the great got phil show coming up. i will be here next saturday night. ♪ [applause] greg: my collection of hitchhiker toes, the democratic fields keep extended. but just because it's a 2020 race does not mean there should

be 2020 democrats running. [laughter] it is getting crazy. take a look, here are the candidates heading to a mock debate. [laughter] [laughter] greg: everyone is running. just to get a little press. who is this guy? >> i've seen countries in quicksand. i'm able to solve problems and threats from abroad. i'm able to make life better for people here at home. i'm ready to solve these problems. i am running for the president of the united states. greg: yet and i'm running for the president of your face. [laughter] greg: the guy is the charm of an armpit. the great thing about america a, anyone can run, and the bad thing, anyone can run.

what night this guy? or this fellow, or this thing? why not, were near 20 candidates and joe biden has not entered the race. perhaps due to rumors that were more compromising pictures. [laughter] i feel so used. well done production department. that certainly looks real. all right, thank god. the problem isn't the number of candidates, but the type. nope is that, no thrills, no trumps. [laughter] even more these candidates are just running against trump but his record. the lowest job claim and over 50 plus years, essentially they have to run against success.

maybe their slogans should reflect that. i have bumper stickers here. how about this one, boat democrat, when you're tired of success. [laughter] greg: boat democrat, a vote for us is stupid. vote democrat, we need help making toast. last one, very moving. vote democrat, i went to poop in my wall wall. [laughter] i have no idea what that means. [laughter] but even obama is worried. >> 1 of the things i do worry about sometimes, among progressives in the united states, may be true here as well, is a certain kind of

rigidity, this is how is going to be and then we start creating what is called a circular firing squad. when that happens typically, the overall effort and movement weekends. greg: it is what we call a circular firing squad, know that is what everybody calls it. anyway that was electrifying. i just figured out who he is. he is a neighbor who drops by to remind you why you pretend you're not home when he drops by. [laughter] greg: by lease by showing up he remind you of how much fun we are having now. compare this. >> among progressives in the united states, maybe it's true here as well. a certain kind of rigidity. greg: little pencil neck. cricket hillary clinton, i'm president and they're not.

ridiculous [bleep] >> china, china, pocahontas, you're so brilliant, i want to watch television, i'm sorry the wind is not blowing. thank you donald. greg: there really is no going back. as for the press, this is where they pretend to be tough on the democrats by hammering the candidates. but most of the questions will focus on how left-wing they want the candidates to be. it's not what's best for america but the progressive credentials. the green new deal, gun confiscation, left a schism but the media will want more. forget passing the rich. let's have them wear these in public. [laughter] i own one of those. you want felons to vote,

shouldn't the dead vote? aren't they the voiceless? who speaks for plants. they vote for the greendale if only they could vote. right kiersten? greg: exactly. bottom line, is not america who picks its candidate, but the media will decide which peak enter person makes them feel warm all over. it can only help trump because if they get what they want it will be with america hates. but maybe that is the plan. pretend you want the democrats to win when you really want trump. the cable box knows this. after trump, how could any of these four bags hold your interest. it's all about ratings. you're going from this, to this.

[laughter] greg: the media needs trump in america knows that. a new poll found that two thirds of voters believe the press are more interested in creating controversy then explaining where the candidates stand on the issue. i wonder where they got that idea? >> attention news production also back back back, who cares. how they are caring about the profits that come with the headlines. your journalist should join the damaging with this information alliance. >> welcome class, we're going to learn how to take noncontroversial headline and inject them with conflict. all right? the first one. house debates education reform.

>> how about trump socks. >> perfect. >> all right next one. pence says drivers need licenses to drive. >> how about trump sucks. >> how about trump double socks we hate him. >> you guys are picking us up fast. now that we are all warmed up, let's move on to stories about the presidential candidate. >> they speak it i will college. >> that it was better because he's not trump. >> bernie sanders announces presidential campaign. >> trump is a jerk, bernie isn't. >> great. kiersten julie brand adopts puppy to take on the campaign trail. >> kiersten adopts puppy because trump sucks. >> good but i need more

conflict. >> how about, kiersten adopts a pitbull puppy to protect her from trumps dogs. >> i could not have written it better myself. i am so proud of you. let's get out there and stir up controversy. >> so the dems have too many candidates and not charisma. too many people and not enough persuasion. meanwhile the media has too much biased which they will used to protect the candidates that they have to offer. the end result, another four years of donald trump and another four years of this from cnn.. greg: and never gets old.

that drives both guys insane. editor and fox news contributor. charlie. [applause] his entire body is one big funnybone. fox news radio host. tom. he is the best at being a pest. podcast fox news. [cheering] hiwb superstar on fox station. [cheering] charlie, what is your take on the field? >> before i was a brilliant analysis of what is going to be going on next year. but the real thing, the media as much as anybody, what have we

listen to the past three weeks, a huge scandal about joe biden, he's creepy and he is all those things. absolutely. he gives anybody the creeps. what happens, he shoots to the top of the pool. it's all because nobody, and all of those covering, they should be thinking, we listen to the craziest ideas from the craziest democrats in congress right now like the green deal. the truth is, they are not listening to any of it. they're not listening to anything that the media is feeding. greg: that's probably good news. >> wing think some americans just need a really good hug. >> not from biden. [laughter] greg: the collection of candidates reminds me of a group of attention seeking trying to be the foreman. >> they are all getting each one at a time gets a week of his own. beddoe was all i could see on my screen and now the judge is

getting all the attention. biden has gotta sniff somebody out to get on camera. [laughter] greg: i gotta defend biden because he is old. old people, you're allowed to do that. old people grab you and do things. that's the whole reason i want to get old so i can start sticking my nose in people's hair. i just want to specify just to spell people's hair? >> yes. it smells good. greg: it does smell good. >> the commercial would say smell my hair. greg: your hair smells terrific. >> they were talking about rabbits. greg: god help me. what do you make of these candidates? >> i'm not a psychic. i am als also not chris stier w. people get us confused. i think the eric small well is not going to win the nomination.

because what the [bleep] is eric small well. i have never heard of one. any dude could walk up to me on the street and say hi i'm eric, and i would say hi i believe you you will not win. he says he stands for all of us. have you ever taken your weave out? have you ever stayed up late at night how to make your cat live long? no, then you don't speak for me. greg: why don't you get another cat? >> you don't think we have a personal bond between souls? greg: the personalities are very different. >> you don't think we have insight jokes. greg: not your cat know. maybe your cat has insight jokes about you. >> she lost her voice now are you happy? greg: thoughts on this group?

>> after seeing the group, just to spice things up, tyrus and tim, 2020 we are going to run for the democratic. >> it's okay greg, i am not a democrat. >> i am a republican and she's a libertarian, and we are running just so they have something to pitch about. all the hate ads will be about us. all 78 of them. we will walk in the room and they will boo. the republicans did it again. libertarians cost them another election. i think it will be great. now they have something to be excited about. greg: we're declaring it right now.

#, we are not running to win, we are running to give them something really good to cry about. i believe in it so much i brought up the evil great doll. >> who is our campaign manager? greg: i put this in the washing machine and is never been the same. it still looks at me and talks to me at night. up next, legal trouble for the start back. he is looking at more counts than a dracula (woman) what should we do with it first? (man) road trip. (woman) yes. (woman) off-road trip. (couple) [laughter] (couple vo) whoa! (man) how hot is the diablo chili? (waitress) well. you've got to sign a waiver. [laughter] (ranger) you folks need bear repellent? (woman) ah, we're good. (man) yes. (vo) it's a big world. our new forester just made it even bigger. (woman) so what should we do second? (vo) the 2019 subaru forester. the most adventurous forester ever.

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switch and save today, and you get a new galaxy. say "get a galaxy" to learn more. greg: after chasing the glimmer he is looking at years in the slammer. he was supposed to take it to trump but now he was taken to prison. federal prosecutors have indicted michael evan oddi on 36 accounts wire fraud, tax fraud and bankruptcy fraud. in short a lot of fraud. he is accused of stealing from his client, a $4 million settlement belong to a disabled person. the fence believed he used the money to buy a private jet which the feds confiscated. how will he get around? [laughter]

greg: it was funnier in the meeting. [laughter] by the way the 36 charges are separate from the extortion charges filed in manhattan last month when he was accused of shaking down nike before he pulled the cable network. not all of them. member when he said about thinking for running for president? >> people are enthusiastic about the potential of me running. we need a fighter, when i talk about a fighter i'm not talking about a paper tiger. looking at 2020, i am taking users as a contender because of your presence on cable news. >> can you keep the discourse elevated if you run against him and beat him in his own game? >> i think there is no question that i can beat him at his own game. greg: now he is looking at over 300 years in prison. he would get out when is 348. [laughter] still pretty young for the dead. i would still be as handsome as my roommate scott ♪ [laughter]

you got admit he's handsome. i have nothing against that. you know what is amazing about this guy, how stupid he is, when there was no spotlight he was getting away with everything. then he sees the spotlight and he runs to the spotlight, that is what exposed him. he should've just stayed like a cockroach. >> all part of his plan. how soak. >> when they put trump in prison he will be close to them. greg: interesting. >> that will really find out what went on. greg: your weight ahead of it. this guy -- he cheated and mentally disabled person in a wheelchair. you wouldn't even date that. >> i am on his side greg. because he doesn't have any

hair. so he was not stealing from these people, he was levying the hair tax. they all had hair and he didn't have hair. greg: that's the strangest thing i ever heard. >> he thought -- you said he had a private jet but he only has one. what kind of life is not? he wasn't really stealing from the paraplegic guy, he was just trying to survive. not only is he an, he's a dumb ass because stealing settlements from your clients, you think they're not just going to notice? it's not candy. it's not like he took candy from candy jar, they will say where is my money bro? that is what i hired you for.

greg: that's when he stops picking up the phone. >> he stopped picking up the phone a long time ago great. you going to be paying a lot of bills. this dude, when he originally came out he was trying to be a knight on a white horse. he ended up being the worst [bleep] we've ever met in our life. he is pure evil. the grinch has nothing on this guy. at least the grinch brought it back. this dude philipp [bleep] he sty and then let money to the people he stole from. so they had to pay him back their own money. the devil is worried about him dying. [laughter] >> the devil doesn't have hair. greg: maybe the related. >> i'm onto something. i don't care what do you say. greg: do you feel bad for stormy his client customer.

>> to remember, she was dancing, he was still represented are doing all the stuff. she was dancing getting beer bottles thrown at her in richmond virginia when he was going around with millions and millions of dollars of free airtime. >> you said earnings? >> but as funny as always, there is an underlying thing that is sad. this is a guy who is taken seriously by a lot of people and a lot of democrats. this guy was considered a savior for a major political party in this country. greg: hatred for trump was so blind they cannot see how corrupt this guy was. >> as much as i like donald trump, if he is our only option in politics, we are screwed as a country. that is a real bad thing. we need in opposition that is not moronic. greg: exactly.

someone who cheats the disabled out of money. >> the devil is like keep this dude alive. i like my job. >> he gave the porn industry a bad reputation then he gave politics a bad reputation. greg: it's true. >> he has the best jobs out of all the democrats. greg: up next, is watching a video in a dorm and active hate? thank god they did not see what i watched in my door. makes it beautiful. state of the art technology makes it brilliant. the visionary lexus nx. lease the 2019 nx 300 for $359 a month for 36 months. experience amazing at your lexus dealer. visionworks can do more than the right pair of glassesat. can make you look amazing, too. get two complete pairs of single vision glasses for $59 or two progressives for $99. and choose from over 500 frames. visionworks. we're here to help you.

>> live from america's news headquarters thousands of antigovernment protesters marching in pouring rain in the albania capital. they want early parliamentary elections in the leader to resign. police used tear gas when they tried to storm the parliament building. antigovernment demonstrators also protesting in serbia on saturday. opposition leaders say they want to speak with the country's president about making democratic changes including free elections and a free media. protesters marching for the straight saturday in france but there were restrictions to keep them out of the main sections of the city. a little more than 30000 marched nationwide on saturday. now back to the greg gutfeld

shell. gutfeld show. greg: this guy thinks he is a hero for thinking over ben shapiro. it happened at michigan state university. back in september. a guy wakes up to find his roommate on his computer watching a video of not porn, not graphic violence but a video of ben shapiro. there you dirty conservative runs the daily wire and give speeches on the campus that they love to cancel. so the guy filed a complaint with the school's biased reporting system but in response they sent an investigator out to look at the matter and to see about getting a new roommate the guy wanted one. meantime, michael knowles with the daily wire spoke at the university of kansas city missouri with police tackled a student who is wearing a mask and tried to spray in odorous

substance. watch. greg: wow. i don't know what i just saw. it could not of been good. you speak at a lot of colleges don't you? >> he wouldn't text me back. greg: he was 17. >> 18 and up and only. do not accuse me of a crime on television. i actually wrote about this ben shapiro thing for national review. believe it or not, ben shapiro complaint may not have been even the most ridiculous complaint that a student file. another student file the report because they saw that someone had been playing hangman on a whiteboard and they used the word south. >> south, whiteboard, hangman, i get it. >> the word south. i am dead serious.

this is something that they thought needed the administration's attention. there is the kid i would hate to give directions to. i would say you had southeast, and he burst into tears. wait until you hear is about compasses. this college thinks that they're trained to give the students a comfortable learning environment. but what they're doing is ensuring that they're going to have an uncomfortable postcollege environment because they are not developing the skills that they need in order to solve their own problems. i have been in the real world myself for couple years, not to brag. [laughter] i know that sometimes your problems and sometimes they are little more serious than having to see the word south. sometimes. greg: it is hard to give directions, if you tell smitty go straight, take a left and then right then they say that half a swastika.

[laughter] >> what is happening. >> a lot of secret racism i wasn't aware of. i gps, great thing, if you don't like your roommate wearing thin shapiro you to say put your headphones on, i wrote my headphones, when watching cinemax after dark, i put the headphones on the blanket over my head when i was in school. what he watching, leave me alone. i want privacy. he was eavesdropping on his roommate. he was watching me watch videos guys. greg: that is creepy. i believe that is charlie's fetish, that some people will watch other people watching ben shapiro videos and then gratify themselves. >> that is your question. that is a question you been given. greg: are you worried for this country? >> i am.

i have kids, i do everything that i can to make them uncomfortable. to put them into uncomfortable situations. it's the only way that they will learn anything. they will learn who they are, what their limits are. they're probably going to be in psychiatrist chairs -- >> the good thing is, i won't be paying their psychiatric bills forever. obamacare will take care of it. greg: exactly. i believe the end result of hate speech is in the eye of the offended. so anything could be hate speech including pronouns. >> yes. and i was surprised this hasn't happened sooner. i think this guy, i thought he was a violent guy. because the things that you read about him is always like ben shapiro, precious salt lake, plays the entire campus liberal,

a look at a video, it's a guy talking really quietly. but the audience is screaming. and he is talking logically and quiet. greg: i would agree with the door me if they would've said turning off his voice is annoying. my wife does that, he is talking really fast like this, and liberals are this, and my wife is like, god stop it. he talks too fast. [laughter] still to come. our rock stars getting any younger? we try to help them out. we try to help them out. [cheerin

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greg: they did not die before they got will. now we worry when they catch a cold. [laughter] mick jagger, ozzy osbourne both in their 70s. most had to postpone concerts because of health issues.

aerosmith launched the biggest residency this week. aerosmith is making you come to them in vegas because moving around is getting too hard. [laughter] i am sure these guys have lived harder and rocked harder and partied harder than we will ever know. hell if i did all that i would not want to slow down either. why these rockstar legends should never leave the house without this. >> are you a rocker find it harder to rock out, then you need rock alert. rock alert is a wireless, having trouble finished the epic guitar solo, press the button and will contact your provider. rock alert. there for all your post show

needs. for everything else there is rock alert. why worry about turning 75 when you can still rock like 1975. try rock alert today. [applause] greg: to the rolling stones change her name to the kidney stones? [laughter] >> don't laugh at that. >> that was simply. you guys need to stop that. it is hard to tell somebody when it's over. but i feel like, i need to tell you guys it's over. they didn't want to let it go. it is for a specific group. most of you. they want to go out, but the fans have gotten old too. greg: exactly. >> when they go to the concerts,

people are complaining they can't get the walker and, it's too loud, i could hear what they're saying, your ear pieces, hearing aids get crossed off. it is murder for everyone. plus nobody wants depends on trade depends throne on the stage. greg: i believe this is new ground and profession that was designed to bring out before 30, and now refuses to leave because wisdom. they got older. they realized that it's actually better been an older rocker then younger because you're smarter, economically brighter, it makes more sense to do this as an older person. >> they were so awesome at it. and they are still awesome. all the music, i compare it to what you listen to today, hoses, pitches this. >> what are you listening to?

>> i like ozzy osbourne, leonard skinner. greg: you like white people music. >> i don't know, it was true. i loved it. i love it even more now. greg: i have a theory that they are aging is different because it affects all of us, it is a total of youthful rebellion that we grew up as these guys being hip and young and as they age we rely so do we. >> we do age and i love seeing these old acts. i love to see the rolling stones, i saw, currently fans, i only want to see old people. who cares about young people with guitars. anybody can do that. i want to see these guys stay on their feet. [laughter] you remember when steven tyler, he fell over a couple years ago. he is like a rock 'n' roll star, then he tipped over and then there's like there's a 70-year-old guy going down. the entire audience heard i've fallen, sir where are you?

greg: it's easy to be a young rockstar because you're young and fit. it takes a lot of discipline and hard work for people under people like big jagger. i like charlie watts, he presses like the drummer. it's about how you look as you age. you grow into it. >> i think it's way better to be old. i cannot wait to get soul super old. that is so funny. greg: ten years away. that is so funny. when you're old you can get away with so much. for real. i am just going to spend all my time in the streets scaring children like the shuffle guy from home alone. i'm going to be in every diner and they will say ma'am you did not order soup and also exactly and flip the table. i'll be yelling about where my egg salad in the home depot. asking for the hotmail nurse for my sponge bath.

and then when he gives it to me i will ask him to leave his wife. and then instead of being mad everyone will say she is so old. when i see all people out there behaving like normal humans i appreciate on one hand but on the other hand i think you're wasting it. >> have some fun. >> you know whose fault this is, it's young music. it is not good. the whole idea is to show guys out but the old guys are better. the guy with the guns and roses was in a chair because he fell and broke his leg. greg: even a punk rocker is entering their sixth or seventh decade. these are like the johnny runs of the world and they are still really great. up next. the very first image. i had no symptoms of hepatitis c. mine... ...caused liver damage. epclusa treats all main types of chronic hep c.

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and accessoriesphones for your mobile phone. like this device to increase volume on your cell phone. - ( phone ringing ) - get details on this state program visit right now or call during business hours. greg: it was every scientists goal to see a real black hole. researchers at the national science foundation say they captured the first image of the buckle. considers the theorist calls electric cheerio.

they shut the image with a global network of telescopes. of 55 million light-years from earth. that is why it's a little blurry. for my opinion of going to aaa. the theory that einstein had a hundred years ago was validated in one of the researchers who validated it was a 29-year-old named kate. she created an algorithm to get the image. and to think i can't even do my taxes. susan, this is amazing. if we can get a picture of it, surely we can explore. i wonder what is inside a black hole. don't you? >> there has never been a better time to visit the black hole. where you can see all the things a limited from earth. don't forget, foldable roadmaps, even balloon boy, remember him? cnn's radiance, myspace, and hillary clinton's aspirations.

go visit the blackhole today it's [bleep] cool. [applause] greg: i think it's made up. i don't believe it for a second period. >> i can't believe this. i want there to be a place where we can find all those things. i have read all the stuff and i do believe any of it. the place is made up. it's 55 million light-years away. and everything is sucked into the buckle and how do you take an image with 25 different cameras. that cannot be the image. i think it's totally made up. greg: i wonder if there climate change and is our fault? [laughter] >> the day i searched to see how they made the image, they constructed the image. it was part of a team of people who were constructing the image. >> that gal? >> that gal right there.

it wasn't just her who did it, it was a whole team of people. their job was to create the image. it was not a photograph. i'm trying to figure out what it is. >> is a cheerio set on fire. >> i'm not talking about men or women, i'm talking about the woman who was put on the screen. she was at the one, it was a whole team. greg: we get it you don't like women. i put this on paper decades ago, a guy named einstein. even that's an achievement or math and physics is way easier than we thought. >> einstein is a woman. [laughter] i was very excited when i saw this. because a woman did it. i am a woman. so that is basically like i did it. [laughter] greg: exactly. >> isn't that what feminism is. then you can stop shaving your

legs. but i was really excited but that i was not excited because i realized it was a fake thing which i was probably going to have to talk about on the show because greg is obsessed with space. and i don't feel qualified to talk about space because i've never been there. you feel perfectly qualified because you are a man. >> because we are in space. >> you are a man. >> we are floating in space right now. we are spaceship called earth young lady. greg: he just spit on himself. greg: there is no difference between earth in an airplane. were about the same size. >> i made it through the segment without spitting on myself so i went. >> you all are sexist pigs. i thought it was great. i was happy for the young lady.

as completed and pretty cool. the world does come around. in the world as we know it, were so small in the big scheme of things, the only thing i'm worried about, we have less than 12 years before this blackhole. [cheering] greg: it does give you something to think about. but i really forgot what we are talking about. my brain is a black hole. don't forget the monologue life is back in action. tulsa, oklahoma, may 5, dallas may 5 made the. tickets still available. final thoughts next. (mom vo) we fit a lot of life into our subaru forester. (dad) it's good to be back. (mom) it sure is. (mom vo) over the years, we trusted it to carry and protect

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>> that's what i said. >> yes. >> let's take a poll of average americans would you have a small well or a swell wall? [laughter] [applause] >> in your free time not watching this tremendous life take 25 minutes out of your life to listen to my podcast. >> it is off the rails no other podcast has banquet is really weird t1 enough. thank you. i am greg gutfeld. i love you america. [applause] [applause]

♪ >> welcome to "watters' world", i am jesse watters', broader entered fireworks fly on capitol hill between conservative commentator between candace owens and ted lowell at a hearing on hate speech. the exchange becoming the most viewed cspan twitter video for house hearing ever. nearly 6.8 million views watch the whole thing. >> i don't know ms. owens, i will not characterize her, i will let her own words do the talking. i will play for you the first 30 seconds of the statement she made abo