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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  May 26, 2019 1:00am-2:00am PDT

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♪ >> i will be very calm because i don't want them going out to the press and saying i was anything but to call. i was extremely calm, but like i am right now, so calm and you also meet minutes later but i was at a news conference and externally called the narrative was i was screaming and ranting and raving and it was terrible what was my tone yesterday? >> very calm that was my attitude yesterday? >> [inaudible]. president trump: i'm an extremely, stable genius. [laughter] greg: he did not ask me but i think he's calm. [laughter] ♪.
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greg: you know it is summer when the old cranky pieces of junk you see on the road start overheating and breaking down. >> [inaudible] >> big gavel to go to november 2020, which i agree, and lose it's the end of democracy. greg: another batch of broken star suffering from more morbid stupidity is a real movie role dry up they fill the gaps with cartoons and remakes as the beverly hills basket cases boys outrage against the orange monster but it's insane what trump has done to hollywood. he scrambled more brains than a bucket of bad acid. now, all they do is spew identical nonsense exchanging one script for another. look at the transformation. this was jim carrey before trump. >> it was insane. unbelievable but the penguins
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were happy that's all i care about. greg: this is an after trump. >> [inaudible]. greg: this was jeff daniels before trump. mac television is really coming right into our living rooms in a way it never has before. greg: this the same after trump. >> camera, whiskey, we got it here and [inaudible]. greg: this is robert de niro before trump. >> we are not anti- vaccination but just we want safe vaccination. greg: this is an after trump. >> parrott, hammett, different looking child. [inaudible] [laughter]
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greg: this is rosie before trump. >> yes! yes completion point. greg: this is hurt now. >> [inaudible]. greg: at least she is consistent. she has always felt this way, not about trump but about you. trump, after all, is a symbol for the rest of america that bad wasteland in between the rehabs of melville and the restaurants of new york, they hate you. they hate me. they hate everything that is not by the crap they are selling which is themselves. maybe it is time we do we turn the paper but how about an
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honest tourist guide for hollywood. ♪ >> go to hollywood for the land where shallow people seek validation. go see a movie, they suck. you can stroll down the historic walk of fame or dodging hustlers, and vagrants with stab you in the eye for a quarter. get assaulted by harvey weinstein. desperate parents of child actors who sell their kids soul for a part in a rap video.
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of course, the timeless stories of romance. older men with younger actresses who could be their daughters is older actresses are abandoned in nearby canyons. hollywood, it's for losers, meaning it is not for you. [cheering and applause] greg: nice. it's harsh, it's sad when you find out people you thought were talented were just lucky and stupid. you realize their intellectual growth was stunted the moment they decided to chase the spotlight and actual thoughts were replaced by one refrain, me, me, me and started where they were turned that barren yard in the brain where wisdom was supposed to be and if find nothing but the same thought they had when they were 15. their opinions are literally childish. the politicians are right behind them and after the collision narrative claps the cries for impeachment only increased. >> the recalcitrance of the president makes me more and more difficult to ignore all alternatives including impeachment. >> i see more people that believe impeachable offenses
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occurred. >> obstruction of justice. yes, these can be impeachable offenses. greg: there so dumb they can see how dumb they are. impeaching trump is not just impossible but suicidal, they fail he's a folk hero and they succeed he's paul bunyan. then you get mike pence and mike pence is not exactly a liberal. he's so conservative his flag pin wears a flag pin. [laughter] meanwhile, house how is trump handling it? bigger issues like when the sun was in his eyes. >> i thought that was the sun in my eyes. it's the stupid lightning -- what are they doing? is there any way they can turn those lights down? crazy. you got a thing called the sun and we like the sun better than the artificial. greg: he's a pro son. that's good and that's a lot of
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people. greg: . president trump: that's a lot of people. looks like the academy awards used to look before they went political against us to mac now the academy awards is [inaudible] [laughter] greg: i don't know what that sound is but i agree completely. he's had such an easy life. president trump: i had such an easy life. people say i had such an easy life. who the hell it would be this difficult? but i love it. greg: you know he's right but think of different politics is. if you met with someone in real life to discuss work were not first publicly accused him of a crime but that is what nancy did to trump before the infrastructure meeting. i think he handled it well. president trump: i don't think nancy pelosi understands the deal but it's too competent. she's a mess. let's face it but she does not
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understand it. i don't want to say crazy nancy because of i said that the state to crazy bernie and that's no fair but crazy nancy. i've been watching her for long period of time which is not the same person. she's lost it. it was sad when i watched nancy moving with the hands in craziness and that is a person who's got problems. [laughter] greg: how can you not reelected that? all this insanity swirls around him and he still presides over good stuff booming economy, low on appointment world which are enemies feel the gaze of and we can giant but i felt for those farmers at that that guideline trump expected to think that ten minute so he thought after drinking that 32-ounce gulp i'll wait to go to the bathroom. then ten minutes became 45 and a trump press is like a plane on the tarmac. you could be there for days. meanwhile, all the dems can do
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is investigate, litigate and hyperventilated with hollywood at the side in the media aching them on it's truly a new movie a stop action classic a sequel, if you will, call it dumb and dumber and dumbest of all. [laughter] [cheering and applause] greg: let's welcome tonight's guest. if you are feeling sick, he'll do the trick. host of the radio show doctor drew doctor drew pinsky. [cheering and applause] he is smart, charming and completely disarming, author of up in the air and communist at magazine, walter heard. [cheering and applause] she's got 99 problems and tell you everyone. host of and cearley cat, coming soon to vaccination. [cheering and applause] when he's tired he rests his head on canada armor wwe superstar and host of the new
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show enough that coming soon to fox nation, tyrus. [cheering and applause] everyone has a new job. all right, doctor drew, so much. >> before we start. when he said extremely stable genius i thought of you and thought extremely stable genius. greg: this world is in such a good place that we can yet entertain this public roasting that the only reason we can enjoy this is because nothing bad is going on. >> is uncanny. things are going well we have these horrible rhetorical thing. greg: walter, you look great. >> that the reason i came. [laughter] greg: what are your thoughts? on general or this business? impeachment. i hear that word and think of that charlie brown following special the great pumpkin where the kids go to the pumpkin patch and wait because lucy's told them the great pumpkin will but
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that is every liberal in america right now out in the pumpkin patch being rained on waiting for the great impeachment to rise above the horizon but it's never coming and i feel sorry and i know a few of them having a difficult time. greg: you work with them. >> i've been out working with hollywood and i can tell you it's much worse than you think. [laughter] people who hate him a lot can't even hang out with people who just hate trump you have to be in the same band within your hatred of trump and then captivate the kids and give reasons for hating the kids and its conversation. >> on the fate boxes anger. if to hate me for being on greg gutfeld. greg: it's hatred by connection. you do the show they have to talk to you and tell you not to do the show how can you do box and it keeps moving and also
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it's not about not liking trump but you have to be part of the resistance or you are the enemy. >> anything short of loading trump is considered collaborating. greg: yes, exactly or normalizing. greg: kat, do you care to normalize anything? kat: no, not really. [laughter] actually, yeah, i want to normalize on a first day asking them whether they consider being buried next to you or not that's one that one something i was thinking about in the shower the other day. greg: you don't waste time? tyrus: maybe sit one out, greg. kat: why do you want to get very next meet why are we here? kat: . tyrus: that's a huge commitment. kat: i think i'm a catch commitment should matter.
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greg: let's talk about trump's beset. kat: people are overreacting and i like when people hate me for working at fox news which many do because then i can say they hate me because of my work and don't have to think about the other reasons why they might take me. [laughter] greg: you get a lot of that. kat: yeah, but i need to stop after people if they want to be buried next week before last word to you, tyrus. is a trump coming at america's favorite uncle? tyrus: i'm shocked that you people that are mad at you because of fox news. i've got a great car so they don't know what to do when i say it's because i'm black. skews me, they blow up. it's phenomenal. this secret especially in california and a video that was
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rough but it's dead on. i grew up in and it is like that where there's this secret society of join the resistance but also this were like tyrus, you're doing a good job. is greg really that short? yes, he is. i don't think it's as many of the hate but they're all in one place and you're trying to write a tv show surrounded by people talking about the lives and voices and stuff and trump tweeted something and my god, stop working for the media. small group of the rest of america is doing just fine. greg: i have a feeling when people see you don't like fox i don't think they confront you, tyrus. tyrus: no, they don't. they say you work at fox cool. [laughter] greg: all right. gutfeld monologue slide saturday in new jersey and tickets on sale now go to g gutfeld .com
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for ticket information. there will be tour dates added to the fall. information coming up soon. i'm still awesome. [cheering and applause] these folks, they don't have time to go to the post office they have businesses to grow customers to care for lives to get home to they use stamps.com print discounted postage for any letter any package any time right from your computer all the amazing services of the post office only cheaper get our special tv offer a 4-week trial plus postage and a digital scale go to stamps.com/tv and never go to the post office again!
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greg: when you're no longer making a splash, no one cares about your trash. opposition research, commenting in politics, someone's running profits in their opponent hires a firm to dig dirt unless you are beto. requests for dirt on beto have dried up. no one thanks he's a threat anymore. latest poll shows beto talking for a place with amy what's her face. beto was third back in march and now at the top, joe biden, second but losing bernie, this week for korea that biden was a low iq idiot. someone is learning from trump. not even north korea can be bothered to troll beto or diblasio whose been in the race for a week and democrats already know he stinks. he scored the lowest favorability of all candidates,
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see that long bar going in the down direction? that is diblasio's favorability. that's among democrats. that's among democrats. if graphs are not your thing here deposit deals favorability in video form. greg: i hate it when we do that for a video. that was not -- i'm making a morbid joke. walter, the candidates, what are your thoughts on the democratic field? >> first of all, he did not say low iq but that was mistranslated the word used for biden was the man with eight arms and hands. [laughter] the octopus and in south korea it means [inaudible] [laughter]
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but now it's moved to the candidates just one month ago he was mowing lawns in my neighborhood and now running for president. also he does not resemble [inaudible] but remind me of that that is pete and what other candidates, kamala harris, i don't know what to think of her but she's been nowhere and was front-runner and a lot of what people talked about earlier apparently they have something on her. i don't know. elizabeth warren, i think, i don't want to be nagged, scolded and tweeted like a bad third-grader but whenever was before talks to me like i've done something wrong and have to apologize and i'm not sufficiently virtuous. kat: that's how i feel when anyone talks to me. >> i want to state modernize
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your haircut. but who's the real front-runner? b5 biden? sanders? >> sanders keeps on going so why are they deserting him? i thought the new beatles and yet what happened? greg: little be the beatles trivia there. >> we used to have a problem with eating politicians but people don't understand the process of aging is inevitable and these people are entering office at an age when in my profession you be pulling people aside and say it's time to step out. greg: i don't plan on being alive. >> that's a different issue but we can talk later, greg. fiercely but this is a problem. we have the age of after which you can become president and no upper limit and we are people that will be -. greg: no one has said this. lower limit 35 but we set the
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sky is the limit and you can be grandma moses. >> and woodrow wilson in the country for a year and half after a massive stroke. we never address this issue and we will have to because we are people that are in front of our eyes developing medical proble problems. greg: we could have a dead president. >> jimmy carter could be president. he's only served one term. tyrus: never a worse time than to be a white democrat. what that is was working thinking about when the public into the big field there was a lot of movement and a lot of intense battles between them and they were drawing lines in the sand and making strong stances and people were making decisions that i'll be a rubio guy or and it was like you and me making jokes but i think truck can do it and no, he can't but we knew everyone involved and they had a voice. this [bleep] is over. it's a bunch of people saying i
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looked through the channels and they don't address them as presidential candidates but they talk about the job they have n now. [laughter] like senator such and such and by the way running for president. it's already over. this is really i think biden unless what doctor d was talk about and father time creeps up on him gets reset during the speech he's got it. then that will be will. greg: it will be scary, cap it none of the candidates can see their blind spots, you know. kat: especially not bill diblasio. diblasio running for president of the united states is like a quarter trying to start a home makeover show. [laughter] has he been to new york city? maybe not because he takes motorcades everywhere but if he
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stepped outside for a minute he'd be like wow, it's not like peas. and you know why? because there is peace everywhere. i saw a man peeing off the subway stairs one time at port authority is a man with pants around his ankles rotating in a circle peeing like a lawn sprinkler. the only thing more than there is pee is trash. diblasio 2020, pee and trash. pee and trash are more popular than his campaign. greg: sad, sad sack of people. of next, michael r menotti is a household name. the deadliest
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seasons for climbers. now back to the greg gutfeld show. ♪. greg: it's pretty dark journey for the world's worst attorney. more charges for michael avenatti this week and this time they charge the creep with defrauding stormy daniels but yeah, he screwed her and she paid him. [laughter] talk about a career reversal. but he claims the charges are political payback. he told the washington examiner that will begin close to the president that this had trump's fingerprints all over it. because republicans close to the president are talking to michael avenatti, all day long. no, that's the media's job. vanity fair came out with an interview this week and called
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it inside the epic fall of michael avenatti. he called it garbage. boo who is blaming everyone for his troubles now but what to expect when a year ago the media tweeted him like this. >> is joining us is michael avenatti. >> you are something of a folk hero. >> joining us is michael, great to see her. being a lawyer is minimal compared to what he's doing. >> look at the field of democrats and avenatti is one who stands out. >> joining us to discuss it is normal stormy daniels lawyer, michael avenatti. >> if they decide to value a fighter, they would be foolish to underestimate michael avenatti. >> gone and a lot of shows me tv appearances. greg: have you ever seen bigger pile of insatiable morons? every one of those people should be suspended. they should all be suspended like when your high school and did stupid stuff. he would have been better
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informed if cable shows have booked these two instead. ♪. greg: kat, thoughts on avenatti? kat: i refuse to talk to him on television because he thrives on attention and people paying attention to him more than anything else and i'm not going to give him what he wants. what else will you do? do a segment where we go by hillary clinton pantsuits or by anthony weiner a brothel or a guy who follows me on instagram with the handle daddy loves your pretty feet and always asking for pictures of my feet so why don't i cut off a table and mail it to him? no, i will not do that or talk about him and give him what he wants an answer to your question is just, what who is michael
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illuminati? greg: i followed that, walter. can we point out that even though were laughing at him this guy to try to ruin kavanaugh's life by fabricating a gang rape charge. he's an awful person. >> every stripper has a boyfriend like this. [laughter] kat: where are you going with this? >> $900 a night and they drive an old ford fiesta. where does the extra money and up? avenatti of the world have been running this game for everyone everyone. she says he owes $300,000 but she spent off and she came in with a garbage bag of filthy ones, threw it on his desk and he supposed to keep track of that? [laughter] >> i think we watched the trump derangement syndrome in full blossom. all this is required to be a part of the team is to hate him and his family and if you do that you have nothing you can do is wrong and by the way, we
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don't care about your background, professional behavior and we won't even che check. greg: nicole wallace, she's the parental quest and he was the dummy or he was the ventriloquist and she was the dummy but either way they are both cohabitating in this weird antitrust world so anything they could say but you can't that it. >> why would they bother? he's speaking magic and towing the line and one of us. it's a weird, delusional, when two people call it it's called [inaudible] but i don't know when millions of people do it. >> cnn. greg: sounds like something i paid for. tyrus: and out you want to talk to me. no -- before he could go away for 400 years or maybe cut that in half but get out in 200. tyrus: what is funny is this was not like his first time doing this. his entire career has been robbing clients and he's fond of people in wheelchairs or people
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dealing with hospital lawsuits and stuff like that but what he does is get the money from the settlement and people call him and say that i'll sue them for not giving it to you and he spends his clients money. this was nothing new but white that if -- this is a great comment that you have to give her credit because he saw an opportunity and it wasn't until the kavanaugh situation when i finally realized this wealth might be worse than the will for trying to get rid of. every time there was a problem he had something to say and that's when he got greedy. every time like we think trump might -- i have an iceberg melting i can be on tv tonight with the iceberg. greg: this is the thing. i'm critical of the cnn but is it anybody there running the joint? to allow the guide -- he ran their news coverage every single day on and they kissed his ass and it was disgusting while he
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was ruining people's lives. cnn, go look up julie sputnik? what happened to her after she said she saw kavanaugh in a gang rape and where are the journalists? kat: they don't need her anymore. it's all about publishing and end. greg: up next, story about politics, donuts and sports. what else do you need?
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♪ ♪. greg: i was espn reviled? because he let politics run while but after some hard lessons the president of espn which is a sports channel now say it's yours are coming to them for political opinions which makes sense it being for sports and all. before this here is what has been going on over there. >> this is not the way political leaders behave and i understand that part of the fuel to appeal to the most debased part of his face. >> he was insulted them and
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childish. greg: meanwhile at dunkin' donuts vp for this at a conference quote, we are not starbucks or political but we are not going to put stuff on our cups to start conversations we want to get you in and out of our store in seconds. they hate their customers. i'm kidding. i hope this trend continues i'm glad dunkin' donuts want to give me my coffee and get me out of there. if only they were as fast as mcdonald's. >> to sweeties, please. put that on debit. thank you. >> have a great day. greg: wow. that is fast, tyrus. tyrus, politics is great when you keep it in its box. tyrus: where it needs to be. greg: don't want to put it into music or sports. tyrus: ruins the moment.
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that's like having to have sex with your wife and talking about dentistry. greg: that is foreplay. kat: don't do that. [laughter] tyrus: you don't know what sex is but one day you will. espn is great when it's about sports and i enjoyed watching it and i would be the sports and drive for hours of time to get what's going on but then i stop doing that because it became more like gossip and stuff. once they go that route you lose your base and people -- do you want to go to dunkin' donuts? i could not agree more. give me my jelly and coffee and i'm out. i no longer need to sing struggling novelist working on their battery on their laptop with their screenplay and talking about the thong song from 1995 and the new cd and a copy maker but just give me my mac drink and get out but good for dunkin' donuts.
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politics is in your house or if you're in politics go debate or watch a show like this and seek it out but should not be dumped on you. greg: we do politics right we don't take it fiercely. that is why it happens is because the media rewards politics radical politics in any pop-culture form whether a musical artist you always get more press. >> people believe that and that has people are tired of it. how weird we live in a time when business distinguishes itself from all of the businesses by saying there a no politics here but that's weird. for the record, i'll listen to steven smith read the phone bo book. greg: he is interesting. walter, if you look at him like brie larson, you know her, every time she was interviewed she had to spout political thing and that made it that became the spotlight instead of captain marvel which became a marble. >> right, two things i read recently a lot of people who suffer from trump derangement
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system and were most vocal and upset and depressed and overeating were faking it in order to show support for other democrats. in other words a competitive misery of going on. your knee hurts? both of mine hurt. you threw up because of trump? i had diarrhea. [laughter] in fact, neither one threw up or had diarrhea but they just want to prove -- it's become established. >> is a virtue suffer. >> were suffering signal. greg: i just coined a phrase. please do a blurb for it. kat: i'd be honored. i've done actual reporting on this issue. i'm not joking. not doing a bit. remember when starbucks did that race together thing where they encouraged customers to talk to burritos about racial issues and getting their coffee, i made a video for national review where
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i wore a hidden camera and went and did that and i did not solve racism and did have a lot of people behind me there were very pissed off and wanting their coffee though so i think the endowment has the right idea that people when they go to a coffee place generally want coffee. groundbreaking stuff. greg: it is. politics was amended to keep us from beating each other to death and now will beat each other to death because of putting politics into everything. it's disgusting and wrong and i am kind of against it. of noxious brats in summer camps, that's up next. [cheering and applause]
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the best place to listen. to start your free 30-day trial, text listen5 to 500500 today. ♪ ♪ ♪. greg: there is a new kind of camp for your attention seeking camp. youtube summer camp for kids sends your brother to learn how to become a youtube star. they learn how to shoot video, edit and create a personal brand. it's for kids from ages ten-17. when it is over to come home with a video for the parents can
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post online putting yourself on youtube can be dangerous or profitable if you are lucky it is both. remember, that's what lawyer laughlin's daughter was making a living at until her mother made her go to college. as youtube camp good or bad? can't be worse than that summer i went to lumberjack camp. [laughter] greg: up at my pain. okay, i'll go to the people with kids. >> under no circumstances. unless, my daughter was this lady in yellow but then i'm afraid she'd kill me if i didn didn't. greg: she'd bury you in the backyard. >> we be buried next to each other. [laughter] kat: thank you, drew. greg: all right. walter, how about you? >> send my kids to youtube camp? damn right i would. number one, every time my kids
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would spend the night with the phone on its youtube camp. in other words, they disappear. off at camp at least they could produce eight moneymaking constructive version of what they're doing all the time. >> i believe only look at screens like tobacco. one day, i really do. i think will take them away from them people because they had negative influence. i'm sorry. >> i actually thank you two came of the thing and doing all the time and giving them the opportunity to learn the language of film and so on, damn, make a camp. nose picking camp. greg: i went there. [laughter] i think it's important, kat, human brains are fully developed as teens. teens and preteens cannot assess risk at all but whether driving or putting themselves in public places or tweeting so you got to
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train them before they ruin their lives, right? kat: if i were a child and this were a thing i would have begged my parents constantly to go to youtube camp. it's a whole camp where they teach you how to get more attention and make money off attention. do you know what i had to do? this is sad but i had to figure out how to seek attention at regular camp. and there is only sometimes you can put this more as stick in your mouth and run around saying you are a walrus before people get sick of it and even had to put them in my nose and said i'm a nostril walrus and then -- it was difficult for me and i can't make fun of anyone else's pants. because in high school i went to your book camp. worse than that. i went to your book camp two times. greg: fantastic. [laughter] kat: not the most popular kid in school. greg: they should have hired you to look into ralph northam. kat: i blew it.
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greg: terrorists, i think this is a good idea and i took. tyrus: you do? greg: i took my nephew aside and lectured him on what not to do in social media. tyrus: yeah, you got to. >> parents need to do something. the student depend on indian lore learning to shoot a bow and arrow. tyrus: walter, you've been locked in a closet for the last liberals for the last month but my name is tyrus and you are walter. me tyrus, you walter. greg, ask me question, i then answer. we are only a 40 minute show. [laughter] write it in a book, i'll read it. you know i will. >> you are on every week, tyrus,
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give me a break. i spent six months in hollywood and i am frustrated. tyrus: i get it. you forgot your name. greg: this is like pelosi and trump. >> no, it's not. neither one of us are drooling or making stuff up. he clearly cut me off. he does not know any better because he's been in room without people talking about feelings for eight hours a day and just trying to write a script so i get it but i hate the idea of camp. look, not all your little sweethearts are talented you to birth, mom and dad. if they were good at it they be doing it with my daughter and son can break down or break any lock in my computer in my house. i do not need to send them to damp camp for that. when the camera comes off, they go on studer. if you want to pay $1000 for them to send your kid to -- i can download stuff, put the camera on. you don't got talent nor charisma. greg: walter, get the last word. >> who cares -. tyrus: but i just think --
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[cheering and applause] greg: . kat: how come none of you cared about what he did it to me? tyrus: you're not grouchy. [inaudible conversations] greg: i think we might have time for final thoughts but i doubt for final thoughts but i doubt when we started our business
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it traps and removes the waste that weighs me down, so i feel lighter. try metamucil, and begin to feel what lighter feels like. >> one final so walter take it away. >> duncan donuts will never get out of politic because all of the donuts there resemble politicians. [laughter] take the jelly filled donut it is white on the outside and red in the middle. just sw like bernie sanders. [applause] nicely done. all right --
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thanks to dr. drew our studio audience -- i'm greg -- about a good evening. ♪ >> a new setback for president trump border wall amid ongoing migrant crisis at our southern border. good evening i'm l jon scott this is the "fox report." jon: a federal judge rules white house cannot tap into defense funds for the wall project. this after the president declared a national emergency in order to redirect the money. jeff paul has a the story from dallas. jeff. reporter: this is stopped the border wall project that according to the ruling could have started as early as a today. the president is now responding to this decision on twitter saying, another act of obama appointed judge is just ruled against us on a section of the southern wallha

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