>> they're off in the preakness. congrats gal, out to the front with fighting mad running away in third to the outside. oh, pepe has opened up a four, a five-length lead with a fur long to run are. doesn't matter how you spell her name -- greg: trump even wins horse races. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ greg: sorry. you made it another week. you know what didn't? alyssa milano's sex strike. [laughter] yeah, she vowed not to have sex

for political reasons, and america was, like, who? [laughter] then after hearing her rant for a while, most people realize her vowing not to have sex might be a good thing. it's like hearing that maroon five is retiring from music. [laughter] or that the neighbor who keeps peeing in your yard finally died. [laughter] or maybe the public simply has better things to think about. that's the thing about celebrities. where do they find the time to lecture us about life as their own lives fall apart? maybe it's time we returned the favor. >> hi you know me as the guy who unclogged your drain. >> yes. replaced your hip. >> i changed your tires, fixed your transmission so your car didn't blow up. >> we're the nobodies of america. >> we aren't celebrities -- >> we aren't famous. >> but we heard some celebrities want a sex strike. >> so we're going to have a strike of our own. >> against those self-righteous

stars who preach morals -- >> who have had four marriages in five years -- >> against pop stars who post half naked selfies on instagram, then demand privacy when they get in trouble doing horse tranquilizers in a bathroom. >> go on talk shows while so obviously high as freaking kites. >> against obnoxious, overpaid actress who preached gun control while firing zillions of weapons in every movie -- >> against those who lecture us on the environment for hopping on a jet packed with hookers and blow. >> that were also flown in. >> how do we strike? >> the next time we're pushing some product -- >> we might just choose something else. >> or maybe, just maybe, folks -- >> we won't strike at all, because we've got a country to run. >> maybe you should remember that and quit being such jackasses. >> this message brought to you

by the nobodies of america. >> well done. [cheers and applause] greg: in other news, oh, yeah, turns out scientists reanimated lurch from the addams family and programmed him to run for president. [laughter] >> there's plenty of money in this world. there's plenty of money in this country. [cheers and applause] it's just in the wrong hands. [laughter] greg: it's too perfect. there's plenty of money in this country, it's just in the wrong hands? it's like they dug up karl marx is stretched him on the rack. [laughter] he's half idiot, half moron and all communist. the dems are screwed. they need to find their own trump, not their own marble slab of termite-infested driftwood. [laughter] is that a little harsh? anyway, de blasio running for president, can you believe it? >> i can't believe it. i just heard that the worst mayor in the history of new york city -- and without question the worst mayor in the united states -- is now running for

president. it's just not gonna happen. if you like high taxes and if you like crime, you could vote for him. but most people aren't into that. really, it'd be betr off if you got back to new york city and did your job with the little time you have left. [cheers and applause] greg: i don't care what you say, he is america's heckler. [laughter] but, boy, is de blasio hated. everyone despises him. cabbies, cops, lefties, righties! here's how the average new yorker greeted him as he announced his run. >> liar! liar! >> can't run the city, can't run the country. greg: oh, man, they treated anthony wiener better, and he's a sex offender. [laughter] and de blasio's own party hates him. 74% of democrats think he shouldn't run. he is less popular than subway

vomit. [laughter] here's the chart. yep, by a wide margin -- [laughter] people prefer subway vomit over a president dethe blass owe. -- de blasio. so why is he doing this? i have a theory. he's high. [laughter] the weed is getting way stronger -- [laughter] and he hasn't adjusted his intake. so now captain stoner thinks he can run the country. see, i prefer the good old days when you got high and ate uncooked ramen noodles, not run for president. [laughter] actually, the only reason this vertical t the urd is still here -- t the urd is still here, nyc had a great run under giuliani and bloomberg, so the city figured, hey, why not let an idiot run the city for a while? it's like getting a face tattoo. let's make my mother cry. america's not like new york. they like city slickers but only

if they're knocking the hell out of the swamp creatures. >> we are knocking the hell out of the swamp creatures, as we call them. they say, what the hell is going on? [applause] greg: or trying to pronounce the name of a bridge. >> i-10 bridge, you know the i-10 bridge? call-cak-coo. i like i-10 much better. do you mind? okay, you've been saying that word your whole lives. me, i just heard it about 20 minutes ago. [laughter] greg: can he just be president for life? [laughter] i wonder if bernie's crazy. >> bernie's crazy. [laughter] but bernie's got a lot more energy than biden, so you never know. no, no, bernie's got a lot of energy, but it's energy to get rid of your jobs. he's got the opposite energy

that you produce. not good energy. you don't like his energy. [laughter] greg: but what of pocahontas? >> pocahontas, i think, is probably out. [laughter] greg: thanks to him. meanwhile, life rolls on, and a prediction comes true. a few years ago we wondered here at the show what would happen if we reversed tensions with global adversaries, meaning instead of always hearing about how iran wants to destroy us, what if iran started hearing about us destroying them? what if america became the dangerous dude in the bar? well, it's happening. and what's the result? are you hearing iran shout "death to america"? nope. instead, you hear the ayatollah saying, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa -- [laughter] we don't want a war. where do you get that idea? that's the reversal. we used to be this guy. [laughter] now -- [applause] now we're in the guy. [laughter]

[cheers and applause] it ended well for him. it ended well for that gentleman. so we have a president willing to scare the other countries for once, and it's working, which also terrifies the media. i mean, what if this unstable maniac happens to be right and you're wrong? by now, they should be used to it. [cheers and applause] greg: thank you very much. finish let's welcome tonight's guests. he's so tough, barbed wire got a tattoo of him in the '90s, master sergeant terry schaaf earth. [cheers and applause] he's still attractive, he makes magnets jealous. his new book is called success factor x, actor sean canaan. [cheers and applause]

host of the tyrus and and timpf contest, kat timpf. [cheers and applause] greg: he's so tall, he's never seen a sunset, former wwe superstar, my massive sidekick tyrus. [cheers and applause] all right, terry. >> fantastic work there. greg: thank you. >> but he writes it for you greg: yeah, trump writes it >> he gives it to y on a a nice way. greg: i stop talking about how lazy i am -- [l and how much you've aged in the past years. [laughter] >> that hurts. greg: anyway, let's talk about -- you're pretty good with foreign policy. >> before we do this, that's for my mom, it's a picture from me. that's a unicorn -- greg: by the way, you can change

that picture after the show. not until. seeing the inside of an emergency room later. [laughter] yes, foreign policy. >> sorry. greg: yeah. let's get to the point, you rambling weirdo. iran, thoughts. >> they're really nice people. no. you're right, we were sort of talking about it back there. for once, it's nice to stand up to them. there's a lot of people wringing their hands. i was 25 years in special forces, so i get the potential problem and the life and death. i do get that. but i also know obama kind of, to his discredit, has set us up a bit here. $1.5 billion, validating them. and i was thinking about this coming in, we've normalized things. so we've normalized the idea that iran can have a nuclear weapon, now it's like let's not hurt each other. i get on a plane today from north carolina, i can't bring a water bottle, i can't do this, i have to pay extra money for -- greg: i have to wear pants and

boots, which is wrong. again, people forget, why are we doing that? well, there's a monument down the street here, but we just accept it as the new norm. greg: right. >> the new norm should not be let's just buckle and try to find a way. no, crush 'em. at least make them think they're going to get crushed, and that's worth it. greg: that's a good point, whatever your name is. >> why do you even is can me questions? [applause] greg: sean, didn't you do it's a full house? >> i did not -- no. greg you were with alyssa milano briefly. >> it was who's the boss. i can't remember, it was, like, 30 years ago. greg: back when you were in your 40s. >> yeah, right. [laughter] >> what's wrong with you? greg: what are your thoughts on -- let's talk about trump, or you can talk about alyssa, if you want -- >> whiplash right there. greg: we can talk about trump and his effect on politics in general. >> this whole thing that you were talking about terry with, i don't get these guys.

they're the ones that fund terrorism all over the middle east, and now suddenly their nose is out of joint because there's a carrier strike group sent over to check their asses? it's about time. they're like the little drunk guy after a bar closes, and they -- >> greg. [laughter] [applause] >> they start provoking the big guy, and when he starts walking toward them, they're like, hold me back, hold me back. greg: that is me. [laughter] although i just do it at home. i don't really go to bars anymore. you know, kat, are you tired of woke celebs? now they're just ultra woke. >> yeah, i am. and especially alyssa milano, because she may think that she's super woke and progressive and feminist, but what she was doing with this is actually one of the most sexist, puritanical things i've ever seen. what she's doing is perpetuating that antiquated notion that women only have sex as a

bargaining chip or as a concession to men instead of enjoying sex for its own sake -- [cheers and applause] greg: you pervert! >> and she said that republicans are the ones trying to bring about the handmaid's tale, she's also said republicans are -- she's all about women wanting the control their own bodies, but she's telling me what to do with mine? i don't think so. and also, what is sex? hi, dad. [laughter] greg: you're saying this purely from a hypothetical -- >> hypothetical. i took a guess. >> where are these girls that dig sex for sex -- [laughter] i'm asking. >> ironic, her new show is called insatiable. greg: see, i didn't even know she had a show. good for her. tyrus? >> i had planned a couple of strikes myself in counter of the sex strike. got at least five or is six other dudes --

[laughter] a conversation strike was going down, a checking-in strike was going down -- [laughter] and listening about your mother was going down. [applause] i had a whole, a whole bunch of 'em. >> an arsenal. >> guess what, ladies? you take that away, we got nothing to talk about. [laughter] but it's just a typical thing with celebrities. sex strike, who's with me? [laughter] you know what i mean? don lemon will run it anyway. usually people like, yeah, let's do it. let's be real. you don't have anyone to sex strike with, so you're already on a sex strike -- greg: it's like me giving up escargot. >> i just don't understand how she doesn't see the irony. bodily autonomy for women but don't have sex with yours. what are you talking about? greg: seems like she's no longer the boss. >> oh, my god, greg, well played. >> low hanging fruit.

greg: i'm very short, so i need it or i won't eat. that's how i survived in the serengeti. what am i talking about? [laughter] all right. i'm going to say, coming up, awesome beto gets a haircut. stay tuned. [cheers and applause] (client's voice) remember that degree you got in taxation?

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and it's simple, easy, awesome. >> and now, the greg gutfeld show presents the 2020 candidates. greg: nice job. 23 democrats, 23 faces, it's hike a collection of halloween masks and, boy, are they scary. only one will take on donald trump. will it be beto? he tried to reset his campaign on something called "the view." >> would you say those were mistakes, being on the cover of "vanity fair"? it's elitist, what? >> yeah, yeah. i think it reinforces that perception of privilege, and that headline that said i was born to be in this, in the article i was attempting to say that i felt my calling was in public service. no one is born to be president of the united states of america, least of all me. greg: oh, god -- >> i gotta say something. i have never in my career wanted

to do a fight for charity before -- [laughter] and i got that tell you, if beto wants to step in the octagon -- [cheers and applause] greg: sean, i find this interesting, but let me finish this. >> it is your show, greg. [laughter] greg: all right. is so this is the new beto. no more posting his trips to dentist. that was the old beto. the new beto live streams his haircut. [laughter] hey, beto the, how are the kids doing? >> they're done to under two weeks left in school, so they're all excited, this morning we were talking about how many days are left in the school year. we're cutting out some of this ear hair that you get when you get older. it grows out of your ears. you don't get it cut, it can be nasty. greg: he really is the opposite of appealing. [laughter] he's going to need a lot of

resets. meantime, kirsten gillibrand was asked if she was being underestimated. she said, quote: i think people are generally biased against women. what a mean thing to say about her own party. and wasn't the last candidate the dems ran a woman -- [laughter] who as dems like to point out, won the popular vote? that's gender bias? with such a big field, who will rise to top and possibly beat trump? maybe none of them? just ask mark cuban. >> who do you think has the best chance against president trump? >> nobody right now. [laughter] greg: kind of makes you wonder. [cheers and applause] 300g -- 350 million people, and that's the best we could do? >> 350 million people, and that's the best we could do. i don't think so. finish even as democrats, i can pick better than that. greg: oh, this is going to be fun. america's heckler. all right, kat, are you sexist

for not supporting kirsten gillibrand? >> i thought about that because i don't support her, and i didn't think i was sexist against myself -- [laughter] i don't think her problem is that she's a woman. i think her problem is that she is so boring that she can't make headlines. and even when she does, the headlines are about how boring she is. [laughter] >> kat, say that again. >> vote for me, i played beer pong with water! hike, vote for me, somebody just pushed past me to get ranch dressing while i was talking. [laughter] i am not a political consultant, but i feel like a good rule of thumb is if your candidate is less interesting than a condiment, you probably picked the wrong one. >> nicely done. [cheers and applause] greg: sean? is. >> yes, sir. greg: i believe you challenged beto to a fight because you know

you could beat him up. >> i don't even care, i just want to take a shot. [laughter] >> the apology. i'm sorry. [laughter] greg: you know, look, they have a saying in texas, and i know this because i'm from pennsylvania -- [laughter] >> this guy is all hat and no cattle, so get along, little doggy. i just don't get it. greg: i'm all at cattle and no hat, but that's a medical problem. >> i'm all beef and -- that's something else. greg: tyrus, i'm tying my shoe right now. >> you didn't even look down. that was good. [cheers and applause] now for your next trick, do this. [laughter] greg: terrible. thoughts on the race. >> is there one? i don't think -- you know what? i think the new slogan for, what is their, 25? 2024, i think we got this. [laughter]

that's where you go. they're in -- they're already on re-re-launches. greg: yeah, yeah. >> i thought, poor beto, man. he was getting fed lines. she was, like, so you're sorry, right? you're in "vanity fair", right? wow, i can't wait. how would that negotiation go with china? [laughter] >> right? >> he would come out of that meeting, i'd just like to say to remaining 36 states, we're going to get our stuff together. the rest of you, please pack your bags, you now belong to china. [laughter] sorry. greg: terry, i look at beto, and you can tell he's unhappy about his lot in life. he's a guy who really wanted his own ted talk. but to be up there and wave his arms about anything, he has no sub substance. he wishes he was in green day, is so he just had to marry a rich woman. >> that's true. there's some of them i don't even know. there's, like, 25. but the ones i see a lot,

they're basically garden variety, left-wing socialists that identify different victim groups, and those change all the time. i think a lot of people, whatever side you're on, the whole victim thing is getting kind of old. [laughter] greg: we need to get beyond that. all right, i've got to wrap. i personally at the new yorker would like to apologize to america for serving you de blasio and gillibrand. all right. up next the vick victoria's sect fashion show won't be on tv anymore. too bad, they were always so informative. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ what's going on up here? can't see what it is yet. what is that? that's a blazer? that's a chevy blazer? aww, this is dope. this thing is beautiful. i love the lights. oh man, it's got a mean face on it. it looks like a piece of candy. look at the interior. this is nice. this is my sexy mom car. i would feel like a cool dad.

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now back to greg gutfeld show. ♪ ♪ greg: the victoria's secret fashion show will no longer be televised. let me be the first to say night-y-night. [laughter] i hate you! that was great. >> i thought that was good. greg: for the first time since 2001, the underwear parade will not be seen on network tv. in a memo to staff staff, the company's ceo said network tv is no longer the right fit, and they will rethink the annual event. the show had been declining in ratings in recent years, so who knows, maybe it will be shown on some digital platform. [laughter] digital.

there's a joke in there, and i'm not going to explain if it to you people, because you don't deserve it. [laughter] anyway, meanwhile, i hear they're going to replace it with a remake of chips. [laughter] ♪ ♪ greg: is there any other way to ride, than dirty? sean, heart broken? >> i think it's a horrible idea, i don't support it. beg fan of victoria's secret. seeing the network executives saying, okay, we need something that's progressive, edgy, dynamic, let's go with season 17 of ncis. greg: there you go. [laughter] yeah. there is season 17, tyrus, of ncis. >> really? i'm still waiting for season 1. if it ain't law and order -- greg: is it depressing that somehow everything is going away because it's somehow violating something? >> yes.

tbrg gg yes. [laughter] >> i don't know how to answer that. greg: yeah, i know. >> you know, every time i ever heard about victoria's secrets, it was would i look fat in that? would you -- would i look good in that? yeah, you'd look phenomenal. a lot of thing girls have -- thick girls have wigs. it's an argument for me, i'm glad it's gone. [laughter] let's be honest. like, most women that we're in relationships with, honey, are healthy, and they're not starving molds on a runway. there's nothing wrong with the target underwear. it's good, it's fine. all good. [laughter] greg: any underwear, when you're there, if you get there, then it doesn't really -- it's like, hooray, that's great. terry, you buy a lot from victoria's secret, and you don't even have a girlfriend, which is interesting. [laughter] isn't it weird that it was on tv

in the first place? >> yeah. [laughter] good one, because i've never watched it. not because i don't like those girls with wings, because who doesn't like that, but it seemed weird. greg: where are the men, you kept saying, where are the men! [laughter] >> what are you laughing at? tyrus, hook at me, eye contact. -- look at me. a lot of judgment, tyrus. [laughter] thick girls with wings, that's going to stay with me. if you were watching network television, i felt like that was reading a playboy in front of my mom. you don't do that. >> you hide it under the bed. greg: also, kat the, it discriminates against the plain. i would get arrested if i dressed like that in a public park, and i know -- >> from experience. [laughter] >> a lot of my friends, who are women, enjoyed watching this -- greg: right.

>> and i don't get it. i don't know what's fun to sit there and be like, oh, her body's better than mine, i like this. [laughter] like why not just invite someone over to sit and call you a stuffy little troll for three hours? [laughter] i don't understand at all. [cheers and applause] but i have been forced to watch it though, greg, with those the friends, and knowing one thing made me feel better, they have fake hair too! [cheers and applause] greg: i don't know, i don't know. you know, part of me is, like, i never watched it anyway, never. but, like, beauty pageants are getting rid of the swim suit -- >> the it's not that they're going away, it's why. greg: you can't tell dirty jokes anymore at the hospital -- [laughter] anyway, i'd better move on. >> it's why they're going away that sucks. i'm not done. greg: up next, when's the last time you made a new friend? we've got a new product idea

that will make you the talk of the town. that's next. [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ greg: have we reached the end in finding new friends? a new study shows the average american hasn't made a new friend in five years. some reasons include shyness and introversion, commitments to family, lacking hobbies that allow them to meet new people. but thankfully, finding a new buddy just got a whole lot easier. watch. >> making friends is hard. i just moved to city, and i don't really have any hobbies. i just wish there were an easier way to make friends.

>> now there is. it's a briefcase full of $400,000. >> hey, what's up, guys? you want to talk about sports? >> we're okay, pal. >> what if i give you all of this money? >> okay, how about those mets? >> hey, do you think you could help me move my stuff? it's really heavy. >> sorry, buddy. >> wait, what if i gave you all of this money? >> i'll men -- help you out, dude. >> i have to tell you about my day, i'll give you all this money. >> i'm listening! >> it's yours for -- 400,000 shipping and handling. [cheers and applause] greg: tyrus, what are you thoughts on this study? >> the word friend is a big term. finish like, i think it depends on who you are. like, i made most of my friends when i was younger, and i really don't need new ones. so, and the places i go are not really places i want to make

friends, when i'm at the gym, on this show -- [laughter] things i just -- it's like different. also, i mean, people are on the internet so much, why do you want to be friends with a guy who's talking to a fake woman from vietnam on his id pad all day? the world's changed. there's not much interaction -- greg: it's hard to be a friend with you, tyrus. we can't go to park and play seesaw. [laughter] i'll go blind. i go flying into space. >> because that's what you want to do, you want to go to park -- see, i knew this was going to be some weird outlet. i'm not taking the magic pill with you either over wine, so let it go. greg: kat, thoughts? >> well, i think it's actually pretty easy to make friends. i make a new friend every, like, 10 hours. it is the keeping the friend that is hard. [laughter] especially if you're a woman. all you have to do, walk into a bar bathroom and start washing your hands next to someone.

or if that doesn't work, ask her for a tampon. you will have a conversation, you will follow each other on instagram, and you'll feel bad unfollowing each other, so you'll just keep following each other until you die, and if that's not friendship, i don't know what is, greg. [laughter] >> i hadn't thought about that at all. >> men don't talk in the bathroom. greg: i have a theory, terry -- >> yes, sir. greg: did you know that if you were murdered, there's a 95 chance that you, the victim, will know the perpetrate ther? so it's far safer not to know anyone -- [laughter] >> like if you don't want to get attacked by the shark, don't go in the water? greg: you die old and alone if you don't have friends, you don't get murdered. i'm working on it. >> yeah. i don't know, man, i think tyrus is right. the society's changed a bit. it depends what you do. most people when they get to their careers, they probably stay in that area.

me, as an international man of mystery, i'm meeting people all the time. [laughter] i'm meeting all sorts of friends -- greg: there's not much mystery to you. we know what you do -- >> not nice, and i'm not loving your tone, but that's okay. we'll get along -- this is why we're not together anymore, because you like to embarrass me in front of people. i think it changes and there's a lot of internet stuff but, yeah, man, i make new friends quite a bit. it depends. but i think when you're younger -- >> i'm talking about core friends. that you don't have to speak to, like, me and my boys don't talk for, like, five years -- >> yeah. i won't talk to those cats forever, but when i get on the phone -- greg: cats? >> you can be friends -- >> i talk like an upside down pyramid. when you get older and you know what you want out of life, your friend pool gets smaller and smaller. >> that's why, right. [laughter] >> and we start dying. greg: that's true. most of my friends are dead. usually it's my fault. [laughter] yeah. terrible cook.

>> you are a terrible cook. greg: that's right. >> but a great cuddler. greg: you should look at friends like as an expertise leech are, meaning that you have a satellite of pals, and each one has a unique talent that you can exploit, kind of like superfriends. >> like an a-team. greg: each friend should have something, and you should have something too. i don't, but -- >> so just use people. greg: thank you for saving me on that. [laughter] all right, up next, is humor dead? well, if you're watching seth meyers, the answer is probably yes. [cheers and applause]

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to the next month if you don't use them, and if you don't like a book just swap it for free. enjoy 100% ad free listening in the car, on your phone or any connected device. and when you switch a device pick up right where you left off. with our commitment free guarantee, there's never been a better time to start listening to audible. the most inspiring minds, the most compelling stories, the best place to listen. to start your free 30-day trial, text listen5 to 500500 today. ♪ ♪ ♪ greg: they weren't amusedded at his joke about booze. a man was allegedly are booted off a southwest airlines flight for making a joke about vodka. takeoff was delayed a few hours. attendants were giving out water, and one guy asked if they were handing out vodka, because

they'd been handing out forever. the guy joked, hey, this isn't vodka. she didn't laugh, and despite other passengers defending him, the plane returned to the gate, and cops asked the man to leave. southwest, to their credit, instant hi executed him. [laughter] they released this statement: we regret any less than positive education appearance a customer has onboard our aircraft. makes sense, it could have been worse, could have been this guy. >> oh! [laughter] greg: child should be arrested. sean, i maintain that humor is a device that is used to deescalate situations from violence. we have a generation that doesn't like humor. which mean we're going to have more violence. >> i completely agree with that. first of all, isn't southwest supposed to be the fun airline? greg: yes! >> i read this article, and basically, i guess the guy who got kick off, his wife had said to flight attendant, hook, we've

all been on this tarmac for a while, take it easy, and she said, well, i've been on the tarmac too for a while, and i'm like, you're a flight attendant. [laughter] it's your job. greg: that is so true. >> give me a vodka. greg: terry? >> what. greg: i don't know. [laughter] this is the part where you respond with witty or informative -- >> banter. i don't actually drink on planes, man, i feel crappy when i get to where i'm going. so that's all i've got. but i think you're right about the sense of humor. [laughter] you're right about -- i think if you, segwaying a little bit, you can see how society is or isn't is the state of comedy. comedians now are shackled. they won't go on campuses because they get -- it's not funny anymore. greg: some are actually embracing the humorlessness. like seth meyers, you watch his show, and he's basically a school marm.

yeah. people used to be shocking, kat. >> i was going to say the minute the shocking stuff and the ability to say these kinds of things, the ability to have that, it's taken away from you, you're done. society's like -- you're getting crushed. it's a good thermometer. barometer. greg barometer, thermometer -- >> here we go. of. greg: it's a bigger problem than the southwest story which we're using as a trampoline to bigger issues. >> right. i am a libertarian, so i feel like most things should be legal. this should not be. because if you can't make a joke about a liquid that comes from a root vegetable, you are not living in a free country. greg: that is true. >> i just wish i could have been there at the gate when they had to turn around, ma'am, why'd you turn this plane around? well, because a guy made a joke about a vegetable product. if you can't have that kind of power if you're that kind of stupid.

i really, really don't think you can. [cheers and applause] greg: tyrus, this could be a story that had another part to it that we don't know? >> oh, there's a big part to it, and i can't believe no one's letting this go. the story says man can kicked off the plane, that means his wife went anyway? [laughter] he got kicked off the plane, and his wife said, well, i mean, i told you not to -- timing's everything. a bad joke is a bad joke. he got kicked off by himself. >> yeah. i'll take your cheese-its. >> the wife went. we're okay with that. [applause] if it would have been the other way around, if old margaret -- we'll call her margaret, i like that -- if margaret cracked the vodka joke, guess what her second joke would have been? greg: what? >> let's go. honey, why are you sitting there? [cheers and applause] [laughter] and then the husband would have been, like, well, dear -- i'm going. and then he would have had to leaf. sexist, man.

greg: i think this is the product of safe spaces. i mean, i'm probably 87% wrong on this, maybe the flight attendant is younger -- >> we don't know. >> or really old. >> it wasn't -- greg: old flight attendants are hilarious. they are so much fun, they always give you booze, and they watch fox. >> it wasn't even a joke. he just said this is not vodka. that was true. it was just stating the fact. >> it was ridiculous. greg: if you're telling kids that a joke is like a physical projectile so when somebody says something, they go, ooh, ah! that's my impression -- >> i'll give it a 6. greg: do i have a future in acting? the. >> tighten up a little bit, you're good. greg: you know i'm a method actor, or am i a methadone actor? anyway -- that's good. [laughter] final thoughts next. [cheers and applause]

>> final thoughts. it's the last thought! that's why it's called the final thoughts, okay? greg: all right! final thoughts, terry. >> sounds kind of depressing. hey, i got a pretty funny show on amazon and netflix, it's called hollywood weapons. big fun, explosions, guns. check it out. [cheers and applause] greg: sean? i assume you have a new book out. >> i do. i have a new book out. it's called success factor x with my partner, joe lieberman. we went to 50 of america's best and asked them for their advice, and one of those is master sergeant terry schappert. [applause] >> they were going to ask greg, but they just figured out he's not that successful.

[laughter] greg: you're fired. kat? >> i don't know. i seriously ate too much the cabbage before the show, and i just want to go home. greg: what is the effect? >> i feel like i'm going to throw up. greg: really? >> it was stuffed cabbage. greg: that could be great tv. >> if i threw up? greg: yeah. >> okay, elle work on it. -- i'll work on it. [laughter] >> if you get a chance, check out tyrus and timpf -- >> oh, yeah. [laughter] >> throwing up cabbage or the podcast. maybe i can get her to throw up on there next week. [laughter] [cheers and applause] greg: well, i think we threw up a good show. thanks to terry, sean, kat and tyrus, our studio always yens. [cheers and applause] i'm greg gutfeld, i love you, america. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ evening.

>> john: joe biden officially kicks off his 2020 campaign, the former vice president called for unity and slams president trump as the so-called divider in chief. good evening i'm john scott, this is "the fox report." biden hosted a rally this afternoon in philadelphia to jump start his bid for the white house. he touted his record of bipartisanship in the senate and urged supporters to put aside what he calls angry politics telling them the path forward is together. >> people want a president to add to our division, and with a clenched fist, a closed hand, a hard heart, to demonize and spew hatred. they don't need