tv Gutfeld FOX News May 19, 2021 8:00pm-9:01pm PDT
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position at the university of north carolina at chapel hill. well, until conservative groups grip to the school for hiring her in the first place and today the school of positivist board of trustees backed down and declined to offer her tenure, so if you feel like you don't have any power to change the left of positivist cultural takeover, take this as a lesson, you can and you will. "gutfeld!" next. >> president biden: i can only assume that you will enjoy educating your family about how the coast guard is "the hard nucleus around the navy forms in times of war." you are a really dull class. [laughter] i mean, come on, man, is the son getting to you? i would think you have an opportunity when i say that about the navy class. >> greg: talk about the pot calling the kettle sleepy. [applause] ♪ ♪
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[cheers and applause] >> greg: all right! if you enter the phrase "blue lives matter" into google, you'll find a long list of articles explaining how racist it is. i never knew that. what i do know if that 48 officers were shot and killed in 2020 and they do matter. to me and probably to you. obviously to you. 15 were also struck dead by cars on the side of the road, likely assisting someone who needed help. did you know 2020 was one of the deadliest years for cops ever? 264 deaths from numerous causes. the highest killer? covid, obviously, but you don't hear about this much. and they also wonder how men and minority cops died last year, but i probably shouldn't bring that up either since caring about their lives, that could be bigoted too. so where does this delusional
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nationwide smear of a selfless occupation lead us? to sheer stupidity. in a few days, there's going to be a gay pride parade in nyc and you know who may be banned? the cops. according to abc news, the event organizers about to announced police will be banned from all pride events all the way up through 2025. seems kind of harsh, 2025, the biden era. my question: how will anyone upright know who the real cops are? trust me -- trust me, i've been tricked a few times. [laughter] wants by this guy. [laughter] the organizer also wants to reduce police security and first responder presence. because in large gatherings of hundreds of thousands of people, you definitely don't need those guys. all of thi this of course is to please the woke, a funny term since it only applies to people who live in a dream world.
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says andra thomas, who is t cochair, "we know many lgbt cops, but what the institution represents sometimes to a person of color or trans person is violence and that doesn't make you feel safe," so they'd rather feel safe and be safe. so how can you organize a huge public event and unilaterally decide that cops can't be near it? can i do that? if so, i would like to formally announce that national greg gutfeld day happens this saturday -- thank you. [cheers and applause] it happens this saturday from 10:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m., i will be parading down fifth avenue on a homemade float based on the golden girls. i'll be dressed as rose, for height reasons. [laughter] i can still fit into her housecoat. feel free to park on the sidewalk and throw glitter bombs at pedestrians. i will get dana perino to hand out jell-o shots and jesse watters with a couple of
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super soakers will fire tequila into the faces of babies. [laughter] a dwarf toss which will in fact be me. but don't worry about getting a traffic ticket because i demand little or no police presence. see, can just anybody plan public events and then tell the cops to get lost? it's a weird time, i have to say, to ban the police. crime in this city is exploding like pelosi 'has had listening to a trump speech. [laughter] a 36% increase in murder over last year. shootings are up 77% and mayoral stupidity is up a whopping 4300%. look at this. look at him! [applause] i still can't get over this cretin. while people are getting stabbed on the subway, lerch went on a spending spree at the nba store.
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the guy has the charm of malaria. every day in new york and elderly tourist or citizen is attacked. an 80-year-old black veteran just got shot in the bronx yesterday. the guy fought in a war without getting wounded, but not the streets -- couldn't last the streets of new york. you're not supposed to be awarded a purple heart because you were wounded in action in front of the t.j.maxx. [laughter] and remember, the people who show up first to assist on the cops on the first responders. but by all means, reduce police presence, especially if hate crimes based on sexual orientation make up the second largest share of hate crimes in 2019, trailing attacks on jews, who have no parade, something about it being too drafty outside. [laughter] but you know who nabs the suspects? not the cast from queer eye. it's the cops that are the problem. that's like blaming fires on the fire department.
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they are often spotted near burning buildings, so there has to be a connection. [laughter] so again, what we are seeing our people cowering over overzealous activists. the officer's action league, sounds like a marble movie, calling it a shameful attempt to placate some of the activists in our community, and their rights buried in the 1970s, the early days of pride, police officers sued the city of new york so they could participate in the parade. now they are being banned by callow stores with no actual grip on inclusion that's what his current moral panic is about. it's about replacing actual accomplishment's with. it reflects a sad trend. the refusal to take a stand against a handful of extremists who act like a pack of hyenas spotting the wounded lion. it's happening not just in parades, but in businesses and classrooms. i wonder what our angry white male has to say. ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> greg: how can you clap for that recessed? you know, i've never seen a parade for the police. no wait, i have. they are called funerals for their fallen comrades that didn't freeze when duty called. today when the dash they freeze. they should fight back. they won't. they won't share the risk. that's not a parade, it's a retreat and it's not one to be proud of either. [cheers and applause] let's welcome tonight's guests! she is the first lawyer i call when i'm facing murder charges again.
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"outnumbered" cohost emily catania! if you were any more of a hero he would come covered in lettuce and mayo. that's my dream. fox news contributor joey jones! put on some bug repellent, she's about to drain the swamp, american conservative union foundation senior fellow and former white house director of communications, mercedes schlapp! [applause] and she laughed at the end of "titanic." fox news contributor! [cheers and applause] emily, it's well-known that you hate the police but love a parade. [laughter] so this is right up your alley, you sick person. >> your intro remind me that glitter bombs, one of the best stories i heard was for my girlfriend who got cheated on, snuck into her ex's house and dumped glitter everywhere. >> greg: it's like dating a stripper. >> exactly. >> greg: you get all of your
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clothes. >> it's better to sell fish on the bottom of the curtains. >> i froze a fish, duct taped it under the seat of the driver's seat of the car someone if defrosted, that's when it would stink. even better. >> so as you pointed out, look, nypd officers had to sue to be allowed to march in a parade in uniform and i just can't imagine what it feels like to be excluded from an entire community that not only you've sworn to protect but also that you thought was your home and i feel like we are seeing that all across the country with the defunding happening and calls to get out of the community, you're not welcome here, but they are a part of the community, that's the point, that police are part of the community and i think interestingly, to backdrop the phrase mission is in part to celebrate the unique attributes that make up every single each person, and what are they doing right now? they are excluding and being so divisive, it just -- you know, i think it's one more example of
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the vocal minority that says that they speak for the majority but most often they are dead wrong and i just wonder how many new york lgbtq members think this man is as shameful as we do. >> the parade started because of, you know, the riot that was violent -- excuse me, the police raid that was violent that's normal. a lot of people know that. what a lot of people don't know is one of the main organizers of the parade then went on to become a gay cop because he wanted to help kind of change things from the inside. he reached the rank of lieutenant, so i feel as though if you're -- you know, your parade, the person who started it wouldn't be welcome at it, you probably kind of lost sight about what it was supposed to be about and also i'm failing to understand. i guess what they are saying if they are concerned about -- they will get in trouble for something and have a confrontation with a police officer that will go badly but as someone who has been to the new york pride parade a few times, what do you think you would get in trouble for? it seems like pretty much
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anything is allowed. >> greg: that is a fair point, fair point. you managed to embarrass yourself. >> it's are to do but i am a champion. >> greg: yes, that's true. mercedes, the problem i have here is we are now entering a phase where sympathizing with the police or defending the police is now seen as racist. it's like somehow an example of white supremacy, so it actually scares people from coming out and saying nice things about the police. >> writes, and i think you're seeing so many of his police officers, many who are minority, we have obviously those from the lgbtq community also who are heroes and what subset is when i've met with several of these police officers, you know, they almost break down in tears because they are like we are being demonized, my kids don't want to go into law enforcement and they are there doing their job. i've got to tell you, i think that they should show up just in suit and tie, nobody knows, undercover and that could be a way to do it. >> greg: that will not look good in a parade.
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>> they can get away with it. >> greg: it will stand out. >> dress up like firefighters. i don't know. >> greg: there's arty guys dressed up like firefighters. >> could wear maybe a tie and that's it. >> greg: it's got to be a chippendale style. >> a sparkling type. but the progressives are all about inclusion, that they are the most -- the group that excludes people to most. they are the most intolerant people in the mere fact is that we have to keep defending the cops and keep pushing for making sure that americans realize that they are heroes, that they are there to keep our communities safe, including lgbtq community. >> greg: yet. joey, this feels in a way like high school. like you're not included in our games, right? doesn't it feel that we kind of? >> you know, it's all [bleep], right? [applause] i'm not gay. >> greg: okay. >> but i was in the
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marine corps. i don't know the sexual orientation of most of the straight men i served with just based on their actions alone. we had a great time and this is what i will tell you read your sexual orientation doesn't make you honorable and it doesn't give you an identity. it doesn't give you anything, it's just who you are. >> greg: right. >> so my point here is if you want to have a gay pride parade, bring in the people within your community that are honorable and serve your community and our ambassadors for our guests with the pride parade is about, but you know really what confuses me about this is go back to where all this began. back when, i don't know, we were riding and people were burning down buildings. the cities that stop that from starting were the ones where the black cop went out and spoke to people, the ones where the march, what could have been a riot, became a protest because the police department was with them. >> greg: right. >> and held the and listened to them and took the insults and
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then made friends out of it and we've gone from their two you can't even be here in uniform because we hate you because we ain't you and you know, where are we with this? >> greg: yeah. >> it's because there's no principle behind her, there's no value behind it, there's no truth behind it. it's us against them, it's team politics and it's the worst of who we can be and it sure isn't the place i thought for. >> greg: very good point, i think your arms could get its own float. at the pride parade. >> you were so complement three of them last time, i thought i would bring them back. [laughter] >> greg: i want a short person parade. why can't i have a short person parade? i could be the grand marshal. >> greg, you can get whatever you want. >> greg: i can't go to other parades because i can't see over the backs of people, so i want to parade where i can actually see what's going on. >> greg gutfeld day is only 10-3 and she said why is it so short, it's a 24-hour day, man. >> greg: that's the busiest
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time. all right, joey, enough out of you. all right, we take a peek at who's getting canceled this week. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ comfort in the extreme. ♪♪ the lincoln family of luxury suvs. there's not enough hours to be all that i am. not enough hours to make this overworked mom, feel like superwoman. not enough hours to let this dream that used to breathe within me, find new life. just enough time to listen to that inner voice and believe... maybe, there's more time on the other side of trying. maybe. there's not enough time. until there is. take classes any time of the day or night,
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>> canceling tornado! >> greg: that looked so real, i got scared. they pulled all her pots for taking cheap shots. chrissy taken, the super stupid supermodel famous for marrying john legend, also known for being a complete jerk face on twitter but now the one who loved to cancel anyone for lapses experience her own turn in the barrel after decade-old tweets resurfaced of her bullying reality star courtney starting. she had encouraged her to kill herself. she wasn't the only person teigen targeted, she was a true anomaly, -- she loved to bully
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and it showed, now her reign of mean girl terror is over. major retailers like bloomingdale's are pulling cookware lines from themselves. luckily she won't need them since her goose is already cooked. meanwhile, joe grogan says cancel culture will only escalate until straight white band are silenced. >> you can never be woke enough, that's the problem. it keeps going. it keeps going further and further and further down the line and if you get to the point where you capitulate, where you agree to all these demands, it will eventually get to straight white men are not allowed to talk. >> greg: also be the days. a lot of dumb people like cnn's don lemon were quick to point out that he has an audience of millions and no one is trying to silence him. he wasn't talk about himself. in concept don lemon doesn't seem to understand. speaking of, here is don giving his take on cancel culture.
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>> if you believe that america is for everyone, then you certainly believe that america is about redemption. america is about redemption and it's not just about canceling people. >> greg: okay, don. don now, meet don then. >> i have many people who i love in my life and i come from a red state. i lived in several red states. there are a lot of friends who i had to really get rid of because they are so nonsensical when it comes to this issue, they have every single talking point the here and state tv and that they hear from this president, they repeat it and they are blinded by it. >> i had to get rid of them because they are too far gone. >> greg: oh, my god, that's pitiful. by the way, didn't you say you were leaving a few days ago? that's the only cn and exclusive america wishes were true. i forgive you, don. i forgive you for every awful stupid thing you've said read about fox too. i'll forgive you for that too.
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all right, joey, your pick, chrissy or joe? >> i like them both, we talk about? >> greg: to a .1, .2. >> chrissy teigen announced she was leaving on march 4th and she was back i believe april 16th. i think she made 20 days without tweeting, all right? lent his 40 days. americans every single year go twice as long -- they give up bread for 40 days and she couldn't go 20 days without tweeting and when she finally came back she is just stepping off in it and this is why, she has social media personality disorder, right? she's addicted to this attention and if you live in that world long enough, your own ir will be directed right back at you because we are human beings and we do stupid things. on the point of joe grogan and don lemon, the problems that don lemon has with joe grogan is that joe grogan has something don will never have. don lives in a world where you claim superiorly by having this
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wisdom and intelligence and everyone knows it's not true. in this world that we live in, we go on tv, we sing a mom and dad, this is how you can understand all the bull they are telling you. but cnn is not like that. that's why five people watch it. joe grogan is a celebrity because he manipulate people into sticking their hands into boxes of scorpions, or eating insects and then he maneuvers that into making fun of his friends while they beat up each other and now talks about random things. he's just an interesting human being and that kills him. >> greg: massively successful. mercedes, teigen or joe, or do you want to mush it into a teigen-joe sandwich? >> that could be pretty gross. but you might have to use teigen's cookware for that. let me tell you, i think she has martha stewart syndrome. >> greg: really? >> she wants to be martha stewart but she goes topless when she's cooking.
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i don't think we want to see martha topless. definitely not. >> greg: you can't cook topless, especially bacon, as i've learned. >> just be careful with the oil when it's really hot. you know, i think when you look at joe, don is just jealous. he's so jealous of joe. he can't stand this moralizing speeches that don lemon gives every night. it's really good to put in on if you want [indiscernible] but really joe grogan has been a sensation. it's been a social media sensation, he's been able to attract over 11 million people per episode and you know what? this country is about freedom of speech, we are going to stand for it, we are going to make sure that every american can speak freely and not be silenced by the left. >> greg: i would love to silence cats. well said. cat, do by the white -- would you say this is white man whining or --
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>> no, look. joe rogan has gone a bit far sing that white guys are not going to be allowed outside soon, especially just -- they won't do it. they won't do it. there's a lot of frat guys that have been locked inside, they are not going to miss another summer of day drinking bud lights on rooftops. i've seen them out and they are excited to be back. >> greg: yes. >> something else he said elsewhere that was really, really, really important was we should be nice to each other. there's people whose entire identity is looking for things that other people have done wrong and trying to cancel them. i don't think chrissy teigen's only mean because she told someone who was 16 to kill themselves. yeah, that's really mean. it's pretty mean to make your entire purpose for being alive trying to destroy someone else's life and livelihood. that's not nice and just because you are doing it in the name of wokeness, it doesn't make you nice, you're still a jerk. >> greg: i realize that chrissy teigen was your hero. >> that is not true.
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you have a life size cut out office. >> greg: i've been watching a lot of "outnumbered" and kind of adopting some of her traits. are you trying to take the spot she's vacating? >> not true! i just feel like for this, this is no surprise for us. we saw through how shallow and how performative all of that activism is from the left anyway. of course she would turn out to be the ugliest monster there was. her facade was that she was the most beloved perfect human. for her to tirade and for her to believe that 16-year-old, that is beyond disgusting and yet she's lavishly been throwing those arrows all time and on the joe rogan, don lemon, don limited point it out massive platform that joe rogan has and that's absolutely right as we been seeing here compared with don limits pitiful viewership, he also ignored the context of the podcast which is joe rogan was talking about the arena of comedy specifically, but you know, he said it best, which is that you can never be too woke that's the problem. >> another recent quick that chrissy teigen is the worst, she
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is super, super rich she pretends to be relatable. i hate too much bread. come to your house and give you a cleanse on demand because you can afford that. we are not the same. >> greg: the worst thing about it is that she is -- why is somebody who was supposed to be so successful punching down? i do that. that's my gag, but also, the too much information stuff, that's a whole other side where she's talking about -- >> it's a social media personality disorder, its addiction to attention. >> greg: i like that they are playing music. are you going to play through the whole show? when we return, the ads that spoke out against corporate wokeness.
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[ crowd cheering ] [ engine revving ] [ race light countdown ] ♪♪ ♪♪ when you save money with allstate you feel like you're winning. safe drivers save 40% saving is easy when you're in good hands. allstate. click or call for a quote today. ♪ ♪ >> greg: they are calling out the woke and that includes coke. conservative noncovered group called consumer research has launched an ad campaign targeting corporations over woke political narratives. that includes american airlines,
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nike, as well as coke. that's the soda, kat, so relax. it will be there when you get home. [laughter] in the mailbox, little envelope. it's the three megacorporations within customer service means lecturing the little guy. >> american airlines, rated the worst, losing the most bags, shrinking legroom during covid. american requires passengers to show idea to fly but a tax texas 'has popular voter i.d. laws. why is ceo doug parker trying to a please the radical left? coca-cola's getting political, attacking georgia's popular voting law. why? to distract from years of dismal sales, terrible 2020 results, reports suspecting may benefited from forced labor in china. nike is political. why? cover. congressional reports suspects nike was forced labor in china. >> greg: fox business network, known to fbn as tv insiders like
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me -- you guys have to keep calling it fox business network but i can say fbn. they reached out to all three companies for response. nike and american did an immediate get back to us, they were too big with your -- busy with their bring your nonfine barry person to work day. but coke telling fbn in a statement, we respect everyone's right to raise their concerns and express their views but we also believe the best way to make progress now is for all of us to come together, listen respectfully share concerns and collaborate on a path forward. we remain open to productive conversations with groups who have made varied views. yeah right. does that include the pepsi challenge? what a load of backwash, right? i hate backwash. it lets in with our coca-cola correspondent, little jerry who has just polished off a 2-liter bottle. ♪ ♪ [laughter]
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>> greg: so that's where little jerry went. i was worried for a while, almost went to the doctor. hey, mercedes -- those are some pretty professional commercials. is this -- i mean like what's the best -- i love this fact. i love that psalmody is being aggressive, but what's the end game -- like who is this helping? it helps me, it helps us, but is this a selfless thing? >> no. it's not a selfless thing. i think it's really important to understand that companies hate bad publicity. they get nervous, they start freaking out so when conservatives are finally standing up and saying "look, we are half of this country. employees and your companies are conservatives and they are scared to speak up, we are going to be effective." we have to take the same tactics that the left are doing pressuring these companies are doing the same things on the right. that's what we're doing an american conservative union's. we started a center. we've been reaching out to delta air lines, we've reached out to major league baseball, two ncaa, we've gotten responses back.
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they are getting nervous. and i will tell you something, if you're a stakeholder in any of these companies, go to those meetings, speak up, because the left is shoving it down their throats of what their agenda should be. >> greg: i will be a stakeholder tonight, that's for sure. emily, i noticed that you do a lot of virtual signaling to hide your repulsive behavior. >> i do not. >> greg: your chocolate your charity work because we know what you're really doing. do you think these are all diversionary tactics. it like corporations get activists off their back about their bottom line or their shady deals, so they can get them preoccupied so there's no more occupy wall street, there's just wokism. >> that goes into mercedes point. the answer that fbn got from -- fox business network that came back from coke, they only want to have a shared conversation. just a couple month ago there was a bill introduced in congress that would have banned imported goods that had used forced labor from china.
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nike and coke lobbied against it. that's the kind of thing they are doing behind the scenes but the point is that their marketing, their communications department releases a perfect virtual signaling statement, this is -- we checked these boxes and this is how we get online so that when that's out there, then the left masses can eat it all up and have full bellies not realizing that on the other side of these companies are huge serpent tales that come into your point, are absolutely destroying not only conservative thought, diversity of thought, but also truly american ideals because certainly last time i checked i think forced labor and slavery in concentration camps of uighurs in china probably outranks somebody feeling left out of the group. >> greg: a brave stance from a lawyer over here. joey, what you make -- is this a protection racket? >> american airlines is the godfather of shrinking legroom let me tell you. [applause] i didn't hear a word they've said, i've had that in my mind for the last 10 minutes.
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but these things -- i can pop these off, go in the overhead, you bring that seat as close as you want. i was going to wear a shirt on it that said "atl versus all of y'all" because they moved the games. and what that's done is it's allowed braves fans to say to hell with politics, let's coalesce together and were member that we are braves fans. we can have an identity outside of politics and maybe what culture is more harmful than helpful to us and so there's actual cohesion coming from that. >> greg: why do you hate native americans? [laughter] >> don't take the bait! don't take the bait! >> greg: take the hybrid. >> i got this. i am 568 thousandths more cherokee than elizabeth warren. [applause] >> greg: there you go. >> it was blue so i didn't wear it but the point there is simply the pendulum is going to swing the other way and is companies are bigger than a board member. the people that work at delta, the people that work at
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coca-cola, those are tried and true americans and they don't deserve to be involved in this. and their bosses need to figure that stuff out. >> greg: you know what that's like? that is such a good point. kat, have you ever been at a restaurant with somebody who starts talking to somebody else at another table and is really embarrassing and you're like just me out of this? that's what woke people in companies are. i don't want to go in with their stupid little games, leave me out of this! >> i'm in a situation where i feel like i'm always out of it because, you know, i'm a libertarian so if i only -- i wouldn't be able to buy anything but drugs, sex and copies of the fountainhead. you need more than that to live. >> greg: what else do you need? hemp? hemp bathrobe. >> guns? >> greg: gonzalez also. guns, drugs and sex, that's all you need apparently. that would be my nation. [applause]
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>> greg: up next, the pentagon engrossed in social media posts. they grow from our imagination, but they can't be held back. they want to be set free. to make the world more responsible, and even more incredible. ideas start the future, just like that. you need an ecolab scientific clean here. and you need it here. and here. and here. which is why the scientific expertise that helps operating rooms stay clean is now helping the places you go every day too. seek a commitment to clean.
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starting at $99 per month. ♪♪ ♪ ♪ >> greg: they are planning to scour your accounts for white power. according to the intercept, internal defense departments documents show the pentagon is planning to screen service number social media counts in search of extremist material, the kind of screening that goes further into your business than a prostate exam. the military hasn't tried this before due to concerns about the first amendment, but this pilot program report of the plans to use a private firm in order to get around those pesky constitutional rights. you know, those things that make soldiers swear to protect your country. by the way, private firm was my nickname when i danced on that uso tour. in a statement to the intercept after the report was reported, we anticipate any social meet his grinning would be only an additional means of betting cleared individuals or those seeking to obtain a security clearance, not as a tool for ongoing surveillance of all men
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and women in uniform. that is my impression of emily. [laughter] thank you. i should just stop there. emily, is this legal? >> it is that they are using that security farm but then it just begs the question of than how much of our tax dollars are being spent on that and by the way, you guys, the surveillance, it's a key word. it's like a big control f and they haven't released what that list would be so i'm sure it's totally overinclusive. >> greg: what does it stand for in your control f? >> find. >> greg: oh. >> is that true? >> yeah! >> i had no idea. >> saves sometime! >> what does alt stand for? >> alternative. ulterior? whatever. anyways, so this undercover fbi agent who specialized in extremism, he said this is going to nothing but uncover a flood of false positives, undermine
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morale, waste security resources and no one is going to identify the real problems. >> greg: that is so true. you know, kat, young people are often in the military, correct? young people often post silly things. this is going to make life hard for young people like yourself. >> i'm young! yeah, i saw the same thing about it's going to be a waste of time and waste resources. also just as a general rule, i am consistently more concerned about threats to our liberty coming from the government and threats to our rights than i am, you know, domestic terrorism, and it is a bigger threat if you look at the numbers. what the government could do to our rights. >> greg: this is the thing, mercedes, that is driving me nuts. the media in conjunction with the current administration once everybody to think that there's this great invisible white supremacist movement that's incredibly cohesive and just out there and get the accusations of racism are about hand gestures
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are in jeopardy. [laughter] i don't know, i mean it's like put up or shut up. >> they are watching everything, greg, everything you're doing! >> greg: i close the blinds, mercedes. >> tmi. >> greg: they don't need to see it. trust me. >> this is what's very disturbing. what is the pentagon there to do? it's really to protect american lives from the threats are broad and you are talking about domestic terrorism as well, but let's be real, shouldn't we worry about the ayatollah? shouldn't we be worried about hamas terrorist organizations that the democrats are befriending as well as blm? those of the real threats. if we think that our military, our men and women who serve this country, keep us free, their social media is a threat, that's outrageous. we are seeing this with the wokism in the cia. now we are seeing this also in the panic on. >> greg: you know, joey, hero to hero, i don't sense that this
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is going to be a fair and balanced approach. i think if you praise cops, that will be a red flag but if you praise blm, it won't. >> back in my day when i was in the marine corps, while they looked at my myspace for was to see if i was underage drinking or if i was hitting on the colonel's wife. so that's what it was. [laughter] wasn't good at being a bomb tech but i was a good marine. here's the problem, we always use this term "the old core," the older generation tells the newer generation -- like you are softer because you have these creature comforts like running water or socks and i'll tell you, i would hate to be in this nucor under uncle sam's iron. you hate me because i chose to serve with you -- like it's just -- there's this officer from a coast guard or air force. they are the same thing, wrote a book, just trying to express his opinions and so -- i don't know, how do you fight a war like this? >> greg: we are fighting a war
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inside rather than outside. fighting ourselves. >> we are fighting a war with ourselves. >> greg: i wonder if they will be screening for portland rioters or looters from last summer. >> no. >> greg: don't hold your breath, a phrase i just coined, emily. not literally, you don't have to hold your breath. sometimes i say hold her breath and she did. it was terrible, she turned blue. will a few vodka shots because you're rain down my brain to rot? coming up. road right there. (brother) that's a cat. wait, just hold madi's headpiece. (sister) no. seriously? (brother) his name is whiskers. (bride) what happened to you? whose cat is that? (brother) it's a long story. (sister) oh my gosh. (farmer) whiskers! there you are! (avo) the subaru crosstrek. the adventurous s-u-v for adventurous people. love. it's what makes subaru, subaru. [lazer beam and sizzling sounds]
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>> greg: sometimes you read things that aren't good enough for the top of the show but after 11:45, hey, whatever. [laughter] time for our future emmy-winning segment called "two stupid stories!" and these are stupid. just a little wine caused cognitive decline? a new study from oxford, a british junior college, emily, drinking any amount of alcohol is harmful to the brain. apparently booze reduces the rain's gray matter but oddly increases one's love of soccer. researchers say the whole brain seems to be affected when drinking, not just specific areas. a firm in the u.k. has determined to recover from the cost of the pandemic lockdown, every pub will need to sell 124 pints of beer per person, or as emily calls it, tuesday.
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so emily, a someone who was obviously drunk right now, because you guys start drinking at "outnumbered" and then don't stop, do you feel like you're getting dumber? >> probably, but who knows what i can attribute that to. but i will say that i love the 124 pints per person regardless of tuesdays, because that sounds like a great block party. they should run with it. the pubs should have a huge block party, everyone should, and it sort of reminds me of at home, a pub near me where they have a big guinness wall and i'm on my way to making the thousand units -- on my way to making my name up there. >> greg: she is a big booze girl. kat. are these studies good for legalization of other drugs because it's a lot of other drugs aren't as bad as booze. >> that's absolutely true. and if people make those decisions to do the stuff anyway, because sometimes it's fun. for me, i don't if the worry about it because my brain is really big, so you know it's like i'm so smart that it's like
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hard for me to live life in the world, so it's good for me to drink. >> greg: it's a very good point. everyday i try to drink to dumb myself down, to get under the 200 iq. >> it's hard. >> greg: a bottle of wine to get to 196 for me, mercedes but i try to make it easy on everybody that i constantly try to be slightly dumber. >> you know it makes it slightly dumber? >> greg: what? >> watching a dr. fauci press conference. [cheers and applause] that makes you really dumb! >> greg: mercedes delivering the red meat. >> so you know what, i think i'm going to drink my wine before watching the dr. fauci interview. i don't know about you. >> at the pub. >> greg: with all due respect mercedes, i disagree completely. >> put your mask on! >> greg: joey, that was a
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terrible impression, i admit. >> when you talk like this, you don't impersonate people. listen, wine is like 75% of white culture. it's about always got anymore. there's not much to it and i don't drink wine, a lot of wine is drunk in my house, it keeps the peace, it's a good thing. don't go after it. if it makes you dumber, i don't know, did mushrooms make you dumber? i mean, i don't know. >> depends what kind you mean. >> but alcohol is not good for you, but it's fun, so we do it anyway. we get to take that risk, why do i need a study to convince me that two glasses of wine keeps my heart alive but two glasses of wine kills my brain? i don't need to know. we've been drinking wine sense, you know jesus was turning water into wine. >> greg: it's his fault you're saying! >> mary was the one who said hey, change it. i'm sticking with mary.
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>> it was an attack on jesus! >> greg: we are going to hear about it tomorrow. all right, don't move, we will be right back. welcome, today's discussion will be around sliced meat. moms want healthy... and affordable. land o' frost premium!!! no added hormones either. it's the only protein i've really melted with. land o' frost premium. fresh look. same great taste.
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