if you can't watch, set your dvr. thank you for watching. it's you next saturday night. i'm jeanine pirro advocating for truth, justice and the american way. the greg gutfeld show is next. >> donald trump is turn the oval office into a [bleep] >> [bleep], [bleep], [bleep] >> i'm a proud [bleep]. steve: this story is full of holes. [cheering and applause] here i thought this would be the big story of the week. check out this sexy kangaroo. look at him. [laughter] the big problem is he's blocking people from a restroom in australia national park.

look at him. that is a sexy kangaroo. he's like the burt reynolds of kangaroos. seriously. that pouch must be made of mirrors because i can see myself in it. [laughter] then i also thought that this would be the story of the week, too. >> sunday, sunday, sunday. get ready for the white house fumble to mac. it's a president versus steve bannon. it's an all-out war in the oval. it will be messier than your teenagers bedroom. the first hundred viewers receive a temporary [inaudible] at the white house. white house rumble to mac,

stopping second. greg: all of that it seems like years ago. trump has this uncanny ability to warp a time. whatever we were talking about on thursday it seems like it happened in the '90s and not the 1990s. the '90s, the new top story is making everyone holier than th thou. >> for him to claim that all the countries of africa are [bleep] is willfully ignorant. >> [bleep] the whole country. reporter: . greg: it's like they never swore in their lives and it's all coming out now. i hope trump introduces a new vulgarity every week so they can

repeat it over and over again. [cheering and applause] they are applauding that. [laughter] but it is not like they have ever used that word or intent. if you are in the new york media and you are outraged by that word you are a hypocrite because you use that word all the time. mainly to describe any gym that does not have a juice bar or a pub that doesn't serve craft beer or anyplace that does is beneath your standard of comfort and luxury. trump denies he worded it this way but come on. other men. [laughter] other men in the room say otherwise which leads me to conclude what a bunch of tattle tales. [laughter] anyway, i wish he would clean up his act but come on the media is treating this word which is not armageddon. >> a white hockey from northway

can come here but a black dude from haiti can't. what does that tell you in america that that in one generation calls you a [bleep], were no different than we were a generation ago and we are learning the same lessons that we learned when we call the chinese man a [bleep] or when we call the man from guatemala a [bleep] and we call a black man [bleep] [laughter] greg: did he just say all of that? that is wrong. i think we need something to calm me down. now, i get it. trumps rhetoric makes him a heavy lift. he's that two hour drive for 30 minutes at the beach but when the media turns this into this collective do we eyed drama queen i start to think the drive is worth it.

the fact is, we have a president who talks like this and this isn't even the worst thing he has said. but i look at this way. who would you rather have operate on your kid? a great doctor who is a -- or a incompetent guy who is a charmer? as long as his actions are good we will probably live the not so good rhetoric but if things start turning south, then who knows? so far, separate good. remember this. >> we want to see something happen with daca. the fact is a country with such a mess and no one no one knows what the numbers are. we know what the numbers are. above all else, any bill we pass must improve jobs, wages insecurity for american citize citizens. the people who elected us, all of us, the people that elected

us we have to take care of them. greg: trump did so good that he even drew praise from trump. >> my performance, some of them called it a performance, i consider it work. it got great reviews by everybody other than two networks were phenomenal for about two hours. [applause] greg: he just graded his own paper. and he gave himself in a. na is probably not high enough. in a, a, a. and for cnn it wasn't just the meeting it was a gosh don sausage party. >> tv sensation of sausage making. >> it is great for people to see why it's called the sausage making special before we dig into the dazzling spectacle that we saw yesterday of such as making. greg: that was three days ago they were so happy back then. sausage. not everyone was on board. check out this pair of nuts.

>> this was nothing more than a dog and pony show where he is using democrats to try to show that he was fit when in truth he actually show that he had very little command of the issue. >> i have friends that went to paris over the holiday and they said they were viscerally embarrassed to be americans. they said it was and is the first time it was showing. >> grandpa kept wandering back and forth and he had to be reminded time and time again by republicans what he believed. greg: i keep trying to figure out how she is able to move that dummies lips. [laughter] it has got to be, it has got to be, it has got to be -- that is how you work a dummy. anyway, no matter what time does they will gripe but he doesn't

help himself with his rhetoric. still, america arose the wrong content as baby leopards. small business optimism is an all-time high -- but yeah, that works. the economy is chugging along and cubbies are getting bonuses, benefits and wage increases to their employees. he's coerced north korea to the table and iran is probably with the secular revolution and things all these things have majority approval across the parties which strikes me as [inaudible]. what exactly has he done that is pushed us down the slippery slope. dystopia not much except for crude words. yeah, he's blunt to the point of ugliness but i'm sorry i don't see joe and mika taking provocations in the sudan. at least trump admits that he doesn't. take a tip from this sexy kangaroo. sit back, relax, come down. nothing is more attractive than an unflappable marsupial. [cheering and applause]

let's welcome tonight's guest. he is so tough he shaves with barbed wire, "fox and friends" we can cohost pete. [cheering and applause] my iphone's autocorrect says she is talking larry, writer and comedian alley. [cheering and applause] she's our damsel from detroit, kat sims. [cheering and applause] a satellite dish is his dinner plate, former bodyguard and my massive sidekick, tyrus. [cheering and applause] quite a week. >> just a little bit. greg: what is your take on all of this? >> my take is your final take which is everyone needs to come down. this president iran on something and he's negotiating it and he used salty language and listen, i know what i said when i was

walking on patrol about a rack about the neighborhoods and it wasn't this is a wonderful place. it was while this is a, you know. the reality is you can differentiate people coming from these places places that are not doing as well as america, you might say. we did have a candidate in the general election the call to those who voted for the president deplorable. is that acceptable? greg:no, the left loves to point americans who don't like and they say it's unacceptable. but when the president points out the lottery system, he's somehow racist? it's ridiculous. those that support the policies as president is pursuing should not bend to what the left is trying to do. greg: the thing is though -- [cheering and applause]

he will have to be able to make those two things distinct that he was talking about a country and not people and he's got to say that by saying when he moved to merit based immigration that will include people from what we would call the whole country because if he says you are from a country and you can't come here and that is racist so he has to make sure that he says that look, these countries they are good people from there and i don't want to use the visa lottery system. i want to use the merit based immigration system so the good people can get in here but he's got to say it. i hope he says it soon. allie, first time on the show. [cheering and applause] >> yes. greg: talk about whatever you want. what you make of this latest controversy? >> i'm surprised so many are up in arms. so use to as locker room talk that got him elected. i like the people are obsessed frederick. hillary clinton treated how abominable it was that he said this and it was horrible that he was treating these people is way the clinton foundation a stole

billions of dollars from haiti years ago and look at actions opposed to words. i think we need to do more that. greg: that is the thing. it is -- now words are actions. i can see that you can argue that that is something is inflammatory enough it can be an action but i don't know if that what this is. cat, this country still rolls on and that's the thing. it goes back to the police that trump can handle the big things we forgive this obnoxious course frederick. what do you think. >> now thanks to top we can say merry christmas again and we can also say and we can also say [bleep], apparently. greg: you can say [bleep] -- by the way, that is a bar downtown. mary is quite a bartender. [-left-square-bracke[laughter] >> what i didn't like the

comment and i didn't like them and that makes me a conservative but i pictured a little kid be like mom, can jimmy come to play and she says no and he says why and she says because the country of origin is a [bleep] so he can come over. it's not a good thing. i understand the difference but based on country of origin and calling it that i think could have done a better job. greg: i think he will have two separate people from the country because -- >> i love to hear and say that. greg: and i hope he does. me too. tyrus, any threes contract first, two questions. [laughter] by the way, tyrus is his own country of origin. [cheering and applause] >> and it's not a [bleep]. property is beautiful. greg: two things.

i want to ask you where is bennett going to go next because we were going to talk about bannon and also your analysis of trump? >> well, wow. deep question. where is bannon? take waldo out. we respect this big fight and it was over in one round. he learned really quick that it was trumps world not bannon. he lost everything and one half hour. [laughter] he lost the show, he lost the radio show they took his dog come his house and he had to turn his keys in. [cheering and applause] he is literally somewhere in a van down by the river and he is not handsome like chris farley was so he is -- he's a [bleep], that's what he is. [cheering and applause] my theory with trump and his and one, he is drinking. [laughter] from a guy who has had a drink -- i mean, that's the only thing i can think of.

the economy is great. we are doing is so many great things and were talking about this or he's in this long meeting and he's like someone from african descent, after hearing the statement i agree with you that he was talking about the country so i guess if he said third world country it would have been better but there will country if you look at in the urban dictionary is [bleep] [applause] so, at this point i'm going t to -- stop sipping the diet coke at 3:00 in the morning. greg: but remember he said this in a room and -- but i do think this is who he is and it's just like -- his mistake was believing that what he could say in a private meeting would be kept there. >> dick turbine rather than confront him in the meeting and have any courage at all he iran to his friends in the media afterward and said let me tell

you what he said like a tattletale. he is not used to that and that's not his world operates but that is how the dc swamp of small men operate back from what i understand senator hamilton. greg: what granted was like. senator graham went to talk to him "after words" which is like what you normally do in reality world but not in this case. i think we learned a lot this week which we will soon forget by monday because we will be drinking a lot and trouble do something else. coming up, a story so hot it will leave burn marks on your brain. no more personal cell phones if you work in the west wing. yeah, that will work. i take pictures of sunrises, but with my back pain i couldn't sleep and get up in time. then i found aleve pm. aleve pm is the only one to combine a safe sleep aid plus the 12 hour pain relieving strength of aleve. i'm back. aleve pm for a better am.

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greg: they can no longer make calls from within the west wing walls. [laughter] according to a memo issued by a chief of staff john kelly, personal cell phones will be and within the west wing of the white house. the ban intends to protect classified information and to keep staffers from using personal phones for official business. something that historically has caused problems for some people. [laughter] she always gets applause wherever she goes. the very clever media suspicious of the timing and asked sarah sanders if that michael will look at anything to do with john

kelly's new edict. >> do response to revelations in this book? >> absolutely not. that's an absolute ridiculous characterization. greg: do they think anyone leaking info is stupid enough to call from the west wing as opposed to their house or starbucks? the bathroom? anyway, don't worry the media the leaking probably won't stop and leave the nation's classified information will be more secure or insecure as this. >> do you want to come in? oh my god. he is nibbling. >> lock the door. it was awesome. greg: we couldn't show you the second part of that. [laughter] it was disgusting but erotic, i must say. do you think this is a good idea, ellie? >> i don't think it will work but it's a reasonable idea. i went to a kevin hart show and they took my cell phone at that

so i don't think it's unreasonable that you shouldn't have your personal device on you. everything has a camera or recorder now. by the way, you can get a piece of fruit that has a camera in it at this point. i don't think you'll stop the leaks. greg: is that you can sponsor people eating fruit? that's very strange. why is this piece of fruit in the shower? it's a piece of fruit by the lid and what is that doing their. kat, this would ruin your life is someone forced you to take your phone, you would die right there. >> my phone is my best friend. [laughter] i do it at my house. i make people leave the front of the door because i invite people over to pay attention to me. greg: i see. [cheering and applause] >> it's called validation, greg. greg: that's true. it's kind of like your little pet. anyway, tyrus, remember when we didn't have this problem when we didn't have cell phones? >> i think it's the greatest idea i have ever heard. i love it. you are working for one of the greatest, highest, most important jobs in the world, maybe not have your phone.

i think kelly did a great job by saying that. if i was working there it would be an excuse not to be bothered. sorry, i got to turn my phone and for the next 12 hours you can't bother me. and then i can't wait to retire because all of the rotary phones you don't catch my ass between ten in the morning or 5:00 in the afternoon you ain't cutting me. greg: so what you're saying is this is good for married men. >> working. what are you working on contract stuff. why are you -- you mommy? yes. [laughter] you didn't respond fast enough. sorry. >> sorry about that. that's the only thing is good through. deep throat didn't have an iphone. greg: that's true. it happened in a parking garage. a lot of [bleep] happens in a parking garage. [inaudible conversations] greg: after trump, you can say anything. [cheering and applause]

by the way, it could mean a number of different things, pete. >> yes, he is not just on kelly to his general john kellyanne in the military we something called operational security otherwise known as op set for you not allowed to bring prices into sensitive areas. last time i checked the west wing is one of them where they discussed was classified and secret information our country holds. this initiative and probably since day one and when he came this is not a response to the book and a procedure like this which is starting in a couple of days would have been implanted over a series of wants to make sure they are the protocols in place and he is in charge and he's laying the gauntlet down. good for him. >> i would seek my phone in. greg: no devices in sensitive areas. greg: i wish i knew that before ended up in the art. it took me an hour to explain. >> just keep going. greg: i think we are undressing the effect of smart phones that's having on our lives.

there will be skills and talents that we will cease to have just like actually thinking about things when we could search for things, we will not think or do and -- you won't try to figure out how to get from a to b if you don't -- >> so when i'm telling my kids not play video games i'm doing them a disservice? >> no, tell him to play video games because any of the street and he will play. >> [inaudible]. greg: i may get that. up next, should you care if the government renewed its domestic surveillance program, as long as they ignore my search history, i am not worried. [cheering and applause] coaching means making tough choices.

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okay, time to do this! don't let your bladder always take the lead. ask your doctor if myrbetriq is right for you. and visit myrbetriq.com to learn more. >> life from america's new settlers. chaos, panic and fear rained in white for nearly 40 minutes. that is after a false alarm warning residents of a ballistic missile threat. the warning was blasted on television radio and cell phones. terrified residents even abandoned their cars on highways seeking shelter. one desperate family even placing a girl in a manhole. state officials say it is due to human error for the wrong button was pushed at the end of a shift change. chelsea manning is preparing for a senate run in maryland. the whistleblower and transgender activist has filed

election paperwork. she is said to challenge fellow democrat senator been carded but manning was convicted of leaking classified army documents to wikileaks after serving seven years, former president obama commuted her sentence. i'm alicea, back to the greg gutfeld show. greg: i'm not going to lie, i love to spy. i would spy on you if i could. and maybe i am right now. close your robe, bob in waco. [laughter] open yours steve in omaha. [laughter] i am thrilled that last week the house with you the controversial program that allows the government to collect foreign intel on potential terror threats. however a warrant or probable cause are required for collections on americans but so many people seem to forget mentioning in the media or shall i say main stream media. the legislation now goes to the

senate. i hope the government never comes looking for this video of me. [laughter] i was in such better shape back then. low carbs, high-protein. back on the bread. kat, in the green room you said and i quote and i recorded it thank god, we have this new fisa rules to allow me to rail against them in a secure and be secure in my safety bolstered freedom. that is exactly what he said. >> that is not what i said. in the green room i sat in the corner and didn't talk at all. that's what i did. >> classic kat. >> yes, i'm very personable. no, it's not like there is no protection for americans in the spring there really isn't. if you end up talking -- i understand if you want contact you don't have constitutional rights. those that your wrapped up in

you -- you don't have to get a word. it's to get your information and then you can get in trouble for something completely different and also the constitution says this isn't allowed. greg: okay judge napolitano. >> it is not in the constitution and if you start ignoring certain parts of constitution than the whole thing becomes obsolete because you could say well, we did over here and either the constitution is everything or it means nothing. and to me it is everything, greg. greg: very good. [cheering and applause] don't upon her, it's my show. it is not all or nothing. let's face it, the constitution, it is overrated. [laughter] there is a lot of stuff in there anyway, pete, refute everything she said. >> i normally -- i want to spy on everyone and anyone who is not an american with any means possible. i think we should bring the nation back. [laughter] greg: can you clarify who you would assassinate? >> no, i won't.

i would never give away my playbook. i think america should do whatever it needs to maintain its position in the world but i am a kat on the constitution thing. if you are an american citizen you should have the right and i didn't used to have that view but you see what the abuses that have been used by people in power and when your party is not a power they don't care about the constitution they will weapon eyes the intelligence services against you which is exactly what barack obama and hillary clinton did against hillary tron. i want to constitution affects us from that. [cheering and applause] greg: you couldn't be more wrong. and i have facts here to dispute that. we don't have time to go through them. [laughter] >> there was some good ass fax. greg: i showed you in the greater. it was amazing. look, you can't connect the dots, tires, without the dots. >> you got to have it out. yeah, i don't want to be smart cats eloquent speech but if i'm

not doing dirt i don't care but i also understand their needs to be something that if they're looking at a foreign element and they are talking to an american and at that point maybe that is when the warrant comes in. i think that is fine and whatever conversations are happening before the warrant is in admissible and -- >> if there is evidence that. >> yes, eminent threat. there could be a great area there. greg: if you want to play the be in warrant. >> you. [cheering and applause] >> how could you not remember warren? [inaudible conversations] >> weight, you hate maroon five but you like warrant? greg: i didn't like more and i didn't say that i just searching for a desperate joke. [laughter] they had one song, cherry pie. that was it. it wasn't even very good. allie, save me from myself.

>> i'm with kat. i think it is a great argument and i with pete, too. spy on the foreign operatives and all that. once you're in america you're protected by the constitution. greg: but what if americans are terrorists but. >> if you're saying we are in america it's a great way to protect the borders because it will spy on you will cease make sure you don't get any of you doing anything wrong so use it for that. greg: you are marrying that issue to this issue. i can go that but i want both. i want to spy on everybody and also have a strong border because i'm a weirdo. [cheering and applause] all right. coming up, uncle sam wants you to put down the funnel cake. why the army is having a hard time finding its roots next. for heart health. your one a day is showing.

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greg: how can you fight a war can't get through the door? according to a new study army recruits from the south are less fit than from other parts of the country. they are more likely to get injured and that is a problem because the army draws a high percentage of soldiers from records from 11 states from georgia to texas and each lost recruit cost the government thousands of dollars. meanwhile in other military related news the 911 plotters including a legend mastermind and lover of giant neck t-shirts are accusing ghetto prison guards of sexual harassment for conducting growing searches instead of using body scanners. i believe we have response. [laughter] greg: apparently, we were able to locate one of his exes. tyrus, tyrus, i am sorry.

>> to your boy in gitmo, that's the closest thing to love you are going to get. [cheering and applause] you might want to ask him to search more often. excuse me, i might be hiding something, sir. [laughter] i have an issue with the whole that recruiting because i remember i was in high school the army guys would come down and they would have you you a train before you got there and the guys that stuck it out they got a chance to go and the guys who did it, had to keep doing those things until you do lose 30 pounds or lose this or whatever and the guys wanted it they did it. so, if you have guys were out of shape, get them in shape. the thing about being out of shape is you can't get into shape. greg: unless you're me. >> so, get them in shape. it's basic training. it sucks and you might get hurt. i understand that but it's part of it. you are getting young men need guidance and need to learn things so don't condemn them for being out of shape but give them

the tools to get in shape because they're willing to defend our country so give them the opportunity to do so. [applause] greg: good point. i blame the government for these people being overweight because we fed the slide called the nutritional pyramid that said they had to eat ten slices of bread and this much protein but this much carbohydrates and no wonder why everyone is shaped like a pyramid. i don't know. >> have you been to the south. the food is amazing. their fried twinkies on the burgers and that's the lighter fare of the menu. greg: that is true. >> it must be part of south because they are dominating college football right now. they are in amazing shape. greg: true. i've never been to one of their locker rooms. i will have you know. kat, thoughts? >> i don't like talking like this because this is how the government imposes laws on nutrition and says that i can't drink my body weight in a sleepy

and says that i can't eat a soft pretzel in the bathtub at nighttime. that kind of stuff which is fun stuff to do. the constitution. greg: oh god. >> doesn't say we need to be protected from high fructose corn syrup so they can just leave us alone. [applause] greg: pete -- urine army veteran or were you air force? >> do not offend me. [crowd boos] greg: i have a theory and i want to present it to you. i think technology will make physical requirements way more lax and less important because we are involving and so is our way of killing. you don't have to look like pete if you're in a secluded military installation in montana pushing buttons and directing drones and killer robots who have a thousand times its strength as a human being. you don't have to be an mma expert anymore if your robots

are massive killing machines. this is why, pete, we have to get there first with drones ai in robots because then we when the universe. [cheering and applause] thank you. that is my theory. >> i do not entirely disagree. except -- you should know this better than anyone else until the robots take over themselves. greg: yes, that will happen when they become aware. >> you can't physically take on a robot you will be in trouble. greg: that's why you have a long extension cords just to pull it out on the robot and then there like [inaudible] >> throw a couple water. greg: yeah, then the spokes comes out and arms go like this. [laughter] they will show this tape of me in a thousand years and i'm going to be called racist. they will say back in 2018 greg was mocking us. then they will dig me up, reanimate me just to torture me.

>> that may all be true. i will say, clearly michelle obama did not do her job or school lunches otherwise it would be solved and that is usually how they want to sell it. on the gitmo guard, having served on there for a year no detainees ever had anything up there ever in their life. we should never search there at all. the fact that we even cared why an iota about what this guy is saying is absurd. know how well they're treated down there? probably better than your local medical facility. we bend over backwards to treat them well. greg: so today. [cheering and applause] i have to say i am a terrible host because i forgot that you were a gitmo guard. i would like if i was doing a guard on gitmo and -- how is the weather and completely, anyway. i'm sorry but still to come, a restaurant allowed customers to set their own price and it paid the ultimate price.

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greg: they made bread for a living and sadly no one was giving. the narrow restaurant in

st. louis is closing its doors after a seven year long experiments where customers could pay what they pleased. it opened in 2010 hoping that people who could afford it suggest a price to pay for it or more with the concept spread to other stores in chicago, michigan and portland in boston but boston is the only one still open. like they would go there. company chairman says people paid about 85% of the suggested price but added we loved it and worked well to prove that the idea would work. yet, until it didn't. just like communism. thanks for nothing, ron. they are replacing the player restaurant with a shop featuring this fellow. i would pay anything for that. anything. all right. i don't know. tyrus?

that was a success and they said it was a success even though they had to close everything. what is the lesson? >> i think the lesson here is that the ceo for the guy from panera bread is greedy because here's the thing about these restaurants. they charge three or four times what the food is actually worth so the overcharges anyway so when they do pay-as-you-go, seven years is a long time for any business to stay open and st. louis isn't exactly an economic wonderful place right now so i mean. greg: they have the arch. >> yeah, we don't have to pay to see that. >> they have nelly. >> yeah but nelly is like warren. i find when a company tells me something is not working that was working i'm usually going yeah, whatever, you just want the regular money. greg: is my problem with panera, kat. it's like switzerland of restaurants. it's a public place where you go to have interviews or break up with someone or to have coffee with someone as a favor that

from my past, you want to meet for coffee because they need something from you? totally out of sync with society. they have bread bowls. we are now in a low-carb, high-protein, high-fat world and to be feeding carbohydrates into an american public is killing them. kat. >> sometimes i go there by myself. i got in huge trouble because i was using all the bandwidth to watch the line in the corner and eat my bible. greg: you're the crazy dateline lady. >> one 100%. i figured out what happened where these losses weren't coming from people who couldn't pay for it. it was punk high school kids who had just gotten their driver's license and their punks and when they hear pay what you want they hear free broccoli cheddar soup. where we going? we are going to pay her a. [cheering and applause]

i figured it out. greg: i can't do broccoli and cheddar. or at least part of me can't do it [-left-square-bracket that was terrible. allie? how ironic they make bread but couldn't make bread. >> while they made some bread because i'm impressed they got 85%. that's surprising. if you look around, people suck. i thought they'd walk in and say free food. i'm a amazed and lasted that long. does anyone have that faith in mankind? greg: nami. >> nami. >> people do have pride. unless there from a [bleep] country. greg: pete, thought? >> there always making hand over fist except if they're only making a 5% that making a small

profit which means a profit actually matter to companies which in socialism profits don't matter at all so i don't know what their experiment was to begin with. i'm going to throw this unit of unicorn ball at the camera. greg: there we go. they also picked a wealthy neighborhood over a poor one. why? they wanted to make more money. they were pretending to be good but in fact they were playing off the guilt of the elite liberals. >> they came in and pay double to make sure they complete the extent worked and it still didn't work. greg: i don't know. again, i don't understand the concept of panera. why are we still eating bread bowls? >> because they are good. greg: no, no, you realize the nutritional pyramid was a lie. everything about it is alive. >> i don't care about nutrition. i'm not trying to live on. greg: you will when you are trying to live long like my age. excellent point. [laughter] it is true. >> no, you are right it's a 100%

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