"are you stupid?" "the greg gutfeld show" is coming up and i will see you next saturday night. same place. president trump: i just said how long have you two been together? he met her at the rally in colorado. can you believe that? can you believe it? man, did he get lucky. greg: he's not just a president. he's a matchmaker. [cheers and applause] greg: was that a debate pore what? here is my favorite moment.

there is bloomberg under there somewhere. first there is mini mike. no boxes. we call him no boxes. president trump: mini mike. no boxes. we call him no boxes. and i hear he's getting pounds tonight. he's in a debate. i hear they are pounding him. greg: he got pounded like a dandelion in a hailstorm. >> a man who calls women fat broads and horse faced less bians. >> he ask ask stop and frisks and throws 5 million black men up against a wall. >> half a million people sleep shout on the street tonight. >> we have a very few

non-disclosure agreements. >> how many is this? greg: he should have said only rosie o'donnell. he got passed around like a porno in a frat house. he did so bad yo. blook bloomberg made a fool out of himself that night. president trump: bloomberg made a fool out of himself last night. he said i can't breathe, i can't breathe. don't ask me a question. greg: you have got to hand it to pocahontas. she took bloomberg pout. main she is part native american because that felt like little big horn.

then there is joe. aka jan brady. instantly becomes forgotten when some other people are in the room. he is the can di d he is the can halloween that nobody eats. the good and plenties. the nerks cco wafers. >> the history is full of great comebacks. alexander hamilton, he had a rough time in that duel, but he lived to talk about it. jack dawson went down with the titanic. but look what happened to him. lived a long life and became king of france. old yeller fought that.

wolf and got rainies. the mullet is coming back. business up front, party in my pants. greg: joe was lucky being forgotten standing on the stage. he was already dead, he just didn't know it. so why kick him, let's ask him. >> joe biden on michael bloomberg. >> you can't buy an election. i know i tried. i have been to all the sites. qvc, etsy. hot topic. no elections on sale there. i even tried that amazon. yeah. got lost in the rain forest cafe. great beef nachos. you have got to wonder how they

get that cow to the top of the volcano. text joe to joe versus the val ka --volcano. greg: then there waist was amy. the gunfight at the glee club. >> you have not went in arena doing that work. you memorize a bunch of talking points. greg: oh, wow. mayor pete is that annoying guy on trivia night hop tells everyone his i.q. but he still lose. then bernie. when a capitalist and socialist are on the same stage and the capitallive gets thrown under it. isn't that what socialism is?

it's not about spreading wealth, but by spreading envy of which bernie has an endless supply. but bernie won the debate because everybody went for the billionaire. bernie is the scrawniest ching in the bucket. everyone gets eaten before him. i-think it's fowl. don't clap for that. that's terrible. so the debate became a life boat that's seats only five but 60s wante --but six wanted in. bloomberg was the on successful businessman there. he employed thousands and made billions. no longer a success story, he's only a white sexist male, so

skin him alive, boys. imagine if trump was up there instead of mini mike. sometimes you can perceive genius by its absence. and what is mission is what trump possesses. i think the dems know that by now. >> i want to -- greg: what the hell was that? why is it that left wing protesters always sounds like poltergeists. it's like a screeching ghoul you conjure up at a seance with a qijii board. no wonder the media reacted this

way. >> bloomberg was awful. >> they agreen bernie is the leader. if something doesn't stop him. >> this was a disaster. >> it was a great night for donald trump. it was a terrible night for the democrats. if bernie is allowed to win it they will be in more trouble than they thought they were in. >> i don't see him having any shot in the general election. i'm panicked. greg: i'm so happy he's panicked. i for one can't wait for the next week's debate. it's tuesday. here is the preview.

let's welcome our next guest. walter kirn. he always has the jitters but never litters. comeed man jo -- comedian joe machi. happy birthday. when you see the democrat compete with each other you realize how talented trump is. he's big, they are tiny. that's my thought, what's yours? >> trump has written half your show so far. i have a bet hillary will get in the race ultimately. what i think is happening right now is the eat equivalent of when the landlord wants to get

all the tenants out of the apartment building and they put in barking dogs and they turn off the water. it's a disaster an everybody runs and the rich person comes in and makes a palace out of it. i think it's planned mutual destruction. it what's we usually do in the middle east. we level the place and install a king. greg: and the king is hillary. >> yes. >> were you impressed by ask any of the candidates? >> i was not impressed by bloomberg. you would think people would expect to be criticized. it would have been cheaper if he just ranked a scene independents. but i think people anointed him to be this great candidate just like they did with joe biden. but it's harder to be a candidate once you are actually an candidate. greg: anybody you like?

>> not really. '. maybe they will get the rock johnson into the race. kat: i was confused watching the debate. i thought dude, you are so rich, why are threw. you have so much money you can do anything you want in the world and you decide you want to go on the stage and allow people to roast you for hours on tv. not a normal guy. a very, very rich duped. he could get a fleet of helicopters. whenever they start to say bad things about him on the debate. forget p.a. system. he says you are damn right. i'm rich. 2020, baby. people criticize me foe buying the election so why not make it more fun.

greg: i watched him on stage. it reminded me of a family arguing over the will of a dying relative. >> what the hell happened in your family? i have been reaching out to bloomberg on this show several times. i am expensive. but i'm good. give me an earpiece. call her pocahontas. no joke. you remember that time when you remembered? immediately, you know what i'm saying? you are this. are you still pocahontas? what are you this month? are you irish? he has no fight because he's a billionaire. no one has told this man anything but what he wanted to hear forever. when he had this rehearsal with

his team of yes men'. he has everything in the world but one thing, charisma. he could be short and feisty and nasty. if there was a way he could steal cat's brains for one debate. and with enough makeup, you could be bloomberg. i am a billionaire. le i will have to get on my knees. gutfeld, bloomberg. you want to make a million dollars. make me look good. when he found out i'm a billionaire. get things done. greg: maybe you will find out in 2028. that's when i'm running.

to canada. we'll be right back. hi guys. this is the chevy silverado with the world's first invisible trailer. invisible trailer? and it's not the trailer right next to us? this guy? you don't believe me? hop in. good lookin' pickup, i will say that. oh wow. silverado offers an optional technology package with up to 15 different views - including one enhanced view that makes your trailer appear invisible. wow. - that's pretty sweet. - that's cool. oooohh! that's awesome. where'd the trailer go? i love it. it's magic.

greg: the election has got them bumming -- so the russians must

be coming. the media retreats to the russian hysteria. in hah house committee officials warned russia was interfering in the 2020 campaign to re-elect trump. of course. and the media lapped it up like kittened with a bowl of milk. >> it's official, russia has endorsed the reelection of donald trump. >> here we are again, russia trying to interfere in our election apparently to benefit donald trump. >> the russians are coming for their main man, donald j. trump. >> the president is a russian operative. it sounds like a bad screenplay but it's real. greg: i love mirks ka.

-- mika. >> why would trump shelter russia. >> the russians believe they have quote ability to influence the administration through derogatory information they have regarding the financial situation of trump. the russian interference in the election which was designed to help the trump campaign. >> russia was interfering in the election specifically to hand the presidency to donald trump. greg: the dems in the media tried this crap before and it didn't pan out. russia russia russia. am i right? president trump: russia russia russia.

>> not exactly deja vu. it's more like the slow motion feeling you have when you are sliding on the ice and you know you are going to crash and there is nothing we can do about it. here we go again. greg: like watching your show six months ago. two years ago. kat, what do you think? kat: i did some research. everyone says they are meddling. i thought what does that mean? "washington post." three paragraphs down. it was not clear what specific steps if any u.s. intelligence officials say russia might have taken. "new york times" 21 paragraphs down says the russians are experimenting.

a lot of people don't go into all the research as i do. so they hear it. so, they are interfering, they get the up precious they are hacking the election system. it sounds like they are trying to do that social media stuff again. and cut everyone out and post a fake news article. i'll never see my aunt betty again. let's calm down and wait until we actually know what we are talking about. greg: joe, joe. they are apparently trying to help bernie sanders which cancels this whole thing. it's completely meaningless. >> the whole notion you could extort donald trump by trying to embarrass him about anything is

utterly preposterous. if someone said i traveled to a foreign country to get paid -- what they said last time was this thing where using social media interfered with the election. no one goes on social media to change their mind about politics. you go to call people you disagree with mean names. then you look at guilty dog pictures. greg: tyrus, do you believe this latest hysteria? is it true? tyrus: yes, it's all true. all of it. you are in on it. look how he's dressed. all back. russian hair.

just curious, greg. just curious. for those who may not know, writes your wife from, greg? answer the questionr cosmonaut. >> she was born in ukraine and group in moscow. tyrus: where is moscow? russia russia russia. greg: her father did work for the government. tyrus: since we are being honest. i was the first match in the history of the wwe in russia. yeah. -so i kind of owe it to them. greg: walter? >> if i had known russia wanted

america to have low unemployment, to bring the troops home, and to have the strongest stock market in history, i would have voted for dukakis when they were backing him. greg: that's russian collusion. bring it on. my 401k thanks you, putin. don't go anywhere. lots more show to come.

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i'm marianne rafferty. greg: nancy's worst fears, four more years. house speaker pelosi is warning dems to unite so you know who doesn't get a second term. can we withstand one term? >> we can withstand one term, but the destruction he would do to the courts in our country and the environment and he says article 2 says i can do whatever i want. >> that's such [bleep] we won't talk about it. he was talking about the firing of comey, idiot. while the democrats worry about horrible things trump might do

instead of what he has done, low unemployment. are we on the vern of war? no. chicken sandwich wars. these are the wars that took place under trump's watch. do washington democrats keep losing their minds? president trump: washington democrats keep on losing their minds. they hate the fact we are winning. we are winning big. we are winning winning winning. greg: sure we are winning now. but a second term? democrats want you to fantasize misery. manage what the news reports will look like years from now. >> donald trump's second term. how did we get here? the president legalizes murder.

that summer the president has a revelation. all public dining fountains should on dispense ketchup. and he creates a robot force. 2022. only two-shows, the apprentice and "celebrity apprentice." he moves to vermont from australia in exchange for two koala bears. toddlers everywhere. the dancing cat is nominated to the supreme court.

the following winter, trump declares war on the sun. he blows up the moon to prove he's serious. illegal murder, ketchup bounce, space wars. did voters ruin everything by re-electing trump? it sure looks that way. greg:io, can the planet survive four more years of peace and prosperity? >> in 2016 they made it seem like if trump won it would be world war iii. now they are talking about the courts. that doesn't seem as bad. you can't keep using the same scare tactics that didn't come to fruition. then prince charles said 96

months. now they are saying 12 years. i will tell you what. i don't know if that's true or not, i'm not an actor. up not paying attention anymore. greg: tyrus, are you worried? tyrus: about what? greg: if trump gets re-elected the world is going to hell. tyrus: aren't we there? let's break this down. 90% of the country is like better? greg: yes. how is that?

greg: walter, you know how it's interesting how pelosi sees the trump presidency? it has a delayed fuse. it doesn't go off for four years. but when it gets to the fifth year the will go off. >> there is only one term of trump and what i'm sure will be the second term of trump. and that's that nancy pelosi isn't going to be there. [applause] tyrus: she obviously has inside information we don't have. if i knew something bad was going to happen and you weren't listening, i'm going to leave. i am going to pack up and leave. when it happens i will come back and say i told you. greg: kat: , my prediction is the

trump presidency is like a show and this is the second season. kat: they said the same thing the last time. the world will end if he gets elected. this is bad for my brands but i will say it. my life is going pretty well. i'm pretty happy. my career is going well. i got a boyfriends that i am sure is not with me just for money and food. my cat is still alive. my dad also not dead. and as i lay in bed pat night and wonder if something stupid i said and it will be crashing down, at least i'm having the panic attacks on a bed instead

of an air mattress like i was in my 20s. they said if trump was elected i would be living in buckers eating scold cans of beans. i am still eating beans if i want to but it's usually in a burrito bowl. tyrus: and they are not cold. greg: on the up side, that's good for your brands. time to pay some bills. back in 240 seconds. robinhood believes now is the time to do money.

without the commission fees. so, you can start investing today wherever you are - even hanging with your dog. so, what are you waiting for? download now and get your first stock on us. robinhood. greg: are creatures from space living among us? we don't know because we don't

snow what they look like. your image after space alien may look like this or this. that's tv. aliens could be -- could be microscopic. who could these aliens be pretending to be? do you think that's human? seriously? or maidio head? they sound so bad, surely they can't be from this planet. listen to this. sidtyrus, i have a story. does a colony of ants have an

idea of an overpass a mile from the overpass. there could be a giant alien overpass and we can't sight. ants don't say look at the traffic. go ahead, make fun of me. tie rise * what the hell do you want me to say to that we can't get along, what are we going to do with a skinny gray thing. eat it in keep kit as a pet? er time we see an alien we want to kill it. greg: the point you are making. we already eat earthlings. cute bunnies. a baby lamb is an earthling.

those sad-eyed cows. let's say walter you get a totally adorable tasty alien. think of rob lowe that tastes like a cinnabon. and he has an i.q. of 30. >> nothing stopped me last night. sheer is the thing about aliens. i have got it figured out. they look kinds of like us. they don't really understand our minds and how we work. they live on conflict. they want to see war, death, disease. they are disguised as journalists. greg: walter! kat: thicat kat, this might

be bad for your brands. would you date space aliens? kat: you mean they have been here this whole time and not one of them have said hi to me. a little hey kat, how are you? i am not the 17-year-old weirdo desperate for attention. so i will say aliens never heard of them. greg: joe, what do you think? >> people called me alien before. when i'd heard this, i thought they stoled plot of monty python. there was an asteroid and they thought it might be a spaceship

from an alien civilization. it turns out it was a rock. they took that rock and extrapolated maybe aliens are already here. how did you get that from the thing that wasn't a spaceship. it's like they said there was a big bang 13.6 million years ago. you know what that means? no god. greg: i get it. they concluded that from that. that's ridiculous. greg: that was deep. that was

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ask. shop. discover. at your local xfinity store today. greg: is your ficus in crisis. your house plant may be sharing her home with a murderer. and that is you. a survey shows most millennials can't take care of plants.

67% say a plant was more trouble than they bargained for. you have got to worry about how much sunlight, how much water. do you talk to it. and if you talk to it, what's the gender appropriate pronoun? it's a lot of stress for a plant. did you note average human has killed 7 plants they had in their house? but not my neighbor landscaping larry. somewhattering, leaf raking. greg: a very loud neighbor. but sexy, walter. i believe plants are harder to

take care of than children. because plants can't tell you when they are thirsty or sick. babies are crying will everything. plants are better than children. >> you stump me sometimes. when i originally read this story it said millenials are afraid of plants. not that they can't take care of them. every generation has its fears. the baby boomer generation feared minerals. now many are buried under granite. but the thing about plants is i feared nuclear war when i was a kid. but there was nowhere to go. ' we have arms and legs, you can run from plants to other plants. i think we are surrounded. greg: we are. we are surround.

joe, are you troubled by plants. >> i had a pet cactus last year. i killed it and i felt nothing. i will bet people who say plants from hard to care for really are people hop complain about how hard it is to raise kids. that infuriates people who train bears. greg: that was a good one, save that for your act. kat, do you kill plants? kat: every plant that was in my care has unfortunately passed away. i'm intimidated by them. tip want them to live, i'm sure

they want to live, too, why encourage me to welcome something into my home that i am going to kill. i'm already a manhatta -- i'm aa plant serial killer. and i'm not going to do it anymore. i to the instructions and they always still die. greg: the instruction is just watering. >> didn't mike bloomberg say anyone could be a farmer? kat: i said the same thing exactly. greg: i am like you. i don't have a green thumb, i have a gray thumb. it belonged to a drifter. tyrus: i have all thee the things you guys talk about. i have dogs, i have children,

and i have plants. and i take care of all of them. but fit came down to it and i had to make one choice. plants don't talk back. plants don't grow up and not leave home. plants just sit there. so if you really put an axe to me and said kids, dogs or good ferns. i'm going to miss you guys. i will go with the fern. greg: i have lived a pretty wildlife. i have plants from three different women. tyrus: well, i have kids from three different women. no, i'm wrong, that was a joke. i have kids from four different women. true story.

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>> finally tonight continuation of the 52 part series that examined examine something deep. [laughter] >> animals are jerks, animals are jerks. jesse: thank you everyone.

i am greg gutfeld, i love you america. 2020, i am jon scott, thank you for watching. >> welcome to "watters world", i am jesse watters. bernie sanders continues the search for the democratic nomination winning the contest and i will in nevada before we get to watters' words and the rest of the show we will take you live las vegas where we have fox news correspondent mark meredith at the dnc headquarter. >> that is right as you are talking about fox news protecting that bernie sanders had a good night with the nevada caucus, the results are still calculating but is not likely to change after what we seem bernie sanders putting a lot of time and effort in nevada and his supporters seem to be coming after him. there was a tremendous amount of pressure on the