greg gutfeld is coming up. i will see you next saturday night. thank you for watching. >> always good to see you. that's what you get for wearing my suit. i have a new do. it's hump day. what do you say? let's get after it. it's my birthday, not bad for anyone. get after it. greg: what the hell is it? [laughter] yes, yes, yes. all right. so, how was your week? anything good happened? anything at all? talk about -- >> slow news week with greg

gutfeld. greg: slow news week. i think it's the first one since november 2016. it's weird. we put the apocalypse on pause. [laughter] but what is the media do? they talk about themselves but is "the new york times" writer thomas freedman. [laughter] that was the wrong tape. in the paper, freedman said the media should stop reporting of stuff like a strong economy and spoke on drums personality. it would encourage republicans to ditch trump and that helps the democrat. he wrote -- hilarious. tom is telling the press to do what they are already doing. [laughter]

he's basically telling the morbidly obese to eat another pie. [laughter] i'm not even done. [applause] he's telling his wasted frat buddy to do another shot. he's telling a car starter for the mob to make worse lifestyle choices. [laughter] you remember what happened the last time the media covered every tweet, rally and reaction of donald trump? they elected the guy. [cheering and applause] there you go. it's like freedman got diarrhea from aaa and said that sucked and i'll have seconds. [laughter] there was a pile of candidates in the media and the only thought trump so the fault he thought trump was a joke to plan the public that joke kicked their ass. the media continues looking for the holy grail the destroys him

but where would they be once they find it? to cnn trump is a potato. a food you can make a thousand different dishes out of. cnn will do seven courses of, twice baked trump, trump au gratin, i get back to you about. the more you damn the guy, the better he gets. the guy who destroys start on hollywood walk of fame. liberals love that but conservative artists make up bunch of fake trump stars and stuck them all over. [cheering and applause] i'm proud. that's hilarious. what is more hilarious, conservative artist. [laughter] it makes no sense. it's like sexy birkenstocks. or a fresh smelling cap or an appealing bill diblasio.

[crowd boos] he's like lurch minus the charm. [laughter] you know, he didn't interview the guardian. the guardian is a newspaper meaning like diblasio is made from wood. [laughter] he said -- a tree is what he said it could move news corporation from the last 25 years of american history would be a more unified country. he thanks america would be better off without us. translation, please stop making fun of me. [laughter] sorry, it's not happening. bill. bill. [applause] bill, you are 10 feet a moron packed in a 7-foot body. if that idea were tiny liquor bottles to be the world's greatest minibar.

bill is so stiff john carey tells him to loosen up. [laughter] bill is so stiff every time he looks in the mirror he sees an open casket. [laughter] thank you. meanwhile in a cnn op-ed a professor said that if you think soldiers you should also do the same for jim acosta and the rest of the cast of cnn island. he wrote -- i would agree if you were talking about war correspondents they were still life but i don't think that's what he meant. i think he meant the people covering those evil trump rallies. maybe he's right. with the media needs is recruitment video. [laughter]

>> are you looking for a job? join the media. the only profession you can do hung over. that is right. lecturing america about the evils of donald trump. it's not like operating a forklift or performing surgery but in cable news all you have to do is stare intently and ta talk. it means with a job like this you can get wasted the night before, work on if you are sleep and feel like throwing up all day. you can show up speaking of bourbon and wear the shirt two days in a row and sleep in the company editorial closet. join the media were the only heavy lifting is a microphone

and your ego. [cheering and applause] greg: yes, true. it's true. why do you think i got into this line of work? for the free makeup? i like a drink. in the mornings i'm seated with hemorrhoids. i'm a miserable and stupid and should never be near heavy machinery and no light should be in my hands. i became a tv host and my how it is paid off. i get recognized in public bathrooms which is killed my sex life. [laughter] i hated that joke. let's welcome tonight's guest. by night he's a comedian and by day he's a guy telling people he's a comedian. his new album is called freeze comedy, joe devito. [cheering and applause]

if moppets made puppets of people you have comedian joe mackey. look at him. [cheering and applause] she sleeps on bird feathers because she loves feeling down. national review reporter kat sims. [cheering and applause] he's never won a game of limbo former wwe superstar and my massive sidekick, tyrus. [cheering and applause] joe, welcome to the program. you still have not shaved that weird. but that's okay. does this criticism affect tru trump? >> it's one thing he hates it's been in the news. cannot tolerate being the top conversation. he's calling plays from a game they're not playing anymore. trump is about the stuff you

can't catch them, they try to get a plan. the idea that the media is somehow is a threat to the first moment even in their coverage of this their still slanted. trump doesn't say i'm against the free press them against the fake news and free press. he says i'm against the bias coverage. he doesn't say he's against coverage. there's a big difference. the media can see the difference because are so close and they really think they're better than heroes which they are not. greg: they are trapped in a snow globe and can't see out of it. [laughter] mackey, what is in your brain right now? >> all ask joe here the thing that the media like the media is the pearl harbor of bad comparisons right there. [laughter] everyone is taking these internet efforts to seriously. if you're going to kill someone you don't tell them in advance. [laughter] i mean, what is not as important

as we think we are. president obama criticized fox news and no one's attacking tyrus. [laughter] if they attack me, tyrus has my back. [laughter] greg: tyrus, i do believe it's a fair trade that he has your back new line you got to keep score and count bodies in the alibi. phil talk to the police. greg: cap, your thoughts on the media and how it's going to far? tyrus: you know what? i didn't study. hold on. [laughter] where are we now, sorry, excuse me. it is getting to that part of the fight were the corner is telling you you want to go out there, i'll call it and throw the towel.

don't cut me, mick, i have one more enemy. the media has come down to will do more coverage. that's what it is. he is probably -- i like cameras and lights but president trump loves the camera and lights. i think it was socially defensible and mary a camera and lights. he enjoys it. one of the things about him still say the worst wrong thing on tuesday and i'll do that by tuesday. [laughter] greg: you can't keep up. he can turn a gaffe into a success. tyrus: he will make you famous. i would never know who this reporter is but he's making media people famous. they become part of the story which is against their greed is about. greg: kat, what you make of the commentary that you should think the media? especially in these times under trump -.

kat: i cannot understand the military computer. i'm in the media and i'm not a military caliber person. greg: no, you're not. kat: i'm not successfully done a push-up ever. [laughter] every time i've ever had to take a cold shower i behaved as though i've been personally victimized by the world. the only fighting ever done is done via text message. the military risked their lives to protect our freedoms and i said in a climate controlled building, get my hair and makeup done, but he does on and talk about stuff. it's not the same b5 no, it's not. [cheering and applause] greg: the walk of fame story, i love it. it seems like there's a change among young conservatives. they're doing prankster stuff and there are conservative artists. there are that they are out there. that is new, i think. tyrus: they are normal people.

what a great way to handle the situation. we would assume they'd grab a sledgehammer and mash up liberal stars but they did not do that. one more thing, there's no retakes on the battlefield. i'm sorry, the lighting is wrong let's do this again. greg: it's always life. tyrus: yeah, no retakes. greg: coming up, which hollywood star should run against trump, why not all of them? [crowd boos] i am all about living joyfully. the new united explorer card hooks me up. getting more for getting away. traveling lighter. getting settled. rewarded! learn more at theexplorercard.com

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had -- mac this habit he has going on and talking as the sky john baron or one of these characters i thought to myself this guy is certifiably insane. would you know that gets on the phone and pretends to be somebody else on this level and talks to a journalist to get information out? that's insane. we are having an experience with a guy who lies all the time. >> constantly. >> constantly in line to her face. greg: he reminds me of willie willy. it's the little thing you draw the beard on. [laughter] yeah, now you know. i'm like all those honest people in hollywood, spare me the pearl clutching. there's good news for these two. trump is halfway through his term you can keep bi tch ing in

the world or you can run against him. >> in 2016 it wasn't their time but with his victory the donald trump paid the way for the next outspoken former tv host to rise to the highest political office in the land? 2020 the democrats will unleash a new candidate, innovator, visionary, hero for the working class. her name is rosie o'donnell. this freshfaced ingénue has all the great qualities you want in a leader. she get's territorial. >> he pays people to show up at their realities. >> arm to the clearance of the message. >> he lives. he lies. he lies. >> shall not problem standing up to vladimir putin because she speaks russian. vote rosie o'donnell in 2020. hustle name that no one is

talking about. unless you meet her scrappy running mate will be running to the voting booth. [cheering and applause] greg: mackey, what you make of this idea? anything? >> rosie said trump is a terrible person with no soul and that sounds something trump would tweet about rosie o'donnell. greg: any thoughts about what the democrats would do? spin. >> every time i see an actress on cnbc the complaining about the president. it's not an award show. [laughter] greg: that's right. msnbc is like the oscars. cap, looking ahead, do you see this happening? kat: i would love that matter. rosie o'donnell is the trump of the left and a lot of ways. liberty power does not have political experience and she

also was to get into fights on twitter. i got into a fight with her on twitter. tyrus: oh, i remember. kat: all i did is say is that she should take a bath on "fox and friends". tyrus: yup. yup. kat: i said to relax. she said take a bath part and got mad at me. tyrus: i remember because -. kat: i would love and love you and hearing the spy but do not know what else to say. her and trump would be fighting on twitter and we were not need to have debate. it would be constant. greg: i think -- okay, trump one because of the contrast theory there were 17 people that looked exactly the same. tyrus: i don't know if that's true but let me look. [laughter] kat: did you meet about this beforehand? tyrus: no, i ordered three of these books so i'm going to use

them. i had to pay for my. [crowd boos] greg: this is about something. okay. one because he was so different and the different candidate from all the others. same thing with rosie. you have 17 democrats and rosie shall get a plurality justly trumpeted. makes sense? >> sure. [laughter] tyrus: there's any group deserving of destructive wrath it's -- yeah, it makes sense. greg: thank you. tyrus: this is the problem. she can't run for the democratic party. greg: why not? tyrus: because she's crass and rude and they don't like that. [laughter] if she says -- [cheering and applause] if she talks about his hair, his mama, if sheet that shames them which he better not but if she does those things they will ask her to step down yeah, the pc police, that's what they do. how many democrats who have said

or maybe been alleged of doing something are no longer here? republicans, go ahead, prove it. [laughter] even if they prove it, there like prove it again. [laughter] you can't run. he has no rules. he has no handcuffs. they had 50 shades of lockdown on the democratic party. greg: i bet he does have handcuffs. [laughter] tyrus: yeah, but he be like this. greg: hate. you get older, you got to spice it up. joe, your thoughts? >> at first i thought it was nice to see an anti- trump protest where they were singing show tunes instead of smashing windows and hitting people by clocks but then i saw showtunes and maybe it's worse but they're doing. [laughter] yeah, they don't seem to understand the presidency is not decided by who they like or who they think is legitimate. if system in place. we had an election.

results came in because they didn't like it, there's an idea that is not my present. no one cares. there's no offense of your president but the office of the president. if you have a problem -- [cheering and applause] greg: i always said that to the heaviest critics of obama. number one, he still your president and number two, if you don't like him, when the white house. >> and if you recall, who try to trick him by saying we respect the results of the election? they were so sure they would win but they said it must be because of russian interference. could there be a worse person to because of by? [laughter] someone who put their names on buildings, conspicuous. greg: though true. great point. i think there other problem is embracing old ideas is a can't find new ones.

they're searching the cushions of the couch and fighting fuzzy tums. >> do you mean bernie sanders? [laughter] greg: still to come, a segment of online dating. how is that for [inaudible] welcome! hi there. so, what do you look for in a vehicle? sleek designs. performance. dependability is top on my list. well then, here's some vehicles that deliver on that. woah! wow. oh jeez! that's our truck! it's our truck! and they're our cars! that's my chevy! chevy's the only brand to earn j.d. power dependability awards across cars, trucks and suvs three years in a row. awesome. i'm proud. it's like a dynasty. it's impressive.

marianne: live from "america's news headquarters". i'm marianne rafferty. chris collins is suspending his election campaign to be charged

with insider training this week. he denies the charges says the campaign suspension is in the best interest of present agenda in his party. he will fight the meritless charges against him and he looks forward to being cleared. turkey's president occurring accusing the us of waging economic war against his country. their marks for the turkish lira took another dive on friday. the currency is down more than 40% on the year. on top of that, the drop in ministration section turkey over the implement of an american pastor. the two sides held talks on the matter this week to build to come to a resolution. i'm marianne rafferty now back to the greg gutfeld show. greg: do threes go for nines when dating online?

a new study from the university of michigan, whatever that is, finds most people who use online dating sites seek partners out of their league. apparently both men and women pursue people about 25% more desirable than themselves. [laughter] which, i can't do. [laughter] find someone 25% more desirable than this? good luck. [laughter] people also sent lengthier messages. they send longer messages is the desirability of the other person rises which could explain why kill me send me that the page e-mails. [laughter] stalker. perseverance paid off says one researcher says people get replies from a mate who is out of their league. it makes sense. right jake?

[screaming] greg: lighting up there, jake. should've called him the next day. cap, don't know what that means? you don't do online dating but you get long letters from prison inmates. [laughter] if they shortened their letters would you consider dating them? kat: i am alone. [laughter] i thought this study was interesting because i prefer today below my league. greg: i noticed. kat: i am a nightmare and only people below my league will put up with it. [laughter] honestly, no one in or about my league will put up with me asking if he is dead every time he takes longer than five minutes to respond to one of my text messages. [laughter] dating in general is dumb. you sit there in a dark room

eating chicken and that's supposed to help you decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with them someday. [laughter] how does the asking questions like where are you from and what you do and tell me about your mother, please, it's so interesting that mac i don't know how i only have one feline. greg: i don't either. the poor cats. tyrus, any advice? tyrus: i'm a little afraid right now. well, man. it's that bad out there. you know, here's the thing about internet dating. i'm a hunter and i'd rather be out in the field but it's better when you get distant in person but everyone lies on the internet. most every woman picture is from when she peaked. [laughter]

talk about this >> interested to hear about the dark room with the kitchens. i did not know there was chicken available. who goes online to go lower than your league? you don't contact amazon and they give me less of a selection

in that site you go online but tyrus makes a good point. this woman scanned in polaroid in that technology did not even make it. [laughter] marianne: luncheon you did go blow your league you have a high success rate. fellows -- you would think. [laughter] maybe a handful of three fours and you put them together. >> there's a reason they find success. greg: joe, do you online date? >> i have in the past. you save the expert for last. that was mark. [laughter] the dating world of stuff especially for first date. you sit across from a stranger you really know having a forced awkward conversation after i already told her i love her. [laughter]

this study is on the money because when i was online dating most women who wrote me were aspiring models. but joe has a point. who does not try to overachieve when their dating? if you don't try to overachieve, what was the point of seabiscu seabiscuit? [laughter] >> who i dated for three and half weeks. greg: oh my god. tyrus: we've all seen catfish? every time they get dished they are over achieving. and unattractive person is trying to find if the fitness model is the one she's telling him he loves the night. it never is. it's always your cousin. [laughter] greg: is always the cousin. i have met a lot of couples who have found love online. i've also found couples online that you never hear from again. [laughter] it is a gamble. it's a gamble.

of next, the changes to the next academy award show. i hope they bring back the competition. i woke up in memphis and told... (harmonica interrupts) ...and told people about geico... (harmonica interrupts) how they could save 15% or more by... (harmonica interrupts) ...by just calling or going online to geico.com. (harmonica interrupts) (sighs and chuckles) sorry, are you gonna... (harmonica interrupts) everytime. geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.

greg: all aboard for a new award. new changes to liven up the oscars. first, all the nominees who don't win will lose a finger. [laughter] but also they are adding a new award category to honor the best popular film because, let's face it, the artsy important films always went even know no one goes to see them. maybe that's why people stopped watching the oscars. in other words, and he cannot win and gandhi in jerry mcguire might have one instead of english patient. maybe even this could get a statue.

♪ [laughter] greg: that is cinematic genius. tyrus, before you say that was me. [laughter] tyrus: no way, that dude was athletic. [crowd boos] greg: why do i deserve this? you are illegitimate actor and is this a necessary business move? tyrus: you know what, up until i have a biography that i'm doing that i could get a word for so i love the oscars. [laughter] one of these things were times of change. people have changed. there's so many awards it's not procedures anymore.

the movies we see and enjoy and do the big numbers, harry met sally, and all that stuff and this will give marble in the big sci-fi movies to appease and bring those plans in. i don't think it will work. greg: what do you think, to veto? by the way, you look like a movie critic. >> it stinks. i hate award shows. why would i want to watch rich, famous people applaud each other quite mac. [applause] they already have the most popular ward called you made a lot of money. we don't need to see them get handed this big, giant bag of money. the awards are supposed to be about someone with it one leg who learns to play the cello or nonsense like that. greg: what you think, cap? kat: i wish they had this in 1997 were the greatest movie of all time was dropped -- happy gilmore.

carmack. kat: the movie has everything, love, hockey, a wise old man named chubb. you know? every movie i've ever seen since i saw happy gilmore has paled in comparison. every time i watch it like why am not watching happy gilmore for the 4765th time. if we could go back and give this word to happy gilmore that i would stop boycotting the oscars. greg: great idea. kat: i boycott because they snubbed happy gilmore, just to be clear. greg: they should have the happy gilmore award and give it to happy gilmore. there you go. tyrus: i would like that with halle berry in monstrous ball. i mean, damn. check it out. she should've gotten it two years in a row. greg: joe mackey, thoughts?

>> best sql, best reboot and least original idea mac. [applause] if you are saying to people they are too bored to watch this for our show so we only make it three hours is a long time to watch something. [laughter] greg: these awards should be the best movie you don't regret starting. is that what we do at home when we have these options on demand and you feel like you have these and they must be good and then you watch it and say what am i doing what you won't turn it off because you have to finish it. tyrus: it's like a bad relationship. [laughter] greg: is a tub of ben & jerry's. once you're halfway there, you say screw it. any to see the bottom. i say that a lot. up next, i don't even know what that means, i do a lot of deep

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greg: they are smoking passion picking up trash. an online community of pot smokers, any other kind? has created an anti- litter initiative with the goal of cleaning up their outdoor smoke spot. all while being baked than their grandmas. butter cookies. [laughter] it started on reddit .com. i'm not heard of that before under the # stoner cleanup initiative. users are enthusiastic and i don't even know what that word is. enthusiastically sharing their stories of cleaning up everything from beaches to public parks and kat sites. they can only remove the garbage from my soul. [laughter] for more, let's go live with the internet carl was taking out the trash at my house. he's fired. unless he is dead.

i think this is a great idea. mackey? >> as long as you don't take it too far. don't go using math and then volunteer with kids. but i don't understand is if you smoke weed and you want to volunteer, that's a terrible drought. [laughter] imagine if a beer commercial, if you helped people when you got drunk. [laughter] greg: actually -- >> that supposed to be a dog in a pool. greg: i don't know what else. kat, it's interesting because i feel the irony is that stone people are picking up the letter from drunk people. kat: i saw those pictures and it was bags of liquor bottles. i saw those pictures and thought

this will be literally impossible in new york city because the entire thing is made of garbage. greg: that's true. kat: it's true. have you been on the street at all? greg: you sound like travis bickel? kat: greg, i don't know who that is. i have my youth. you have to have actual dump trucks like fleets of donors with dump trucks picking up the trash of the sidewalk and fleets of stoners with dump trucks doesn't sound safe. greg: no, it does not. tyrus, i think i like this because it makes pot acceptable. you need to divorce it from the stereotype of lazy loser. everyone says he's high but no, they can do the things. tyrus: let me get this straight. it's a great idea to pick up after yourself. greg: yes. [laughter] tyrus: listen, i spent a few hours of my life in the weed

circle and this is a typical thing that happens when were smoking. we have great ideas and stuff we want to do. i'm more of a world peace guy were trying to get in oreo cookie and the size of a pizza. then there's the one guy who says what if we cleaned up the apartment, bro? what we cleaned up and then the girl says what if we organize all the apartments? put that online. but that online and get bunions. greg: those are underrated. to think it's a good idea? >> any trash the potheads pick up will be outweighed by rappers from their food they left behi behind. [laughter] >> i disagree. left heads of the ones you want. if you go to meth for there's no electronics, furniture and there's -- they really run a

tight ship. greg: they really do. it's sparse. tyrus: but they also sell your children for meth money. greg: this is the opposite of what drums do. you have a potheads saying will do something good but when you are drunk all laws are suspended. although the battle of the window. [laughter] tyrus: you never loved me, bro. i'm saying that to happen. they're always concerned about who love them. it's like bro -. greg: i think it's to show initiative is a good thing. again, it's going -- the only way part of pot or marijuana will be acceptable if they get rid of the stereotype from cheech and chong and i'm running out of [bleep]. tyrus: apparently --

[cheering and applause] i had so many ideas when i used to smoke all the time but the problem was the high nest wears off and you go back to the normal i'm not doing [bleep] today. your great ideas but you need something else to take that makes you do it. maybe a five hour or back when cooking was illegal like something like that. you would do that and then you go do stuff. >> alcohol gives you ideas like i that i can hit that from here. [laughter] greg: or i bet i could take that mma fighter. greg: final thoughts to blow your mind, next. my father passed this truck down to me, that's the same thing i want to do with you.

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greg: joe devito? >> new album is out threes comedy if you have netflix or amazon. greg: mackey? >> catch me this friday and saturday in nyack, new york. greg: tyrus? tyrus: no shame here but outside of reading this i would be wrestling in minnesota on sund sunday. returning to the ring. [cheering and applause] greg: kat? kat: i just want to go eat something. [laughter] greg: chicken perhaps in a dark room. by my book. it doesn't cost nothing. that's a lie, they do joe devito, mackey emma kat timpf

and tyrus. i love you, america. [cheering and applause] welcome to "watters' world". congress is on vacation. president trump spending the week in new jersey. we are still waiting for robert mueller and the 13 angry democrats to wrap up with the president calls a witchhunt against him for alleged collusion with russia. if u.s. congress, adam schiff the evidence is right in front of us. >> i think there's plenty of evidence of collusion or conspiracy in plain sight. now that is a different statement in saying that there is proof beyond a reasonable doubt of a criminal conspiracy. robert mueller will have to determine that. >> congressman you're right there's plenty of evidence. t