>> [inaudible]. you don't like new york city that much. i have my cowboy hat and everything. >> laura: just move to a red states. it's america now and forever. up next "gutfeld!" takes here. >> [cheers and applause]. >> [cheering]. >> greg: thank you, people. happy thursday, everyone or kat timpf calls it honey the police are here. plush the 8 ball. billy is back which is impressive. >> i don't know why. >> greg: she's been so busy. >> [laughing].

>> greg: you have bills to pay. >> that's the best my abs have looked this years. >> greg: enough! paisley is here. who did she make mad? this episode won't air. i am lying. something fun. donald trump is more popular than joe biden. it's true! >> [applauding]. >> greg: you don't have to clap. he can't hear you. trump rose to 48% and biden dropped to 46%. how is biden even at 46%. in a normal world he will be at 2% just ahead of losing your home in a tornado. a lost things are more popular

than joe biden. a painful rectal itch and kamala harris. but i repeat myself. harris is doing better than joe in polling. she is doing nothing and he is doing something. the less a liberal works the more popular they are. when they work they destroy things. they are like a bull in i china job. one that joe and hunter are probably silent partners in. they are more like rats in a sinking ship or snakes in the grass or perhaps -- >> abort, immediately! >> greg: it's the new system we are testing out. joe, remember how beloved heat index figures -- when he was

chained to a radiator in the basement and came outside just once to predict 6 more weeks of winter. they loaded joe up with relief factor. they pointed him to the white house. where after 8 attempts he found the entrance. >> [laughing]. >> greg: and got to work. boy, was that a bad idea. you have check america in 2021 under joe. it's a mess. he is falling apart faster than a whopper you are trying to eat while driving. he claims he has things under control. he had afghanistan under the control and the pandemic under

control and has his bladder under control. joe is controlled by whom? homicide have the biggest rise since records began 19 sixty. -- 1960. we are witnessing the biggest spike. crime is falling faster than cnn's ratings. how did we get to that idiotic place? dining with don lemon? >> if you watch conservative media you would think that the entire cities are embrawled in fires and whatever. we had a great dinner in new york city. >> [laughing]. >> greg: don enjoys any meal without brian under the table begging for scraps.

they based this drop in crime on a left wing think tank. shout out to matt lauer. the everyall number hides the rise of violent crime in cities. they cut violent crime numbers with non-violent crime numbers. the way a coke dealer cuts his product with laxatives. the nbc report is like telling a muggy victim to cheer up because mail fraud is down. the media whose not to report on the riots because it would taint the narrative of a greater american oppression. the data indicates the dems who

left their cities in mayhem. i wonder what the angry black male thinks. >> ♪ ♪ . >> [laughing]. >> it looks like i am playing my video game in a pink room and a pink couch. it's not. don't believe your lying eyes. it's a greenroom with camouflage and i am sitting on a cannon right now. pay no attention to the facts in front of you. for my next trick, will pee down your back and tell you it's rain. that's not that funny. crime is really up.

because of this woke administration. that actually makes me angry. don't make me angry. you would not like me if i was angry. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: and what used to be the border. fox sounded an alarm but it was ignored because fox is evil. the greatest self-inflected behavior since shelley long left cheers. imagine someone you dislike telling you something that could save your life and you reject it because their politics don't align. >> ♪ ♪ . >> oh, ma'am, you got something. >> nice try, mr. red hat. i know what you guys are all about. >> just trying to be helpful. >> you have a lot of hate in your heart! you disgust me!

>> oh, my god. the grim reaper is behind you. >> i do not want to talk to you. you are on the wrong side of history. >> you will be on the wrong side of death. >> i don't want to talk to him or you. >> he will kill you. >> global warming will kill us all if you little red hats have your way. >> [laughing]. >> [cheering]. >> [applauding]. >> greg: my dream comes through, applauding kat's death. a shout out to the cream reaper for helping us with that. in the audience a big fan.

they found one image they could distort worse than slavery. look a man on horse back. >> what the hell are we doing here in what we witnessed takes us back hundreds of years. it was worse than what we witnessed in slavery. >> greg: really. thousands of blacks suffering in squadil conditions did not matter to her. law and order and the border have been sacrificed on the altar of progressivism. that's controlling joe. something he doesn't understand. joe is unpopular because we is see what many of us saw a year ago. like one of hunter's dates this was just a trick. america was fooled into thinking he was as middle of the road as

a squashed possum, but he was like an empty vessel like a newborn child whose parents can fill with good or evil values. at least he doesn't tweet. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: our next guest disappointed more liberals than the u.s. women's soccer team, the great douglas murray. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: written 2 children's books so knows how to deal with tonight's panel. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: she thinks outside of the box unless it's boxed wine and only here to get away from her kids. and those shoes look greats with her ankle monitor. patrick leahy. >> [cheers and applause].

>> greg: douglas, congratulations. you moved to the united states of america. is that correct? >> it is. >> greg: what were you thinking? >> [laughing]. i feel like i am going upriver. everyone else wants to leave this city. i think that's wrong. it's a great city and a great country and a great time to be here. >> laura: what do you think of joe biden's performance so far? >> hmmm. it's not been the best. >> [laughing]. >> i would say he must be feeling sad to see these approval ratings going down he will forget it tomorrow. >> greg: he certainly will. perhaps in an hour. is there a flaw to the democrats on the left that underlies all of these disasters?

they confuse law and order with compassion. >> they have a vague idea you should have a border and then see a photograph of the border and there is a man with the whip. no that's a horse rein. well, we will ban horses. it doesn't solve anything. find something like that to pick on and this time the horses got it. >> greg: blame the horses. >> buyers remorse is a real thing. >> greg: talk to the surgeon in the e.r. >> bought a house with termites. buyers remorse is setting in. in january 60% approved of joe

biden. in the summer it dropped into the 50s. you talked about it this morning. >> greg: this morning? >> on fox and friends. >> greg: that's a delightful show. continue. >> now the independence. look at afghanistan. 40 days in and still have americans behind enemy lines. the videos at the border. looks like a third world country. gas prices are going up. taxes are going up. donald trump, yes, he might send out mean tweets. i am not a proponent of that. i don't think some of the things he says but i would take him over joe biden any day with policies. look it's the border and gas prices and our taxes. the economy, it's a no brainer. >> greg: much like joe.

was that mean? >> no, i thought that was fair, i guess. i think he has a brain. it just doesn't necessarily work on all 6 cylinders? how many cylinders in an engine? >> greg: 4. >> it brings me back to my high school days as a flunkie. i called them high f's to my parents to justify the report card. what i find shocking is kamala harris is scoring higher than the president. that brings me back to the kids that skipped half of the school year and got better grades than me. i showed up and failed. she hasn't shown up and hasn't done a thing vichlt to go back to high school. >> greg: yes. believe me, i tried. >> not for the girls. >> greg: i just like to

volunteer. >> all the government has done is assign me a number to be identified by. tell me i can't do stuff and take my money to spend on things you disagree with. i don't like those things. who is happy and who is this working for? >> greg: i don't know. >> neither do i. we have a lot of friends. >> greg: well, i do. >> no, i do. >> greg: no. let's not do this here, kat. >> okay, later. >> her husband told me i am

a friend. >> greg: that's worse. she is a failure. >> she's fun. >> greg: where are we? i am kidding. you know a failure. the aclu doesn't want you to see the actual quote from the late rbg. the best things america makes are the things america makes out here. the history she writes in her clear blue skies. the legends she births on home town fields. and the future she promises. when we made grand wagoneer, proudly assembled in america, we knew no object would ever rank with the best things in this country. but we believed we could make something worthy of their spirit. as someone who resembles someone else... but we believed we could make i appreciate that liberty mutual knows everyone's unique. that's why they customize your car insurance, so you only pay for what you need. [ nautical horn blows ]

i mean just because you look like someone else doesn't mean you eat off the floor, or yell at the vacuum, or need flea medication. oh, yeah. that's the spot. only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty ♪ advil dual action fights pain 2 ways. it's the first and only fda approved combination of advil plus acetaminophen. advil targets pain. acetaminophen blocks it. advil dual action. fast pain relief that lasts 8 hours. renae is not an influencer, she's more of a groundbreaker. renae runs with us on a john deere 1 series tractor. because out here, you can't fake a job well done. hear renae's story at deere.com ♪ ♪ life is full of surprises when you least expect it.

(woman laughs) and open. what happened to all your things? i know you needed a place to study, so... and other times, it pays off knowing what to expect. at university of phoenix, you can count on fixed, affordable tuition from the moment you enroll to the day you graduate from your program. learn more about our tuition guarantee at phoenix.edu

>> woke up like in? whatever, greg. >> greg: [laughing]. rbg's word replaced and the aclu scrubs a famous phrase of all

its meaning. they were honoring the late supreme court justice by tweeting a famous quote and erased an entire gender she fought so hard for. it makes me so mad, i want to run home to my birthing person. in 1993 ginsburg wrote that a: the aclu deleted every gender pronoun. the aclu social distancing team is brain storming more deletions to come forcing on the pop music like the helen ready song i am

person. >> [laughing]. >> greg: it's really a jam. and non-sis gender humans just want to have fun. and the big non-binaries don't cry. or the classic song persons, persons, persons. >> [laughing]. >> greg: beyonce all of the single humans. >> [cheers and applause]. >> where did you get that? >> greg: i have writers. >> this is good. >> as a birthing person. >> i did birth a baby. >> greg: congratulations. millions have done it. >> it wasn't that hard. mine was a c-section. i enjoyed it it.

>> if my wife gets pregnant, i will be in the c-section at the ballgame. >> greg: that was a great joke. >> that was good. >> he doesn't watch the show. >> that's right. >> greg: what do you make of this? >> i respect whatever anyone wants to be. we live in america. but when you doing this to ruth bader ginsburg. did you watch the movie about her. i was shocked at all of the things she did for women. i am conservative. you try to see all sides. a little kid is going through certain things and want to hear what he or she has to say. i am okay with some of this. a lot of people who watch focus don't agree with. i have a heart with children going through this. when you censor her, it's

shocking the direction our country is going. this woman -- may i say woman? >> greg: she won't hear it. >> we would not have been able to get credit cards or bank accounts if not for her. >> greg: that's a good thing? have you seen my bills? >> long gone are the good old days. >> sorry, we can get our own credit cards and pay our own bills. to censor her, i can't believe we are at this stage. >> greg: douglas? who are they scared of? this is the aclu. they never shared of anybody. they would defend nazi. who are they scared of? why are they throwing feminist women under the bus? >> it's strange. this entire phase of american life are terrified of weirdos on social media that obsessed with

pronounce. the up side is every kid in america knows what pronouns are. next year adverbs. no, we don't have women. we have birthing persons. that are the opposite of dripping off the tongue. the aclu had a nobel history for free speech. they have become terrified of these people. what is the power these people have for pronoun weirdos? >> greg: a lot is corporate coward ice. second be serve watching their backs, kat. you must have loved the aclu. >> i used to donate to them but no more.

they support vaccine mandates. i support vaccines but not government mandates. this issue people are talking about it as a political correctness issue. this is a regular correctness issue. that's not what ruth bader ginsburg said. for them to present this tweet -- by changing the words, they are saying there is something wrong with when she said. on the anniversary of her death, we will honor her by [bleep]? that's not how you honor. someone. it's wrong. i am disappointed by this civil liberties organization. >> greg: aclu would rather defend feminists are now

usurped. >> you learned it by reading. >> greg: they are usurped -- >> [laughing]. >> [overlapping talking]. >> greg: you are so smart. you are a birthing person. i don't have any kids. could i identify myself as a mother like i am a mother to a stapler? >> if you had pets. >> greg: in my brain a birthed a stapler. >> you could be the mommy to the stapler. >> greg: that's fine. >> i as a woman am offended by this. sometimes they are more man than

woman. >> greg: that's true. >> no matter how you identify, that doesn't replace the female anatomy. i pee when i sneeze. i am prod to be a woman. >> can't you see the women in our workout classes. if you into your jumping jacks like in this place, it means you had a baby. >> greg: this is an education. >> no man will take this away. it was worth it? >> yes, kids are great. >> greg: i learned a lot. >> so did i. >> greg: you are not having kids? >> well, we will see. >> greg: up next.

less freedom seems prudent for back wards college students. d f. but as we've evolved with the military, we've grown to serve all who've honorably served. no matter their rank, or when they were in. a marine just out of basic, or a petty officer from '73. and even his kids. and their kids. usaa is made for all who've honorably served and their families. are we still exclusive? absolutely. and that's exactly why you should join.

when you're entertaining, you want to put out the best snacks that taste great, and come straight from the earth. and last time i checked, pretzels don't grow on trees. just saying. planters. a nut above.

your shipping manager left to “find themself.” leaving you lost. you need to hire. i need indeed. indeed you do. indeed instant match instantly delivers quality candidates matching your job description.

visit indeed.com/hire

>> greg: the girls are still talking about peeing and exercise. douglas and i are shooting the breeze. boy, depends should sponsor this show. >> [laughing]. >> greg: unless mandatory masks are the rule they want to shut down their school. the university of iowa, a group of students stayed a die-in to protest the school's lax covid rules. they wanted more restrictions even though they have a greater chance of getting run over at the protest than succumbing to the coronavirus. that's more upside down than joe biden on a flight of stairs. in the '60s they burned bras.

now they wear them on their faces. 50 students laid on the ground and others drew chalk out lines around them. that's how they play hopscotch in chicago. it's so tasteless you will think you have covid. only cogs would chant this. what do we want? mask mandates. they could fear for their health. they could be ugly and a mask increases their chances for dates. i did that when i was young. charter schools are rising in popularity. enrollment increased by 70%. public schools have lost more kids than kevin mcallister's mom. i will stop there.

kat? >> yes. >> greg: do you believe this? i thought this was fake? >> i believe it. it's probably a lot easier for these freaks to tell themselves they are staying at home for the greater good and want because they have not been invited anywhere else. >> greg: there you go. >> there are 50 kids. it's not a lot of people. all of the other kids are out splitting their time between studying and blacking out like you are supposed to in college. these kids -- i was in high school. if there was around then. i might have the same temptation. i am alone in my room writing poetry about how the guy i liked said he didn't see me as a girl. i didn't have that chance and i grew stronger. >> who here has had a little slip up with a condom? . raise your hand.

>> greg: i am not raising my hand. >> [laughing]. >> condoms are not 100% and vaccines are not 100%. if you put a condom chances are you will be good. to avoid death get vaccinated. i am not saying children are the death of you so they could be compared to covid. i have no problem with these kids saying i don't want to get covid. >> greg: you don't buy that comparison. wearing a mask is not like wearing a condom. >> they want it all. >> greg: i was focussing on the mask thing. >> is having a baby worse or getting covid? >> i don't know. i have not had either.

>> [overlapping talking]. >> it depends on the baby. >> what if i had a baby and it sucks. >> greg: stop doing the "view." >> don't they have jobs? >> greg: they are in college. >> that's true. don't they have studying or classes? it's so weird. i can't imagine doing that this college. if republicans focussed on school choice it would be a win. >> greg: dead on. >> i think charter schools you are seeing an increase and in home schooling because of this thing. mask mandates. schools in the city say you have to have a mask on even outdoors. >> greg: that's insane. >> 12 and above have to be

vaccinated. if they say 5 years old have to be vaccinated do i have to choose doing zoom school because i don't want to get my kid vaccinated. >> greg: last word to you, douglas. >> i think they are sincere. i don't believe this stuff. they sit on college campuses thinking their whole life issa liberal arts student. there are people in china work asking they think it will always go on like this.

>> greg: i would exchange 3 college students in america to one hard working haitian. an actor who took a fall so cancel culture can come for us all. ww. weight loss that works. wellness that works. lose 10 pounds on us! join today at ww.com offer ends september 27th! heyyy! j (steins breaking)m your cousin. ♪ from boston. ♪ it means, “ok-to-beer-fest”. another sam octoberfest? nein. make it ten! i like this guy. (cheers)

i'm not getting through the pandemic just to end up with the flu. i asked for fluzone high-dose quadrivalent. it's the #1-used flu vaccine for people 65 and older. fluzone high-dose quadrivalent is the only vaccine approved by the fda for superior flu protection in adults 65+. i'm not letting my guard down. fluzone high-dose quadrivalent isn't for people who've had a severe allergic reaction to any flu vaccine or vaccine component, including eggs or egg products. tell your health care professional if you've ever experienced severe muscle weakness after receiving a flu shot. people with weakened immune systems including those receiving therapies that suppress the immune system, may experience lower immune responses. vaccination may not protect everyone. side effects include pain, redness, and/or swelling where you got the shot, muscle ache, headache, and general discomfort. other side effects may occur.

all flu shots are not the same. i raised my game with fluzone high-dose quadrivalent. ask your doctor or pharmacist for fluzone high-dose quadrivalent.

>> cancelling tornados. >> greg: these witch hunts should not stand says scissor hands. johnny depp slammed cancel culture and said no one is safe. the carpet has been pulled. this happened to a lot of people. he was referring to his public league battle with his ex, who accused each other of domestic

violence. the -- you made no sense and i i don't care. cancel culture as bad for johnny depp as any it ordinary slep? he has piles of money. although he lost acting gigs, he still has his castle. it's like tom jefferson said. greg you have amazing calves. >> [laughing]. >> greg: that was my parm trainer. is this really cancel culture? celebrities showing up late to the party are welcome to join. is this because they see the problems or they were targeted? >> if the judge rules there is evidence that proves you are a violent man and terrible husband, fine maybe therapy. i am forgiving.

i had a major crush on this guy up until he started the thick black smudgy line under his eyes. i have a hard time believing he was that awful, evil person. i still believe in forgiving. i don't believe in cancel. get therapy and makeup remover and start a new career. >> greg: do you think what happened to him? >> this is not cancel culture. he sued the sun whom i happen to write for. a fine paper. the sun said he was beating his wife. he sue asked lost. that not cancel. that stupidly bringing a libel action into british courts for something that was true. johnny depp is a lovy actor. i don't think everybody's life should be destroyed for this. the one lesson from johnny depp,

you never sue for libel. we learned all shorts of things this court about him and amber heard or amber tu rd. both accused each other of defecateing in it the bed. in britain we go to the bathroom. we are funny and very proper. that went down badly. they aired their dirty linen in public. >> greg: kat, we finally got something about poop. >> you were about ready to die. >> greg: your thoughts? >> well, he is right that it is wrong that you can be cancelled over a single sentence and it outweighs the rest of your life. i have a how far time feeling

bad for someone whose scarf selection is worth more than my entire life. >> greg: that's true. if he joins the agent-cancel culture war i am for him. >> when you have liberals in hollywood speaking out cancel culture, maybe this is the right thing to do. if you don't want to watch fox, you can change the choice. don't agree with boycotts. i am glad celebrities are speaking out against cancel culture. about the celebrity thing accident we are the d-list celebrities. >> greg: what? >> [laughing]. >> greg: who the hell do you think you are? >> [laughing]. >> you didn't me finish. you are the a -lister at pocks. >> looking at the ratings.

if i read anything in the tabloids, anything they writes not true. >> greg: you're absolutely right. she is right. up next. halloween contests don't mean sexy. one! two! three! four! five! 72,807! 72,808... dollars. yep... everything hurts. only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪

♪ ♪ life is full of surprises when you least expect it. (woman laughs) and open. what happened to all your things? i know you needed a place to study, so... and other times, it pays off knowing what to expect. at university of phoenix, you can count on fixed, affordable tuition from the moment you enroll to the day you graduate from your program. learn more about our tuition guarantee at phoenix.edu

mask that wants to raise income tax. it's time for a new segment. >> we are [bleep] >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: the costume is based on viral photos snapped of the a senator freezing outside. the costume can be yours for just $85. it gets you a thin coat and a face masks. wear this costume and you are entitled to as much candy as you want from someone else's basket. as long as it's mashed into an easy to digest pace. why go with bernie sanders when there are better options.

>> you search for a halloween costume but can't find the one right for you. >> i am tired of costumes that objectify my body. >> you could use a costume that is fair and balance. the fox news favorite faces costume collection. each comes with a unique design. this costume comes with a dark jacket and a bold but taste sty. and pete buttigieg. -- peter doocy. and we even have tucker carlson. try the greg gutfeld. >> laughing. >> [applauding].

>> and the business custom collection. >> [cheering]. >> greg: classic. we don't have a lot of time. >> calling it sexy bernie sanders is offensive. it implies that bernie sanders is not sexy on his own. anyone says i am sexy kat timpf i would be mad. >> i have cornered the market on the sexy halloween. that's hot. >> you came prepared. you did your research. >> i did. >> i love that. i really love this. my favorite segment. if this is sexy, i am all in it. now that i am older, fox we get our hair and makeup done.

it's a dream come true. on the weekend i don't wear any makeup. i have my glasses on and up in it a bun. i don't have to wash my hair. i am in sweatpants. this is sexy and i can wear mittens and be warm in a coat, i am okay. >> not wearing peptase. >> [laughing]. >> greg: this is the worst costume and i include prince harry dressing up as a nazi. >> it would go down that badly. i am amused by halloween. we don't do it as much in my country of birth. every year at halloween a set of americans get cancelled for something they have worn. i think there are two options for america. either stay at home on halloween or just go for the nuclear option and have one year where you all go as the village

people. >> greg: there you go. i will be full on mask mandates for halloween. we'll be right back. ♪ i had a dream that someday ♪ ♪ i would just fly, fly away ♪ the best things america makes are the things america makes out here. the history she writes in her clear blue skies. the legends she births on home town fields. and the future she promises. when we made grand wagoneer, proudly assembled in america, we knew no object would ever rank

with the best things in this country. but we believed we could make something worthy of their spirit. if you're 55 and up, t-mobile has plans built just for you whether you need a single line or lines for family members, you'll get great value on america's most reliable 5g network. like 2 lines of unlimited for just $27.50 a line. that's our everyday price. plus, our plans always come with unlimited talk, text and data included. so, switch to t-mobile and get 2 lines of unlimited for only $27.50 a line. that's half the price of verizon or at&t. only at t-mobile. the leader in 5g. (vo) how do you know when you've found your team? ..... reunite with your team. go bowling. at usaa, we've been called too exclusive. because we only serve those who honorably served.

all ranks, all branches, and their families. are we still exclusive? absolutely. and that's exactly why you should join. so many people are overweight now, and asking themselves,? absolutely. "why can't i lose weight?" for most, the reason is insulin resistance, and they don't even know they have it. conventional starvation diets don't address insulin resistance. that's why they don't work. now there's release from golo. it naturally helps reverse insulin resistance, stops sugar cravings, and releases stubborn fat all while controlling stress and emotional eating. at last, a diet pill that actually works. go to golo.com to get yours.

>> thanks to douglas murray, our studio audience -- ♪♪ >> welcome to fox news tonight. i'm shannon bream in washington. >> shannon: breaking tonight bide president's border crisis, the white house still refusing to say exactly how many illegal immigrants are being released into the country. and accusations that the administration is using the controversy over agents on horseback to deflect from its own handling of theti