next saturday night . >> abraham lincoln barack obama and now a dog in the white hous house? . >> it sounds like an improvemen improvement. [applause] take a look at this bull and his red ball he is having so much fun probably more fun he loves that go anywhere with it. so much joy that ball and that ball together they are inseparable. look at them. they go everywhere together noble has ever been as

ecstatic for. >> he punctured his ball the bull has lost his ball. look how sad he looks. he is heartbroken. i wonder how cnn feels about this sad bowl if it were trump. >> or how does msnbc feel about this bad bowl if it was trump? how would "the new york times" feel about this sad bowl of it were trump? [laughter] i will be honest i just wanted

videotape of the bull. [laughter] for the media to feel good something must feel bad so it was like christmas and spring break combined this week the parents were out of town in hanoi trying to get through a cake or in dc and michael :-colon is there a stripper. [laughter] into the arms and then to see a gibbering rat to the process that bad news makes them feel so good. spin for a second time without a new clear agreement. >> now he is coming up against real world international realities and he can close the deal. >> a very rough and rocky 24 hours for the president back in washington and here in hanoi headed back empty-handed. >> so first they spend a week saying he will give up too much then they whine because he didn't give away a thing. if i wasn't so pied right now i would say they are biased.

we all want world peace by walking away as part of negotiating but the media sees it just as the whole thing because they don't like the guy doing the deal if you believe we already gave up a lot with the meeting then who needs dialogue at all? why waste time? the downside gets a million so stop feeding into it with people we don't like don't be passive as rejecting dialogue even when there is proof that trumps words did make it cheaper do you remember hawaii last year? people were freaking out as bureaucrats in hawaii were trying to figure out the computer password. i am a jackass. [laughter] but that failed in north korea because the drug supply is low look at the economy. it is pretty good so to want north korea to fail that trump had to appear it would be seen

as a concession so does the media actually work against world peace? that is crazy. right? . >> he makes a strong case. [laughter] meanwhile the media saw michael :-colon as the shuffleboard and he obliged delivering the drugs the media drools over. >> he is a racist, he is a con man. he is a cheat. [laughter] . >> how originally think kathy griffith has that tattooed on her back. [laughter] but the media aided up and climbed up his we are like the intoxicated earwigs. >> we are humbled before this committee today a lot of the personal anecdotes have to ring true. >> he said what he feared for

the country. >> i really proud of this guy up there because he has the world against him. >> you know, why he is proud? because these cheese balls are close friends. they don't strike me as men who wear speedo's to breakfast. [laughter] that is what a cheese ball does that since michael offered no collusion they had to do real evaluations. >> is a presidential lawyer say we inflated assets. >> holy crap. the rich guy inflated assets that sounds vaguely kardashian. [laughter] [applause] . >> thank you i will take it. this is a pathetic joke they need more wrongdoing.

so here is three bad things donald trump did that they should report on number one he wants laundered money. yes prickly left a 20 in his suit when it went to the cleaners. number two he once shot a man a dirty look for being rude. number three he beat his child that yachts the. [laughter] maybe that will sue the wound of 2016 after all that is all the news is no deal with kim jung-un? take that and somebody else's racist? kavanaugh? covington. everyone was supposed to be the drug to make them feel better that did not work that is why the hearing mattered so much. >> i fear if he loses the election in 2020 there will never be a peaceful transition of power. >> lucky for you you will be safe in prison. [laughter]

by the way, stormy daniels actually sent him a note to say i am proud of you. le she is proud of something that film revenge of the. [bleep] i can tell you did not please her mother. [laughter] i sought three times and it was disgusting. [laughter] [bleep] i will keep saying it because they have to be pit. [laughter] so that hearing was a binge of grace greasy junkfood going in and go out you feel gross afterwards but that is the media diet. no roughage. . >> you find yourself rooting against the country just because you don't like the president? that he may make a bad decision with cut one - - kim jung-un?

. >> this cannot be happening. >> he is going to give away the store. >> some wanted to failed because then we are back to square number one spent that's exactly what i want. >> try optima x simple one-a-day pill to clear your desires for the president to fail. with a more positive outcome for any situation. >> i never met my ex-wife's new boyfriend now i can see he does make her happy and she is happy why does that bother me? thank you chad. [laughter] . >> i went to church every day. but then i saw the company stock was up so maybe she

didn't deserve the promotion. think you. thank you god for not answering my prayers about barbara. [laughter] . >> you are wrong eliminating a nuclear threat in the korean war? thank you do not take it with coffee. [applause] . >> let's welcome she is so bubbly and champagne drinks are on new year's eve. he is a teddy bear stuffed with giggles. [applause] the idea of a good time is a bad time most of the time it's

a podcast catherine. former wwe superstar tyrus. [applause] emily, i will make an audacious comment and i will think the media deliberately prevented world peace is it wrong to say that? . >> here is how i feel about the summit. in matters of foreign policy and national security i listen to foreign policy advisers and the military i don't listen to jim acosta who printed there wasn't even symbolism over there so what is happening? we have a dictator who said i

would not be here if i didn't if i was not interested. so everyone to say the president just wanted another episode of the episode of "the apprentice" shouldn't they be applauding it is a long process taking every step at a time should be applauded because we benefit in the long run? . >> yes i agree with what you just said. [laughter] [applause] what are we paying attention to most. >> korea cnn would say oncologist driven out of work. [laughter] they will not give him credit for anything. [applause] . >> he was calling this guy little rocket man yet he sat down with him and if he could end the north korean war which is a 70 -year-old conflict one of the greatest triumphs for

peace. >> one of the greatest of all time if he pulls that off to get the nobel prize he would have earned it. i don't know who wants us to fail i don't know why they're trying to pitch that reboot i don't know why but kim jung-un if you can crack that regime than the more likely the whole thing will break apart that means liberation for people that are really suffering. they don't even know what the rest of the world is like so i may know what i'm talking about. >> donald trump helps to end the korean war they will say he killed a seven -year-old. [laughter] . >> cat would you like to talk about the scandal or north kore korea? . >> i personally am quite a fan i must say. understand that trump broke their heart when he won the election and then you don't want to see them do well. when it rains always say

bummer but then i think i hope my boyfriend's new girlfriend forgot her umbrella. but matters of not getting blown up that is always more important to me than whatever petty gripe that i have. so maybe they just don't quite understand when someone says we might get bombed there is the aside and it is that. greg: it has escalated. >> it is good but the embarrassment is we give a lot of credit for our bad judgment with american behavior but pull congress in there. what they did something as important as the summit to have :-colon come out? that's the day you have testimony? this is literally why you don't bring your kids with you to work. [laughter] daddy is trying to make a

deal. no talking. daddy is trying. [laughter] . >> so true. and the embarrassment that is what america was about instead of all eyes should have been on that summit he could've waited until monday there was nothing that could not have waited until monday but you had to cause such a distraction they always accuse congress and the media accusing the president of distracting they distracted so much that is why the summit was ended in my feeling you are trying to negotiate north korea watches the same crap that most americans do and they think do we really need to? we can just wait this out

other than the fact you did a good job you embarrassed america other than the fact you did a good job you embarrassed america but the other thing also is if trump makes any deals they will portray that as a concession so he cannot make a deal so that means they definitely hindered progress it is actually kind of gross. >> for me as a citizen and a constituent i don't care about the blood f but the actual evidence of cohen is a big wide sb mac donald trump may have been a shady businessman. >> no. [laughter] [applause] he slept with a porn star. everybody in new york sleeps with porn stars. [laughter] the got felled monologue is back in washington d.c. and oklahoma and texas with special guests tickets are still available go online for ticket information what about

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estimates agree new deal will cost $91 million so put that into perspective that is a. [bleep] load of money over 600,000 for households. affordable? not really why should that stop us? and they said we have 12 years to turn this around. . >> that is a predicament. what politician will turn down a kid while a camera is rolling to say there is no way to pay for it? . >> has there's no way to pay for it. [laughter] . >> i know what i'm doing. you come here and say it has to be my way or the highway. i don't respond to that. so maybe people should listen a little bit. [laughter]

that would be better if she could have them all arrested that is what i would have done that money doesn't grow on trees how do you raise by making tough choices. . >> attention all americans with the vision for the future. estimated 93 trillion-dollar price tag. all we have to do is follow these simple steps. to put taxes on the taxes on the military to tax the rich and the middle class and the poor. . >> and to make closeout of

toilet paper. and then to have more time. with the bullet train building green new deal. [cheers and applause] . >> is this a fantastic dream or just pure insanity? . >> i am in love with gangster diane all those little faces because not only are we seeing legislation that is promoted by children it looks like it was written by children it

sounds like a child who popped adderall then got onto santa's lap then got on a roll that they were asking for i want a pony and a playstation there is no way this will not break every possible bank so every intersection now that he what is the transgendered athletes what about gluten-free? you will not get anything done with this nonsense. >> it would be great if she ended the tirade. but before i go. i will not finish it. . >> i think aoc has completely

lost her marbles is living in banana land earlier this week she called herself the boss how are you the boss coming up with a plan that doesn't work? are you sure that isn't what you are putting in your pipe and smoking every day? i don't understand i can come up with plenty of plans that don't work what about unicorns? what about fairy dust and tinkerbell what about all the admissions away from the caliph arts? i just came up with three plans does that make me triple boss? [applause] and then to do away with modern technology? i don't want to do my laundry in the basement.

i don't want to eat people and i want people to eat me. do want people to eat you? [bleep] . >> that is pretty incredible. >> one day she will just fall over but the employee that may not show up for work you need the sun and the wind but they are not always working. . >> it will take 20 years to raise that money and we only have 12. [laughter] . >> i love what feinstein did.

and you don't go on her lawn. you don't trick-or-treat on her doorstep. >> of the frisbee is on the roof it is mine now. >> of the frisbee is on the roof it is mine now and she has the dirt on your parents. that is who she is. i don't agree with any policies. >> too bad she wasn't like that with her fellow democrats. >> that is why they protest outside her office. [laughter] greg: emily it's like the example of the half a car analogy to come up with a shiny chassis and the shiny surface no transmission or fuel efficacy but that's for somebody else. >> literally this week with

the medicare for all bill and literally how do you pay for this she said we don't need to answer that right now. it is mind-boggling there is just 1 million things wrong with that new deal. [laughter] 's be mac but living wages for all cost every individual household almost $300,000 and that hope diamond how is that acceptable? . >> nuclear power. >> should women be drafted into the

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[♪] aishah: live from "america's news headquarters" i'm aishah hasnie. the u.s. and south korea are eliminating their larger military exercise. it's all part of the north korea diplomacy solution. president trump has questioned the usefulness and expense of these exercises. yellow vested demonstrators

protesting. the protests started in november because of opposition to fuel tax hikes. they have since spread into a producter protest of the friend' president's policies. gutfeld s. greg: have american men beend s. shafted? a federal judge has ruled unconstitutional for them to draft only men it comes after the national coalition for men argued that an all-male draft violates the 14th amendment equal protection clause it doesn't order the government to change the draft rules that just means there are some unanswered questions will women have to register with

selective service when they turn 18? or do we get rid of the draft altogether? i'm sure we as a nation will totally agree on a solution that may be the issue will be moot because we will be fighting the next war this way. [laughter] . >> are you thrilled about possibly being drafted? . >> based on the fact i get a lot of anxiety having to choose my own toppings at the salad bar, i feel i should not be going to war. i have never been successful under pressure. the last time i was on a treadmill, so i feel that i am not cut out to serve our country in that way. i would like to serve in other ways. i use american flag them og's a lot. [laughter] . >> as a text message.

>> i am a patriot it is clear. >> so the other woman on the panel i feel this is irrelevant because at a certain point almost all of the fighting will be done by our friendly robots and drones. >> yes. . >> i know you say that a lot but our tax dollars pay for that and also now that women can serve in combat that that one group of guys said they should be subjected to the same ramifications as we do which is so ridiculous and it doesn't have a bearing on the actual justice. >> so that men's rights they are trying to make a point.

>> i am pretty sure i was outside shooting hoop when they talked about this i am all for equal rights. i think talking about the draft is a real issue. when was the last one? sixty? we have so many volunteers now. i think there is a waiting list to join so i think it's pretty safe it's not going to happen and we are in the clear. >> unless there is space aliens. >> if they come out of the ground eating short people. [laughter] . >> you read my diary. [laughter] . >> i would be in a hospital rocking back and forth i think my four -year-old daughter could be a candidate. she takes no prisoners not of

frayed to kill you to death with a doll. based on the individual but at the same time i don't think it is a men's group to say yes. >> let this guy be drafted now we will all get drafted. all of us. >> let me ask your opinion then i will overload you with mine. . >> may be women getting drafted than wearing dresses at the oscars? [applause] like a lot of the men's rights activities i feel they come to a conclusion so maybe i should stop talking ten minutes prior to this. i think it's great because nobody should be worried because the young people of today men and women are so out of shape they will not be

drafted anyway they cannot survive the peanut butter and i'll lecture without freaking out. there's nothing to worry about. >> up next face tattoos (woman) candace, two minutes. too late for lunch. starkist saves the day. sweet and spicy tuna in a pouch! smart choice, charlie. (charlie) no drain, no pain. just tear, eat... and go! try all of my tuna, salmon and chicken pouches.

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greg: should it be taboo to get a fake tattoo an article on fox.com examines the evolution of the tattoo over the last ten years the fastest growing? white suburban women which means it's not that rebellious anymore. the shock value must be gone but the face tattoo was different that is equal part bad ass and a mass. [laughter] even justin bieber has a tiny face tat so now teens are

getting them putting their pictures on instagram. until we all get bored. . >> you have tattoos all over. i guess that was frowned upon burger you can get a job with tattoos. [applause] face tattoos has been around for a long time in different cultures so that is added to the theme when you can make choices like that my advice would be to a young kid. i would've i did it i was an entertainment so i have more but i might not need one.

>> there are some jobs where i think face tattoos would pose a problem like a department store see anti- [laughter] nothing identifiable. . >> i've decided without getting elf on my nose or ron paul over here and having them hold hands on my nose for quite know why anybody would get a face tattoo. no tattoos and no bumper stickers on your car to make it easier for the law to find you. [applause] greg: i don't know what your dad did for a living. >> yes. [laughter]

. >> that's about it. and i am even dumber than that i am now. so don't go anywhere a judge can see them. that is good advice. i used to think when i'm grown up and have many i could but now i don't think i can sit comfortably in the chair that long without my back hurting. what about the rotator cuff? and now the least rebellious thing you could get is a tattoo i can now think a tramp stamp and what a freak that was. [laughter] . >> with that category of edginess. body tats are the norm so what is left you go with the base?

to be scorned? . >> it is so predictable. it is that way for a law enforcement. i have a client going through this so he was rebelling at the fact to be caught and processed including involuntary manslaughter. he walks into the office with the name of his girlfriend across his entire neck i always think of that story when i hear these stories because it is so predictable and ridiculous. >> wouldn't it be great if it was also the judge's name? [laughter] . >>.

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greg: should we stop the oppression of the world's

oldest profession? lawmakers are working on the bill that would decriminalize the sex trade. between adult consenting workers with massage parlors that have a special relaxation technique because he heard it has an ending that make someone happy. [laughter] everyone involved consented nobody gets arrested. and if that is a crazy notion that kennedy said she would be in favor of it. that yes we should consider we cannot criminalize consensual behavior as long as nobody is being harmed. >> and to decriminalize sex work including human

trafficking? and what about the brothels that are inspected? or to give them massages? and to my chinchilla rat. ♪ that was a total set up. >> you are a prosecutor. [laughter] what do you do? quick. prostitution illegal porn illegal the only different is

the performers are filmed therefore it is films all those people that were arrested in florida filmed by the police that could be a defense because the cops made for nose of them. what do you think? . >> it is a creative argument. i will say there is a huge spectrum human trafficking includes sex trafficking is the third biggest illicit industry going down to yes consensual and consenting adults i think there is a whole host of details that we talk about and there is just a ton of details before we start looking at policy. >>.

>> i am pro- legalization. we don't know the lowest rung of sex work maybe that's the only choice. where do you sit? . >> i think it should absolutely be decriminalized we are a country founded on individual rights and you should have the decision whether or not you want to be involved in that. i don't understand why you can sell a bike you cannot sell your body? that doesn't make sense to me. you own your own body more than a bike. greg: that's an interesting way to put it. >> but with the garage sale that sex worker garage sales what i participate? no would it affect me also know so why do i care. greg: i say and then to say at

the low wrong there are people their only option. >> so we put them in jail? greg: that's why i said i am for it but have a problem being for it. >> i'm just glad i got my petition. >> it should not be legal bringing the argument of human trafficking and then to work against their will. but consenting adults add a massage parlor at 50 years old the happy ending is you working on my shoulder. [laughter] the other part i can do when i

get home. [laughter] i think that's how i hurt my shoulder. [laughter] greg: nicely done. do not edit that joke. . >>. >> it's a beautiful thing you no longer pick on your secretary. and the side check. just a lot of things. it's the service industry. i have coupons. . >> the gift that keeps giving? thank

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. [♪] jesse: welcome to "watters world." while jesse watters. trump's old lawyer michael cohen, convicted liar and tax cheat about to head to prison for three years. before leaving he became the star witness for the democrats in their impeachment proceedings. >> i have lied. but i'm not a liar. i have done bad things. but i am not a bad man. jesse: i'm sure you are not. cohen systematically destroyed democrat talking