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tv   Gutfeld  FOX News  March 27, 2023 8:00pm-9:01pm PDT

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gunman audrey heal shooting through the door to get into the covenant school where three kids and three adults were murdered. now you see her stalking through the hallways of the school. we just got this video moments ago. well, we were looking forward to seeing that manifesto and learning more about what happened today, and our thoughts and prayers are with all of the families. gutfeld next. ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ >> greg: it's hot in here. turn down the temp. turn down the temperature. it's hot in here, you jerks. happy monday, everybody. so let's talk about an important fight that's just getting started. no, it's not kudlow versus kilmeade in foxy boxing.
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but tickets are still available. that didn't land. florida has joined iowa, utah and arkansas to become the fourth state this year to pass universal school choice. it's such a big deal it got randi weingarten to finally wash her hair. today governor right side signed a bill disbanding the state's education account to all k 12 students regardless of race income background or even zip code. now that they have school choice, florida's parents biggest worry will be that their kids will be eat eaten by python. that wouldn't be a worry for me. so the good news is those funds could be used for anything from private school tuition, tutoring, textbooks, home schooling, online theory and, in florida, alligator rappelent. as proponents put it it if you understand students and not systems which force public schools to compete in something other than best drag queen.
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[cheers and applause] >> greg: yeah. yeah, man. the hell? florida is the sixth state nationwide to approve such options and if more states do the same this could resap this country. but there's still a challenge. it's time. parents don't have any. activists do. whether it's graphic sex and textbookses, kitical race theory or drag queen story how parents are caught offbarred. they're lied to until they find out their daughter tammy is now going by timmy. parents are busy making babies, taking care of babies working to pay off those babies. activists don't have these pressures. i mean have you seen them? who would have babies with that? [cheers and applause] >> greg: yeah, applaud their ugliness. yes, they're homely. so it's about free time and the creeps got a lot of it that's why they can protest. it's not like they'll be late
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for work because owning cats isn't technically work. so they have time to agitate and indoctrinate. you don't. fact is, the people who are trying to change your world, they don't even live in it. if you think men have babies, you probably don't have babies. they aren't dealing with day care or diapers, like parents do, or joe biden. boom. >> harris: dr. jill biden. >> greg: yeah, they love a cheap shot, this crowd. that's why i love them. but activists, they don't live your life. instead they're what i call issue squaters. they show up on turf that's not theirs and act like they're the new sheriff in town. activists interfere in your kids life and do that under the ruse of right to privacy. suddenly grade school lesson plans are classified as if
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adults saying this is our little secret has ever led to something good. have you seen the tik tok videos of bug eyed activists boasting about indoctrinating kids. it's not a figurement of your imagination like i dream you keep having of me wind surfing. but when you shine the light they freak out. it's their golden rule. you shall not show the world exactly what we say because even they know their ideas are gross and must be hidden from light and disinfectant just like mushrooms and billy baldwin. have to go owl of that bald innow. we're running out of baldwins. not kidding. folks on the left accuse you of trans-phobe i can't for simply tweeting their, their tik tok videos. sorry, to complain about a video you posted getting more exposure, you've got to have bigger balls than a lady swimmer. [cheers and applause]
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>> greg: this is driving me crazy. >> harris: what is it? >> greg: i don't know, when they put the mic on it screws up my beautiful collar. there we go. so activists have parents over a barrel and the barrel is simply being a parent. parents are crazed of getting kids ready for school, paying bills, driving mini advance, wearing horrible jeans. they don't have time to battle angry joyless activists. it's not a fair fight because the weapon again is time and parents are just too busy to fight back so they're the last to know who they're actually fighting against and activists don't have to do anything but scream for whacky causes and because face tattoos are painful. and after messing with the lives of others what do these activists say? mind your own business, stay out of ours. yeah creeps wanting to tamper with your kids believe they have a right to privacy. nope. they've gone too far. in fact it's a movement that's gone too far in everything. so school choice is no longer about education, but about
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values. it's not about classes or cafeterias or teacher to student ratio. it's about indoctrination in the form of gender politics, oppression theology and guilt by historical association. and here's why. life doesn't make these unhappy people. so these people have to make their own. and they've got to find that raw material somewhere. let's almost. >> period! >> greg: tonight's guests. she has a nose for news and also to smell things. host of the faulkner focus and outnumbered, harris faulkner! [cheers and applause] >> greg: he's inspired millions of women to embrace the lesbian life style. actor writer and comedian jamie lissow! [cheers and applause] >> greg: the money you spend to see his act counts as a charitable donation.
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host of fox across america, jimmy failla! [cheers and applause] >> greg: and most of her favorite books are of matches. fox news contributor kat timpf! [cheers and applause] >> greg: jamie, welcome to the show. i assume that there are schools in alaska, right? >> jamie: yep, we do have schools in alaska. i'll be honest with you i don't know where my kids go to school. because what happens is, i'm not allowed within 20 yards of the entrance. it's not -- no, no, it's not like i'm a sexual deviant it's because my kids don't want to be seen getting in a minivan in front of other kids. good for florida. i love florida. what is the problem here? florida's a great place. i feel like i've performed there recently. it feels very free. i love -- i would move to florida in a minute. florida, it's the sunshine state. you guys know i live in a las ca
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which is a where [bleep] the sunshine, state. huge fan of florida lot of gutfeld fans. i've was in naples. >> greg: i was there yet. >> jamie: the late show is at 6:00 p.m. i swear to god. it's the greatest thing ever. we had a midnight show at 9:00. doesn't even make sense. it was amazing. >> greg: all right, well, i think you did okay for now. >> jamie: okay. >> greg: why don't you just shelf the rest of the jokes for later and we'll come back to you. >> jamie: all right. >> greg: home runs, what harris what do you make of this parents movement? it's kind of exciting. >> harris: if you are a school offering all the things flexeded to the woke crowd what will you do when parents have a choice? when they can walk their education money or in florida this new account that they have, when they can walk that money elsewhere. we're already seeing it in my second home state because you know i live in coal bought blue
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jersey. terrorists, they don't call ter rafts we just don't know when any of the meetings are they change them off the calendars. but in arizona when i'm home, we already do this, we have choice. the new democratic governor though katie hobbs wants to roll back the clock, like they roll back the prices at wal-mart. that's what they want to do with school choice. they also have it in indiana republican governor there. it's working. it works. it puts pressure on the schools to keep up with what we need, what kids need to keep up on a global scale. >> greg: it's true. you know jimmy the way you're dressed you're kind of like the hip guidance counselor that everybody warns you're not supposed to be alone with especially in a 48 freighter. >> jimmy: you know what i love about this talent people can't tell if i'm fox talent or if i sell drugs to fox talent. the answer is both but stick
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with me. i always dial in on this subject because i have one kid as everybody knows. according to maury povich it is mine and you take it more seriously when he gives you you are the father thing. we're acknowledging schools and specifically liberals had education as a monopoly. it was a monopoly for them. this was their issue republicans never touched it until the pandemic and we saw just how hard they were failing our children. and you look no further than, look at tik tok story from last week, how they talked about like tik tok is a danger to kids. because they're following these tik tok challenges, like the cool aid challenge where a kid runs through a wooden fence like cool aid roller skating into a room. okay? tik tok is not the problem, that is schools failing children. okay? tik tok goes away tomorrow if your kid runs through a fence, he's [bleep] stupid. you understand? [cheers and applause] >> greg: i've got to tell you,
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in defense of kids, every kid wanted to be that cool aid guy. we used to like in the garage stack up boxes and we would recreate the commercial running through it. >> jimmy: yeah, but boxes. you didn't run through a fence. >> harris: i didn't need boxes. that's your personal problem. [laughter] >> greg: kat, welcome to the show >> kat: thank you. >> greg: yeah. why is school choice so scary to the other side >> kat: that's what i was trying to think about. like the only reason you would have a problem with letting the parents choose what school they want to go to is that your school sucks. i mean, like what if everyone wants to go to this one school and not the other. okay, so the right thing to do is to force kids to go to a school that's not doing a good job? the only way to make it better is to give them some incentive to make it better. that's why everything that's mandatory and you don't have a
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choice, all of those things suck. there's nothing mandatory that's fun. so i don't think this should be a controversial thing. when i had chickenpox in third grade, i did all moi work from home for that week and i finished it in two hours so my dad home schooled me for two years. and that's why i'm so amazing. [cheers and applause] >> kat: no, but i think that happened on a larger scale in the pandemic where they're actually seeing what was happening in school. >> greg: is this why you're anti-vaxxed? >> jamie: what. >> greg: you want everybody to get chickenpox because then they stay home and learn to be home schooled brilliant move >> kat: no. >> harris: it leads to shingles >> kat: i also had shingles but just a little bit. >> jimmy: still better than the time me and jamie bot monkeypox. jamie will vouch for this those comedy condos don't clean
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themselves. holy hell. >> greg: i don't know what that means. >> harris: i don't know what that means. >> jamie: he started it. >> greg: all right, we have to move on. up next a parody site is proven right. [cheers and applause] dry spray. just spray and stay fresh all day. my turn. secret actually fights odor. and it's aluminum free. hours later, still fresh. secret works. avoiding triggers, but still get migraine attacks? qulipta™ can help prevent migraine attacks. qulipta gets right to work. keeps attacks away over time. qulipta is a preventive treatment for episodic migraine. most common side effects are nausea, constipation, and tiredness. ask your doctor about qulipta.
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♪ >> greg: welcome back. i'll have you know this entire episode will be removed and never shown because of this caller. he's driving me crazy. is the left getting guidelines from babylon bee punch lines? conservative parody site the babylon bee is apparently so good as what it was nearly a hundred joke headlines have actually come true. ceo seth dylan told fox news digital the problem isn't that their site is too close to reality, it's that reality is too close to satire.
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here are some examples. in september 2020 the bee wrote, blm rioters awarded nobel peace prize. february 2021th black lives matter nominated for nobel peace price. june 2021 the bee writes progressive church announces new drag queen bible story hour. december, '21 what happens? lutheran church hosts drag queen prayer time for children. nothing like having prayer with drag queens. totally improves it. i'm telling you. and may 17th the bee wrote 2-plus two equals for insists close minded bigot. and in they where is math racist. babylon bee play school unveils vaccinate me elmo. june 2022 elmo is now vaccinated for covid-19. still waiting for the episode
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where elmo dies suddenly. >> harris: greg. >> greg: is that in bad taste? is it in bad taste because it's elmo. >> harris: children love elmo. >> greg: they love him a little too much. >> harris: okay stop. >> greg: september 2022 in the bee they wrote, nine reasons not to worry about the tanking economy. and just a couple weeks later in the washington post, seven ways a recession could be good for you financially. it's true. you don't see many fat people in poor countries. silence. [laughter] >> greg: i knew that. i could have taken it out but i said, you know what? i'm going to leave it in. may 2022 babylon bee wrote mattel unveils new pregnant ken doll. then two weeks later, mattel's first transgender barbie doll designed after laverne cox. got to hand it to cox.
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[cheers and applause] >> greg: what? you people are so sick. so sick. just let a clever joke lie flat and then an off the cuff dirty joke they applaud. right in. i think i have to start thinking more disgustingly. >> all right, so today's punch lines turn out to be tomorrow's headlines. which caused me to write this jokey headline. brian kilmeade crushed by falling meteor, no one shows up to his funeral because they're out partying with the king of late night greg gutfeld. >> harris: greg! [cheers and applause] >> greg: jamie i'll be happy if only half of that is right >> kat: you don't go right. >> greg: i know i don't go out that's why only half goes out. >> kilmeade's dead gutfeld orders more chinese spare ribs. >> greg: that is what i'm
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offering after the show. >> jimmy: we know. first of all i love the bee as you know. let's not act like they're the only comedy sites to get headlines right cnn has gotten 14 right this year alone. the actual impressive thing is that they're right is that they're still funny in an age where the news is already inherently funny we're living in real sa tire. yesterday you alluded to lea thomas espn honored her as one of the women of the year yesterday, a male swimmer. like that's already kind of goofy when espn's like she's so brave for getting in that water. the only thing she was facing was shrinkage, you know what i mean? but so the fact that they can continue to consistently be funny where the headlines are already so warped is probably more impressive than anything i would say. >> greg: you know what i find impressive kat?
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it's a christian web site and there's a stereo type that christians can't be funny, correct? and i think they have destroyed that stereo type right before our eyes. what say you, lady in blue? >> kat: yeah, i definitely think that it's funny. i did their podcast and the whole end was about religious stuff and i did my best. >> greg: they did the same thing to me >> kat: but we had a good conversation actually. it wasn't like they were mean to me about it. i think i should write my book about studies and how studies show it can be more politically engaged and the only problem with it is sometimes people can't decipher true from satire but that's because a lot of the political leaders do things that are so unbelievable. which is an argument for satireizing them more often because it makes people more skeptical of the narrative in the media which we all should be doing more often to hold these people accountable. >> greg: i do have a copy of your book i read it over the
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weekend it was quite delightful >> kat: thank you. >> greg: we'll talk about it later in the show p we have time. sitting here quietly we might run out of time. oh, we don't have kat's book. oh, man. >> harris: how do you sleep at night. she is herbing your friend >> kat: how do i sleep at night? [laughter]. >> greg: i have problems right now harris. it's with this caller and it's completely driving me crazy. >> no one can see this problem except you >> kat: it's true. >> greg: all right i'll stop harris. >> harris: now he's mad. >> greg: i'm not mad i never get mad trust me. >> harris: uh-huh. >> greg: do you follow the bee? what do you make of the story. >> harris: i do so much hard news that it is really intriguing like to watch that tv show back in the day but it would tell the headlines before they actually happened and so to see something like that come to life is interesting to me. because we're always trying to like, okay, what's the next headline what's next thing so we
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can get everything readien we don't we just do breaking news. i will say there's one in particular story when they were talking about kamala harris and her likability problems and how she might go to hillary clinton to solve them and like a month later the headline was, harris, vice-president psyching help on likability from hillary clinton. and i thought we should have had a lower third breaking news for that. we could have been ready if we had believed in the babylon bee with all our hearts. >> jimmy: which going to hillary for help with likability is like going to bill for office etiquette. >> harris: oh. you were so gentle right then you could have said a lot. >> jimmy: i'm clean i'm opening for jamie in this slot. >> greg: i thought it was about getting a stain out of the dress. jamie as a comedian the old phrase comedy is tragedy plus time. is that how you describe your life?
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>> jamie: yeah, yeah. that's so funny my dad used to say your life is tragedy plus tragedy. no, i'm just kidding. i'm blown away -- i also love the bee. genius us over at the bee. that doll thing, there's a trans -- i don't think we need barbie's helping reflect -- ken's been walking around without a penis for 20 years. >> greg: true. >> jamie: we argue about if barbie -- my favorite bee headline ever was do you guys remember they said to prove your vaccinated you had to show proof of a positive covid test? >> greg:. >> greg: yes, it hurts your brain. >> jamie: that was one of the funniest ones i ever saw. i'm with you i like how you did -- seth came to one of rob schneider's show i was backstage, super smart and i was thinking these headlines are coming true i should try to get one and i was trying to talk him into doing one, comedian has 3
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sol. little bit out of nowhere. did you see the one they did one that people were getting stuck -- you know those capture things. >> greg: yes. >> jamie: they did one people were having trouble because they said click which one is a woman and they didn't know. i just had that happen. do you remember the game guess who, remember all the different pictures and then you're opposite and i was playing against my kid, eight years old, and one of their friends and you can't play guess who anymore, you can't. >> greg: why not? >> jamie:'s the same kind of thing i go hey is the person -- because you pick one and you try to narrow it down from the characters. i go is yours you know dark skin and they go hey you can't it's racist. and this little kid says i don't see color. and i was like we're never going to let you drive a car then. >> greg: sometimes your jokes are like a 4 hour drive to ten minutes at beach. >> jamie: my jokes are you get
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the towel and sun screen and you get there and the beach is closed. [laughter]. >> harris: you're right >> greg: oh my god, even harris is piling on. we have to get out of here before he starts cutting himself >> up next the star who over-shared what's in her derriere. - [announcer] this is jabra enhance select. it's more than just a hearing aid. it's a smart hearing solution that makes hearing aids more convenient and less expensive. with jabra enhance select better hearing doesn't have to start in a doctor's office. it starts with our free online hearing test. from there you can fine tune your settings
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let me be direct. why would you pay more than double for teeth straightening with invisalign? with smiledirectclub, you get a doctor-directed smile you love for sixty percent less. that's a lot less. like a lot. choose smile. choose direct. ♪ smiledirectclub ♪ ♪ >> greg: mariah carrie didn't reject him, while gwyneth crams crap up her rectum. >> harris: okay. >> greg: now that's a rhyme. the they're wiardos at their core so it's time for. >> oh, yeah, they're out of touch and they talk too much. it's tmi. >> greg: welcome to tmi the segment where celebs tell us more than we need to know, i'm your host john tesh. first up nick cannon said as a
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teen he had posters of his future mariah carrie on his wall. take that five other women who had his children. >> it is true though. >> greg: thank god we don't all end up marrying our childhood idols or i'll still be hitched to danny bonaduce. we spent one glorious summer in that bus. call it steamy. anyway, meanwhile gwyneth paltrow is making headlines about her wellness routine which seems to revolve about putting stuff in her butt. yeah, sure when she does it it's self care. [laughter] >> greg: i do it, i'm asked to leave the bus station. >> what's the weirdest wellness thing that you've done? >> i have used ozone therapy
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rectaly, can i say that. >> didn't know that about you. >> it's pretty weird. >> it's pretty weird. but it's been very helpful. >> i bet it has. rectal ozone therapy or rot, i just came up with that. involves blowing ozone gas up your butt as an immune booster. shockers don't recommend it except for the ones who like to shove stuff up people's butts. don't get those doctors. oh, man, that was a hell of a year. paltrow's currently being sued for a ski collision she had in your you take back in 2016. an elderly doctor claims she crashed into him leaving him brain damaged so bad his family's caught him watching cnn. gwyneth counter sued claiming he hit her and says she felt sexually assaulted are the collision. >> i was skiing and two skis came between my skis forcing my legs apart and then there was a
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body pressing against me and there was a very strange grunting noise. so my brain was trying to make sense of what was happening. i thought, am i -- is this a practical joke? is someone like doing something perverted. this is really, really strange. >> greg: strange, indeed. i want more highlights. >> may i ask how tall you are? >> i'm just under 5'10". >> okay. i am so jealous. >> i think i'm shrinking, though. >> i'm assuming, you're under oath here, that you're a good tipper. >> yes. >> okay. fantastic. i wouldn't expect anything less. has deterred you from enjoying the rest of what was a very expensive vacation. >> well, he lost half a day of skiing. >> greg: poor thing. you lost a half a day of skiing. i would say blow it out of your
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ass but you already did. [cheers and applause] >> greg: harris, aren't you proud of me for that joke. >> harris:' proud of you for doing pilates just then. >> greg: i only do upper body pilates. i don't know what that is. >> harris: i don't even know what that is. >> greg: harris, did you have posters on wall when you were a kid? i envision you being an eric estrada fan. >> harris: i loved chip. i went to school in california after my dad left the military. how much of the story do you really want? but i didn't have posters of him. >> greg: what? >> harris: i didn't have posters. >> greg: you want to talk about paltrow's butt instead? >> harris: so i thought this was interesting. [laughter]. >> harris: oh, i love it when i surprise you.
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so you played part of that but she goes on to say, after my brain was trying to make sense of what was happening, i froze when he slid his skis between my legs. i absolutely froze. there's a lot going on with her. >> greg: uh-huh. yes. >> harris: and this guy sues for what, $300,000. that's like a sneeze for her. that's $20 for gwyneth paltrow. does she need a new role. >> greg: she doesn't sneads anymore thanks to the ozone therapy. >> harris: dead right now. >> greg: it's an immune booster right? jamie that's what you need. you'll never be on tmz so you're lucky. choose the topic you wish to discuss. >> jamie: there's so many places. you know what's weird i heard brian stelter say he had a poster of chips but it was potato chips. [laughter] >> greg: boom.
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>> jamie: actually no kidding i had a poster of rob schneider on my wall when i was growing up. i never ended up sleeping with him. i did kiss his ass for a few years. don't you think this officially gwyneth -- don't you have too much money if you have a rectal ozone therapy budget? >> kat: yes. >> jamie: isn't that too much money. also rectal ozone sounds like one of the indy band greg plays between commercials. is this rectal ozone? no this is anal pollution. very similar. i don't know, the whole -- i feel like they're both full of [bleep]. >> greg: yes. >> jamie: like skier guy and her, leak it all sounds like really bizarre to me right? don't you feel like you would have to be -- >> greg: it feels like it's unnecessary, to harris's point, 300 grand to her is a sneeze, a
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urine smoked sneeze, if you will. but --. >> harris: and if he were really that injured he'd sue for more now i guess he thinks people know his name. >> greg: exactly. he's a doctor wouldn't you hate to have a trend like gwyneth paltrow because you couldn't do stuff with her because it would always be really expensive and involve your butt. like hey do you want to go bowling? no, unless that involves a bowling ball up my butt >> kat: i don't think she would like me very much. >> greg: i don't think she would either. >> jamie: and i take that as a compliment. i remember that guardian headline that said something along the lines of gwyneth paltrow broke down and ate bread during the quarantine. what was your lowest point. and then they changed it to how did you surprise yourself because sometimes headlines are changed because they're not accurate sometimes because they're too accurate. she had a meltdown because she ate a piece of bread. she also sells rocks for people
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to put in their vagina and they're like expensive and she says that's good. this is a horrible woman. >> greg: yeah or is she kind of like blm where you succeeder the white liberals who want to feel. blm got like hundreds of millions of dollars from white liberals. she's getting money from white liberals. no conservative is doing this >> kat: i don't know anyone who's doing this and if you are please don't tell me because i wouldn't respect you if i'm talking to somebody with a rock in their vagina on purpose. >> harris: oh, my goodness >> kat: i'm serious. i feel like i have to work on myself esteem i'm like nope what if i end up with the opposite problem selling vagina candles. she that, too. >> greg: yeah, yeah, puts it between a rock and a hard place right jim. >> jimmy: we could do this all
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day. she doesn't smoke weed but she does have a crack problem. [cheers and applause] iehere's something i find her to be guilty of more than any celebrity she's ruining the power of celebrity by giving us too much access. and what i mean by that is celebrities used to be elusive. faye dunn away used to hire somebody to go down the block that looked like her to throw paparazzi off the scent because she wanteded to dine alone. this girl's little like here's a candle smells like my bleep bleep. it's a candle. it's a little too much. i'll see you in the editing room. >> greg: all right. coming up which home town story will get all the glory. ♪ ♪ a beach house, a treehouse, ♪ ♪ honestly i don't care ♪ find the perfect vacation rental for you booking.com,
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nine-time emmy award winner chet van jansen. and now here's chet. >> greg: harris, you don't have an emmy do you? >> harris: i have six. you know that. [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> greg: all right. it's local news. it's a segment where each guest has to share a news story from wherever they're from and i vote and the winner gets a photo of me in a bunny suit in our fantasy portrait show case. ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ >> greg: yeah. so you working hard or hardly
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working. >> your call i'll see you later at the manhole, all right? >> greg: jimmy, you go first. >> jimmy: my local news story is on diction hills long island where 11 year old brian lieu just won the spelling bee and i love this why because it's the most long island word of all time that he won it with, it was nays which is meat sauce. it's so long island. anywhere else they're like spell infa is the mall. >> in new york they're like spell forget about it. the second person to win the spelling bee from long island after george santos. i don't know if we count that one. >> greg: i wouldn't count that
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one. until he comes on the show we don't even mention him here he's dead to us. george you're dead to us. harris your story. >> harris: i live in jersey and apparently the new walking dead spinoff, because what are there now 52? okay, this one is called the walking dead dead city and they set it in manhattan but they're shooting it in places like holmdel new jersey, like really sweet places, paterson new jersey. like my ville over there. because nothing says zombie like living next to harris faulkner. >> greg: don't you think it's strange they need to add zombies to new york. you don't need to. they're owl there already. >> harris: but they're coming to my state to get them. >> jimmy: thipted to film it where the walking dead are but they couldn't get access to the oval office. >> harris: wow nice. whoa. all right that milwaukees me feel better. >> greg: you are soaking in read meat juice.
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>> jimmy: all day it's an atkins >> greg: jamie? >> jamie: my story sucks and i want that bunny picture. [laughter] >> jamie: so two weeks ago in alaska where i live just down the road from me this moose was eating some vegetation in a basement window. and it slipped and fell into the person's basement. and so fire fighters rescued this moose. it was down there for six hours. and they rescued this moose. and i'm watching this and i'm going, they rescued after six, i've been trapped there 20 years and no one's come for me. what about me. >> greg: that's amazing. >> harris: where you live? >> jamie: i live in alaska and i think we have a picture, i have a picture of a moose at my back porch. that's my house appear that moose came every day for two weeks. >> harris: i used to live in
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minnesota. beautiful. >> jamie: that's my ex-wife and baby you can tell. >> greg: they're going to sue you. >> jamie: you can tell she takes after her because she has the blurry face. [laughter] >> greg: kat >> kat: the detroit zoo is on high alert. >> greg: why? >> kat: i'll tell you why. because animals have already gone missing from louisiana new york and dallas and there was an individual who may have been casing the zoo, which i thought only happened in my favorite childhood film, slapy and the stinkers. any fans here of slapy and the stinkers? five kids one sea lion in rules. you never seen it. i may not know who robert red ford is and all the pictures people sent me didn't help. but slapy and the sinkers.
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>> greg: i'm going to look it up. up next and best selling writer. actively shields the enamel to defend against erosion and cavities. i think that this product is a gamechanger for my patients- it really works. the new chase ink business premier card is made for people like sam who make...? ...everyday products... ...designed smarter. like a smart coffee grinder - that orders fresh beans for you. oh, genius! for more breakthroughs like that... ...i need a breakthrough card... like ours! with 2.5% cash back on purchases of $5,000 or more... plus unlimited 2% cash back on all other purchases! and with greater spending potential, sam can keep making smart ideas... ...a brilliant reality! the new ink business premier card from chase for business. make more of what's yours.
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♪ >> a story in five words. ♪ >> greg: a story in five words: my book cover is awesome. just unveiled today, it is huge.
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take a look at that! can you see everybody on the cover? huh? look, everybody's just thrilled. there you go. uh-huh. [cheers and applause] >> greg: yeah! the king late night will be released on july 25th, my mother's birthday. it was totally coincidental but i'll pretend it wasn't. available for pre-order on line today, try to get it to number one overnight but i want you to do it with somebody else as well. there will be at graphed verses if you go to ggutfeld.com or amazon or whatever. but enter the contest. head to ggutfeld.com. the first person to fame all of the characters on the cover in the thread will win a prize. and it will not be rectal oh zone therapy. >> bummer. >> greg: i want to congratulate jamie on his victory today. [cheers and applause] so i want
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you to do one thing tonight. i want you to buy two books at once. kat when does your book come out >> kat: it comes out on april 18th. >> greg: right, okay. i read this book finished it on a plane ride, a 2.5 hour plane ride, it was that good. and i urge everybody to buy book, if for just one chapter in which there's a chapter here in which something is discussed that comblong has ever been discussed in any book ever and you will be riveted >> kat: and disgusted. >> greg: you will be riveted and disgusted >> kat: but you need to hear it. >> greg: you might as well just buy it because people are going to be talking about this for a while. yeah, finally talk about this instead of your lousy marriage. >> harris: oh. >> greg: harris, he loves it. >> jimmy: you were saying
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>> jamie: when you were saying it was something that was never there i thought you were going to say jamie's sex life. >> harris: can't talk about something that was never there. >> greg: we'll be right back.
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>> greg: we are a out of time. -- are out of time. [cheers and applause] >> trace: good evening and welcome to "fox news @ night." i am trace gallagher in los angeles. we begin with breaking news and branded video that i am just now seeing for the first time showing the 28-year-old nashville school shooter who police say is a transgender woman stalking the halls of the covenant elementary premeditate. not only did the shooter leave a detailed manifesto, but also had detailed maps to the campus. it turns out the shooter shot at
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a side door and blew

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