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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  October 20, 2019 1:00am-2:00am PDT

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"the greg gutfeld show" is coming up next. i will see you saturday if i don't see you this week. >> maybe we have a better president than you do. greg: can't argue with the facts. it was billed as a democratic debate. but it sounded like an angry ex-wives club. they kept saying the same damn thing about him. >> donald trump. >> donald trump. >> donald trump.
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>> mr. trump. >> donald trump. >> focus on donald trump. >> i think about donald trump. greg: of course you do. and of course they all do because the debate was on cnn, the official network for impeachment nut cakes. is it possible to tell the difference between the candidate and that network. >> direct american foreign policy for personal gains a definition of abuse of power. >> he invited the invasion of a foreign power on our democracy. >> he's given us the evidence. >> this is not an administration, this is a criminal conspiracy. >> a criminal in the white house. greg: it sounds like they are all on the same script or the same drug. why is that? one of the best predictors of
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presidential elections says trump will win the election. moody's an lit i can i -- an l o better than he did against hillary clinton. i wonder if she is not making any predictions. >> i'm not making any predictions but i think they have their eye on somebody in the democratic primary and are grooming her to be a third party candidate. she is a favorite of the russians. she have a bunch of sites and bots and other ways of supporting her so far. that's assuming jiggle stein will give it up but she may not because she is also a russian asset. greg: holy [bleep]. i'm assuming it's use hillary is calling a russian asset.
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cnn and the "new york times" are saying the same thing. the democrats and left-wing media share the same brain. think about this. putin got an american asset to joint mayor scan military, then run for congress in hawaii, then run for president to help split off the strum win in 2020. gomer pyle. use responded in a tweet calling hillary the queen of war mongers which sounds like a lost iron maiden record. but if trump wins it won't be due to the russians, but americans. moody's predictions are based on
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how americans feel about their prospects for income. but the better the country does the crazier the media acts. does trump notice? not when it's a great day for the united states. >> it's a great day for the united states, it's a great day for the turkey, it's a great day for the kurds, it's a great day for civilization. greg: he sees the middle east the way most of people do. it's a mess. going on for centuries. different factions want to go kill each other. his thinking is pretty easy to get. kill each other but leave our guys out of it. he prefers economic warfare to blood and guts. you can still inflict damage but you never have to leave home. and if you win, you never have to occupy. and that's good. if there is one thing we learned, occupation creates
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insurgencies. that's different thinking and it scares the old guard. it's hard to believe trump has been a politician for three years. president trump: i have been a politician for three years, i can't believe that. i never thought i would be called a politician, but it is what it is. greg: it's making the politicians nuts. look at adam schiff who pushes lies like george foreman pushes grills. what could adam be up to. >> adam schiff tries to take a nap. >> it's very difficult. i shouldn't have had that second ovaltine. that's better.
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greg: the trump criticism is based on personality. what's missing is criticism about his actual work. what's to criticize. economy, jobs, house median income. it's all good news. so they just say he's a crazy jerk. but if a crazy jerk can create one of the best economics ever, i think we need more crazy jerks. i will take it. so no wonder schiff is so desperate. how desperate? in a secret interview he allegedly tried to bully our envoy to ukraine to say that trumbulllyed them to investigate hunter biden. >> impeachment. >> mr. schiff, are you aware you
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don't have a pulse? >> is that a problem? it's never been an issue before. greg: it seems like the wheels on the impeachment wagon have come off. poor joe wishes they never started this whole thing. now his son hunter is the huntee. you turned a congenial phone call into a call for impeachment, then trump will hang a corruption scandal around your deadbeat son. you started the fight and trump will probably end it. no wonder the democrats miss the good old days when you could smear a republican and all they did was take it. we call that the romney. no wonder adam is having a hard
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time buying a boat. >> and now adam schiff applies for a loan. >> i'm sorry, mr. shine, i don't think you qualify for a boat loan. >> i don't understand. you can see i am already a captain. >> that's not how this works. >> how about now? greg: let's welcome tonight's guest. he's kind of weird with an intriguing beard, writer and comedian joe devito. she talks fast, but her knowledge is vast. attorney, fox news contributor, emily compagno. she'll tell you a joke over an electronic smoke.
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kat timpf. and an oil rig is his pool toy. my massive sidekick and host of foxnation, tyrus. joe, what's amazing to me about this week is they had a debate and nobody remembers it. but everybody knows use. >> i like how she was wearing that white suit. she did look like she was on fantasy island. i think hillary picked on the wrong person. when you think of her alcohol-soaked brain, hillary thinks she is running for reelection. she thinks everyone is a russian asset. she probably thought they would all fold into each other like those nesting dolls.
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greg: emily, it's been quite a week. >> with the moody model where they predict trump's victory. it illustrates that what voters care about is their economic security. being able to provide for their family. we saw that in the debates, leading with an impeachment question. asking no independent questions about jobs or the economy. on hillary, for someone who says she is a champion of women, all she is doing is derailing one of the few female candidates out there. greg: she is treating woinl as badly as her husband did. kat, so much to talk about and so little time. kat: i wish i could do this
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seven days a week, 24 hours a day. i was bewildered by the fact that they opened with an impeachment question. why have that question? you are asking a bunch of democrats if they want to impeach trump. who is that question for? who didn't already know how they were going to answer? people living under rocks. or people who just woke up out of a coma 30 seconds ago. i feel like if i asked our audience, hey, guy, what do you think about the constitution? who is going to see that coming? >> i'm not so sure. kat: did you hear what he just said about the constitution? >> i thought she was talking about my constitution which i
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have issues with ever since i turned 30. tyrus, please, pick a wisdom-drenched assessment of the news. tyrus: i am not going to lie to you guys. i tried, but i play this game. i tried. whenever they say trump i change the channel. so i was thinking because i would like to know -- i don't really want to know but this joke i will go with it. i would like to know what their running for and what they are about. every type they say trump they are eliminated and have to leave the stage. so think about it. think about how tense that debate would be. if everyone is situating. your favorite color -- mine is green because trump -- oh -- you
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literally could not -- what did have you for breakfast, eggs and -- i'm just leaving. they couldn't do it. we would have to hear about their policies and no one would watch it. greg: i think what's interesting is that we knew that use is more interesting than most of of those people up there. but it took hillary to point that out. because hillary doesn't want somebody who is interesting. she wants everybody to sound the same. she should enter the race, right? she won't, though, because if she is not leading the pack, it's like george clooney playing an extra in a movie. tyrus: he did that on golden girls. greg: that was before he was big on e.r.
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tyrus: the reason why hillary is doing that? we all know why. whenever you get fired or not picked and you look at the new group. she blames women or not being elected. look at these. i'm going to hate on her, too. that's just human nature. it's not like give me a hug, i'm upset. kat: i slept through my alarm a little bit this morning. i thought damn it, putin! greg: kicking trump off twitter and other things that are important to the democrats next. when we started our business we were paying an arm and a leg for postage. i remember setting up shipstation. one or two clicks and everything was up and running. i was printing out labels and saving money. shipstation saves us so much time.
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how'd he get out?! a camera might figure it out. that was easy! glad i could help. at xfinity, we're here to make life simple. easy. awesome. so come ask, shop, discover at your xfinity store today. questioning * first i want to thank one of the viewers who sent me this. a recap of debate crap. poor joe, he grabs you, then he loses you. he says he wants to reward hard
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work, not tax it to death. >> why in god's name should somebody clipping coupons on the stock market pay a lower tax rate than somebody who is a school teacher and firefighter. it's ridiculous and they pay a lower tax. greg: he lost me around the coupon thing. kamala pushed the most of important issue of her platform. getting trump to stop tweeting. liz, won't you join me? >> i don't just want to push trump off twitter, i want to push him out of the white house. >> join me in saying his twitter account should be shut down. greg: no. no. anyway, poor kamala. she has the charm of a tsa agent
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on her third shift. and i like tsa. but this guy wants you to know he has a friend who is not a guy. >> i'm friend with a woman from denmark, south carolina. greg: good for you, whoever you are. stop staring at me. you are giving me the willies. and give us back marianne williamson. she better not be handcuffed in a shed. there is a question, where was liz warren also known as the first mexican-american transgendered astronaut to land on the moon? she proved she is better at making up stories than answering questions. but candidate brought some game over beto's plan to confiscate
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guns. >> the problem is the policy. i don't need lessons from you on courage, political or personal. greg: ouch. i held a post in afghanistan. you just post on instagram. this is the best part of the night for me. except for my dinner. i made my own home made noki. [♪] don't mark it. it was delicious. my dinner parties never last very long, emily. thoughts? what do you think of mayor pete? who did you miss? >> he was my winner, mayor pete.
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i those came out swinging, but it didn't seem like he was forcing it. we saw that side of him that stood up to others. spoke less, a little bit more relatable. and he was strong. i like that he challenged beto obviously. everybody attacked elizabeth warren. in those moments it illustrated more about them than her. it made everybody look weak and oddly obsessed with her. it made her look nimble. greg: they usually say somebody is nimble when they get up in age. oh, he is surprisingly nimble. like saying my grandmother is so spry. she is spry. kat: . you are not spry at all. but joe biden is suppose to be spry. but he acts like me after a
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four-day weekend in vegas. even when he smiles, it hurts. kat: i had a hard time watching it because it was a bunch of people telling me how their free stuff was going to cost the least. you just told me it would be free so i'm confused. beto admitted he had no idea how to take all the guns, and when elizabeth warren wouldn't explain how her healthcare plan was going to work. to be a politician, all you have to do is say you are going to do stuff. you don't even have to know how to do it. i want that gig. i work very hard. i say every day, i am going to go and get my hair and makeup done, and then i get it done.
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greg: tyrus, i know you didn't watch it. tyrus: and i am kicking myself. i think joe has two or three things going on at once. whoever is in his ear talking to him. they need to shut up. he had two thoughts. when this over i better remember to cut the coupons when i get oklahoma or i am in trouble. and he said families out cutting coupons, wall street. then the tiger gets out of the zoo. that's no good. excuse me. >> joe biden is a perfect example of a man who was born to
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be vermont president. he's like a good backup quarterback. he's been around, he knows the system, but you don't want to put him in. greg: that is so good. do you have a better one? >> that's all you are getting from me. greg: up next. this is the end. up next.
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interview on sunday at 11:00.
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i'm aishah hasnie. greg: they are saying they will no longer be greeting passengers as ladies and gentlemen. they will refer to passengers as jack asses. actually they are going to call them everybody. the airline says it's an attempt to modernize. we work hard to make sure all employees feel like valued members of the air canada family while ensuring our customers are comfortable and respected when they choose to travel with us. companies are not families. fox doesn't let me drips at pippy long stocking which my
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family totally accepts. okay? anyway, it's true, they do. anyway, some call air canada's move a win for inclusion. have you seen the inflight entertainment on spirit airlines? i have never been on spirit airlines but i hear it's not spirited. is this the most of important issues airlines should focus on? >> i don't care what you call me during the flying experience as long as the plane is on time and things go well. a flight attendant, they could be like hello, sir. i would be like, i'm drunk.
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mr. timf, how are you doing. i would say i could go for some mini pretzels. i would be too busy look around to see if i was sitting by a baby to even notice. greg: tyrus, it's true. what would you rather hear. ladies and gentlemen, we'll be leaving early or hay, everybody, it's a four-hour delay. tyrus: this is like the democratic debate. i have found cancellation earphones. they could be calling me horrible n words and i wouldn't know it. i think there are certain moments in life where you would like to be addressed a certain way. i guess the term hey, everybody, captain here. we are going down.
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so i hope everyone different me some dig tonight. ladies, gentlemen. we are going down. at least i'm going down with some dignity. can you imagine? this is the world w we live in. excuse my. he said ladies and gentlemen it's supposed to be everyone. sorry. everyone. we are going down. greg: joe, i believe this isn't about the customer, it's about twitter, like somebody -- there will be somebody who goes, air canada they said ladies and gentlemen. they didn't address me as a non-binary elf woodland creature. >> the next time i fly air canada i am going to tell them i identify as someone with a first
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class ticket. i will say this. i would like to see that in the united states. ladies and gentlemen. i look at the way they have us fly it's a little formal for the way people fly. i have never been in my seat getting crushed by someone in crocs and hasn't bathed. greg: when your kid is sitting in 2-a and they say you are 33f. >> excuse me, i feel like a 2-a. emily, we are seeing that people who mistakenly misgender a
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person can be disciplined at work and not in a fun way. >> in california there is a law that you can literally be charged with a misdemeanor if you address someone in the old folks home. i call everybody, you guys. hi, guys. kat: i have been meaning to talk to you about this. >> in this cafe there was a sign with six alternatives to using that phrase. everything is about optics and not reality. remember san francisco changed the word. but yet they didn't change anything about the system. it's on to appease every one like you said on twitter. greg: the people in the h.r. departments running the companies are scared of one thing going viral on social
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media. they will have to spend 8 hours typing away getting to an office with p.r. if they just ignored it. it's two people on twitter that have no lives. that are creating this kerfuffle. who's on deck for the rock hall of fame? when you think of miami you
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think of,you know,rich,glamour but 5 miles away from the beach there's people who have never seen a beach. i was confused why somebody was in this situation especially in america. ♪music:oooh,oooh,oooh so when i started joshua's heart foundation it was a key thing to be able to engage youth in the foundation. to help them participate. ♪music:oooh,oooh,oooh i think passing on the torch and lighting a new flame in another person to do good is probably the point of the bigger missions i have.
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♪music:aha,aha,aha so we are each making a bigger difference. ♪music:oooh,oooh,oooh that's it! just giving back and producing love for everybody. [voice of eunice kennedy shriver] the right to play on any playing field? you have earned it. the right to hold a job? you have earned it. the right to study in any school? you have earned it. the right to be anyone's neighbor? you have earned it. you have taught us that what matters is not power or politics, weapons or wealth.
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what truly counts is the courageous spirit and a generous heart. the days of separation and segregation are over. [cheering.] greg: it's a musical crime, time after time. the 2020 nominees have been announced and snubbed once again, the ma -- the monkees. instead, the dave matthews band gets on the ballot. the monkees could kick day
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matthews' ass any day of the week. >> dooba-dooba-do. greg: pat been tar, great. dooby brothers, motorhead. rufus. chaka kahn. but my personal favorite? judas priest. and their amazing front man, rod halpert. the throaty growl, the studded
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leather chaps. i love judas priest, i love ross. sometimes i just think about him. >> oh, yeah, rod halperth. judas priest. oh, yeah. rod halpert. greg: i hope i haven't freaked out everybody here. tyrus, who should get in. do you care? tyrus: i am sorry, i blacked out. what happened? that was funny for 3 seconds. then it got greg-weird dwreg * did you just i vent a word? >> i don't want to see that much
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leather again in my life. the rock n roll hall of fame is such a reared thing. the monkees, everyone pretty much knows who they are. they have a tv show that still runs today. something that's memorable that carries on through the decade, i think that's the essence of ways supposed to be hall of fame. i don't understand why they are not included. greg: should there be a hall of fame for something that's 60 years old? they don't have a hall of fame for girdles, and that's all the rolling stones wear now. >> my mom sent me the link and said don't forget to vote for the rock 'n roll hall of fame. >> we have been doing
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rock 'n roll freaking stories for five years and you are just now -- wow, greg. wow. >> i'm excited that whitney houston, and pat been tar. i was shocked to learn that whitney houston wasn't already tonight. the dave matthews band was my era in college. in the mid-90s. greg: the dave matthews tour bus took a crap. they dumped their sewage.
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>> out of the 16 nominees, only 10 of them could be considered rock 'n roll. they need a didn't hall of fame. the fact that madonna got in there in 2008. remember rock 'n roll you had a guitar and some drums. they shouldn't be in the rock 'n roll hall of fame. it's hilarious. when rod halpert came out as gay, nobody cared. i don't know if it was ram it down or all the leather we needed gave us a clue. greg: people said we thought he was just in to bikes. maybe i am gay. kat, are you excited?
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have you voted? kat: no, the dave matthews band thing, they are very famous and they are very popular. they are popular with the segment of the population that cries during sex. i am serious. that's what all of their songs sounds like. a dude violently sobbing during sex. where are you going? with your long face pulling down. don't hide away like an ocean, that you can't see but you can smell. and the sound of the waves crash down. who talks like that. who is that for? you know who that's for? that is for dudes that started smoking pot before they stopped breast feeding. tyrus: it sounded like he was singing to a horse. kat: who was that for?
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greg: how can you hide like an ocean. the earth is covered by 80% water. kat: if someone said i smelled like an ocean, i would be so i can buy from enterprise car sales and you'll take any trade-in? that's right! great! here you go... well, it does need to be a vehicle. but - i need this out of my house. (vo) with fair, transparent value for every trade-in... enterprise makes it easy.
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greg: if you bought a ticket for a space night on virgin galactic, and wondered, what would i wear. now we know. richard branson is modeling the space suit we'll wear. it's made by under armour. he looks so happy. aircraft going up and down the spine. it's very "star trek." you have got your space booties. all passengers will have a suit personally tailored for them. it looks okay. but my design was really snazzy and comfortable. your loss, branson.
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yeah. you know, joe -- they were avoiding the big question here. how do you relieve yourself in zero gravity. i don't want to get hit in the face with someone else's poop. >> what i found interesting when you google virgin and space travel the first thing that comes up with the "star trek" convention. greg: that is classic joke writing. >> i should have gotten more from you people. the first thing i thought of was the diaper. greg: you have to think it in zero gravity. >> they also wear the diaper when they are going to track down and stalk a romantic rival.
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greg: the suit looks like somebody who works at a ghost but thers ride at universal. kat: do you need to wear it the way fish fans need to wear tie dyed shirts that haven't been washed. i think i will wear a ball gown. like the moon landing. you have seen two pictures of that. i took 10 times more pictures than that on my couch yesterday because the lighting was good. greg: space is kind of actually boring. is there not a lot to do up there. tyrus: i think everyone is forgetting how much these tickets cost and they are going to throw in a cool suit for
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another fee. after you mort gaining your house -- let's keep it real -- your mom's house to go to space because astronaut school was tough and he made you do things like take tests, and there is noth place award for space travel, so you get a cool suit for another $50,000 for to you fly up and then fly back down. greg: that's it. you will float off the ground for three seconds. greg: it's when people can't afford a porsche, so they buy the key chain. >> he will be wearing the suit in new york with the cup saying i have been to space. greg: emily, you made your own space suit for today.
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>> what cracked me up was the debut the way they had the acrobats doing the whirls. there is no way that marilyn manson or whoever it is who bought the space tickets is going to be doing the back flips. it makes sense in my head. kat: i don't know why you would want to go to space. i won't even go to brooklyn. greg: how far is space? tyrus: 35,000 miles. greg: i don't know. >> under armour looks bad. i would just get the knockoff i would just get the knockoff version from these are the moments that brings us to our feet.
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the anticipation. the tradition. the foul ball. the 15 seconds of fame. the big catch. the game winning homerun. but the most important moment, happens when we all stand together.
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nice. [applause] and today is my brother's birthday happy birthday elliot, miss you. [applause] that's all. thank joe, e "the fox report" with jon scott is up next. jon: the house impeachment investigation is hurdling forward as democrats prepare to grill the acting ambassador to ukraine. this as the white house does damage control after a fiery press conference from acting chief of staff mick mulvaney. good evening, i'm jon scott. this is "the fox report". mulvaney accuses the media of misconstruing his remarks on thursday, when he appeared to contradict president trump's denial of an attempted quid pro quo with ukraine. mulvaney says the decision to temporarily withhold military aid was not tied to any kind of political investigation, but that's not enough for democrats who are seizing on the controversy. and some republicans are also

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