"the greg gutfeld show" is coming up. i'll see you next saturday night the capital. have a good night. [♪] >> common sense of washing your hands, not touching your face. insuring if you touched anything you wash your hands again. president trump and i haven't ht touched my face in weeks, in weeks, and i miss it. greg: we do, too, mr. president. so, just a few days ago the press and pundits declared the campaign dead. >> just a few days ago the press and the pundits declared the campaign dead. they said by super tuesday it would be over. well it may be over for the

other guy. by the way, this is my little sister valerie, and this is my wife. no, this is my wife and this is my sister, they switched on me. greg: he confused a sibling with a spouse. it's not as rare as you think. no idea why they are clapping. yes, the moment after joe wins big he reminder one * h remindsr one he don't know what's going on. they chose the right guy, pants or no pants. but don't think they were rejecting socialism. they only took bernie out because they knew he would lose big. the dems wouldn't refute his attacks on capitalism mainly

because they agreed with him. right, joe? >> my grandfather said during civil war. march comes in like a lion and goes out like sonic the hedgehog. sonic, blue, like blue tuesday, my favorite holiday. friday, the song by the cure. it's friday and i'm in gloves. that's good advice for the coronavirus. spend friday in gloves, you will be wake up healthy saturday. text joe to super taco tuesday and get a free pair of gloves with every purchase. greg: thank you, joe. joe benefited from a political version of a mob hit. obama calling in favors to take

sanders out. what will the bernie bros do? what does a bitter ex do? she hooks up with a dumper america hates most. america's bad boy. but thank god for this guy. he announced he's going to campaign for joe. joe must be thrilled. you have got scaramucci. whose next, this guy? or what about this guy? yeah. he's back in the news. according to a new documentary bill clinton claims he had an infamous affair with an intern as therapy for anxiety. let's ponder that.

if sex can be viewed as a therapeutic treatment for a health issue i wonder if this can be approved as a medical device. i hope aetna covers that. i can't requirement. i already opened the box. michael bloomberg drop out and at msnbc they struggled with math. >> when i read it tonight on social media it became clear. bloomberg spent $500 million on ads. the u.s. population 327 million. he could have given each american $1 million and had lunch money left over it's an incredible way of putting it. >> it's an incredible way of putting it.

it's true. greg: how adorable is that. the media trying to do math. obviously it doesn't come to a million a person. it's like $1.50. that shows the media's incope tense. it's why -- media's incompetence. watching them do math is like watching me dunk a basketball or tyrus put on a pair of skinny jeans. a lot has been made on the money bloomer spent. it's not bloomer spent a ton and got close. what got in his way was this. >> there is no i in team. i spell team t-e-a-m.

money can buy you delegates but not a personality. he's what happens when a snoots button and a -- when a snooze button and a snapping hurtle mate. it could happen. he's like what dries on the edge of a casserole pan. >> joe biden on breakfast foods. >> i am not going to lie to you, i like a little ice in my breakfast. and america's favorite beer, heineken. put them together, you have got a dream team. you remember them? magic johnson, larry bird. best two-man bobsled team in

history. text joe to down hill, heineken, the rocky mountains and the great state of philadelphia. greg: now it's down to a two-man race, or what joe calls spaghetti. what happens if the dems get the nod with joe. but you have to sell the jalopy. but when you test drive that against president trump, will joe make it to the end? will liz change her black shirt? it's going to be a hell of a ride and i can't imagine sharing it with anybody but you. >> i'm against it. why are we saving daylight for?

we ought to be spending that on healthcare. vampires. they work at night. i have got a twist for you. guess who has been running for president this whole time. that's right. uncle joe. bam. didn't see that one coming. next joe to bram stoker's dracula. love those kids. greg: let's welcome tonight's guests. he's so patriotic his date with us the declaration of independence. pete hegseth. greg: he's as tasty as the dish he's named after.

comedian jim florentine. he's lean and mean and acts like a teen. kat timpf. greg: he showers sat niagara falls. tyrus. can we just throw up the cover of that book for a second? holy crap. i'm putting that up on my ceiling above the water bed. i'm heterosexual but i'm feeling things. pete: if you are going to crusade you better look like the. greg: you are crusading for a night of passion. what do you make of the new

frontrunner biden. pete: who saw that coming. a week ago maybe we thought bernie was fading a bit because of what happened in south carolina. but who thought the others dropping out and propping up the guy all the way to super tuesday. now he's in the pole position. what they love about him is he's a total empty vessel. your videos are on to something. o'rourke * will feed his left wing policy into him. greg: it's like they care jade tomb across the finish line and they opened the tomb and there is nothing in there. jim, i don't know what happened to me. jim: i think republicans should be worried with biden. if he picks a good vice

president, everyone should know he will make most of the decisions. with his gaffes in four years, imagine what he will sounds like. a weekends at bernies. if there is some big issue. i feel bad for bernie. they pushed him out again. all his fans, feel the bern, well, he got burned. greg: katcat kat, what are you most excited about. kat: bloomberg didn't do so great. everyone was saying why did he spends all that money and all these ads? i totally get. the only thing i don't get is why he didn't do it sooner. i don't mean wanting to be in

the political office. i would have so many ads. just for me. you know? why wouldn't you do that? kat timpf, not at all annoying. all over the place. why doesn't every rich person do that? this ad is for you. greg: that is a great idea. i am unsure -- kat: gajillion. tyrus: if you go back through the history of "the greg gutfeld show," there is one common theme, these tricksters, these old white men they have been trying to get rid of. and they just keep showing up. even with daylight saving time

coming up, you would think they would nap sooner. and they are everywhere. everyone is upset about it. how do these old white men keep showing up. we ban them from our neighborhoods. when they come on tv we ban them. he forgot who his wife was. everybody was okay with that. greg: you know if a black candidate forgot who his wife was, there would be hell to pay. tyrus: especially the sister. it's amazing how the clever and shiftivand -- and shifty those d white men are. greg: we have something very, very special for you. the last moment of liz warren's

campaign. don't miss this. brbrbrbrbr

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greg: pocahontas, elizabeth warren entered her -- ended her bid after a dismal performance. she didn't even win her home state of massachusetts. she came in third. joe biden should thank her for her campaign. she stayed in and destroyed bloomberg. she takes down old white men faster than gout. as usual, she is blaming it all on sexism which is weird because it's her party which is rejecting her. meaning democratic men and women didn't like her. it must have been hard for liz to come to terms with letting go. i wonder what that meeting was like. >> look, we got hit pretty hard tuesday. i think it's time we seriously

think about. >> my experience as a handicapped blackman facing. i was in nam. firefights like you never saw. i saw things you could never forget. when we hit normandy it was like nothing you have ever seen. >> no one will believe you fought in world war ii. >> i'm pregnant with an alien baby. >> you are 70. >> are you saying i'm too 70 to be pregnant? we don't tolerate the age shaping. all right. you are fired. good-bye. okay. all right. who won last night? >> joe biden did. >> so now i identify as joe

biden. so, i'm not his father. i have got to plan for that, too. i'm not his dad. this is going to be great. i just need to figure out what song i'm going to dance to in my victory party. i'm going to dance on out of here now, guys. greg: kat, i felt like you con souped her soul. kat: i did. but the victim stuff from her and her supporters and sexism stuff, she is a famous millionaire and she managed to be a famous millionaire who didn't realize she was white until she was in her 60s.

that's not a tragic story. that's remarkable. as a woman myself i have faced issues involving sexism because i'm a woman. this doesn't help that cause. if you just make excuses it cheapens all the women month have faces that for real. you are just moving women back and i don't appreciate that. greg: if you can't endorse a man because remember you don't want -- there are too' men running, she should endors shoue tulsi. jim: she sounds like another politician who blames evening than herself. she should get a dn sarks test

to see if she is related to hillary. maybe she dropped out because she wants to spend for time with her tribe. maybe she misses it, who knows. greg: she says it is sexist. the problem was, she wasn't likeable. the women didn't want her. tyrus: every time i don't get my way, it's racist. i just -- no one knows how to lose with dignity anymore. it wasn't one person. it was several states that decided thank you, ma'am, but no. we see that all the time. but that's the way it works now in the media where she was wrong. but they blame them and they. they don't say hey, america. you democrats, you didn't vote for this person. it's joe biden has all these mow men couple. they just moved to a different

state. if he would have started the south carolina he would have been the frontrunner. they started in iowa and iowa liked bernie better. it's not momentum. states have people with different ideas. so maybe he did well on these things but they still have more states to go, and they might do it a different way. would that be, it's not a game. the american people make choices based on what's best for them in their situation. it's not momentum. it's just a different state. it wasn't sexism. you just didn't relate. greg: she wanted to be the most woke. i notice the people who want to

be the most woke and appeal to the loudest voices on twitter aren't doing well. pete: everyone thought she would get out of the race and endorse bernie. she saw him fading and she didn't want to endorse someone who is fading. that's why she lost to bernie because she is the fake social yifortd. people went with the original gangster in bernie sanders. why would you go with the poor man bernie. greg: when it came to elizabeth warren it was america who has reservations. it's like a frisbee in the desert. you can see it from six miles away coming right at you. at leaf blowers.

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aishah: an attendee at cpac tested positive for the coronavirus. annual conference hosts thousands of conservatives for all over the country. president trump and vice president pence were speakers at the conference. the white house says neither

were near that infected individual. cruise ship passengers are confined to their roops after 2 people on board tested positive for the virus. the ship has been circling in international waters off san francisco bay. the captain of the ship said the ship will dock at the port of oakland, california. the ship is carrying people from 54 countries. daylight saving is here. sit clocks back at 2:00. greg: it will be trumpee versus grumpy? we have this crazy thing that happened tuesday which we thought was thursday. president trump: we had this crazy thing happen tuesday which

he thought was thursday. an also said 150 million people were killed with guns and he was running for the united states senate. there is something going on there. greg: what about bernie. was he all set for bernie? president trump: i was all set for bernie because i thought it was going to happen. we get ready for things. mentally i was all set for bernie. i said i think it will be hard for him to come back. greg: what can we expect from trump the incumbent candidate. he has plans to fly a blimp over swing states this summer to get his message out. you ask, why not a blimp? this blimp will be like a trump tweet flying over your head. i can't wait to see what it says

on the blimp. trump, the on thing higher than the bernie bros is this blim. trump, this is the best blimp. everyone agrees, that i can tell you. trump, enough with the jasper pics, dana, we get it, you love your dog. writes hunter? he's got to do that. what gutfeld, but not "watters world." good year? how about four more great years? and finally, trump, how do i lands? i don't know how they lands blimps. i missed this in blimp school.

this is the first time we'll see trump the incumbent. jim: i don't know about the blimp thing. that's kinds of dated. but they are old guys. bernie, bind, is biden going to start morse code tweeting? is bernie going to use pony express? he could have been a passengerren the behinden berg. greg: trump as incumbent is defending his titletyrus: i like it's annoying. because if you don't like him or you might not follow him on

twitter. but if you are motion our liberal lawn -- if you are mowing your liberal lawn and your liberal child is saying daddy, look what's over my safe space. just flying it around. it will be fun when it swoops in over cnn. like no one is watching. greg: the president watches this show. so he just got 7 great ideas. any suggestions for the blimp? jim: you put me on the spot there. greg: have him read your book. pete: "american crusade"? greg: show your book. pete: i absolutely --

greg: i didn't know you had a tattoo there. so it expands. pete: a picture of trump. it's absolute genius. blimps don't move. they stay there for hours. you think maybe if i kept the number on there. anything to make you go away. the trump derangement syndrome spins out of control. there were some people encouraging to be more presidential. a lot of us were figuring it out. i was right there, too. now that he's been president for four years and mocked what it means to be presidential.

manage what it's -- imagine what it's going to look like. greg: i am scared he won't do debates because he might not need to. that would break my hart. kat: it would be trump and a guy who doesn't know he's debating. when i read all the articles about super tuesday, which was a lot of them. i kept seeing joe biden being referred to as the saved candidate. and i would pause every time. when i watch him talk, i don't feel safe. i am nervous for him. i'm nervous for everyone around him, they will get called dog faced pony soldiers. i'm nervous for myself and i'm not even involved. it makes no sense for me to be nervous. but it's overwhelmingly

terrifying. greg: somebody could lose an eye, it's amazing it could be so much fun. cat * he should do magic. it would be better. greg: back in a bit. we have more to come. stay right there. double dozen big! it's captain d's new double dozen shrimp. yeah, you heard that right. two dozen golden, crispy shrimp piled high on one plate! time to double down when the captain is callin'. captain d's. time to double down when the captain is callin'.

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[♪] greg: do they see the idiocy? a utah woman is challenging a middle school rule after her daughter wasn't allowed to say no to a boy who asked her to dance on valentine's day. the girl said no, but the

principal stepped in and said she had to. the principal admits they asked that all students agree to dance with each other to make sure no kids feel like they get left out. the mother said it's a load of crap and kids should learn to deal with rejection. i get turned down when i asked about to dance all the time. sometimes on the subway. that's why i only dance with my miniature horse sparkles. [♪] we cut out right in the knick of time. tyrus, you have daughters. i'm dying to know what you

think. trying to get past that visual. >> you said i take showers at niagara falls and now pony love. dancing is always a tough thing for kids anyway. you should be allowed to say no. and young men, the word no is what builds our character. i don't remember any of the girls i danced with. but i remember all the nos. i remember every no. there is that walk afterwards. back to your well. heart beating. you hear your favorite song. you think i'm going to do it, i am going to do it. your friends say you aren't going to do it. would you like to dance? no. cool. you come back and say i hate this song. i didn't want to dance to this

stopping anyway. you should be able to accept no. why do we feel that we live in a world where our kids can't accept no, they can't fail. they can't deal with rejection. that's what they need because the real world is about no and rejection. and then you make other kids uncomfortable? and you have to dance with someone? >> we have a second immune system we are not building up for kids. i feel bad for a girl when she is asked to dance to a stairway to heaven. it's like a 9-minute song. tyrus: if it's an 8th grade dance and they dance to stairway to heaven, i have issues with this. kat: this would have helped me in high school. but it's wrong.

and i'm glad. dancing alone isn't really bad. if you are dancing with someone your arms are totally out of play. but when you are alone you can get them involved to do all this stuff. all these kids out there, if you are spinning your teeth, your arm dancing days will be awesome. but don't wear light up flip-flops under your dress. if you do, you will have to run to the bathroom to cry and a lot of people will notice. i have done my fair share. you get good at it after a while. greg: pete, you have children. how do you feel? pete: five boys and two girls. i would say first of all, i agree with tyrus. dancing as a young boy was the most mortifying experience more

than anything else. forget about sports or the championship games. the idea of approaching a girl on the dance floor seemed impossible. it seemed like a rubicon you could not cross. someone named andrea. that could be a name or a made-up name. the clouds part and the sunshines, then you are the man. if she has to say yes to everybody. what does it matter to me. but at the same time i would always want my children to be able to say no. get out of here you creeps.

because the creeps need to know they are creeps. jamie: in this case know means yes. it's not like they are putting on and the kids are twerking on each other. it's under supervision. they are not grinding on each other on the dance floor. if you dance with a pony. greg: my favorite story is up next. don't go for all out confidence... ...depend® silhouette™ briefs feature maximum absorbency, beautiful colors and an improved fit for a sleek design and personal style. life's better when you're in it. be there with depend®. a new kind of investor with an app that's changing the way we do money. download robinhood now.

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[♪] greg: it's really quite lame to leave your bed for a game. it's too much effort to walk over to the desk to play video games. a video company in japan created a bed with a video screen. the on thing the bed doesn't come with is a toilet. by for me is just fine. video games don't interest me unless someone came up with games i enjoy. like get another tattoo with pete hegseth.

lose jasper. i believe -- it believe the goal is to lose jasper. and finally, escape from lou dobbs' hot tub. the twist is, you don't want to escape. you find that out in the end. figuratively that is. kat, you run screaming out when you see the gaping bed? kat: i would be stunned for a while and maybe throw up. but this wouldn't happen because no one with that bed would be talking to a girl. this bed might as well be a coffin because these people are living so little they are basically already dead. if you need this bed because you feel you are wasting too much time walking to another room to

play video games. you are not alive. you could die and literally be in hell and you wouldn't even notice. but not to be mean. greg: tyrus? you watch netflix in bed, why not this? tyrus: this an audition for my 600-pound life. once you get on that bed. you lay in bed and eat. literally you can email your catfish friend in vietnam and play your game, and there are two screens so you don't feel as lonely because no one is is next to you. when i think about it, this is less traffic for me at the park, less people i have to deal with at the zoo. if you want to lay in bed and play a video game and think you

are in the real world. what you can do to stay more in bed. why get up to the refrigerator when you can lay there and scream, mom. people work hard to be active and healthy. this promotes expanding on the bed and lying there. greg: somebody sits in their bed, this is a way to destress. it keeps you from doing other things. >> they only made a single bed, they didn't make a king or queen. anybody who is going to buy that there is no shot of the getting a woman in that bed. there is no reason to make a big bed. pete: i'm with you. i think he teenager ever has had some variation of the game bed. i put the big box bed on on my min 10 dough.

if the cord would reach far enough i could lay back. tyrus: but you had to be clever and build ports. and you used to go outside and play. she didn't say let's make it all inclusive so i never have to see you again. greg: that went into a dark area. tyrus: i had to borrow chairs. gym they have a screen right above the bid. it sounds like a studio apartment in new york city. everything is right there. if it's adjustable, imagine. greg: i don't know what i'm imagining. maybe i should leave it in the dark part of my brainy where it will die. back with more show after this.

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greg: finally tonight we dig deeper into the ongoing series, by the end we may all agree th that. >> animals are jerks, animals are jerks. >> animals are jerks, animals are jerks. [applause] greg: thank you to our studio audience. thank you america.

[cheering]♪ ♪ ♪ >> jesse: welcome to "watters' world" i'm jesse watters. the democrats divided, that's the subject of it tonight's watters words. democrats made a decision on super tuesday. they chose a confused man over a communist. >> my name is joe biden i'm a democratic candidate for the united states senate. we hold these truths to be self-evident. all men and women created -- go, you know the thing. look tomorrow is super thursday -- tuesday. by the way this is my little sister israeli and i' m jill's husband. oh, no. you switched on me. this is my wife. this is my sister. they switched on me. >> thank you, thanks for your time. please com