letting me sit in her chair and the incredible angle crew. they're the hardest group of producers anywhere. they hold it together. special thanks to alisa, jessica, roman, gabby, shannon, andrew and david who put together my golf adventure. couldn't have done it without you all. i'm raymond arroyo in for laura ingraham. "gutfeld" is next. ♪ [cheers & applause] >> greg: getting weirder and weirder. crazy. happy friday, my friday friends. so that was some speech last night, am i right? i think we have a clip.

amazing! it was so upbeat. at least he didn't say "maga." >> maga republicans do not respect the constitution. maga forces extreme. the extreme maga ideology. maga republicans. maga republicans look at americans and see carnage and darkness and despair. >> greg: carnage and despair. that was easy. if you were a maga republican with china, then imagine foreign policy. it would be call to arms against an evil empire. it's the standard tonight.

our equality of democracy. >> as i stand here tonight, democracy is under assault. >> greg: and what? shaking hands with imaginary friends and believe every child's head is sacred and a playground for them. [ audio difficulties ]

>> greg: yes, so did you, julie. okay. the biggest throat to our democracy is trump supporters. like when larry kudlow showed me his pole dancing videos, this is where it gets weird. >> not every republican are maga republicans. not every republican replacing their extreme ideology. i know because i've been able to work with these mainstream republicans. >> greg: dude, make up what is left of your mind. first, you say maga is the biggest threat ever, but then, you know, it's not even a majority when you think about it. when you dumb ass, why did you decide to come into millions of our living rooms last night and

give a speech in front of a backdrop built by lucifer and his union buddies? make no sense. reminds me when his idiot press secretary said this earlier. >> when you ask me about the maga agenda, it's one of the most extreme agendas we've seen. they threaten political violence and attacking our democracy. >> greg: then she says this. >> when we talk about the extremism, we're talking about a small piece of -- component of the american public. >> greg: so wow. good to know she was hired purely for her competence. didn't take any boxes there. so they want you to be a threat, but they have no evidence of it. perhaps this is why the fbi admitted to padding the domestic violence extremist numbers. they couldn't find the hate crimes so they have to make them up. he believes america is at an

inflection point. >> i believe america is at an inflection point, one of those moments that determine the shape of everything to come after. and now america must choose to move forward or to move backwards. for a long time we told ourselves that american democracy is guaranteed. but it's not. we have to defend it. >> greg: did he just draw a line? be careful. hunter might snort it. [laughter] but again, he's drawing a line within america. he talks about rejecting violence in inflammatory language but cleaves the country from two and then hides in his basement. he's a lame duck. he should avoid dick cheney. so what is the point here?

well, this speech was a political call to arms. a febrile distraction trying to pit two groups against each other. he's basically michael vick and we're the pitbulls. [laughter] >> what the hell, man? >> greg: i don't know. i thought that time had passed. >> it was his cousins, man. >> greg: i didn't follow the story, tyrus. >> i did. >> greg: at the same time, he's claiming that he's unifying. i've seen more people brought together by leprosy. he doesn't want to be a wartime president. he wants to be a civil wartime president. [applause] so funny. hilarious. but the only thing he has in common with lincoln is they're both brain dead. but joe has a point. maybe there is a side in this country that is a threat to democracy. they use anger and violence when

they don't get what they want. they shut down free speech and debate every chance they get. they eliminate laws that are supposed to protect citizens. they justified theft and vandalism and choose criminals rights over victims rights. they take the very agenciesment to protect us and use them against us. they're all legit threats against democracy. it not maga or maga light with 65 calories. i remember reading about how presidents in trouble might start wars. but nobody explained to below average joe that he's not supposed to do it within our country. but then again, after seeing how he did in kabul, you might understand why he might want to have a home game instead of going on the road. what say you, joe? >> yeah, yeah, yeah, i'm looking forward to the weekend. i'm exhausted. i didn't call anybody a fascist. i called them semi fascist. it's different. it's like if hitler had a mini

me. remember that guy? dr. evil had the little midget, one million dollars. i like that guy. he was funny. okay. yeah. semi fascist. maga -- i don't know. i'm making this up as i go along. >> greg: so good. so antifa went from being an idea to being his idea. he made a wartime speech for americans against americans. this idiot had the white house, senate, congress and his strategy is to bait red on blue violence for political benefit. you can't fall for this. they want you to take the bait. that speech was supposed to be scary. like how my mom said if i kept making faces they would freeze like that. no, that's botox. the speech is more funny than scary. you can't forget that. remember, after every trump speech orally, the media's hair

was always on fire. you can see their flaming scalps from space. meanwhile, people riots and attacked trump supporters. that's what they want you to do here. they want you to set your own hair on fire. you can't. your hair is too beautiful around your life is too much fun. so sit back and giggle at their desperate distractions. come november, you may be the last one laughing. >> here he is -- >> welcome tonight's guests. her new children's book comes with a free bottle of scotch. fox news anchor and author of the new children's book, julie banderas. he reminds us of a guy who sold pot outside the high school. he still sells pot outside the high school. the comedian behind terrorizing

telemarketer seven, jim! his name sounds like an extra in a nativity scene. publisher and founder of planned man, guy shepherd. and his shadow has been here since yesterday. my massive sidekick and the nwa world television champ, tyrus. so julie, first before we get to the story, congratulations on this incredibly large achievement. writing a children's book. the last attempts at relevance. you have nothing going for you, write a children's book. it's not like they can tell if it's any good. [laughter] just for fun, you have to order

this and get it up there on amazon. >> it's on bravebooks.com. not amazon. >> greg: brave? >> bravebooks.com. >> greg: couldn't get it on amazon? >> no. >> greg: you can buy mine on amazon. you can't get her children's book. that's how bad this is. i'm joking. it's so good. it is so good. julie, what did you make of that speech? it was hilarious. >> it was not good. okay? first of all, let's see. the list of things that he failed to talk about. okay? inflation, jobs, energy, the border crisis, crime, opioids and then an explanation behind the devilish red background. i thought i was watching a horror film. it did inspire me. i love to decorate for halloween. red lighting, that is key -- erie. i have a biden mask.

i'll put that somewhere on my decorations. >> greg: they were inspired by the poster for the devil's advocate. al pacino playing satan and keanu reeves is in front of him. why am i explaining a movie poster when you can google it. guy, good to see you. hugh hefner's crypt. >> greg: i figure if jimmy wasn't wearing the tight tux, i could go to men's warehouse and find one that fits. >> greg: that is cemetery warehouse. what did you make of the speech? >> watching it i was reminded how much i miss bill clinton and the politics of unifying triangulation. >> greg: yes, yes. >> just remind you how things have gone. i think when politics is working right, the differences between the parties are a degree and not kind. i think what we saw in this is that, you know, we came out there and it's a different sport now. half of the american people are

not fit and that we need to transcend them by getting to this moment in time where there's only going to be a uni party. this woke state crap is bad for our country. >> greg: you think this is a set-up for something else? >> i thought the beginning the whole purpose was to trigger donald trump to run. right? conflict him out at the same time. i think that -- i don't think he's going to go for that bait. i think this is really putting us forward at a time where looks like we're moving towards something we don't want to get to and we should stop it. >> greg: i think america is in great shape like jim florentine. >> thank you. >> greg: that's called a transition, people. >> well-done. >> greg: thank you. and also you're wearing a dark red shirt in remembrance of the -- >> i picked this out just because of the background of his speech. >> greg: that speech was darker than your voice. >> i'd say so, yeah and probably

my comedy, too. i like how people are complaining that there were marines in the background during the speech. aren't they supposed to be around when a disaster is happening? [applause] does he know what maga stands for? make america great again. what doesn't want america great? is that a bad thing? you're extremists if you want secure borders, lower taxes and tougher on crime. you're an extremist now. i'm an extremist. i admit it on tv, i am. >> greg: you were an original extremist. >> i think so. >> greg: it's amazing. they say it's just a minority. the others are saying, tyrus, the minority is an extremist. they can't figure out what it is. >> this isn't new. i've been a minority forever and i've always been a problem. [applause]

when i saw this, i was half asleep. right? you got to be half asleep. his words make more sense. i just -- i thought -- schiff likes to write scripts and stuff. i feel like they brought george lucas in and he was going to be the new sith lord. darth yells with sith. the other thing, he was clearly medicated. i would like two so i can lay on the grass and cuss out clouds. >> laura: >> real quick. this gave me nightmares last night about that boyfriend i couldn't get over in high school. like the first love. he reminds me of like he needs to get over trump. reminded me of that ex-boyfriend that i'm going to keep talking about him and make him think i'm happy but i'm not. he needs to get over trump. >> greg: it's good we finally

ended up becoming friends though. last word, jim? >> only two networks showed the speech. msnbc and cnn. nobody else bought it. we're not going to air that. you know he's unpopular when cbs decides to air a rerun of "young sheldon" instead of that. >> greg: we have to move on. he thought it sounded good to say trump makes bin laden. some days, it felt like asthma was holding me back. but asthma has taken enough. so i go triple...

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>> is trump's trauma worse than osama? sam harris doubles down on be a trump deranged clown. this week author, sam harris, went to great lengths to explain that former president donald trump is actually worse than osama bin laden. but wait. >> here him out. >> greg: yeah.

he's got some good points. i'm joking. another recent episode of his podcast called "making sense" which is funny, harris doubles down on statements comparing the former president to the 9-11 mastermind evil prick. >> i said on several occasions that i think donald trump is a worse person than osama bin laden. the statement is obviously meant to get your attention. i get that it's surprising. it's not meant to be hyperbolic. i can defend every word of a statement like that. >> greg: is he done? okay. either he hates trump or loves bin laden. it got our attention. as would something less obnoxious like smearing [bleep] in your hair.

defend it he did. >> i think osama bin laden was a more or less normal human being psychologically. the moral structure he imagined he was living under and wanted to impose on the rest of the world given his beliefs was despicable. so he created immense harm and it's very good that we killed him, but within the frame work of his owedious believes, he demonstrated many virtues. wouldn't surprise me if at if he was a person of genuine integrity and compassion in dealing with his fellow muslims. >> greg: oh, man. i used to like this guy. so that's incredible. someone named harris making less sense than kamala. [applause] finally, she's like thanks, sam. but sam is right. bin laden never tried to blow up

anyone that agreed with him. unless it was murder someone else. but i think you know you've got long trump dearrangement syndrome when you think bin laden has redeeming qualities. but can those things be said about donald trump? >> none of these things can be said about donald trump. trump is without question one of the least honest and more malignantly selfish human beings i have ever come across. >> greg: which make sense if you believe that mean tweets are worse than planning the death of 3,000 people. how about gangus khan and the guy that came up with cars for kids. i feel sorry for sam. if he only watched this show four years ago, we would have

found the solution and helped him cure his sickness. >> you've heard about it in the media. >> we have to acknowledge there's so much more happening in the world than donald trump. >> but the first step to healing is admitting it. >> i am a trump addict. >> before it's too late. >> my wife and i find ourselves, our pillow talk is about trump. >> that's right. it is terrible. but now there's hope thanks to the brian steltzer institute for trump addicted. we understand the need for safe space to talk about your unhealthy obsession with the president. >> i haven't slept in 483 days. >> what about you, mr. gen narrow? >> i watch these trump rallies on tv. seems like the more fun they have, the angrier i get. >> the good news is this is not a real medical condition. so grow a pair and get on with your life. feel better now? >> a little bit.

a little bit. i do. yeah. i do. >> the brian stelter institute. >> greg: tyrus, okay. i've been listening to sam harris' podcast for ten years. and there's something that is gone wrong here. can you help him? >> well, two things. is that his always voice? >> greg: yes. >> okay. he ghost reads, reads his own podcast. that might be a problem. what he was trying to do would be like if we sat down and talked about how hitler was a wonderful artist. he was really good at pointing water colored paintings. everybody loved him. they had no choice and they would have gotten murdered and

comparing it to your favorite brian stelter because you don't like him. brian stelter has done nothing like that and everybody knows his a horrible artist. he didn't list one thing that president trump did besides win. he didn't list one thing that he did to even get close to bin laden. he listed all of the stuff that bin laden did. he said if you were a dinner guest at your house, he was phenomenal. >> greg: bin laden would kill sam harris and his family without thinking. >> as soon as he heard that voice, it's over. >> greg: what? >> as soon as he heard that voice, it's over. i'm here and that's it. >> greg: this remind me when i was in college, a girl told me in the 90s that she would rather get in a subway with a murder's gang than with ronald reagan. it's like they have to -- the lie that they have to tell themselves. but of course you wouldn't.

in reality, if that offer was given to you, you would certainly not get into a subway with a murder's gang. if you said okay, here's a room, sam. bin laden is there and trump is there. which room do you want to take your family to? how could he answer that? >> i thought the story you were going to say about the college girls saying i don't want to be in there with you, not reagan. i'd rather be in a -- >> greg: i should have changed the story. >> that's where i thought you were going. ronald reagan in there? i thought it was you. >> greg: dammit. >> sam harris calls osama bin laden -- he had courage. he hid in a cave for ten years. that's not courage. it's a coward. they thinks nickelback is probably better than metallica. >> greg: you know what? you got to admit, nickelback -- >> greg: they had a few hits. i'll give them some. if you have a girl love, you

need nickelback to play in the background. you can't play master of puppets and get romantic. >> greg: you really like nickelback, don't you? >> i'm defending them. >> greg: why? >> not one person in this crowd said oh, that's some -- no. nickelback? look at my nickelback tattoo. >> greg: hatred towards nickelback should be shunted to maroon 5 or josh groban. you can't give it all to one person. >> he did. >> greg: guy, what were we talking about? i'm a fan of sam harris. i like take what he said seriously. this is why it's troubling to me. are you familiar with his work at all? >> yeah, i've listened to him on joe rogan. he's been very sensible. that kind of person that jordan peterson is paired with. in this thing he sounded like

mr. rogers on crack. it wasn't a beautiful day in the neighborhood. >> greg: yeah. he's -- i think this is somebody that has become imprisoned by their emotional response to trump. you don't have to like somebody to feel safe around them. to say that -- because i don't like them, that person is worse than bin laden is a disorder. >> what would he have said if he was asked to compare him to hitler? trip to hitler. he was a vegan and he liked german shepherds. >> greg: he was a big fan of wongs, too. so you agree with sam herrys. >> i never heard of him till today. >> he can read your children's book. >> that would be great. that would get my kids to bed on time if they can get a story read by sam harris. and i had to look him up. he's an atheist neuro scientists

and philosopher. maybe he should become a jihadist. so bin laden when he's in bed with 72 virgins, same harris should join him there. >> greg: there you go. lady makes sense. >> i don't this that room is as fun as we think it is. >> greg: they never say virgin what? >> what are you trying to insinuate? >> greg: they said 72 virgins. they never said virgin what. people -- >> again, i don't think that room is as fun as we think it is. >> oh, no. >> greg: keep it in. all right. up next, has snl lost its luster? humor, it can no longer muster. t for chronic kidney disease. they're the top two causes of ckd. ckd usually starts with no symptoms. so you can have it and not know it. to find out, check the kidney numbers from your lab tests. ♪far-xi-ga♪ if you have chronic kidney disease, farxiga

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rob schneider talked about the failing state of his former employer, "saturday night live." i bet he hates to crap on his own show. >> i hate to crap on my old show. when i saw that hillary clinton lost, which is understandable, that she would lose, not exactly the most likable person in the room. when kate mckinnon went out there on "saturday night live" on the cold opening and dressed as hillary clinton and starts playing hallelujah, i said please have a joke at the end. don't do this. please don't go down there. there was no joke at the end. i went "it's over, it's over." it's not going to come back. >> greg: it's like every snl skit. please, is there a joke at the end? there never is. he's not wrong. the comedians turned into political hacks and the actors turned into jokes. now they're about as edgy as

brian stelter's love handles. that's twice now. it's still happening in the world of late night. >> you can take the comedic indoctrination process happening with each of the late night hosts and exchange them with each other. that's how you know it's not interesting anymore. >> greg: it's true. every late night host started playing the same character. a self-righteous snob that hated elites. they're as interchangeable as the mr. potato pieces. why did we make the choice with misses and not mister? except for one late night host. who could that be? [applause] ♪ >> greg: that's beautiful. you know, jim, you've been in

standup for 60 years? >> half of that. >> greg: half of that. yes. and you're working your way at the clubs, which is good. what do you -- what is the word i'm looking for? do you hang out with woke comedians at all? >> yeah, sometimes. >> greg: what is that like? >> we talk about other stuff. try to talk about football, some kind of sports. we don't get involved with the politics. >> greg: but they put politics in everything. >> they do. when they hang out, they don't care. they're independent. i don't care about politics. meanwhile they do. they try to go up on stage with their woke jokes and it don't work. oh, it's all trump supporters in the audience. oh, you joke just stinks. that's why. speaking of stink, it's "saturday night live." they've been on the air for 47 years. it's 1 1/2 hours show. they have ten iconic sketches in 47 years. look at the schapelle show. he has more iconic sketches than

"saturday night live" in two years. it's overrated. "saturday night live" is like u2. they have like ten songs. they haven't put a good album out since 1997. everything else -- they got ten and that's it. >> greg: i can't argue with that. >> that's what they are. that's what "saturday night live" is. >> greg: the first three albums are amazing. and after that everything went to [bleep]. >> how to dismantle an atomic bomb. the one -- >> greg: the free album that nobody wanted. >> nobody wanted. >> automatically download it. >> greg: you should give this away with a real book. what do you make? do you agree with rob schneider? a lot of people -- nobody watches -- a lot of people criticize snl but don't watch

it. >> i faithfully watch it. it's funny until they talk politics. it's funny until they invite a guest host on that is not a comedian. i have nothing to say about kim kardshian. but when she's on, who is she promoting? her sex tape came out years ago and she's not a comedian. >> greg: it's out on dvd now. >> yes, of course. it's in your rolodex. >> greg: yes. my rolodex. next to my rotary phone. >> when they bring in politics -- i agree with schneider. that hallelujah, i was waiting for a joke. this is like depressing. >> greg: it was -- >> it was so sad. >> greg: the onion does this now. they'll do a serious headline because life is so bad. can late night be saved? >> i think you're saving it. >> greg: that's all you have to say. [applause] >> greg: i forgive you for coming dressed as a restaurant valet.

>> i thought it was an infomercial on how we could all make money. >> greg: that's better. much better. you sell the reverse mortgage. >> or vasectomy. >> greg: that is a reverse mortgage. last word, tyrus. >> comes down to one thing. when you pick a side, you lose. comedy is supposed to be objective. same thing with us. if went super red, sorry. we'd end up in the same boat. we made fun of president trump when it was warranted. once you pick a side, the art form is gone. >> greg: when you pick a side, have a sense of humor about it. >> you pick a side that is not even on social media anymore. the other side is doing [bleep] that we couldn't even make up. someone shakes hands with their

invisible friend in front of the tv, there's some jokes there. >> greg: yeah. >> the only time they tried to make fun of him, jim carrey played biden. he had the sunglasses on like he was a cool guy. there's nothing cool about joe biden. >> greg: their idea -- when they say they make fun of somebody -- look, hillary, it's so soft and it's always laughing with the character. but they go we do lampoon. no, you don't. who am i talking to? coming up it took some bravado to lock thermostats in colorado. i'll pick this one up. i earn 3% cash back on dining including takeout with chase freedom unlimited. so, it's not a problem at all. you guys aren't gonna give me the fake bill fight? c'mon, kev. you're earning 3% cash back. humor me. where is my wallet? i am paying. where is my wallet?

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but so is your sound engineer. you need to hire. i need indeed. indeed you do. indeed instant match instantly delivers quality candidates matching your job description. visit indeed.com/hire >> greg: thermostats locked at 78 degrees. i love this store representative. coloradoans couldn't change their thermostats from 78 degrees. they opted for a smart program that the utility company locks

when it gets too hot. they handed the power over to the utility company and they're complaining. >> 78 degrees is hot. >> greg: it is hot. >> and i can answer this in five words. that would make me really sweat my balls off. [laughter] >> greg: that is -- >> really sweat my balls off. five kids. are you listening? >> greg: yes. >> i'm just saying. >> greg: i'm going to buy this book. >> buy a portable air conditioner. screw them. >> greg: combine reading and math. >> and i'm representing a book based on morals for children. >> greg: jim, this is kind of a like human nature. they go up to people and they got $100 to opt in to this program. but every human being thinks like this. today i'll give you $100 and two weeks i get to kick you in the face. i'll take the $100. yeah, go ahead. take control of my thermostat.

>> they didn't realize what they signed up for. i didn't know it would be look this and control my thermostat. doesn't bother married guys. they're not allowed to touch it anyway. >> so true. >> and it colorado. they're all high. like the edible i just ate is making me sweaty. they don't know it's on 78. >> greg: what is your ideal temperature, tire russ? >> 68. >> greg: me too. i'm a 68-type of person. you thought he was going to say 69. typical. >> i don't think he did. [laughter] >> definitely ate something. >> crossing serious lines, gutfeld. you touch the thermostat in my house, serious repercussions. i used to be seven feet tall. 6'8" now. don't do it. i can't imagine. >> greg: i don't know what i would do. would you agree to something like this? >> no. this is ridiculous.

i'm thinking about the guy that made this deal to get the cool 100 who is sleeping next the a woman on menopause and sweating. i think he's going to get killed. >> greg: 78. >> a lot of big reveals. it's a lot to deal with. did your kids always know you had balls or -- [laughter] >> i'll explain it to them after the show. >> greg: you are fox's most nonbinary. >> thank you. >> greg: you're fair and truly balanced. >> tyrus is afraid throw. >> greg: up next, some jokes to admire before they expire. so to help you remember that liberty mutual customizes your home insurance, here's a pool party. look what i brought! liberty mutual! they customize your home insurance... so you only pay for what you need! ♪young people having a good time with insurance.♪ ♪young people.♪

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>> time once again for leftovers. it's the jokes we didn't use this week. like any leftovers, you never know if they're good until you dig in. as always, my first time reading these. so i don't know what will happen. here we go. at the vmas on sunday, lizzo pleaded with fans to vote and make changes to laws oppressing us. scientists reminded her you can't change the laws of

gravity. [laughter] that was brutal. >> that's a lot. >> greg: critics pointed out this old photo of her getting on a private jet. unfortunately when she's the only passenger, the jet keeps flying in circles. i do not condone. new york stores have begun enforcing ban on the sale of whipped cream to under 21. just close your eyes, open your mouth and relax according to bill clinton. i didn't see that one coming. >> i did. >> greg: 30-year-old reference. a new survey finds that two in three americans live with a seize the day attitude. unfortunately for the rest of us, some people seize the day a little too hard.

>> oh, no! >> greg: it was revealed one of the documents seized during the mar-a-largo raid was a folder labelled info regarding president of france. it was the only document to surrender itself. [laughter] according to a report, donald trump once gossiped that he had intel on manual macron's sex life. apparently macron's formula for sexual partners is to take his own age, double it, add seven and make sure it's your high school teacher. [laughter] is he also married to dr. jill? look that [bleep] up. southwest airlines pilot threatened to cancel a flight because passengers were air dropping nudes to each other. he said it was bad enough when they were nude but they really

requested more turbulence. i don't even get that. i'll laugh. >> because it shakes, gutfeld. >> greg: like magic fingers on a bed. i'm old. abercrombie & fitch deleted an ad after calls that the image normalized obesity, which is odd considering nobody complained when cnn did the same thing on weekends for years. [applause] finally, this week a source close to leo dicaprio says he prefers dating women under the age of 25. you can't blame him. the last time she dated a woman his own age, she let hem freeze to death in the atlantic. that's cute. don't go away. we'll be right back. downy will soften your clothes without dyes or perfumes. the towel washed with downy is softer, and gentler on your skin. try downy free & gentle.

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in the orpheum theater, i'll be performing there too. check it out. get tickets on ticketmaster.com. >> all right, that does for us! thanks to our panel! our studio audience, thank you. "fox news @ night" is next. i'm craig gutfeld. i love you, america. >> hello and welcome to fox news @ night. i'm kevin corke in washington. breaking tonight, the white house facing increasing scrutiny over e-mails that appear to show direct coordination between white house officials and high-ranking social media employees in an effort to censor statements they deemed misinformation and in one e-mail, white house's digital director o