patriot awards. i want to thank all of you, this enthusiastic crowd for being us until the very end. god bless all of you and you patriots out there, remember in america now and forever. greg gutfeld and the whole gang take it over from here. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> greg: happy thursday, everyone. i've only been employed of her two days and have already picked up two reverse mortgages.

that's what i call -- prostitutes. so let's look at some headlines that i saw today. texas school district has changed its rules to require students to use bathrooms that align with their gender assigned at birth. [cheers and applause] when one student was asked about the ruling she said it doesn't affect me either way. i identify as a bear and a leap in the woods. according to projections from the united nations the population of the planet has officially hit the billions, but don't worry, chicago mayor of lori lightfoot says she is confident she can double the murder rate. [laughter] southern california is bracing this week for what could be the strongest santa ana winds of the year. you know, man, it's a good thing no one in l.a. lives in a tent.

[laughter] madonna recently posted revealing photos that some are calling and appropriate. and one photo she was clutching a bag made by balenciaga and another bag made by colostomy. [laughter] all right. according to a new survey, 40% of consumers say amazon delivery drivers are the most attractive. in response a jealous ups workers are promising to show morris skin. let's do a monologue, might get a little weird but stay with me. but tonight and want to talk about dogs. as i am sure you note, i recently got a dog of my own. yes, i got sick of stealing other people's at the park. his name is gus, and unlike the cast of "the review will" he does not bite people when he is hungry and is almost potty trained.

and unlike joe biden he does not mark his territory with urine and can make it upstairs by himself. true, joe is just another mammal that needs to be walked. but since i got gus i realized something interesting about dogs as they relate to politics. you see, i think dogs are the great unifier. as much as certain leaders try to tear this country apart, sometimes dogs quietly help keep us together. okay, pelosi is very divisive, because she is 90% pit bull, but we have been together for 30,000 years, you know, when people were barely clothed and smelt awful, but enough about seth rogen. so dogs must really like us. think about it, dogs might be the one thing people from all sides of the political spectrum can agree on that they love, well, that and pizza. there are even communists that love dogs, but usually on pizza.

hey, the truth hurts. and remember during the riots or a cnn called ed to peaceful protests, there is no torching of pet stores well, one story, but the animals were saved by one dude. >> let's go! [barking] >> greg: so why is that? part of it is that pets provide the perfect companions with none of the baggage. dogs are easy to understand, they want food, walks, petted, it's like a spouse minus the complaining. and like a spouse, sometimes they bring me a dead bird bird while her friend might talk your ear off about global warming, your corgi won't bark at you over the green new deal appeared he might on your living room rug, but jerry nadler will do both. but some dogs can be interested

in politics if given the right mentor, here is gus when he hears the start of tucker's show. it >> tucker: good evening and welcome to you was to be 24, the frustrating thing about the news media and how horrible they are is that they need them coming you can't understand the world except through the news media. >> greg: but here is gus when he hears brian kilmeade. [snoring] ♪ ♪ to be fair to gus, almost everyone has that reaction when they hear brian kilmeade speak including crack addicts. i'm sure there are some interesting parallels between dogs and democrats, we know that dogs like some dems will hump anything if given the chance, and yes, some dogs and dems have flees, and dogs sometimes fart

on tv. but for the most part dogs create infinitely more love in the world and they do problems. >> [laughs] and if you still don't believe me, me, cat, and aoc all have a frenchy, a libertarian, a not bag all have the same breed, do i feel sorry for aoc as much, imagine listening to that bark all day. and you constantly have to clean up after her. and no offense to cats or cat owners out there, but your pets have a lot going for them too, but crapping in the box and one of them, and if you are a professional wrestler that owns some turtles, that's okay. that giant turtles would make a great pet for nancy pelosi, they both live for hundreds of years.

but just remember the next time you accidentally spilled peanut butter, and i'm not sure how you spell peanut butter, but if you do somewhere on your body, your cat won't be there to help get it off you! but your dog or maybe brian stelter definitely will. if ana navarro does not beat him to it. let's welcome tonight's guests! she is blown away when she forgets to fill her backpack with rocks, cohost of "america's newsroom" and "the five" dana perino. and observations on our culture gives the left and ulcer, host of "tucker carlson tonight," tucker carlson. [cheers and applause] she's like the daytona 500, loud and full of smoke, fox news contributor kat timpf. [cheers and applause] and florida may have the longest

coastline, but tyrus has the longest clothesline, my sidekick and television champion! so first off i have to go to you, dana, i have to apologize because for many years, maybe ten years i have been making fun of you and your silly obsession with dogs, you know, whether it was percy, or jasper, and now i realize i am a hypocrite, and wanted to show you briefly what i have become and it is worse than you. [laughs] silly boy. you are silly boy. [laughs]illy boy there you go. so, dana. i am disgusting. what has happened to me? is this a colt? >> dana: is a little bit of a cult. it is a gift i believe from god,

dogs for all of us, and once you get it, you get it, i always believe that you secretly liked jasper, but maybe i don't know -- >> greg: the one thing i had a problem with was when he is on his hind legs, he is taller than me. >> dana: at the dog park, and one great thing about new york is that central park does allow dogs to have fun and run around, and i had a rule, no politics at the dog park, so somebody says, what you think it's going to have been in the election, oh, sorry, i don't do that here. we just talk about her dogs. and to your point, it is a great unifier, and a good way to start a conversation and a conversation or something that you can always find a safe space with your dogs. >> greg: very good, tucker, are any of your dogs political? >> tucker: no, and that's why i like them. the beauty of dogs as they have no memory, none, and they hold no grudges, and everything is always thrilling. everything is the first time. my dogs, the oldest is 16, the

youngest is a year and a half, they have eaten dog food everything will day. >> greg: you mean your dogs. >> tucker: my dogs, and they are thrilled when you give them dog food. not one time is it like dog food? they are like dog food! are you serious? dog food! that's my oldest, that's my youngest, all spaniels, my hunting dog. i admire my dogs. they have really beautiful so souls. >> greg: your dog is 16? >> tucker: our oldest make is 16. >> greg: that's really old for a dog. >> dana: he took good care of her. >> greg: that's 112. >> tucker: sleeps on the bed next to me every night. >> greg: sleeping with a 112-year-old. that makes two of us. >> tucker: that's all paul pelosi move. >> greg: you are terrible, but i had to repeat it in case anybody missed it. so, kat, you have a dog much,

your dog is -- 's be on's uncle. >> greg: is that weird? >> kat: yes, it is. but you also have accused my dog of some horrible things. you used to tell love carl, now you say that carl is a bad influence on gus. it is not a joke, he did not want carl to come over because he was being a bad influence on his puppy. a dog. my dog does not like smoke cigarettes. >> greg: [laughs] he was hopping on the furniture. >> kat: oh, so was i. [laughter] still wear you. >> greg: that is true. there was a lot of hopping going on. but no, and there is a conflict between you and your dog carl and jeans, your cat. >> kat: always trying to get carl canceled. he keeps trying to report him for different crimes, but nothing ever happens, but i just

talked to them today actually, no he says he is going to say that carl was at january 6th. >> greg: [laughs] >> kat: so i have to deal with that when i get home. >> greg: carl -- if a frat boy was a dog. >> kat: yes the frat-ist dog of all time. and jeans is so old and feral and sick and i love them so much. >> greg: yes, you do. tyrus, i have asked you this before, how many pets do you have? >> tyrus: i have a zoo, so i fit in just fine in florida. a lot of exotic animals and of course we have our yorkie sugar who identifies as a hunting german shepherd, and i have the bodies of plenty of birds and moles and squirrels who just thought they can make it. and my doberman is coming saturday, so i'm pretty excited. but i have an exotic zoo. when i was told that you cannot go to the zoo and do those things, i just built my own.

so i have chameleons, turtles, talking about turtles again, something is going to happen. lizards, i have about 500 different species of sick lates that i breathe for fun and don't share, so i have a lot. you are seeing some. my chameleon and those are my turtles that you try to make fun of. and could easily be. that is my grossly overweight that i obviously need to walk more. >> greg: what is a tagoo? >> tyrus: it is a lizard, they are about as smart as a cat and have 40 different species of python. that's my odd couple. python with a tree frog that got in there and i assumed it was the tree frogs ass, but turns out they are bffs. i was like that tree frog is still in there. and that's the love and harmony in my stuff. if those two can get along, anybody can.

[applause] >> greg: on that happy note -- [applause] up next, while nancy fly away on her broom since the g.o.p. controlled the room?

i'll remember that chapter of my life forever. we laughed. we cried. we protected that progressive home & auto bundle day and night. we left our blood, sweat, and tears on that yard. well...jamie did anyway.

>> greg: welcome back, so democrat hopes get doused as the g.o.p. controls the house. there was no red way of a lass, but we will settle for an impasse. but will this blow to her megalomania make pelosi returned to transylvania? yes, we are dr. seuss at florida. at the g.o.p. has finally clinched control of the house. they have one chamber wall the dems still have a chamber and nancy pelosi sleeps in while the sun is out. they control the house by a

margin slimmer then me in a pair of skinny jeans. but like my stuttering cousin used to say, win is a win. still like all great questions, like why do fools fall in love? what have in all of tucker's bow ties? what's up next for the republican-controlled house? the only thing both parties agree on is war and that adam schiff is probably an alien. so will gridlock ensue? the split control of congress it's as inevitable as me bailing kat out of jail tonight. but no policy changes are actually a good thing for stocks. but also brace for investigations. kevin mccarthy who will be the new speaker has already discussed plans to investigate the big guy and people in his inner circle including his son hunter who has more shady deals than an awning salesman. [applause] an awning salesman.

they have already announced an investigation as to whether he was involved in the overseas shenanigans and what of dracula's bride? well, nancy, she announced today that she won't seek a leadership post. [applause] she will also show her willingness to compromise by bathing in the blood of 15 virgins instead of her usual 20. i wonder what joe will say about this. >> oh, yeah, i miss nancy, she's a good gal, nobody could rip up a state of the union like her! but there won't be any investigations. you can investigate me, i don't remember anything. yeah, you know, when i say don't remember, i will be telling the truth! i don't even know where i am right now! all i know is i am in a foreign country and they make me wear jackets like this. >> greg: that's right, what do you predict will happen with the

g.o.p. in charge of the house? >> tucker: i love your stuttering cousin, a win is a win. who writes that? >> greg: i wrote that. things that make me grimace. a >> tucker: if i just wrote that, i would retire. >> greg: i thought it was something that my stuttering cousin would say. >> tucker: do you have one? >> greg: no, nothing i say is true. >> tucker: i know that, that's why i like it. you know, they have some internal drama to settle, the republican party, so like what does the republican party stand for? we know what it stands against, the current insanity to the nation of the country, so many things, but what is it for? that is not a settled question and i think it will be when a nominee is chosen and that person will run the republican party, but right now it's a jump ball and there is a lot going on with the speaker's race and kevin mccarthy, so it is very hard to predict, but i think i know what the first battle will be, i don't know how it will wind up but over ukraine, and now that we know that this

crypto exchange was actually like the finance arm of the democratic party was in partnership with the government of ukraine, i think it's a lot more complicated and that becomes a real debate very soon. >> greg: you know, kat, tucker said your favorite word, funding. we will do a lot of segments on funding. remember how fun that was on "the five" nothing better than an a block on funding, but you are a libertarian, you hate funding. >> kat: no, i just like to keep my own funding. [laughter] [applause] i would actually love funding me, and i don't need you to fund me, just let me fund myself. >> greg: you are totally into funding yourself. >> kat: yeah! look at, coming out of the gate and being like we investigate hunter, i get where that comes from, but most people are like okay, can we figure out why

cheese costs $47? can we do something about that? going to the grocery store, it's like if -- it's like walking around and getting slapped in the face over and over again. you see how much things -- and that, i am disgusting, i am greg, we get it. because i get where they will want to do it, but they have to do something else and stand for something rather than okay, people went after trump, so we will go after this gaia, especially when so many people are struggling right now. [applause] >> greg: tyrus, i disagree with kat, i want to hunter biden investigation because there are so many bells and whistles and man, the ratings for the show are going to be amazing. >> tyrus: the ratings are fine, and of course you just want to talk about prostitutes and weird stuff. that's why. but if you like sometimes, you know, you always often, i was wondering how does wrestling equate to politics? such a different thing, but then it is like in wrestling, we know

how to build the card and what that means is that the house needs to pay attention, children is you don't have the biggest match first. if you build, okay. so the first thing is how about dealing with that leap at the border with those officers whose lives were changed, who were accused of racist whipping people and -- you want to impeach somebody, get on that! second please do something about the irs! those two things, whether you are a democrat, independent, moderate, republican you will be like those things are good things, because if we have not learned anything in these last two elections it is the republican party is outnumbered. there are more democrats than there are republicans, and we see that, so what do we have to do? we have to build bridges. you save hunter biden until i don't know, six months before the next election, when that stuff comes out and he is running again, you will be like,

look at all of this dirt. and we look at all of the stuff they did and they are bringing him to justice, that's how you build bridges and that's how you win collections. stop -- hunter is great, but fix the stuff and please, the men and women on the border who have been treated like criminals who risk their lives every day, they deserve the attention of the house first. [cheers and applause] >> greg: all right! so i think what tyrus is saying, dana, is the border, irs, then we get the hookers. >> dana: that's when we get them? i will put it in my calendar. they have a lot to deal with in terms of the fact that the joe biden is going to have the dash remember when obama said i have a pen and a phone, that was after he lost the majority, what does he do? legislation went down but regulations went way, way up. that's one of the reasons why their oversight committees and can check in. where is basically the homeland -- not homeland, but homeland security secretary, he

needs it, but health and human secretary is in the witness protection program, where is he been? we have a lot of talking about with the origins of covid, someday can have some account ability on that front. on nancy pelosi i think it's interesting that she would not have just decided today to leave congress altogether. instead she is just quiet quitting, such as not to be like actually, i'm not going to be in leadership anymore, i'm just going to send in the back. and how is the new guy supposed to feel like an powered when she is always going to be looking over his shoulder? >> greg: the ghost of the past just haunting. >> kat: she would be like, i would not have done it that way. >> dana: exactly. >> greg: liberal laws give gangs opportunity to shopliftol. with impunity. ♪ ♪ it's what sanctuary could look like... feel like... sound like... even smell like. more on that soon. ♪ ♪ the best part? the prequel is pretty sweet too.

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better, target losses mount from the five finger discount, retail stores count their losses as liberals treat shoplifters bike bosses. reporting a loss in 400 million bucks this year due to shoplifters, organize gangs that have methodically looted the retail locations without fear of arrest. they're almost showing off like me at the gym, or the. that's according to target cfo who says they expect shoplifting to reduce the gross margin by more than 600 million by the end of the year. or in the business what we call one -- it's not just target that is a target, everyone is a target. retailers across the country have reported increases in theft as criminals become more brazen in regular people become more desperate. thieves don't even get a slap on the wrist. i'm surprised liberal mayors don't help the thieves carry their bags on the way out.

the national retail federation estimates an overall loss of $94 billion in stolen goods last year. that's more than anything the mafia has ever done without any of the delicious italian food and funny nicknames like joey two pants and tommy to fish. and while their city crumbles, chicago mayor lori lightfoot is releasing goofy campaign ads. >> mayor lori lightfoot launches -- >> has lightfoot done anything? >> she is delivering, the number one for corporate expansion and ranked best american city, even 5,000 google jobs, and she was cool during covid. [doorbell] >> hey, did you order thousands of new jobs and a pepperoni? >> told you she delivers. >> greg: that raises the key question, right? why is the mayor delivering

pizza? because it chicago, the actual delivery person got murdered. [applause] so tyrus, you know, after the hurricane desantis had a very brief solution it was a reminder that leaders get shot, this is not like after a hurricane, just an ongoing consistent problem that we have kind of given up on, any solutions? >> you know, i live in louisiana and i did not need ron desantis to tell me that, because we also carry. and we sometimes if you step in my house unannounced shoot first and hide the body later. and i think that message was resoundingly clear to criminals like wow, there is not going to be a woke campaign on my behalf, so i'm going to keep that out of my ass since you like to rhyme, but targets in these big chains are able to get insurance for

the theft, but eventually those rates will go up and what they will do is they will look at the poor neighborhoods and pull out. so just like you are seen with the walgreens and cvs across the nation, they are closing up shop, they are moving on, and then what do you have? because a mom and pops, they can't stay open anymore. because of all the free money that was passed around in stolen and a lot of those businesses went out of business because they took loans to hold on until dad's free money was coming from the government, and never came because it was dispersed and all over the country. so you will see target, the signs will come down. it will be empty buildings everywhere and then of course what is going to go up even more? crime and people will continue to move. so the big ones are taking it now, but if this continues in the next six months he will see target pulling up from the neighborhoods that depend on them for employment, medications, food, all of that will be gone and what will be left? >> greg: you know, dana, what tyrus is talking about does not affect the people making decisions, because they do not shop in the neighborhoods come

so it's very easy for a liberal politician to basically say you know what, the insurance companies will take care of it, then there are dozens of cases that go away, but they don't shop there, they don't care. >> dana: they have somebody do it or have amazon deliver it, you don't want to wait for someone to get you to dilute the lament deodorant. i mean it's a good decision. >> greg: i know i smell pungent, but a lot of people find it kind of arousing. >> dana: yeah, that would not be me. but the other thing is that the liberal politicians, they will blame target. and in some ways it is target to blame a little bit, but why are we allowing this to happen? and it is really a tax on everybody else. i read from that same organization the national retail folks that for every $300 that has stolen it takes $300,000 worth of sales to make that up over time because it is such small margins that they are working on. so each and every one of you, us are paying more because nobody is actually addressing this

problem. >> greg: tucker, you are a quite possibly one of the five smartest people on this set. [laughter] >> tucker: in that range. >> greg: i don't tell -- you are in the top five. what is -- who is at fault? what can we do? >> tucker: massive economic cost to it, cost of poor neighborhoods, that's why we have so-called food deserts obviously. there is a cost of the whole country when you allow stealing. stealing is disgusting and wrong and nothing that you punish your children for. it is low, it's the lowest of all crimes. everybody agrees that murder is bad, no one defends murder, we just ignore it, don't solve the murders, but no one stands up and defends murderers. people defend thieves all the time. and when you do that, you degrade your country. so what this means is there a lot of americans who steal stuff. you want to live in a nation of people who steal? they used to say that about remaining out. you go there and people steal from you.

that's disgusting. i'm serious. i think it is totally degrading. and i think the point of allowing it is to degrade the country. it is to make us feel less proud of who we are. to divide us from each other, you can't be neighborly was someone who steals from you. in close quarters in a school or in the military, stealing is the one thing they will not tolerate, because cohesion is destroyed by it. you can't relax when people are stealing. i think there are penalties that should be really severe, i mean it too, i don't care if it's toothpaste, deodorant, again, with your children, you catch them stealing, what do you do? you humiliate your child when your child steals come you take them by the arm, you bring them back to the grocery store, here is the receives i stole from you, i'm sorry. >> greg: at such an amazing point, because i did not even look at it that way the idea of how it kind of destroys the trust in the society. it made me think of when i was in school as a kid, like when you were in grade school, the kid that was caught stealing, he

was ostracized, because stealing from another student, you have any sympathy for thieves, kat? >> kat: like what tucker said, also one of the foundations of our system of government is the individual rights of ownership of property. it's not a victimless crime to steal. and what is central to everything, because that is communism. so i guess it's not surprising, but it is pretty bad if target is losing that much money. because target is so good at getting you to buy stuff. that you had -- nobody has ever left it targets with one bag. you go there and you're like i have the is light up flip-flops and this candle shaped like a penguin -- like i don't need this, i have closets and closets full of crap i bought at target and i also can't throw it away. >> greg: as long as it has an extension cord. >> tyrus: and they always ask

you that smart question did you find everything you need? >> greg: you needed none of it. >> tyrus: i don't need the grinch sweater that is not going to fit. >> kat: where am i going to hang these lights? >> greg: i blame "friends" that show for hanging christmas lights indoors, was at the first show to do that? >> kat: i don't really know my history in that area. >> tyrus: we will say yes. >> greg: we have to move on anyway. >> tyrus: we just dropped down in the top five. >> greg: nicely done! coming up, earthlings, don't worry, because aliens aren't in a hurry. [cheers and applause] that's great.

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>> dana: greg. >> greg: you have no me for years, knock it off. a startling proposition and not the one where i pay tucker $1 million to massage my p. but we have extra tips or a seal -- extraterrestrial life, nasa says that they have destroyed themselves before falling to the point where they can actually make contact with us earthlings. it's called the great filter theory, which argues that several civilizations have existed but they died out long before they could ever reach the earth because they just weren't smart enough, and then they blew themselves up. and researchers argue the same fate awaits us unless we identified the destructive attributes within ourselves and do something about it. kat has acknowledged it's time to stop crashing weeks to take advantage of the open bar, tyrus has realized cannonballs cause tidal waves.

dana has admitted starting bar fights never helps anyone. and tucker has killed livestock to make a documentary on someone killing livestock. [laughter] okay, tucker, this is your wheelhouse, any mysterious ufos on camera and that footage and what about the mutilations on the cattle an anyway? >> tucker: it's all real, actually. it is. i don't know what to say, and my producers mocked me, charlie cougar is in charge of a documentary, and how mutilations and he gives me this look like settle down, alex jones, that's going too far. and he goes out there and spends months on it and comes back and he has this kind of come you know, he goes oh, no, it's real, 100%, nobody knows what it is, i never believed in anything like this. i actually believe the warren commission five years ago, that's how dumb i was.

and you know, one of the prevailing theories, i mean, there is a lot of activity under ce, under the ocean that has been documented on video and by sonar of objects, some kind of craft moving it over 100 knots underwater. so it's like with no visible means, so define physics and i think that there is a sense when a lot of people study it this, some that are not insane at all and work for the u.s. government. and did a lot of activity coming from undersea. >> greg: is a great idea, dana, that the space aliens are not in outer space, they are in under space. >> dana: it's like a scary movie as a viewer you're like it's behind you! look up, it's up above! so i am really offended by the phrase great filter theory, i think that that's really is offensive on behalf of the aliens, so i'm really upset about that. i also -- >> greg: in the break you said you wanted to build a wall. >> dana: undersea.

i don't believe in any of this, this whole nonsense, i think it is like -- it is like, i don't know, maybe i need to go out with charlie and see more of the cattle mutilations. >> tucker: let's have dinner. >> greg: he will kill a cow for you. >> dana: i sit there and i think these people are now being president, where is the alien life? i'm like have we got a theory for you. what happen, they burn themselves up in the next thing they are going to say is because of climate change and then next thing you know we will be at the u.n. giving another trillion dollars because of climate change. >> greg: that's a good point, kat, but people say it's the nuclear threat. we have all to a point where we can invent nuclear weapons and this is the other aliens, and then they blew their own planets up. >> kat: it so arrogant, it's an arrogant freddy explanation, explain they don't have any new members, none of the pledges could handle pledge week. it is. like maybe this could have convinced all of the dudes to

stay locked in a basement with a bunch of other men until the ten cases of milwaukee's best is gone. it's the same exact thing. you have to look at yourself, maybe we are not smart enough to talk to the aliens come you can't blame it on other people. >> tucker: you had a tough time in college. >> kat: i had a great time in college! [laughter] >> greg: oh, tyrus. >> tyrus: i will take it from here, gutfeld. first of all it does not take a genius. look at our history, for 70,000 years we cannot figure out a rock and a stick go together. we had no clue. then all of a sudden lo and behold something happens, we have perfect pyramids and we all have iphones. you don't think that somebody dropped in and drop some knowledge on us? this is what they do, first they never existed, then there is too much evidence, then they all died. no, sorry. what happened was they came here, hung out, we ate a few of them, they are like they can't

get along with each other. [bleep] this, we are out and left. and now as a rite of passage should they dare each other to fly by and see why they won't come down. >> greg: up next, a stinky situation that ended in a list infatuation. i may be close to retirement but i'm as busy as ever. and thanks to voya, i'm confident about my future. voya provides guidance for the right investments. they make me feel like i've got it all under control. voya. be confident to and through retirement.

>> a story in five words. ♪ ♪ [applause] >> greg: story in five words. a smelly date deal breaker. sorry, kat, coming to you first. >> kat: i knew that. >> greg: janet kramer went out with chris evans years ago, but ended after she used the bathroom and stunk it up with pee that smelled of asparagus, so my question is do you really believe it was asparagus? >> kat: may be, but i just feel bad, because she should've talk to me when this happened, she should have trolled him for being such a [bleep]. if this happened to me, i would have gotten a fresh account and send 40 pounds of asparagus to his house every night. until he apologized and then when he did i would be like, i have no idea what you're talking about. >> greg: [laughs] you are very sick person.

>> kat: thank you. >> greg: tyrus. >> tyrus: first of all, this is stupid. we are all dumber for this. she got a retraction that wasn't at. they just stopped talking. because if they are on a date and she got up and went to the bathroom, and then came back and he ran into her bathroom and it came back and started smelling asparagus, she should have left. like where did she pee? you know what i'm saying? and if she just went there? again, it's not like going to smell like asparagus. it's that you peed at the dinner table on a date and i'm out. is no way this is a real story at all, you have to be in such close quarters for that to happen. >> kat: or eat a lot of asparagus. >> tyrus: and just go. >> greg: dana has a theory. >> dana: in the notes of the show it says do not talk about asparagus or pee. you can only talk about and to piercing dates, which i have not been on 27 years, so now i can

talk about my theory about asparagus, what i understand is when you eat asparagus, there is something that happens, a chemical so that when you pee, only you can smell that. unless someone else has also eaten asparagus. so that is the theory i've been going on for many, many years. >> greg: oh, my god, tucker, is it possible that asparagus or aliens? >> tucker: i have to be honest, greg, and i mean this from the bottom of my heart, i don't think i have ever eaten experiments. i've never eaten that. it's weird to eat it. b, tyrus says it's a real story, i don't think these are real people. i don't think that people actually talk about their asparagus pee in public, i don't think that's real. this whole thing is fake. listening to it, oh, yeah, that's an actor i've never heard of in my life. what country -- >> dana: was just sexiest man alive. >> kat: i don't know who that is either. any guy could come up to me and

say i'm chris evans and i would believe them. >> tucker: i would too. >> greg: these guys at the casino. >> tyrus: you can just push through. it >> greg: we have to move on. don't go away. we shall be right back.

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>> greg: we are out of time. thanks to dana perino, tucker carlson, kat timpf, tires. i am greg gutfeld. i love you, florida. >> trace: welcome to america's late news, "fox news @ night." i am trace gallagher in los angeles. breaking tonight, day after winning back the majority, house republicans unveiled bombshell allegations against the president's family that lawmakers say connects hunter biden to human trafficking. and the evidence could "compromise" president biden. the