if you can't watch, set your dvr. thank you for watching. see you next saturday night. rorororororororororororororororr truth, justice and the american way. >> this is atomic number 24. you need crummy and to make stainless steel and you also need it for chrome plating and even if you like what you probably would not be psyched to live next to your kids near a command smelter. >> chromium. >> chromium. >> chromium plant. >> chromium plant. >> next time you see chrome plated, take a deep breath, cough it out and think of the trump snow. greg: back to tom, how does she do that?

[applause] it is hard to believe it's the one year anniversary of trump's inauguration. we go live to media outlets around the globe. >> that is pretty rough for them. trump merrily rolls on. first there was physical that turned into the most transparent examination of world leader in history. >> can you assess the presidents mental physical? >> the president appeared to slur his words were giving an address -- did you look into what the cause of that might have been at all? >> does he have heart disease? >> are you pulling out early onset altheimer or dementia like symptoms? >> high cholesterol, any concerns? >> how a guy eats mcdonald's and

drinks diet coke and never exercises is in as good a shape as you say he is in the truck greg: there's a healthy group. here's a video that is missing of his digital rectal exam. what do we learn? top is in better shape than anyone on the planet. >> some people have great jeans and i told the president if he had a healthier diet of last year's he might live to be 200 years old. greg: 200? technically, that means trump is five years old right now. that doctor kiss ass. he is so good he should have his own show. >> this tuesday, he is the doctor who breaks hearts as he meant them. he can remove your appendix but tickle your funny bone. >> if something should happen to you, most likely i will be the one called to come to give you. >> now with or both, high blood pressure and chronic awesomene

awesomeness, 22 years of medical practice meets the crisp or on life support. >> the president would be clinically obese if he was just an inch shorter which he probably is. >> they tried his patience over his most important patient but when breaking news makes a house call will journalistic integrity be left in the waiting room? >> there is no question that by all standards and metrics the president does have heart disease. >> admiral doctor bonnie jackson stars as doctor brock artery. john roberts is professor clive. bedside manner, don't miss the seasons career, i see you in my dreams. [cheering and applause] greg: i get that pretty thumbs-up. the good news wasn't enough for some. >> the president has heart disease, and those numbers qualified him for heart disease

and it clearly needs a plan to try to prevent some sort of heart problems on the road. greg: weight, there is the lead. cnn finally admits trump has a heart. [laughter] of course, all this good news on unnerved beavis and butthead. >> he sounded like a sycophant, not a doctor. >> i'm sure he's a great position, blah, blah, blah. he works in the white house where just about everybody who makes a public statement life. greg: what is he doing? they are like that couple that you get stuck next to at a wedding reception table and they make you want to not your own face-off. [laughter] look, when you're calling the same doctor who worked for president obama a hack, you lost the plot. which is why the fix is award was the timing as the press gave trump physical, he gave them one right back. turns out, he's a way better

shape than they are. how ingenious was it to have the media cover their own report card. we break in with this breaking news, we suck. [laughter] speaking of report cards, how is trumps after one year? the economy is way up in isis is way down. if you stop there, i will take it but jobless claims are lower than 1973 and i believe we have footage of your 401k construct took office. trumps tax plan was so good that even apple is offering bonuses and bringing thousands of new jobs to the us. watch them try to admit it. >> there are large parts of this the result of the tax form and there are large parts of this that we would have done in any

situation. greg: shows come out and say. the guys you can't stand did some good. i know it is painful to credit someone you hate. the media tech companies are like children in highchairs, shaking their heads at the trump been some their vegetables. yet, it is bad but it is good for you. anyway, what did we get admits this good news? blake. >> the enemy of the people was how the president of the united states called the free press in 2017, mr. president, it is a testament to the condition of our democracy that our own president uses words infamously spoken by joseph stalin to describe his enemies. greg: very moving but very false. blake's attack was actually big news because trump never said the media was the enemy of the people, he said fake news was the enemy of the people. that is no small change for to set a source line that sets the story line.

he reminds the reporters that they are important for the people the report on. no wonder why they are passed. here's my when your assessment. if trump can just control himself might end up being a figure for the ages for the entire planet is feeling his impact every day. they are talking about him in the jungles of borneo, like him or not, take a freeze-frame of right now. he's the most important person on earth by keeping him on the toes, so are you, and that a big news. [cheering and applause] let's welcome, tonight's guests. i can get behind his legal mind, his latest book is called trumped up, harvard law professor emeritus, alan or switch. [cheering and applause] she is so bright the sun and sends her hate mail. wall street journal reporter,

shelby holiday. [cheering and applause] she is the feisty dame thanks every thing is to blame. captains. [cheering and applause] and innertube is his pinky ring, former guard and my massive sidekick, tyrus. [cheering and applause] professor, you can comment on anything but i want to pose a question. despite all these missteps that are happening constantly when you step back there seems to be a path of commitment which to me is astonishing that given all the stuff going around -- it's like a drunk man walking a straight line in an earthquake. it's like both facts are canceling the sold out so he walks a straight line. does that make sense? >> no. [laughter] greg: thank you. >> first of all, i'm still trying to get my head behind what donald trump would look like in 2147 when he turns 200

and you have to promise to put him on the show with his walker and he will come in and will look back and look, i think this is been a very, very next year. there are some very bad things, statements he made about african countries that is simply inexcusable, as the grandson of immigrants came from or considered as whole countries back then and have accomplished a lot, he should never judge people on the basis of national origin. i don't like how he deals with immigration and the way he deals with foreign countries but on the other hand i like the fact that he has the peace process moving a little bit in the middle east and maybe the recognition of jerusalem finally pushed the palestinians to come to the bargaining table, mixed record on judicial payments, mostly i don't like them but a couple of them are not so bad. it's a mixed record for me. i would say more on the negative

and the positive side but he has three more years. fiction, only three more years. in three years he will. [crowd boos] greg: this is a professor. >> i like him a lot. >> here's a statement. he says i don't know why any president thanks it takes eight years to save our country. i have done more in four years than any president since george washington. i don't see any reason to take any additional four years. i can go back to the private sector and really help make america better. greg: this is a good point. it didn't take him that long to [inaudible] in new york. he could get this thing done and he'll go do something else, i guess, is your point to make it like my grandmother said, sleep fast we need the beds. [laughter] he can get it done in four years, hey, he will not run a second time. greg: shelby, i have a theory that will play out the pastor is

that he is a jerk but a lot of times your boss is a jerk and he gets stuff done. what is your take on this? >> he got a lot done. i just produced a video for "the wall street journal" and i felt like the dryer on the [inaudible]. to recap a year in four minutes was nearly impossible but also amazing to watch the market continue to go up, president trump makes controversial comments but he's also a big cheerleader at times when things are going well but the market keeps going up so i think that is a huge take away and shouldn't be ignored. i do have a bone to pick the big news work. you cannot come out with big news ward and have the number one fake news issue be an op-ed, loomis. that's not a reporter, that is not news, you are undermining your entire point. greg: but you over my it when you pick [inaudible] because he boy does he deserve it. >> but he is not his. greg: he's an opinion maker that

everyone respects the matter how crazy he is. >> but why not call it big media awards. , also, you better things to do. greg: i get your point. cat, i want to talk to you about the health thing but you can talk with everyone. he has that guy up there for an hour with doctor dreamy answering everything. >> which is my nightmare. >> if i was ever in public office baby like she's crazy with industry minutes and i don't eat healthy and sometimes i eat don't eat until nighttime because i'm too anxious and i have 30 pairs of penguin socks which i wear year-round and i have a kat that sleeps in bed with me and if he doesn't, i can't sleep. i watch episodes of bob's burgers on loop every single day as i get ready and as i'm in the shower and i play it loud and the neighbor loves it. the lady come in as a witness on cnn that thank god we don't let tv doctors diagnosis. if you did, we'd all be screwed. greg: so true. tyrus, big ben is you. >> i'm stuck on the whole how

many penguin pair of docs? >> i've got 30 pairs from my auntie barbara, do you want to make fun of her? and uncle frank. greg: can't leave out uncle frank. what do you think? even if you're a supporter of trump you would deceive yourself if you don't admit there is a sense of chaos. you are in a bar in an old west hundred western wear at any moment things could start flying. >> well, yes and no. to go back to one thing, i actually was irked out of my mind with all the coverage when he passed his physical. it was a good enough and they kept looking for desperate look, how does he said, is he pronated, to the nails is there anything we can use to take against him and the best part was and i believe them nameless because i'm sure it's shaming but these really, really, chubby reporters at cnn sit in chairs

and tables and when the camera angles turn you see the bellies are talking about him and calling him obese. that was hilarious. everyone in america is damn near obese, if you do it right and i should be in a walker in my 600-pound life and waiting for big macs but it's amazing to me that the people who were talking about him there was no mere in cnn -- he's an old man, of course he'll have a little ben, he's an old man but he's fine and past physical, move on. greg: you know it is funny? [cheering and applause] greg: i am jealous of the term can eat whatever he wants. he's not personal trainer healthy that you see everywhere, personal trainer healthy their muscular but all they do is eat like string kale but he is dockworker healthy which is like he eats anything he wants but could is the head of the deer. >> grumpy old man.

bacon, beer everyday. >> reflects a serious problem that we are trying to apologize political differences. greg: that's your book. >> now were trying to apologize him but republicans did the same thing. when hillary clinton trimmed going into that car people were diagnosing her look how sick she is, not qualified to be president. greg: they were right though. >> was cut that out and -- [cheering and applause] greg: it is a good point. it's a fair point. of next, fire and. but will now be a tv movie. i hope i get to play the stormy daniels. daniels. [cheering and ♪ with expedia, you can book a flight, then add a hotel, and save. ♪ everything you need to go. expedia

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with speeds up to 20 times faster than the average. that means powering more devices, more video conferencing, and more downloads in seconds, not minutes. get fast internet and add phone and tv for only $34.90 more per month. comcast is building america's largest gig-speed network to give small businesses more. call 1-800-501-6000 today. greg: like crap to a latrine, it had to the screen. this week it was announced michael best-selling book fire and fury would turn into a tv series. i'm not sure that is a good idea. i've written books and done tv shows and tv exist to make books more interesting. had he make trump more interesting than trump? how will they make a tv version that is more interesting than the real thing. the guy is a walking blockbuster

and so good luck to them but i don't think fire and fury will work on tv. i am teaching a competing show called fire and furry. here's a clip of the pilot episode. [speaking in native tongue] they are delicious. shelby my theory is that how can you make what is really happening better without making it up. >> i have no idea. you never see nonfiction become something funny or comical, all i can picture in my head is deep for some reason. something totally bananas. he said we just don't see that happening in at the nonfiction book but you never know. i just think it will be hard to do whatever you trying to do. greg: alec baldwin does trump

with a ream of writers. a team of writers and trump is funny about that. he is real but you. the books and movies and could you do this? >> only on one condition. if you could get trump to play himself. greg: yes. [cheering and applause] >> then it could be a great start. and think of the career he has ahead. >> and if you get him to follow the script. greg: he's be the first on at worst actor. he be like -- >> then you get the stormy daniels to play himself. greg: i want to do the hotel scene three times to get it right. tyrus, i only bring -- i got this article on my affair with donald and you think that should be a part of this? >> why not? that's the only may be, true, think about the whole situation so it's literally memoirs of an angry dannon. the movie will be him pouting in

the office next to the big office will they have a meeting? i'm going to tell. i mean. what kills me about the whole thing is there putting he paid off a porn star for having an affair. would it been better if she'd been a housewife of five? would that have been a better affair? ass. greg: i didn't look at it that way. >> has an affair with a -- well that's fine. just keeping it real if i was looking at extracurricular go to a pro will not want to date or graduate or call me all the time. i'd probably would go that route. not saying i would, it's apprehends full and i'm not saying he did either but fellows, women, hear me now, if you're going to go sneak around are you speak around with someone who will come home. or you find a professional who has a medical record and everything will be fine. greg: . it's a good point. if you're a golfer, you would place a professional golfer

rather than -- >> if you got a ticket, go to the dentist. [laughter] greg: i don't even know what that means. >> part of the book could make a decent series is the three groups in the white house, the bannon group, the ivanka trump and jared group and the republican group that was an insightful. greg: over rosa, she was her own group as no one likes her. she brought her friends over to check the rooms. kat, where you see this going? would you watch? >> only under one condition and i have the perfect person to play trump, on the screen pleas. right? [laughter] they have the same hair and a look-alike in the of the same scalawag attitude and the fire in it. book we keep the part about eating [inaudible] all the

problems in the white house is because trump needs kat. get with it, greg. greg: the could only work if they did it real time in 24. they'd have to do it at night and then have to replay the events of the day with actors. they'd have to do exactly the same thing, real life is better than whatever they're going to offer. >> i will stick my face in a beehive then play bannon stick. greg: stick my head in a beehive? >> this is amazing. greg: still to come, a week ago hawaii told them million people they would die but now the story is already in the trash. up

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i marianne rafferty, now back to the greg gutfeld show. greg: contrary to the alarm no one bought the farm. remember that alert that went out in hawaii? everyone was told the ballistic missile was heading towards them. they were put through 38 minutes of sheer hell and then they were told it was a mistake. that only happened seven days ago. it is forgotten as if decades past.

>> beautiful hawaii, nothing but long beaches and smiling faces. not back in the year 2018, back then technology was primitive to say the least. one unlucky guy clicked the wrong button and panic. the emergency management panic set an alarm about ballistic missile coming in and everyone hightailed it for cover. as for the employee, he's been reassigned at least they didn't go out the bank. [laughter] greg: so, why has the story fallen so quickly under the radar track for one thing, you can't blame trump for it although some have tried with every fiber in their yogurt fed teen discant i talk to it it is not a story. what if parents pay their children down manholes in place for absolving flocks of people of their sins and families were tearfully saying goodbye to each other? the president said a naughty

word and that is all that mattered. for more on the hawaii story let's see what others are reporting. >> i don't know, i can't see him. greg: it all goes back to the tiki doll, doesn't it? tyrus, i can't believe that we don't -- this is just because it was a false alarm were not taking it seriously. >> you know the part that is bothering me is it took 38 minutes. greg: yes, and a new five minutes before that ballistic missile, that should be national security, i don't think your local state should be taking care of that obviously but in those 38 minutes to know how many marriages were ruined -- you know in that moment where you're like i never liked her mother to back.

>> i'm the only one in the panel old enough to remember duck and cover. when i was a kid we were scared out of her wits the russians were going to come to they were going to blow us up but we would be safe because got on her knees under our desks and played. that brought back these terrible, terrible memories. greg: it was nuts. shelby, my wife was there and thank god i wasn't because i am the worst. i would have covered myself in slow-moving elderly. i would have i would've been like they would have been a shield. >> are you insulting me here? come on. [laughter] >> he's the guy who i do apologize after the false alarm. honey, dear, i'm sorry. greg: yeah, i leave the family behind. i was going to look for help. >> yes, you can't really imagine what is like to be there. clearly this had no business being near a button when we've heard so much about big, powerful funds.

there are a few things that were really scary that came out of this news. they reported that according to a man who is contracted by dhs to study the wireless alert it could take 30 minutes for other states to write and blast a message about a missile. that is a problem we should fix. a nationwide system for mobile devices never been tested. these are things that seem so simple and the fear is that we have moved on so quickly from the news will they ever be fixed. greg: we move we. think about the biggest shooting. we act like that happened ten years ago. we still don't know what the hell happened to, you disagree. >> yes, i don't think there should be warnings at all. why? if you will get missile bomb to death what will you do about it? get a raincoat so you don't get

wet? stop up on canned goods you will never get a chance to eat those canned goods. there's nothing you can do. why not just let people live and once i get you're not. greg: this is an interesting point. best response i heard is the husband of my wife's friend. they were there for her but they party and he is russian and everyone is panicking and people are crying and his wife's crying and he says go back to bed. if you wake up, all good. [laughter] and you can't get better than that. you can't get better than that. >> that is one cool dude. greg: i have to say i love hawaiian shirts but it's weird when the adding national press security conference and, to throw a tie over hawaiian shirt? i don't get it. anyway, i don't get it and i love pointers but at a -- love them. >> does not in a serious meeting. greg: is incredible. you can wear them anywhere. coming up, north korea has olympics either. north and south are joining hands to win a few metals or die trying. seriously, if you lose, you die. that is next. [cheering and applause]

greg: there dear leaders sending the cheerleaders. north and south korea will march together under a unified flag at the winter olympics. they have even agreed to build a women's ice hockey team. they will also send 230 cheerleaders to their death but a foreign minister says the world should not be so naïve about the north's participation adding quote i believe north korea wants to buy time to continue their nuclear programs. meanwhile, an american expert on north korea may have come up with the best bloodied nose option for a military strike against kim jong-un. blow up his personal toilet. apparently all the pictures of kim jong-un and at missile launches have one thing in common. take a look at the back left of

this picture. his porta potty is always nearby. as jeffrey lewis explains taking it out will send an unmistakable message, we can kill you while you are dropping a deuce. [laughter] i am never pooping again. as for the olympics they have added a new sport that promises to be a huge hit. ♪. greg: i would say that blows, but that is too obvious. kat, thoughts on this fascination plot or pseudo- plot? >> as funny as bombing a toilet would be, and it would be, it could be seen as an act of war and if they were to retaliate i would hate for the reason that there was no more new york city or no more los angeles to be, we thought bombing a toilet would be funny. greg: true. don't base foreign-policy on a really cool joke.

>> yeah, as cool as it would be, it wouldn't look very good in history books. they thought it would be funny. greg: professor, to the elements help foster diplomacy between adversaries or does it only help rogue nations like north korea to put up polished based on their misery? >> if you go back to 1936 where the world welcomed hitler and the nazis and allow them to disqualify jewish runners and hitler wouldn't shake hands with jesse owens and all of that, it can be used as a terrible, terrible show of helping tyrannical regime. on the other hand, it also, look, think of how many cheerleaders will go back to north korea? i hereby offer to represent any of them want to defect. [cheering and applause] anyone who wants to do that, i'm their lawyer. greg: here is the reason they will not back. each of those cheerleaders families are probably in a room,

right track there in a room and if you don't return their casserole for the starving citizens. i hate to say it but there are reports that there is bad dietary -- >> is in the burgers contract. greg: yeah yeah, yeah. >> when you read the headline it sounds silly there's a huge group of cheerleaders and cheerleaders are considered full [inaudible], they are the army of beauties and are meant to go out there and the rest of the world to pretend they are peacemakers to show how innocent and soft regime is the most famous alumni is his wife. they're not necessarily trying to defect. greg: i didn't even know he was married? >> married a cheerleader like everyone else. [laughter] greg: they always married the cheerleaders. [laughter] terrorists? is this a way for kim jong-un

and to put off stop or delay while he was with weapons? >> also at the same time one of the things that has happened for him and his country is with getting sparring with the president of the united states and the leader of the world he has the spotlight right now. chances are if he didn't have the interactions he's had with president trump not of this would be happy right now. greg: i think you're right. >> he's playing at the beginning. every one of those cheerleaders, have a reason to come home, several reasons. once they get over there and they see a warm bed and three hot meals, free speech, tv, i don't know if you've ever been to the olympic it's like a little city. there is a whole lot of fun going on and stuff. greg: it's been a while since i've gone. >> a good friend of mine, mark henry, world service man goes

the stories from his olympics back in the day i like to do even have energy to lift. they're partying in meeting everyone and. greg: there was a lot of clean and jerking going on. >> you are ruining the story and i'm talking about sharing ideas, dirty little old man. i got all manslaughter on but you should have it on. [laughter] >> when you stop attacking all men? [laughter] greg: still to come, new california wants to become the 51st state but why stop at 21 and less at the moon while we're at it. [cheering and applause]

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greg: wouldn't it be great to have the first date? i speak of the new california movement which seeks to create a new state bicep relating california's rural areas from its metropolitan goes. its founder is really just two guys fight over taxation, regulation and mono party politics is the reason for the split. these are all the reasons for pulling out. california was once -- [laughter] stop it. i lived in california and it was once a pretty cool state you had the film industry, orange gross, giant redwood trees, the modesto

nuts, the minor league baseball team, they don't talk to me anymore. now it is let itself go. an elegant gentleman has become your fat drunk uncle who can't even develop his own pants. the founders of new california formally declared independence this week. i believe the tape of their presentation. >> san diego, los angeles, san francisco, this part of the line is hundreds of miles of worthless plots of land. this happens to be owned by luther incorporated. greg: wow. i didn't know superman was in deliverance. [laughter] california has gotten too big pressure. imagine siamese twins. one of your twins got really, really fat and you go like okay, it is time to split. for calling the doctor. >> there are people in california who want to have not have a separate state. they want to succeed and have a separate nation.

they would be the seventh eighth largest economy in the world. they would be among the top population nations in the world. and they could legalize marijuana without any concern to the federal government in the world. [laughter] greg: shall be, this could be a great contest to see, you have the two states split, which one would do better? one with free-market like free-market free mind mentality that professor is discussing or big government intrusion of the other kind of california. >> that is a good question. this is what happens when you overtax your citizens, can't balance your budget, people get frustrated and want to leave but if you look at the plan that these new california guys use its a five page sloppy pdf. it looks like something a third grader put together so i think they have a ways to go in filling in the details convincing people at the good ideas. and all the wealth is on the coast. they would have a bit of a

reality check when they realize that the resources are. >> but have it was our declaration? one sheet. >> but it was a much more intelligent she. greg: i think it was written on a cocktail napkin. >> you're right. greg: everything good is written on a cocktail napkin. tyrus? >> what you want me to follow up? i grew up in california and i'm still a californian and i grew up with this constantly. at one point northern california was passed because southern california was taking water and they wanted to split in the northern and southern california and then some genius came up with the six states that will have six new states of california and texas did this two years ago texas wanted to see because it seems like whenever someone doesn't get their way they want to -- this is way america is now. when you don't get your way you pack your bags only. greg: they're still saying of the estate. [inaudible conversations]

greg: they're not moving out of the house beginning their own room. >> but it's not the way i like it so i think -. greg: as a californian i am tired of california when i go there. it's like people -- i had to move out of california because i couldn't afford to live there. i couldn't afford to buy the house i grew up in. >> but what did you do? did you move to new york? greg: i moved. >> the thing is in america your 49 other choices. greg: the moral is you got to move, kat. >> is on my question? greg: yes, virginia split off from virginia and became west virginia, right to. >> maine and massachusetts. greg: dakota fanning left north dakota. >> it blows my mind the pdf that there are actually people out there who are spending their time doing this. greg: really? you can spend time on worse

things. >> one 100%. that is my point. these people must have no psychological, no social thomas to deal with and they must have other lives. gets and spends her free time thinking i would like to make a pdf about creating my own state and i'm going to do it. greg: i like these people. the best people. >> have them on the show interview them. greg: you know what, you're right. >> let's get to the bottom of this. >> is anything better than i could -- >> if they don't like your questions, fill form their own greg gutfeld show in the corner. [laughter] greg: don't laugh at that. final thoughts, if you leave now, i will place all your relatives with exact because. - honey, remember to slaughter the tomatoes

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greg: i will see you monday on the five at 5:00 p.m. eastern. we are running out of time and so -- all right, professor. >> in my book trumped up i argue to return us to the center. let's move away from the extremes, the left is turning too far left, some on the right are turning too far right and let's return to the days where center is conservative can argue with center and ask what is best for america, not what is best for the right or the left. [cheering and applause] greg: i think trump will be a centrist. i think he always has been because he moved all over the place. anyway, shall be. >> for my final thought i'll go back to the beginning of the

shepherd you said if trump can control himself he could be a great president and i think that is a big key and people don't to take it seriously but after producing this video of the year of trump, i truly think if trump can get his act together on twitter and not say offensive things and not pick so many fights we could have a great year. greg: yes. all right. tyrus. >> i had a busy week. i had to be skittering to come out, monster movie and if you want to laugh you see that, russell peters and john malkovich in super con and we turn to impact wrestling where i might [inaudible], check that out. [applause] greg: busy man. last word to you, kat. >> i've been having a rough time and had a rough day and went home though and found out there was kat vomit all over my apartment so i was like at least i have a purpose in life. got to clean that up. greg: that is great. all right. [laughter] kat vomit. that should be the name of your show, kat vomit. shelby, professor, tyrus, kat, i'm greg gutfeld, i love you,

america. [cheering and applause] >> a government shutdown as the president marks his very first year in office. congress failing to reach a spending plan, effectively stopping government. good evening everyone, i am julie banderas. you are watching the "fox report weekend". lawmakers scrambling to negotiate a deal to get the government up and running but the effort seems to be overshadowed by a political blame game. republicans ramping up their attacks on democrats >> the vote for they are there the president was ready. the solution to this manufactured crisis was inches away.