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tv   Gutfeld  FOX News  March 3, 2023 8:00pm-9:00pm PST

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>> can you tell me what the minimum separation is for landing and departing airliners? >> i don't want to guess on that, senator. >> laura: and went up for air travel? that is it for us tonight. thank you for watching. set your dvr's so you never miss us. it is america now and forever. have a great weekend. greg gutfeld takes it all from here. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> greg: all right! look at you people. stop it. stop it. stop it. [laughs] take that, "outnumbered." happy friday. you know what we do first. let's welcome today's gas.
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he is so well-dressed. he makes salads jealous. social scientist and to post [indistinct] jesus. [applause] he is so hot, he could be my twin brother. cohost of "fox & friends weekend," pete. she is like an earthworm, small, slender, and thrives in good. contributor kat timpf. and finally, when he sneezes, more states issue tornado warnings. my massive psychic, tyrus. [cheers and applause] all right. before we get to the some new stories and we have some new ones, some blockbusters if you will. let's do this. >> greg's leftovers. >> greg: i wish i had a virtually that.
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it is leftovers, where i read the jokes we did not use this week and it is my first time reading these so if they suck, it is on you. that does not make any sense, but who cares? hershey's is facing a boycott after putting a trans person's face on a wrapper. the company agreed to only use the photo on mr. goodbar's. [laughter] i would have said, they would only put it on candy bars with nuts. that is better, huh? hershey apologize for referring to the model's breasts as milk duds. my joke was better. green -- aaron rodgers recently spent four days meditating in a light deprived underground retreat.
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he said the darkness will prepare him encase he is traded to the jets. a little sports joke. i don't get it. tensions are high following nigeria's the selections. [laughs] after president-elect [indistinct] was declared the winner with 8.9 million votes. the opposition maintains the real winner is a prince who only needs a few bucks to cover processing fees. [laughter] so bad. oh, man. during a white house reception, marking black history month, president biden quipped, i may be a white boy, but i'm not stupid thing fact-check used to insist he is both. russian president vladimir putin has awarded the order of friendship to action movie star steven seagal. the last person to give stegall that award was jenny craig. a new lawsuit claims that nfl films maintains a database of
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cheerleaders' the talks, breasts, and cleveland trust. the nba was like, no, [bleep] you, too. there you go. nyc received its biggest snowfall of the season, totaling over 3 inches. [laughter] new yorkers say it was not much which is confusing because i always thought 3 inches was plenty. [laughter] you see that one? [applause] at least it was funny. and finally, a codefendant in the theft of lady gaga's dogs is suing for the report because lady gaga said it would be no questions asked. when president biden heard there was a reward for now questions asked, he said, we should give that to reporters. [applause] now, for some news. is it time retire the bra with titanium underwire?
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it can only mean one thing. ♪ ♪ >> if it happens up there, we report down here. you are watching the super gate. canada 2023. week 24. the final reckoning. >> greg: kayla lemieux, the canadian woodshop teacher has reportedly been placed on leave meaning those massive canadian homes have finally been sent home. if you are just tuning in and i'm sorry for that, here's a recap. this is kayla lemieux. here she is along with her friends, brian stelter. the school board still stands behind the teacher. it is great in the unlikely event of a water emergency landing, your shop teacher, be used as a flotation device. or have been angry protests, upset parents and aroused and
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confused babies. if they were states, there would be worth 98 electoral votes. there may be a reason why white -- reason why no one is talking. the pilots initially reported it as a condition of weather balloons. if the chute does not open, you will be fine if you land face down. you don't find that kind of journalism on fox news sunday. and so the school district spokeswoman told "the toronto sun" she is still employed but not on active assignment. but how important can you be when you strap two zeppelins to your and eight? it seems to be the only solution when dealing with nuts. at least she can spend more time with her family. [laughter] that is the truly funny part of all of this. she was not sent home for wearing her favorite costume. she was sent home for not wearing it more at home or at
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the store, wherever this guy goes to buy reinforced bras. the school board presented a professionalism policy. the only problem the policy did not include any specific dress code to address taylor's knockers. like a women's studies degree, it was not were space where the paper was written on. >> a sexist would say! >> greg: most people agree. kayla says she she is intersects -- intersex. now that she is temporarily out of the classroom, her bra can be returned to its original use, the teacup ride. pete, would you say i am the woodward and bernstein of big knockers? i doggedly tracked this story since day one and i would not let it go until we got answers.
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why am i not considered america's newsman? >> you are to me and not only heavy gotten answers but you have gotten outcomes. without the docket reporting of the fill, there is not the scrutiny and now the photo. you see that. the amazing part about this is that he is claiming that he suffers from you said it, breasts that he can control. but he takes them off. >> greg: somehow they have a mind of their own. >> they grow on their own. >> they go into a corner and they go, oh. they talked through the nipple. >> it is possible. and then they have grown again. >> greg: what do i do? and he has to strap them on. >> raised the right point. it is not what happened. it is the same thing with all of the other perforated stuff in
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schools. you cannot get away with it on the streets but you can get away with it in elementary school. >> greg: you said that yesterday. that is exactly what this is. >> let's just take it out of it for a second. one with you wear your best stuff when you were out looking for someone to hook up with or to impress? >> greg: at night. >> you put on your best suit and you attract attention from whoever you were interested in. where is he putting on his best count now? school. so my best guess is i hope it is a troll. he is having fun with it. but the parent in me feels like he is only doing that around young impressionable boys. so that might be, you make jokes but you might have exposed something a lot greater and it might have saved some young boys
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or girls' lives. >> greg: that is interesting. you are right. maybe i am the real hero. [laughter] >> tyrus: listen, listen, it pains me to pains me beyond measure because i knew coming here today as much as kat and i tried to talk him out of this crazy [bleep] he does, that i had to give him praise for this. >> kat: and it pains me to say that i have pretty much the exact same thing written down here. you are like, okay, got punished for not wearing it more often. i think here, that makes sense because she caught him, they, whatever, it apparently varies. sometimes it is a boob day, sometimes it is not a boob day. but if you're around kids and it is not a boob day, that is a problem. >> greg: again, i am the real hero and i want to say two words to you, kat.
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never forget. and three powerful. >> tyrus: you won't s. >> greg: you have not talked about this in public. >> but i'm an expert because i'm actually a trans person. i'm trans wealthy. sometimes i have money but when people want to borrow money, i'm broke. [laughter] [cheers and applause] but i'm going to deviate. he might have the case for discrimination here because in the trans community, you have something called gender fluid which means you can swap in and out anytime you want. i would love to see because i think this is a troll. i would love to see him do it countersuit. >> greg: if it is a troll he is -- how is he covering everything? like, this is -- there's been no break in the role. like, where is -- where are his friends and family to say, that
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is -- that kerry was always up to these pranks. there's not even a mall or a dad or anybody. it is so freaky. >> it is like the movie mask with jim carrey. you transform into a new person. maybe that is what is going on. >> i hate to be that guy but i feel like i have to. when you look at people who prey on kids, no one ever knows. so, oh, i never saw that because it is a secret life. it is disguises. again, i hope it is just a troll. but i just feel like there's a lot of things that may add up to something more nefarious. >> greg: what i'm feeling in the military when you rescue people and you pull people out of burning buildings, is it the same? when you are looking at me now. >> i'm living vicariously. >> greg: do you feel compelled to say to me, thank you for your
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service? [laughter] >> don't do it. [laughter] cap can. she is half. >> kat: yeah, i am half veteran. because you get married and everything is lived. >> that is true. >> with you thank him for his service? >> kat: on behalf of the veteran community, absolutely not put what you are doing in the cavalier way, it is disgusting as a half veteran. [laughter] >> greg: all right, enough of this. up next, would your knickers in a twist if the u.s. cease to exist? [cheers and applause]
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>> greg: welcome back to is the only hope for our nation illegal separation? marge says there's nothing left to do but split the u.s. in two. marjorie taylor greene recently sparked a debate tweeting, we need a national divorce. i'm joking. we need to separate bright red states and blue states and shrink the government. a new product seems to back that idea up. a third of americans support splitting up the map by political ideology and about half of republicans support the far-fetched idea. how did we get to this point? when so many states want to go out for a quart of milk and never come back, maybe it is because the media is labeling the country white supremacist nazi homophobes? maybe that is why people get hit with cantaloupes when they wear
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a red hat. it is the same people who primed the country for the division. they create the impression that 50% of the country hates the other 50% and claim you are an a-hole for responding to their propaganda. they blame us when we want to separate. it is like amber heard pooping the bed and then getting mad when johnny headed for the couch. [laughter] that is a good one. [laughter] and how about this divorce -- with this divorce even work? and how would red states feel when they see their ex hook up with canada? what a loser. anyway, maybe instead of talk about the fourth, we should try to reconcile. if germany can reunite, and jennifer can reunite, maybe we can focus on unity, too picture, california and florida have their differences. but at the end of the day, none of us watch cnn.
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[applause] by the way, just a national divorce thing has been around for a while. it is more proof that an idea from the podcast world of -- has bubbled up into now the mainstream thing. what you make of it? >> i think it is oversimplification of politics, left right paradigm. it is more of a sphere. the core is the state and the closer you get to the core, the more you want the state in your life. for example on the right, they want more police. on the left, they want more social programs. so i don't think it is fair to call it the left right. but i would like to see is a populist divorce where people divorce from the identifying with the republican party or the democratic party and start identifying with each other as a people and i think as a result, what will happen is you will find that the republicans and democrats will have more bipartisan and put us first. i think it is a way to hold them accountable and make them do their job.
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>> greg: that makes too much sense. [applause] that makes too much sense, kat. what bothers me is i can get people mocking marjorie taylor greene except that the people mocking her or the ones that have been pushing division forever. when people say, my god, we can't get along, that is the result of cable and everybody else saying we can't get along. >> so i don't think it is time for a divorce. but i do think we need to open up the relationship a little b bit. think about it. that is what the original concept of this country was supposed to be. like, we are technically married. you have someone to bring as the wedding they make. but most of time, you pretty much do your own thing. we were never supposed to have the government does intimately influencing every single aspect of our lives so the differences of opinion we are supposed to be that big of a deal -- were not supposed to be that big of a deal. now i'm starting to think of
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something that it does not impact. i think not a national divorce. open up the relationship. the government needs to be less involved overall and that everybody can just kind of do their own thing. >> greg: polyamorous. >> kat: yeah. >> greg: we should be, screw democracy. let's be polyamorous. i kind of want to hook up with trinidad and tobacco. you know what i'm saying? >> no, i don't. [laughter] >> greg: territory. check out one-arm later. >> it is pretty much the same for men everywhere. divorce always sounds like a great idea especially for us red states. we would have lower taxes. our military would be stronger. the problem is we will not have any trees in our countries because of the walls trying to keep them out all the time because once we have something
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nice, they are going to take it from us. so instead of getting divorced and just allow them to take your dreams and aspirations, you just stay in that plea marriage and just hope that it gets better or maybe one day they will leave. [laughter] [applause] >> greg: beautiful sentiments. [laughter] spoke in like a fellow expert in divorce. pete, it is good to be hard to split a country up when it is basically cities versus non-cities because texas is red. austin is blue. houston is blue. i think dallas is purple. you are urged. >> you feel a little orange. i understand the sentiment. people have said that for a long time. i think i mentioned the idea of coach rhule we are living on
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different planets. >> greg: are we really? >> absolutely. we are in the middle of an uncharted territory with the educational system teaching young people to hate each other and hate their country and questioned their gender and their family systematically. that is with the system is teaching the next generation and we learned that most of who you are is before the age of 12. if this is uncharted waters. the countries have tried to stay together teaching their kids this. we think it is bad now. wait until 20 years from now when we really do irreconcilable differences. >> greg: i wonder if there will be a rebound in the sense that all these kids that are being screwed up, when they get out of that, when this delusion ends about that, that you can put a gender and that you realize that you can torture these kids' mines that there may be a total flip, right? that is what i'm hoping. >> maybe a revival.
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maybe a total flip. thankfully there is something called -- gathering momentum, 20 states have almost passed it. where state legislatures can call an amending convention where all the states get together to rein in the size and scope of the federal government. federalism is our only way out of this. let me live the way i want to live in the state of tennessee or the state of texas. you do your thing over there. and then every once in a while, we come together for defense. otherwise, we are like little countries. >> how do you deal with that with all of the taxation and all of the business is connected to businesses in other states? that is where you run into problems. you have this thing where taxation and then you are getting overtaxed by the blues because they love to tax the hell out of you. >> like trade wars, coming for you. we got to move on. that was interesting. up next, they made an apology
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for acknowledging women's biology. [cheers and applause] ♪ you like to... move it ♪ we're reinventing our network. ♪ ♪ ♪ fast. reliable. perfectly orchestrated. the united states postal service.
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>> greg: it is 31 days of female praise because it is women's history month in march. let's salute the sex that can handle both bleach and starch. ♪ thank you for being a girl ♪ ♪ making sandwiches around the world ♪ ♪ you deserve some praise ♪ ♪ so we gave you about 30 days ♪ ♪ to celebrate their history ♪ ♪ why don't you have yourself a beer and some cake ♪ ♪ but even more than that and you might start to get fat ♪ ♪ either way, we just wanted to say thank you for being a girl ♪ [cheers and applause] >> greg: i'm so proud of you. you go, girl.
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i hate that phrase with every fiber of my being. it is women's history month. kat, thank you for being a woman. now that we got that out of the way, as corporations improve celebrate women you know, those mysterious creatures science can't identify, the toronto raptors are saying sorry to them for this now deleted video. ♪ ♪ >> girls run the world because they are the only ones that can procreate. >> all women are great because they are all queens. ♪ ♪ >> greg: those first two players said women are the only ones that can procreate and burst everyone. what do those dudes think they are, biologist? [laughter] where did they grow up? man, the truth, they spoke, pissed off a lot of people including women that stand up to
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pee. the team quickly took the video down and said they pride themselves when doing the right things when it comes to include in representation. meaning they are so cowardly they literally denied their own mother which is new. we are used to pro athletes the nine who is the father. [laughter] -- denying who is the father. [laughter] >> i eventually came around. [laughter] >> greg: kacmarek, i go to you first because you are a woman. how are you celebrating this month? [close raspberry] >> kat: working. this was great because i'm not a sports gal. i feel like that's both teams have a lot more than three people on them. >> greg: they do. >> kat: that was the whole vi
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video? i want to see the answers that did not make the cut. >> greg: yes, exactly. >> special sensitive file. >> kat: okay, someone is like, okay, yeah, they give birth. what he said, birth. what about the guys that were just like [bleep]? [laughter] what i want for women's history month is the rest of the footage. >> greg: yes. >> kat: there's a lot more dudes on that team. >> greg: yes, there is. >> kat: what did they say? >> greg: tyrese, do you feel bad for the athletes that were coerced into this crap? >> tyrus: when you are part of a team, you have to do all that stuff. or whatever the case was, you had to do something. it is part of the ridiculous salaries that we get. so it's not -- the problem while it is cut is those were the three controversial ones. those are the ones that had the one person i guess.
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that sent the e-mail in to take it down. the rest were praising their moms. it is like the whole thing. they do a mother's day thing where everyone thanks their wife or whatever. one, again, the woke on twitter complained about it at home and they took it down. so yeah, shame on you for that because i don't know how else -- i dunno what else was going to burst me. [laughter] and they should -- gets at least the tip of the hat. you know what i'm saying. i mean, i was perfectly willing to give my mom my birthday. you earned it. it is a lot. the fact that we can't honor them, everyone in this room came from there, is ridiculous. >> greg: yes. [applause] hotep, isn't it weird the things we have to apologize for now, like, trade of facts?
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>> it is ridiculous. i'm always going to talk about comedy. this is another comedy plot. this is a social coffee station. what is happening here is as we saw in the past, it was like this attack on toxic masculinity and the new target is women. so sort of convoluted what it means to be a woman. what is happening here is women work hard for women's rights to have women spaces and now they are being invaded by men. >> greg: right. >> i don't see how people don't see what is happening. out of all of the topics, all these different crazy topics, this one i can't wrap my mind around. when you tell people about it, they go, oh, this is a.i. deepfake and it is not really happening. no, this is really where. -- real. you touch on a conspiracy theory. they chose those two clips because they would stir up conversation, they could use
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them to propel the agenda? that i -- >> tyrus: every once in a while they will throw some stuff together and get it right. that is the thing. that is the hotspot. if you are a birthing woman, somehow if you pee when you stand up and wear a wig, you're supposed to be held to the same claim it is not fair. >> greg: pete you have seven children. did you burst any of them? [laughter] >> you held ice chips. >> ice chips. treatment should the wnba celebrate man's histor? >> i don't think there is a man's history month. >> greg: exactly. mine blown. >> because we are in the patriarchy at every month. >> greg: every day is man's history month. >> how can you have wnba -- [laughter]
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>> it is subsidized. >> greg: that is what we have it. >> what if there's no such thing as a woman? how can you have a wnba? >> they got to make it trans. >> what about what happens when the first dude says i'm transitioning and want to be in the wnba. >> good point. >> they are going to have to embrace it. >> greg: that is a great movie plot. two retired nba players decide to go and ray in the wnba. transitioning and they are watching tv. they go, this plea is crazy. and that they do it. >> was this movie already made? >> jawaun a man. >> not proud that i know that movie. [laughter] >> i never thought i would hear that movie title again in my life.
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>> we send it at the same time. >> greg: i don't even know what that movie is. [laughter] >> let's just move forward. >> greg: coming up, a pathetic stand from cnn's crybaby. rritatg residues. and it's gentle on her skin. case, closed! it's gotta be tide.
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>> greg: will come back. it is a stunt reeking of attention seeking. a cnn drama queen. former representative and current seen and contributor adam kinzinger said performing artists in straitjackets to capitol hill this week. straitjackets? what a homophobe. [laughter] the solon psycho told politico we have been program with so much to believe that each event in the world should be seen through a blue or red class. the performers showed up tuesday. their purpose was unclear. they started carrying qr codes calling for people to reject
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conspiracies and encourage integrity. how is that for irony? a cnn contributor judging integrity is like asking don lemon to judge a weather t-shirt -- wet t-shirt contest. going viral on social media and tv. he is the expert. >> i never expected today to be quite as emotional for me as it has been. you guys held. you know, democracies are not defined by our bad days. we are defined by how we come back from bad days. [laughter] >> greg: that man can cry in any situation. that is probably why he never gets speeding tickets. pete, you know him.
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what happened? [laughter] is it just one word, trump? >> i am not a doctor. i would like to diagnose him with the gnarliest case and it happened rapidly and then he of course got in cahoots with democrats. he landed in cnn and the ironic part is he wants to points out the extremism of people who want attention so he wraps people in straitjackets and sends them to capitol hill? to get as much attention as humanly possible? i want tons of attention for my extreme protests so we should be really moderate. >> greg: exactly, it is really more about him. he has got this chip on his soldier -- shoulder. >> it is kind of brilliant. i would like to at this point. rebrand all of my own attention seeking behavior as performance are trying to draw attention to
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how bad it is to seek attention. all welcome. >> this is exactly what many politicians do. they have that career after politics. some people do it well. this guy is absolutely risky. we have our award show called the christie's. i hope people nominate this guy because this is one of the biggest risks i have ever seen pictures attention seeking and i think this has to do with the fact that cnn has failing ratings and he has to prove himself as being an asset to the network. i think it is a follow on forces or something like that. he is even drifting for that purpose. i don't trust him. >> greg: what do you say, tyrus? >> tyrus: there's only when stelter. what this is is to p's point, he
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is a grifter. he jumped in the bed of the other side. at the corke before trumka he was a very conservative guy. he got that way somehow. now you have left home. the grass is greener on the other side and your with this other person. does not have any of your belief systems and the operating suck. now who are you going to blame us? you are sitting in the room at cnn, why are things not working? the lefties, the liberals, oh, he was conservative for. maybe he is doing that on purpose. but i can fit in. i will send people with straitjackets and glasses to washington. because he can't come back. so he is going to keep doing stupid things like this. it is to get them to like him. that is what this is. like me.
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because that is what attention is about. >> kat: the whole thing was like, that there's red glasses and glasses and it is bad to only see the world like that. it is like, you just switched glasses. [laughter] you are not an independent thinker. you just switch to another set of preconceived notions. okay. >> tyrus: you said conspiracy theory in the last segment. what is the signal to the right to help him? they are crazy. they should be in straitjackets. i'm with you. i will get you information. please take me back. [laughter] >> greg: he says he wants to run again. >> tyrus: because he is showing the two, red and blue glasses. there's still a little red in may. i'm darth vader. can get make a luke. i'm sorry. >> greg: he needs a shot glass. i just wanted to explain that joke. all right. up next, oj led cops on a
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>> a story in five words. >> greg: a story in five words. o.j. simpson offers killer
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analysis. >> i watched him take the stand and i thought it was probably a mistake because the guy is an admitted liar. he was just trying to really to one or two of those jurors that he was one of them. i am not qualified to really say if the guy did it or he did not do it. from what i have seen, i think it is more likely that he did it. yes. but more likely equals reasonable doubt. >> greg: oj claims he is not an expert, tyrus. but he is! [laughter] he sold himself short. [laughter] >> tyrus: my blackness is struggling right now trying to find an answer. can you zoom in on me? oj, shh.
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[cheers and applause] >> greg: kat timpf you know what is weird? he is acting like he is an innocent man. >> tyrus: he was acquitted by a jury of his peers. >> kat: you know what else is weird? you look at the video, he appears to be using some sort of beautification filter. [laughter] >> greg: only you would notice that. >> kat: look at that. his skin is not that smooth. the little glow and the way, like a cat he is instagram or snapchat filter because he did not think, oh, no, maybe i should not do this. he thought that maybe i shouldn't do this unless i look better. >> greg: he has always been very handsome, let's face it, kat. >> kat: that is a filter. >> that is an international women's month answer right there. >> kat: i don't know, what does that mean? what does that mean? does that mean i'm not a dynamic
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human being? [laughter] [applause] >> i'm just saying, i thank you for that. >> kat: i'm interested in having you explain. >> because i think you have a unique perspective. >> tyrus: thank you for your service. >> which i fully appreciate. [laughter] [applause] >> greg: hotep, what do you make of his analysis? >> i just want to know where khloe kardashian is so that she can take her dad's phone away. it is ridiculous. absolutely ridiculous. like you said, oj jail broke. and i think the internet was trolling. >> greg: you think about this, cnn. legal analyst. they have not replaced what's his name, toobin. they have not replaced toobin, have they? there you go, oj.
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he started the video starting, i don't know why people keep asking me to comment on this guy. >> no clue. >> greg: no clue at all. don't go away. we will be right back. [cheers and applause] ♪ i like to move it, move it ♪ ♪ you like to... move it ♪ we're reinventing our network. ♪ ♪ ♪
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on the next episode of "tv dad"... kids are so expensive, dad. maybe try switching your car insurance to progressive. you could save hundreds. that's a great idea, tv dad. listen to your tv dad. drivers who switch and save with progressive save nearly $700 on average. want luxury hair repair that doesn't cost $50? pantene's pro-vitamin formula repairs hair. as well as the leading luxury bonding treatment. for softness and resilience, without the price tag. if you know... you know it's pantene. >> greg: we have some time for some final thoughts. >> we have some new dates coming up. houston texas, may 5th. south carolina, may 6th.
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shelby, north carolina. lexington mississippi and the gulf shores of alabama. check out my link 3 for tickets. >> trace: greatest show, everybody. our studio audience, trace gallagher. i love you. amen. [cheers and applause] >> trace: thank you, greg. welcome to america's late news, "fox news @ night." i am jonathan hunt in for trace gallagher. breaking tonight, an open end to some stunning admission from the biden administration on its green energy priorities. even some democrats say the president is putting climate change ahead of the nation's energy security. devin culp has the details tonight. good evening, kevin. >> an internal memo accidentally posted

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