♪. greg: they have something going on and i will, it's embarrassing. although i am not overly embarrassed by. [laughter] i see they are saying it's a disaster, trump is going to kill us on this one. they are right. greg: can't argue with him. [cheering] greg: it is time for the bus show of your life, ever.

greg: do you want a victory lap, you got one trade this was the best week ever, you had everything, trump crushes and impeachment, the democrats employed, all that's missing is an invasion of speech creatures just like cinnamon buns that look like ryan seacrest. [laughter] it is beautiful. and impeach holick, he has a category 5 hurricane, all forwarding at the same time. >> can ask the ukrainians to help them cheat and election. cheat and election. cheat and election. [laughter] >> it's like a second christmas, killing the drifter in the woods pre-that's another story. you can measure the joy and misery of those who voted against you. look at the winners at the state

of the union. about lots of stuff. [laughter] they appeared as joyless as a boarded up a liquor store. would it kill them to stand up and applaud once. and there is nancy ripping up the speech, it turned out she actually needed it pre-ripped so she could pull it off and i wonder who actually cuts a person. [laughter] she got everything that she wanted but soda trump, i did not really realize how great his speech was, although shuffling, it's like the world worst blackjack dealer. she was a mess because she knew where this was going. >> we went through hell, unfairly, did nothing wrong.

did nothing wrong. >> i did things wrong in my life, i will admit, not purposely but i've done things wrong. but this is what the end result is. [cheering] greg: acquittal. you saw it coming, i thought coming, but the dems did not. it ain't happening. and when all full part, so did they. trump did his presser, it was a doozy. but hey this is politics. >> this is politics. and we were treated unbelievably unfairly and you have to understand, we first went through russia, russia, russia. it was all [bleep]

[cheering] greg: that sad we have to [bleep] that. he hit everyone including steve scalise. remember he got whacked. >> he got whacked. he got whacked. by steve wright, i went to a house with a great first lady that night, right honey and we saw a man that was not going to make it. it was the doctor, and i told him, i said your wife, loves you, why do you say that, because she was devastated. a lot of wives wouldn't even really give a damn. [laughter] greg: steve scalise, i actually honestly think you are better looking at. >> steve scalise, i actually, honestly think you're better looking now. you weren't that good-looking. you look good now.

[laughter] greg: that's amazing. but what about bobby richardson. >> bobby richardson would kill them off. he had unbelievable range. this was not steve scalise. [laughter] steve scalise had no range. greg: enough about steve scalise. what about christopher steele, he should've sued him to. >> i should've sued him to but people don't like suing, i want to think my legal team, not to that device for other advice. greg: trump is a lonesome human being is any. >> trump is a lonesome hen human being. i'm not really about person. greg: did the media feel that way? what do you think?

>> vindictive, profane, angry, rambling response, this is impeachment acquittal. >> was full of revenge, mean-spirited, poisonous. >> the first time the word bs and he did not abbreviate was used in the east room and a formal address. >> it was dark because he made clear his mind is dark. this is somebody in deep psychological distress right now. greg: once again the shrinks come out to play. but these morons cannot diagnose. which they probably have, much less mental illness paid but if the media was in the medical profession, all of them would workout tax-free why is it so bad for them, the facts are killing them, 90% of americans are satisfied with their personal life. the approval numbers for the republican party, trump's numbers jump during impeachment as new job numbers meet expectations. all the prosperity and

happiness, what did the dems have to offer, victimhood, cancel culture, identity politics, class warfare, anger. no wonder the democratic party is less popular than frying bacon in the nude. learned. after that the first time competition in the streetfighting department. can you remember the last time trump rolled over unless it's over someone. [laughter] in a world of myths, he's a boxing glove, he punches back and it can be exhausting for everyone including republicans who are not used to it. but it is also hilarious, trump tweets memes that acquittal everyone from gavin newsom, they deserve it. but so do we, we deserve to see them freak out. it is our reward for months of hysteria. [laughter]

there is something else to be thrilled about. for the media and the dems, politics is always personal. is bills and sports, education, entertainment, is colluded everything. but trump has reversed the current. he has brought real life into politics. jokes, insults, honest to god, laughs, it's a new york life cross between a construction boss and a cabdriver. but still it is great because it drives the establishment bonkers. is it over, hardly. the hate is deep in an emotional investment heavy too deep to scar. we will go through millions of dollars, months of attention, a phony exercise with the media strongly behind it. really impeachment is a fantasy sports league for losers. but as they get worse trump seems to get better because impeachment is his vitamin.

you keep taking them who keep taking them. [cheering] welcome tonight's guest, she has gall in a southern drawl, dagen mcdowell. [cheering] he's written more scripps than a doctor in the er, tv writer rob long he's a face of a generation, she is the face of jen, ka kat timpf,. [cheering] and welcoming. when it comes to a loser i prefer a sore loser.

when you beat them, they have a total meltdown in a help to savor the victory. it puts an exclamation point on it. and they were denied the history clinton meltdown because she had after she lost the donald trump ring they have been waiting for over three years to watch what nancy pelosi did at the state of the union address. she practically had a twitch. [laughter] and she was biting the inside of her mouth and then she completely lost it and it drove home the victory. greg: i help but notice the response that trump never changes. it's like oh my god, he said this, i can't believe he said bs, they live in a world were they never hears these things, and coming from the president, it's been three or four years, move on. >> the guy is funny. a friend of mine writes for a comedy show and he's a trump

supporter and they're all watching all the writers are watching him give the speech and he makes a bunch of jokes, come on the guy is funny. [laughter] you don't have to like him to think he's funny. i think that is ultimately the thought of the democrat, your bunch of people who do not like him. i don't like it. , i like the percent unemployment, i like 200,000 new jobs, i like that, i like all the things he said in the state of the union, genuine successes of a president has a right to claim, he did it -- they literally have, things are good but were mad as hell about. greg: you don't have to like his word and his deeds, but saying this forever, there might be a correlation between the success. >> americans did not hire him to be there from. they hired him to do the job and he did his four-year review on

tuesday night and it was pretty good. [cheering] greg: i'm the guy that who said it was awkward to work. it kills me too say. greg: kat, the word thing about it, he was on the republican side but he was a good liberal president, some of the things he was talking about was some of the things democrat should've been applauding. >> some transcended politics. so everybody has to agree that donald trump has said and done many things that anyone else would've ended their political career a long time ago. and the democrats don't get it. their same house as possible, what is the sourc sorcery but ia lot has to do with you guys, a

perfect example is the way they acted at the state of the union. it was not just the paper ripping, when he's talking about the transcended politics, low unemployment, honoring a veteran, lawmakers are standing up and tearing and they were like -- you just ripped your life or my freedom [bleep] [cheering] but that's part of the reason why republicans have such an easy time saying it's trump derangement syndrome. even if you have a legitimate concern or complaint about his presidency or policies, people won't take it as seriously because you already proven you don't need a reason to be complaining and pissed off. greg: that's an excellent point. tyrus what do you think of the week? >> well let's focus on the positive of the democrats. i was sick all week. so i watched a lot of tv. you have to wait a long time to

get the good stuff. so i watched a lot of coverage of the impeachment trial and i watched a lot of iowa caucus stuff. i remember watching in the beginning when they were trying to form lines like who it group, whose viable and whose not viable in the nice old elderly lady who can count the 127 people in the room and lined them up and was in charge of an app, i know it's just the cough medicine but she's going to screw this up. [laughter] they literally -- whenever you have glasses with a chain on the end of it. [laughter] you are not supposed to be the person in charge of a new app. >> your spouse to be in the library. >> i saw one person moving, went from biden to warn and she was

like nope, we have to start over. and the best thing ever was an even older guy who comes over to help her look, she says don't, i think is 17, i think is 24. they are going to mess this up. all of a sudden i was tuned in. i had three tvs going because i did not want to miss anything of.and at one time i'm like they still must've that they couldn't even count. what they need to do is get a big tent and put it in front of the camera, under construction, democrats 2024, new things coming. [laughter] greg: what's next for adam schiff, you do not want to miss this. it's the next one. you always drive this slow? how did you make someone i love? that must be why you're always so late. i do not speed.

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greg: poor adam. he really thought he had them. we talked about who won the impeachment trial. let's talk about who didn't. don't think the dems are not going to stop trying to find dirt on trump. he will look anywhere. they will go to a local high school if they thought they would find the good there.

right adam? >> and now adam schiff goes undercover at a local high school. >> whoa, hey bro. >> can i help you. >> i am new here. >> new here, how old are you. >> i just got my license. >> you want to score some grass? >> grass? >> what he tried to do so me some weed old man? >> return to sell me weed? >> guptagotcha. greg: unfortunately for adam, not even mitt romney could help it. everyone knew there were not enough votes to convict. the only way out of this hell pretending he was a hero. >> this is a profile encourage and still room for mavericks here in washington. >> fl historic indeed. it will cement semina senator rs

legacy. >> romney seem to be reaching for john mccain. >> he is now the president of the republican resistance to donald trump. >> enjoy the praise while at last, and two weeks ago back to hating you. and you have to find someone to commiserate with, someone who understands rejection, right adam? >> and now adam schiff to face times joe biden. >> hunter, is that you? >> adam schiff. >> never heard of her. >> has anyone seen a giant bag of rock salt at the daytona 500. >> 500, that's a number right? >> yeah. >> come on man, 14 divided by two equals matt damon. >> if you had been there you would've known that.

>> matt damon, four versus fettuccine. >> fettuccine, delicious, used to make it in the toaster. >> on the count of three name your favorite place toaster fettuccine. >> one, two, three. >> bathtub. >> bathtub. >> you to. >> come on man. greg: how will history judge this week, the media loves to ask how historians will view this impeachment trial and they won't be too kind to donald trump read all i know this, when historians look back, i will probably be dead. i cannot predict what historians will say in 100 years. but i think i can predict what voters may do in november. right adam? >> adam schiff starts his new job. >> can i get a large cappuccino please. >> name. >> mike.

>> mike. >> no, i don't like it. >> i should call you derek. >> large cappuccino coming up. [laughter] >> large cappuccino for derek. >> i saw you the whole time, you need room for cream? >> well yeah but -- >> large cappuccino for derek, enjoy. >> thank you? [applause] greg: rob, where is adam now, can how can he show his face after what the damage he has done to his party. >> alter you, he is on his way to get his enemy, that deserves

pretty good performance. i gotta say, i didn't think he had that kind of range. >> adam schiff is going to be a safe congressman, he has a safe district, they are going anywhere and is good for republicans to remember the democrats will continue to hold the house and they might get the senate. this is a long process we're going through here. but go back to it, if you said five years ago the front runner and the democratic party was going to be a communist, i don't mean that in a bad way, i think he's literally a communist. [laughter] in the runner-up is going to be a dude who is married to another dude and you don't think to yourself, god america is a great place, it's a land of opportunity. joseph mccarthy was terrified that a communist would run for president and we have one now and were like always a communist he's not going to win whatever. that's pretty good. if you're adam schiff, he has to

get a new act, because of how bad everything is and it's going to be a problem going forward. greg: it's intolerant i see what you mean. >> america is actually -- we are doing great. it is great, everything is great. [applause] greg: is everything great with you? [laughter] >> i was pretty bummed to see the whole mitt romney thing on the rundown. i don't want to talk about romney. it might shock you because his reputation for being so interesting. [laughter] talk about a guy who lives on the edge, the nikkei six of the senate. [laughter] good times. in a larger picture, i don't like the way we talk about in the political climate, the way we talk about somebody who at any point rakes with her party

so he -- trump was wrong, he votes that way, now you think he's a hero or a monster. hero, what about that, full of women think, you got jazzed up about that or the monster, not that scary of a monster. he did what he thought was right to do and it did not change anything. greg: that's what he did. >> trump is still acquitted and we are so all still going to die someday. [laughter] greg: to your point, it's a person with new ideas. >> i think it's bad because it should not be such a huge deal. >> he isn't the only one senator that has the beef with trump, and not the only one senator republican -- a little bit of principle but a lot of beef. i think each beef. >> are you going to miss adam schiff? >> he's not going anywhere, he

is literally writing a new screenplay. it was like spain, it was always spain not russia, not ukraine. it was spain, a photo of giuliani with a huge bullfighter. that right there. two bullfighter's, giuliani and trump and that's where the russian messages were sent, it was spain the whole time. greg: i had no idea. >> impeachment too, go to spain. this is not going anywhere. greg: it is going to be great. >> i'm telling you spain. [laughter] greg: i wonder who's going to inject the. >> impeachment to. >> we are going to have fun with this one to.

>> it'll burned into my brain forever about romney. when i look at mitt romney i see stone washed jeans with cleats. [laughter] there actually not even jeans their denim trousers. he is the dude at the daytona 500 walking around asking the drivers were the door handle is. [laughter] but you know what, i look at him, he's a dork. you know that trump has made every other republican senator a total bad. lindsey graham has a posture where he's like, say what, say what, bring it. in mitt romney is standing there with his thumb up his. greg: some might say it's our culture taking your plotting. >> we are course, we speaker mine. greg: we have more.

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>> live from "america's news headquarters", tragedy in thailand as 21 people are killed in a wide shooting rampage. the suspect began the alleged attack by shooting to people at a military barracks, authorities say he then drove to a busy mall and open fire. dozens were also injured, the

suspect was killed by police after an hour long standoff in the mall. investigators say the shooting may have started over a landfill payment dispute. meantime a milestone in china where a hundred people have now died from the coronavirus. that surpasses the 774 people killed during the sars pandemic. worldwide more than 8000 people were infected commissars also known as severe acute respiratory syndrome. now back to grade gutfeld. >> "the greg gutfeld show" presents. the 2020 candidates. greg: don't knock us for the caucus, the iowa caucus was picture day at school and the democratic party was the kid that shaved half his head with dads razor the night before. all the planning and pressure to

get it right. mom even got him a new outfit. but sadly the kickoff to the campaign was a night of nothing. so no winner was declared on monday night and until thursday night all precincts were reported, mayor pete and bernie separated by a half of a percentage point. elizabeth warren came in fifth and pocahontas county iowa. [laughter] not even kidding. [laughter] that is like me coming in last and got filled awesome county utah. which is it. the associated press will not clear winner in the dnc wants to restate kansas . everyone's moving on to new hampshire, bloomberg is trying to match trump's trolling game and doubling his add. ♪. greg: that was the opposite of

not sucking. a 5-year-old on a sugar high could of done a better job fingerpainting from his diaper. sorry. [laughter] sorry, what is liz doing here. she is getting off a private jet, that is not very earth friendly. watch what's going on. i'm going to hide behind this person -- you cannot see me. where did she go. you can't see me now, she disappeared. there you go. for more let's check in with the political point correspondent who is kicking back with the moonshine. how are you holding up? [laughter] patient herself tootles.

kat, what's going on. i just thought what happened and i was so interesting. it was democrat versus other democrats and somehow trump still one. [laughter] the dude doesn't even have to run. and he still one. it was such an absurd, is truly unbelievable. the party is trying to run the most powerful country in the world . that's a pretty tough job when you're still apparently trying to figure out counting. [laughter] greg: bloomberg's ad, you know he paid piles of cash for that. , i've heard the salaries he's paying, if you don't have talent, you're making a casserole out of crab which equals e. coli. >> that is your question.

now all be thinking about e. coli in the diaper. but think about that the video was two and a half minutes long and also did was lie, i love the gingerbread man, catch me as fast as you can. i just assumed since trump called him many mike that that was many mike. greg: you are right. [laughter] greg: pirates, more on the iowa caucus, how do you feel? >> when you are not true to yourself, it is very hard to maintain that façade. in the democratic party is trying to maintain how bad things are. things are so bad that a humble schoolteacher who dreamed of being president of the united states flies in a private jet from iowa to new hampshire.

and then for some reason, doesn't want to do 100,000 selfies when she got off the plane. but because she is not into money and success in the things that drive americans, getting out of the plane is a bad thing so we have to hide. if you were being true to yourself, and saying i can be president, when you're president, guess what you can roll on a private jet, come check it out. and people think that's cool i want to be like that, but that's not what were doing. were all victims, were all abused, pay no attention to the private jet. i came down here on a school bus. [laughter] that actually made stops on the way. [laughter] greg: she should've made it disappear like david copperfield. >> people see right through the façade. real quick, if you give me $100,000 to do the ad i will put two gingerbread men up there.

[laughter] greg: she could've been hiding and didn't even know it. it could've been a coincidence. i don't care, the choices they have right now are so bad. >> is a problem, for years they've been telling us this is a crisis, america has gone down a wall, everything's terrible, this is an important election, and the truth is, look what happened and i will come a lot of voters did not turn out. democrat in iowa, is it willing to go in stand up for their caucus choice in the actual turnout is low, that's a sign that your base is not that interested. they might want to stay home on a cold tuesday night in november. greg: i think about that too. plenty of shows still. don't go anywhere. [cheering] allergies with sinus congestion and pressure?

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greg: does your animal breck would you call it a peck, pita the animal rights group is offed by what you're saying, they want you to stop calling your animals pets and stop referring yourself to an owner. >> a lot of people who have dogs and cats will call them there pets and refer themselves as owners and this refers to them as possession. >> if you ask a dog or kat they tell you that they rule the house, not the human. at least that's what jasper tells me. so instead of calling them pet, peter's referred term is animal companion because you and your animals are equal. and you should do things with your animal that is equal. like my friend nancy does. >> shoulders down, chest open, tightening the stomach, deep breath income a deep breath out, slow and strong. four more times. four, three.

greg: wait till they do squat. [laughter] kat, i know you're excited about this, why? >> pita is totally wrong, there concern pet objectifies animals, they're not concerned that some animals might want to be objectified. my cats team will not stop posting pictures on instagram. fire emoji, next one, this would, they hate to see me go but they love to watch me leave. peach emoji. he is out of control. this one, he cannot stop posting sexually suggestive instagram post, he loves to be objectified and i would love to have them advise me what to do on this because it's hard to read the problem is hypo sexualized culture. >> cats grow up so fast, before you know it, i don't know.

you know what's worse than: an animal a pet, how about calling it food. [laughter] >> it is true. dog meat from gulliver. >> if animals would be for to be pet. >> i didn't permit before he came on the show, animals don't care what you call them. i have a dog and i have called him boger, and he still looked to me, it's a tone in your voice and the fact that a smell like food. greg: why is it so great right now? >> let's wrap this up, humans understand the human language. i name my dog jackass, and she will come in loving, because she does not know human language. hey what's with the jackass sorry man. when that day happens, i'm worried. they don't give a damn thing.

rub my belly and don't eat me. [applause] greg: you have an animal companion. >> , longtime dog owner, i lost my dog three weeks ago. >> thanks for bringing it up greg. >> the only thing i hated when people would say are you feeling daddy. >> master, owner, guardian, anything but daddy. that's gross. >> i have an animal companion, he is swedish. finn, i walk him in the park. >> stop it. [laughter] >> has he had his shots? [laughter] >> right in the bellybutton. >> we have to take a break, don't get up.

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according to a fraction, rob is quite the attraction, not you rob long, researchers are saying

robert paddington is the best looking man on the planet. it is not their opinion, they applied science to this, called the greek olden ratio of golden pie which was also my nickname in high school. when applied to robert paddington, the results show 90% physical attraction. have you ever heard of the pro soccer coach, patterson is pre-algebra to this calculus. i can't stop looking at him. anime heterosexual. but rob is only 92% perfect. according to science here's what 100% looks like. [laughter] [applause] or that he looks great in jeans. oh yeah, it's present for your eyes. yes, no, no, yes. [laughter] >> take that stupid math.

iris, would you make of this? >> i don't. i just want to punch the guy in the stomach. look at his face now. he is crying and throwing up. what planet is that cute, that phase does not tell me the keep sunday off the house. the law of nature when something is good-looking and attractive you going get food, he looks like he would be stolen. greg: what piracy is saying, the truth. i think of good-looking guys, lee marvin and point-blank or robert conrad and wildwood west, robert conrad in anything. >> listen you don't have to tell me, i'm not buying it. i also feel traditionally the only number that matters for male attractiveness is a net worth. [laughter] traditionally that is the thing that will affect the ladies in

my understanding. [laughter] greg: there's always an argument that has to do with good-looking men have settle feminine features, cheekbones, subtle breast, very top stomach, men with childbearing hips are very sexy. >> hot. >> big tan. >> man only needs to do two things, make me laugh and make me waffles. >> is that youth and is him. >> i love a man with an asymmetric face. if he has on one side harrison ford -. greg: that is asymmetric and physically impossible. >> you've never seen the dudes i've dated. [laughter] kat, i'm afraid to ask, what's

your favorite thoughts of the hottest man on the planet. >> i've never been good at math but this explains why i dated so many guys without teeth in my 20s. you look at one guy -- if i was in school and didn't pay attention two, i'm not going to be an astronaut and somebody if you would've said little catherine you want to be an astronaut but you won't be able to tell who is hot or not and that will make things hard for you. i might've paid attention. >> you might have. perfect man, clint eastwood. that poncho, him riding in. clint eastwood, the good, bad and ugly. greg: he could paint my town red. >> what are we doing. greg: i don't know. don't go away. [cheering] (vo) parents have a way of imagining the worst...

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>> we are out of time. thank you for joining me. i am great got phil, i love you america. [cheering] jesse: welcome to watters were, i'm jesse watters, i was state of the union, acquittal in a democratic debate, we don't have enoughon show. turn on the news, packed into a week so we stack the hour. tonight steve bannon, rudy giuliani, kellyanne conway, jerry falwell junior, and democraticl presidential candidate tolson gabbard, but the first, what a week, that the subject of tonight watters words. this is how we know trump had his best week ever. listen to the left. >> everybody wants to get out of town today.