polluting, up to 100 balloons as well as live music, funders, fireworks and great food. that's how fox reports this saturday, july 23 of 2022. i am jon scott. for spending part of your evening with us. gutfeld is up next. ♪♪ >> laura: interesting. ♪ ♪ >> greg: all right. hello, america. by now you've heard aoc among others were arrested last night. she truly is an american hero. it was brutal. taken out in cuffs. technically her shirt had cuffs.

maybe french cuffs. she did surrender without fighting. if her pants had cuffs she would have pretended to be a leg irons. real handcuffs, not so much. that didn't stop her from pretending. i hate it when people do this to me. when i asked people to put on handcuffs and they say "i'll just pretend i have them on." i would be like short, and i will pretend to pay you after. [laughter] i think dana just went into an arrhythmia. yes, i pay people to wear handcuffs. she did this because she knew the media would obey. let's watch the tape. >> abortion rights are under attack. what do we do?

>> greg: she would be a great mime. like the latina version of marcel marceau. here she is later in her jail cell. of course aoc was mocked on social media for imitating being handcuffed which is a change for her usual change from being mocked by imitating a congresswoman. that's not even being as close to as disgusting as i can be. she was gingerly escorted alert to a holding area. she raised her fists to supporters. then she crossed her wrists enough oh handcuffed position. as tall a tale as aoc nearly being killed january 6. a person never met a generation she could make about her. she really is the amber heard of d.c. politics. i am surprised she didn't claim she was nearly killed on 9/11 or

during the tet offensive or the battle of bunker hill. or that she dodged a bullet when lincoln asked her to shut up at ford's theater. you know what, i get it. nothing makes you cooler than getting arrested for taking a stand. you know, i should do that. >> hi there. does your week repetition need a boost from a criminal situation? introducing fake arrest reputation transformation. we will overhaul your image by arresting you for cool crimes in front of your friends and family. unlike my ex-wife's diet pills, we actually get results. this into our satisfied customers. >> as you see our quarterly numbers of 2% exceed our forecast of 1.944%. >> hold it right there. you're under arrest for legal drag racing. running an underground fight club and exceeding the maximum donation to the salvation army. let's go.

>> screw you, pig. >> such badass. >> i want him to get me pregnant. >> me too. >> greg: i don't think that is a real number. i do not blame aoc at all. she knows that she can play the media because he so desperately need her to play the public. it's like bob so you're saying the classic song night moves. i used her. she used me but neither one cared. we were getting our share. it's like that picture of the border agent that went crazy viral. the agent webb's migrants. the media screamed in unison like the tabernacle choir stubbing their toes at the same time. biden said he would get to the bottom of it like it was the afternoon bowl of cream of wheat. one adults inform the press, the story went away. without one correction. in a move that would make kafka

say this situation is my namesque. thank you. jim said it was a good joke. they punished the agents even after they were found innocent. trump was supposed to be the dictator. the story isn't about them or the squad. it's about the media of course who choose to admit facts to create and preserve their narrative. what you are seeing is kabuki news where participants play act and the media pretends it's real and then amplifies it to the public. it is constant and it only flows in one direction for today thankfully with help, savvy consumer can see right through it. who can you thank for that? ♪ ♪ i expected more applause but

okay. most americans now know that what the media presents isn't real but artificial representations of the hidden story. it is like the trash can on your laptop screen. it's not really a trash can. you aren't really dragging that incriminating photo and throwing it away even when it makes it really cute sound. but it wants you to think it is. it's all just symbols numbers ending actions going on behind the user interface that we never actually ever see. what you do see however is what they allow you to see. there's a lot of other stuff going on behind the scenes. who knows how many cryptic texts, emails and bodily fluids are exchanged between journalists for such favorable coverage. that is the news. how the news presents the news. example of this photo. border patrol agent on horseback. a black migrant, a whip. that's all you need, the media thinks, so they blew it up but they have those images is the truth they will tell you because it's too much work and it betrays their aims. what was the story behind the

story? the border patrol agent is doing his job that the government want to, protect the border. the whip is a rain used to control the horse. the black migrant is an illegal aliens and agents are looking out for his health too. that is the story behind the images. the same thing with the squad's protest. it's clear so why bother tell you the truth. tv picture is worth 1,000 words. it's a thousand times more powerful when none explained in its proper context. whether it's "the new york times" or cnn they use images falsely derivative the reality that often isn't the reality at all. the same thing with more. legit suffering and rubble. i'm sorry, i'm confusing with what i see in kat's office. you better not question what's going on behind the image. how did we get here. can it be stopped? no, shut up and enjoy the slideshow he put together for you. people are catching on. the confidence in the media is almost down to zero. we call it the jesse watters

effect. [laughs] he can't hear you. that's the good thing because it will hopefully lead to new things. fox news came about from a dissatisfaction over the monolithic leftist media. remember, necessity is the mother of invention. well, unless it identifies as a dad. let's welcome tonight's guests. she wants went over niagara falls on the thimble. most of them -- cohost of america's newsroom and the five, dana perino. yesterday was his birthday. happy 70th, jim. jim norton. his friends call him d.j. mix because his clothes are always half off.

rob smith. finally, she is like a mop, sometimes damp, can often be found in the maintenance closet. fox news contributor, kat timpf. dana, thanks for coming on the show. i get to see you twice today. >> dana: your lucky day. >> greg: it is my lucky day. we discussed this on "the five." there has been news. >> greg: from there to here, i found out a little something. initially i thought this is something that the democrats cooked up as they were having their coffee break but you know we should go to the supreme court and trying to get arrested and tried to get in the news again. it turns out actually there was a progressive dark money group and asked all these women democrats to go over and get arrested on behalf of the cause. what is the first thing that aoc did, put out a fund-raising

email. you have to wonder, what do you get in return for being fake arrested in this situation. he get the adoration from some in the media but you'll get the ridicule but then she even turns the ridicule into a way to make money. hats pretty smart. >> greg: she is the donald trump of the left. give her credit. >> dana: she said in her instagram video she wanted to be helpful and she said this is actually what you're supposed to do to not escalate the situation when you're being detained and arrested. however, i checked with the aclu and they say no, this is not what you do. i've never been arrested. you probably find that hard to believe. i never had to look up this information before but now i have it. according to the aclu, how to reduce risk to yourself, stay calm, don't run, resist or obstruct officers. do not lie or give false documents and keep your hands where the police can see them. don't put them behind your back. so now i feel like i can get

another day out of the story tomorrow. >> greg: that was fantastic. you are like a cub reporter. you could do hard news anytime you like. unlike me. jim, happy birthday. >> jim: thank you very much, greg. >> greg: did you do anything special and today involve handcuffs? >> jim: no. and you still owe me money for putting them on. not to mention cleaning off my gimp suit. aoc, for a long time i thought that she was a phony performative video but i stand corrected. i saw her with the tax the rich dress. this gal is not afraid nothing. i admire aoc. she takes it to the people. >> greg: she really does. i said she is kind of the left-wing version of trout.

of trump. they have a similarity and they know it's the year. he puts on a show and so did she. >> jim: when your hands are cuffed behind your back, don't forget what you're doing and go like that. >> greg: true, true. rob, would you consider this a real arrest? >> rob: it is not a real arrest. true story and my radical leftist days, i was arrested in washington, d.c. >> greg: what were you protesting? >> rob: i was protesting the don't ask, don't tell law. it >> greg: that is strange for a straight guy like you. >> rob: i am a big ally for the cause. >> greg: so much so that you have sex with men. >> rob: absolutely. as much as i can. [laughter] i'm going to bring it back. it was arrested protesting and it wasn't a big hollywood

production. i was thrown in the back of the thing and they put the handcuffs on and i spent a night in jail and it was all bad. this is the thing about the situation. the video that came that exposed her from the back raising their fists. one was from her own official campaign account. i saw that by watching a fox news clip in the greenroom. it said credit @repaoc. that can't be her real twitter account? it is. >> greg: ilhan omar was doing the hand behind her head and there were no cops nearby. >> dana: her press office confirmed she was handcuffed. so they are liars too. >> greg: kat, you think they were mad they weren't actually handcuffed? >> kat: yeah. i agree. i feel like even saying she was arrested. it's kind of like, you talk to anyone, i lived in spain. then you find out they did a semester study abroad. you lived there but in a dorm

with a roommate from connecticut. so it's technically true that she was arrested. but the events were that she was taken to another area. she had hold of her i.d. for the photo. pay 50 bucks. walk over there, show your i.d., pay 50 bucks. for her, that's an arrest. it's the same thing that you do when you go to a beer garden for the afternoon. i think it's technically true but the word makes it seem like it was more than it was. >> greg: that makes me think of all the things that i did as a quote journalist that was just -- i drove in a monster truck i tell people. >> kat: you are a monster truck driver. >> greg: because i spent one hour. in iowa on a monster truck. phony. >> jim: i am a porn star because i spend ten seconds

making love. >> greg: perfect analogy. before he go, tickets are available for my book tour. i will be in connecticut octobe. go to ggutfeld.com for tickets. are we destined to lose wars because we can't fit new recruits through doors among my patients, i often see them have teeth sensitivity as well as gum issues. does it worry me? absolutely. sensodyne sensitivity & gum gives us the dual action effect that really takes care of both our teeth sensitivity as well as our gum issues. there's no question it's something that i would recommend.

>> greg: welcome back. our criminal teens to round to ever be army bound? the u.s. army is easily one of my ten favorite armies. the kiss army is number one. cuts in the total number of expected soldiers over the next two years.

thanks to unprecedented challenges in recruiting. unprecedented. it sounds like the white house. in your face, biden. a little play on words, very little. officials say there will be 10,000 short and it could get worse. it is the biggest shortage of quality men since kat was single. i don't know if that is a compliment. >> kat: it's just true. >> greg: recruiters blame the pandemic, competition from private companies, overall fitness of young people who found serving your country not as appealing as servings of onion rings. the only department that is fully staffed as the one teaching critical race theory. that is a joke but nobody laughed. as the pentagon found in recent years, 76% of 17 to 24-year-olds are either too obese to qualify or have other medical or criminal histories that would make them ineligible to serve without a waiver. to combat this, the military

started offering signing bonuses, better pay, lowering enlistment standards. they are also considering expandable takes for a more relaxed fit. i should end there. it's funnier than the joke i was going to make. rob. as a hot veteran, how can -- >> rob: so hot. so hot. >> greg: how concerned are you that the recruiting problem will only make people less attractive in the military? >> rob: look. i would rather there be less ugly people in the world so obviously that's fine. i did two tours and when i went in, the thing about it is, they are lessening the standards. they are making it easier. i think there is less sit-ups you have to do. thus push-ups you have to do. all of that other stuff that's going to make america less safe and i have to tell you i haven't always been, i've not always have this crippling physique.

military, i was actually very heavy and they shipped me off to a little portion called stu. they called it fat, tired, and new useless. i had to lose weight before i went to basic training. >> greg: that is the best point. they shouldn't be rejecting them. they should be helping them. they should. >> rob: i was a fat kid in the military waved me in shape and it is not doing anything to lower the standards. >> greg: kat, you are extremely fab before you became a navy seal. >> kat: a lot of people don't know that. >> greg: i know. i know. do you think this is a problem or do you think may be the future is that we have -- we don't need as many troops because of drones and maybe we have less wars. maybe that's a start. i don't know. >> kat: at that we are going

to have robots fighting wars. we can have robots fighting wars and we can be fat. that is a huge number. it's a huge number. i guess i haven't been to high school lately. >> greg: i wish i could say that. >> kat: apparently things have changed. >> greg: okay. i sound like a broken record. i do feel like the kids, they are supersized. 3:00. when you see them get out and they are walking. it is kind of interesting. jim, i have a theory. they take criminal records. overweight. what intersects on marijuana usage? there's no question if you smoke pot or do edibles, you put on a lot of weight. i don't know, you don't do drugs or alcohol. >> jim: no but i think drug should be allowed in the military. one way to get people to fight.

give them a line of coke and say go. >> greg: didn't they do that in world war ii with methamphetamines for pilots? i feel like they did that. >> jim: i don't know. it wouldn't surprise me. i've never heard that. >> rob: there needed to be none of that around when i had my machine gun. >> greg: you can have coke. the guy you were supposed to attack. instead you will be talking to the enemy about your screenplay. >> rob: and then he did that and then i he did this. oh, my god. great idea. >> greg: dana. >> i ate a lot of sugar. >> dana: is that what they call it? >> greg: that's what they call it. booger sugar.

you've never heard that before? >> dana: no. >> greg: definitely. >> dana: i have also never been arrested. >> greg: didn't you protest the height requirements of disneyland? i have three tours to disneyland. tina, try to inject some -- >> dana: one thing we haven't talked about enough and this is a topic we could revisit. our adversaries are not worried about recruits because they have all the recruits and they make them do it. and the chinese are making all the robots. that's not a good thing. we can't rely on the robots. we haven't talked enough about the woke influence in the military. mike gallagher has been a stalwart saying it's not encouraging people to go into the military. i found a stat you might like. when top gun first came out there was a 500% increase in recruitment to the navy. it was cool. >> greg: tom cruise opened up his own recruitment office at his house.

>> dana: ask rob if that's true. >> rob: i was knocked in the navy. apparently those guys get a lot of action. >> greg: has gone off the rails. >> kat: as a navy veteran, that has been my experience. [laughter] >> rob: one more thing. to serve in the military is to serve the country and the fact we have taken such an anti-american stance over the past ten years, he really to people not wanting to do it. >> greg: that is so true. the combination of factors. same thing, what you said about woke's m. wouk is a myth anti-american. at its core it's about destroying the country. he put those two things together. why would you fight for this country that you believe is the land of oppression? i would. i love oppression. right around my neck. up next, the left goes further up next, the left goes further off the rails

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>> greg: hello. wokesters rename a wizards game. were j.k. rowling's tweets to blame for a fake sport changing its name? i speak of quidditch. the fake sport made popular by the harry potter series but also my nickname when i garden topless. the game has been brought to real life by college nerds with no girlfriends before they become comedians. organizations that manage quidditch are changing the name to quad ball in part to the simpson themselves from j.k. rowling and her so-called anti-trans comments. it's somewhat ironic people erasing women added a ball to the named. the name of quidditch and its relationship to j.k. rowling carries a stigma that no longer aligns with the missions and

values of the international quidditch association. it's funny. hopefully these young folks can also move past the stigma of still being virgins. rowling has taken issues with issues. defending the concept of biological sex. the international quidditch association, u.s. quidditch and majorly quidditch ditched the old name because warner bros. holds the trademark. before you get upset, remember none of this is real. like the notion that men can have babies. the good news is, new sports are invented all the time. >> hey, charlie. me and the guys invented this awesome new sport and we are starting a league. >> can i join? what's it called? >> sucker punch.

>> welcome to the team. >> greg: you have been a large financial supporter of the trans community. >> rob: i have. i put many trans women through college. >> greg: i just wanted to ask that question. do you think this is fair? does it make any sense? >> rob: is a big fan of this board, i've been lobbying for a long time. the should change the name to "this game sucks." quad ball sounds like a groin injury you get plain quidditch. it is more language nonsense. it's like changing the name baseball because ty cobb sharpen his spikes and drove them into people. it's dumb.

>> greg: dana, they won't let go of j.k. rowling. isn't it kind of amazing? >> dana: . imagine saying i came up with the stupid game in the first place. you can't quit me. i quit you is what she would probably say. i like to do research for the show. everyone, do not google quad ball. okay? >> jim: what she really means is go google quad ball right now. >> dana: . don't do it. >> jim: i want to google it. >> greg: i am looking at during the break. i don't have to google it. i just look in the mirror. kat, do you have the athletic skills to excel at quidditch? >> kat: no. i also wasn't allowed to read or watch harry potter because my mom said it was evil.

it's true. be careful. they are saying that they want to change the name because they want to distance themselves from harry potter. i can't imagine the group of people that want to distance themselves from harry potter less thin people who played quidditch. they need to. they seem like people who simply cannot. who is this for? >> greg: exactly. i don't know anything about the rules. i never learned. this is something i refused to learn about. they think j.k. rowling has disturbing attitudes about trans, what did they think about the people who invented soccer? do you think they are going to be pro-trans. people who invented any sport. >> rob: probably not for you said j.k. rowling said fu, f you to that letter a few power

that's how much money she has. people have to realize she is the first woman who actually put herself on the line to speak up for biological sex. unlike a lot of the other ones, the macy gray fiasco a couple weeks ago, j.k. rowling has never ever ever backed down and she never will back down. this is the hill she is dying on. it's only people she made famous, the harry potter kids the distance themselves from her. the people who create this world out of something she created, they are distancing themselves. more power to her for not backing down. >> greg: this would be a good monologue. it's weird how the risk ratio or whatever you call it has flipped. older people are more willing to take risks. younger people have turned into

these weird puritans. like john cleese. talking about comedy. all of these older comedians are saying the same thing. what is wrong? >> jim: where's the loyalty? all these people. she made you a star. i'm pinching my way into you, so whatever you say goes. you can never lose me. i don't care what you stand for and what rallies you go for. team gutfeld all the way. >> greg: i have an ally. we have to move on. we have to move on. coming up ( ♪♪ ) favorite partner. crushing topspin. and leg cramp relief. giving it your all? make sure you have the right partner by your side. hyland's naturals leg cramps quick dissolve tablets. no water needed. no stomach upset. just fast, effective relief.

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>> greg: kat has a heating pad. because the studio socal. agatha christie.

the guy behind the coffee chain thinks crime has gone insane. the starbucks ceo says woke pandering has got to go. no leaked video which is a video i watched while taking a leak, starbucks ceo howard schultz is heard blaming local leaders and liberal cities like seattle and l.a. for allowing crime to get so out-of-control that control that he has had to close 16 profitable stores. he's also planning to donate unsold stale scones to people who like to eat rocks. >> in my view, the local, state, and federal level, these governments across the country and leaders, mayors and governors and city council, have abdicated their responsibility in fighting crime and addressing mental illness. >> greg: sounds like we can

get extra froth from his mouth. that's kind of gross. it sounds like he has rabies. turns out java junkies don't like chilling in the glorified homeless shelter or getting robbed by actual junkies while working on their screenplays. reports have found that starbucks staffers feel unsafe at work and that the bathrooms which company policies allows anyone to use have become disgusting dens of debauchery where vagrants go to use drugs. if they change the policy again, jim, will you go back to hanging out in bathrooms at the park? >> jim: it all depends. they throw me out when i am trying to drill a hole through the wall. it's a periscope. starbucks deserves what they get. didn't they ask cops to leave their arizona store. minnesota somewhere, babies didn't want to work there was

police outside. then they are shocked when a mentally ill person runs in an defecates on the counter. howard schultz stinks. >> greg: it's a great point because i would love -- if i had a coffee shop, rob. which is not to say i won't. it's a free country. >> rob: it could be called gutfeld. >> greg: may be. i was thinking central perk. the thing is one of the great things about having to -- your coffee shop, nothing bad is going to happen. >> rob: i don't know what everybody is so worried about. i love seeing crackhead pipes while i get my cappuccino. it's very entertaining. the ceo can complain about the stuff but like jim said, they are the ones who bow down to the woke crowd come all this other stuff. not only do people -- people in

the districts. also starbucks from the top, every woke saying that the twitter mom wants, they do corporate so this is coming back to bite them in the you know what. in the scone. >> greg: they lack the scones. to stand up to the woke. dana, i seem to remember that's the case. i don't want to say it's too late. >> dana: i think it's great. howard schultz ran for president for 5 minutes. you talked about it on "the five," seen the consequence of things. it's not a terrible thing if eyes are being opened up. this is when it starts to happen. when money is at stake. these stores are not profitable. at the end of the day, the guy wants to make money. workers are not safe. they are only closing 16. i bet there's more that want to. plus he's facing a lot of pressure for unionization among some of these new woke employees. i bet he's thinking maybe it's time to get out of the coffee

business and into the marijuana business. >> greg: there you go. >> dana: not that i even know what that is. >> greg: nor will you ever. jim, it's kind of infuriating. we have talked about the crime stuff. going on two years. now they care because financially, as you said, it is starting to impact the bottom line. it's like, i'm not a very feeling person but at least i cared about the victims. i don't know. they are democrats. he's a democrat! he is supposed to care. kat. what do you say to any of this? >> kat: excellent question. >> greg: that is the worst question i think i've ever asked you. >> kat: that's also not true. he is saying maybe he might have to undo the open bathroom thing. i was all over that. i knew it will be bad. this is what he said back in

2018. "we don't want anyone at starbucks to feel as though we are not giving access to you to the bathroom because you are less than pure and we want you to be more then. "okay. people are still going to shoot up drugs. they are. >> greg: do you like your coffee? >> kat: i don't like anything. >> dana: i don't drink coffee. i drink tea. i do love the tall iced black tea. that's really good. it's also $6. but all the starbucks around enclosed. because of covid. >> greg: you know what i liked. i liked their mini lunches. apples, peanut butter, pita, almonds. i felt like i was on a flight but there was no plane. >> rob: the only thing i had from starbucks, they have these lemonade smoothie things.

they have 800 grams of sugar. sometimes when i need that jolt in the afternoon, i pound back one of those. they are about $14. >> jim: when i like is if they are out of stirrers, you can pick a needle up off the floor. >> greg: nice. nice. yeah, junkie humor. the kids are in bed. >> rob: i am not supposed to do that? [laughter] >> greg: that's how you got the monkeypox. >> rob: do not say that our national television. i do not have monkeypox. >> kat: we found the line. >> greg: we crossed it. up next, new yorkers river the job he

>> a story in five words. >> greg: here is a story in five words. this [bleep] [cheers and applause] kat, the news came out last night bill de blasio announced the end of his new york

congressional bid. citing a lack of support. are you surprised? >> kat: also the first time i heard about his congressional bid. i live here and i work in the news. i don't think it was really catching that much heat. >> greg: he had one. i think he got 1% of democrats. >> kat: i am surprised. this is a self-awareness that we have never seen him really have before. >> greg: he actually said i think the public doesn't want me to run. >> kat: that has never stopped them before. >> greg: he is the thickest skin and the thickest skull. >> jim: he looks like a herman monster puppet. what he should do if he has self-awareness he would go wow, i suck and nobody likes me. he reminds me of a guy with bad breath at a party who still walks around thinking he's going to get laid. go home, bill. >> greg: he probably has bad breath but he is so tall that no

one knows. right over your head. that's why i have to keep my teeth minty fresh because i talk up to people, dana. what do you think? >> dana: the good thing for him, he didn't have to rewrite a speech. multiple opportunities. he dropped out of running for president after three days. nobody wants me to run for president. okay. he was the worst mayor in the world. it's a race to the bottom right now. someone is going to win it. >> greg: raised to the bottom. never what you think it is. he still says he wants to serve. why not get a job? >> rob: bill de blasio gets dumped more than me. everyone in america thinks i have monkeypox. >> kat: every man in america does watch this show. >> rob: this is the one.

the thing with de blasio, everybody hates him. everybody has always hated him. he lives in this bubble of delusion and i am not talking about brooklyn. the thing about de blasio, what i really want to know, is anybody going to find the $750 million? he and his wife lost $750 million. >> greg: and we have people sleeping on the streets, mentally ill, junkies. that money could have built a freaking resort for them. >> rob: it's building a resort for somebody somewhere. for somebody somewhere. >> greg: we've got to movee pool floaties are like whooping cough. amusement parks are like whooping cough. even ice cream is like whooping cough, it's not just for kids. whooping cough is highly contagious for people of any age. and it can cause violent uncontrollable coughing fits.

sometimes followed by vomiting and exhaustion. ask your doctor or pharmacist about whooping cough vaccination because whooping cough isn't just for kids.

>> greg: i'm so happy. a fi greg: i'm so happy. final thoughts. >> this friday and saturday i'll be at the friday works. glenn: and happy birthday.

what a terrific show we had tonight. thanks to dana per relationship. kat timpf and our lovely studio audience. shannon bream is next. i'm greg gutfeld. i love you america. [♪♪♪] brian: welcome to saturday night, i'm brian kilmeade and this is "one nation." adam corolla will talk about governor newsom, and why everything is so politically correct today and how he's fighting back. doug masterano. the president of the united