>> laura: what? i am out. that's it for us tonight. always set your dvr to stay connected. it is america now and forever. greg gutfeld is next. >> [cheers and applause]. >> ♪ ♪ >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: that's okay. not crazy about it. hey, hey, hey! yes! happy thursday everybody. ron desantis announced his candidacy which means it's time for -- >> ♪ ♪

♪ here he comes ♪ ♪ straight out of florida ♪ ♪ a record without ♪ ♪ a scandal ♪ ♪ oh, yeah ♪ ♪ oh, oh ♪ ♪ when ron launches ♪ ♪ his campaign ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ if you are feeling blue ♪ ♪ ron desantis ♪ ♪ is right on cue ♪ ♪ ♪>> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: [laughing]. that was terrible! i said make it bad. mission accomplished. during an audio stream with elon musk on twitter. there were federal glitches. biden asked any way to hook us

up with the glitches in musk dealt with those responsible. >> you did it. >> great. >> greg: it looks like musk. the conversation got going and lasted about an hour. we pause now to listen to all of it. >> i am running for president. united states. >> greg: that's enough. not the first time i promised an hour and finished in seconds. >> [laughing]. >> greg: i don't know what that means. later ron stopped by to chat with our pal trey goudy despite their differences on what constitutes a good haircut. i think trey doesn't go to a barber. just sticks his head into the world's largest pencil sharpener. >> [laughing]. >> greg: ron, do we know if the country is on the wrong track?

>> we see with our eyes. see the border overrun and crime in cities. the federal government making it more difficult for families to make ends meet. we have a president who is a listless vessel. >> greg: that's so true. biden has a lot of lists. look at this one. i will read it. put on shoes after socks. don't put on socks after shoes. only shake hands with real people. the person named jill is your wife. ron desantis made it clear our country is off track. something biden and friends won't ever admit literally with trains off tracks. joe treats them like unplanned grandchildren like they never happened. ron better be ready to ramble. the media and the dems see him not just as a huge threat but

evil. their mouths are foaming like kevin spacey watching a little league game. "vanity fair" said ron desantis will announce his 2024 bid with elon musk because david duke was not available. david duke is almost as irrelevant as "vanity fair." that shows how the white supremacy are the fabric of imaginations. failed presidential candidates are chiming. this old clam tweeted. ron desantis is ultramaga. florida is not safe for people of color or lbgtq or multi--billion dollars corporations. i bet it's safer than being a former friend of hillary

clinton. it's more of the same lie going back to florida's don't say gay bill that desantis signed. >> gay, gay, gay, gay! >> don't say gay, bill. >> [laughing]. >> greg: the acting. that never happened. the bill could have said florida residents get free rainbow bikinis and a case of bud light and the media would say it's an anti-gay. with the help of the media it's like they set their own hair on fire and call you the arsonist. it's stupid to think this will be noncontentious with a non-trump candidate. they will be called evil from

the start. they will fix an election fighting hillary clinton. -- hitler. the cnn headline why ron desantis is as dangerous as trump or more. we were told trump was a threat. ohio is this possible? he is super maga evil. like cnn they screwed themselves. if you don't say ron desantis is as bad as trump that's an endorsement for desantis. if you say he's worse than trump you expose your hysteria for what it was. >> [bleep]. >> do you dislike people of color? what is wrong with american history? what is wrong with gay folks. >> this is do what ron desantis

tells you to do agenda. >> greg: the demonization is streaming like a trans-girl in a track meet. >> he is like clarence thomas who believes in pulling yourself up by boot traps rather than understanding the systemic racism minorities face. he didn't get and neither does clarence. that's why they are republicans. >> greg: thanks for explaining to us what it's like to be black in america, you 80-year-old white hack who once or a black face. she is ugly no matter what the color. you have to have real balls to be a white woman lecturing black men to being black. maybe she does. >> [laughing]. >> greg: the bottom line.

if the gop has plans to win they have to swing like larry kudlow at nude volleyball. >> [laughing]. >> greg: quite an image. don't pretend if trump is out of the picture the never trumpers will return to the fold. they still hate you for liking trump. if you hope for a calmer election, don't kid yourself. they want to destroy you and the candidates. perhaps they want you dead. they can count on you to vote democrat. >> [cheers and applause]. >> ♪ ♪ >> let's welcome tonight's quest. thinks outside of the box and sleeps in one at night. michael. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: mother's day was 2 weeks ago and she's still hung

over. julie. like the manhattan d.a. because she never lets you to finish a sentence. fox news contributor. kat timpf. he has his head in the cloud, tyrus. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: i have to go in reverse order tonight because as we played joy behar, he could hear tires. >> my pronoun was you. >> greg: yes. how do you feel about her giving you information on what it's like to be black? >> well, i could give her information what it is like to be a bitch. this is why the elite left by her push racism so much.

i am a white supremacist and all of this stuff. there is enough out there to say what they want to say. it was so hard for her not to say what she really wanted to say. if you watch that, these guys, that's not the word she wanted to use. any black man that is successful on his own clearly can't be black. they know what black people are. they need them. they can't do things without them. the saddest thing was watching sonny co-sign. it's never about color. it's about them. it's only us brothers that we have to work so hard to get to a certain place. we get there and we hop through all of these hurdleses and they praise us. as soon as we don't do what they wanted us to do we were not black in the first place. can i have my white privilege

then? if i am not black, what am i? i can't be white. she gets away with this. it's even on their own show. whoopi goldberg made comments about the jewish experience based on her ideas as a black woman. to apologize and kicked off the air for a week. joy behar can call scott and the supreme court uncle toms and get away with it. used republicans for arching -- uncle toms. >> greg: you noticed that i was lying. no matter what republican is put forward they are more evil than the one before it. why thing there will be no drama? >> the fact she used racism and

clarence thomas in the same sentence. but they are republicans. you can't be republican and black. a genius! she had sonny right next to her as a minority and doesn't say a word. they don't have an actual spine. just preaching to the choir which is their liberal audience. if you are black god forbid you have conservative values. that's putting more hate on the american public and ignorant viewers that buy the [bleep] they are selling. they listen to her expertise as a white 80-year-old woman to talk about how the black man service. ron desantis announcing on twitter. that was stupid. i like ron desantis. that was a bad move. a 44-year-old presidential candidate elect, he goes on twitter thinking social media. young people. that was a bad choice.

>> greg: do you agree, michael, twitter is a social media platform that people with phones and the internet. living on the street you have no familiarity with anything electrical. you tap into other people's lines? >> yes, we do dumpster talk. you scream into it and it echoes over to the next one over. hobo joe has a fresh can of beans. i think the twitter thing was great. everybody is talking about. the twitter staff is elon musk and 2 dudes and elon musk takes off early to build a rocket. wild to see the left get emboldened. like everybody will do search and replace articles. white about trump. if desantis is the guy, they just replace him as the mother of all evangelicals. hillary clinton with her warning

tweet about florida. florida is not safe. that's a warning coming from that. like florida should do a video going i feel good. i love white. i won't commit suicide. you won't find me on a tree with 2 shots and no gun. >> greg: she is like joe in good fellows. going way too far. only a week away from the durham report. her campaign made it up. paid for the steele dossier. hillary is going florida, i don't think you are safe. you might have a problem down there. [laughing]. talk about balls. >> greg: true. kat, did you listen to the announcement on twitter? i didn't know about it until i heard about the glitches. the glitches helped. >> i didn't listen to it. no.

ron desantis, it's weird. 10 years older than i am, i feel like he could be my dad. i don't know why. he is boring which is a good thing. it's embarrassing that the glitches happened. when you hype something up and it doesn't work. that's sad. i am surprised that trump didn't claim responsibility for. i checked all day. how did you like that twitter? what if? maybe. i think going forward the 25 minute glitch is going to be repeatedly brought up by trump over and over again. i don't know. it's going to be tough. >> greg: an go interesting comparison -- trump's announcement was the escalator

and then he exploded. not sending their best people. it's a glitch. >> i can chime in? the left thinks they have the formula to beat trump down pat. they can't afford ron desantis or scott or haley. look at the republican party. you have a representative from every corner of the planet culturally. nothing. because they know, they think they can beat trump. they have to destroy desantis and everyone who comes out. if they get him to the general they can beat him. president trump has to be tricky and maybe starts praising the people he is running against.

cnn will do all of the heavy lifting. they think we want trump because we beat him before and i think that i can beat him again. >> greg: up next governors laying the take on wokeness in their state. ♪ i like to move it, move it ♪ ♪ you like to... move it ♪ we're reinventing our network. ♪ ♪ ♪ fast. reliable. perfectly orchestrated. the united states postal service.

>> greg: can companies want to lose enemy listen to gavin newsom. governor grease ball is slamming target for its response to the

transswimsuit disaster. the bottoms with tuck friendly construction so women can hide their penis. it's a common problem on talk shows. >> [laughing]. >> greg: newsom called out target's ceo for selling out the lbgtq community and tweeted there is a systemic attack on the gay community happening across the country. it doesn't stop here. black, asian, jewish, women you are next. neglected to include the special interest group the dutche bag. he is full of [bleep] but saying it anyone. no one is blocking target from selling anything. what does he mean you are next. is the public coming after black, jewish bikinis?

target selling them that allows women to tuck in their penises #. it's strange. some companies are pucking the tuck in trend. >> the untuck it shirt. untuck yourself. >> [laughing]. >> greg: just a couple of years ahead of their time. >> i am sure they appreciate the play. >> greg: i know! it's the summer of pride tour. they are putting the camp in camping. a drag queen. come on, it's cute. inserting drag queens into everything is how unimaginative people define originality. >> hi. it's me patty. a real live homosexual. >> come out. in nature with us.

>> this tour has everything. hiking, community, art. lesbians making art. >> greg: with that out fit hunters could not think he is a deer. i forgot your name. julie. we are not making fun of anybody. we are making fun of corporations and their quest to cover-up their own greed. they buy off activists with virtue signaling. he is telling everybody he is a real life homoexual and we are supposed to go like this. we know that. >> this is like my kids are in public school tonight. all of the nation's kids know

about it. the bathing suits and newsom's ridiculous comments about what is next. are they going to take away our pushup bras? >> no! >> pushup and heavily badded. flat girl, you are out. you are next. >> seventh grade all over again. >> she's got nothing. >> nipples stuck to a rib cage. >> my 7-year-old has the same. move on. >> greg: i will move on. i will move on to kat. i don't know. >> i can just talk and take it from here. >> greg: go for it. >> i am a professional. the north based ad missed a huge opportunity. why didn't they use a lesbian?

who goes camping? >> greg: why didn't the beer company use a lesbian instead of the trans-girl? >> that's a good point. >> who is the best at camping. lesbians. they can grill! i love drag queens. they are not going camping. who are, lesbians. just from a branding perspective why not have a lesbian doing the things lesbians do and god bless them. >> greg: lesbians, les-be-out. >> [laughing]. >> greg: thank you. it took a while but it landed and died. you are a lesbian --

>> i am. >> greg: [laughing]. >> compete with subaru. they are going to bring back dead celebrities with aaye. john wayne when i put on lip stick up could do weird stuff -- i want to celebrate gavin newsom. the best way of governing. just convince people there is a boogeyman coming to get you and you are saving them. >> greg: taking the emphasis off california he points at other states. >> asians, they are coming after you. sorry about the drugs and the homeless. i worked full-time to keep you alive. they are coming for you.

24/7. >> greg: that's true. tyrus? you camp? >> i used to. i would not be afraid of bears anymore. >> greg: different bears. >> every word is a bear trap now. i came out last night on the show. i am homophobic so not the guy to ask on this. we will say the wrong thing. >> greg: not a campo-phobe? >> no, it's easier to hide a body and go the camel ate it. newsom is clever. he is condemning what target is doing but not doing anything about it. they moved the stuff back in. i had a situation last night i had to explain the swimsuits in target with my 9-year-old. she is like what is that thing? i said that's where you put your

goggles. she told me that's dumb. they should go on your head. i am not buying that bathing suit because i am a phobic. >> greg: it's dumb for people to go into these stores and make a big deal about it. that reenforces the idea that you are like outraged. no one is outraged. we think it's pathetic. these stores are doing this to raise their die points among activists. we don't give a [bleep]. >> have a trans-section like big and tall. >> greg: you have to bring that up. >> i am big and tall. >> at target? >> right next to the baby section where you can get your stuff. >> [laughing]. >> greg: don't laugh at that people.

i don't like you people. clear the audience out. >> a bunch of phobes here to>> greg: up next a very brady house. how to grow more vibrant flowers: step one: feed them with miracle-gro shake 'n feed. that's it. miracle-gro. all you need to know to grow.

meet the future. a chef. a designer. and, ooh, an engineer. all learning to save and spend their money with chase. the chef's cooking up firsts with her new debit card. hungry? -uhuh. the designer's eyeing sequins. uh no plaid. while mom is eyeing his spending. nice. and the engineer? she's taking control with her own account for college. three futures, all with chase.

freedom for kids. control for parents. one bank for both. chase. make more of what's yours. >> greg: the price of 5 mill too harsh for a place to say marsha? yes, the brady bunch called it home. to own it you need a loan. the brady bunch house is a cool 5.5-million dollars. for an extra 10 grand sam the butcher will deep delivering meat. located in studio city, california. it was only used in the series for exterior shots. but they dumped millions into renovations to mimic the

interior of the show. almost as marsha spent to reconstruct her nose. >> hey, you guys. oh! >> greg: it still makes he laugh. charlie took her to the prom because the other [bleep] didn't. you can move into this '70s time capsule. in film and television you see where the main characters live. what about the supporting cast? batman, for example. very elegant and stately. here is where robin lived. all of that sliding down the bat pole and nothing to show for it. here's where the girls from the facts of life lived. that was stately and nice. this is where mrs. garrett lived. where the cleavers from leave it

to beaver lived. this is where eddie haskell lived. this is where mr. ed lived, but where his brother lived. >> oh! >> greg: michael, it's mean to come to you first because you are homeless. all houses for you are fictional. what house would you live in? >> i would not be the brady house. it's hideous. it's horrible. it's everything i hate. having lived in studio city for a long time, we lie. when we drive to our friends visiting, is that the brady house? yeah, yeah. they are all the brady house. the house i would live in for a sitcom gilligan's island.

>> greg: hammocks. >> freedom. you go mrs. howl. the motive star would lie. mary ann will get married -- no. but lovey will get freaky. >> greg: you put thought into that. back in the day he was a millionaire! [laughing]. kat, your house? fictional house? >> richie's house from the smash hit richie rich. >> a smash hit? >> i have never seen the brady bunch. it ended when my dad was 17. tried to be respectful.

i called my dad and said do you think of the brady bunch. i can't say i have seen it 59 times. -- many times. marsha and that was it. my dad worked in the factory. missed his high school graduation. everyone is we watch reruns. i don't have that many challenges. he had -- channels. >> greg: you hate the brady bunch. >> i don't hate it i am very young. >> originally golden girls. too many roommates. i don't like visitors. i will change to the amitville horror house.

the last guy who lived there lost his mind and was frozen in a maze. >> greg: julie? >> i shows gilligan's island. i would love to be lost where no one can find me. >> land of the lost? >> i will go with the love boat. anything happens on the love boat. >> greg: nice. fantasy island great. >> that's the one to live on. >> greg: i had two. hagman's bad in i dream of genie. the swinging astronaut bachelor. >> why did he go to work? stay home and i will do whatever you want. >> greg: i picked jim rockford's trailer. living on the beach.

>> richie rich's house had a mcdonald's in it. >> greg: now he's dead, i think. chances are he is dead. a man who [inaudible]. this is... ♪ this is iowa. we just haven't been properly introduced. say hello to the place where rolling hills meets low bills. where our fields, inside and out, are always growing. and where the fun is just getting started.

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that's it. miracle-gro. all you need to know to grow. before... and bath fitter. now's the time to call bath fitter to get a beautiful “after.” with our unique tub over tub process, there's no mess or stress. bath fitter. it just fits. visit bathfitter.com to book your free consultation. >> coast to coast with stories that matter most. you are watching local news with emmy award winner with chet.

>> local news. share a story and i vote on the winner and they get a prize in our showcase. >> [cheers and applause]. >> [laughing]. >> ♪ ♪ >> greg: what is the prize? >> the song lyrics. >> greg: why are miserable? >> i don't want to talk about. this you are not my real dad. >> greg: i am not your real dad so we can go camping together. new york city lawmakers consider a bill to allow grocery stores to sell wine. why has it taken so long. you have the candy for the kids.

i want a wine with a wine tasting so i can take what i take home. >> greg: the wine they sell dessert wine. we should set down this segment because you won. >> thank you. >> greg: where are you from? >> california? >> grew up in columbus, ohio. that's the big story. wendy's the fast-food giant is experimenting with robot underground delivery. these will be spiders that crawl around. you park your car and phone in and then they send your food -- they invented the conveyer belt in columbus, ohio.

>> they found scissors in a guy's butt hole in indiana. he got arrested. the body scan and scissors in the anal cavity. >> greg: did he explain? >> i don't think you can. probably doing arts and crafts. so important to him he shoved it up his butt. >> greg: rogue hairstylists. >> if you can do that, what can't you do? >> greg: the world is your oystster. >> you get in prison and love sewing greg that was fun. tyrus? >> i don't want to go now. oh, well, they were up when the

show started. trying to make history. just like this episode i will be heart broken after i walk out. after you, chet disblog. >> greg: i love a good thing found in somebody's butt. you win the it? >> yes, do i have to take emo home? >> greg: yes, do you. up next a violent attack over a microwaveable snack. hi, i'm lauren, i lost 67 pounds in 12 months on golo. golo and the release has been phenomenal in my life.

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(funky electronic music) (narrator) invest in. believe in. move in. grow in. build in. thrive in. all in north carolina. ranked america's top state for business. >> a story in five words. never eat hot pockets. all right 64-year-old kentucky man named clifton williams was arrested for allegedly shooting his roommate in the butt for eating their last top pocket. the victim is expected to recover. clifton was charged with assault. this reminds me of some of the stories you encounter with your hobo friends on the train.

>> that's right. whoever has the can opener. these beings are going to cook themselves. there is something mysterious and wonderful about hot pockets that drives people to this madness. >> it is always a hot pocket. >> is the delicious treat that will make you shoot your roommate in the booty. like lee marvin the actor was shot in the butt. he famously had 4 wounds. he got it sideways so it went cheek to cheek cracker cheek cheek . [laughter] >> what i want in the hot pocket wound is that cheek cheek exit or cheek cheek cheek cheek? was he kobold? >> i want to go home. i would have the distinct honor of being part of the hot pocket ad campaign in the day and when someone took mine shooting them

it's really bad for you but i feel like there needs to be more to this story.it could have been one hot pocket. there had to be levels of warnings like how many times do i have to tell you, you don't touch my hot pocket. there had to be a build it. it had to be something. it couldn't be one time she stabbed me. >> are he ate it because he was so hungry from his wife. >> he doesn't want to admit his wife is a cheater and the anger was overly hot pocket >> so they want to work it out. and they want people to be talking about their relationship the family is like she cheated on you.so he settled it with a hot pocket. >> speaking of hot pockets. >> it was her hot pocket. >> exactly.

>> i think we cracked the case. >> i am doing car wheels over scissors and peoples butts. >> is there any food you would shoot someone over? >> a fighter diver every time somebody tried to touch my hot pocket and i say no every time but hot pockets are awful. they since the top of your mouth. they are dangerous.we did him a favor by taking his hot pocket. he wants to bite into that? it's like a ball of fire and the top skin of the roof of your mouth is gone. >> soma should create a hot pocket filled with cap'n crunch great >> and you pour the milk in it to make it so good and you are done and the roof of your mouth doesn't exist. you can stick your hand up and scratch your eyeball.

scratcher eyeball. >> i'm going to take the kids with me. let's go. >>. [applause]u >>

>> >> >> good evening and welcome to america's late news fox news @ night. i am tracing calendar. and the fired new york city college professor who put a machete to the throat of the new york post reporter says she is the victim. an irs whistleblower speaking publicly alleging the doj slow walk the hunter biden investigation. we begin with tragedy and the exploding migrant crisis were a four-month-old migrant child died in a new york hotel being used as a sh