americans miss, merry christmas eve eve. happy holidays. the current one show is next. >> i will ask ben carson if you want to stay or not because he needs more prayer than i do. you may be the only one. maybe a good solid prayer and they will be honest. is that possible. greg: even at the prayer breakfast he can't stop. [cheering and applause] congratulations, president from. one year after your election made it into the creepiest collection in america. the walt disney world hall of presidents. >> it's a privilege to serve as president of the united states, to stand here amongst so many great leaders of our past and to

work on behalf of the american people. greg: that thing scares the [bleep] crap out of me. do you think that look like trump? that is not true. that's the guy from police academy. let's watch it again. >> it's a privilege to serve as the president of the united states. to stand here among so many great leaders of our past and to work on the behalf of the american people. greg: on second thought -- [laughter] that's hillary in a wig. [laughter] she will do anything for attention, anything. anyway, robot trump is nowhere near as interesting or as scary as the real thing. just ask anyone in isis if you can find one who has not been reduced to a fine mist but it's not just isis that felt's wrath. consider the entertainment world or what's left of it.

look at the once fierce rapper eminem's own irrelevance and forced himself to leave for donner's attention and sad interviews plugging his new album, unlistenable garbage. that is not his name. it's what critics are calling it. unlistenable garbage. anyway, the stack of soggy potatoes tells new york magazine that trump makes his blood boil especially since donald is too busy to respond to his last awful representative about trump. then he revealed that he's prepared to hit back a trumpet he does. "i'm not going to give any weight now but i've got lines ready if he says something about me. [laughter] lines. isn't that adorable? maybe trump is a little too busy getting a tax plan past to be bothered by you. now, that plan it's not a perfect bill but what is?

[laughter] i stand corrected. that's a bill i wouldn't pass. [laughter] pass up, got it. greg: thank you. i'm glad that we got from the past. they seem to suffer from congressional constipation. unlike obamacare which was legislation by accident we didn't have a chance to make it to the bathroom before that thing had the toilet bowl. what a mess. not even any type paper but even more with this bill trump leaves on a high note. unlike hillary, a walking loan note that lingers like a dog for in an elevator. [laughter] and trump is not done yet. he's got a lot of things on his plate. >> the stock market, as you see it at an all-time high and we created over 2 million jobs, unemployment is at a 17 year low and we've cut hundreds and hundreds of regulations. we are restoring immigration enforcement and were cleaning

out towns of those ms 13 gangsters. will be building the wall and we have wonderful prototypes that have been put up. we will get up of chain migration and the visa lottery program. obamacare has been repealed in this bill. greg: i just honestly. a wall of robot drums. marshall, maybe you can learn from donald trump. keep yourself busy. it keeps you from going nuts and you might have something to fall back on in case the wrapping thing doesn't pan out. the sky is the limit with your talent that you could do this. ♪ jesus is a friend of mine ♪ jesus is a friend of mine ♪ [cheering and applause] greg: let us welcome tonight's guest. look we have here.

he's so tough he makes punching bags cry. retired special forces master sergeant. [cheering and applause] look at that beard. like a carving knife that slipped on a banana peel he's sharp and funny, he is the author of big-league, executive producer of kevin can wait, rod. even the grinch finds her a bit of a downer, national review reporter, kent sims. and he puts the star on top of the christmas tree, my former psychic, tyrus. [cheering and applause] i'm worried about eminem. >> we all are. greg: and worry that he might be the latest celebrity that might break because of donald trump. how do you feel about what he is going through right now? >> i was never a wrap guy, i know i look like one but you

know, i'm not. it's great though. it's cool to see these guys completely melt down and years ago he was on the edge one of those and now he's embarrassing himself a lot and you know, -- this is all great but my mom wishes that greg gutfeld was her son and were both mama's boys. i never met jackie but she's like my mom. you can open it now but this for my mom. it's great. greg: i will open it now. i hope it's nothing immersing. >> about eminem, yeah -- [cheering and applause] here's the thing -- i came out here and saw these unicorns and thought dammit but that name is fluffy. it's is fluffy. my mom didn't even know that. greg: it's great that captain bugaboo he needed a partner. >> and now he has one. greg: and they can keep each

other company. >> merry christmas. greg: give her my best. >> i will. greg: rob, do you have anything for me? >> i got you use glasses. greg: give them to me. i love glasses. no, no -- [inaudible conversations] rob, i will wear the thrust so even if they give me an incredible migraine but rob, you can comment on a number of things from that brilliant monologue. yet that robot trump which it could be and should be replicated and ronald mcdonald. remember? the robot mcdonald at every mcdonald. >> it wasn't a bad robot trump. that was pretty good. it looked like as you pointed out they were halfway through the hillary robot and -- thought oh, damn. we can fix that. greg: they were making it like

everyone else. >> but they're creepy and can't help but think you're in a sci-fi movie. i heard a couple years ago that they had to take the lincoln robot out for repair and he wouldn't go so they had to build a john wilkes booth robot to come in and -- [laughter] the only way to do it. greg: i would say too soon but i don't think his relatives our life. no letters from the lincoln family but rob long really offends me. don't have on the show anymore for him and what ron williams. [laughter] >> do you remember the first time you went to disneyland and how cool it was? greg: you were scared weren't you smart. >> i got banned from a. greg: you got banned from everything. >> still waiting. greg: cat, you and eminem are both for michigan. >> no matter what he does he's a little cuter by in my opinion.

greg: he's really good with women isn't he? >> cutie pie. greg: how many women has he threatened. >> i don't have to defend cutie pie. greg: any other deep thoughts or did you want to stop. >> didn't want to go there. i can't believe people are rob d about the robot trump thing. if your president you get to live in the white house and you get to pardon turkeys and you get to have a bunch of strangers blame you for all the personal problems and you get to have a little talking and medtronic thing at disney land or world and i don't know the difference because i'm a grown adult. greg: barely, i might add. >> thank you. greg: tyrus, let's ask you about eminem because you were snoop bodyguards i'm sure you iran into eminem once in a while. >> oh yeah, at the local rap convention. [laughter] we read coffee an poultry and h.

you might underestimate him as mitch. mr. president is very quick to fire back on those who insult him and he would not touch eminem's comments for a very simple -- his base, his younger base loves eminem. when eminem dropped an album it's always platinum and is a major player in those terms of things and donald trump there's a reason why he doesn't fire back on him. greg: i don't think trump is aware of that fact. i don't think he's -- >> i think he picks his battles and he smart and it's not a fight. greg: i don't thank you have to report this to the president. i wouldn't -- he never thanks about his -- >> yeah, but some of the senators and house members with those who have small followers dropped something he says they are but you can say what you want about eminem but -- it

dependent up on. greg: that is true but he's a little chicken here. >> is not going crazy he's saying i'm going to go crazy. he's the guy that says if he says one more word on to go -- and his is one more word but he didn't and i get to leave and i get to go home in my previous but it's not really -- >> is also not someone brave in the entertainment world to attack donald trump. they do that as a matter of course but i get what you're saying. >> yeah, he's not 20 years since prom like madonna saying something. he's the relevant. greg: i will say that it's not his fans that are the problem but he's a textbook example of late entertainment maturity. he spent a lot of time not knowing what's going on in the world you too busy with your

career and then as you hit for a rapper hitting 40 is like hitting 70 or 80 and that's why all rappers are now acting there on sbu or csi or other acronyms. that is what they do. >> they stand in one place and they say that's not only it but he's also been arrested for counterfeit and they sit there and. >> he's the exception to that rule because he still dropped out of and there platinum. i wish you were correct but you're not. check the sales. greg: [inaudible conversations] greg: when we combat, it's like the christmas fruitcake no one wants. hillary clinton shows up again and no one asks for it. [cheering and applause]

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greg: she is still trying to fit in a year after she didn't win. this week hillary clinton, if that is real name, made a cameo on the show song for women 17. talk about women who have free time. ♪

♪. greg: i have to say that might be the best thing she's ever done. [laughter] but it wasn't the only other place she popped up this week. saturday night live davidson shared this photo on instagram, a tattoo of his hero with the caption thanks for being such a bad ass and one of the strongest people in the universe. [laughter] that will aid well. meanwhile, in a completely unrelated story hillary clinton's favorite favorability rating hit a new low this week. according to a poll by gallup just 36% of americans view hillary clinton favorably.

thirty-six, that's a pretty low bar. for context, this guy's favorable rating is at 37. >> oh my god. [bleep]. [laughter] greg: that was right before jesse watters cut his hair. [laughter] hey, kat, you look at that and i thought hillary did a funny thing in there but it seems like she's muscling into the #metoo movement because isn't she the antithesis of of sisterhood smart. >> she's married to a man who has been accused many types of sexual assault and hope people won't notice but that was funny. she's embarrassing but it is not

the most embarrassing moment of the year. greg: with? >> elizabeth warren. she said -- [cheering and applause] she said her favorite swearword was. this is 2017 and women are allowed to say [bleep] now. [cheering and applause] say what you mean. greg: i like because is that what is called a [inaudible]? sit on a pan, otis. anyway, the. you get to sit on the pan, otis, you get to poop. >> ride this to the ground. >> i don't think we need to be language. >> are you saying that's i'm a woman because i'll have you know it's 2017 yeah, that's because you're a woman. greg: rob -- >> this is a tattoo.

greg: really? what you make of anyone getting a political tattoo? what about the dude, nixon -- roger stone has a tattoo of nixon on his back. >> i think he's 93 years old. that tattoo looks away if they're going to bury him it can look like that. pete davidson got up picture of the young hillary so as he ages it'll catch up to her. or maybe it goes faster if she still around. greg: interesting. i don't know, tyrus, you have more tattoos combined. >> i don't know what you're talking about. greg: is he giving a tattoo of that name? >> no, i don't think i've seen some pretty outlandish that you. greg: what's the worst? >> don't worry about it. not important. that video by the way, if you watch the video front to back it's actually pretty funny because it's a set up for the social warriors justice and that

doesn't look like hillary clinton. yeah but her mouth looks weird. you can get a portrait tattoo it's got to be really good in. greg: she looks like someone from the bagels. the lead singer, the q1. >> tyrus, your tattoos have tattoos. >> yes, they do. all my tattoos are made from solid decision and research and my own drawing good thing about the tattoo has jack ass moves. you just got a tattoo of woman you do not know and probably will never know and now you got explain that woman you go home to. your hillary clinton on your but i'm not on your chest? he set himself up for a horrible

situation. it's a tattoo and you should never get names of people and stuff like that because things change. what if this to changes in what if he gets rich and doesn't want to pay a ton of taxes. [laughter] [cheering and applause] >> hard to argue. greg: i go back to what i said in that brilliant monologue, waited -- while not by choice but left on a high note in 2017 she doesn't leave. she's alone know that -- >> do you think she will ever go gently into the night. greg: no, no. but what will she do? there's nothing. >> by a vote and drink a bunch. she's rich. greg: yeah, that's what i do. >> i would call dole or romney and say what are you guys doing? we don't want to be and we write books. greg: that's a good idea she wrote a book but it was a book about hanging around [-left-square-bracket. >> that's what she's good at.

let's wish her well. we get to see her in the news. >> forever. >> yeah, forever. >> shall be replaced by a disney robot and no one will know in 2093. [laughter] greg: i want to be one of those robots. i love robots. up next, is more patriotic? the left or the right. if you do not know or won't no, why is my screen of these -- anyway, you're an american hating commie. ♪ dad promised he would teach me how to surf on our trip. ♪ when you book a flight then add a hotel you can save. ♪ three waves later, i think it was the other way around... ♪

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greg: we are liable to the title. there's a new survey out on american views of patriotism and the good news is the majority of us consider ourselves to be patriotic but not so good news is we think we are becoming less patriotic as a nation and the bad news is what we consider to be patriotic falls right down party lines. the survey throughout some brand names and asked those to rate how patriotic those brands were. conservatives top five patriotic brands are. [cheering and applause]

liberals top five for the peri period. [crowd boos] no crossover whatsoever. that is a shame. surely there is something we can all agree is patriotic. ♪. greg: that is a proud little chicken. [cheering and applause] tasted delicious. tyrus, were we ever break from this kind of tribal lanes that we all take? it seems like an evolutionary tactic. we all had to create our own

type that we didn't like anyone who is different and this pleads now into everything. >> who did they pull? i mean, for real. nra is great but i don't wake up in the morning and say let's see what the nra is doing. greg: they probably gave a listening. >> it just seems that those things aren't real. the army, the flag, the president, the deeds, boy scouts, i like football now school but when i think about real people those aren't real things to us. they are things we'll talk about in conversation but if they actually asked the real question i think the surveys are designed to divide because if they ask the average person what they did every day were all pretty much the same and we do the same thing. we take care of our families, we worker jobs, we enjoy our friends and have fun when we can. none of those things are up there. greg: i don't know though. >> hobby lobby. have you ever been to a damn

hobby lobby mark. greg: i spend hours there until they asked me to leave. >> what is wrong with michael's mark. greg: not many michael's on the east coast. no one knows what i'm talking about anymore. it does point out something interesting. rob, there is a parallel. the nra is the planned parenthood. you know what i mean? hobby lobby is the nfl and fox news is i don't know what "the new york times" so it's almost like everything has its antithesis. the yin and yang, if you will. >> but it feels like people are thinking -- what i like on my site. chick-fil-a in midtown and it's filled with people. greg: there's a line going around. >> yeah, filled with those from the evil manhattan eating chick-fil-a. greg: it is. kat, thoughts smart. >> i love things on both lists.

i love to play. in the morning they will let you put pickles on your breakfast sandwich. one of my favorite hobbies is to drink beer and stand in front of the tv and watch the nfl and beg people to pay attention to me. greg: how is that going? >> still trying it. greg: i know you have negative thoughts about patriotism, terry,. >> yeah, you've clued into how i hate america. >> he's dressed like he's ready to go back but -- >> i'm always ready. i think tribalism it will always be that way but it's interesting when you look at the list. that's a good point about it dividing and it's if you look at those things the nra, whether you like it or not the nra is akin to what we were founded on and so is -- planned parenthood is not. i think the stuff that the left finds important or patriotic are

not tied into our eerily founding. greg: is not necessarily -- >> i don't care. i'm not can tell you that. by the way, people say that's the highest form of patriotism and i say [bleep]. self-sacrifice is the highest form of patriotism because that's what you're acting and giving up something to maintain -- those who never lost a friend who has considered themselves page on it and they are and i don't think the left of the country but it's interesting that the institutions they found important are not the ones that were in the beginning. >> i've never been to war but i use the american flag imodium a lot. is that the same? >> but to be fair the only thing in that list -- >> was the nra spent well, that was part of the founders was the

free press. greg: that point. >> by the way, that's interesting because i totally agree with you but they hated the price and if you read about the stuff those guys wrote in the 1700s they were nasty to the politicians but do we have a free press anymore? i don't know what's going on with the tax bill because i can't trust what i read and so i think with the press and no one is objective by reason "the new york times" and we joke around is because i don't believe a lot that i read from them. where is the free press now? and why is judicial lost demanding to get documents about the fbi and isn't the media supposed to be doing that smart. greg: i wish i had an answer for you. running out of time. you know fox news was in the original founding. [laughter] booktv hadn't been -- >> and so was the nfl. greg: and they had this idea that fox news fair and balanced and you have fun news called the

five and where do we put it? i don't know. >> fox news, it's that we are -- >> it's called that ye old fox news shop. [laughter] greg: does the pentagon's ufo program [inaudible] [cheering and applause]

six are they keeping a teeth from you and me? this week it was revealed that the defense department set up a secret program ten years ago -- that is a decade, kat. to investigate ufos called the advanced aviation threat identification program. it looked at encounters military pilots had with unknown aircraft like this one from 2004. look at it. >> there's a whole fleet of

them. my gosh. they're all going against the wind. the wind is 120 miles in the west. greg: that is a fly inside your cost. if you look at it it's a fly. just look at it. it's not even moving. [cheering and applause] now the program was created in 2007 at the urging of then senate majority leader harry reid the pentagon said it ended in 2012. or did it really? our special correspondent mike is live outside the pentagon with more. it's the first day on his job so mike, is this program shutdown? >> thanks, greg. as of this hour we have reason to believe that not only is the program not shut down that we made contact with extraterrestrials. on a personal note, i believe the government may be secretly working with the aliens to --

[laughter] [applause] greg: we seem to have lost, mike. he wasn't very good anyway. >> it just started. greg: i didn't like it. it was his last job. let it go. rob, we spent 22 million on this program, waste of money? >> is priced that they didn't have this in the 50s. most movies have been based on the secret pentagon program manager started in 2007? thing is the three senators who sponsored it, harry reid, senator from nevada where area 51 is an senator in a way and senator stevens both of whom are quite dead. greg: that is interesting. this may be bigger than we think. it could go straight to the top.

tyrus, the very top. >> the top of what smart. greg: i don't know, the top of your head. >> you just said it was a fly. that was greg, not tyrus. i have an alien story. greg: quickly. >> that's it. i do have one. i just saw do get vaporized. greg: it was a nightmare. he woke up in the middle of the night on the edge of the bed. people think it's in an alien abduction and they think they're being abducted by an alien but it's a hypnotic -- >> and your probe and that's what happened. greg: usually they come to me and that happened later. [laughter] >> people pay good money for that. greg: you must pray aliens exist because that would double your chance of finding a boyfriend. >> absolutely. i was thinking that i don't know

if i like the spending idea but the idea that there are your strange and twisted beans out there somewhere in the universe that we don't know about yet is probably my only chance of ever finding a. [laughter] >> you can see kat outside with those little lining things like take me to your leader. >> yeah, i stand outside my balcony every night with flashlight and a tinfoil hat on which is why i'm not available to hang out with human males. i've given up there. i'm very happy to see this. greg: i always wondered if aliens turn to be super tiny cemetery. >> well you'll be the big guy on campus. [laughter] greg: don't applaud. applaud cruelty. >> you don't care. >> was it -- 27 million -- that the drop in the bucket. i think it's worth investigating. i read an article. greg: good for you.

>> that the money because it was read and stevens that he's from alaska and those guys may have donors they got the money but i don't know, i think it's worth looking into. i've seen. greg: are there aliens? i don't know. thank you. i had ended on a bed of. before we go to break we just like to take a moment to remember one of our trusted colleagues is no longer with us. ♪ [cheering and applause] greg: up next, should we get [inaudible] for christmas? fine with me. i have enough scented candles with most airline credit cards, you only earn double miles when you buy stuff from that airline. is this where you typically shop?

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greg: is it time to hit pause on santa claus? a poll online survey found that 59% of americans would rather not exchange gifts during the holiday season if their friends and family agreed to it. 43% said they feel pressure to

spend more on gas than they can afford and that if they didn't have to buy their family guess that they'd spend their money doing something cool with the families like this. >> we can get candy after this. >> look at the camera. >> i can't see aaron. >> i got really good video. greg: children. so adorable. [cheering and applause] sends it's the holidays i thought i'd get donald trump a gift and i got him a -- >> very nice. greg: that's not all. i got every one of your gift. passes down for tyrus. i got a lovely headshot of me. >> tyrus, this is for you. merry christmas. >> my parents will of this. greg: here, this is for kat.

>> kat, merry christmas, god bless. >> not even a new one. greg: and this is for rob. >> rob, there you go. >> you got that face tuneup, i see. greg: oh shoot. i iran out. i'm kidding. a little game with you. >> i was really hurt. greg: i wanted to make you feel sad. [applause] >> wait a minute. what does it say on yours? >> my says happy holidays. >> merry christmas. >> mines as best wishes. [laughter] couldn't even bring yourself one time to treat me like everyone else. greg: no, no. i don't see gifts. >> that the middle finger of the holiday. greg: how do you feel about the survey? i love it. i agree with that. we do spend too much on presence and stuff and people don't appreciate them. greg: i think you're right.

kent, people buy things they don't evening for other people. old navy sweaters. everyone is fine old navy sweaters and they don't wear them. >> i love sweaters, greg. i'm oftentimes cold. [laughter] i thought it was interesting because people often say that americans only care about getting stuff and as it turns out we care more about not having to give other people stuff. is that better or worse? i don't know. greg: you can have a conversation later with my headshot. rob, i can feel like a shot. >> i'm mesmerized. i mesmerized by the 2007 greg. [laughter] i think the problem isn't the gifts but the gifts are lousy. there should be a high price limit and they should be small and heavy as no one wants to get inexpensive heavy gift. greg: are you talking about a human head?

>> that's what he meant, greg. >> may be a robot human head. greg: i don't know so you're saying more expensive. >> yeah, we should dial it up. this is more serious than jokes. >> it's the death of western civilization. here is why. the reason is -- okay i'm exaggerating. it's not the death but it's not cool. i used to walk uphill both ways through the snow, tyrus, just like you expected they wish you best wishes back then? >> i was always grateful but i have nephew and nieces and their great but i used to like getting a g.i. joe for christmas. greg: now you are there g.i. joe. >> i like giving presents and i like getting presents. greg: i just think if you stop giving presents millions of families would actually have money saved. >> people put themselves in the poor house for one day out of the year.

it's terrible. >> but that's because -- >> you're not a man if you don't give your family the singer not a good mom if you don't do this but for real. >> if we don't have standards we all have something like this. >> low rent. >> how old is this? >> i'm not ungrateful but -- >> tom gets a one day supply of diet coke. >> and some of us get best wishes. greg: next time, nothing for everybody. >> you ruin christmas. greg: tyrus schools the white house [inaudible] [cheering and applause]

greg: i will see you monday for a very special christmas day addition of the five. final thoughts. tyrus. >> sarah huckabee sanders asked

me to fill in for her this day in the white house and as usual, it got weird. >> i'm good. alright everybody. keep it short and sweet. me and the president have pilates in about 20 minutes. it's good to be back. >> it was about five or six weeks ago. >> dude, that's where that you would know that. that's all you're gonna say smart show of hands who think this guy is being creepy? thought so. let's get to the questions. >> can you say about why john bolton was here at the white house today smart. >> yes, former ambassador was about here about the print job. >> with his future in the administration? >> is in it obvious? secretary of mustaches. >> it was almost a done deal until they got into a debate about whether chunky or smooth is the best kind of peanut

butter. bolton says turkey is the best. >> to the white house share that opinion? >> well, try maintains that smooth was the superior peanut butter. >> is that an open question or is that in doubt smart. >> well major garrett chunky is better. can you tell us when the person became aware that smart. >> fine, i will tell you. he had him tell one of the 20 reese's peanut butter cups. [laughter] enjoy. [cheering and applause] greg: well done. well done. special thanks as always to terry, rob long, captain, tyrus. merry christmas and happy holidays. i'm greg gutfeld and i love you,

america. [cheering and applause]dodododo? >> let's do it! >> let's do it. >> major development at the fbi this weekend. fox news has confirmed that the bureau is reassigning the top lawyers. and they never to official is said to be -- this is the "fox report". >> the washington post reporting that the pdf you director is set to return a few months after he becomes fully eligible for pension benefits. they have honed in on him grilling him for hours behind closed doors just days ago about his involvement in high profile investigation into