were terrific and that was in 2001. they are too young. but this is the way of the world. let me know how you feel about it and you can email us anytime. none of the personal nancy questions and all of that stuff. that will do it here. here comes "the five." ♪ ♪ >> jesse: hello, everybody i'm jesse watters. the day in the dell and greg gutfeld, 5:00 in new york city and this is "the five." we are keeping the celebration going. as you can see, take a look what we have going on in the studio today. later on don't miss epic of dana sports corner and carnival

games, cotton candy, prizes and a giant elephant that does tricks but maybe not a giant elephant but a lot of fun coming up later on but first, trivia showdown on "the five"'s most memorable moment so let's put our knowledge to the test. first question come everybody, are you playing at home? >> dana: you can play a home. >> geraldo: you right your answers? >> jesse: geraldo, we have been over this. >> geraldo: oh, my god to. >> jesse: what was the first word greg band? what was the first word greg band? >> oh, my gosh, my know what this is. >> i know what it is. all right, put it up. >> dana: i'm drawing a blank, blank, blank. >> jesse: conversation and impeachment woke. okay, what is it? the answer is.

>> greg: i don't know i started to ban a word and i never want to hear that word again. it is gain favor in the last month and i'm tired of it. >> jesse: epileptic. i like that word appearance before you remember when you band" it is what it is?" >> jesse: out the window, number two... >> geraldo: time will tell, band that when. >> jesse: how many times has dana cursed on the air, which is good. >> dana: technicality. if you use something as a verb it's not really cursing, fine. >> greg: i think he could challenge that right now. >> jesse: once. and let's hear. >> dana: oh, no! >> jesse: even going into the [bleep]. >> dana: as conservative women, you know you will not go so you just get your [bleep]

done. >> jesse: but that is it, just two? >> dana: you missed one i got [bleep] for using -- i said it as a verb and they [bleep] me. >> greg: like you are complaining. >> it is so cute how you spell it out. >> dana: i don't want to get [bleep]. >> jesse: number three, what topic was being discussed when i first asked dana to squeeze my hands? remember when i squeezed dana's hand treading on thin ice? what topic? >> dana: okay. oh, boy, i don't know. >> greg: every single idea we ever talked about. >> jesse: me too, panic, women. >> greg: ladies. >> jesse: what did you say? >> women. >> jesse: i feel like there is a lot of landmines for me.

i'm going to ask dana told my hand. dana, if you feel like i'm saying something inappropriate, squeeze it and i will move onto another issue issue. so what's it about women? >> greg: it was a telethon and everybody can blending like subservient to her husband because she wanted to look good. it turns out they were way ahead of everything. >> dana: and that she really didn't want to get a peloton forced upon her. >> jesse: number four, did dagen said she would rather eat a bushel of what rather than watch chris cuomo? bushel of what question mike >> greg: i think i know. >> jesse: the colorful dagen. >> dana: oh, well met, there are so many possibilities. >> dagen: i used that one a lot. i was going to say... candy corn. >> jesse: crab sticks. geraldo, will have to [bleep] you. what did dakin say she would rather eat a bushel of them

watch chris cuomo? >> dagen: i would rather eat a bushel of cicadas them watch a half an hour of chris cuomo. >> jesse: cicadas. >> dagen: i have said that like a few weeks ago. >> jesse: it just goes to june. >> geraldo: i needed a briefing on this. >> jesse: geraldo come every other show, right, number five. fill in the blank, geraldo has called himself america's blank uncle. america's blank uncle. >> dagen: . >> that is true. >> jesse: stoner. let's see it. >> geraldo: i'm like america stoner uncle. >> greg: no, i say dirty. >> jesse: geraldo got it.

>> geraldo: pathetic. >> jesse: geraldo you are not. number six, name all of the animals the columbus zoo brought onset. >> greg: oh, my god. >> dana: wait, wait, wait, wait. >> jesse: name all of the animals. i can only name two. swath and cat. like a wildcat. >> greg: bobcat with weird ears. >> jesse: bob closed, can you give me cat? swath, kangaroo. >> greg: was they were >> jesse: don't ask >> geraldo: this is 82 toed sloth, a canada link. it is a south africa penguin. >> dana: i think i get three. >> jesse: dana has got it. let's look at the scoreboard, geraldo one, dana one.

greg, step it up. you are a veteran here. what was the first animal video that greg showed for animals are great? >> dana: just animal? >> jesse: what kind of animal or describe the video? >> dana: what are you those things come i know. >> dagen: i'm guessing but i'm reading your mind, greg. >> jesse: i was just putting that. i think you guys are right. >> greg: cat playing with a laser. >> jesse: what did greg have for the first one? >> greg: it is time for... animals are great, animals are great. the answer is great. >> jesse: you know what it was? it shows you how to inspect a home. so you know what that means come everybody, we have to go to a tiebreaker. do we have a tiebreaker? should we read the next one and consider it a tiebreaker? >> greg: is it tied up? >> jesse: this is a tiebreaker. only you guys can answer this

question. >> greg: i will probably get it right, then. >> jesse: how many episodes of "the five" are there? >> greg: i will play along anyway. >> jesse: dana, that was fast. did you keep that in your journal? >> dana: no, i saw it. >> jesse: what is the answer? someone tell me what the answer is. [laughter] 2,593 come i think dana... no, she was dyslexic. >> greg: she had the answer appearance before no, no, no, it was on a piece of paper the other day and i have somewhat of a photographic memory. [applause] well done, dana perino. there is more of the 10-year anniversary coming up on the "the five." who has the best carnival skills? we will find out in a best "dana

corner." joe biden blowing up over afghanistan withdrawal plan of the tele- band to gain control. ♪ ♪ >> congratulations, we want you guys all the time and love and adore you. think of what you do for this country. >> steve remember with this new show called "the five" that will never work or never last? you were so wrong. guys, whoever you are, you seem really nice. you are back together, and it has been ten years. one of the most successful shows in the history of cable. it is the magic. you make it happen every day and we are glad you are here. >> so to "the five," congratulations from the three on the 6:00 and 9:00.

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♪ ♪ >> dagen: president biden playing defense with potential of disaster to a loom. the tele- band gaining momentum with proof withdrawal is 90% complete. president biden addressing the plan earlier and getting nasty with the press by the reporters. >> it is taliban takeover of afghanistan now inevitable? >> no, it is not. because you have the afghan troops with 300,000 well equipped, as well-equipped as any army in the world. >> [indistinct] >> do i trust the taliban, no.

i trust the capacity of the afghan military who is better trained, better equipped, and more competent in terms of conducting war. >> the united states will you hold responsible for civilian lives after? >> no, no, no. >> the press was on the ball. >> dana: those were the toughest questions he has had an who served bush, obama, he wrote his book and said, his words not mine, joe biden has been wrong on every foreign policy issue since '70s. i will not debate whether to leave afghanistan. the decision is made but you can leave in a way that his dignity and not sloppy. the other thing that is bothering me is the issue of the afghan interpreters, who sacrificed works for us and you have people like congressman michael waltz and dan crenshaw who both served and will say there interpreters save their lives. they are supposed to be able to

come here and because the taliban wanted to kill them. and so there is a whole bunch over there but this case is bothering me this week is there is a man name... he lives in iowa since 2014 he came for a conference and found out the taliban would try to kill him. he filed for political asylum, living in iowa, he has a business, employees, he goes in for his interview. and finally to get his approval tuesday. they said "the department of homeland security, have you ever had interaction with taliban?" i can't tell a lie when i was nine years old the taliban came to me and said i had to go get a piece of bread. i went to my mom, got the bread and my mom yelled and called them smugglers. okay, he was nine years old. the department of homeland security sent him a letter that says "because of your interaction with the taliban, you are not allowed to stay." they are going to deport him. on this ridiculous technicality.

the white house said, that is what the law says. i think that is extremely hard to believe. i hope someone is actually telling the president what is really going on here because somebody needs to get secretary mayorkas to say that is shameful. it is shameful they don't have a path to protect the interpreters, geraldo. >> dagen: it seems haphazard and they move the date up to august 31st because somebody told the biden administration "hey, 9/11 looks bad and looks like a marketing ploy. >> geraldo: a couple of quick points. this is joe biden at his finance. you may disagree with him but he was strong, committed, doing something controversial but the best interest of the united states. we went to afghanistan to avenge 9/11. we killed bin laden and great to be on the air and break that news to the nation that bin laden had been killed by our great seal warriors. we should have left them in

2011. we stayed ten years too long. afghan is a failed state. it is a narco state that provides hero when consumed europe. once i was with the marines and the province and they were camping and poppy fields. it is a disgusting, savage place. it will splinter peer there was no holding it together. in terms of i have our dear interpreter, mike guy that saved my life, same thing. we worked with sky news and they talk to the taliban. you can get them on the telephone. so now, he has to straighten that all out before he can get here. we know on a first-name basis that risked everything. having said that, i also want to say, my god, g.i.s mo warriors who some gave their lives, get e with war correspondent, and you interviewed ehrman so-and-so and

he died here and there. it is a horrible experience and we should have learned from that alexander the great and the british empire and the soviet union that you can't remake a country and our own image. you will never make afghanistan france. forget about it. you know, let's cut our losses. >> dagen: the story becomes china, china ramping up afghanistan involvement and u.s. withdrawal. afghanistan is no longer at the national, strategic interest said president biden today. oh, really radical islamic terrorism? you have the taliban and al qaeda and isis. >> jesse: they have a handle on it. geraldo was right, joe biden was more coherent than i have ever seen him. and that is just because i could understand what joe was saying and that is a low bar and as complement as i will be with the president. and also geraldo, he got bounced out of there too come a bad

track record appear at the train is disgusting, caves, mountains, deserts, the export opm drugs poverty-stricken and i don't know how you can fight there. you can spend the next entry gunning down taliban in afghanistan and the place would be the same peer there is really no difference if you look at vietnam and afghanistan. not winnable wars, nixon recognized it in the vietnam hiding underground in tunnels, jungles of simulating on the population and jump out any time and shoot agi. you will never win the traditional sense. the telegram only for us right now in play, they reconstituted coming reconstituted, inevitable but the issue is, how hard what we have to dig and to defend the embassy in kabul? that is the big issue, but thanks to george w. bush and a sitting president, we have set up such a great counterterror system, the satellites, the financial tracking systems,

interrogation drones, all sorts of technology that we can relate this corrupt as they are coming together. so hopefully we can protect the homeland from here. >> dagen: geraldo liked president biden's performance today, but that was humbling and incoherent and fell a lot of times. >> geraldo: so did jesse. >> jesse: better than he has been before. i didn't say good but better. >> geraldo: i don't know, you know, i give him a pass because 20 years has a long time. and we have to accept that the world has changed, especially with warfare and technology. we've got to get over this idea it is a failure to leave. it is not a failure to leave. it is acknowledgment that the world has changed. maybe this kind of warfare we are dealing with is almost irrelevant and equated when you talk about the drones and you talk about the threats that we are seeing with ransomware which we can't get a handle on. we need to concentrate on ransomware and bioterror, drones, things like that.

the way to look at it, afghanistan is not going anywhere, but thanks to technology, we can go anywhere. that means, you know, we don't have to be there. we may not have to occupy anyplace anymore to keep us safe. and i think we kind of knew that. and i think it is time. people should not think of this is any kind of defeat. it is just that the world has changed. terrorism is different. drones, bioterrorism, it has all changed. why are we there? we don't have to be. so anyway. >> dagen: i'm just curious how china leverages that against us. they want to dominate the world. >> greg: look what they did to russia, ussr appeared every time you jump in there. >> dagen: final word, greg, you better warm up and do deep knee bends because we are getting close to fund, carnival game spirit and "dana's corner," rashida tlaib has a new target

to defund and it could leave america's borders even more open. ♪ ♪

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♪ ♪ speak with the democrats with new agencies they want to target. squad member tlaib with funding to talk to agencies even though there is a crisis at the border. >> we must eliminate ice, the parent organization dhs. these are agencies that ran up to you mainly guiding migrants to the immigration system and further continue instead to

terrorize migrant communities located within the community. >> greg: dana, i have a theory. >> dana: okay. >> greg: the reason why she has an awful politician, probably the worst politician because she hates america. she realized that she can do much better in the system destroying it with her own incompetence. so she looks at the rising crime wave and she goes "let's get rid of the cops." and i'm just an incompetent politician. she actually, deliberately destroying the country, my theory. >> dana: a good theory. you know who was hardest hit today? >> greg: who? >> dana: all the democrats who said defund the police. >> greg: that is a given. >> dana: clearly, they didn't get the memo. when you look at the border patrol has actually done, how much humanitarian work they have done where the cartels are doing nothing but trying to destroy them. i got to talk to jesse in the

newsroom. >> greg: you got his talking point? that never happens. it is usually the reverse appearance before they are doing all these great things. obviously, i'm not saying 100% perfect, but it is so much better than the idea than saying -- speed to jesse, we have full-scale crime wave and media into my will. if the republicans don't sweep the elections like justice zamboni come i will turn to a life of crime and i invite you to join me. >> jesse: did you write justice zamboni down? >> greg: s. >> jesse: good to know, that's good. you made a point she wants to do this because it is purposeful. that is fact and here is why. if you follow the logic when we defund the police, crime went up. illegal immigration goes up. she must know two plus two equals four. she must know and say i want to

increase illegal immigration. it is almost refreshing, greg, because most dems dance around that. they squirm. she is actually admitting that she wants to open the borders. so in a way, it is better to debate somebody that's trying to hide that. dana is right, my point, beautiful, i made it on the show. if you look at the video we are showing, you can't deny this. this is a fact, you have border patrol helping migrants across ver and rescuing them from drowning. they were putting papers on children, feeding them, giving them blankets, shelter. what are the cartels doing? shaking them down for cash, sex trafficking them. my god, they are raping's before putting them in stash houses >> jesse: using them as drug mules and so to say that we are terrorizing? we are rescuing these migrants from the hands of the cartel. >> greg: and the people on the other side would not accuse you of hysteria but just like the

crime wave, the hysteria, geraldo that none of this is happening. >> geraldo: first of all about the squad my imprint mike appreciate their enthusiasm although sometimes i get dopey. but the problem here was completing the border patrol and immigration and customs enforcement. ice, even within the agency itself is a movement to reform it, why? here with all of these great callouts that are trained and skilled, busting the mexican drug cartel and who do they go after? they picked the low-hanging fruit, the dishwasher, the lawn mower, the babysitter. >> jesse: i don't think that is true. if you look at the list of the top ten ice suspects, this, murderers, hard-core traffickers. it's not dishwashers. >> geraldo: why do you think they terrorized immigrant communities? because they take people off buses and stop people waiting on

corners. they go into the kitchens of restaurants. they should be going after monsters and killers and drug cartels, not one maria. >> jesse: the dishwashers are not a priority. >> greg: what do you say, dagen? >> dagen: maybe rashida tlaib doesn't know what these agencies do. she lumps them together. clearly, what the border patrol is doing, if she ever looked on youtube, even, she can watch videos of little children of like infants being rescued by the border patrol. he rose, overworked, overwhelmed, and ignored largely, rescuing children who are put in harm's way by cartel members and criminals who are emboldened by biden and company policies. i guess she rolled out of bed this morning and her feet hit the floor and she said, "i am not a lunatic enough.

i need to plumb new depths of low them this." talk about ending policing, that was not stupid enough. >> jesse: did peter doocy take my and i telegraphed on the show. >> greg: coming up disgraced lawyer michael avenatti is heading to prison and weeping in court like brian stelter at cnn. [laughter] ♪ ♪ so when you learn your chronic dry eye is actually caused by reduced tear production due to inflammation you take it on, by talking to your eyecare professional about restasis®...

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this is a loathsome creature. michael avenatti heading to prison and the disgraced lawyer will spend two and a half years behind bars for trying to extort nike for $25 million. he was found weeping in the courtroom today and his legal troubles far from over. he faces two more trails on the west coast. the media looking foolish after praising this creep. >> to me, you are like the holy spirit. all places come all times. >> looking at 2020, the only reason i'm taking this serious as a contender because of the presence on cable news. i read about this, you are currently leading the pack among 2020 contenders on the democratic side appear >> will come i think you are doing a hell of a job. i don't think you are doing this for the money. [laughter] >> geraldo: so dana, is this affection they showed michael avenatti that qualities or just about --

>> dana: getting carried away with themselves in the hopes that maybe somebody will be able to take on donald trump at the time and michael avenatti he praised the media attention and always available. in the thing is he was quite behind the times. what do you do now if you want to get $25 million from a company is you basically go underground and ask them for $50 million in crypto. that is how you get paid. he doesn't even know what he's doing in a more. >> greg: you become a diversity consultant. you woke up by the corporation. >> dana: you could do that as well. i'm glad justice was done and nike's lawyer sniffed this out immediately and contacted the fbi. >> geraldo: the guy is driving for aris with $2,000 suits and where's the money coming from? and the stories, daniels, stormy daniels. >> greg: i like how you forget her name. how do you forget her?

one month for every hair on his head. will zucker visit him in jail? after all... >> dana: jesse watters! >> jesse: i don't see anything wrong with that. >> greg: how does cnn report this? michael avenatti they'll lower your we heard about today we did not party with him and no pictures with don lemon in hampton but just went to jail and we are so happy he went to jail. we have nothing to do with him. >> they pushed this guy on america and your question to dana, they were deluded by, delusional loathing of donald trump. this guy was a mass murder, they still -- it is clear evidence of that, jessie. >> geraldo: you can speak about media bias and all the rest of it but you see it laid they're here is a guy embraced in a way that was really obscene and so gushy.

michael avenatti, michael avenatti and it turns out he is just a low life. >> jesse: you have street smarts. this table has street smarts. we could smell his cheap cologne from a mile away. we saw it coming. but they don't have street smarts over in the mainstream media hallways. they get duped. remember josie small it? i'm hungry for a subway sandwich and it is 40 below, come on, man and they believe the guy a week later and this guy come a little shady, legal maneuvers with pulling victims out of his hat to destroy brett kavanaugh sucking up to everybody with getting suckered with this guy. hitched a wagon to criminal carnival barker because they loathed trump. they thought this would be the silver bullet. what i noticed that the guy almost on tv as much as fauci. when you see people on tv as much as fauci and michael of an

oddity. there is a big crash. >> greg: almost as much as selling a book. >> dagen: i'm not carrying about stormy daniels but this guy is going to jail. you know what they can't smell out this? guy? they can't sniff him out because they are him, the combination, yes, gift weighted and arrogant. how do you explain this idiot goes to nike like "i'm going to outsmart the lawyers at nike" appear they are all the same. it is a party of one. >> jesse: stay tuned, we are celebrating tenth anniversary of special edition of "dana's sports corner." let's start getting suited up, dude, look at this. [laughter] ♪ ♪

>> happy birthday to everybody on >> greg: . wait a minute, did you say ten years? they are a lot older than ten. oh, that show. congratulations. looking forward to the decade and beyond, the "the five" "the five," a big happy birthday to "the five." thank you for letting me stop by. you have a great legacy. keep it going. congratulations.

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♪ ♪ >> dana: all right, i'm waiting for this all day. a special edition of "dana's sports corner" which i stole from greg a few years ago. from fantasy world entertainment. thank you for setting it up. jesse and i will square off on basketball pop a shot. i think i might win. dakin, we will come over, the thing that you hit, the hammer. we will come over here and do a balloon blast with greg because the four web us. >> i was expecting something totally different. >> dana: all right. we have billy from m berry park,

cotton candy to help us out. we will snack on that and the producers who are amazing. jesse come are you ready? are you ready? 1-2-3, go! >> dana: a basket for me. >> greg: anybody can score? >> i'm going to be so impressed. is anybody counting question marks me when she is kicking your, dude. [laughter] >> dana: who won? what! recount! >> jesse: recount! >> dana: i think i did win, mom come i tried my best. >> jesse: a little bit longer. >> dana: apparently, dagen think she knows how to do the stryker tips. >> dagen: our stage manager showed me how to do it before hand. so you put... you have to hit here.

>> dana: let's just see it. jesse had to do it. >> dana: one more time, one more time. >> dagen: i have heels on. >> jesse: do i have to wear heels? >> dana: okay. >> dagen: you have to hit it here. >> dana: a little harder than i thought. >> jesse: okay, ready? >> dana: make jesse jr. proud to. >> oh! >> jesse: dana? >> dana: will you get this one for jesse jr.? >> jesse: yes appearance before i do actually think i won the basketball. okay, wait. >> jesse: can you hold that up? do you need help? this has not helped you in the arm area. >> dana: one more time? >> yes. >> jesse: harder, dana. >> jesse: i will hold onto their spirits before you get to choose one of these lovely toys

for your little one. okay, now... >> jesse: this is called balloon blasting. you aim it to the mouth of the clown. how many times have i said that? >> greg: some great times after the carnival closure. all right. here comes blue, here comes blue. dagen, good job, well done. >> i need some data prostate. >> dana: [laughter] >> geraldo: cotton candy, spending. >> dana: cotton candy, what is the secret? years is a little different anybody else. artificial flavors and we don't use food coloring so mostly blue and the pink come up i did this just all-natural deliciousness. >> dana: you have different

flavors. >> i have the most popular of the sea salt salted caramel. we have chocolate caramel cotton candy. [laughter] >> greg: look at that. >> u-turn. all right. would you like some? >> jesse: i will take it. >> i have to watch my girlish figure. who is next? >> good job, geraldo. >> dana: where can we find you? >> [indistinct] like the main drag. they can find us online 24/7 come all the sizes, flavors. >> dana: all the tourist to come back? >> dana: in the commercial

break, we will do a recount of the basketball because i'd really do think i won. geraldo is with me on this. "one more thing" is up next. ♪ ♪ . .

♪ ♪ >> jesse: it is time for one more thing. greg gutfeld. >> greg: my favorite thing. >> jesse: you look ridiculous. >> greg: do i? i was out in l.a. the celebrities always bothering me out by the beach, malibu. who did i see driving around town but the lovely paris hilton and her will little pink jeep driving around. she still looks great at the age of 57. amazing she has been around for that long. >> jesse: you know geraldo had a house in malibu we learned that yesterday.

>> geraldo: i was in a party with paris hilton. >> jesse: of course you were. we have got to get my book to number one. all right reese witherspoon book club reasonable medical certainty is beating me. nothing against reese. go to amazon to put me there at the top spot. i'm going to be appearing in person in tampa for turning point summit on july 1st. doing a little book signing also at the nixon library. yorbalinda. and also manasquan, new jersey. that was dana's recommendation. book towne. go buy the book how i saved the world. you may have heard about it and make me a rich person. >> happy birthday eve. >> jesse: birthday today. >> four day week always screws everybody up. >> jesse: that's what it was. >> dana: just to plug jesse's book one more time.

my podcast everything will be okay i did it with jesse watters how he saved my podcast. check it out pretty fun conversation. take a look at this polar bear having fun in a bucket of ice. and i just chose this because it's pretty cute. >> jesse: it ask cute. >> greg: by the way you are on my show tonight. yeah, jesse and dana are on tonight. we are doing a special episode of the gut if he would on "the five." >> jesse: i'm excited about it. >> geraldo: i don't think there is enough cross promotion. >> jesse: you, of all people. >> geraldo: i invented it. >> jesse: like you complaining about mustaches. [laughter] >> geraldo: all right. so i'm reading a great new book. private eye book. a harlem private i. it's like chinatown pulp fiction, dick tracy and the best part of it is written by dion b

our sound man. you may know him from the neil cavuto show. he makes frequent cameo appearances. >> we have good read very dark. >> dagen: that's the way redneck says muaw. >> geraldo: i don't think rednecks are in to muay. >> geraldo: i'm done. >> dagen: i have a minute kid pushing a puppy in a stroller in a grocery store. little girl. yorkshire terrier. i just want to say dogs aren't allowed in the grocery store. i don't know who let this kid in with the dog but i think the dog is cuter than she is. >> greg: that's terrible. but you are right. >> dana: jesse, how are we going to close out this week tomorrow. >> jesse: we have special guests is it john rich. >> greg: special fan mail. >> jesse: my favorite segment.

>> dana: is my deep fryer coming? >> geraldo: did i ever tell you the story when john rich came to my house? [laughter] >> geraldo: true story. >> jesse: paris hilton was there, too. not going to tell any more of that story though. that's it for us. "special report" is up next with shannon bream the evil shannon bream. >> shannon: jesse, really jesse watters vs. reese witherspoon. i don't know elle wood is a scrapper. good luck on that. >> jesse: thank you very much, thank you very much, reese. shan have a great night. good evening, welcome to washington i'm shannon bream in for bret baier. breaking tonight president biden says taliban takeover of afghanistan is highly unlikely. the comments come as the president promises to maintain personnel and capacities in the country after the large scale u.s. military withdrawal. congressional correspondent jacqui heinrich starts us off tonight from the white house. good evening, jackie. >> good evening, shannon.