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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  April 1, 2018 1:00am-2:00am PDT

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>> i didn't think we get to the point where you had putin saying it's as intense as it was is the 80s. i heard it called a hot piece. >> that's a good way to describe it. >> yes, hot piece. you have to love dana. [applause] hollywood is shaking in their reboots. roseann's new debut had over 80 million viewers. almost twice the show.
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[laughter] guess where roseann scored the highest? tulsa, oklahoma. that is literally the middle of america. think about it. if tv were archery roseann hit the bull's-eye. >> he talked about jobs, jackie. he said he would shake things up. >> have you looked at the news now things are worse. >> [inaudible] the real news. >> see what i mean? >> greg: the roseann is a trump in the sister is a resistor. the show did not alienate half the country which is maybe white scored big. we all have the family member we would rather not talk to when the discussion turns to politics. mine is in a cage i built out of rec room bones. in roseann's house she has done
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some very, very strange things in her past. maybe she's trying to make up for by creating a showed to pull people together rather than apart. coming out is pro- trump in hollywood is like coming out like a fish in a bear sanctuary. that wasn't the only really do. consider cnn he said -- oh stop it -- they said enough with foreign-policy in it and national defense, we want to make over. we are now the new weather channel, all stormy, all the time. [applause] much like roseanne, this reboot hinges on one woman. i don't blame cnn. when things are tough you have to go with what they know and they know stormy the back in front of their hand. but cnn, at least be honest about it. when your news has gone from hard to semi- hard, that rebate
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needs a rebrand. luckily we got a sneak peek. it's great. >> are you ready for the most informative news programs on cable? you will love the new primetime lineup. at eight, it's breaking news hour. >> was stormy daniels. >> don't miss the market report. >> was stormy daniels. >> or maybe you're hungry for the latest on capitol hill. at ten get information. >> and for you night owls you can get -- with jake tapper. it's a new primetime lineup. >> the hottest channel. >> had watched. every minute of it. of course that is not all cnn covers, just feels that way.
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we covered reboots that work and reboots that don't, let's talk about what is incapable of rebooting. >> i was really struck by how people said that to me, mostly people and the press. for whatever reason like go aw away. i had a young person work for me go back into research, they never said that to any man who is not elected. >> greg: because none of them called the state backwards for voting for the other guy. hillary just can't reboot. like when you get an air message on your computer and you shut it down any think it'll be gone see power it up, but it's still there. hillary, you can't reboot her or boot her. the challenge is, what you do in the country is back on its feet and you still want to report the bad stuff?
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you need people who will say what they want to say even when they don't mean it. you need more than a reboot, you need a robot. >> his hesitation to say anything is just insane. >> to find your favorite anti- trump talking heads winded and boring? our highly trained scientist has all this with quality assurance. it simplified rhetoric that calls for 45's impeachment. >> trump colluded with russia. he is a clumsy -- he obstructed justice. >> he is not mentally unfit, he is physically unfit. he is an adult or. >> everybody knew about that one. >> let every cable tv show that
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once an anti- trump 3000 can have one. >> they have grandfather hard of hearing mode. >> donald trump is very bad. he is very bad. he is very bad. >> so order yours today. >> very bad. very bad. [applause] >> greg: well done. all the stuff the media keeps throwing at us, collusion, dementia, his family and diet, it's my computing. what's necessary is a total reboot of the heart, if only they had one. >> let's welcome tonight's
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guest. he has more sense than the kids piggy bank. candace owen. [applause] >> greg: he's produce more hits than snow dog. rob law. [applause] >> greg: he once called animal control and the easter bunny. national review reporter cat. and finally his dinner plate can pick up all the major-league baseball channels. tyrus. [applause] what you take of the cnn coverage so far of stormy daniels? is it pertinent or just pernicious? >> it's interesting. i don't understand how it's a new platform. when he showed is accurate. she is running the cnn network in the democratic party. she's gone quite the raise and
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promotion. >> good for her. >> could she be in the are of the woman, 2020 running for office? >> should have a better chance than hillary clinton did. >> greg: i think bill would like that they should run together. poor bill. rob, your film producer or so you tell people. you are doing cheers and kevin can wait, there's one in between how is hollywood taking this roseanne resurgent's? are they learning anything? >> hollywood is the place you learned the wrong lesson all the time. right now they're celebrating. it's a gigantic audience right now she brought the sitcom back and gave abc huge lift.
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but they're looking around for more comedies that are relevant. it's wrong to decide that what made roseanne popular is that she's pro- trump. the show itself is mixed and balance. but it's relevant. and it's funny, it's not quirkier hipper clever just funny. she's a funny person. she and her sister argue in a funny way. it's what everybody wants in a half-hour comedy. >> it does remind me a bit of all in the family. that makes roseanne archie. >> all in the family was designed to be a show where archie learned a lesson about the progress of modern politics. instead everyone who watched the show was like archie's a hero. he bought the house in world war ii and these can look like an absurd hippie. archie was a hero.
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when he is watching he realized he did it wrong. >> the villain became the hero. do you think the show will heal us or do you think hillary will divide us? >> first of all, i hate most things, but i cannot hate roseanne. i loved it. i thought it was really good. as for hillary, whining about the sexism thing and say nobody ever told the man to go away, i don't think i've ever seen anybody, male or female continue to have nothing to say but still be up there same things. [applause] is just a sexism thing for this reason i lost is not my fault, those are things you tell a therapist not a tv camera. >> also it's not true.
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they say that every candidate. they said it to mitt romney they set it to michael dukakis, that's what they say to the loser. >> greg: tyrus, give me your deepest thoughts. [laughter] >> no, i am going to get in trouble. >> you made an interesting point, he said citizen and that's true. our president is a citizen. so he's going to make citizen mistakes. it is not to become a lawyer priest to cover up what he did 12 or 15 years ago and i have the inside information on why he has not responded about stormy. do you want to know? because his lawyer had a nondisclosure agreement and when
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he sign it you don't talk about it because if you talk about you break the agreement. [applause] and the sad thing right here he makes the tape she's gonna sue her attorney because he is breaking the agreement that she signed so whether he is wrong or right, if the president is wrong for whatever happened they had an agreement, his lawyer signed it he's third-party and i've done security we've had the same non- disclosure agreements. while he he's the only one in the news now. he's a natural to a strip thing that cnn was advertising. >> our flight leaves in two
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hours. >> the sadness is the victim will be stormy because she'll get it with the bill and then her lawyer will hit her with a bill. >> greg: and then there's bill clinton. he will be hitting on her. >> i have a prediction that hillary is not going away and shall be running in 2020 because she has nothing to lose except another election which she is already done. it's better than making redundant speeches while your husband leads leaves was of kleenex around the house. >> i think so keep going. >> i hope she'll keep going. trump should put her on salary. >> before we celebrate she lose by that much.
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he is not a popular president. most unpopular president at his point in his term. he needs a little less of his supporters talking about how great he is he's been a disaster for his party. we talk about how great he is maybe you need to give him the spanking that he clearly likes. >> i do think the gun issues going to get people off the sofa when people weren't. the second amendment could save him. >> don't move. we have more to come. will the president by money to buy the border wall. check under the
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>> greg: he's still giving hisa. washington post reported that he's pushing for them to build the wall. the pentagon confirmed that he spoke with james madison about using defense funds to do that. last week trump signed the $1.3 trillion government spending bill into law. it included 1.6 billion for the
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wall. short of what he wanted. he later suggested that the military could spare a few bucks, at least i think that's what he said. he exclaimed build the wall through m. maybe am stands for military were meatballs. build the wall out of meatballs. [applause] that the veal. meanwhile officials voted to join a federal lawsuit against the sanctuary city. the band them from notifying immigrants when they're about to be released. for more let's go live to the border where mike is testing out a wall prototype. >> he is the best in the
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business. i have an idea, let's combine the team. if you want to live in a sanctuary city contribute to the border by help building the wall. >> i'm with that. >> i just want fairness. so if i commit a crime in wyoming and i get away with it in a run to california and get arrested if i was in a sanctuary city they couldn't do anything about it. >> that's true. if you are already committing a crime, if you're here without legal documentation that's a crime and you get arrested for something else, it seems fair to me they would be waiting for you when you get out to walk you back to where you belong. [applause] i don't see how you can have an
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argument any other way. >> cat, your huge fan of the wall. even same build the wall so what's next how do we proceed? >> was a little girl my parents told me i could get a bearded dragon if i kept my room clean. then i did. and then there like will take you to the reptile expo to look at them. i still remember that, data fear watching. you only a lizard. i know trump promised us a wall. and i don't think funding will be possible so we need to explore other ways to fix the system other than a wall. >> i think a wall can be part of it. it's a lawless idea that depends on the lawful to obey. you need to have border agents c can have this wonderful sanctuary city where everybody pics flowers together.
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>> i'm wondering if we have enough funding to build a wall around california. they become a disaster. >> greg: except for our california viewers. >> we can rescue them. build a wall around the rest and let hollywood and politicians celebrate the disasters they're creating around the country. [applause] >> rob you live in california, if you have a sanctuary city are we going to see a combination where it ends up like the road warrior meets lord of the flies. >> california has a huge economy. you can't really build a wall around it. cities are not allowed to have form policies unless it's game of thrones.
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the surprising thing about the left is they don't want the government to be restrained in any way except in the case of border security. there is favor of all sorts of things except for stuff like the army and things like that. >> i have a real working example of sanctuary. a new beach, in order for new beach to survive without the infiltration of malicious creeps and perverts you have hard circuit cured who are dressed and armed. don't ask me why know this. i spent one afternoon cleaning up a new beach. >> first of all, no.
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no one has ever drove by seen an attractive woman a bunch of guys reading your description waiting for woman to show up. it's really a cold office party. >> greg: in order for it to exist you need armed people to keep it freaks out. >> there's two kind of new beaches, nude beaches and the people who want to see new beaches. i'm really worsen the bearded dragon. >> greg: if you want to see a bearded dragon, go to a nude beach. >> i tried to stop them. >> i'm sorry. you know what i did, i took that carpooling to your joke. >> greg: i'm gonna shut up now because the other stories are great.
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the cheerleader scandal no one is talking about.
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to the greg gutfeld show. >> is filing the suit over suit. i speak of a new orleans saints cheerleader who is suing the team after being fired for posting a fire of herself in a one-piece outfit on instagram. bailey davis violated team
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photos. no neuter semi nude photos. she was accused of violating the strict anti- fraternization agency for attending up player with saints players. cheerleaders must leave a restaurant if a player walks in. >> we can speak to the players anything past good gamer hello. if her in a restaurant and they command we have to leave. if we are there first we still have to leave. >> if she is sitting in applebee's and the punter walks in, sorry, you have to take those extreme fajitas to go. for a punter. he's not even a real player. he just kicks the ball. stupid punter. yes punters, send me your letters. these are gender discrimination
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and need to be changed. meanwhile, a druggist now for the carolina panthers. >> greg: sub par cat, your member of the opposite sex, is it discrimination or just common sense? >> how is a common sense? being a cheerleader sounds like the worst job in the world. you have to smile a lot, you have to exercise, and your entire life we had is cheering for dudes who apparently you don't even know. i don't even know these people. i thought the only reason they're able to be so enthusiastic was because those were their friends.
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>> it's like the separation of church and state but with pom-poms. >> i feel like this was a bad time to announce i was a cheerleader throughout high school. i'm really tired of the theory of women agreeing to something and then going back on it. was that not in the contract when she signed it? i think the rules are ridiculous but there's this thing where women can sign a contract in and say nevermind. so you have to start taking responsibility and reading the contract. >> that's insane. >> whatever she agreed to was insane. if she didn't sign it there be a thousand women in mine who would sign it. i think the story hits on the science that the left denied it
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often overtakes the goals of the business. so i really discrimination, your keeping men and women apart so it doesn't create a problem. >> if football players can hang out with cheerleaders what's the point? >> i had to follow and adhere to the same rules and their great. do you know how many lawsuits therapy? there be so many issues of inappropriateness. there's a lot of aggressiveness. the rules are in place to protect the cheerleader. from being around a bunch of sweaty men who are button heads and being aggressive. the stops us from walking over and staying saying something
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inappropriate. this is to protect the cheerleader. they're separate. it's not there for you is there for the fans. you don't have to accept it or be a cheerleader for the sports organization, but across the board it's like that evening college. it was frowned upon. >> it gregg didn't hear anything except sweating men butting heads. >> is there for a reason. >> thomas has a great new book out they segregated irish protestants and catholics because of the violence in order to maximize profits. they didn't want these groups fighting. sounds like discrimination but the pigment was the same. in factories they separated men
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and women but it wasn't about friction is about fraternizing. if you keep them separate you get more work out of them. that's a universal truth. >> but the left isn't against it. they do like the idea of a protected class several about the right issue. the actual puritans of today there the left. >> on that note we must in the segment. >> pot fuse beers on the way.
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>> i love when beer was beer and pot was pot. garnish egg rug was a delicious butter chinos. cheetos.
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>> you love infusing stuff with stuff. >> right now i am completely infused with gin. >> gin is a vodka infused with herbs and botanicals. but it's stopping it. >> greg: botanicals is a nice way of saying shrubs. >> college what you want. it will not get through this hour if it's not infused with gin. >> i cannot see this, it seems -- is it too high? >> sorry about the short joke. >> germany infused a honey and marijuana. but it's honey and sweet and organic edible. beer by itself, the first time
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you have a beer it's a horrible experience. they let you drink it and it's like terrible. then you grow into it because beer is not actually a wonderful taste. if you read marijuana in your mouth it's not a good taste. this is probably going to taste terrible. >> why do we have to put pot into everything? >> i feel like it's a personality trait the people likes to mix things. it's better than tide pods. >> don't combine that with pot what are they tide pods.
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>> what i worry about is getting rid of hangovers. if you get rid of hangovers you run the human race. you have the stopgap to keep from drinking. >> the only reason i don't have 11 drinks every day. >> greg: what you stop that? >> i just don't get it. i would not want a marijuana beer. i drink beer to relax not have a panic attack and turn away all my family and friends with talk of the illuminati. but i kind of have to support it. >> this is a blue moon original. the same guy who convinced all of these to take a slice of orange and put it in the beer too. this guy is already a war criminal. >> greg: can i elaborate on why
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hangovers are so important? we had jordan peterson on last week and i believe the hangover is the perfect distillation of future consequences based on present behavior. we talked about to greg's last week. if present gregg cares about tomorrow gregg then he will only have three winds instead of 13. today and tomorrow's two different people. why would i want to torment future gregg the only way to do that is with the hangover. >> hangovers what you pay for today's pleasure. >> interesting, still to come, sean penn has written a book, technically. [applause]
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>> were waking up america telling them what's in the world. >> were able to tell the folks at home this is important and why you need to listen. we have an honest conversation about what's happening. >> the only way to be successful on foxes to be yourself. we do that
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you know what's awesome? gig-speed internet. you know what's not awesome? when only certain people can get it. let's fix that. let's give this guy gig- really? and these kids, and these guys, him, ah. oh hello. that lady, these houses! yes, yes and yes. and don't forget about them. uh huh, sure.
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still yes! xfinity delivers gig speed to more homes than anyone. now you can get it, too. welcome to the party.
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>> greg: like an obnoxious blast of in-flight diarrhea, actor sean really said novel include of bob honey, just to stop. that is just bad. the book is a trump era satire. i don't think i can do it justice if i read it. buckley i know a guy who can. >> page 99, while the -- the
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cyber assistant assault emboldened by right brain hollywood narcissist. >> i cannot get enough. >> page 94, silly questions to sever any last impression they may have had us a citizen. >> page 125. there is pride to be had by the prejudicial practice of precision. >> greg: i think i can say that sucks. rob, what he was doing as he had a thesaurus i was saying alliteration was clever. like a 14-year-old who just discovered if you take words us are the same consonant of all it's interesting. >> 14 is a generous number for you to pick. he knew it wasn't just the teleprompter.
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i love the idea the trump era satire. it's a little over a year and five more minutes. we say in the business. when something comes out too soon five more minutes on that. put it in a drawer and write it and then reread it. >> i don't think he could read. >> packers hand-in-hand with not being able to write. >> cat were you ever this bad when you started? >> i think the name of this book should have been i have no one in my life who loves me. [laughter] because if he did, then they would not have allowed this to happen. if i ever try to write garbage like this my father and friends would lock me in my room and
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would like me in my room until i agreed to go to rehab. >> your arrogance is a proportion with your experience. what did you think? >> i think he was a lot of marijuana beers in. the title tells you enough, you can even read it. >> the title suggests -- he probably had other choices. it doesn't mean anything, what is it mean to you? >> maybe that was the point. maybe he was like on you to write a book with words and they're going to buy it. at this point i could rip a dictionary out and say tyrus
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says because it's the same thing. either that is he was drunk and sauce shakespeare and thought i could do that. >> someone before shakespeare like chaucer and said i could do that a mini follow that through to edgar allen pull. >> wow, that made no sense. >> if you are stuck in helen had to read that covered cover or what happened bike hillary clinton covered cover which would you pick? >> what happened, because it's funnier. to better satire. >> herbal could be what happened in his book is what ate my bra
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brain. >> greg: to we have one final reading from luke? >> page 142, his dreams desert daylight diffusion and the void of visual detail. >> he makes anything terrible sound wonderful including that. our final thoughts
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>> greg: lc on monday. your final thoughts. >> thank you for having me. finally verified on twitter after a long and arduous battle. head over to my twitter and see why they did not want to give me that checkmark. >> greg: very entertaining. >> happy easter to everyone.
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>> tyrus? >> i should going to be beating up somebody this weekend? >> yeah, i'm going to beat up gregg. [laughter] >> instead of the easter bunny it could be the easter bearded dragon lizard. >> greg: today lay eggs? >> lizards play a. >> yes. >> you don't know anything about lizards. >> that's because my dad would let me get one. i know you're watching dad.
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>> happy easter everyone. molly is up next with the fox report. we will see you tomorrow. >> president trump wrapping up his immigration with the stage of governor harry brown. i am molly and this is the fox report. >> president/in out at the democratic governor and twitter, according to him of letting drug dealers off the hook. the latest in the back and forth with the golden state. lester governor brown's signed a law limiting cooperation with immigration. >> molly, president trump dug into the archives for his

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