabee said get your mind out of the gutter and its trump controlling the press as he always does. greg: he's like the road runner and paints the whole on the ground and then they run and then they fall into the hole. [laughter] [applause] >> and it's allowed. sexual double entendres they are allowed. greg: cat, you told me you agree. >> i disagree. i agree that it's not okay to suggest that a woman is willing to prostitute herself. he didn't say begging, greg. he said begging. i know what begging is. we all know unless he's running around like joey giuliani doing this and doesn't know what this means he meant for our minds to go there. greg: so he felt that ted cruz was begging and mitt romney

was -- different. greg: i think you're a hypocritical feminist. if men and women whoa, don't talk to me like that, greg. greg: all men and women should be treated equal. you can do the study. he said the same thing to both sexes. >> he didn't put quotes around when he was talking about men. >> you are still allowed to do it. greg: jason, where do you fall on this argument? >> i'm smart enough to not engage in that conversation. i want to talk about the moon. i love the donald trump doesn't have enough on the plate between taxes in north korea and isis that he also wants to go to the moon because golf courses and drilling there's a lot to be done there. greg: you got the trump rock. there's no trump water though at least as far as we know. tyrus, i will let you comment on whatever you want. >> i thank you are short and mean. [laughter] greg: tell me something i don't already know.

>> the moon thing i think we can put together. i think the moon is an escape strategy. i think all these crazy investigations and innuendos and can't say anything and he'll be like listen, i'm going to the moon and who is going with me and you got rocket ships and golf courses at mcdonald's and all the diet coke you can drink. >> that's the standard. >> that's the real, real solution. greg: you think he'll go there with a rocket filled with diet coke. >> yeah, and mcdonald's. greg: and marissa. no, she can't come. >> i can't get over the filet of fish. who likes filet of fish. >> me. they are delicious. >> you mean filet? >> play fish for certain my money and whatever it is that's the best. greg: it's the worst thing at mcdonald's. >> cat told me she would do anything for filet of fish. >> i'm not laughing at that.

>> let the record reflects i am not laughing. greg: i think we can all agree that i am right but coming up, we discussed net neutrality with the experts. just kidding. i'd rather talk about it marissa.

greg: what do you want to hear about? the tax plan? the neutrality? confusing. what else do you have news? >> omarosa, greg. omarosa. greg: excellent. >> a high-profile departure the white house, press secretary announced the resignation of omarosa, former contestant on the apprentice. >> conflicting reports tonight about what happened surrounding the departure of trump aid and former apprentice contents and, omarosa. >> the white house officially says she resigned but cbs news has learned she was in fact, fired. greg: yeah, audio stuff, omarosa. the former apprentice said she

resigned effectively generate 20th after having a candid conversation with chief of staff john kelly. in pr lingo candidate usually means you are a bad person and i hate your guts. cnn contributor reported that she was exported out of the white house. omarosa calls this big news. >> no one else has reported what she is reporting and this is one person who has attacked me for the last year. you know that this is personal. greg: maybe you are a jerk. anyway, the white house has missed her the best which again in pr lingo means please, go away, you scare us. by the way, omarosa why are you resigning now? >> i wanted to make the one year mark that was one of the goals i set out and then get back to my life. greg: so that was her goal. to make it one year in the white house. that's like me saying in high school my goal is to have acne

and no girlfriend. i didn't have that choice. all right? and she didn't have that choice either, tyrus. she's making it sound like it's her decision and she wasn't supposed to be there. that's my -- >> no, you're right. she's not supposed to be there. she didn't even win. [laughter] greg: did geraldo win? who won? >> i don't know, i was out living life. [laughter] greg: bret michaels one. >> interrupt me one more time. i told you all earlier he is -- cruising for a bruising. the first guy in the moon. man. he made for my beard and so that's why i am mad and then he tried to clean up and said he didn't like beards but there's so many other things about me that take your eyes off the beard so basically i'm a circus for his eyes. look at british tyrus. he was mean to me. greg: hypersensitive today. are you going to answer the

question? >> no, i don't want to have anything to do with omarosa. it sounded like a bad dream. she's troubled and she will say anything for attention and listen ministration has had enough big news or bad things about them and i think someone will say anything for a paycheck will do anything in this one of the things were trump sometimes lets his heart think ahead of his brain because she was so loyal and so he gave her an opportunity a josh wasn't qualified for which is why she was fired and you don't talk trash to kelly. that's the biggest. but she will not see it that way. my concern is with the next few months whenever she thanks she can make money off of it the accusations of sexual harassment and racism so that she can get online at the expense of the ministration. that's the type of person she is. be aware of her. greg: tyrus brings up a good point. [applause] jason, does loyalty often doesn't lead to the best decisions because you overlook

competence and you forgive too easily. that's the only reason why she was there because she fel he fee had to pay her. >> i can't figure out what she did and i can't. how she does math because one year, the president was sworn in on january 20 and we haven't gone to december 20 so i don't know how a year as up but i would love to see the four-star general, john kelly, sitting down with her in this discussion and see how that went. greg: she will stay till januar. >> no, she gets paid but her card was deactivated. greg: yeah, they kicked her out. tom, every company has the type of person who gets a job as a favor and you are one of them. [laughter] >> i told you tom. i told you about him. [laughter] greg: what side are you on? >> of course i am greg.

think back ten years if you look into the future and say that omarosa would be in the white house it's like our dreams are coming true. my only disappointment was that president trump didn't fire her himself on camera. the thing that bothers me about this white house is that it's not more like the apprentice and he should fire people himself on camera and we should walk her with the holy bag out of the back of white house and film it. [applause] greg: in you know, they always get in the back of the car, kat, and they say this is of the last you've seen of the. they always said that on the bachelor in the bachelorette and every one of these shows that i'm sure you've applied for. >> well, not quite yet. what i love about the way this all went down is what happened is there were all these reports that went down in such a crazy way and all these crazy stories and she just said no, that is fake. so, she's not working for him

and she's now moved on to being him. it's the exact same thing. but she was doubly fired and it's really strange and sad to get essentially fired by the same dude twice. greg: is that a jab at me. >> no, he's -- space hundred. greg: i've been fired. >> not everything is about you. >> i too have been fired by the same person twice. >> i am crushing it. greg: anyway, i wish you the best of luck which means please, please stay away from me. up next, finally, a texting scandal that could end all texting scandals, or roy moore 0

votes but more based accusations of molesting teenage girls in the final weeks of the campaign refuses to concede an impact he sent a fundraising e-mail asking for contributions to investigate voter fraud. i'm patti ann brown, greg gutfeld continues. greg: it is perplexing to see all their texting. we need another special counsel to investigate the fbi and career officials at the justice department? some folks there may be biased against the president and that was a big issue in a congressional hearing this week. look at these spaces. after we read all those text messages between fbi, russian investigator, peter struck and his colleague/lover, fbi attorney lisa page. i love saving lover. text sent during the 2016 campaign and here are some of their greatest hits.

then he said this. they sound like lovely people. and then this exchange. it's a big deal because it suggests a possible conspiracy. that went over well with republicans. >> this guy thought he was super agent james bond at the fbi. greg: put on a jacket. [laughter] here is trey gowdy letting this. >> this is who we were told we needed to have an objective, impartial, fair conflict of interest drinks investigation and he's openly pulling for the candidate he was clearing and he's openly investigating the candidate that he has bias against and then if that is on a he says trump is an [bleep]

idiot. what the [bleep] does happen to our country. greg: i like that guy. like a cross between louis lewis and the undead. [laughter] true. jason, check them out. he's got a weird look. >> i love trey gowdy. i hung out with him than anybody else and. greg: he looked like a carrot out of justified. >> he couldn't get the high street and he had a bad hair day but that's his shtick and he is one of the smartest guys in congress. greg: know i like his style. he is an interesting person. [applause] greg: this is trey gaudi hour. a lot of trey gaudi bands. twenty bodies found in his farm but they were still alive anyway, jason, investigation. >> yes by the inspector general and i wouldn't put a special prosecutor but has the first one working out and i don't know why you thank you do a second one

but the inspector general has been at this for your half and remember this person they were talking about is our top fbi official in charge of counter intelligence. 10000 text with his paramore. greg: and they're not even 12 years old that's a lot of text for natural adult which brings me to my theory, tyrus, that all of these texts are turbocharged by dopamine infused lost. his heroic comments about stopping trump and she's like go get him it's like a teen starcrossed lovers against the world, fighting darth vader and this is what happens when -- i'm too old but the texting and everyone when they are in love in their e-mails and everything gets. >> i agree with you. greg: thank you. >> what did you just agree to? i have no idea what the hell you just said. [laughter] [applause] you just said that.

you disagreed with him to stop them from talking. greg: it worked. >> heat she does this all the time. >> was his question? >> now you are interrupting me. basically what he was saying is that he was just trying to impress her with a lot of the stuff you say. for example, he actually said that he got chills during hillary clinton's nomination. no, you did not. greg: what i would say that unless you try to get a woman in bed. that's the stuff you say to get lucky. >> even if he didn't vote for hillary clinton it would be like i guess so. no one was excited. >> chris matthews might have been. greg: but we know he's losing it. tyrus, i'll give you one more shot. >> on what? greg: it's not like you -- >> no further questions. greg: this isn't law and order. >> it might as well be. you've been on law and order. greg: god knows plain white. all right, tom.

the real victims are the spouse because you have to listen to everyone read these texts about some other woman. >> they are the most boring lovers i've ever seen. where is the sexy talk? where is the you come over and i'll stroke your leg? give me something. greg: true but that is the point. they were trying to keep it in this romantic political intrig intrigue. >> you can still be objective, greg. all they said the president was loathsome and horrible and it would be armageddon if you made it into office. greg: true. i will say one thing to you, tyrus. i feel bad that they are reading the text because all of us have text about our coworkers, right? and they are not good. you should see the stuff i have on and henry and there's a lot of fanfiction involving them. >> we could do a great tv show

where we read text between friends about coworkers and it would be phenomenal. greg: again -- >> everyone would be fired. greg: i think they could be unbiased anyway because i do think that you are inventing that this is the new shrink. >> but i also think it's irrelevant. as far as the investigation stuff goes they are out of it. he's not part of it. trump didn't do anything and we don't need this. this is not the hill i want to die on whether he did that stuff about him. greg: but this is the revenge to get back at him for the collusion crap. >> listen, i don't and you don't need an extramarital affair. i would get fired for my regular old text to my wife. greg: that is true. the ones that you didn't kill. [laughter] i joked. tom looks like a serial killer. the translucent skill, look at that. [applause] that's the last base you've seen. if you see that face you're

about to die. [laughter] amazing. coming up, alcohol, drugs, which one are teens using more? don't do drugs or drink, america. [cheering and applause]

greg: they are just say no to booze in the blow. according to a nationwide survey of my favorite kind of survey, smoking and drug use among american teenagers have hit their lowest levels in decades. with the exception of pot and of aping everything else is down across the board compared to the 1990s, a decade that sucked so

it makes sense. remember 1997? yeah, the year of bob, titanic, terrible film and of course, beanie babies. the one or more kids did drugs been back then. 23% report using drugs at some point in their life and that's like a 25th, kidding. 70% smoke cigarettes at least once and 26% have been drunk. all big drop-offs from 20 years ago. anyway, kids, don't do drugs. here is me the last time i did drugs. ♪. greg: not that i thought that i was a dog that could play well because i never touched a piano in my life. thank you, acid. hey, kat pressure i believe that

this whole thing comes down to who got there first like drugs are a fact of life but who's got there first and so we the civilization said we can only handle one thing so let's make it alcohol in ban everything else. >> i think it is unfair to drugs although i personally don't smoke pot because i can have a panic attack all on my own and i don't need help with that but alcohol, yeah, things people do when they are drunk are a lot worse than the thing they do when they smoke marijuana and yet, somehow one is out and the pain is also dangerous. emotionally. i am trying to quit and it's hard. i decided i want to exercise for endorphins instead of aping for them like some robot near and it's been harder than i thought. greg: well, you know what i think baby will save millions of lives by getting them to stop smoking cigarettes but that is just me and sending more paper products. a lot of people are beeping of pot.

>> i'm more old-fashioned. back in my day you had that wizard up on it was always a wizard or a unicorn. greg: don't soil the unicorn. >> i don't smoke pot, greg. greg: do you do anything? >> i do drink whiskey you have a single glass of whiskey before you go to bed, don't you? i called it. greg: and of course you drink the blood of your victims. [laughter] which is why he looks so strange. [laughter] jason, we all know that you are heavily into drugs but what are your thoughts about the decline and is this good? people think this might have to do with smartphones. >> the decline is good but i can't say that i've done any of the things along the way but all this talk of pot is i'm getting hungry.

[laughter] greg: will be spiked or drink. >> that's what they tell me happened. greg: tires, i came to you last because i don't thank you do drugs. >> you don't know me. you might be correct in this instance but you don't know me. [laughter] here's the thing. those numbers are way off. one because all the kids take adderall now. greg: that is true. >> to get prescriptions now. greg: good point. >> there was real and in the '90s. >> not like there was now. you go to the doctors and you get a hick up and you can get like it like a tictac. another thing is getting alcohol requires ambition. you have to do a beer run. do you guys remember of your run? back when kids play outside and you would run and grab and take off and now i downloaded the. greg: i think district no, where different age but i remember. >> i would've punched you regardless. greg: i remember trying to get

someone by it for me. you wait out for someone to buy up for you at 711 and i gave money to a young gentleman came out and punch me in the face with my beer in his hand. >> that is messed up but the point is you had to be ambitious to get alcohol. >> you know what i would do? dress up like an old man. greg: this is something you have done for that's right. >> you always try to look older 19 or 20 and i was like why not go the whole and i would look 70. they never checked the id of an old man. greg: who would ask for id if you had the cane and you are hunched over. >> they would carry the case of beer to my car. >> that is my point. you had to be adventurous and get it and now if there is not an app for it. greg: this is what worries me. when you are young and you drink beer you would still go to college and get a job and if you put pot for your achievements you're less likely to go do things. pot should be treated like a

martini. you have it after work when you're successful. >> that you have amazing ideas when you smoke pot. i always couldn't remember them but i had phenomenal ideas. greg: i thought it was always get more pot. anyway, wishing for more wishes. okay, still to come, the rock 'n roll hall of fame announced the 2018 inductees. we pretend to care, my name is jeff sheldon, and i'm the founder of ugmonk. before shipstation it was crazy.

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greg: they have been stopped from the club. the 2018 rock 'n roll hall of fame inductees have been announced and sadly radiohead, a.k.a. the greatest band of all time has been left off the list. granted, this was only their first year of eligibility but is still a travesty of epic proportion because radiohead's cultural impact of the last 25 years is undeniable. consider for radiohead theirs. humans use to play frisbee. ♪ after radiohead this is how we play frisbee now.

greg: for radiohead this is how we made pizza. ♪. greg: after radiohead this is how we make pizza now. ♪. greg: i could go on forever but you get the point. everything in life is better because of radiohead. anyway here is the artist that did get into the hall. the cars, and bon jovi. yeah, no, no, no. for more we caught up with bon jovi for a comment. >> all good. that's awesome.

[laughter] greg: eric, he's getting shorter. john bon jovi got rid of the tires, excited, sad? you love radiohead. >> who? they had that one creeps on, right? but i'm more excited about bon jovi biting you. you should get him bon jovi because he just called you an old lady. live and let die. greg: rock stars are skinny and when they get older. >> when i wake up without my hair extensions i look exactly like bon jovi. [laughter] >> i think there's only one hall of fame and that is baseball because it's a hard to get it. they have years where no one gets in and it just seems like every year they throw someone in the hall of fame and that's not what it's about.

all of those groups except maybe the cars they were good groups but if you're in the hall of fame and this dude is a little car and they'll think yeah i heard of this guy before. greg: it's too fresh and too easy. kat, this must've come to get in your dating life because all the menu date must be in agony and i'm not sure if you can tell if their anatomy because usually they are. >> always in agony and i think i'm into it. [laughter] it puts me in a certain power position. greg: right. >> i feel better about waking up in the morning looking like bon jovi because they are set anyway. bon jovi, though, i'm not sure i remember how he sings songs because every time i hear them there's a pack of drunk women screaming the lyrics. i don't even remember what his voice sounds like a more. greg: it's one big -- >> data rock. greg: yeah, well, actually granddad rock. why can't you just identify as iraq and roll hall of famer?

>> exactly. [laughter] data rock is great. data rock is rock. greg: it used to be called classic rock. we need to end it make it 51 to 91 and historical arrogance have to end like the reformation and the renaissance soul rock 'n roll is planning on going on forever. it's not. it's a good 40 year period and a great idea i just had. greg: i will say that bon jovi brought a lot of people pleasure by retiring. jason, thoughts on this? i know you are a cars and. >> good times roll. i love the cars. i grew up on the cars but they are all dead bands and if i asked my 25 -year-old son he would say yeah this sticks and some of these other bands and i don't know if you start into paying indian casinos in the middle of arizona i don't know that you should qualify for. greg: by the way, they have

great venues. i love those. how dare you, jason. the most popular requested artist at rest homes are bon jovi because they make death more welcoming to the people there. when they hear bon jovi they can't wait to leave the earth. [laughter] >> that's how i feel about bon jovi. greg: on getting to like radiohead but my favorite song right now is the one they do about the color yellow. >> someone after that. the amazing thing is we had a full discussion to justify that frisbee video that you came with. greg: perhaps. they don't do that on caputo. [laughter] don't go anywhere, everyone here is more to say and it could be life altering. final thoughts, next. [applause]

greg: i will see you monday on the five. we are running out of time. so -- tom, anything to add. >> you will be a part of my christmas special. and it will play on christmas eve and on christmas. i hope you will be on it. greg: and so happy and i know that you play it loud so they won't hear the screams of your victims. [laughter] in your workstation in the garage. jason. >> and on a serious note i've been in congress and had an opportunity to see men and women serving our country across the globe and the people on the ships and bases in afghanistan and they are away from their family and it's the holidays so merry christmas, god bless and thank you, thank you, thank you. [cheering and applause] greg: i disagree. i'm kidding. no one would ever say that.

tyrus. >> i have two thoughts in my head. i'm thankful for the 2-dollar bill is back. greg: only person with 2-dollar bills. >> i'm all about [inaudible]. you enjoy myself. [laughter] greg: i don't know. maybe i'm old. anyway, kat. >> i don't want to die in the hospital but if i do i want my last words to be you got the music in you and i want to say it to a janitor. greg: all right. that's an interesting closing and i don't know what it means and maybe i will never know. that's what makes us human. thanks to tom, jason, kat, tyrus. i'm greg gutfeld. [cheering and applause]

up next "the fox report." eric: have a good night. >> the trump administration on the cusp of its first major legislative win as members of the president's transition team level accusations of wrongdoing against special counsel robert mueller. i molly line and this is "the fox report"." trump transition officials raising a red flag over the mueller investigation. in a letter to lawmakers they accuse the special counsel transition documents from the general services administration. apparently as a workaround for issuing a subpoena. more data just a moment but first president trump heading to camp david as the g.o.p. announces it has the votes to pass tax reform.