don't know how to. >> while next time we get together a panel at a holiday, we will call all three of you. thanks for joining us and seriously, merry christmas. that will do it for us. have >> i am dana perino with kennedy and greg gutfeld. it's 5 o'clock in new york city and this is "the five." >> ♪ >> ♪ >> we hope you are having merry christmas eve. we have lots of goodies in store is. a trip down memory lane in dallas with a haunted house experience that jesse and i and the looking back at the most fun moments of the year including a christmas treat headed to a

famous toy store. our team put together some individual highlights of the 5 of us. i will go first. watch this. >> [laughing]. >> what about kevin? >> oh, thank god. that was a commercial break flub. i am sorry. the scar i have is when i fell off the 3 wheeler. >> [laughing]. >> he asked me if i was wearing heels because i am so short. we were told to wear flats. >> i want to make sure that everybody knows that dana is wearing heels. >> okay, i will take them off. >> she is actually shorter. >> dana corny jokes. what do you call a running turkey? what do you call a short court trial? i know we have to go. >> it's a great chart.

i sent it to everyone this morning. >> you get like 8 charts from dana. >> [laughing]. >> i opened it. >> who send charts before 9 a.m.? >> let me tell you about jasper. jasper's birthday. >> jasper! >> jasper. >> jasper! >> chasing people around with a represent tile. >> [bleep]. >> hello dana. >> hi, mom. >> i wanted to tell you, you are not in trouble. >> [laughing]. >> i will try that. that all happened in one year. >> you had a wild year. a lot of highlights and lowlights. those are not jokes. those are riddles. >> do you want me to change it? >> it should be a corny riddle. are you amazed how often you say

jasper. we did a jasper intervention. >> i can't remember how many days i took off and half of those highlights were someone else in the chair. do you take a lot of vacations? >> yes, do you. >> or everyone else on the show doesn't like watching you again. >> i don't think they are bad. i would call them jokes. they make me laugh. >> a joke is different than a riddle. >> corny jokes works better than corny riddles. something about your height. you would make a great professional snowboarder or gymnast. >> you are 5 foot tall. >> what i docked with an extra 3 inches of height. >> what can could you do? >> my mom was 4 feet 11. >> then you cheat and say you

are 5 foot. short people, they are larger than life. >> i look forward to this next roundup. some entertaining stuff. jesse's highlights. >> civilization went downhill when i joined "the five." >> mccarthy had a great piece. >> we have been quoting him all week. >> what is so funny? >> we should use more motive clips. it's like you are not funny enough to get the audience to laugh more. >> jesse you are the king of what about-isms. >> here is one. you came to the right person. >> [laughing]. >> and lastly, stop talking about your hair! >> i have a new hairstyle.

>> [laughing]. >> looking to the side it's a little different. >> i am considered like a met metro-sexual. how would i look with hair like that? there it is. >> it's the same. >> my mother told me to stop talking about my hair. i was bullied as a child. >> you deserved it. >> you are so out of touch. >> juan is showing signs of trump derangement syndrome. >> he is extremely short. >> are those my highlights? you can do better than that. >> i can't believe they didn't show your jackets. i love your jackets. you wear the most beautiful jackets. >> we will do that next time. >> the powder blue.

>> the liberace of fox news. >> the big star is the mom tag. >> we should do the whole show that. >> and your mom gave me the trump clockdown clock t. speeded up. i need more! 8 years not 4. >> i love having is you here. >> thank you very much. a real treat. here's juan. >> guess what and guess what? guess what? take a look at my grandkids. eli is starting 3rd grade and the girls off to 1st grade. i brought pictures. exchanging rings with father cj. that's me 40 years ago cutting my wedding cake. party time. time for "one more thing." these are the dog days of summer. big boys cry too.

i am all shook up. saturday it was girls gone wild in d.c. talk about jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. democrats? democrats are not the ones to blame. >> come on! >> [laughing]. >> go ahead. >> come on, man! the larger point. >> i am right. >> that's always true. >> you have optimism swirl and the peace penduleum. >> what is the democratic platform? >> we change our meachamry. >> then the answer is juan won. >> congratulations. >> do i get more respect winning the supermarket -- >> no, you get no respect. >> [laughing]. >> do you know what i feel like?

your "one more thing" intros are like what the local newscaster does. >> here's one: guess what! come on! that's the way it rolls. >> i like it. >> and a facial expression. >> yeah. >> [laughing]. >> you left out i don't know what is going on at this table. i am sitting here at this table. >> [laughing]. >> that's a lot of fun to see. it's like self-revelation. >> i love how much you love your family. that's wonderful. you talk about them. you really give people a glimpse inside. they think you are the worst person on the planet. then they realize you are deeply connected and the fact you raised republicans gives viewers

hope. >> he did one thing right. >> did they think that i was born without a family or never had a family? >> the thing about guess what, that could be any year. >> it's spreading. now everybody is doing it. you hear it everywhere. >> you must watch a lot of tv. >> i do. >> because guess what? we will have a chance to go down greg's memory lane. watch this. >> she circled the earth in a gravy boat. dana perino and skis in a sugar bowl. a paper clip is her trombone. i victim bret baier. -- i have bret baier. i am watching your special coverage. one more thing, the green food in the d.c. bureau is not good! >> he has a bodysuit. me and lou dobbs will go to the

park. we use our bodyweight as resistance training. born to be wild, the life and times of lou dobbs. his book is doing great. if you have not bought my book, you are dead meat. i have a gift for every one of you and i forgot to sign them. you can buy the book and it will change your life. i need a mic. >> [laughing]. >> i will number dallas. i will be in fort worth, texas. it's time for animals are great! >> [laughing]. >> this hamster is great. >> you know what animal is really great? >> a little duck. >> animals are great! >> [laughing]. >> it's incureiable. >> you can define your year as animals are great and your book and lou dobbs. >> what else do you need?

>> sounds like an ideal weekend. >> if i invent one thing and no one remembers anything else, it's animals are great. >> what about bret baier saying captain kangaroo sang it. >> he sang a different song. his name was bear but didn't know much about animals. >> the little kid that watch "the five" love to watch "one more thing" and the animals. >> if you just add one little animal thing or one yelling thing acting silly, kids like it. do you remember when you watched a show as a kid and you liked it but didn't know what was going on. >> greg doing it for the kids. >> like this sweater. >> do you leave that at the office? >> it's been sitting on the shelf for 365 days. it does kind of smell.

>> that's an old word for tailoring. >> my relationship to you, greg. when i go out into the rest of the fox world, i say lou, don't complain to me. i don't control him. if i go to the d.c. bureau, i said bret, this is between and you greg, not me! leave me out of it. and dana said don't you think he is making fun of me? no, it's all in good fun. >> and good fun, watch kennedy. >> oh, no. >> i am watching the fireworks with a basket of popcorn here. >> [laughing]. >> it looks like jesse. >> you want the president to have another summit with vladimir putin? >> [laughing]. >> i give up. >> i think i broke my foot. i was kicking. i have a vision of robert

mueller like a painter in front of a canvass and say i am an artist when you never know when it's done. >> you hit the nail on the head, mirranda. >> it's charlotte. >> i am charlotte. >> western europe. my mom works for the phone company. i told her i was going to spend the night at the friend's house but i went to the republican convention. >> [laughing]. >> my mom is a life-long democrat. the only time in my life i was grounded. jesse, if i am in a bad mood, i go to youtube and watching the crying hillary clinton supporters. >> [laughing]. >> this is a drink called the hillary. >> nice! >> smashed blackberrees and some wine because it has to be bitter and enough tequila to break the

glass ceiling. >> you are always good for laughs. >> bless your bones. >> do you know you are funny? >> that's an inside joke. an anchor went up to kennedy and said do you know you are funny? >> lou dobbs. >> no, it wasn't lou dobbs! it wasn't lou dobbs. remember the shows that did flash back episodes. i hated that but this is better. >> i just like flash backs. >> is that little chick okay? >> it is duckling. yes, it changed species and blossomed into a beautiful swan. >> is that what they become? >> sure! yeah. >> i believed it. >> what do people ask about the most? >> about juan. why do you let juan get away with so much.

when i was filling in for you the other night at the woman award ceremony. >> you backed out of that? >> she was at a funeral. >> never mind. >> a young man said you have do look out for juan. he is my guy. i watch fox and "the five" for juan. they want to know -- >> you can't drink alcohol on tv. >> you tell me now. did it taste good? >> it was fantastic. you can drink in commercial breaking news. >> i do! >> [laughing]. >> exactly. >> you and scott adams. >> that would have been great. >> the producersed! it's the best of times and the worst of times. always the best of times on "the five." >> that would be a good lead for a book. >> which one? >> i don't know. >> [laughing]. >> please don't write another

book. >> [laughing]. one was enough >> up next. everything is bigger in texas including the barbecue. our tasty trip to dallas is next on "the five" christmas eve special. >> ♪ as a fitness junkie, i customize everything -

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>> ♪ . >> jesse said that music is terrible. what is that? >> that's what my name. >> typical christmas music. >> all right. he wrote that in a hallway. >> you are off topic. >> welcome back to "the five" christmas eve special. a look back at our more mem memorable moments for the years. ribs are my favorite food so we tried true texas style barbecue in dallas. that's in texas, jesse, before the mid-terms. >> ♪ >> ♪ >> we are here at the barbecue

in dallas, texas, which is amazing. i got greg and jesse with me. ready to eat? >> we are so hungry. >> at 5:36 p.m. in the commercial break people ask this yes. [laughing]. greg will ask what will i eat ribs? >> i eat ribs 4 times a week. >> what is in greg's cup? sweet tea? >> i call it sweet tea. some people call it hard wine. i may hate the democrats and hate the libs, but man, i do love these ribs! >> [laughing]. >> you can tell that the dallas cowboys lost. >> is that what is going on? >> you can feel it. the redskins beat the cowboys.

>> hmmm. >> cowboys and indians were a rivalry a long time ago. >> is our first road trip with jesse. >> any advice for me on the road? >> [bleep]. >> [laughing]. >> lawrence jones is here with us. he is from texas. you know him from fox news. >> hi, lawrence. >> why did you pick this place? >> you come here a lot? >> yes, they don't rush the process. they season their meat and marrinate it and put it in the smoker and it's so good. >> when they say everything is bigger in texas, what specifically are they referring to? >> this is not some sick "watters world" game. >> the state fair and the buildings. the only thing not big is the

taxes. we don't have a state tax. >> jesse has big hair. >> ♪ >> you see that thing up there. that's a wolverine. it's half wolf and half-errine. >> oh! >> that's a lot of meat. >> yes, this is greg's dream come true. >> i am taking this picture so i can look at it when i go to bed at night. >> can anyone eat one by themselves? >> we have linemen from the dallas that devour these. >> what is your secret to barbecue? >> it's a national pass time for the country of texas. >> the country of texas? >> yes, let's get that right.

>> ted cruz said that beto o'rourke wants to get rid of barbecue in texas? >> that's got to be a joke. anybody that is anybody in the state of texas can commit political suicide by saying that. we fill these up with wood. my guys get here at 5 a.m. >> you have ever put a small boy in there about the size of greg? >> can you close that? >> [laughing]. >> well, it's hard. it's hard to do a segment that involves eating. >> especially if you are starving. >> i didn't speak the entire segment. the produce said stop eating, jesse and say something. >> you topped doing your job. >> you bragged how funny that wolverine joke was.

>> because it was so dumb. i have kids who tell dumb jokes. that's a dumb joke and not a dumb riddle. >> we were not working. >> you said it's too spicy. >> it got caught in my throat. i have a very small throat. >> [laughing]. >> i have issues? i do, greg? okay. >> [laughing]. >> i love the brisket. i let you guys have the sides. you had macaroni and cheese and corn. >> lawrence's mother made an excellent corner dessert. >> it was like a sweet pumpkin pie. >> yes. >> but she owns a bakery.

>> yes. >> he mentioned it when we did the show at smu. we were on the internet because everybody was trying to order her desserts. >> that's going to happen. like kim kardashian's bottom. >> should i move on? >> yes. >> juan's all access look at this year's major league all-star game when we return.

>> ♪ >> ♪ >> these are the latest headlines. president trump has been positive tweeting from the white house on christmas eve blaming democrats for the partial government shutdown claiming a story he lashed out about acting attorney general whitaker is fake news and stating the only problem our economy is the fed. that came on the worst christmas eve trading session ever. the dow industrial average sinking 653 points. the s&p 500 and the nasdaq were down. the partial government shutdown appears no closer to a shutdown.

president trump tweeted he was all alone waiting for the democrats. the democrats claim he is plunging the country into chaos. jim mattis wishes a merry christmas to all of you holding the line in 2018 to the american troops. the president moved up his exit to january 1st. a desperate search and rescue in indonesia after a tsunami killed more than 370 people and injurying more than 1400. now back to "the five." ♪ a beautiful sight ♪ we are happy tonight ♪ walking ♪ in a winter ♪ wonderland ♪ gone away is the blue bird ♪ here to stay >> welcome back.

we hope you and your family are having a merry christmas eve. i am a huge baseball fan. it was a thrill to be at the mlb all-star game in d.c. in july. behind-the-scenes for all of the major league action. i am juan and i get to go to the all-star game for the first time in my baseball fan life! it's also a dream come true for a little boy named juan. i am going to the all-star game! can you believe it? >> ♪ . >> i am a season ticket holder. i wanted to show you guys where i sit when i come to have fun. time off means baseball for me. this is where i sit. i want to show you where carl sat. right here. charles, was in a wheelchair. it was a special accommodation

made for him by the team. after the games were over, he was in that wheelchair. he would come up to the runway and talk to him. >> what would he talk to you about? >> why i took that guy out? >> this is the first time i have before know to an all-star game. big thrill for me. thrill for you as a player? >> for sure. my first one as well. >> fans say it's not that big. you say it's great? >> because it's an exhibition of the greatest players. >> ever since i was a little kid baseball has been everything to me. now i get to share it with my grandson.

eli. >> ♪ >> ♪ >> you grew up in detroit you? were a tigers fan first? >> i love the tigers. i can tell you all of the people on the '68 team that won the world series. >> [laughing]. >> here i am. in nationals park in my seat at the ballplayer next to my favorite baseball fan wife. she gets to come to all of the games. you love baseball? >> i love baseball. >> but you love me more? >> [silence]. >> you see what i mean. >> [laughing]. >> when i catch a flyball, what do you make me do with it? give it to a youngster. she keeps score the

old-fashioned way on her scoreboard. >> that was fun. you were in such a good mood after the game. the producers should send you to a baseball game every week. >> because i wear on you? >> no, no. your spirit were so lifted. >> juan, the reason i liked that, we have proof that ben carson is still around. >> and he can hit. >> yes. >> what we have fun with, deb is a big boston red sox fan. i got to talk to all of the players and one was mookie betts. her favorite. what a thrill? >> i heard they got engaged. >> [laughing]. >> bringing people together. >> i like that. >> or tearing them apart. >> and bud black the manager of the rockies, he came over to say hello. he is a fan of "the five"?

>> i don't like the idea you have to give your ball to the kid. they should learn they have to earn it. >> life is not easy. if you take a mitt to a game you get to keep the ball. >> he had a special seat designated for him. >> the learner family who owns the nationals, it was a special section and he got to sit in his wheelchair. the best part was driving to the park with charles because he has a special bond type van. he got to park like in the owner's parking spot. unbelievable. >> unbelievable! >> [laughing]. >> charles! >> anyway. >> deeply missed. >> and much loved. upnext the escapades of dana

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tell your doctor about your medicines and if you're pregnant or planning to be. otezla. show more of you. >> ♪ >> ♪ >> ♪ >> ♪ >> ♪ >> [laughing]. >> what does that mean? >> i don't know. >> it's a determine. -- drum. welcome back to "the five" christmas eve special. dana and i went on the road and

i embarrassed her with my amazing waiter skills. first our visit to a haunted house. a very scary experience. >> we are here at new york's premier haunted attraction. we are wearing go-pro's to capture all of dana's shrieks. >> there will be shrieks. i have not been to a haunted house until i was 13? >> i am tough. if i scream it's because i am hamming up for the cameras. >> if i am screaming it's because i am terrified. >> let's do it. >> [screaming]. >> okay! >> [laughing]. >> all right. >> that's freaking me out, man! >> [laughing]. >> [screaming]. >> okay! let me go.

let's go. >> [screaming]. >> oh, god! >> [screaming]. >> let's go. >> okay! >> okay, okay. >> [laughing]. >> stop touching me! someone is touching me! >> i can't see anything. >> this is the worst idea we have ever had! >> [laughing]. >> [screaming]. >> [laughing]. >> [screaming]. >> [laughing]. >> [screaming]. >> oh! >> [laughing].

>> no, no, no! >> [screaming]. >> i want to get out of here. which way? >> ♪ >> ♪ >> [screaming]. >> i don't like this. >> [screaming]. >> never again! >> [screaming]. >> [laughing]. >> [screaming]. >> he is very angry. >> [laughing].

>> never. >> oh my god! >> we survived blood manor? >> i am so glad you were in front. i don't know if i could do that again. >> i don't feel so well. >> i thought you were joking. >> no, i feel sick. if you want to be scared, do this. >> [laughing]. >> i was acting when i was screaming like that. >> yeah, you put it all out there? >> i did. i laid it on thick. for the folks. >> i hid behind you. >> you pushed me forward into the people with the medical devices? >> i gave you a warning they were going to start screaming at you? >> i did a poll on packages on twitter. it turned out that packages or segmentes like these. do you like it when hosts go places? 38% said they love them. 39% said they hated them. >> oh, not true! >> wow! >> show it to me.

>> it will take a while. 20% said they were indifferent. i added it up. 60% don't like the packages. >> really? >> here we are. 38% love them and 23% hate them. >> that's 5,500. >> the same poll had hillary wining. >> maybe this is wrong. >> you don't want to go out of the building. >> that's right. >> [laughing]. >> the thing that caught my attention was the blood. man, if they splattered blood on dana perino. >> if you go to a haunted house in new york where you have actors who have a part-time job at the haunted house for the month. they are really into it. the set design and everything. if you want to be scared it was pretty good. >> once they knew the fox people were coming in, in manhattan

they took it out on us. >> we attended the waiting for wishes dinner in nashville for special charities. we waited on the tables. it was a great night. take a look. >> ♪ >> ♪ >> dana perino! >> [cheers and applause]. >> jesse watters. >> [cheers and applause]. >> i don't know how jesse watters got invited. tell us about that. >> i don't know either. it was a surprise to me too. >> [shouting]. >> there we go. >> this is my world. >> he's like my kid brother. i have to take him along with me everywhere. >> ♪ >> ♪ >> i did wait tables years ago. we will figure this out. i am not sure what i am doing. we will make it work.

>> someone needs brown bread. >> oh, my god. >> are you working? >> of course i am working. >> i need brown bread for a table. >> it's in the kitchen. >> i can butter your roll? do you like a lot of butter or a little? >> a lot. >> splatter it on? >> yes. >> am i going to ruin it. >> how much is jasper worth? >> put money in for me. >> $20. i will dig in. >> go ahead. >> medium rare? >> it's delicious. >> this is bailey. make him famous? >> i like the pocket square that's sharp. can i give you a secret. dress for the job you want and not for the job is you have?

>> i have to take your plate back. >> yep. >> we are just doing this for the camera. are you reading that? >> you are not actually working. >> you have jesse watters and dana perino. obviously. >> we were actually invited back. >> i believe i am invited back. i did the work! >> she was much better than i was. >> but i did wait tables growing up. i am excited. if we all go back as a show it will be really fun. >> can greg wait tables? >> you dispensed advice to a young child. >> here is a piece of advice for me. dress for the job you want. i think he already heard that.

>> you should have said get a hairstyle like mine. >> the bigger the hair, the bigger the paycheck? >> i have never seen a waiter butter a roll. >> it's hands on service. >> were you massaging the steaks back in the kitchen? >> well, let's look at the package numbers again. >> you will take us to a record be studio. >> greg will drink wine and go into the recording studio and sing country music greg gutfeld style. >> i will write songs that make the whole world style. >> the guy had to tell you the bread was in the kitchen. i had a few drinks and i was confused where the kitchen was.

>> it's no different than the regular "the five." >> a toy store next on "the five." ♪ heartburn and gas? ♪ [2. fight both fast tums chewy bites with gas relief all in one relief of heartburn and gas ♪ ♪ tum tum tum tums tums chewy bites with gas relief

>> ♪ >> ♪ ♪ all i want ♪ for christmas ♪ is you >> juan and i love that song. welcome back. it would not be "the five" christmas eve special unless you are here and if we didn't have toys. we sent jesse, juan and greg to check out the hottest toy selections. what is the worst that can happen? >> what are we doing here? >> we will play with toys, greg. >> this is a typical cliche christmas segment. >> are you going to be difficult? >> yes. >> they send you to a toy store to play with toys other stores

have already played with. >> holy! >> what happened then? >> well, in new york they say greg gutfeld's grinchy heart grew 3 sizes that day. >> [laughing]. >> this is what you are getting me. >> merry christmas, greg. >> [laughing]. >> $800. you can do that. >> that's expensive. >> a winter wonderland. >> do you know what i want i want glass cleaner and laundry detergent. >> juan. >> ♪ >> can you make juan disappear? >> [laughing]. >> can you make jesse's hair stand on edge?

>> [laughing]. >> put it in the palm of your hand. watch closely. the money jumps from your hand through the air. >> oh! >> he has very small hands. >> a robot that dispenses candy. >> a big herridge -- hershey bar. >> another robot. >> another robot. they are everywhere. they are coming to take our jobs. it's only a matter of time, america. >> and that's very strange. >> ♪ >> merry christmas to all and to all a good night.

>> ♪ >> ah? >> i loved it. >> good job. >> lou dobbs. another precisely cameo. -- priceless cameo from lou dobbs. he makes everything. >> they had that giant unicorn? >> i learned it's good to be short. when we walked into the toy story, the people who don't like jesse can see jesse because he is tall. the people who don't like me or you -- or you weren't there. somebody goes hi, jesse and someone else drops the f-bomb in a children's toy store. >> were you rummaging through people's pockets. >> being the little man i can, i can steal. >> why didn't you mount the unicorn? >> i thought you meant put it on the wall. >> $800 is a lot. >> not for you dana?

>> i would not spend that? >> i can't wait for secret sant. >> what do you look forward to getting on christmas tomorrow? >> oh, we have a no gift pact. but i violated it. i sent peter a link to a backpack purse i wanted. >> you don't look like something that would wear a backpack purse? >> you broke a contract? >> yes, i might go to jail for 5 years. >> in answer to your question, we got to dance on that piano. >> you had some moves, juan. >> greg was not into it. >> they edited out what i did on the piano. [laughing]. >> does this require a mop? >> i brought it down to a low level. >> i think it was nice they allowed us in. >> that was nice. it's jam-packed. it's not the old store. it's new.

>> there was a line. being tv anchors we got to cut in line. everybody in line was happy to see us. what are they doing? >> like the illegals. they come in front of everybody else. >> where is due process? >> we need a process. >> give them all $800 unicorns. problem solved. more to come on "the five" christmas eve special next. >> ♪ you might take something for your heart... or joints. but do you take something for your brain. with an ingredient originally discovered in jellyfish, prevagen has been shown in clinical trials to improve short-term memory. prevagen. healthier brain. better life.

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>> ♪ ♪ toys in every store >> tune in tomorrow for our christmas day spectacular. we will answer holiday fan mail questions and a festive edition of jesse's supermarket showdown. >> this will be the dore. 1, 2. >> you didn't go to architecture school. >> that door goes up to the rooftop. >> it's for tall people. i could put greg gutfeld on my shoulders and still get in. >> a gingerbread house composition and secret santa gift exchange. merry christmas and good night.

>> ♪ >> ♪ >> this is a fox news alert. i am in washington. on a christmas eve packed with breaks from a partial government shutdown to shock day for the financial markets amid a battle between president trump and the chairman of the federal reserve. the dow industrial average sinking 653 points. those are 3% declines from the dow and s&p and 2% for the nasdaq the biggest drops in trading on christmas eve ever for all 3