has been served greg gutfeld is next and i will see you next saturday night. thank you for joining us.

don't worry, joe, harris got the nod, but not from joe. he was in a room. but not the room. he was strapped in a rubber snuggy and main lining for sure. who is bigger. biden is relegated to a movie poster as robin and she is batman. does kamala help the ticket? of course she does. she is under the able of 90. and she doesn't need her food cut up.

but she like joe can talk and say nothing. this lady on msnbc nails it. a segment we like to call, i wear on a stack of bibles. >> i like to look at it through the rinse of my daughter who is 8 years old when she heard that the vice president picked kamala harris. she says she is south asian and jamaican. that's means anything is possible for a woman. this is my daughter who is 8 years old. greg: that really happened. politics is amazing, the ability to turn people into great pals after being bitter enemies. >> it was hurtful to hear you talk about the reputation of two united states senators who built their reputation and career on

the segregation of race in this country. you also worked with them to oppose busing. there was a little girl in california who was part of the second class to integrate her public schools. and she was bussed to school every day, and that little girl was me. greg: she all he says she believed the women who accused joe of other stuff. >> i'm so thrilled to become a part of your family. greg: is she now part of his extended family? i want to know. but you get it. politicians crave power and will say anything to anyone to get

it. trump winks at you when he plays their game. he doesn't pretend he's something he's not. like a moderate for maoists. >> i thought about the caricature that donald trump will try to offer, saying she is a black radical that wants to destroy the american way of life and overrun the suburb with criminals. that's hard when you see her with this winsome appearance, there she is in her blue suit and pearls and heels. greg: all one needs is pearls and sensible heels. thank god i shop only at anne klein. >> i will by executive action

reinstate daca protection to those young people. i would not make it a crime punishable by jail. it should be a civil enforcement issue, but not criminal. i believe the solution that we need to have medicare for all. greg: if that's centrist, mike pence is a furry. >> we are not going to let joe biden and kamala harris cut america's meat. maybe kamala is a moderate.

when your party condones criminality in places run by democrats. charles manson would come off with cold water. >> poor kids are just as price and talented as white kids. they are going to put you all back in chains. that terrible day in charlottesville to see those neo-nazis and chancemen, white supremacists coming out of fields, carrying lighted torches. at that point i knew i couldn't stand by and let donald trump when he said they were very fine people. greg: if joe believes systemic racism racism exists. why is he taking up systemic

space. shouldn't he admit that his place on the top of the ticket proves that systemic racism exists in the democratic party? >> after 49 years israel and the united arab emirates will formalize their diplomatic relations and begin cooperation across the board. >> a landmark deal, peace deal that brings jews and arabs together to change the middle east for the better. what was joe up to? >> he single american should be wearing a mask when they are outside for next three months at a minimum. greg: while trump ushers in a

huge peace agreement. the media is branding all thunderstorms of it racist. especially when their candidate can't stop spewing nonsense. >> we are going to get to work fixing the mess president trump and vice president pence created at home and abroad through four years of mismanagement and coddling of terrorists and thugs around the world. greg: what? trump coddle terrorists? this from a guy who didn't want to kill soleimani? maybe they are setting the table for something, and it's not just strained peas.

scott adams, she is the southern bell who can raise holy hell. dagen mcdowell. she has got real flare and shiny hair. kat timpf. my massive sidekick and host of foxnation tyrus. you made and prediction a long time ago about miss harris being the vp. >> it doesn't seem that anybody cares who the candidate is or who the vice president is. there was a pew research poll that says 56% of the people supporting biden really just care that it's not trump who wins. 13% said they like biden because of his personality and

temperament. so if you add those together. you have 69% of people who support biden who don't care about anything. they just want to beat trump. they are just signaling they are the complete non-science party because they have given up on the psychology of motivation, incentive. and they are just going with, well, instead of a constitution and a bible, let's use hate, revenge, and anger. and those will be our platforms. it doesn't matter who is running or what the policies are. we'll see if that works out. greg: dagen, what did you make of the rollout? >> i thought it was pretty good. they put an explanation point with that mask mandate. that was an idea cooked up for

gramps afraid of stepping off the porch for the last couple months. what about full body condoms. can we hand those out. what about dancing? we need to outlaw dancing in this country because they are wicking the sweat off them and it will make me, i mean elderly people sick. one thing about kamala harris, coming from the woman about the same age. being that cheery and palsy is exhausting. especially coming from somebody who was a pervert just a few days ago. she is not going to have the energy. she is not going to have the energy for a couple years to keep this up. i think any woman in her shoes is thinking he's not going to be

around for four years. maybe two, but not four. greg: katcat kat, i know you are not particularly pleased with this decision. am i right? kat: you are correct. everyone keeps pointing to the fact that she was so mean to him in a debate and selling the i was that girl t-shirts. they are thinking this is weird now that they are a team. to me it's not weird. you have the guy who wrote the 1995 crime bill and you have a woman who was a prosecutor. biden spent a big part of his career making sure people were locked in prison for drug crimes. so it makes perfect sense to me.

do i like it? no. greg: i know this such an obvious observation. how a politician can demonize somebody and embrace them later. it's all fake. it's like it's pro wrestling in pants suits. it's like they are operating -- it's a performance. i knew i should have said it. i knew of i should not have said it. >> you are okay. you are okay. he does this all the time. greg: i apologize. i already apologize. >> apology accepted. i have been angry. i talked to kat about this process. we always talk about the overt racism. the 2% of the country who wear confederate flag shirts.

we always give a pass to the polite racism. look what we do for you people, you can't do anything without us. we help you do everything. this whole process has been disrespectful to women, it has been disrespectful to people of color. if you would have told me the only reason you brought me on the grek gutfeld show because you needed a black guy, i would have quit. if it got out in the paper, you would have been fired for being a bigot. bind said we are going to have a woman. then you are going to have a woman of color. everyone knew. everyone knew kamala harris was the frontrunner. but you had to let everybody know look what we are doing. we are getting a woman, and a woman of color in the vp job. the media embraces it. look what we have done when we

helped you people. when we get called on something racist here, i helped get you in the vp, impart of the team. the mainstream media seems to think it's a compliment, but it's not. greg: i am glad you know i didn't hire you because you are black. it's because i know you can beat up all my stalkers. sunday in cape cod is all sold out. but the nixon library hosting a broadcast interview between myself and hugh hewitt wednesday. all tickets include exclusive access to the broadcast. still ahead, chaos. coast to coast.

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in chicago businesses were looted last week with what the mayor says is an organized attack. crime is the only organized thing about chicago. even the ronald mcdonald house near a children's hospital had its windows broken. the cops put up this video of looters who live streamed themselves trying to crack open an atm. they knew they wouldn't get caught our if they did, they wouldn't be punished. in portland. fort myer and in new york they are putting them up the homeless up in hotels. shootings and violent leathr death are exploding.

criminals are not being prosecuted and felons are being released to reoffend. dagen, you know what i find interesting about dems? when you talk to them about this on tv, they will say it's not that bad. this is the only time democrats don't exaggerate things. like climate change ended the world. the police are monsters. but then you show them this stuff, and they will go, it's pore rattic. -- it's spore d sp. i have to look outside the door before i go in the street. and here comes a 6'4" guy buck naked. at least he's not armed. but then as i am getting ready

to go out -- here comes another guy carrying a 2 x 4. in new york city the second amendment doesn't exist because it's basically the soviet union. i don't have any way to protect myself. i conjure up ways to protect myself. do i carry a baseball bat? a golf club? that's ages me. i am smalling back on doing some karate moves. i just have to make sure i'm bleeding, no matter what happens so the cops actually show up. greg: they may be carpenters. you may be jumping the gun here. it's kind of dangerous, tyrus. maybe i am guilty of

exaggerating this. but i feel like every day there is something new. >> no, you made some good points about global warming. but they don't have to be accountable for that. 1 years from now the world will turn into pudding. your city is burning down, it's not that bad, pay no attention to the fire behind you. here is the craziness. i feel like all i'm talking about is racism this week. but the first black woman police chief who works hard to get -- to make history, what you all wanted. what we need was change and she had to quit because you forced her out. and because you said i accept your resignation with heartfelt. what is that? it's no different.

you did the same thing that the extreme 2% of the people who say i don't like black people or whatever. those racist people do, but they can't do because they are not connected. you actually did it. your systemic racism moves people of color out of their jobs. greg: scott, is the worst yet to come? i don't see a way to tamp this down. is there another video? what happens if one of these police officers gets a not guilty? it's going to start over again. they might have overcharged them. >> i expect the george floyd thing to come back with something less than the full murder situation. there is some trouble ahead. to me the unintended consequences are the interesting part. because usually you have to use

your imagination to see what would it be like if democrats largely got what they wanted? what would that look like. you turn on the tv. and you go, ahh, that's what it looks like. if people say fire in the dumpster is no big deal. but the crime stats. when one of the looters said looting is reparations. people looked at that and said good for me. i think we are done. i think they are coming out from behind on this. that's not what anybody wanted. greg: kat? how is live in manhattan for you. is it still an interesting walk

to work? >> i can't walk to work. >> everyone is starting to move out of our apartment building and we are starting to get neighbors like a tent city. when you look at what happened in chicago with the children's hospital. the people doing the rioting have made it clear because [bleep] the system. they made that clear. what is not clear is what sick children in a hospital have to do with the system that they are upset about. i'm a libertarian. i'm not a fan of the system. my whole thing is i'm not fa a fan of the system as a libertarian. name one thing that's because of a child in the hospital or their family. we are just allowing it to happen for political points. people tell me all the time. when i hear someone say manhattan is not that bad. i am look out my window.

even though i wear glasses, i have 20-0 vision. 20- -- 20-20 vision. i think you are wrong. p rins. you're prepared for this. and so are we. soon you'll get back to skipping the counter without missing a beat. back to choosing any car in the aisle. back to being the boss of you. go national. go like a pro. -my grandma. -my cousin. my great-great grandmother. she was all of 4'11" but very tenacious. a very independent woman. driven, passionate. embodied grit, perseverance. she marched.

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and using her experience saved this man's life. so why do i think there should be more people like carmen bravo in this world? because that man... was me. [♪] ashley: live from america's newsroom i'm ashley strohmier. president trump's brother robert

died friday evening. sources say he was very ill. he previously spent a week in the icu back in june. he was 71. house speaker nancy pelosi may cut short the august recess to address the coronavirus crisis. the house is adjourned until december 19. they could vote on a bill to prevent any organizational changes in the post office. i'm ashley strohmier. now back to "the greg gutfeld show."

dwreg * is business humming because business is coming? if you are psychic, why didn't you give us a heads up. in toyland fisher-price announced a new play seth so kids can act like their parents during the lockdown. that's hardly complete so i made my own toy. it's called studio apartment misery. it comes with a bottle of cheap vodka, a pillow to scream into. and divorce papers. duke university tested different

masks. bandana and neck gators stink while sun cal cotton and n95 masks performed well. look at this one. that one did very well. and this one. this is from my personal collection. this one kept me from getting the coronavirus. but it got me arrested in phoenix. i guess it's not appropriate attire for midnight mass. i want to comment about -- there are people suffering from the living situation of covid, not covid itself. but the living situation. most of them are living in apartments. new yorkers and other city dwellers would brag, we are not like in alabama where we need a backyard, because my backyard is central park. now it's not the case anymore.

it's the apartment living that's driving everybody insane. because you are not alone. you are with a baby or two children. >> i have an empty room, thank god. but yes, i am back in therapy. from my new york apartment. it's -- the kids toys things make no sense. they will be the on ones having fun in any of this. there is truly nothing to do. we should keep them away from -- from pretending to be as misable as their parents. when we got a new refrigerator and my parents let me have the box. i took it out in the yard. it was the best day ever. you are a kid, everything is interesting.

the world is just like that. greg: the box that you got as a kid was larger than the apartment you have in new york. in a way, you are a psychic. do you care to make any now about the pandemic? >> anybody who says anything about the pandemic has been wrong. so when i look at the psychics and compare their track record to the world health organization i think we should give the psychics a chance. on this toy stuff, i don't believe in giving little kids expensive toys. i would go rather than the work at home group. i would goat antifa kit. here is a piece of plywood, here is a shield.

here is a brick. you can play all day with a brick. if you have got a friend, the friend might not like it. my prediction is anybody who is predicting will be wrong. greg: tyrus would you like to hear the gutfeld theory of oral concealment? >> one second, i have got to clean up for it. i am good. >> i believe there is a secondary pleasure derived from mask wearing. we created concealment for the body which creates a sense of intimacy when the mask comes off. it's like an adult film when the librarian removes the glasses or the lab assistant lets her hair down. so removing the mask will resolve over time. for the rest of young people's lives, the mask will be like

loosening a bra. is that crazy? am i nuts? is there something wrong with me, tyrus. i am just a little cleaner. the answer to your question, greg, is sure. you are [bleep] there is nothing sexy about the mask. i even tried to be creatively sexy with the mask. i put the mask on and jumped out. she said take the damn mask out and do the dishes. no one is looking at the mask. it would be difficult hearing someone with difficulty breathing through that. questioning * dagen, any thoughts on the pandemic mask?

anything you want. >> i am thinking how much thought you put into that. the toy set. way to give your kids carpel tunnel -- carpal tunnel and the dow ander's hump.

greg: nasa announced lans to stop referring to outer space knick names.

erase systemic racism and inequality in science. we'll give you 5 seconds to vomit. nasa says they will work with diversity experts on nicknames. but it got us thinking. what other titles are in need of cancellation. what about the big bang? dwarf planet? how do you think that makes me feel. and solar system? replace it with social justice system. black hole? what a way to racially profile gravity. he got it in his whiskers.

tyrus. nasa -- >> is it racist? oh, yeah. this whole show this week is two words. creep and racism. i looked up nebula. it is an n word but it's not the one we don't want. it means a cloud or gas in space. so i can see how that's offensive. galaxy is a gathering of stars held together by gravity. as far as eskimo, if you are going to take away eskimo nebula. i have a nebula behind me. we have to get rid of eskimo pie. and eskimo kiss, the cute nose rub? got to go. so let's just -- that's the best

i can do, greg. i have got to do something with this ridiculousness. greg: dagen, did you have nicknames while you were growing up? >> yes, but i can't use them on television. but i'm just made up a list of general words here on planet we should try to get rid of. feminist. fungible. clammy, and moist. those are my top ones. greg: do you remember the guy who landed a spacecraft on a comet? it was a big deal but the media focused on the shirt he was wearing. science took a back seat to woke

hysteria. >> i don't remember that story, but i'm totally on board with nasa getting rid of these offensive names. i have a few myself. why do we call it the sun. it couldn't be the daughter. it's always the sun. how about asteroids? i prove hemorrhoids. it's just more polite. milky way. it sounds pretty white to me. i would like to see the chocolate milky way or the neapolitan way. and why is it black people get the hole? seriously. >> who thought that through? greg: nobody. you get those, and i'm good after that. greg: kat, what are your

thoughts on this? >> i think thinking about outer space is so thought provoke and crazy to think we are just one planet and ways all that other stuff out there. so imagine what you think about is -- the what when we call it offensive. that's the sign of a simple, sad brain. i would say i'm not a fan. >> there is no final frontier of wokism. my least favorite story up next. hey, can i... hold on one second... sure. okay... okay! safe drivers save 40%!!! guys! guys! check it out. safe drivers save 40%!!! safe drivers save 40%! safe drivers save 40%!!! that's safe drivers save 40%. it is, that's safe drivers save 40%. - he's right there. - it's him! he's here. he's right here. - hi! - hi.

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greg: should you pay more if you are 54. a consumer advocacy group looks into how tinder adjusts prices according to their able, and location. but straight guys got hit up for almost $100,000 a month. i am kidding. it's $35 a month. but it's almost as bad as this

wedgy. america's future right there. all right, scott, you are over 50. and you just got married to a young, beautiful woman. do you think this is fair? >> as you said, i don't need the service. but i did a spreadsheet to see what i would have to pay. i put in short, bald trump supporter who still thinks puns are hilarious. my monthly tinder fee would be over $7 million. so it's not really the service for me. greg: i'm going to say this makes sense. in the realm of evolution and

natural selection. men are biologically a time a dozen. women have a higher status the younger they are. >> i threw a funeral for my 30th birthday for a reason. exactly. this is awesome and i would say justice. men don't age. they do sort of. but it's too stages. first they are young. then there is distinguished. women age in two phases first. but the first one is i have to constantly worry that someone wants to hook up with me. and i have to worry that no one will want to touch me again. it's true. have any of you straight middle aged guys the past few years done comments on instagram about

scrambling eggs? if you are 90, you can get a 19-year-old woman pregnant and the only way you will get hit for it, you have got to pay up or zip it up. when i say it, i am not talking about your mouth. greg: if you don't pay for the app, you probably won't pay for the appetizer at dinner. i'm into puns, too. >> all of you have what these guys who go on tinder to pick up women don't have. that's a sense of humor. it's the easiest thing in the world for a middle aged guy to get a girl. maybe if you took off that nickel back t-shirt and took the flip-flops off, you could get a

gal without going online. greg: tyrus, you get the last word. >> first of all, it's 100% the right thing to do. what is the sexiest thing about old men? their wallets. their green backs. a 90-year-old man can make a baby with a 19-year-old. he's got rolexes and he gives her an atm card and says have fun, he can do whatever he wants. it's not how old you get, it's how old your money is. guys, you are looking at this the wrong way. if i hit 50 and i don't have anybody, i made it. i'm smart. i will focus on my career. i will work on that car in my garage. i will get things done.

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greg: we are out of time. thanks to scott adams, dagen mcdowell, and tyrus. i love you, america. [♪] jesse: welcome to "watters' world." big show tonight, sean hannity, sarah palin, and joe biden's grades from college. joe biden didn't pick kamala harris as vp. that pick was made for him. when the #metoo movement hit he buckled and said he would take a woman. when the racial unrest went down, he said he would pick a black