that is part of his plan through this. as horrific as it is, i lost my best friend, he kept me sharp. >> laura: prayer for their loved ones and all those in texas still suffering. thanks for watching us. [applause] ♪ ♪ >> greg: wonderful! [laughs] oh, yeah. happy tuesday, everyone. oh, man, we have a classic show for tonight. we have both patti ann browne and mike baker on. [applause]

now, patti ann, you remember, from redeye. she had a way with words. >> good evening, i am sith lord darth hotius. after the discussion of the relative sexiness of the "fox & friends" staff, "the new york times" reported i said brian kilmeade makes me want to puke, i would also like to add that brian is packed and stacked, brother want to thank your mother -- [laughter] like prince said, you are a [bleep]. [applause] >> greg: i think she almost had chris wallace's job. she is still better than chris wallace. and then mike baker, you may remember him from "redeye" for his deep insights. >> when i smoke some weed the

first thing i want to eat is a hot wing sandwich. >> greg: he is allowed to carry a gun. all right, to the monologue. so, in preparation for the made for prime time shown trial on the january 6th riots, house dems have hired a former abc news executive james gholston to polish up their trumped up turd. their goal, take old battered exaggerations and repurposed as new improved outrage. what beatlemania was to the fab four come of this hearing is to trump derangement syndrome. keep it going as long as possible to differ from biden. but it is not. apolitical party secures prime time real estate, abc, once employed the producer and is owned by disney, can you fight and more obvious case of collusion between a party and the press? interviews and preproduced videos air smack dab at

8:00 p.m. i know, kat, that is opposite "young sheldon." [laughter] never seen that. i don't even know what that is. but it probably has a million viewers. but it is worth it because some in the media think january 6th is bigger than all your hardships combined. >> there are so many things people are juggling, between gas prices and inflation, baby formula, abortion, and the shootings that are happening. these lawmakers are going to try to now have a narrative to focus the country's attention so they look at this thing, do not turn away, and understand that while all those other things are really, really important, the foundation of our country and what makes our country function is the democracy that we have to protect. >> greg: they've got to force-feed it. you can't call that state run propaganda, then what is state run propaganda? honestly, could you imagine the republican party securing prime time come bridge for a hearing on hunter biden and how the media claimed his laptop

was disinformation? the big tech overlords are not let you discuss it without suspending your account. probably have to air it on animal planet. [laughter] how about the biden's families ukraine connections? that was a slow rolling cool. you want more? actual terrorism and destruction. accused of throwing a molotov cocktail into a police car in new york and face domestic terrorism charges in 30 years in jail. since they were rioting on behalf of blm and targeting cops -- remember that footage? the media doesn't. they buried that, is also. you have a better chance of finding nonalcoholic beer in kat's fridge.

[laughter] >> agreed to. >> greg: this week, the white house agreed to what jonathan turley calls a breathtaking reduction in the terrorist charges that will likely result in just a few years of jail time. >> remember, accused of having a pile of firearms in his car and was from trying to hand them out to other rioters. caught on camera throwing bombs and posting about it like she just threw a one hitter against the yankees. they pleaded guilty last year to one count of possessing and making an explicit device but now they can withdraw the earlier plea and instead plea to conspiring to assemble bombs and damage the patrol car. it is like they were tossing water balloons instead. keep in mind, the backdrop for all of this is trump support is rotting in jail for a year and a half for an unguided, often unhinged, tour of the capitol building. if this keeps up, these blm bombers will be sentenced to a romantic vacate in honolulu, they can make molotov cocktails pineapple and paper umbrellas in them.

show you the sharp difference in treatment compared to the january 6th protesters, they were called a threat to police and indeed some more, but here, two scum buckets could have burned officers alive and their sentences are closer to tax fraud than terrorism. i doubt abc will devote a single minute to that. because it is not just about show trials, but no show trials. the guy producing the january 6th special, goldstein, or presided over abc news up until 2021 and was involved in several scandals, notably jeffrey epstein cover-up story. remember that video abc news anchor amy robach claiming the network killed her story on epstein and prince andrews sexual misconduct and the lolita express? sorry, the story was not killed, they just hanged itself in itself. [laughter] see, the guy running the januars you how the legacy media works. it is about turning on and off

the news faucet. jeffrey epstein, turn the faucet off. january 6th, turn it on and leave the room until the house is totally flooded. as for everything else, the crime wave, border crisis, you will find jimmy hoffa before you find any of that. instead, as they see fights presidency imploding, they can only do one thing to save it: revive january 6th. they got their work cut out for them, but then again, disney is great at producing fiction. [applause] let's welcome tonight's guests! we wouldn't have made it very far without this former "redeye" star, former fox news anchor and author of the fantastic new book "write your own story," how i took control by letting go, patti ann browne. [applause] he can kill you with his bare hands and also his long-winded mumbling sentences.

former cia operative and host of -- on discovery science channel, mike baker. [applause] she is like a switchblade, sharp, dangerous, and you can hide her in your sock. fox news contributor kat timpf. [applause] and bear traps -- television champion tyrus. [applause] the notorious pab, how are you doing? >> how are you doing? >> greg: good. congrats on the book beard the first chapter is harrowing because it details a y problematic childbirth, i'm going to read the whole thing to you. [laughter] that is my tease. everybody likes a good childbirth story as long as it

is a happy ending, if you know what i mean. >> it gets much funnier after the first chapter. very dramatic. >> greg: i read the other chapter about "redeye" -- >> looking for your own name. >> greg: and there wasn't an index, which is a problem. i would change that in the paper back, just to make it easier for me. anyway, you haven't talked politics in ages, and i bet you are going oh, crap, i have to talk politics. >> get canceled. >> greg: you are a housewife. housewife -- they are a bunch of [bleep]. [laughter] what do you make of this theater? the hypocrisy, it is so -- we know this, right? this is what happens. was that a question? almost. >> what i love is the fact that trump is supposedly saying he is going to counter program -- >> greg: yes. >> not aware if he is doing that but if he does i would not be

surprised if it got better ratings than the actual hearing. but we know what is going to come out of this hearing. there are thousands and thousands of hours of videos that we can see and people who have seen them say that they show people being not just escorted in but some being inside against their will. is it true? i don't know. we can see these videos. and they are promising never before seen videos at this hearing. i think they are not going to be the ones we are looking for. >> greg: i think you are absolutely right. this is one of those things where they are doing a mini documentary and whenever you watch a documentary they're shaping the narrative, mike, people go i love documentaries but you have to understand, they are no different than fiction in many ways because you are shaping the story, much like your hair is so meticulously -- >> i know, right? [laughter] >> greg: your extra hunky today. you look like he walked out of a viagra commercial. [laughter] [applause] just so you can be ready when the time is right.

[laughter] you parked your classic chevelle outside the gas station. >> it might have been -- and some cologne. don't forget the cologne. against the polo green, i believe. >> greg: do you think people are going to watch this? >> the democrats made fun of president trump for all those years for hosting a reality show. and now, they are going to host a reality show, right? there is no -- even the slightest effort to hide this, right? they are recasting, or they are trying to recast the whole midterm election, as look with the republicans are capable of doing. because in their mind, and what they are trying to get across and they are using some very clever messaging, i mean it is sort of, kind of a dictator-like thing to do, but they are using some very clever messaging to say, look, the republican party is the same as the that wanderel

building. the last point i will make is they have talked about this incessantly, that what happened on january 6th, we were this close to losing our democracy. >> greg: right, exactly. >> if that is what it takes for this country to lose our democracy, we don't deserve the republic. >> greg: it is so true. it is so true. is like -- somebody made a good point, we should ban all the weapons that they used on january 6th. [laughter] which ones? the only person who used a gun was the cop. capitol hill cop against an unarmed protester. tyrus, would you define this as a show, like a theater, a theatrical show? >> no, a show is usually filled with talent and a good idea and a plot -- [laughter] this is -- we have two things. we have [bleep] and we have real

[bleep]. real [bleep] is two lawyers decided to go out and make cocktails and blow up police cars that caught on fire and the woke left got involved and is now conspiracy to commit, which means they had an idea of making -- and the fire, nobody was in danger, except everyone within 50 yards of a cop car on fire which could have exploded because what do cop cars have in them, boys and girls on the woke side? gasoline. >> greg: i was going to say doughnuts. >> so happy to have you are and then you [bleep] -- [laughter] >> greg: see what i mean? >> the other side everyone involved, what we know that didd no one on the right came and saved them. >> greg: right. >> most of them are very mad at the president, saying mr. trump was going to pardon me, you broke the law, i am not doing

nothing for you. that is the difference. the left are protecting their own and disguising it by making it theatrical -- i am sure it's going to be a lot like a lot of other times we have seen. the only one i think will be watching with great anticipation is geraldo because this will get the jimmy hoffa thing off his back once and for all. [laughter] [applause] >> greg: wade, did jim hoff a -- >> al capone. >> greg: sorry, jimmy hoffa it is. [laughter] kat, i said this a long time ago -- why are they looking at me? i said this a long time ago, if the democrats think you are hitler, why wouldn't they rigged the election? if you have been doing for five years, calling everybody nazis and creating all of these hoaxes like the fine people hoax and russian collusion hoax, why wouldn't they rigged the election? that is a legitimate suspicion

to have. why are you like that? >> because i am freezing. i am freezing every day and no one cares. [laughter] it's hard to be me. >> greg: it is hard to be you. >> like, it's hard to think when i am so cold. i think what i'm going to start doing is getting hand warmers and taping them to my body underneath my clothes. >> greg: that is called the bret baier. >> i'm going to have to. >> greg: kat, do you want my jacket? >> i want 11 jackets. this is like, i don't know, i have to talk to somebody about this. i am going to do a documentary about that. >> greg: there you go. that will get higher ratings. >> i think obviously january 6th was a bad thing. i also think framing a lot of the stuff, "the new york times," january 6th hearings give democrats a chance to recast midterm at messages. i don't think they're supposed to say that out loud. >> you are right. >> but i think more people would be more concerned or more interested in it if they had

faith that it would, you know, be presented in that way or it wasn't for that purpose. >> greg: exactly. >> i don't think largely we are that divided on this being a bad thing. obviously, there are exceptions to that, but i think people have problems in the present they are more concerned about than what happened on january 6th. >> greg: i agree. like i don't know a single right-white or republican who heard that and didn't go "that sucks," the framing is reversed, they were not trying to overthrow the government, they thought they were protecting the government from a fraudulent election. if you look at it that way, you go oh, i see. like as you said, the doors were opened and things -- mostly peaceful. how about that? why don't i take their narrative from the left. it was mostly peaceful. >> there were some that deserve to be charged -- >> they were! >> and there were a lot of people wandering around genuinely surprised they were wandering around inside the capitol building. >> greg: it was like when i used to break into the high school gym.

and i did. and i won't tell you why. let's just say i knew where the laundry was. up next, "the washington post" is where jokes get you suspended while ethical lapses get you defended. [applause] ubrelvy helps u fight migraine attacks. u do it all. one dose of ubrelvy, quickly stops migraine in its tracks within 2 hours. do not take with strong cyp3a4 inhibitors. most common side effects were nausea and tiredness. ask about ubrelvy, the anytime, anywhere migraine medicine.

>> greg: he is suspended for his jokes objections, while taylor lorenz is self corrections. yesterday we told you about "washington post" reporter dave biegel, you guys weren't here to hear about it, you are all screwed. last week he retweeted a dumb joke, later deleted it and apologized because a post

reporter publicly complained, they suspended him and his chin-let's face for a month without pay. he thinks it is funny. this seems like overkill to most people, which is true when you see what is going on with another wapo reporter, taylor lorenz, publishing about content creators from the johnny depp trial, the paper had to issue three corrections! there were no suspensions or firings, just the hope she will surely get it right the fourth time. lorenz claims she reached out to two youtubers for comment but they say she never did. hopefully she will get comments from their families when she doxes them. meanwhile, over at cnn, changes are afoot. according to axios, the website, not my greek pool boy -- [laughter] shout out to axios. keep those ads coming. the network is evaluating that partisan talents -- "talent," that is cute vehicle apparently

the goal is to figure out those became one-sided in the trump era can shift to a less partisan tone to fit cnn's new priorities. but if they clean up the partisan talents, what will their office look like? ♪ ♪ [laughter] amazing. how did they get a picture of inside don lemon's head? [laughter] tyrus, getting rid of the staff doesn't solve the problem when you are turning out fake news, you still just keep making the same bad bread. >> and i am just disgusted that they think that the cnn staff are so set in their scruples and their beliefs that they wouldn't change on a dime for a pay raise or a different direction. they literally did it when they decided we are going to go after trump, who is in? us. is it more pay?

hey, guys, more to the right, is there more pay? yes, we are in. just like that. 90% of the people who do these type of things, these opinion pieces, they go one way to get the most reaction. >> greg: right. >> they do it for attention. there's no more attention? so you have to go on the side? they will knock each other over getting to the right side. >> greg: you aren't so right. >> they would literally be on tv with little "gutfeld!" unicorn t-shirts. if that meant they got a prime time spot. >> greg: i like that. >> it could happen. they don't need to fire anybody. just tell them, we are going to change -- what do you need from me? what you got? it would be a long line. >> greg: it is like being traded to a team, playing for someone else. >> deep down inside it was like trump, i always thought -- >> greg: gave him a rough time. that happens when box people go to cnn. you know, kat, let's talk about "the washington post." they have made some destructive hires in my theory as they are hiring the opposite of a

journalist, they are hiring objects of attention. journalist never want to be the story and it feels like everyone at "the washington post" -- they want to be the subject, not the reporter. what do you make of that? [laughter] >> how is there a draft in here when it is inside? [laughter] >> greg: you can have a draft when it is outside. >> i turned my head. >> the wind is blowing and i am confused because i am surrounded by walls. >> greg: yes, you are. >> anyway, enough about my pain that i am so brave to work in. i get -- okay, reporters can sometimes make mistakes. when i was a writer, i made mistakes. look at the person's body of work, if you look at taylor lorenz, though, she makes mistakes over and over and over again all in the same direction, where it becomes clear that they are not mistakes so much as her being willfully obtuse to try to

promote a certain narrative, and then to just -- if she would even say, i [bleep] up, it will be one thing, but it was my editors fault. your editor didn't catch you lying? you are the one who lied. >> greg: exactly. >> and it is just unbelievable to be able to present yourself as a victim over and over and over again, especially when you're so comfortably dressed in that sweater. [laughter] >> greg: she is jealous. mike, taylor lorenz has figured it out. the bosses are scared of her. she is going to aim her woke cannon at them. if you fire me. it is like they adopted a crazy child. >> welcome to any workplace in america. >> greg: that's true. >> doesn't matter where it is. i am shocked that there might be journalists out there who are lazy about getting sources.

and then being clear about those sources. tyrus also made, i think, a really valid point, which is in another couple of years, should president trump win, if he runs, and he wins, cnn will now veer hard to the left because there is money in it. so just follow the money and that is what happens. this is the way that now all the hip kids take notes, i put something -- >> greg: this does not slow down the show at all. >> by the way, i don't know if kids say "hip" come anymore. i'm going through my notes. the new head of cnn, who replaced the other guy, says he wants to give personalities that may appear polarizing a chance to prove they are willing to upload uphold the network's so they do not tarnish cnn's journalism brand. and he said that with a straight

face. so, that's all i got. >> greg: can you still say "straight face?" [laughter] >> oh, how dare you. he's mad because he made a funny point and he tried -- besmirch the notes. >> it's a good point, you can have a straight face, you can have a face, a poly face. >> greg: pab, you have been out of this business, do you think cnn has a chance at this point? >> one of the things i like as they are saying, we think we really over used the breaking news banner. that made me laugh, thinking of no particular network. [laughter] they said they are going to try to cut back on that. >> greg: that is such a thing they don't understand, what do you call it, the diminishing returns. every time you keep doing breaking news, it just gets a little less breaking. >> it is the boy who cried wolf

after a while. breaking news? breaking news? >> greg: poly, sure, cnn track suits at arby's. we will get more as it comes in. sorry. anything else? should i go to break at this point? you are the anchor. you are the expert. >> that's right. "the washington post" story, you know come on its face, it is just a little thing. this writer did attribute these quotes -- she contributed one to "business insider" and something called the social blade or whatever, but that line that said we reached out for comment and we didn't get it. you know, it is still not that bad except for the fact when they caught it, they didn't fix it, they just kept not wanting to correct it and that is really, i think, indicative of a wider problem of "the washington post" not wanting to admit they were wrong. >> greg: that they screwed up. they should clean house. that is a sexist phrase, as

well. because they are all women, i said clean house. what is wrong with me? >> how does the housewife association feel about that? >> greg: housewife association is going to be on my back. not complaining about that, either. [applause] thank you. up next, more stuff about joe biden. stick around. [applause] ve in one easy appointment... ♪ pop rock music ♪ >> tech: ...we can replace your windshield and recalibrate your advanced safety system. >> dad: looks great. thanks. >> tech: stay safe with safelite. schedule now. >> singers: ♪ safelite repair, safelite replace. ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪ thunderstruck ♪ ♪♪ ♪ thunderstruck yeah, yeah♪ now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. ♪♪ my relationship with my credit cards wasn't good. i got into debt in college and, no matter how much i paid,

it followed me everywhere. between the high interest, the fees... i felt trapped. debt, debt, debt. so i broke up with my credit card debt and consolidated it into a low-rate personal loan from sofi. i finally feel like a grown-up. break up with bad credit card debt. get a personal loan with no fees, low fixed rates, and borrow up to $100k. go to sofi.com to view your rate. sofi. get your money right. ♪♪

so what's going on? i'm a talking dog. the other issue. oh... i'm scratching like crazy. you've got some allergic itch with skin inflammation. apoquel can work on that itch in as little as 4 hours, whether it's a new or chronic problem. and apoquel's treated over 10 million dogs. nice. and...the talking dog thing? is it bothering you? no... itching like a dog is bothering me. until dogs can speak for themselves, you have to. when allergic itch is a problem, ask for apoquel. apoquel is for the control of itch associated with allergic dermatitis and the control of atopic dermatitis in dogs. do not use apoquel in dogs less than 12 months old

or those with serious infections. apoquel may increase the chances of developing serious infections and may cause existing parasitic infestations or pre-existing cancers to worsen. new neoplasias were observed in clinical studies and post-approval. most common side effects are vomiting and diarrhea. feeling better? i'm speechless. thanks for the apoquel. ahh, that's what friends are for. ask your veterinarian for apoquel. next to you, apoquel is a dog's best friend.

>> greg: is it time for dems to panic with captain biden steering the titanic? even cnn admits the dems midterms are the pits, so are democrats likely in endangered species, as biden's are likely full of -- [laughter] creases. or reese's pieces. order feces.

yesterday senior data reporter -- oh, senior, i bet he gets all of the chicks -- claimed to the two people watching that the dems are facing major losses in the midterm election. he crunched the numbers and concluded we are in for a red wave not seen in eight decades. >> i took best republican -- since 1938, guess what, since 1938, the republican two-point lead on the generic congressional ballot is the best position for republicans at this point in any midterm cycle in over 80 years. >> greg: 80 years ago. also marks the last time biden had a solid bowel movement. that was also when roosevelt was president, another democrat the media pretend it wasn't disabled. [audience reacts] i don't get it, what is bad? of course, the historic gains the republicans are poised to make are directly related to joe biden's unpopularity. polling for joe is sinking

faster than brian stelter in a hot air balloon. according to the ipsos poll, only 37% approve of biden's handling of the economic recovery and less of inflation and gas prices, more approve of exams with a -- what does joe have to say? >> no, no, you can trust those numbers on cnn, come on, man. you got to change the channel, get over to msnbc, there is a reporter on there, jen psaki, that is a news man. all objective reporting, give you everything you need to know. cnn, come on. this is a bunch of right wing white supremacists. [laughter] [applause] >> i want to meet the 28% of people who feel that joe biden is doing a great job with inflation. >> greg: those are all of hunter's hookers.

[laughter] >> only 28%? that's all i've got to say. >> greg: what are your thoughts, kat? >> yeah, obviously this is going to be something you think everyone would agree with because no matter how much money you have, you generally don't want it to be worth less. >> greg: yes, you get the same portion whether you're making $10 an hour or $50,000 in our, pab, what are your thoughts on this? >> it's the economy, stupid, as they always say. >> greg: why are you name calling me? >> you had it coming. >> thank you. yeah, you know, does the whole maslow hierarchy of needs where they say you have to have your basic needs met before you can go higher up. your basic need is food and safety. if you can't put food on the table, you are not worrying about what pronouns people are calling you. >> greg: you nailed it. you nailed it. [applause] wokism decided your basic needs

were below the stupid [bleep] about pronouns. >> that is because the woke don't have basic needs because the woke's parents everything for them. [applause] real quick, you better watch how you talk about soon to be brian stelter. you better watch that. what are you going to do? >> greg: i know. joining us now. >> it's amazing. donald trump looks great. [laughter] >> greg: it's going to be so fun. >> he will be a correspondent for tucker. >> greg: always right, i always felt that way. coming up, as the covid pandemic peters out, a new disease -- allergies don't have to be scary. spraying flonase daily stops your body from overreacting to allergens all season long. psst! psst! flonase all good. ♪ got my hair got my head ♪

introducing new one a day multi+. a complete multivitamin plus an extra boost of support for your immunity, brain, and hair, skin & nails. new one a day multi+. dad, when is the future? um, oh wow. um, the future is, uh, what's ahead of us. i don't get it. yeah. maybe this will help. so now we're in the present. and now... we're in the future. the all-electric chevy bolt euv with available super cruise™ for hands-free driving. - dad. - yeah? do fish get thirsty? eh. find new answers. find new roads. chevrolet. every once in a while, my heart can feel a little off. and even when it doesn't, i like to feel good about my heart health. that's why i have kardia mobile. kardia mobile is the only smart device in the world that is fda cleared to detect the three most common heart conditions in just 30 seconds.

and having one in your pocket not only gives you peace of mind, the doctor will thank you now. kardia mobile is proven to detect atrial fibrillation, one of the leading causes of stroke. it also detects bradycardia, tachycardia, and tells you when your heart rhythm is normal. you can use kardia mobile anywhere. it lets you put your health in your own hands. i didn't think anyone could be happier about that kind of independence than me. but my doctor is over the moon. thank you. feel good about your heart health with kardia mobile. order yours today at kardiamobile.com or amazon. ♪ ♪

>> greg: since covid no longer shocks, bring in the monkeypox. yeah, they are trying to prepare us for a new disease to scare

us, chin fish advice from the cdc, wear a mask and stay out of trees. so, the cdc raised the monkeypox alert to level 2 yesterday come upgrading from marmot set to baboon. reprimanding travelers wear masks to avoid catching it, but then they later removed the masked recommendation, probably after they realized it is primarily spread through skin to skin contact. that is putting it politely. there are three total advisory levels. one being the lowest and three the highest. they use this system because biden can no longer count to four. [laughter] now, this panic is being served up despite the fact most cases have been linked to random european raves, where the participant's lack of masks was not the highest risk behavior. fyi, the leather mask they gave out were completely useless. but i am still wearing mine around the house when i am dusting my figurines.

[laughter] in any case -- in any case, no one is more excited about all of this than anthony fauci, who spent the weekend ironing all of his shirts so they ask and back. what will he be wrong about this time? china eating monkeys? who knows. meanwhile the cdc's newest head doctor held a press conference to clear up any confusion. [laughter] [monkey noises] >> doctor, doctor, ken vaccinated people have be 27 with monkeys? can't you just wear masks while having sex with a monkey?

[monkey noises] doctor, what if i give you a banana first? then can we have sex? [monkey noises] [applause] >> greg: that might be the best thing we have ever done. [laughter] it is so hard to get scared of something that sounds so adorable. >> i disagree. on the one hand, i am not that worried about it. on the other hand, it is a pox, and that is like, ew. i am not a scientist but i did spend like three hours reading about it, and i don't want it. [laughs] >> greg: yeah, there are a lot of poxes out there. >> a pox, and you have to stay home for three weeks because your face is covered in pox. >> greg: i don't think it is

on your face. >> well... >> greg: from the pictures i saw. [laughter] that i took. >> there are conflicting reports and i just feel like statistics don't mean much to me when it comes to medical abnormalities. i will probably get the monkeypox. >> probably will -- >> probably. the one outlier. how did she get the pox? we don't know but she got a real bad. >> look behind you. >> greg: isn't it funny how the cdc could not say how to spread it because i would be politically incorrect? >> you are reading my mind. once you make medicine political, you can no longer give a message. this whole thing where doctors have to be soothing and kind and respect everyone's wishes and pronouns -- you are a doctor of science. say it. how do you get it? who needs to be most concerned with it?

and it is uncomfortable, and i am sorry, and if you get it, no one around you isn't going to know how you got it. you know? [laughter] [applause] >> greg: pab, welcome back to the show. let's talk about monkeypox. i think it is spread through anal sex with strangers you meet at a music festival. character, and? [laughter] >> looking at me. the cdc, why did they recommend masks in the first place? they know it is not airborne. in close, intimate contact there could be respiratory spread, but they are talking about intimate contact, so it just seems like they were spreading a panic by even telling people and they did it with the whole covid, saying

less than 10% of covid cases are transmitted outdoors, it turned out the actual number was .001%. technically it was accurate, but it is intellectually dishonest. >> greg: i don't like anyone ever died from outdoor exposure to covid. that just totally -- we could have done so much outdoor stuff at raves. [laughter] you know how many raves i missed because of the whole covid thing? the orangutans in london. we were just going to a party. >> look, i'm going to rewrite the cdc memo for everyone's benefit. step one: don't [bleep] a monkey. [applause] are you writing this down? this is gold, write this down. >> greg: step two out: don't have random sex at european raves. i don't know about u.s. raves. or latin raves.

but i'm pretty sure about the european ones. and i would close off the memo by saying, sincerely, mike. >> greg: if there's one thing we can say about you, mike, you are polite and you are sincere. >> i am. >> greg: up next, one hour stinks for reduce price.

♪ sweet ♪ ♪ emotion ♪ ♪ sweet... ♪ now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. ♪ sweet... ♪ i was injured in a car crash. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. i had no idea how much my case was worth.

i called the barnes firm. when a truck hit my son, i had so many questions about his case. i called the barnes firm. it was the best call i could've made. your case is often worth more than insuran call the barnes firm to find out i could've made. what your case could be worth. we will help get you the best result possible. ♪ the barnes firm, injury attorneys ♪ call one eight hundred,est resul eight million ♪

>> a story in five words. >> greg: we are short on time so here is a story in five words: happy hour should be extended. a new poll says happy hour -- you are old enough to remember the '70s. isn't happy hour kind of an old concept? >> it is a very old concept and after two years of pandemic is like all day [bleep] day drinking. i don't know who thinks you have happy hour at a set time anymore. >> greg: pab, who thought of this idea? after work, go to the bar, drink for a couple hours, go home, and get in a fight with your wife. that is a happy hour did. or if you are like me, i would just go home to an apartment and wake up on the couch, like the lights are on, there is stuff on the floor. dad hooker

>> what i thought was odd, the dates preferred for happy hour is tuesday, drinking for three hours on a tuesday. if i did that i would lose half of wednesday. then i thought about it more and used to have the 3-martini lunches everyone used to do, i guess it's not very different. >> greg: remember the drink, tyrus, harvey wall banger? sex on the beach? we were people back then. >> we were never together back then. [laughter] >> greg: true. >> this was started by the lonely guy. this is the friend who can get a girlfriend. he has no wife, he wants to keep all his friends longer. we extend an extra hour. no, bro, we have a family, we are going home. it is 6:00. i am out of. you go from the cool guy at happy hour to the creepy guy alone at the bar. >> greg: and always doing this with his ring. >> started a conversation with every waitress that walks by him and she is like, sir, you are

not ordered anything in two hours. look at the time, i have to get home to my monkey. [laughter] >> greg: yeah. you know, kat, you and i do share one hobby: we are huge fans of day drinking peered >> yes! >> greg: day drinking is so much better than night drinking because by the nighttime your sobered up, i could go for happy hour that starts at noon and ends at three peered >> day drinking is the best because you feel it is not dark outside, i t get into that much trouble. >> greg: exactly. >> no matter what you are actually doing. somehow it feels more okay. >> greg: it is funny to walk down a street while people are jogging. >> you are like yeah, what a loser. bettering yourself. ew. >> didn't you just describe brunch, gutfeld? >> greg: can you imagine if i did this showed drunk, how great it would be?

>> no. [applause] you all come back and see that. >> greg: we will be right back. ep she's the rock of the family. she's the person who holds everything together. it's a battle, you know. i'm going to be there. keytruda and chemotherapy meant treating my cancer with two different types of medicine. in a clinical trial, keytruda and chemotherapy was proven to help people live longer than chemotherapy alone. keytruda is used to treat more patients with advanced lung cancer than any other immunotherapy. keytruda may be used with certain chemotherapies as your first treatment if you have advanced nonsquamous non-small cell lung cancer and you do not have an abnormal “egfr” or “alk” gene. keytruda helps your immune system fight cancer, but can also cause your immune system to attack healthy parts of your body. this can happen during or after treatment and may be severe and lead to death. see your doctor right away if you have cough, shortness of breath, chest pain, diarrhea, severe stomach pain or tenderness, severe nausea or vomiting, headache, light sensitivity,

eye problems, irregular heartbeat, extreme tiredness, constipation, dizziness or fainting, changes in appetite, thirst, or urine, confusion or memory problems, muscle pain or weakness, fever, rash, itching, or flushing. these are not all the possible side effects. tell your doctor about all your medical conditions including immune system problems, or if you've had an organ transplant, had or plan to have a stem cell transplant or have had radiation to your chest area or a nervous system condition. it feels good to be here for them. living longer is possible. it's tru. keytruda from merck. ask your doctor about keytruda.

hi, i'm karen. i lost 58 pounds on golo ask your doctor and i've kept it off for over a year. it was so easy that the weight just kept coming off. that's when i knew that this is real. golo works. i still can't believe that i look like this. >> tech: cracked windshield? make it easy and schedule with safelite, because you can track us and see exactly when we'll be there. >> woman: i have a few more minutes. let's go! >> tech vo: that's service that fits your schedule. go to safelite.com.

>> singers: ♪ safelite repair, safelite replace. ♪ >> greg: we are out of time. thanks to pab! mike vapor. studio audience. "fox news @ night" is next. i'm greg gutfeld. i love you, america. [applause] ♪ ♪ >> shannon: hello, and welcome to "fox news @ night." i am shannon bream in washington. ♪ ♪ breaking tonight, just hours, the supreme court is set to issue a new round of opinions, including a possible decision on the future of abortion rights in the u.s. as homeland security issues a bulletin warning of a heightened threat environment over the next several months, monitoring the risk of both dom