tv Gutfeld FOX News October 21, 2022 8:00pm-9:00pm PDT
8:00 pm
directed at the larger ingraham angle team and you know who you are. all right, don't forget to set your dvr for next wednesday night october 26th when the ingraham angle hits the road and heads to houston, texas, for our first retaking america town hall. you're not going to want to miss it. greg gutfeld takes it all from here. [cheers and applause] >> greg: happy friday, everybody! i'm wearing glasses because i have a sty. thought i'd get that out of the way, all right? here is the stupid infuriating, idiotic story which only means it bubbled up from academia. happened at the university of
8:01 pm
pittsburgh's cathedral of learning where a foo female student was allegedly sexually assaulted during school hours. that's bad enough, but it gets worse! students understandably horrified demanded increased security on campus. one anonymous student created a petition that garnered 6,000 signatures asking for more security cameras and more stringent i.d. access passes. the university quickly responded with an e-mail from the vice chancellor of public safety and emergency management. remember the old rule, the longer the title, the less they actually do. in the e-mail, the vc promised they'd take additional actions increasing patrols and security shifts meaning more cops. can you guess what happened next? hint, it always happens when common sense runs head first into the whittles woke -- witles woke. stupid, destructive outrage.
8:02 pm
eventually causing destruction of someone else who was doing the right thing. so a backlash came from students who claimed the increasing police presence would threaten the safety of students of color. as opposed to, you know, wanna-be rapists. i didn't realize pitt was a school for the mentally challenged. what do these students have to do to get admitted? sketch a turtle or a pirate? i tried that. so, after a sexual assault some students were more concerned over the presence of police than the presence of a rapist. of course, this is what happens when the media distorts the odds of police shooting. college kids prefer rapists, classrooms aren't safe during school and cops are as popular as a fart in a hot tub, and i know that. done a lot of research in that
8:03 pm
area. which reminds us college campuses are not just gun-free zones, they're also brain-free zones. so here you got a microcosm of what you're seeing now in every city. microcosm means a small sample of a bigger problem. with crime out of control and with so many female victims, where are the feminists? why are they so afraid of calling out repeat thugs who viciously brutalize women? even when attackers are arrested, they're let free immediately, and their only punishment is that they're late for their next attack. here is the reason... female victim is now secondary to the mantra of systemic racism. for a long time, it's been a dog fight for first place on top of the victim totem pole, but sorry, gals, being
8:04 pm
considered racially oppressed is the equivalent of drawing a royal flush in poker. no other hand can trump it. so if you are in the wrong group, you can't be a victim even when you're a victim and if you complain, of course you must be racist. in the world of social justice, violent felons can be busted and released without bail in hours because society did it to him. after each senseless attack, as always, the perp's lengthy wrap sheet is longer than a receipt from walgreens. don't add police because that will hurt feelings. they'll have a safe space for alternate ideas but not rapists. using your logic if you're at an atm late night, you're better off if the guy behind you is wearing a ski mask than a crime hat. it's a new hierarchy. no more good over evil but racial justice over actual justice. so after this moronic
8:05 pm
backlash, the person who launched the petition depleted it and apologized like a fool, "the fact that it seems like more campus cops are being added because of something i did makes me a monster, and i know that." now, in a normal world, meaning a world without progressives, these very exact words would be coming out of the suspect's mouth. so i'll repeat the words. the fact that it seems like more campus cops are being added because of something i did makes me a monster, and i know that. the 18-year-old then adds, "i don't think i'll come back to campus monday. i'm considering academic leave or transferring to another school, if that's possible." well how about preschool? this poor things needs another chance to grow up. [applause] let's welcome tonight's gue guests.
8:06 pm
this kane has proved he's more than able... a little bible humor, people. co-host and "fox & friends weekend" will cain. her favorite candy is butterscotch minus the butter -- [laughter] -- fox news anchor -- ha-ha -- julie. ha-ha. you're mad at me. they say less is more, but this more is never enough. author of "so you have been to sensitive diversity training," chadwick moore. this is a great intro i never saw. she's like canada, white, always cold and people often forget she's there.
8:07 pm
that's really good! [applause] kat, you look like a very professional psychiatrist right now with -- >> i kind of am in my spare time. they just don't pay me. >> greg: does this piss you off? this whole thing? it's hard to make jokes because at the base of this is a sexual assault obviously, but people actually say we don't want protection from rapists because that might offend people. >> yeah. yeah. absolutely. i mean, you don't have to be, like, super pro-cop to choose seeing a cop over being raped. i think that's a pretty normal way to make that decision. and -- you're absolutely right that the statement did sound like it came from the rapist. >> greg: yes! >> i'm a monster, and i may never return to this campus again. like -- that would actually be a great point of view from that guy. he probably shouldn't come back, and he is a monster. i think it's just absolutely insane. and, again, i'm not somebody
8:08 pm
-- i think there's plenty of things that, you know, are crimes that shouldn't be crimes. i think that police need to focus on real crimes. at the top of that list is definitely a violent sexual assault. >> greg: yeah. >> i hope someone talks to the kid. i hope the kid has somebody to talk to. i mean, did he show that statement to anyone before he wrote it? >> greg: i have no idea and i still don't even know the whereabouts of the rapist, if they got any -- this story -- >> apparently on the bottom of the priority list. >> greg: yeah. got to find out what he looked like. julie, i'd be happy to see a police officer or a stripper dressed as a police officer rather than a student. >> quickly, because the description was really precise, he's wearing a backpack. >> greg: no, he's black. he had short, curly hair and a shirt. >> i saw the backpack because i don't see color. >> greg: you don't, but you probably saw the majority of the press. >> i did! >> greg: i saw the police
8:09 pm
description, but i bet it didn't get to where you saw it. >> it definitely didn't get to it because you won't actually believe what i saw. when i saw the headline women actually assaulted in pitts cathedral of learning, i was like brad pitt sexually assaulted somebody? once i realized that wasn't true, i was quite relieved. then i actually read the story and i was enraged. it was disgusting. i rage against the woke that don't support our police. our police are under attack. why? not only politicians but kids being raised to be anti-cops. these college students are a perfect example of how despicable it is that we're raising people that don't believe in law enforcement. they're here to protect you. having a cop on campus is way more offensive than being sexually assaulted in a stairwell. >> greg: will, it really is an agreement what julie said. there's something actually truthful to what she said. surprise! >> really? >> greg: i know! it is an achievement of the
8:10 pm
radical left that now we live in a world where young people believe police are more harmful than criminals. that is something that you try to push into society in order to destroy it. >> yes, but it's not something that people actually believe. i think that's something that people pretend to believe, that cops are actually a threat to their life. this story is full of fear from top to bottom, but it's not actually fear of cops nor fear of the racist or the rapist, it's being feared of being called a racist. it's fear of being ostracized. the kid you wrote that letter you talk about is going to the greatest lengths possible of self-flagellation. i'm a monster. i'm taking a leave of absence. i may transfer. does anybody else need anything else here? what can i do to keep the mob from coming after me? he's more terrified of being ostracized than he is of a racist -- rapist -- i keep he's mixing those words. one last note. i must have read the same story julie read. all i saw as a description of
8:11 pm
the perpetrator i was backpack. >> greg: i couldn't find anything. one of the staffers went and looked and found the police report, and it's very specific how the person looks, but that -- that -- >> they left it out. they left it out. >> they left it out. >> yeah. >> i'm telling you, it was a black backpack. they didn't mention the race. i'm telling you. i read it. i was looking for brad pitt in the article. >> greg: they should round up everybody with a black backpack. >> yeah. >> i also saw that the kid that wrote that letter was an english major. >> ha! i know. >> ok, i only saw one of his essays to be fair but -- i don't think it's going to work out. >> greg: the kid thinks his life is ruined because what he did is helped to get more security on campus and for that, he thinks he's the monster. it's one of the most amazing things -- chadwick, i bet you wish this was in your book. >> i do. i do. >> greg: when does your book come out? >> it's out now. i have a copy for you. i can't wait to give it to
8:12 pm
you. >> greg: i'm really busy but -- you know i have an eye infection so i won't be reading anything for a number of years. um -- >> the thing is that they will still obviously have no shame on depending on the police to bring in this perpetrator but they don't want to see them on campus. >> greg: what if their phone gets stolen? >> who do you think will track this guy down? a crack team of gender study defenders? they'll still be required to do the security. it's like we don't want to see you but please do the work that's vital to us. you know? >> greg: this reminds me of the politician in seattle who was 100% behind defunding the police until someone started throwing human excrement on her porch. then she called the cops and wanted to do forensic testing on the feces. not mine. [laughter] i don't give that stuff away for free. [laughter]
8:13 pm
disgusting. >> why are you looking at me? >> greg: ha-ha. any way. up next, when twitter's sold to elon, will most staffers be gone? [applause] if you have type 2 diabetes or high blood pressure... ...you're a target for chronic kidney disease. they're the top two causes of ckd. ckd usually starts with no symptoms. so you can have it and not know it. to find out, check the kidney numbers from your lab tests. ♪far-xi-ga♪ if you have chronic kidney disease, farxiga can help slow its progression. farxiga can cause serious side effects including dehydration, urinary tract or genital yeast infections in women and men, and low blood sugar. ketoacidosis is a serious side effect that may lead to death.
8:14 pm
a rare, life-threatening bacterial infection in the skin of the perineum could occur. stop taking farxiga and call your doctor right away if you have symptoms of this bacterial infection, an allergic reaction, or ketoacidosis. and don't take it if you are on dialysis. take aim at ckd by asking your doctor for your kidney numbers and how farxiga can help. if you can't afford your medication, astrazeneca may be able to help. ♪far-xi-ga♪
8:15 pm
8:17 pm
8:18 pm
you would applaud -- i can't believe they're applauding dismemberment. you people are disgusting! but that should immediately improve the parking situation at twitter headquarters quite a bit. but, hey, don't worry, maybe they can get a job at truth social. [laughter] that's the thing owned by trump. news of the layoffs is all according to interviews and internal documents obtained by "the washington post." people are saying the layoffs will ruin twitter, content moderation and user security will take a hit exposing the platforms to hacks and disgusting, offensive content, especially if you dm me when i've been drinking. oh man. but "the post" also notes current management already planned to cut a quarter of its workforce chopping $800 million from its payroll. and after months of back-and-forth legal crap, twitter expects to close the deal by next friday where they'll board a rocket and make love as it crashes into
8:19 pm
the sun. we're told that's safer than dating amber heard. bottom line, twitter's never really been profitable compared to the other big social media sites. you just can't make money pretending that the left is popular. just ask disney, cnn or the soviet union. polite chuckles. i hate those. chadwick? >> yes, sir. >> greg: um, clearly he knows the nuts and bolts of this company or he wouldn't feel so confident to just take three quarters of it away. what do you make of this? >> well, oh, you thought the tent cities were crowded in san francisco now -- what's the bread line for fact checkers going to look like? >> greg: that's true. that's true. >> the media is spinning this as -- they're terrified. they're shaking. there's going to be a floodgate of information released on twitter. it's hilarious to think, no, it seems like twitter is not
8:20 pm
profitable. hasn't been making money. median income for a twitter employee is a quarter of a million dollars a year to do what? censor people? it makes a lot of sense. it made a lot of people realize musk maybe has a bigger plan for this company than just liberating it from censorship. he's got a plan to turn it around. >> greg: he wants it to be the one thing you use for everything, julie. a lot of people say that about me. >> yeah. >> greg: i'm like a human swiss army knife. >> yeah. yeah. yeah. you're multitalented. >> greg: yeah, you don't want to know where the corkscrew is. [laughter] that just came out of nowhere. i don't like to root for unemployment, julie, but there's something about whiny, woke weasels. you can't get that sympathetic for them. i'm sure they're fine but they're just like -- they would love it if you or i got canned. >> no, they would love that he's saving $800 million. i've got to give it to him. i don't think all of those
8:21 pm
employees are needed to cancel automatic of us -- all of us that work at certain networks they don't approve of. remember when they wiped out our followers after the election? that was awesome. i think elon musk will do good things. i think the woke is going to probably -- i don't know, head over to facebook? i'm not really sure. >> greg: no. i have some -- >> where are they going to go? >> greg: i have some theories. first people that are going to go, will, is the marketing team, because musk was always his own marketing team. i don't think he -- there's no marketing team on -- in his other companies. tesla. there is none. >> that's true. >> greg: that whole thing will be lopped off. axed. you liked that, didn't you? you liked that axing. this is the audience that's pro-dismemberment. [cheers and applause] we're all taking the back exit after the show.
8:22 pm
>> maybe before the show's over. >> greg: yes! yes! someone has a torch back there. >> can we take a minute? >> greg: yeah. >> 75%. that's not like we're going to trim the margins here. have you ever heard of a company axing 75% of their employment base? and by the way, they wouldn't just be happy if we were fired. they're happy to help you get fired meaning -- and they're going to land on their feet. they're going to land on their feet. i thought about that, like, what do you do? i was a misinformation specialist. actually, you do a lot. paypal is probably looking for misinformation specialists. the federal government. the biden administration now wants to investigate elon musk and this purchase to see if it's a national security risk. >> greg: there you go. they'll be fine. i'm sure. kat, do you feel bad for them? there are plenty of places that are hiring. marshals is hiring. tj max always hiring. old navy. men's warehouse. these are all great places. >> they sure are. >> greg: yeah. that's an old navy sweater,
8:23 pm
isn't it? >> it's a dress, otherwise i would need to be wearing pants. >> greg: so demanding. there are a lot of anchors that don't wear pants. >> so. >> greg: i'm not going to name names but stuart varney. >> nobody owes anybody a job. i'm a capitalist. i know people say they are but i actually am. i watch "a christmas carol" and i'm like scrooge has a point! we've all had to work on christmas. i certainly have. suck it up. >> greg: even when you pretape a show -- we're going to pretape a show for thanksgiving and christmas, it's still working on the holiday, because you did the work and it's on that day.
8:24 pm
oh, holiday specials. i'm there. >> he's getting the scrooge treatment like he's going to fire these people because he's such a [bleep] he doesn't want them to have a job. yeah, that's the reason. that's probably why you don't have a company, idiot. like, it's because that's what makes sense for business if that's what he does or at least that's the intention behind it. >> greg: all right. thank you, dr. timpf. >> yes. a lot of people don't know that about me. >> greg: yeah. yeah. i feel like i should be writing you a check right now. >> i feel like you should, t too. >> greg: ha-ha. all right, nobody writes checks anymore. >> no. >> greg: i do. i'm an old man. up next, a campaign stop that had voters in suspense over who would make less sense. ...thanks to dupixent. dupixent is not for sudden breathing problems. it's an add-on treatment for specific types of moderate-to-severe asthma.
8:25 pm
and can help improve lung function for better breathing in as little as two weeks. dupixent helps prevent asthma attacks... and can even reduce or eliminate oral steroids. imagine that. ♪ ♪ dupixent can cause allergic reactions that can be severe. get help right away if you have rash, chest pain, worsening shortness of breath, tingling or numbness in your limbs. tell your doctor about new or worsening joint aches and pain, or a parasitic infection. don't change or stop asthma medicines, including steroids, without talking to your doctor. who knows what you can do when you du more with less asthma. ask your asthma specialist about dupixent. (vo) you can be well-dressed. (man) wahoooo! (vo) you can be well-groomed. or even well-spoken. (man) ooooooo. (vo) but there's just something about being well-adventured.
8:26 pm
8:28 pm
- [narrator] if your business kept on employees through the pandemic, getrefunds.com can qualify you for a payroll tax refund of up to $26,000 per employee, even if you got ppp. and all it takes is eight minutes to find out. then we'll work with you to fill out your forms and submit the application. that easy. getrefunds.com has helped businesses like yours claim over $1 billion in payroll tax refunds. but it's only available for a limited time. go to getrefunds.com powered by innovation refunds. >> greg: i forgot, these are prescription glasses. i thought they were my other glasses. it was. [indiscernible] and biden side-by-siden.
8:29 pm
[laughter] yeah. i came up with that one. you guys didn't. laugh away. and it's definitely a campaign first forcing voters to wonder whose brain is the worst. [laughter] president biden, if that's his real name, joined pennsylvania state's senate candidate john fetterman in a campaign stop on thursday. it's the first event where the candidates were asking the questions. [laughter] ha! let it sink in. clap away. keep clapping. less work for me. biden wandered around and smiled while federman was asked to join a carnival.
8:30 pm
>> he wore a suit which surprised him except for the relative that b bought it for him. it looks like a kid on his way to his first funeral or a guy getting ready for his first court appearance after chopping up his neighbors. the audience liked that joke. oh, more dismemberment, greg. they have to do a cavity search of his butt and his teeth. he looks like the guy in beetle juice after his head got shrunk and now his suit doesn't fit. meanwhile, joe had what looked like another verbal mishap. they don't call them accidents. that's for something else. here he is addressing fetterman and his wife. >> john, thank you, um, very much for, um, for running. i really do appreciate it,
8:31 pm
and, zell, you're going to be a great, um, a great lady in the senate. >> oh god. [laughter] >> greg: so, um -- >> oh no! >> greg: wait a minute. so you're telling me being married to a senator doesn't make you a senator? and i spent all that time flirting with lindsey graham. [laughter] all right. i want to get this out of the way first, will, because, you know, every issue i have with fetterman is prestroke. i don't care about the stroke stuff. he was for releasing felons before the stroke. he chased an unarmed black jogger with a shotgun prestroke. prestroke, he looked like he had escaped from "land of the lost." [laughter] every joke we make has nothing to do with being able
8:32 pm
les,right -- be a les, right? >> i don't believe you. you're telling me this is prestroke? >> greg: yes, prestroke. >> this fetterman-biden thing would be the best abbott and costello thing. this is wrong. this is sad. you need to be pointing this out post stroke because he is running for senator of pennsylvania! and it does have to do with his job qualifications just like it was perfectly reasonable and necessary to vet joe biden's mental capacity to be president of the united states. >> greg: but didn't you see his doctor gave him a note that said he was healthy. right? did you see that, kat? >> who also donated to his campaign? >> greg: yes! lots of money to the democrats. >> fetterman didn't speak that the event. he's having biden host another event for him on thursday. regardless was reason, i feel like if you're -- regardless of the reason, i feel like if
8:33 pm
you're in a situation where people are like, you shouldn't speak, it's better to have joe biden do it for you -- [applause] -- that might not be the best sign in the world but i also had a lot of issues with him pre-his parents paying for his -- prestroke. his parents paying for his whole life? he wants to look poor. he wants to be the like the hipster kids in brooklyn where the parents pay for their pent houses and they wear ripped clothes. what'd you have for lunch? it wasn't your parents? [bleep] >> greg: i loved the hoodie and the basketball shorts. most comfortable way to go shopping in the afternoon. you get warm here, but you don't chafe, and then you got, like, hairless godzilla just ruined it, ruined it for me, though oddly in the green room, julie, i heard you say, "bummer, i was hoping he was single." saw him with a very attractive
8:34 pm
and very assertive wife who will be the next senator. >> yeah, so i don't think he was shopping at -- what did you call it? men's warehouse? >> greg: no. >> no. there's a store for tall people. you wouldn't be familiar. >> greg: what is it? baby gap? >> it's called big & tall, neither of which you are. so that's where he was shopping. i think he should return it, because i think -- i don't know, i'd prefer a hoodie covering his face but, um, i am excited for this debate. he only agreed to one, which is weak. he should be debating more. he's got a debate coming up tuesday, right? i'll turn to the journalist. >> greg: this'll be amazing! will it be this tuesday? >> yeah, this'll be great. only one debate. he doesn't want to speak. he let biden speak for him. maybe biden should do the debate. whenever i see the word carpet bagging. >> greg: don't say it. >> i'm not. i did look it up on urban dictionary. look it up. he winked at the accusations
8:35 pm
of memmet oz carpet bagging in that area. he made a joke about memmet o oz. he's making joke about delaware while this man lived in his basement through the entire election. >> greg: they both lived in basements, one in his parents' basement and the other one in just some basement. i feel like the democrats have ruined basements. [laughter] >> democrats and serial killers. >> greg: democrats and serial killers, serial killers made basements exciting. ooh, i want to go down there. maybe i'll get dismembered. [applause] this is the best audience ev ever, chadwick! >> they are. >> greg: they're going to chop you up. and then sprinkle your remains over a hill. >> ha-ha. you think that -- i don't know, do you think biden tried to sniff that thing on his neck? [laughter] >> greg: ew, chadwick!
8:36 pm
you just crossed the line... or maybe not. >> but the two of them in conversation together would be like two ai chat bots except you can look up the words the chat bots are saying. there, you don't even know what's coming out of their mouths. >> greg: it's true in the debate he's got all of these things that will help him. how do we know -- this is the thing that bugs me, ok? he's going to have -- he's going to have a system that he could read the questions. how do we know somebody -- and then -- >> someone will type the answers in. >> greg: someone will type the answers in. they better have a camera right behind him to show what he's looking at, because if there's -- if there's like -- because what else are they going to do? the guy is going to be a disaster. unless he comes out at the beginning and says, "look, this is going to be a challenge for me." >> yeah. >> greg: just say, look. this is kind of what i did with my sty, kat. i'm the real hero here. but it is -- it's like coming
8:37 pm
out going, i know this is going to be a challenge but i'll do my best. here and later when you elect me, i should be -- i should be a speechwriter! >> he's got joe biden. >> greg: yes. ha-ha. coming up, it didn't take long for corden to say he wasn't wrong. as taken enough. so i go triple... with trelegy. with 3 medicines in 1 inhaler,... it's the only once-daily treatment for adults that takes triple action against asthma symptoms. trelegy helps make breathing easier,... improves lung function,... and lasts for 24 hours. go triple... go trelegy. because asthma has taken enough. trelegy won't replace a rescue inhaler... for sudden breathing problems. trelegy contains a medicine that increases risk of hospitalizations and death from asthma problems when used alone. when this medicine is used with an inhaled corticosteroid,... like in trelegy,...
8:38 pm
there is not a significant increased risk of these events. do not take trelegy more than prescribed. trelegy may increase risk of thrush and infections. get emergency care for serious allergic reactions. see your doctor if your asthma does not improve or gets worse. don't let asthma take another breath. go triple. go trelegy. ask your doctor about trelegy today.
8:39 pm
i'll remember that chapter of my life forever. we laughed. we cried. we protected that progressive home & auto bundle day and night. we left our blood, sweat, and tears on that yard. well...jamie did anyway. no one thinks about their hearing until you start losing it. and then you think about it a lot. this doesn't help and the whole process of getting them is a royal pain in the ..... ear. if only there was a better way. this is eargo, yes right here. incredible right? what's more you get all the support you need all from here.
8:40 pm
sitting right here. moderate to severe eczema still disrupts my skin. despite treatment it disrupts my skin with itch. it disrupts my skin with rash. but now, i can disrupt eczema with rinvoq. rinvoq is not a steroid, topical, or injection. it's one pill, once a day, that's effective without topical steroids. many taking rinvoq saw clear or almost-clear skin while some saw up to 100% clear skin. plus, they felt fast itch relief some as early as 2 days. that's rinvoq relief. rinvoq can lower your ability to fight infections, including tb. serious infections and blood clots, some fatal, cancers including lymphoma and skin cancer, death, heart attack, stroke, and tears in the stomach
8:41 pm
or intestines occurred. people 50 and older with at least one heart disease risk factor have higher risks. don't take if allergic to rinvoq, as serious reactions can occur. tell your doctor if you are or may become pregnant. disrupt the itch and rash of eczema. talk to your doctor about rinvoq. learn how abbvie can help you save. >> here's a story in five words, "corden, i did nothing wrong." all right, julie, this is right up your alley in an interview with the "new york times," james corden says he didn't do anything wrong after balthazar restaurant owner called him the most abusive customer earlier this week. is this the response you would expect from a failed late night tv host? >> i'm disgusted. i'm so disgusted by it. then he went and apologized and then the weak owner let him come back on i want to know if he apologized to the
8:42 pm
manager and the restaurant he humiliated in public. he didn't apologize for it. now he thinks he's too good for it. >> greg: this is what he said, kat, he feels very zen and it's beneath him to care about. that means it's eating him alive. it's beneath me to care about. that means inside a big pitla of maggots going up your intestines. >> i say that a lot. that just means i'm crying a lot because i'm in pain. he apologized because he really wants to eat there. then he got too much attention that he can't ever eat there again. he's like [bleep] never eating here again. then he's on the attack. >> greg: remember when you
8:43 pm
did shots of garlic butter? >> dipping fries into pate. >> greg: like one of those drunks at westerns. up at the bar going, "bar keep, another shot of garlic butter." stuff like that. put it there. keep it going! up to the rim! garlic butter! garlic butter! and then he shoots it back. that would have taken my eye out and i would have had a hell of a lawsuit, chadwick. he said it was beneath him -- >> wouldn't notice. >> greg: my other eye. he said it was beneath him to respond but it wasn't beneath him to demand free drinks for his table because someone did something wrong. >> you're right. someone talks about how zen they are, you know they're on the verge of kicking some puppies every second of the day. according to the restaurant owner, all this really hit the fan when his wife ordered an
8:44 pm
all-yolk omelet and there was a speck of egg white in the omelet and then that just sent him over the edge. i would have loved to have been at that table next on him. >> how does that work, though? how would you know if there's egg whites -- but you mix it up. but you mix it up, right? >> egg white-only omelet. >> greg: egg white privilege! they suffer from egg white privilege! [applause] finally. applause that isn't connected to cutting people up. you know what i've noticed, will, which is incredible other than your suave good looks. >> keep going. >> greg: oh. i will. i'll never stop. just give me the chance, will. >> that sty has my attention. >> greg: i don't know where i am. the best part about this story, after this story broke, i started to get e-mails and
8:45 pm
text from world-class celebrities -- that's where my class is -- >> the late night crew? >> greg: we all talk. we're on some kind of feed at night. they say this is true. everybody knows he's a big a-hole but nobody ever talks about it until now. now they have, oh now we can talk about it. when one thing happens -- it's like he's a me too for rude people. >> there needs to be a me too for rude people. >> greg: i don't really know if that's a good idea, though. >> really? >> greg would be canceled. >> i don't even know if that's a good idea. >> greg: i've been a lot better. >> you know what, though? that really says what a talented performer is james corden because he comes off as the nice guy, the fun guy, the overweight buddy and then he's really this huge a-hole. what a talented guy! >> greg: in a way, that's like kilmeade. what? somebody talking [bleep] about him?
8:46 pm
let me know. i'll take care of that. that's my turf. i think corden is going to be my new stelter, unless he stops -- he retires. >> yeah. he is, isn't he? >> greg: i don't know what he's doing. he's british. >> might i suggest colbert? >> greg: he's next. him and i, we go way back. and he just walked by. we're like this. all right, up next, you'll be glad we didn't throw away some extra jokes from the other day. before we begin, i'd like to thank our sponsor, liberty mutual. they customize your car insurance, so you only pay for what you need. and by switching, you could even save $652. thank you, liberty mutual. now, contestants ready? go! why? why?
8:47 pm
only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty.♪ first psoriasis, then psoriatic arthritis. even walking was tough. i had to do something. i started cosentyx®. cosentyx can help you move, look, and feel better... by treating the multiple symptoms of psoriatic arthritis. don't use if you're allergic to cosentyx. before starting...get checked for tuberculosis. an increased risk of infections some serious... and the lowered ability to fight them may occur. tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms... or if you've had a vaccine or plan to. tell your doctor if your crohn's disease symptoms... develop or worsen. serious allergic reactions may occur. watch me. ask your rheumatologist about cosentyx.
8:50 pm
>> greg: time once again for leftovers. this is tv's third most popular segment in latvia. this is where i read the jokes we didn't use this week. as always, it's my first time reading these. here we go. president biden visited a basketin robbins this week -- baskin robbins this week making him the first customer to get a brain freeze before eating the ice cream.
8:51 pm
perfect! interestingly, joe has been in politics so long, when he was first elected, baskin-robbins only had two flavors. going to chop that one off. school officials and parents were outraged when a stripper appeared during an event at a michigan high school. although students were not present, officials were unsure if the stripper should be banned from the premises or brought back for career day. meanwhile, the school board says they don't condone such a sexualized performance at a high school, requesting to keep the stripper show where it belongs, in elementary schools. late late show james corden was banned from a swanky manhattan eatery. it's corden's second restaurant ban since his carpool karaoke got stuck in the drive-through at taco bell. researchers at boston university are being criticized for creating a new strain of covid-19 that killed
8:52 pm
80% of the test mice. side spokesperson for the mice, mememem-mememe. that was funny. vice president kamala harris hired an unprecedented third head speechwriter but she says she's not worried this time around because she found someone with a perfect grasp of the english language. u.s. senate hopeful john fetterman says he's almost fully recovered from the stroke that he suffered back in may. fetterman then thanked his wife and parents who never wavered in their payment of his allowance. he also credited his quick recovery to apple cider vinegar and coffee bean supplements he saw on the dr. oz show.
8:53 pm
funny. that's good. a texas land lady says she can't rent out her property, 19th century brothel, because it's haunted by horny ghosts. that's nothing. i've been having sex with a ghost for 50 years, said the first lady. a new study finds nhl players are overwhelmingly white. meanwhile, the league mentioned their previous initiative to hire black zamboni drivers but they kept getting pulled over by the cops. funny, because it's true, we think. last week in italy, a man played the saxophone while undergoing a nine-hour brain surgery remove a tumor. doctors carefully monitored him. when they enjoyed a tune, they threw a dollar in his skull. good one.
8:54 pm
joy bayhart blasted voters during "the view" saying their focus on the economy is sad and depressing. instead, she recommended voters do what she does during difficult times, focus on donuts. too easy. finally, this week, president biden erroneously promoted a nonexistent tax credit for coffee machines. in his defense a hot, brown liquid was on his mind and in his pants. thank you. don't go away. we'll be right back. vo: it's a new day. because covid vaccines just got a big update. just in time for everyone who works. with other people. just in time for... ...more togetherness. just in time to say “oh, you bet we'll be there!” because the updated vaccines can now protect against both the original covid virus and omicron. and that's a moment...
8:57 pm
8:58 pm
with my hectic life you'd think retirement would be the last thing on my mind. hey mom, can i go play video games? sure, after homework. thankfully, voya provides comprehensive solutions and shows me how to get the most out of my workplace benefits. what's the wifi password again? here you go. cool. thanks. no problem. voya helps me feel like i've got it all under control. because i do. oh she is good. voya. well planned. well invested. well protected. >> greg: actually tonight, i have a final thought about the joys of milk. no, actually, this is the last show for our stage manager nina! [applause] and we want to wish her luck. nina, i would say nina has been with us since the beginning but that's a lie, but she's been a great and
8:59 pm
valuable contributor to this show. she puts up with my insanity. part of my insanity is having this studio at 60 degrees, freezing everybody, and also, you guys aren't aware of this at home, but i rush everything in order to break records. we try to get this show as tight as possible, just like a ramone's show and she's the one that tries to keep it going. so good luck, nina! [applause] may you always be in the dark like that. chadwick, tell me a little bit about your book? >> it's called "so you've been sent to diversity training?" talked to workers all across america, retail sales workers, guys on oil rigs, police officers about their experience with dei training and what it's doing.
9:00 pm
>> greg: this is a great idea! it's real reporting. i would say it sucks and not report on it. i'm going to read that, because it's a great idea. >> thank you. thank you. buy that book. if you don't, you're probably a homophobe. >> true! >> greg: thank you, julie banderas, will and kat timpf, i'm greg gutfeld. i love you, america! >> thank you, double-g, appreciate that. i'm kevin corke in washington in for trace gallagher. breaking tonight, the eighth circuit court of appeals temporarily blocking the white house's plan to cancel billions of dollars of student loan debt. it was sent back one day after a judge dismissed the suit brought by seven states following the debt forgiveness program. we'll have more otha
224 Views
Uploaded by TV Archive on