>> neil: i don't know. every time i think you addressed all the issues you fear to, you bring up new ones. happy hollowing nonetheless. i'm dressing as hannity this year, just for fun. we will see what happens. here comes "the five." >> greg: high i'm greg gutfeld, emily compagno, juan williams and dana perino, "the five." the media continues to win the brain-dead olympics, not because of the president but in spite of him. >> not because of the president, but in spite of him. >> perhaps in spite of presidents ineptitude -- >> largely in spite of. >> largely in spite of. >> and not because of. >> not because of donald trump.

>> greg: if you thought that was nuts, hold my cable. yesterday the president we didn't obviously photoshopped image of himself pending a medal of honor on them hero dog. the brainless media sprung into action to prove that yes, this was fake. reporter steve herman breathlessly stated i requested details on this photo come up there was no such canine event on today's schedule. excellent, scoop steve, can't wait to see who plays you in the movie. "the new york times" solemnly added that yes, this photo was indeed altered. then there's jim acosta who says a white house official says the dog is not of the white house. good catch, jim. and be sure to check this photo, too. i was a great moment for me, i won't brag. sensing they were ripe for ridicule media switched gears saying the image was

disrespectful to the man whose image was photoshopped. but that guy got a kick out of it, he loved it. of course he would never would have known about it if the reporters hadn't run to have with tattle tales between our loss. whether it's the origins of the steele dossier or the political bias of the whistle-blower, but the media is in a pickle. good news about america means good news for trump. and so they act smaller with each passing achievement. maybe trump shouldn't be so effective, just to give the media a break. it will be like the good old days under obama. okay, we have a lot of dog experts here. dana, we learned the dog -- it's a she. her name is conan, but i'm confused about that. it's 2019. the dog is coming to the white house. and then adopt the dog on the spot.

>> dana >> emily: i think the stock still wants to work. and we spent about $300,000 training these dogs to make sure they are out there doing their job. when he retires then the president can take him. >> i don't know if he will like him then. one, you were telling me in the green room, how much you despise this dog and america in general? >> juan: i think you got it right as usual. this is to me a little troubling because it's a sense of, there is a separate reality. the dog is a hero and the man who was originally in the picture is a hero and deserves respect and all the rest. so for me it's like, is this real? no, it's a joke. why doesn't everyone just have a good sense of humor? this goes back to something we were talking about yesterday which is the frustration with the way that the president

announced the al-baghdadi murder. it's a good thing the president approved this mission and the way the president talks about it and much like the meme, then it all becomes about trump. i think it's not about special forces, not about the allies or the kurds. it's not about admitting the withdrawal made this operation more difficult for american special forces, and it's also trump then saying, this is bigger than bin laden. come on, get out of here. why is it always about trump? be one but dogs are the ones that bring americans together. there's no politics when it comes to dogs. it's a great way to bring america together and we can all celebrate.

>> greg: i believe just see that the media since 2016 has lost her sense of humor. >> jesse: they have lost their common sense, too. and that's what makes them senseless. permission to make an analogy? the media is the dog. it's fake and they are chasing their tails and we are laughing at them. juan, the media is not that smart. they are fact-checking a meme. this was a joke and it went over everyone's head. how stupid do you have to be to not understand the joke? they are fact-checking a joke. >> juan: nobody could be sure that it actually was a joke. >> jesse: there's a little watermark here. >> jesse: first of all it's not the medal of honor, it's a metal with a dog paw on it.

>> it's only confusing for people like you. >> does anyone think that the president would invite the dog and pin a metal on it and the media wouldn't be there? >> next week, the dog is coming. >> emily, a lot of this has to do with people in the media who don't have many outside interests. like we all kind of understand photoshop. with all had to deal with -- like he's never in his life ever come across even the most basic photo shopping. >> you talked about the actual medal of honor recipient, and he said, he loved it. his quote was a wonderful, he said he was certainly not offended and he laughed when he saw the two images compared and he interpreted that the president was recognizing the heroism of the dog and that the dog is part of the team. i felt like that was a greater metaphor for the mainstream

media. they are supposed to be playing for one team and that's us. let's every american that doesn't have access to the president and doesn't have access to the hill and we rely on them to wade through and see the forest for the trees and they fail in their larger perspective. the big perspective, and it's like what happened in the early days of the internet, where i would screenshot and to send to my mom, those crazy pictures and she would say, honey where are you? instead they are losing all of the big perspectives. and that's just a moment of levity during a period of gratitude. >> it's hard to tell because he never jokes, is always angry. >> it's possible that some of these reporters were joking. >> i'm going to tell you how i

genuinely feel. the man in the picture is gracious. if his mom said to come up honey where are you, then -- >> it's no wonder that you guys fell for the russia hoax. >> no joke. all out brawl over impeachment as the democrats formalize the inquiry, that's next. ♪ you'll be more ready to kiss cigarettes goodbye. when you try to quit smoking, with or without chantix, you may have nicotine withdrawal symptoms. stop chantix and get help right away

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ground rules about impeachment. the moving moving to some very heated exchanges. >> it's about the truth in the constitution. >> this is soviet style rules. >> they are trying to impeach the president of the united states less than 13 months after the election. >> no one is above the law. >> and he could become a witness. republicans say they may call the intel chair to testify. >> here's my challenge to mr. schiff. you want to be ken starr, b can start. come to the judiciary committee, be the first witness and take every question asked of you. starting with your own involvement in it the whistle-blower. >> i do want to ask you though, there are fires, and the whole

delegation is in d.c. voting on trying to impeach trump for a phone call. does not look out of touch to you? >> it sounds like you are desperate for an audience thou though. speaker of the house and they are trying to hold the president, the executive accountable for what they see as outlandish, possibly impeachable high crimes. >> even though peoples homes are burning down? >> let me just -- let me respond to this. i think the g.o.p. forever and ever the same process the issue. one other process is going to be open, and they were arguing process because they were losing on the facts. and now they don't have process and even today, more testimony.

so to me, this is like, oh. who is the whistle-blower? the whistle-blower is wrong. it secondhand. and then no quid pro quo. we do this all the time. this is all going down the lane. >> i'm not so sure about that one. we do know who the whistle-blower is, greg? >> greg: it we do but we are not allowed to say. we have the story of who the whistle-blower is, did he work with biden, did he work with adam schiff, did he work with brennan or dmc operatives? the excuse is of course, we are protecting him from danger. that is a lie, they are protecting them from scrutiny. >> can i interrupt? maybe that's not the issue. maybe all that he has said has

been corroborated by other people. >> it's interesting because what he said was in the transcript that we already knew. we are okay with with what's in the transcript so when you are bringing a train of opinions or concern without something of merit being there, this is like david copperfield. you know when he made a giant building disappear? it was huge but it still is a vision and a trick on the american people. you have the democrats talking about colluding to an election. we are watching collusion and we have no protection against this kind of thing. they are going to try to unseat the president because they can't beat him on a flimsy accusation. >> and coming off the heels of the russia hoax it's hard to believe what you read from anonymous sources in the mainstream media about what's going on. >> dana: and it's hard to follow. maybe you saw something i didn't see, the dribs and drabs that we got from today's testimony, tim morrison, who has a national

security expert, apparently he said he was aware of it and didn't have concerns on it and he was cool. >> juan: but he said what bill taylor said -- >> dana: and that is why i think republicans were pounding the table for a month about the process and finally getting to this point. it democrats were not going to be forced to this point unless the republicans made a big issue out of it. remember nancy pelosi the speaker was very reluctant to even bring up impeachment and now she waited like six weeks to have this vote and now they have this vote and now they have six committees. this is the thing that i can understand. how did they coordinate and i think in the long run, it's negative for them. >> they did say about three or four months previous, she wasn't going to do impeachment if it wasn't going to it be partisan

lines. >> with the exception of two democrats that are afraid for their chairs, i had a poster of david copperfield growing up. take a seat, because it looked to me like the democrats have totally lost the american voter on impeachment and the underbelly of them, the majority of americans support investigation. because we support the process and fairness and evidence. everyone keeps saying this is a political process, not legal. why do we have the legal framework that we do? because americans fundamentally believe that that structure should be fair which is why we throw out entire murder convictions if the evidence is not obtained in a fair manner. it shifted to me, he's in the minority of the minority, and he doesn't realize how off-putting it is and how telling it is to

average americans that want to have faith in the process. final point. for the democrats crying and shouting about a bombshell, then why aren't any americans persuaded yet? we believe in the investigation, not yes, we saw the bombshell, too. >> jesse: did you want to say something before commercial break? >> greg: i want to say a lot of things but they are admitting is a political process, it's purely a political process. but you are missing my point. if they are trying to -- if they are trying to solve a political problem that is trump, they can't beat him in the election so they are using politics to beat him. and you are right, america is -- this could be a whale that swallows the democrats hold. america is dealing with a lot of stuff. you are having an election next

year, you will have primaries and debates and that you have trump. you want to throw another ball to juggle? they will be a mess. >> juan: and democrats will say look at these impeachment poles, they keep going up and up. and, you guys are goingmoby dic, swallowed hole. up next, twitter is now banning all political ads as the latest attempt to silence conservativ conservatives. coming up next. ♪

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♪ >> twitter is facing backlash after banning all political ads.

ceo jack dorsey arguing it isn't about free expression and in an apparent shot of facebook he blasts other platforms were not doing the same. the trump campaign calling out twitter saying, twitter bands political ads and yet another attempt by the left is to silence trump and conservatives. i wouldn't be surprised twitter lifted the ban after 2020. okay. let's take around the table. we were talking about halloween candy during the break and, i got off track. >> you are trying to bring up some kind of concern for the story. that's the standpoint of, do you think it's good for public debate, or to have a debate about freedom of expression? because basically you have two of the biggest tech companies taking very different opinions on this.

>> i think it's excellent. i think it's interesting that jack dorsey has taken such an i am the anti-facebook stance and i am the antidote, we do it so much better here and there are lots of fundamental flaws with his reasoning. for example the fact that they have now banned issue ads also and that will likely -- >> how do you decide to. >> watch your mouth. that's 5:00. >> that must have hurt. >> what's a sticky wicket? >> oh, it's an advocacy added. so to me, let's start at .0, which is i think that jack dorsey must watch "the five" on mark zuckerberg must not because i don't see why you don't just do away with political ads. because it is negligible in terms of their bottom line.

and, the reality is that zuckerberg doesn't seem to understand from my perspective that he is undermining his brand by allowing political lies to be put on his platform. that to me lessens the trust that the consumer has. we have a very strong relationship with facebook as it gets personal, friends and family. and now you say there are political lies. >> but who gets to decide what's a lie and what's not? >> it's actually another way to get information and they would like that. they are trying to -- put trump slides there please. >> i didn't even realize there were ads on twitter. i don't see them, all i see is people screaming at each other.

twitter's updates are down 95%. if you made $100 last year you made five this year. i actually worked it out. no one wants to get near this tangled pile of screamers because twitter as we know has been an amplified edge of this course. if they are due almost all the tweeting and they are described as politically active and left leaning. what you are basically getting is a campus sit in every time you watch twitter. >> it isn't -- when you go on facebook it's up fun plat room, come platform. is he your family and your friends, you wonder what you are doing and thinking about what you could have been. i hate this person, i hate that person, this person hates me. then you go screw it. i think this is a consequence of politics in general. people are just like -- >>

except for the five. >> and twitter announced this right after facebook came out with its earnings. and i believe aoc does. >> but >> juan: didn't think americans were smart enough to tell the difference between a lie and a truth. but i think we are. look at the dog. he runs an ad with the dog and you say you need a fact-checker to tell the americans that that is a lie? come on. >> juan: i'm going to defend emily's mom to the death. >> we don't need you guys in the media, you liberal fact-checkers to tell us what's to know about what to see on tv. >> he can say whatever he wants.

but here's the point. democrats are getting crushed on raising money and they know they will get outspent by republicans and the trump campaign. so they called jack and they say jack, i'm begging you. jack, absolutely. and jack says okay we will do it. everybody knows, political speech is the same thing as free speech and we don't want twitter policing free speech. it's before also by doing this they might get some of the heat off of him. the democrats say, we have to be nice to jack. >> american schools are in crisis. it could screen time be to blame? details next.

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♪ >> welcome back. growing concern that american schools are in crisis. a new assessment shows math and reading scores for elementary school students are on the decline with 2 out of 3 children not meeting the standards for reading proficiency. education secretary betsy devos calls the numbers "devastating." she's blaming the education establishment. this comes as a new study finds teenagers spend more than seven hours per day on their phones. could it be that that is to blame? dana, let me start off by saying that student achievement numbers are basically flat since 1992. so that's a long time. betsy devos says, hey. the schools aren't delivering to these kids. the contract argument comes from people like rosa diorio, and she says we need to spend more money from the education department to improve our schools. what do you think?

>> dana: i was outraged for a lot of reasons on behalf of children and their parents. this is a national security concern going forward, you can't even graduate 50% of your students? that's an outrage. i might have had that wrong, it might be reading proficiency at 57%. betsy devos called it a crisis of student achievement. if you look at it since 1952, it's not like money hasn't been poured in to schools. you had to be able to show that it actually would make a difference. the other thing would be, you can do this test every two years. two years ago let's say that you were in the higher rankings. they continue to do better. people in the lower rankings continue to do worse. so if you are worried about any quality, you should not think about throwing money at this problem and trying to figure out how you're going to deal with that. the last thing i would say is it's a real outrage to american

taxpayers. then, you have people who were not proficient in reading and math going to college is that they cannot afford that are breaking their parents' bank account, and now the colleges are doing the job of what k-12 should have been doing. >> juan: that's true. >> dana: i'm angry about it. >> juan: on the show we offer different points of view but i'm going to say, what dana said was true. a big gap between people who are most proficient and people who are least proficient. it's like there's a gap between what's going on in our education. who is getting the benefit of education in america and who's not. >> greg: while it's probably because math is racist as we discussed last week, that's clearly the answer. and reading because they are much -- if the phones because

they are much easier and quicker to digest than a book. and, you can get a lot done besides reading in the library. you can't have school choice. but i'm going to send my son or daughter to an elite very expensive private school. everybody else can go to a public school and they can get bad test scores. that's hypocrisy. >> i'm a proponent of that. but emily, in fact the council on big-city schools says the big school city districts are doing a little better. this kind of thing, this is the kind of thing that jesse was talking about witches race and class. if it's the case where you are in a low income area in a minority, but also if you are living in kentucky or west virginia, you are a poor white kid to come the schools

aren't delivering. jesse says if it's your kids you will send them to the best possible school so why don't we as americans thought about in pragmatic terms about what works and how we can help these two? >> emily: i think generally speaking we always oversimplify and we are massively inefficient. there are multiple factors that contribute to this and you are right, that inequality is built into the system. you are right that it's all predictable. it might be a blend of everyone. we are in the top five of the countries and it's how we spend the money. we are too busy blowing it on the teacher's pension because it's not like any of them -- they are not while salaried. they are not being invested into to ensure that the kids get what they need, so they are encroaching on the other students that are trying to be educated. we reward the wrong things and we incentivize social media and

entertainment and that we made it kind of gratification culture without investing in actual education. we also reward test results rather than that kind of work ethic and investment that builds it along the way. this was totally predictable. just like homelessness and opioids and all the other stuff that we talked about because this has been a long time coming. the fact that we refuse to let parents proceed with choices or provide other options because we want a virtual signal is the problem. >> juan: greg, i think you are a great proponent of innovation. >> greg: that's true. >> juan: a woman who writes for "the new york post" said, if you just stuck with basics, like rote memorization like abcd and one, two, three, we know that works, she said. not sure it works for everybody but as a fan of innovation, what do you say about that? >> greg: i think it's overrated and i like ignorant people because i can rise above them faster if they don't know

anything. the best thing i ever did as a kid was timetables. it was like -- i don't know why they made you do it but it's something that stays with you. i think the bureaucrats hate school choice because the competition bears their incompetence. we find out the money that has been shoveling them has been going nowhere. because the money goes up and at the scores get worse. it's not a money thing. i think that the group students incorrectly, and i don't think they do that anymore. it's more important to be woke then will read, and i'm amazed that they even teach people to read these days. >> juan: we got a lot of fun

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♪

>> emily: at welcome back happy halloween. it's time for a special edition of the fastest seven. the engine and that is buzzing over president trump's funny moment with a trick or treat her. watch. ♪ >> emily: i loved it, i thought that was hilarious. my favorite was president trum president trump's expression, he was genuinely laughing and look so happy. what do you think? >> greg: i think in 48 hours we have two great meme where the viral moments, the dog and the trick-or-treat. you have to wait for obama to do something. every year he would do something like the tan suit. trump has given so much content it's fantastic.

>> greg: i don't know why the media is trying to get him out of office. but i know that trick or treat her, he just got subpoenaed by adam schiff. apparently the minion heard a fourth hand about the ukrainian on-call from his pal joey in second grade and he was very concerned. >> dana: 's ended up through the channels. >> juan: i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that trump doesn't understand trick or treat, if the guy a break, that's ridiculous. but mrs. trump -- >> emily: it looked like you could put it through that little slot on the head. >> dana: that kid will have a lot to talk about the rest of his life. up next, the best thing about how lean is all that candy but it turns out kids are the only ones enjoying it. two-thirds of parents admit to stealing from their children's trick, candy hall. did you do that? >> juan: of course. parents like candy, everyone likes candy. my experience is mostly though

that it ends up in the pantry and it gets stale. >> greg: while you are not eating it fast enough then. i can't believe your favorite candy is york peppermint patties? get out of here with that, that's not real candy, that's like a breath mint. >> emily: chocolate and a a mint, and also reese's pieces. but i love the mint. >> jesse: that's like british, york. >> juan: well i don't have children but i steal from our executive producer, she has candy in her office. but i do it in the open so it's not really stealing. >> greg: it seems like me to a it's a lot of work to decide to have kids so you can either candy. i decided to not have kids and by my own candy to not have to go through the trouble. the people i can't stand -- we all live in apartments except

for >> dana: who lives in a mansion up on third act, but you do the nice thing by putting out the bowl of the candy because you are in an apartment, and you come home and, one kid shows up and takes everything. so right now i have a drone that is set up and it sends a shock right into the kid, and that is totally legal. >> emily: i'm so excited for the third topic. americans can't resist dressing up their pets for halloween. a study finds we sell out half a million dollars on costumes for our furry companions and an astounding 29 million people say they are dressing up their pets today. check out the b roll in a second. check out my dog. this year -- by the way, i made that mask. she was diablo which was a maleficent scroll obviously but i made that. i totally defend spending money.

i rest my case. look at her, she's so great. what did jasper do? >> dana: i didn't get jasper a costume because i talked to peter and he said to come jasper doesn't dres like to dress up. i asked how he knew that and he said he just knew. >> greg: what what about -- we haven't talked about -- isn't this an offensive costume question if your cat is dressed up like a dog, that's cultural appropriation? species appropriation. >> jasper was dressed up as a reindeer. >> juan: people love pets, but i do wonder if dogs like being mannequins. i don't know. >> emily: i think they like the attention. >> greg: asked peter, he apparently does. >> emily: isn't rookie something tonight?

>> jesse: no, that was his birthday hat but we don't go all in like a crazy person like you emily. >> emily: i'm handing out halloween candy though. >> i'm going on a ghost to her tonight. i love halloween. all right, "one more thing" is up next. ♪ fely. but allstate actually helps you drive safely... with drivewise. it lets you know when you go too fast... ...and brake too hard. with feedback to help you drive safer. giving you the power to actually lower your cost. unfortunately, it can't do anything about that. now that you know the truth... are you in good hands? performance comes in lots of flavors. ♪ (dramatic orchestra)

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♪ >> greg: time for one more thing. we all got funny glasses. >> juan: you remember this spring when my daughter made me this amazing washington nationals birthday cake. last night folks, my birthday wish came true. watch the spirit that is howie kendrick allying the pitch down the line, a two run homer on. the first time since 1924, the washington baseball team one night the world series. for the first time in any

championship series, both teams lost every home game. what an amazing story. as a nationals fan someone sent me a pair of lucky rose colored sunglasses. they come from bubbly springs water. the outfielder has been wearing them for good luck. since he started wearing them the team went from 12 games under .500 to the world championship. can you believe this? he picked them up at a promotional event a few years ago. of course he is also famous for doing the baby shark. congratulations. >> greg: i was told that this will reassure trump wins 2020. >> juan: don't put them in the nationals park. you know what happens. thank you so much for the people at bubbly water. >> greg: i don't know if i like it. >> dana: i love it. >> greg: let's do this. greg's transformers news.

i'm not a big halloween guy, but i have to give it to these little punks and their transformers costumes. watch how good these costumes are that they can actually turn -- they're not just a transformer. they turn into the machine that they are appear look at that. is that incredible? nobody cares. get out of the way! >> emily: do they move after that? >> dana: that's a great costume. >> greg: it is incredible! why did they like film this with the horizontal and vertical. it drives me crazy. this is making me really angry. >> jesse: animals are great. >> greg: they are and you are next. to >> jesse: member how i caught slack for my tipping situation? we have some tipping news which i would like to share. this is about the dangers of taping. this is a warning to people.

this is a guy in missouri at a bar and instead of tipping cash he tipped lottery tickets. guess what? the lottery ticket won and to give the lottery ticket as a tip to the bartender. that's what happens when you tip sometimes. there are drawbacks to tipping. everybody be warned. >> greg: that's a drawback? >> jesse: there are drawbacks. also, they dressed up as aladdin characters for halloween. not in blackface like justin trudeau. >> greg: cultural appropriation. >> jesse: ouch. >> dana: have a dramatic video. this is from the california easy fire rated shows the moment a horse runs from safety to its burning stable to rescue other horses that were trapped in the blaze. look at this. he gets his family and brings

them back. that's his young colt. they got him back on the same side of the road. animals are really, really gre great. >> jesse: you should give them a medal. >> greg: try to make it interesting. >> emily: i will. this little girl whose name is emily also dressed up as belle from beauty and the beast, dancing with her dog rudy. look at her. singing to beauty on the beast. first of all, that's the best dog on the planet. the best movie on the planet and probably the sweetest video ever. happy halloween! >> jesse: when you have children and dogs you might think it's cute. >> emily: look at him! >> jesse: better than spicer. [laughter] >> greg: that's a pretty low bar. that was nice. you did okay today.

>> juan: we will have a parade saturday. big parade folks! >> greg: set your dvrs and never miss an episode of "the five." "special report" is up next. hello. >> bret: i've learned i don't want to be jesse's bartender. the house votes to approve rules for the impeachment inquiry, a former white house advisor tells lawmakers he heard nothing illegal on the president's call with ukrainian president. democratic senator say he may not vote for bernie sanders even against president trump. is "special report." ♪ good evening, i am bret baier. the ground rules for the impeachment inquiry are now set. after 232-196 vote, republicans are touting the bipartisan opposition after two democrats representing g.o.p. leaning districts across the aisle and voted no. house spe