most of us were looking for a water try not pass out, the president was delivering remarks on important issues as you saw. >> laura: the media seems to be groaning. watch your back. that was quite a spin job. that's it for us tonight and remember it's america now and forever. greg gutfeld and the gang are next. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> greg: so excited! happy thursday everyone! what a great show we have to ninth! but we always have a great show, don't leave? as regular as me after eatingseven bran muffins. there are people who take

genuine risks and errors of others who only pretend. yeah, she's a real nelson mandela. more like nelson from the simpsons. anyway, when we think of risks, we think of young and you guys taking chances, daredevil's, soldiers, seals teams, someone who will eat a bowl of chili before boarding a five hour flight. the opposite risk, the old, retired, sitting on the veranda sipping arnold palmer's. but now it's reversed. the old are the new young and the young are the new old. cancel culture has created a benjamin button effect in terms of older generations. we are taking more risks and that's the younger ones who aren't. here's john cleese talking about humor in risk-taking. >> love comedians now.

when they think of something, can i get away with that? i don't think so. he said that, she said that. that's the death of creativity. you're worried about offending people. you're not going to be very creative. i thick it has a disastrous effect. >> greg: monty python. indeed, the older guys battling the safe spacers whether it's john cleese, richard your rickye , you see j.k. rowling, john waters, these are all people taking actual risks against the group speak of wokeism. one other guy leading the pack and who could that be? ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] i hate it when the producers

flip that in. guys, really? stop it! these old parts are standing up to the mob just like frankenstein's monster instead of basic pitchforks, it smartphones. it's not the young, it's the old. it may be it's because wisdom or its relief factor. i prefer to call up balls. meanwhile, the young who must have every women cater to them like a bride on their wedding day. last night in minneapolis a club called first avenue canceled a show by dave chappelle citing public outcry. they got a silly letter from purple haired norm with a bmi of 158. the club caved to the most low risk nonsense, a change.org petition demanding not to platform transfer old dave chappelle, the petition reads dave chappelle has a record of being dangerous to trans people.

first avenue has an obligation to protect the community. directly filing first avenue's code of contact. if it was more full of, would be the floor back stage of the westminster's kennel club. does dave chappelle have a record of being dangerous to trans people? they are talking about like they found caitlyn jenner's bones in a crawl space under his house. by dave chappelle's being dangerous and he speaks his mind. that's real risk these days in the face of the faceless mob. he's the daredevil and like anybody who signs the petition. meanwhile, the man who tried to murder in l.a. was charged with misdemeanors. when you think men could give birth, then everything is backwards. so the delicate daffodils claim they must be protected, imitating real people with real risk like aoc and her invisible hand cuffs.

why not skip the show? how hard is that? the only danger they face if they went is that there's not enough room for the emotional support dogs. let's be frank. simply claiming your trans or nonbinary is not risky. it's not illegal, that's for sure. you doubled the movie roles and doubled the bathrooms. the media braces you like the new flavor of the intersexual ice cream. in the old days, young people did risky things. now they just write petitions, throw public tantrums, pick a pronoun for their twitter bridle. their only strong in a large group wearing a mask carrying a bike lock. but that petition works. it got dave chappelle booted beer to first avenue states we believe in that diverse voices in the freedom of artistic expression, but it's honoring that. we lost sight of the impact it would have.

we know there are some who will not agree with this decision. you're welcome to send feedback. here are some feedback, i hope your club goes under like one of ted kennedy states. [cheers and applause] yeah, you believe in the freedom of expression only of a oswald play that puts everybody to sleep. that's my theory, old people have now become the young people and young people to old. this feels like the right time for a skit. >> hey, grandma, just calling to make sure you're staying inside and -- getting just in case. >> don't be such a [bleep]. i can't rip the shots of tequila with masks on. >> plus drinking tequila is cultural appropriation. why don't you just stay inside,

eat some soup, watch jeopardy like we are? >> okay, boomer. why not save us a table at the early bird special. grandma and i have to go, it's hot girl's number and i'm taking pictures for her only fans. [applause] >> greg: as a young prefer security, the old are out taking risks. they're having fun commencing what they want. larry kudlow asked me to go hang gliding. in the. not again. now may be the old have left to lose her a lot more money but may be it's hard to be afraid of a guy with a [bleep]. the young people demand safety and conformity. remember this famous picture? white blm protesters surmounting a woman at branch demanding she raised her fist.

that says performance and risk free it gets. that's a lot of people who embrace the opposite of risk which is might makes right. why did they join the mob? maybe they're scared of the mob turning on them or they are doing what they think is popular like everybody who pretends to like npr. or maybe they like the power and attention. if or maybe they suck. in the old days, those who can't do, teach. those who can't do, cancel who can. it's obvious how they never make the public demands one on one. it safety in numbers and even if the numbers are a bunch of zeros. let's welcome tonight's guests! she'll leave her case in the car for a glass of pinot noir. fox news anchor, julie banderas!

his name is kash because he's always on the money! former white house security aide kash patel! he leaves woman in stitches because his jokes make woman/their wrists seems like a stick, skinny, sharp, fox news contributor kat timpf! so good to see you in one piece. not sure where you are. >> she was welcome to stay. >> never made it back to the hotel. >> greg: while you're going on the drunken binges. you're also raising young people. that makes you a hero.

are you raising them to take risks? >> a little bit, but i'm not raising like whiny woke brats. that's what i want to say. it's regardless to say, 150,000 tickets in fact, 1500 people bought tickets, 150. you've got 1% who cared about this and that's your way of doing it. instead of complaining don't go or maybe show up, catechol, the last time somebody stormed the stage at the dave chappelle show that went well. when's your next show? >> you just told people to run up on stage. >> greg: the people that signed the petition they weren't buying tickets. the story is the club is cowardly. what a bunch of losers.

[applause] i like applause because it eats into kat's time. sorry. kash. when did you say oh, no, oh four? >> no. i feel like i've got nothing to add to the dave chappelle conversation. >> i kind of lost respect for him when mayor bowser invited him out for the birthday party and mayor bowser at the time made everyone wear masks writing the next morning. and everybody was like what the heck? now people are complaining about their show getting canceled and i don't give a [bleep]. like i don't care, just stand up outside and do it. >> greg: you're mad at him because he wore a mask in d.c. >> because i wasn't allowed. >> greg: would you think about my theory that young people are now old people and old people are young people? >> what are like middle people? >> greg: thank you.

i think old by comparison, i'm in my early 40s. >> the good thing about me, thankfully i have my mother's genetics so i'm just going to stay young but you call me old. i don't know, are we going to fight now? i'm going to bring her in. >> greg: the kids always said i know karate. i know karate. karate never works, joe, you always got your -- kicked. you claimed to be a comedian and we have seen some evidence. feel free to comment on the chappelle thing. you can trash this whole thing like kash patel just did. >> i've had venues that canceled shows of mine but it was due to low ticket sales. i wasn't able to move it to the parking lot where we had a good time and i enjoyed the tips of

validating peoples parking. you made a good point that it was 160 or so people. it's an online petition. you can't even crumple it up. these venues, i think they could spare themselves instead of groveling of -- i didn't cause anybody harm. you want to pass off a bunch of crybabies who have a tremendous egos because if you don't want to go to the show, it's very simple. don't go. it's not enough, they want to make it so no one else can go. comedy is supposed to be upsetting and disturbing. it's supposed of violating your expectations and that's what makes people laugh. funniest comics like tim dillon, kyle dunnigan, they are really funny and they say things sometimes you left because you just don't know what else to do. >> greg: i said this that it's a compliment when you're finally being roasted.

you're now accepted as part of society but before i go to kat, why can't a club eat the cost of this? isn't there a contract involved? >> i think the cost is an emotional cost for the club that they have invested in being -- the idea -- >> greg: if you have a contract. i'm going to speak in florida this weekend and so i'm going to keep the money. like that should be the deal. if you cancel me, i'm going to keep the money. >> i do. >> it's not like water main broke. there is no act of clause if you're a [bleep] you don't have to pay. >> greg: kat, welcome to the show. >> thank you so much for having me. >> greg: excellent acting playing both the old and young woman in the same skit. >> thank you, i'm very talented.

>> greg: you are extremely talented. what do you think of that theory, do you believe it or would you rather undress the chappelle story? >> thank you for giving me a choice. >> greg: i'm pro-choice. >> something to wait, i think there's something to it and i just think the reality is all of it that there's no such thing that it's not possible. for these 150 people, apparently a safe space this one without dave chappelle in it. but dave chappelle safe space may be one where he doesn't get his work canceled a few hours before and move somewhere else. everything really is subjective. it's impossible but not going to keep yourself in the comforts all the the time because then you don't learn anything new or save the mike or gro as a person.

>> greg: if you create safe environments you do dangerous things. >> it's important that you do. >> greg: excellent. >> my apartment is. >> greg: up next, democrats propose a magic wand to fix what the policy spon. ♪ ♪

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>> greg: it shall be noted joe got covid. almost a rhyme the white house revealed the president has covid and is experiencing mild symptoms including chills, sniffles, not knowing who he is. [laughter] in other words, nothing has

changed. white house press secretary said for now he will work in isolation which should be easy considering that's how he spent his campaign. biden should recover from covid but with friends like these, his reelection plans are clearly doa. >> president biden held a controversial meeting with the crown prince of saudi arabia. >> biden said it wasn't of his palm, that was me trying to punch him as hard as i can. >> he 79, maybe that's how hard you can punch. >> stop asking him about the fist bump, ask him about the looming recession. >> i that dr. fauci says he plans to retire at the end of president biden's term. >> anything you'd like to announce too? >> greg: better late than ever my guys.

even though the jokes were as toothless as joe biden himself. a fling like rats from the titanic and you should know he was on board that disaster as well. officials unveiled that the president's safer american plan or sap, a massive refunding of the police. at the party that was all about defunding wants to spend $37 billion on crime prevention. biden's boldest move on paper. the proposed plan would help hire and train an additional 100,000 cops, invest $3 billion to clear court backlogs and another $5 billion in community a violent intervention programs. if a ocs provision for thousands of invisible handcuffs. yes. so, the dems are now pretending to be pro-cop when they're

trying to prepare what they destroyed when they were anti-cop. or maybe they are trying to help cori bush save money on private security. but maybe they're doing it to save their own. imagine dealing with somebody who destroys things in order to fix it. >> can i see? >> sure. >> wow. you know these are broken? >> you ruined them! >> let's not play the blame game. i can fix it if you would like. >> there you go! you're welcome! [applause] >> greg: those two pairs of sunglasses for the skit came out of our budget. >> that's how far budget. >> greg: do you care to

comment on the breaking news of covid or the police? >> i know, it's just all this -- >> greg: no more multiple choices okay? >> no, i just can't get over how we talk about this new stuff like the whole oil cancer thing didn't happen yesterday. i can't get over at! he said i have cancer from oil on my mom's windshield! 70 years ago! skin cancer too. like no, like some skin cancer -- that's not even close to what he said! like am i the only one that is still thinking about this? >> greg: the maybe that's why they announced covid. >> this article and looking it up in people wrote -- joe biden said he was affected by cancer. he did not say that! he said i have oil cancer!

[laughter] to me, i think it's a really big sign of how crazy things have gotten when i looked at twitter for hours last night about the oil cancer. a lot of people like does he have cancer or not? how crazy is it the president's like i have cancer and we're like what does this mean? other people were like regardless of your political values, we have to agree that cancer is the scariest things and thoughts and prayers to biden's oil cancer. >> greg: she went with choose your own adventure. >> i'm not willing to move on from the announcement of oil cancer! and being ghastly by the administration that i should not be having this type of reaction. >> greg: it's a fair point because if trump said anything like that, could you imagine the interpretations? >> if i sent anything like that! >> greg: that is true.

you okay now, kiddo? speak out i say >> if i say i havecancer, i will. >> greg: you really are a dark human being. fairly big news, do you think it will affect his job? >> at this point it can only improve his performance. i think he should turn himself over to the virus. i think you'll be a tough one to bring down. he beat the 1918 flu, that didn't stop him. kat mentioned, he kicked cancer in 24 hours. that's unheard of. he's got the best people around him taking care of him. nice hot bowl of soup.

look at the immune system, look at his son hunter. i bet if you put a on hunter, it would inflate like a balloon animal with the power and him. he's going to be fine. countries in a lot of trouble, but joe's going to be fine. >> the other thing too, kat, you're lucky to be married to a doctor. >> that's why he got cured so fast. she was like reading it from one of her books. i'll comment on the police. i'll take it as a former federal prosecutor. cops, no-brainer. they've been defunding them so much they may know set up a program that does nothing. a prince money to the federal government now we have fake money in balloons going up in smoke and

just saying that you're attacking a problem that you created by not -- >> greg: i didn't realize that. which is the money go? >> you have to apply for a giant grant, you have to pay lobbyists and go to doj, make them did not investigate hunter biden, then you get $100 billion in return. it's a total [bleep] scam. >> greg: i would do that for that money. i'm not even -- i'm not -- i'm not sure what he is at this point. as a profession. >> i don't really know it either. that's why you can charge so much. >> greg: julie, you are the face of news here. >> that's why i think i should address the news we are knockint testing about jill biden. she tested negative, good for her, thank god. but i will say this, as a spouse

of a husband who formerly had covid, i've got advice for her. run like. of while the covid variant is like a cold for a female, it's insufferable man slayer. if in i had a trip planned and in the morning of the flight, guess what? the husband tested for covid and he was positive. he went to the airport and i headed out. this is an excellent opportunity for social distancing responses across the country is when i say and that's way back in april. undo it for a new vacation >> greg: monkeypox, all right. that's funny. oh, kash. thank god you're not in government anymore.

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>> greg: best video ever! i came up with that title. [laughs] no one's ever thought of it. a woman with a grudge explodes and a judge. it's time for a best video ever when we show you the best video ever. i'm your host renee. michigan woman is suing richard jordan for $10,000 for standing her up. she claims he intentionally and deliberately hurt her when he didn't show up for a date in 2020. at the played out on zoom but the poor guy was wondering why he was even there. >> to be honest with you sir, i thought this was going to be thrown out.

we had a date, one date and nothing else after that. now i'm being sued for $10,000. i think it's a waste of your time. >> greg: he seems reasonable. please run for president. went off the rails when the judge tried to school the plaintiff on the definition of perjury when she claimed the guy wrote a letter filled with lies. >> in the letter he lied and that's what brought forth the perjury. it was never a perjury in the beginning, it was perjury after his response. if he responded and his response is a lie, it's perjury, then my documents will prove that he lied -- >> no, no, no, no, no. first of all, do you understand what perjury is? >> perjury as a lie! >> no, perjury is a statement a false statement made under oath. you don't understand.

a false statement made under oath, under oath. >> are we done here? >> you don't understand, ma'am. >> are we done here? >> perjury, perjury -- >> greg: [laughs] i love the face shield coming off! she almost got contempt of court via zoom. the judge moved a case to another court and sentenced a man to death. which is better than the second date with that crazy lady. [laughter] all right. i was so scared of doing this, kat, i was just assuming she's going to sue us too. that's the greatest videos of all time. >> i did not know you could sue for being stood up. i would be loaded right now. like 16 years, i got stood up

like every other week. >> greg: you're an upbeat personal guy. i can see you at a dinner date, why did we choose this restaurant? it sucks. when i was a prosecutor, i.e. at better places. >> i know you love me. >> greg: i barely tolerate you. >> great start. >> greg: the judge was so polite. really put up with a lot. >> i encourage everyone to watch the entire video. that doesn't even give you a taste of what that woman was capable of. i admit i had a soft spot because that's also my dad's name. at first i thought why is she wearing a face shield on a zoom court? just pushed to the point where

he angrily has to remove the face shield. i think this guy should say, look, if it's ten grand to get the woman out of my life, that's a bargain. >> greg: she might be hot, it's hard to tell though. julie, when i was watching this, i was thinking this is a perfect example of people who learn everything from courtroom tv shows. she kept hearing the word perjury and then it was like oh, must be lying in everyday life. >> i think this is a very big learning lesson from them. you need to assume if you're single, any one single, assume every woman is crazy, okay? than the juror, assume that you're guilty until proven innocent. in other words you do not go for a second date because she will find you and you know as a single person i identify as a straight male, but you talk to any of my ex-boyfriends it's true. a couple came to my wedding where they either were lost or

dodged a bullet. >> greg: by the grace of god do i. i never knew what that meant until now. she should have shouted you're out of order, perjury! >> i honestly think she's a winner. she wanted a second date. the court date. [laughter] [applause] as a michigan woman myself, i really appreciate her never giving up. like i've not done this but it goes along with my life philosophy of your never truly blocked. i was seeing this guy a few years ago and he ended the date with me and block me on everything or so i thought. i started sending him $1 on venmo over and over again. in the section i was telling him how i feel.

>> greg: wow, that's really clever appeared >> we did get back together but that was not a win for me. >> how much did you send him? >> no, like in singles. you can write a lot there. you're never truly blocked >> greg: i've never heard of that. >> that's because you're not as smart as i am. [laughter] >> greg: insult the host. let's see if you're on tomorrow. [laughter] >> i will be. and if you try to get rid of me, i will find you. [laughter] >> greg: coming up! stop being specific and that's when activists think it's terrific. ♪ ♪ u're never responsible for unauthorized

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in scientist listen to wokisms say, a woke anthropologist complains about generating remains. stop classifying human remains by their race because we have no way of knowing how they identify while they were alive. that caveman preferred to be called a nonmenstrual rater. one group trends task for claims they have a database of people who are -- remind me not to be murdered on halloween. it lest i get ideas as nurse as for race, one claimed in might and efforts due to entrenched racial bias. if there's one thing people hate

it's being entrenched. if that makes no sense that identifying them may make them harder to identify? you know, they say don't argue with a crazy person and how else is the cow going to convinced me to put on my pants. joe, if you die and that will happen, i can assure you. not soon i hope. [laughter] will you care, will you care what your identified as? >> usually when they find human remains are identified as dead. they've got other things on their mind, more important. this is such a silly thing because i get annoyed with the activists because they like to swap when they say identity when they mean biological sex. if they move the words around so if you want to say biological sex is what you are born as, well, that's in your dna, that's in your bones, that can't be changed. if your gender identity, that's a completely different story.

this doesn't help the case because you're trying to find someone who is a victim of a crime. you can't say the dna is variable, it's not. they are not the case. >> greg: julie, why don't they just have a seance? >> i thought this story was fascinating and the first thing that came to mind when i read the article, i swear to god this is true. i feel bad for necrophilia acts necrophilia acts. >> greg: all really? >> that's a hot take. >> i never heard someone say they feel sorry for necrophilia. >> it's quite confusing. >> greg: you're on the hard new side of fox. thank god your boss doesn't watch this. [laughs] kat? >> when i think about the things i worry about when it comes to death, my bones being the standard thousands of years later doesn't even make the list. i worry about being dead like

that sucks. and then i can't even read all the social media posts about how your irreplaceable because you're dead. >> greg: do that before your you die! >> i know! >> greg: i'm going to have everybody going to talk about how great i was gone must kash, you're going to be weeping like a little girl. >> i'm going to push the crate into the water, i'm going to be the guy that likes the arrow. and then i'm going to turn around and be the guy that went around and went on "gutfeld!." do you moonlight as an anthropologist? where did you get all of this? i'm very smart. >> greg: we've got to move on. up next, a class on the guy from one direction hold up to inspection?

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a story in 5-hertz. one year of the story and five were to be a core college course about harry styles of yoga so, cat, texas state university is offering an honors course about harry styles starting in the spring of 2023. do you find him attractive? >> actually, no periods british.

[laughter] >> greg: okay, fair enough. is the kind of class helper? >> no, because it says in the description students will be required to create their own podcast. we don't need any more. >> greg: [laughs] are you jealous that there is no course called kash patel? >> there is about to be. you are about to teach at. i had no idea this guy was a real. i thought it was like a term people throw around. >> greg: check out that harry style. >> that make sense because he's from england. >> greg: he wears a skirt. it's not like a cool skirt like a kilt, it's an actual ladies could. julie, he wears ladies clothes. >> are they hire? like in watermelon sugar? >> greg: you know one song by

one direction? >> no, watermelon sugar high? and that too is with, one direction? or i just know that one song, watermelon sugar high. i'm not going to go into it. as if our youth aren't screwed up enough, another going to have this course to teach them about celebrities -- exactly, and it's an honors course which is even more pathetic. i want to go back to school because i never made the honor roll. i don't know if that comes as a shock to you, but i would love to come back. in the world culture, men aren't masculine anymore, right, greg? >> greg: no, masculinity is toxic. its toxic, joe. like when you have to sit next to julie for an hour. >> tell me about it. >> greg: you can get a contact high off of her. anyway. >> i have toxic masculinity but it is very low dose. over time, it builds up.

if this is an honors class, were not given a dime to student loan forgiveness. [applause] i want to know, the student to take this class, do they also have to balance the budget, do they know how to fix the toilet, do they know how to change the tire air corps employed to guess in the venn diagram of people can do that in the venn diagram of the people who take this class, never the twain shall meet. >> greg: i love the use of the word twain. we got to move on, but before i go, i want to get a vote from the audience, should i post on instagram picture of my wart that's been removed? [cheers and applause] i'm going to get a lot of calls. >> pictures of yourself naked

below the belt. >> greg: it's on my finger. i had burnt off yesterday. what am i doing? [laughter] don't go away, we'll be right back.

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your future is ahead of you, so it's time to make the most of it with kisqali. because when you invest in yourself, everyone gets the best of you. she won the art of time, thanks to julie banderas, kash patel, joe devito, our studio audience. i love you, america. ♪ ♪ >> shannon: hello and welcome to speed "fox news @ night," i'm shannon bream in washington. breaking tonight, the january 6 committee is wrapping up its public airing schedule for now with another prime time tonight on the actions of former president trump, what happened and what the committee alleges was 187 minutes of inaction is the attack on the capital and fold it. those questions tonight,