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tv   Gutfeld  FOX News  March 17, 2023 8:00pm-9:00pm PDT

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>> all right, get in there. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> yeah. happy friday and i am wearing green. you just can't see it. it's inside me. all right. let's welcome tonight's guest. he's a comedian who owns a razor
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company, western razor.com owner david angelo. >> thank you. thank you. >> he was into red hats before it was cool, founder of the guardian angels. she doesn't need x-ray vision to see through your bs former white house secretary, katie mcenany. if you're a fan of big government prepare for and argument, fox contributor kat. as you know it's friday so before we get to new stories we are going to do this. >> greg's leftovers.
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yum. >> if my jokes suck i get to kill a writer. during wednesday's episode of the view whoopy goldberg appeared to pass gas. critics are calling at this time most intelligent thing she's ever said. the pentagon is blaming a russian fighter jet for causing a u.s. drone to crash into the black sea. officials worry the russians plan to hide the wreckage by leaving it at a laptop repair shop. a new report finds that new york fourth graders saw test scores plummet during the covid lockdowns. teachers say students are stabbing at a sixth grade level. that's funny. violent kids. make me lav laugh. can data from the faced show the most pills likely to be something uld in are viagra when
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the drug sniffing dogs humped their legs for six hours. remember her? actress send say lohan is pregnant with her first child. you can tell the kid takes after her after the ultrasound came back as mug shots. poor thing. a former california teacher of the year has been arraigned on charges she had sex with a 13-year-old boy or his friends call him student of the year. huh. anyway, new jersey and environmental officials have new jersey environmental officials? have you been to new jersey? anyway. they have cleared 21 acres of forest to create a better habitat for the american woodcoming bird and hope to mate
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witness the tit to create a bird with the sexiest name ever. [bleep]. [bleep]. >> get over here! i could say [bleep] until you're blue. cloeshd called out for unrealistic photoshop pictures on instagram. in the backed ground you could see a book. i bet she reads. making cruel joke and i decided not to do it. what's wrong with me. for st. patrick's day former new york governor andrew cuomo wore a kiss me i'm irish button on his pants. that's funny, because you couldn't get away with that.
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today it was big st. patrick's day parade here in new york city. here's how ilth breaks down n. march the parade makes a mess of fifth avenue n. june the gay pride pride tiedies it up. stereotypes. and finally a british prison made headlines after it was revealed female guards had been having sex with male inmates. hearing this david angelo decided to move to england and rob a bank. [applause] >> rather than just date, just commit a crime. >> i mean marriage is a prison so you end up there one way or another. >> to the stories and disturbing stories linger did ron eat pulling with his fingers? and how did the governor governor lose the handles of
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love. fueling speculation he lost weight ahead of a presidential run. folks noticing a leaner gov on trips and we put this graphic together because the weight loss stories need a before and after. this is the before right there. what we would call husky boarding on jolly. right? those are the words we used when i was young. he's jungle it here's the after. this is him now. he looks slimmer. so is this the sign like it was for other candidates who lost weight before a run like mike huckabee chris kristy or even william howard taft? you thought taft was hefty in office this is how fat taftd was before he ran for office. i remember that picture.
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guinness book but really how did ron slim down in some think he be on a trendy diabetes drug but what david angelo does for a living it's all speculation. meanwhile, the daily beast is obsessed with ron's weight and his old eating habits. they report in 2019 on a private jet he ate chocolate putting with three of his fingers and now we don't know which three so we cents a staff tore learn more. >> thanks greg. we caught up with a pudding ex-per on lunch break. >> i love this stuff. >> how do you eat pulling with three fingers? into my hands are dirty now. can i demonstrate by showing you? >> uh okay. oh, joe. oh, god.
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why is it so warm? >> so weird. >> it's so weird. was it a coincidence joe mackey pitched this story. nobody else is covering this. all right, david. do you eat pudding with your hands? >> i use a spoon greg and i'm civilized. >> did this discount him from run something can you look at him like the laid that i ate a salad with her comb? what's her name. >> amy cloeb shar. >> yes, you get stained by things being a razor salesman. >> it's true and i'm a one issue voter. pudding cups. it's body image. you're not supposed to stayed things about peoples body but republican politician is fair
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game and i like with trump his hair his face. sessions is like look at that elf. >> how would you describe your body type? >> fantastic. >> all right. i guess that's why they call you a comedian because that was a joke. all right! curtis, do you think desantis is running and has a shot with trump looming in the darkness waiting to pounce? >> you know, you mention gutfeld, shamu-they chris kristy, man was he huge. look at pompeo. you can't even recognize him. what the hell happened to you mike? what were you a bleem sync then can we ever forget shady
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shockton? he looks like a bubble head dole. desantis you're a man's man, three fingers, finger licking good. do you eat that kfc original out of the bucket? >> different in drumstick and pudding. think about that. yeah, that's a combo you don't see often. all right, we have you on for these deep political stories. you had to do a lot of fake news. do think it's fake news. >> do i watch it? >> do you think it's fake news he does the pulling. >> it's fun to watch the press. one headline about food the one you mentioned salad amy wants to rate it an a for forgetting a
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republicans but with president trump everybody loves his affinity for fast food and kfc and you look to desantis and they say their problems with him he eats in front of people at meetings. >> yes. >> he goes to place where there's a cup came on the ming. on capitol hill i would have done that. you never have cub cakes at gutfeld. >> when they're not wrifling or singing. >> and then this about the pudding, what is it with the press? leave eating habits before. they can't give it up. >> here's a bigger issue about diet is why does it matter if is using ozempik?
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>> that out weighs the side effect. it causes you to lose 20 percent of body weight, like 40 pounds. i'm not by the way on the payroll of it, but i could be. i always practice my selling points. >> gutfeld, didn't they ever tell you, tv puts town b ten pounds on your chubby kmeeks? >> yes. >> i sat there with rudy giuliani when he ran for mayor and he was having a slice of pizza. his campaign manager took it out of his mouth like he was a mama luke. he said you news ten pounds. >> weight loss you go to iowa, you're running for president. >> corn dogs and you wash it done with ethanol. >> i would love a corndog shake,
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kat. do you think it's right people should lose weight before they run for offense or does that display a self-discipline that we look for in leaders? >> i don't know. i don't think that everybody loses weight before they run for office. i think it was weird to see the words reported lid and pulling in the same headline. i also think i agree with kaley some of it is unfair their words not mine when he's eating he's getting [bleep]ed everywhere. when i eat i make a mess. it's a fine more motor issue. i just can never seem to get all the crackers in the soup. >> that is a problem. >> sometimes i miss and i feel like i'm sitting down i want to get all the food every where so people will laugh. i'm not making a choice.
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it's a problem. >> you're being slob shamed. >> it's ablist. >> is it ablist being a slob or calling somebody a slob. >> yeah. everything is ablist if you try hard. >> well, we learned nothing. up next, everyone got money even hunters honey.
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>> was the whole biden tribe looking for a bribe? must be time for? ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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>> yeah. thank you. [applause] >> even more stuff is being uncovered about the shady financial dealings of our favorite crack head hunter b. records reveal the biden family received over a million dollars related to chinese food. those deals involved a joint venture with rob walker who allegedly owns the account where the cash came from. he fast go between like when i use the corporate card to purchase my leather thongs. it's the same account according to doubts was wired edward 3 million from a chinese company shortly after joe biden lost office from vice-president. findings that hallie biden the
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president's daughter in law were part of the payout. nice to see something that's buy en's besides a bed and hallie biden was hunter's widow. he represents a guy who is always high. hunter is hitting back at the computer repairman, mack isaac? encounter claims based on alleged invasion of privacy. hunter seeking a jury trial and compensatory damages. i got to wonder what joe is thinking. >> no, no, look. what was this 2017? that was a long time ago. who remembers what they were doing back then? and let's face it, i didn't think i was going to be president. did you? be honest. i don't know how i got here.
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>> curtis. do you think this is all bubbling up to get him out of office? >> let me tell you something, this is clack i can organized crime. the biden family is the sixth family of organized. you have the biden family, because who is mr. big? who is getting the big that hunter is always crying about? i got to kick up to the big man. remember in organized crime, since i dealt with them, the man in charge says i need to feed my people because if i don't put their beak in the trough they eat the parmesan cheese answered to the fbi busting italians and i go to the big house. >> that's the way biden runs. >> all families should be like this. >> i wish my dad was as
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enterprising. he had to work for a loving. you know what's funny kaley all the things we are seeing expose redd the things the media was frothing back with the trump family. all they're getting is a guy that worked at the trump organization, stuff on his taxes. that's all i figured out. >> and apparently you had a democrat congressman saying, all you're going to find with biden is starbucks or papa john's. we found more and just starting this investigation so a million goes to rob walker. he transfers about north of had a million to hunter biden to james biden hauledly haley, biden how you say it and then to a bank account "just biden". liberals say biden has nothing to do with this. i've not met a liberal by i
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asked if not joe biden who is the big guy? who is the big guy? >> corn pop. wouldn't it be great? >> he's a bad dude. >> we had find out the big guy is corn pop. it's like the end of the sixth sense. it's not at all like that. >> not at all. >> kat, are the walls closing in? is this worst than watergate? >> yes. i think they're probably not closing in because you reach that level of power can you get away with whatever but maybe he's nervous and maybe he's fine but is like are they going to get me? i don't know. i don't have the mental fortitude for doing crimes. >> no? >> no. i would be so nervous. every time i send an email i don't know i should have gone with the period or exclamation point. and then i'll ask, i've asked
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ten people and exhausted the people in my life with stupid questions. i couldn't get away with. this one of these sentences like first cleaning llc and there's a hundred thousand dollars in there and it's unclear what services were provide foepd obtain that much money. for me it would be a sentence like, that's why she's in prison. >> you know what it is interesting about your point is the thrill of shoplifting. when we were growing up, you got to be like it's terrifying. >> i invited cool girls and stole a tank on the and every story was like, they're following me. i today borrow keys had to hide in her trunk while they continued to steal. >> that feeling is gone. because you can shoplift now at
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will, to where is the excitement. >> born in the wrong time. >> the smash-and-grab is like p p porngraphy. it's eliminated the earthy thrill of real life. >> so true. i agree with curtis. we had our run ins with organized crime. gout sthoechlt wouldn't let me use the loading dock at the jav it is center. [laughter]. >> i had to walk around the block curtis. i wanted to know how far out on the family tree. there's trying to get something going like uzbekistan, i can get you on air force 7. >> it's a propeller. one of those trick planes and
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biplane. >> biplane? >> goes both ways. that was a terrible joke but i don't care because overall average the jokes are pretty good today. i get a few stinkers it's okay. >> you're doing a great job. >> that will be the promo for this show. >> they store your prices and racist vices. in my ozempic® tri-zone, i lowered my a1c, cv risk, and lost some weight. in studies, the majority of people reached an a1c under 7 and maintained it. ozempic® lowers the risk of major cardiovascular events such as stroke, heart attack, or death in adults also with known heart disease. and you may lose weight. adults lost up to 14 pounds. ozempic® isn't for people with type 1 diabetes. don't share needles or pens, or reuse needles. don't take ozempic® if you or your family ever had medullary thyroid cancer, or have multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2,
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someone who thinks with their hands. who can shape raw materials into something meaningful. and who wants to serve in their own way. if you're out there. if you're looking for more. we're looking too. we're calling on a new generation of builders for navy's next-gen submarines. >> welcome back. one professor blubbered there's racism in your cupboard claiming a stocked pantry show the evils of jim crow. true, tidy pantries are popping up tiktok instagram and so-called pantry porn posts. say that five times really slow. you probably could actually.
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loyola marking professor argues that clean well stocked beautiful pantries are bigoted. what lies needs is a history of classist racist is social stru structures prominent white women creating a new status symbol the perfectly organized fully stocked pantries and organized pantries are classies reyesies sexist especially if they're filled with crackers. [laughter]. [applause] >> yeah. we can still say the c word. not that one. now, what if you don't have a pan friday? you're racist too. for reasons we will make up later. your lack of a pantry is typical of white privilege y. stop food when can you take it from black
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people? so does professor jenna have a point? i don't think so. fact is some women will say anything to avoid housework. i bet she's a real lazy susan. >> sexist would say. >> my nose is running. we never had a lazy susan. i was jealous of everybody that had one, the thing in on the table that goes around. as a white supremacist, do you own a pan friday? >> no. a pantry is like a small room off the kitchen. >> yes. >> i live in new york so my kitchen is a small room that is also my living room. >> the small room off your kitchen is your bedroom. >> exactly. that's a big step up. not long ago it was my kitchen bedroom living room and my bathroom so know, by her logic i'm like a diversity educator.
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>> really. >> i love she said according to her research. >> yes. >> so people who have these organized pantries are white women. i'm like watching tiktok's fitness influence certificates research. >> yes. >> because she's probably the same person who would belittle anyone who said they did research on their narrative. this is like ridiculous. being a professor sounds awesome. you just say whatever. >> exactly. you know kaley i always feel like having they call racist is an object or activity that one should aspire to. beings on time is racist and being just ambitious. wanting to be first is racist and now having something where you can put your food is racist. >> it's ridiculous. this woman needs to get a life. that caught my eye.
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did student tuition pay for? research that could i demolish right here right now because she says in order to be an ideal mother wife and woman you have to have this pantry porn. well i must suck because my pantry is ridiculous. i debunk your theory right here. my pantry is a wreck. >> that is dead find as research according to her. >> yes and i'm your research. >> do you have a pan friday david or do you live in one? >> i have a cupboard. >> you call and tell the girls come over it's a murphy bed. [laughter]. >> murphy's law applies to my murphy bed. what can't go wrong? >> sometimes after a night of drinking you wake up with a
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murphy brown. did i go too far? or not far enough? >> that's all right. i don't remember what i was saying. yeah. my pantry, i mean, my kitchen looks like you know in a movie when there's a divorced cop and they want to make him look like he's having a hard time, i watch those movies and it's like he's got baking soda. >> he's always drinking whiskey out of a coffee mug. >> yeah. >> pouring the whiskey, sith down, wearing a wife beater, has the transistor radio. >> you can't say wife beater. >> i know. >> but there's no actual name for that shirt. i went into nordstrom's i wanted to buy them and i had a gut feeling, do you have any spousal
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abusers? [laughter] [applause] >> they didn't know what to say. >> fantastic. all right, kurtzies. you must have a very strong opinion on. this i don't think you have a pan friday because you have 18 cats. >> i outdo you, kat. >> i have the one cat. >> i'm a swab slobinski. my wife keeps an apartment. we live in an 130 square foot product. she has the puss and boots for the cats comedians i change the litter every day which means a triple hernia but one portion proves i'm a racist and i'm a racist and i have my white bread and fluff another.
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so i plead guilty as charged. >> you know what i find interesting about this top sync they take like an issue of class and they're talk about wealth and status and turn it into race the left the are afraid of any kind of classes issues so they paints it as race. they should say pantries are a sign of status and wealth. they're doing this with everything. anyway, too serious? >> no. that was really good. i was inspired. >> oh, thank you kaley! you can stick around. the rest of you, get out! all right. coming up the panel says what's good in their neighborhood. to relieve occasional nerve aches, weakness and discomfort. try nervivenerve relief.
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>> now, here's chet. >> thank you. scott. it's local news. it's the segment where each guest has to share a real news story from wherever they're from. i vote on the winner that the person gives me a scalp massage. rooting for you curtis. let's go around the horn! all right, curtis. you goad first. >> st. patrick's day, there's a guy who every time he eats or takes medicine it's a microbrewery. the poor guy is half in the bag all the time so as a teacher he's been put on the shelf put in the rubber room can't get a job, moves to long island, they pull him over the cops say walk the line, they give him the breathalyzer he's half in the bag screaming yell. he wants to impale himself.
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a doctor in staten island says i know what that is. that's the corn squeezing ailment. your stomach is a still. everything that goes in there furments and becomes alcohol and i'm saying on st. patrick's day wouldn't you be a lucky guy if it were jameson. >> can you imagine if he were with you and his wee wee would be like a tap. everybody would come with a cup, grab it. >> i could not imagine but apparently you can. >> i'm imagining it right now. this is not a sexual thing. it's an actual invention. drip drip. go through the intestines. it's just like a refinery. >> i don't think pee goes through your intestines. >> the doctors will figure that out later. >> keep that in the show!
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angelo. >> you know, i got this great story out of the boston company a small company with big ambition ms and could you say golden touch. western razor was started a few years ago by two guys, one named mike, another young up and coming charismatic comedian who put his hollywood career on home and there were offers. to start a company that made razors in america. and at a cost less than the disposables. how do you beat that? >> did you bring a shaver for each of the sharks? >> look. inventory is tight right now but
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i tell you what we got the gold ones now the new one and hats are for sale, too. huh? how about that? now that's a great local story. >> it's like a rags to rags. >> yes, we have better rags now. >> at some point you have to retire the phrase up and coming to came and went. i'm a young go getter. >> you are. >> it's a beautiful razor. >> you will be go getting me coffee later. and beautiful. >> can we get a photo of you with it. [laughter]? >> you don't have to wear the hat but it would be nice and you'll end up on some weird ad in a biker mag. caley what story do you have in. >> i picked my story, stephen
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stamkos is a tampa bay lightning player. >> what graham is that? >> lightning? are you kidding me? ice okay. >> i i grew up in california. >> they won the stanley cup in '20 and '21. >> i've got cups at home. >> the lightning beat the new jersey devils 4-3 in a shootout that happened when you go into overtimed and there's no winner and you go a shootout stamkos for the win. >> in you watch soccer it's 0-0 at half, 0-40 at the end and have the shootout. people would rather seed a shootout. same thing with hockey. they have shootouts in the nba! [laughter] because they have guns. in the parking lot, though. anyway. sports, very good. >> i won. i get to do the head massage.
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refreshing every now and then a girl will talk about sports. kat? what is your story from michigan? >> michigan? now ranks fifth in the nation in maple syrup production. >> how did this happen? >> first of all it might have been literally everything else was a murder. >> yes. [laughter]. >> second of all maple syrup i learned to happen syrup as a child. >> really? >> i was a junior naturalist. >> no way! >> yeah. >> i thought they were nudists. >> i was a child with an interest in nature, but just when you had thought you heard michigan is the best place and can't get any better, boom, number 5 in syrup. >> how do you tap it? you had take a thing? >> you tap it and you got a bucket. >> what does that red mind you of? >> i don't know.
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something disgusting. >> huh? that's no different. you can create beer out of maple sir. >> that's the spigot. that's his spigot. >> you are just a brilliant entrepeneur. >> i really am. what's it going to be shark? how do you feel about me penile spirit? i admire your energy. i think the concept as problems. i got to go now. now as freaks anybody el on puppy's kibble. -- nibble. liberty. liberty. ♪
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>> a story in five words. >> a story in five words? jim, bros eat dog food for the protein, although dog food doesn't have a lot of ingredients that are considered safe for people and excessive protein can cause major health problems but is it worth it if it makes you buffed?
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>> am i him to it five words? i used to pack supermarket shelves in the dog food aisle. the bottom shelf was dash. four cans for a dollar. when i would open it up for my dog he would run away. now they have dog food that's like exotic food. want to take a cracker and you want to take a little dog food or with your finger and eat the dog food. i'm telling you. you get buffed. >> it's just pure protein. >> but desantis, forget the jello pudding with your three fingers! have some good dog food! you'll get buffed up like gigantor. >> kaley do we know what's in dog food? if they have meat it's chicken and lamb. they don't do horses and things like that i'm asking you because you're a mother. >> you're asking me because you
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know my favorite fast food is taco bell. >> they're going to come after you. >> they love a plug no matter what you do. >> taco bell. it's better than dog food. say kaley mcenany! >> it's better than fillet and stakes and have you ever gone to a store where the dog cup takes like human cupcakes? >> imagine being a poor person and seeing the dogs eat better than your family, something you'll be looking at david if you ever have a family. ha ha ha ha ha ha! you up a and comer. >> dog food. must bed nice. these bodybuilders are doing this. >> yeah. >> we dot to desd tigmatize
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steroids. do it the right way. >> people can shove needles into their faces to get rid of wrinkles? why can't muscle men inject to get buffed? >> i'm fine with it if that's what want to do. >> how do you feel about eating dog food? have you ever tasted it? >>, no never eaten dog food. there's another story i've decided not to tell. >> i don't know if i should or not. long time i was only 20 i accident hi smoked catnip. >> there you go. again we've learned nothing. >> i think that's valuable. >> we have forgotten stuff.
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mara, are you sure you don't want -to go bowling with us tonight? -yeah. no. there's my little marzipan! [ laughs ] oh, my daughter gives the best hugs! we're just passing through on our way to the jazz jamboree. [ imitates trumpet playing ] and we wanted to thank america's number-one motorcycle insurer -for saving us money. -thank you. [ laughs ] mara, your parents are -- exactly like me? i know, right? well, cherish your friends and loved ones. let's roll, daddio!
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>> were out of time. thanks kayleigh mcenany, david angelo, curtis sliwa, kat timpf. [applause] >> all come to america slight news, "fox news @ night" paradigm trace gallagher in los angeles. breaking tonight, us banks are failing, the us border is collapsing and military aircraf are being taken down by russia. yet president biden refuses to answer a single question from the white house press corps eve after his press secretary promised he would. at the white house corresponden kevin corke's life with more on the

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