going to find a lot of stuff that you could use for christmas. i promise. anyway, thanks for watching, i'm jeanine barrow at the caging the truth justice and at the right way. 's b5 give thousand of a thousand advertising immensity sounds like. i have anointed woody sing. no one ever says what you're saying either. [laughter] behold, the first impeachment ever based on imagination. first look at this sad bunch. [laughter] it's like the last supper at the

counter at wendy's. when they could find no crime, they steal the plot of minority report. let's stop trauma from doing stuff he hasn't done yet. because the stuff they had on him was garbage. the dossier, i wonder if kelly knows what it means? >> it's a good time to remind everybody dossier is a french term for a load of crab. [laughter] gotta love her. still the media gobbled up this dream based on drunken gossip. a fantasy designed yet michael more horny. remember boudin hired hogan to defile a bed where the obama's once left all of the presence of everone donald donald trump. all that was missing was a toy. [laughter] still, the media bought it because they wanted to. it was a dilemma for me. the media and the dems are like a person you know that's making

a disastrous decision like a marrying charlie sheen. you want to say no no no no no don't do that. but you realize that person is screwed all of us and stay one. so you say democrats you go for it. right? >> and now adam schiff. where you from. >> you mean like today? in life i don't know they don't keep track. >> have used cheat on your taxes. >> no app. >> apple picking if your nap i wouldn't pick you. smack you know i've never dated a congressman for. >> you never will. >> will cut of music do you like >> balloons i like to blow them up in the basement let the air out. see metal i like the older stuff like the beatles. >> i've never heard of them joining her minor song? >> sure.

>> laughter's. [laughter] greg: so 17 errors are made in the pfizer process but they were told there were no buyers. but if the errors all in one direction how is that unintentional? maybe i mean i didn't mean to rub that bank but 17 errors along the way like slipping and falling into that ski mask with my hand accidentally landing on that don and stumbling blindly the savings and loan and by chance scribbling give me the money or you're gonna die or [bleep], were the odds of me making all of the mistakes like that in a row. which is why no one buys this crab. the impeachment satisfies the craving media, it keeps helping trump in key battleground states. what is that reminder? the last election. remember is the media who had hours of bashing trump. the result?

he won. yet they're doing that again with his impeachment and pretending this is some sham and trumps numbers just go up. like the tory landslide in england. their review of leftism. if our dems were smart, they would take that as a preview is what could happen here. it's like watching your buddy take the drug first. [laughter] but our dems aren't that smart. and the media protects their stupidity from its consequences. not letting republicans off the hook, they all should've walked out of that hearing but by saying they gave the straits of creedence. in the charade it was, one democrat even said the impeachment vote was delayed because it was too late for tv audience. so how delusional do you have to be to think the solution for your idiotic farce is to get more people to see your idiotic farce? right adam? >> and now adam schiff forgets his medication.

[laughter] you need to relax adam ♪ ♪ [background noises] that is a sweet symphony sound. [laughter] >> my god it's getting weirder and weirder. was it tell you in the establishment media, and establishment politicians are all trying to the same thing? they think the establishment is under attack and it is. who'd a thought though that the most radical figure in modern history as a reality tv star with orange hair? [laughter] why not let him explain it? >> i am the only politician that has actually kept more promises than i made. [laughter]

[applause] [cheering] greg: we need to hear that again. >> i'm the only politician in history that have actually kept more promises that i made. [cheering] greg: weight that makes absolutely no sense [bleep] but it's brilliant. but it's a brilliant. how does he make that true? how is that possible? so the more critics attack in the way they prove him right. politics is downstream from culture. so this massive a rational reaction to trump isn't political at all, but cultural. for once the media academia entertainment complex and feels threatened and impeachment is how the emotionally damaged fight back. but as like the harlem globetrotters, every game you know how it's going to unfold, you know the outcome, so we watch pelosi following the other

clowns off the cliff engaging in actual abuse of power. with democrats bowing they will keep impeaching until the very end. it's like that tired cliché about proof of insanity during that same thing over and over again. it's like getting the same bad result. we have a better definition is called listening to adam schiff. >> and now adam schiff trying out the new amazon alexa. >> hey boss, merry christmas, i got you and alexa. >> net thank you i'm allergic to chocolate. >> now it's a digital assistant you can ask anything. >> no no no that's not a magic eight ball you just talk to it. [laughter] >> i would like to order a pizza. >> no put it on the desk and speak. alexa please fax me some milk. >> i'm sorry i can't help with that.

>> excuse me i would like some hot milk. >> what the heck is wrong with you. >> at burns but i like it. [laughter] greg: let's welcome tonight's guests. he's so sharp right uses head to open my fan mail. charlie hurts so good. [applause] she is so bright her brain actually glows in the dark, fox news headlines 24-7 reporter carly, she's fearless and clear was but never, house of kat nation is kat. he still doesn't know what a latter is our massive sidekick.

charlie, how does this whole process going for you? >> i just can't wait until -- i love the idea of having a full impeachment searing on the senate floor and bring donald trump down to the monster truck rally. it will be like pro wrestling and one of his rallies combined with, i mean it's going to be epic. the idea that democrats are so stupid that they actually think that this isn't going to be the platform where he excels the best. but one thing that i think is important to remember, were talking about the steele dossier now. were not the ones who said this was a big deal. they are the ones that said it was a big deal. they are the ones. they are talking like we are the morons because were still talking about appeared know you brought it up.

you turned it into the magna carta. [inaudible] 's. greg: i was told it was going to be. [inaudible] >> i just wanted to see associate myself. >> the man once what he wants. greg: thank you carly for defending me. >> summit to get my pizza. greg: currently hiding the dems have can instructed themselves in all this. >> the next question is house going to affect his reelection. the next answer is i don't think it will affect them at all fear. we were at this place where promises major thing, and it's not going to happen. and now as a matter fact the new polls that came out he is exceeding in the swing state's gonna do the exact opposite. greg: i think that's fun i think this a pride ending kat is really, really enjoyable. don't you think that's worth going? i think the dems are good to be

surprised at us? >> what do i think? greg: no i don't know what you think. >> i think that adam sandler would've been way better than leonardo dicaprio and titanic. [applause] that's what i was thinking about this week. and every week. greg: that's a lot of energy. >> i had a hard time, but i could watch all that. yesterday i know i shouldn't say this, i work at fox news, but i did change the channel in my office to watch cspan2 where they were doing a vote on the nomination for fish and wildlife director. [laughter] and i found myself finding that riveting. all of the eyes, then the nays, and then i actually googled it to find that she was in fact nodding. and i was like great.

and that's not interesting tv. >> no that's not. >> i later watch the janitor cleanup and all of that he was doing a great job out there. love that elbow grease. in if that is the kind of television that this is, i feel like it's my job, i'm supposed be watching it and i did watch as much as i could. if it weren't my job i would've watched none of it. greg: you know it's funny the only good part is when they caught the reporters taking pictures of the paperwork on the desk. this is the finger motion you make when you're taking a picture maker when you're old. joe biden. >> this is joe biden taking a picture. >> tiresome 74 years old this is how it's done. [laughter] >> i know the impeachment thing is cool, but could you please show us apace picture of what mike huckabee's face looks like? greg: every saturday you could

see it with matching suit. any looks like this and then he looks like this, and here's my impression of mike huckabee playing the base. >> thank you asper pit picture and i got a monologue. you know i think with the democrats the problem is who is doing the speaking. >> yes. >> i think they need a special announcer to come out into the announcing. i think while the coyote would have been phenomenal if you would've come out and said sponsored by acme. [laughter] the impeachment of, i'm sorry just one second period what the deal china went in. awake canada and mexico trade is done, okay boris johnson is in. >> the new fish and wildlife director is in. >> best economy, jobs, stock market, let me get my umbrella

out because i am literally being the worst day to drop impeachment. he is usually going to use that in his introduction. like the reigning and offending, two-term mph two article, president of the world. he is literally going to be. [laughter] [applause] and then the best part is we don't have to watch any of this, like kat, because mitch the spoiler mcconnell comes out and says no. [laughter] greg: but foxes still get a carrier which is gonna drive me crazy because i've decided to table of five and do nothing, which is kind of what i do anyway. anyway. all right, w when we started our business we were paying an arm and a leg for postage. i remember setting up shipstation. one or two clicks and everything was up and running. i was printing out labels and saving money. shipstation saves us so much time. it makes it really easy and seamless. pick an order, print everything you need, slap the label onto the box, and it's ready to go.

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and now that greg got phil show presents the 2020 candidates. [laughter] greg: yep he standing firm on serving both terms. advisers to joe biden are telling politico, whatever it is, that if elected biden would not run for a second term. so when four years he would be a hundred and 23 years old. [laughter] ageless yes, malarkey joe think so. and joe's all about no malarkey.

so we set the record straight. it's. >> did you ever talk to a gym about a one-year pledge. >> i don't even have plans for a one-year term i'm not even there yet. [laughter] 's. greg: if i were him i would not have plans for one term either. [laughter] [applause] greg: i am waiting for the headline that said bidens' not nose whippersnapper because he thanks he's too old for a second term, whippersnapper. meanwhile poured poll delivered by harvard harris shows that biden still leading the pack. and for some reason they asked what if hillary and john kerry got in the race? couldn't climb to the top with 20 to the top john kerry clocked in at 5% and he's been a cryogenic freezer for ten years. you'd these things to know neither one of them are running, the poll was conducted online

and i can do a hundred and 50 push-ups. [laughter] but it doesn't even matter? because whoever gets the nomination is going to have to face this. >> biden keep saying is in the wrong state if he is in ohio it's great to be and i would tonight. [laughter] if he is in pennsylvania, it's wonderful to be in the state of delaware. what is wrong with this guy? crazy elizabeth boren, or i as i affectionately call her pocahontas. anybody seen her beer dear will she says oh darling, using that? a darling it's great to see you what you doing here? that's her husband was must be living there. let's get a beer, who wants to get a beer. let's get a beer. have you ever seen such a phony. this guy booted chet booted chet, can you believe he's doing well? he's like the leading fundraiser. i dream about him.

[laughter] greg: all right tyrus, you seemed like you're about ready to explode. [laughter] >> we made fun. greg: he watches the show that's good to know. have you been watching retweets? >> the next time you ask what he done with your life i meant to say the president use my jokes. i think that was a message, besides the fact that hillary's not even in it and she's winning. besides the facts that are we sure mr. biden knew what he meant when he said term? [laughter] because it sounded like he said i take two soups are one. i'm not even there yet, were not the restaurant yet. he does good when they just have his picture and a statement. but whenever they have joe biden's picture and a statement it's always on points and phenomenal. it's literally like the wizard of oz. just have them come out in way

and then commit and have a big screen and say what you want them to say. but don't have the microphone on. but this is an lesson for anybody running for the democratic, do not, that is going to be your life for a year. we don't want you to have to -- you could not pay me to it run for democratic party. >> and maybe that's why the slate of mckay of democrats are so weak. but this poll has to grind hilary's gears so much. you know she wants to run so badly, and i don't think she will disappoint. the democrats have several problems on their hands, and the first one is joe biden is not as strong of a candidate as we thought he was going to be. the second problem is that elizabeth moran and bernie sanders are socialist. and then there is pete booted judge, who i think could actually give president trump a run for his money if democrats let him. but they do this thing where they eat their own. and they are boycotting his campaign now because he's not

holding high dollar fundraisers. and there's this weird thing they do where they try to tear their own down if they don't subscribe to the exact set of rules that they have laid out for what they think is the perfect candidate. greg: they are cannibals, that's what they are. >> no i'm really am proud of you forgetting that nomination. if i were a democrat, i would look at this one term thing and be pretty freaked out. because, i mean, he's their top guy in his advisers are saying okay, i think to get more supports what we need to do is assure people he's going to go away more quickly. [laughter] if you're selling., the way you sell yourself to people is they will be less of me don't worry. [laughter] that's not good. greg: know that's not good. the great thing if joe decides

to run for one term if you then you get trump running again. >> in all fairness, trump deserves another first-term. the way i see it is when he gets reelected. [applause] that's the beginning of his first term. and then obviously he will get his second term after that. greg: yes that's true. >> but then democrats would say they would consider impeaching him yet again. >> so that would make his ratings go higher and higher. >> i literally would like to be impeached. i would like for articles please. i want to walk around with a t-shirt like this. [laughter] >> whatever you think it is it is not. >> i would not mind the attention. everyone's talking about me again.

greg: there's only been four impeachments. but here's the thing that drives me crazy about joe biden. everybody try to say, democrats try to say oh joe biden, he's just like donald trump. he just says stuff -- there is no comparison between the two except they both say things you don't expect them to say. [laughter] >> joe biden says stuff and it's a stupid stuff on earth, makes no sense. and then donald trump, his beat down talking about joe biden and all of them is just absolutely brutal and hilarious. but my favorite thing about this, and this is what so refreshing about donald trump, sees talk about joe biden being in the wrong state and he's in delaware, what's really funny about it anybody watches his nose no one campaigns in delaware. and donald trump is beating down joe biden. greg: i think of my impression of joe biden is a 10-year-old in the morning telling you the dream he added. [laughter] [inaudible] than they started touching my legs. and then i floated there, and

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the grade that belt show. greg: it's what's causing our society the most anxiety. a lot of things are causing a stress these days. the holidays, the job, brian killed made. it. [laughter] and that's just me.

that's just me. that stupid backpack. but for 70% of americans it's politics it's making them nuts right now. more than work, more than financial matters, or my ridiculous abs. [laughter] or anything else it affects your real life. no politics is what stressing them out the most. by politics and people take that to mean trump, i don't know. but maybe the pulse survey 2,000 americans. they pry all enjoyed behar. so those watching the distressed out because of trench trump, or impeachment, enjoy this. >> greg, gregory got svelte, damn, my betty looks great in jeans. oh yeah, that's a present for your eyes. yes. and, meow meow. yeah,. [laughter] [applause]

greg: i feel better already. i feel great ever that everyone here is uncomfortable. kat what stresses you out? is politics stressing you out? >> no, i mean sometimes, but it's also my job. but the study a lot of people said was pathetic and crazy. i think it's actually great. because it means that eight out of ten americans don't have a real problem. i'm not saying politics is an important and that doesn't affect all of us. it obviously does. but what i'm saying is if you even know what's going on in the news, it's like congratulations. it sounds like you don't live in a box. sounds like you are not dying about terrible disease and neither is anyone close to you. because if you're that up on politics, then you need to relax. >> i'll love that you mention bring kill maids backpack. i think it's funny that he walks

around the funny and wears a backpack. but he's always wearing like a great suit, he looks like as places to go, but every single time i envision it's a snack pack in there. [laughter] it's like the most juvenile look for professional serious man to have. greg: he looks like the nerdiest high school student. 's. >> he's walking around the backpack and i'm like dude you are 70 years old. [laughter] greg: maybe he's carrying certain medical supplies. [laughter] >> but that's a quiz though about how people think that politics is the most stressful thing. i do not think that is true. i don't think people are that politically in tune. you have seen those quizzes with me on street quizzes were people like who are these people? it's like a picture of mike pence and chuck schumer and they have no idea. [laughter] so to be able say that because they want to sound like they are in the know, but they really

don't care. greg: what he think charlie would you make out of this crab. >> yes you can, you've said far worse already tonight. [laughter] so you know the serious side of this though is when you look at you look at our democrat voters who don't like donald trump. in some of them a very good reasons for not liking him, they may not like his style or whatever. and you look at what the leaders in the democratic party have done to them in terms of lying to them. from day one about how we are going to get rid of this guy, and he's committed all of these offenses. they get lied to 30 times a day light from people like adam schiff and there are consequences that they are grown to expect. and they think this is going to end differently. and it causes people to become delusional. and they lose their freaking minds. and those of us in the news business, are sitting here trying to take the stuff seriously, but at the same time you're looking at nancy policy

and she's nuts. [laughter] greg: you're talking about what i call the culture pitchfork. media academia entertainment. and it's now being exasperated by immediate. so it's not like things are bothering you, but the pitchfork is coming at you and telling you how awful crab is. it's not politics, it's a viral pitchfork. >> on cnbc earlier they were comparing trump to the devil. i'm not making that up. and the guys like yeah, and they're like what? greg: they are similarly colored. tires last words you. >> i don't know if we have the ability to take the put this up. the sham of a pole. let's pretend it's up there. if anyone noticed at the bottom the only honest people.

[inaudible] [laughter] the rest of the group was a bunch of lying cowards who wouldn't tell the truth, the most stressful person as the person you have to share your bed with, share your money with, they stress you out all the time. that never stops. [applause] 37% tell the truth. but you know what, the ones it took that survey with their partner, what else of the guinness say, politics. [laughter] greg: zero my god, that is so not true. i disagree completely with tyrus. how do you dare you say that. alright got a run, we have more for all out confidence... ...depend® silhouette™ briefs feature maximum absorbency, beautiful colors and an improved fit for a sleek design and personal style. life's better when you're in it. be there with depend®.

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greg: they did not know it was that kind of snow. walmart's online store in canada, they have them there,

recently apologized for selling a third parties and vendors sweater showing santa claus at a table with what appears to be lines of cocaine. i wouldn't know i've never seen the product i do not know what campaign looks like, i can't stress that enough. on the product description seems to reference the drug to. while we all know how it's no works it's white and powder in the best no skirt come straight from south america. i don't understand this? the sweaters have since been taken down from walmart's website. thankfully amazon picked up the sweaters and they are selling like hot cakes. made of cocaine. oddly, walmart is still selling this. it's. [laughter]

[inaudible] greg: anyway that got us to thinking, why stop with santa? what about the easter bunny? you know have them there, all hopped up on something, hopped up you get it kids? or how about that little leprechaun at st. patrick's day, right? i'm blarney stone's. i mean what else would make you see a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow? you little junkie. sorry, i went to a dark place there. carly what you make of this story is this a huge scandal? does walmart need to be sued out of existence? >> i would like to speak up for all of the '90s moms out there. that handmade their christmas, ugly christmas sweaters before they were called ugly christmas sweaters. and it was just the thing their kids or make fun of them for.

they were true visionaries because now this is a multi- million-dollar trend and i think some of you in the audience have beautiful christmas waters. they are like the picasso of our time. greg: it's funny like that, because like my mom made like 20 christmas waters because we called them coke sweaters because how do you make 20 sweaters over the period of a week, sanka isn't going to do. a little reference to instinct coffee that everybody home will get, charlie. >> you know i don't have a problem with the sweater if it's for kids. [laughter] when i see adults who wearing sweaters and t-shirts with cartoon characters on them, i find it very disturbing. it's like infantilism nation of america. like every time a parents get arrested for neglecting their kids during like a seven day

method bender in a walmart parking lot, the dude is wearing a tweety bird and it's dirty. grimy. they look like the superhero people at times square that walk around and kind of assault people. it's okay for children, but adults need to stop wearing cartoon characters. greg: yes, i think you agree with me on kids to wear the coax water? right? >> you know i like you. [laughter] but i'm going to tell you is apparent that i strongly disagree. [laughter] with my kids running into christmas morning with cocaine sweaters on. [laughter] i don't think you quite got the scope of the sweater. this snowman was just another reference for cocaine. and three lines of cocaine, he was like let it blow. [laughter] i don't think you want the

children to have that on. i think this is the one sweater that i would prefer you have an 18-year-old or above wearing. this sweater is literally right up there with someone giving you a pile of dung in your santa gift. >> like we said in the podcast. greg: but the fact is how do you expect santa to liver all those gifts in one night? [laughter] >> you are wrong greg. everyone is saying this joke because santa needs to do cocaine because is on his sleigh ride delivering, put that photo back up there. put it up somebody please. it doesn't look like he's on a slave to you? anyone? he looks like he's at home. >> he's alone. >> that looks like it's his

coffee table. >> he he has a drug addiction, he is home alone. eight you know what else is not only is it dangerous and sad, doesn't sound very fun. who wants. [inaudible] >> it is also evil because his little hands are long enough to get the coke. he is up here he can get to. greg: you don't see the gingerbread man passed out on the floor. and santa is eating his arm. i think santa would eat the gingerbread man. you know what this is a lesson about? this is where irony fails to understand the world. hey that's a cool sweater he shows up at a christmas party were the kids are. >> is this funny? greg: kid billy is wondering why santa is in front of these white lines, and just never think

about that. which is why they should be arrested, all of them. and killed. [laughter] i joke. do i? i do. really? i don't know. my favorite story is next. [ dramatic music ]

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greg: your fitbit is a think a bit. you know that wearable computing band that designed it track physical activity. get rid of it. nfl network reporter jane slater shared the story on twitter so obviously the real. in ex-boyfriend got me a fitbit for christmas, i loved it. we synced up, motivate each other, didn't hated until he was unaccounted for 4:00 a.m. and his physical activity will levels were spiking. now if fitbit were smart they would make an ad campaign out of that fitbit keeps track of your steps and him. i will give the guy the benefit of the doubt. maybe he was doing this at 4:00 a.m. [laughter] [background noises] greg: you known some cultures

that is considered cheating. really weird cultures. he could have been running at night, charlie from bed to bed. [laughter] >> you know technology runs everything. [laughter] it does. >> and on the cheaters side they don't forget. >> i mean we have these droids all around us, rounder risks and the phones. and they're all spying on us. they are all selling, reporting back to somebody with where we are. it's all bad. it's all terrible. greg: why do i sleep in the park. >> i really don't want to know what you do in the park. [laughter] you and mike huckabee. [inaudible] i can only imagine. have you ever worn a superhero outfit in times square? greg: you would know because i

also wear the mask. save me from this weird person. >> you actually need to save you because that's 100% accurate story. greg: i don't believe it. do know what the story reminds me of? you know the story on twitter the celebrity talks about how precocious their child is? zero little billy said mommy why do we have, why is evil donald trump and in my son is only six mentals and said that? do you believe that? i don't believe this. >> are you sure because i am wearing a fitbit greg, and i would know. [laughter] greg: you know what, the only solution is just to have all day and it so it never changes. he would say wow is always exercising. [laughter] >> i'm just had to take mine off until we can verify this. because yeah, damn. it's. greg: i could fit that around my waist. >> yeah where my fitbit for a day.

[laughter] greg: if your heart rate was a hundred and 70. i think he's dead. 's kat is a story real? >> she sort of suggested that the guy admitted it, and that's why i've questions. because all the cheater cheaters i've had experience with have never admitted it. the guy would be like oh babe i was just thinking about how much i love you and it was like so overwhelming that i had to get up and do some jumping jacks to calm down at four in the morning. i will be like when i've got guys cheating, they have lied even when they were so clearly cop. one guy, he was tagged in photos that another girl posted, and they were all posed all copley and just in case there's any confusion, the caption said, my boyfriend the love you babe. so what i called him out on it, he said to me i thought you might get the wrong idea about that.

[laughter] and i was like, and he was like yeah heather think she's my girlfriend and she's really crazy, so i don't want to tell her, so i just take pictures with her and let her pose them, and let her think she's my girlfriend. >> like i really turn a lot in the mornings and have a lot of nightmares in the morning. >> so there was a happy ending they're not together anymore. >> i believe with carla this is such a "big brother" tech story. but that doesn't bother me personally because my life is truly so boring that if any tech employees were to monitor me, they would say this girl goes to bed at 6:00 p.m. every single night. maybe the 630 to catch the first roundtable discussion on special report. then i'm out. greg: and there's one answer just don't wear fitbit. take it off and put on the mannequin. or a female can.

or a female can. don't when we started our business we were paying an arm and a leg for postage. i remember setting up shipstation. one or two clicks and everything was up and running. i was printing out labels and saving money. shipstation saves us so much time. it makes it really easy and seamless. pick an order, print everything you need, slap the label onto the box, and it's ready to go. our costs for shipping were cut in half. just like that. shipstation. the #1 choice of online sellers. go to shipstation.com/tv and get 2 months free.

eric: see you full house expected to come next week with a vote where democrats posed to make trump the third president in u.s. history to be impeached. good evening i'm jon scott and this is the "fox report." >> next week vote comes after house judiciary committee improved two article of impeachment related to president dealings with ukraine the president maintains whole thing is a hoax. and argues that it is actually been good for him politically a vote or for impeachment would force a trial in republican led senate. here's judiciary committee graham on his expectations for that. >>