vote count oversight? [laughs] what? that's like given the arizona candidate also be the secretary of state. oh wait, that's what we have. that's it for us tonight. greg gutfeld and the gang take it all from here, have a good night will see you tomorrow from los angeles. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> greg: happy thursday everybody. so my the only guy who's been in a great mood since the midterms? i like to thank dr. siegel. but also i'm also a silver

lining scott searcy right now i'm wearing a made of pure silver. it was a christmas gift from william to vein. [laughter] now you know it's in my safe. it appears that the republicans will take the house, and like i said last night -- [cheers and applause] thank you. i had nothing to do with it but i'll take it. [laughter] like i said keep the house, you keep the peace. so we should start thing about all the cool believe we can do now that we've the place to ourselves. i'd first: the exterminators to kill anything the previous tenants left behind. [laughter] i especially want to fumigate jerry adler's pants. i know what is in there? so many things. [laughter] oh, if his lining could talk. let's get to the bottom of hunter's laptop. or maybe not the bottom, because

who knows where that's been postmarked hunter as the first laptop that had a virus that actually needed penicillin to kill. and whoever goes to the hard drive will need extra gloves, double masks, and holy water. we already know that the feds believed that there was enough evidence to charge my tax crimes, and lying about drug use when he bought a handgun in 2018. he's pretty sure that he bought it on drugs because he filled it with the blue crayon and pig latin. with the g.o.p. house majority is time to excavate very, very laptop story in all its glory. in a matter how much the media tries to ignore it like it did the first time around we cannot force their hand and go where they don't want to go. just like hunter did with the horse. [laughter] the teleprompter said.

>> tyrus: just a whole new greg. >> greg: i'm in a really bad mood. it's not about hunter the big guy. he wasn't aware of his sons feelings that's fine after all they're not aware that he is in the ladies room in the sink. [laughter] but who are we kidding question where joe knew what was going on right joe? >> no, no, no you cannot look back. you can't look back. a wise man once said don't look back you might not like what you see. you know who said that? that was mark twain. or maybe corn pop. one of those guys. but no i can't look back, i don't even know what i was doing in 2019. i can't member what i had for breakfast. i'll take what i didn't have for breakfast, malarkey. [cheers and applause] >> greg: i also, i also would like to get to know the 51 intel agents who signed that letter

saying that hunter's laptop was russian disinformation. a claim so laughable it made vladimir putin shake with laughter and not with parkinson's. i want republicans asking the questions, no grandstanding, no overproduced loop january 6th. [laughter] i want to know how government intel agencies could so happily lend themselves to ally and want to see the emails between the tech platform, the media, and government agencies. i but is more incestuous than the royal family. what? you can look it up, i didn't but i'm sure it's there. [laughter] [laughs] >> tyrus: or you could just look. [laughs] [laughs] >> greg: or you could just look. a g.o.p. house shimming cleaning house maybe the incompetent acts

treat them like on it if there's enough lysol on the planet to accomplish that, but ted cruz already said it it's time to bleach the orchids. you remember him. he is the dhs secretary who hung his own agents to dry over mitigate. how do you say what a beach in spanish? this is what i wish geraldo was here. that famous picture that supports elise o'dea border agents whipping migrants they knew it was b.s. but he wanted tv anyway and said they were. and the president followed suit saying those guys were paid. it sounds a great message to our reporter agents sure it's a dangerous and thankless job, but at least we will screw you over too. plenty of other injuries. and sure he never get convicted by the senate but so what it would send a message that americans are can let that stuff slide. finally the big one. maybe we can find the push for the truth about the origins of covid-19. did it come from the wuhan lab?

or a dirty butter knife at the aurora ihop? [laughter] or was it the bond water from kat's office? [laughter] [laughs] it feels like it's something he wants us to forget about you know like he does with his pants when he's heading down to the oval office. as graybill shakespeare once said. it sounded better in the kings anguish but you get the meaning. according to a poll i made up of my head just now most americans are in agreement that someone or something should be held accountable or i don't know maybe someone whose last name rhymes with grouchy? or some country. i just spitballing him. but millions died in expert slide, and no one is getting fried we bombed countries for less. and yet here we are coming up on three years later just like

truffle fries we still don't know where kobe came from. but we are seeing the long-term consequences all across the country things also impart to democrats. if you don't believe me go ask a fifth-grader if he knows how to do long division question work he won't which is why a fire at him accountant. that any got hot chocolate on my w9. the geo page should view tuesday is a chance to bring accountability and sanity back to government. also it'll just be fun as to watch. and frankly we have earned it. [applause] [cheers and applause] tennites guests. he is the reason cravings are called joan singh, lawrence jones, sorry on saturday nights lawrence jones. [cheers and applause] as a wrestler he raised cane as mayor he is lowering the boom.

wwe wrestler glenn jacobs. [cheers and applause] she is bone year than the museum of natural history. fox news contributor kat timpf. [cheers and applause] and no one's ever given him a bag over rating. my massive sidekick tyrus. [cheers and applause] mayor jacobs congratulations on being the first person be taller than tyrus on the show. >> glenn: are all big guys, but apparently does only one big guy. you see how he actually rolls is in it? >> greg: i want to ask you if you could pick the investigations which one would be of interest to you? >> glenn: i cannot wait to see ron paul. finally taken the gloves all the way off. [cheers and applause] because as you said mr. i am the science, he crushed any

sentiment even from credible sources. the lockdowns were the worst public policy mistake this country is ever made shred of the constitution, destroyed, hurt people. the title i amnesty for covid, covid amnesty they need to be talk about covid, covert accountability. >> greg: a lot of sees. also, if you're still doing gain of function. right? which a study just a few weeks ago or so my question i can remember i was high. but you get my point. that's crazy. lawrence. whistling wrong with me? note i got a puppy and it's make him angry all time. [laughs] it supposed to be the opposite it's all over the place i'm up at 6:00 a.m., i'm never up unless i'm coming home.

[laughs] [laughs] anyway. all the kids jokes coming back. [laughs] what you think lawrence on with this anymore. [laughs] 's before i got a lot to say. so look, i agree i partially agree with the monologue because you want to feel good they tortured a lot of people. so it's human nature you want retaliation. that is who we are and what says they don't retaliation just lying to themselves. the problem is i feel like it's not can encompass anything i don't go to jail. i want people to go to jail actually. right? i'm tired of criminals just walking the street, the government officials, the b. i think the republicans are unique position italy defense. that is stopping the joe biden administration not to do anymore damage on people. i've never seen democrats come up with republicans, everyone is

just pistol off. will the doing so what can i do? go off after the irs agents. we did we stopped at in the way you do it you could hire them, but they won't get a paycheck i guarantee that they quit. [cheers and applause] you do that, also the fbi agents of the other ones were just buying go after them. make sure they get no funding. the republicans are gonna have the pen of the purse, that's how you undo these bad ideas, because everything when it comes to labels as they want you to fund these three ideas that they have. that we have to pay for. so i think it should be about as much someone agree with you greg i think the investigation needs to happen, but want to be asked to true power. >> greg: oh get them off the show, agree with me. i agree me. who cares if there is no progress? who cares if there are no results question right it'll be fun and we can talk about on the

show every night. >> kat: i don't know what we talk about anything else especially if your bond water joke. really good. great job. [laughs] [laughs] no, i don't know why it does not more people who want to see covid be investigated. it's really absurd that a stopping a sopping investigated. it's kind of like if you have that friend you can go out with and they get super hammered at the disaster of a night and then they hit you up like haley doing this weekend? and you like, you're not outside about how you threw up on the dance floor? and i like jan must've been that bad super 8. could happen anyone, no i say to 15 shots. i'll make sure that this doesn't happen again. if you don't know what can easily happen again. there really suck for me. i didn't even have to be the real problems like i didn't die no i know died our kids out to

be at home with. slick for the people to have those problems it's way worse. >> greg: i know people who died from it. i know people whose lives have been premier li from it. i really care if it's our fault, if it's american's fault. on a care yet out. >> tyrus: first of all i said several times first order of business is the border need to be held countable. let's not forget that even right now those men and women are still pending punishment so they still have it over their head. there and have some fine, some suspense. it's that sitting over top your head not to mention was the apology? if you live in the cities and neighborhoods of people say know this, the vet. that's number one and kat, i disagree as i look at covid like i was in a bad marriage. and when she left the last thing

i wanted would be to go to therapy and talk about why didn't help. i'm so happy to be free i don't want to see her anymore, i don't want to talk it wasn't you it was me. i'm fine with it. many go outside and enjoy the sun you just be miserable it's fine. it's me. it's me. >> kat: just to clarify it could be good for you to go to individual therapy to make sure you don't end up in a marriage like that again? >> tyrus: the next time i see that i just go the other way. >> kat: are you sure? [laughs] [laughs] history can repeat itself. >> tyrus: i'm happily married by the way. oh absolutely. [laughs] [laughs] [laughs] >> greg: none of this is real. i'm not even sure if i'm here right now. i just could be a bad dream having. happy face that's the real

problem lawrence. all right that was sarcastic joke. you people i mean is my guess. [laughs] [laughs] all right up next -- they want their debts forgiven so the upgrade to how their living. [cheers and applause]

>> greg: i guess it's time for our -- ♪ ♪ >> greg gutfeld presents i really, really, really, really [bleep] hate these people. [applause] >> greg: with the bailout plan

on debt federal loan borrowers make an 250k see their loan debt reduced by ten grand. hundreds of billions of tax dollars to reward dopes who racked up debt for useless degrees to water people plan to do with the extra cash? they siphon for plumber's work and families smart enough not to pursue gender studies. [laughs] intelligent.com surveyed over 12 and a people who applied our plan to apply for the program among the findings 73% plan to spend a debt forgiveness on nonessential things. i travel, dining out, and new tech gadgetry. so's nonessential chasing the nonessential. and twice as many democrats say it's acceptable to spend the money on nonessentials. but it was hard to find on democrats for the survey here is the most insane one. 77% admit that they could use the money more wisely. assuming like a savings account, vocational education or the very

least a fishing rod. in other words even the people in this bailout know it's wrong, but they don't give a [bleep] because cancun here we come. i had great times there. that doesn't stick in your brought you need to get your cross-examine. or slain any what the hell across is. i would to the doctor lawrence. [laughs] i was surprised by the size. what if you're keep doing it. it is to keep doing it. and then he gave me an ointment. >> kat: were good, were good. >> greg: are you is upset about the stuff as i am? i'm sorry about the bailouts. i gonna disagree with me? [laughter] >> what he identifies as a bird let him have it.

>> lawrence: can i be honest? i'm 29. i'm in a group so let me say i'm not incentivized, and to paying for it anyway. but i may have put the money for my loans in a different account to seal this plays out. because it's not fair. it's not fair. i have it thank god blessed to be here i got a little. okay? some of the change away i can do it but only seal this plays out. because i be stupid. >> greg: loud you paid out? it's not your fault to take stomach that's free. could be a better person lawrence but i've given up on that. >> lawrence: wow. >> greg: heresy of different perspective? >> tyrus: for a guy who bought his truck and a hammer and went to work to to get a check for

that? or the mom and daddy didn't go on vacations the put model johnny through school just for them to tell me never loved him enough but they like that money back. it goes back to the same thing that is to learn the lessons, free money is always bad. of course they are not gonna spend it on what they're supposed to, that's what they were doing in the first place. you got your money for education need to buy books? no you went to cancun. and then you called home for top ramen and money for books because they're physically irresponsible and you encourage it. so when i see this i laugh of course lisa being honest about it now. unlike spirit airlines i'm surprised they sold because her to be busy for next year and a half. that's where the doing. >> lawrence: this me of save the democrats the last election as a result these went to the ballot box. they bought the vote i didn't think of actual work. >> greg: it was a bribe.

it also pitches me off that it's a bribe that help the democrats, but we are playing for the bribe at least a mafia when they bribe politicians it was their money. >> glenn: i'm absolutely shocked who would've thought of the federal government just gives people money with oversight and then they wasted i'm baffled, i'm shocked. i can't believe it. [applause] [applause] dear sweet greg has never committed a crime in your entire life i would just like to let you know it's not the mafia's money. >> greg: i know, i know i know i understand >> kat: them off you get all of its through hard work. >> greg: does this weird thing in the survey that said 80% of men -- i don't know. men say that spending on nonessentials is the right thing to do compared to 67% of one of them.

so women. >> lawrence: put your glasses on. >> greg: apparently there are a difference is you? [laughter] saved it. >> kat: first of all great job. [laughs] [laughs] well okay on the one hand with a lot of the stuff that's going on colleges these days you probably could learn more at a chili's so if the going there and spending this money to go out to dinner okay i'm not a big rules person, but i love to make this rule where if you do use this money you got for free because her student loans to little restaurant we sit down at the till your server the battery doing. this may be your server didn't get to go to college and they need me different decision hey just so you know thank you for this meal the year i should for because he chose light show still [bleep] offer for years. >> greg: amen.

[applause] [applause] i think that we should have a right so if you're at a resort in the person next to you tells you how they paid for it and you like okay you for right to beat the -- unless the one of these guys. >> lawrence: greg, who are you gonna beat up? you can even see. [applause] >> greg: i understand. >> tyrus: he does is fighting with emails, scathing emails of disappointed some anger. >> kat: were never to let it go. >> tyrus: from a safe distance in his little cabin. with his dog whining all night. look i'm trying to write. >> kat: i love when you call it the writers cavern. >> tyrus: he has one chair in there and it shows tim it's a one guess. >> greg: okay. a liberal das ego inflates along with violent crime rates.

[cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ timber... fortunately, they were covered by progressive, so it was a happy ending... for almost everyone.

[laughter] >> greg: that should be a children's book on your city it's because our leaders release all the felons will climb explodes like mount st. helens. "the new york post" thank you. thank you like fluid do a little bit of geography. they caught up with outside the office yesterday. and no he wasn't or. we call that the trifecta though forefront of reducing crime for felonies and misdemeanors lead to a dramatic spike in violent crime. nursing bullet wounds concerns about crime. telling the post that manhattan voters have spoken yet again... off to keep manhattan sake. brett and then dashing to the

office before hidden by a psycho 15 minutes early. but off to keep manhattan safe, see from what exactly? say from a crime free life? a calm subway ride? or walking apart without being shot by alec baldwin? when it comes to keeping manhattan safe they got better odds drink in the water from geraldo's hall tub. [laughter] it's very spicy. meanwhile florida is bracing, bracing for an influx of new residents trading in their mace for sunscreen record numbers and new yorkers have already moved their call for the real estate brokers expect the trend to continue signing crime quality of taxes. the big apple in such an great shape even the rats are relocating. and they vote democrat. would you move to florida if i would allow it? >> kat: obviously.

>> greg: next question. >> kat: all this talk about all the stuff went skinny new york is any stuff too. were probably getting an influx of felons. like the economy here is bad but the black market economy is probably great. there's never been a better time for crime or a better place, whenever you accuse me of being a drug dealer like i wish. [laughter] [laughter] i wouldn't need this job. i would be a great cocaine kingpin. [laughs] >> greg: it's a weird boast is in it. >> tyrus: og mama. >> kat: i think i'd be great. >> greg: try to ignore or ignore all of that. how do you deal with the crime issue where you are? has he gotten worse where you are or what's the deal? >> glenn: unfortunately the crime rates are higher, but we

look at florida is not just florida where people are coming or going to texas and are going to tennessee we are seeing a lot of people come from blue states, the tart of the taxes, the chart of the crime you're tired of their schools i can like indoctrination centers instead of centers for education. when it comes to crime good guys carry guns too. we believe that makes all of us. >> greg: it is absolutely impossible. i have a gun permit with the department. >> tyrus: i know a guy which you need greg? >> greg: when you know it's funny i thought about that if i got caught with it then i go to jail. >> tyrus: we do not condone bad behavior at all. if you must sometimes shift as yourself is it better to be in trouble because you are yourself and protect yourself and your final possibly go to jail okay. but i'm gonna home tonight.

the good news is there's no cash bail so i will be out to remind the guy why i whipped is asked in the first place for trying to run my house. sometimes shift away it. with people moving things like that i think it's on the election biggest things. i will tennessee talk about texas and florida. wishing opportunity share with democrats. we just want a good life. we want opportunity. these blue states what bothers me the most the problem is the airheads. yes you mayor won i didn't win by a huge margin actually considering how blue new york is. >> greg: it was only manhattan that voted for him. with leadership to be we won but to hear the other side. sorghum's with the different spirit how amazing would that be? were to work tomorrow and try to find some things work a look at bail, just at least the illusion

to actually give a [bleep] about half your population. not literally bragging of home to keep manhattan safe, well right now we don't even have all-star videos because you don't with all the violence and stuff. that says more about him. it is anything else the fact that you don't even hear half the population. they aren't happy and things like. >> greg: it was also taught in a way some psycho joe biden said why don't have to change. i think is 80% of manhattan is eldon voss by 4-5% which is really close for republican that means almost everybody else voted for is eldon. >> tyrus: is the same problem in california. >> greg: wants what think? it is so frustrating. i thing to keep no cash bill n now? >> lawrence: i thought the

d.a. would change with crime. some he stole his neck. no? i thought that would be like -- [cheers and applause] that was me. question of did that. >> tyrus: he got stung by a bee. [laughs] osma >> lawrence: but on a serious note or worry about i move back to texas in january so were packing we don't have this issue even though yes, they are criminals that are action, but they are met with a piece of steel so it serves as a deterrent i'm afraid what's in happy york is that it's coming to a point people are reaching a breaking point and you gonna start to see vigilante justice we don't want that because that doesn't do well in a civil society. what happens when you push people in a corner they become hopeless. and the cops can't do the job right? because you demonize and i don't

have the proper funding. there's a shortage of cops. the das just outright will do their job. that's it we don't have the discretion anymore. the politician sibley don't care. they have security detail we know the security detail sort of people supposed to do? there are to take up arms ladies knives. and there to break the law we don't want them. but i guarantee you when the victim's face for the jury the jury is in a side with that victim. every single time. [applause] [applause] >> greg: nicely said. >> lawrence: thank you. that was smooth i know. >> tyrus: are you okay? >> greg: house getting choked up. that's all my eyes are watering. you might have to hold me lawrence. coming up, bad news for the hottest cohead in the room for a class happens to be on zoom.

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>> greg: welcome back. except you. learning at home goes to pot come only if you are really hot. a swedish study. found attractive women higher grades and glasses like business and expect economics but only when those classes were in person. perverted researchers looked at the grades of engineering students compared to their attractiveness which is determined by a team of 74 people. wait question what they found 74 people to sit around and rate women based on their looks who would ever volunteered do that? [laughter] [laughter] it turns out the hot woman lost her advantage when classes were online instead of in person while attractive men kept their bandage regardless. which is weird because we set a

woman's place was supposed to be in the house. the house of representatives. but not the senate or the white house. the difference doesn't apply to physics which depends more on tests than on the scare. plus the only math that chicks can do as calculating how much you guys hard-earned money they can steal and a divorce. >> a sexist would say. >> greg: i guess they can hire a male lawyer to figure all that out. >> yet what another sexist would say. >> wow. >> greg: i think this study tells us that teachers are attracted to the students when they take the student out of the classroom they can give them better grades thank you all go them. thank you. >> lawrence: i've been trying to figure out the entire day.

>> greg: why? >> lawrence: all make since we came out so ugly against those women. you were the nerd that they were cheating on. delegate your paperwork and your mad. >> greg: no i love this study. >> lawrence: you were the nerd hawk? >> greg: i went to an all-boys school. >> lawrence: so they were transgender. >> greg: hughes to kick my, i still that story they sit behind me in spanish class and kick my desk. give anything else to add? all right. mayor, i'm sure you've tackle this topic many times. how attractiveness is decreased when on zoom calls. give a policy or plan for this? >> glenn: back in my day we didn't have the internet when i went to school we didn't have zoom calls because i know that my dashing good looks carried me through school.

safilo that is true you are one hot hunk of meat. mayor? [laughs] [laughs] >> greg: where my tyrus? >> tyrus: unknown. nobody did better online learning. nobody. whether you're ugly, frumpy, fat, fat, skinny, smart, stupid. no one did better. and once again everyone has to stop and say all the pretty people didn't do good. welcome to the club. none of us to good. delano did good was my 8-year-old who changed her name to buffering on the thing and put a white piece of paper of the computer and literally for three weeks just had the time of her life in a room. until i got a note saying that buffering had interned in any of their schoolwork. and their name was changed to

whipping. nobody does better with online learning. >> lawrence: that was pretty smart. >> tyrus: i was proud of her privately. and in front of her mother, outraged. [laughs] and i tried used for work. [laughs] [laughs] >> greg: i wouldn't of fallen for that. >> tyrus: okay. [laughs] >> greg: kat don't you think what we're learning here is that may be remote work is the great equalizer? >> kat: no it is not. i've read the thing, i read the thing and it made a difference for attractive women, but didn't make a difference for attractive men. so that's what we all know. women, women are attracted to other qualities in men they're more likely to be attracted to things other than physical appearance whereas men like wallace sometimes, sometimes our ambition or sense of humor while men will go out with the broomstick as long as it has [bleep] and an.

[cheers and applause] >> tyrus: i have nothing. i've had a broomstick or two. not now. to get the conversation back on the rails. >> glenn: tyrus is right it was horrible. it was absolutely terrible's were the worst things we'll be paying for it for a whole generation. >> greg: only get back to the broomsticks. >> tyrus: will you are more of a dustpan guy. [laughs] [laughs] [applause] >> tyrus: don't leave me hanging. what you want to see him with a broomstick? the bottom of it? look like a little which you can get on it. >> greg: i've no idea, why am i here? i wish i could've taken today off. >> tyrus: you can't, your

little puppy is waiting for you. [laughs] >> greg: up next is this employee a jerk for not socializing outside of work? ♪ ♪ oh nice. kevin, where are you... kevin?!?!?.... hey, what's going on? i'm right here! i was busy cashbacking for the holidays with chase freedom unlimited. i'm gonna cashback on a gingerbread house! oooh, it's got little people inside! and a snowglobe. oh, i wished i lived in there. you know i can't believe you lost another kevin. it's a holiday tradition! that it is! earn big time with chase freedom unlimited. ♪

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♪ ♪ >> a story in 5 words. >> greg: gen c, no hour.

reporting than employees in their 20s, a.k.a. before not so socialized with colleagues outside of work and say no to happy hour. >> tyrus: makes my happy hour happy. the last thing i want to see what i'm trying to talk about sports and trash about my other half so like this. [applause] but he wants -- >> greg: it's so true, it's so true. that's all they do. their entire bodies are going to evolve. >> kat: no i'm a millennial. >> greg: what you say? yes, it is. >> kat: is like a story like jens a dozen have a job no new jobs and hang out its roots are all on molly. >> greg: they all just got fired from twitter.

didn't worry about there to touch people so they go places where they can do that. >> greg: lawrence question worksheets almost onto a salient point. it has to deal. >> kat: the nicest thing you've ever said to me. [laughs] >> greg: i think it has to do with the current climate of sexual harassment. to ask you want to hang outside with coworkers and risk getting in trouble because you might asked somebody out curriculum saying? by accident with some sorry. i accidentally gave you my phone number. >> lawrence: i think it just broke. [laughs] i do, because the jens ears ran off all the men. they don't want us open doors, the ones with it themselves but then they don't have any money. so i think that's what happens. when you think mayor? >> glenn: first and only know what a jens he is the second point the close like i'm sick and how anymore is having a shirley temple with my granddaughters i really can't commentate on this.

it's a happy hour. [laughs] [laughs] [applause] >> greg: you are such a politician. spitting up shirley temple? >> kat: you can't even think of a drink without alcohol in it. >> glenn: i said shirley temple. >> tyrus: you awful mean little man. >> greg: you would cut truly temple at half? [laughs] >> greg: i guess this is overhaul? you are off the rails. >> greg: don't go away will be right back. [applause]

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and how farxiga can help. if you can't afford your medication, astrazeneca may be able to help. ♪far-xi-ga♪ >> greg: we are out of time. thanks, to our studio audience, >> thank you, greg. welcome to fox news at night. i'm trace gallagher in los angeles. and breaking tonight, brand new vottotals coming out of arizona and nevada. the numbers are changing the spread. but so far, not enough to call any of the key races. we'll get you caught up on precisely where things stand. breaking right now, a major legal