9:00 p.m. eastern 6:00 pacific. so you never ever miss an episode of hannity. in the meantime thank you for being with us. thank you and let not your heart be troubled. greg gutfeld is next. he will put a smile on your face. we will see you next monday. hello everybody! hello everybody. it is friday and you know what that means. let's welcome tonight's guests. she has more experience reporting on sports then can those complaining about them.

shelter boya michelle to avoid a. he wants ert to rip. senior fellow at the manhattan institute, christopher rufo. she is like a ufo. mysterious, nocturnal and often found by farmers. fox news contributor cat. and finally, he can raise 12 holsteins. it's a cow, everybody. my sidekick tyrus. i've got to make fun of joe. before we get to some new stories, it is friday. let's do this. >> greg's leftovers. it is leftovers. i read the jokes we did not use this week.

as always, it is my first time reading these. if they suck, we will push joe mackey off a cruise ship. they never arrest anybody for that. here we go. drink some water. this week a nude woman was arrested after she fired gunshots on a california highway. she is being charged with three counts of impersonating hunter biden. that's a good one. hunter's plea deal with his own father's justice department blew up this week after prosecutors refused to give back the property hunter had left at the white house. yeah! meanwhile the white house ruled out the notion that president biden would pardon his son. it's the most trustworthy biden promise since hunter told london roberts he would pull out. what? what? what are you talking about?

legal analysts are afraid hunter will walk or worse joe will try to walk. these are pretty good. the irs has announced they will no longer make unannounced visits to most homes and businesses. especially this one. officials revealed this week that a florida manatee died after having too much high intensity sex with his brother. according to officials the animal sustained a 14-centimeter rip in his. that attributed the death to covid. who knew that about manatees? maybe that is why they smile so much. in sacramento two shoplifters were called on camera stealing from a local business. police say the suspects are on the lamb and on the pork, chicken, beef and fish.

the suspects are described as gelatinous. the miss italy beauty pageant says they will not allow competitors who are biological males. organizers say is the only way to stop content ends from pinching their own. that is because in italy that is what they do. they say that. i wouldn't know. a new first dog commander has been accused of biting white house staff. commander released a statement saying he can sniff but i can't biden? in your face, sniffer. a communications director for the white house said it could be unique and often stressful environment for pets especially for thugs who spend time near the president since they cannot tell that staffers were picking

up his are theirs. awful, disgusting. the oddest new fashion is the face mask made from uv resistant fabric. i can think of one place where a face bikini should be mandatory. a woman who threw her 36 braw at the rapper drake at his concert received an offer from playboy. and her bra has received an offered to cover the infield at yankee stadium. the venice film festival refusing to rescind invitations to disgrace directors roman polanski and woody allen. they apologize for scheduling the appearances during the children's matinee. like you are offended.

you have already forgotten the joke. in celebration of national mustard day, who knew? skittles will partner with branches to make its first ever mustard flavored candy. parent company mars is welcome in your mouth as a loaded handgun. that is funny. shoot in your mouth. and oil protest that illegally blocked traffic in the uk because a pregnant woman to crash her car earning the group praise from planned parenthood. 77-year-old cher is launching her own line of gelato. we will stop there. i will go further. unlike share, it will not contain any chemical preservatives. terrible.

you people make me sick. finally, new maple flavored spam will hit store shelves this fall. in a related story brian seltzer dislocated his right shoulder doing backflips. all right, to some news. workers get canned because wokeness killed their brand. employees carried the brunt of blood's marketing stun. the parent company anheuser-busch is laying off about 380 employees in corporate and marketing roles. brewery and warehouse staff are not affected. their punishment is to keep making bud light. financial experts say the layoffs include a push to shift away from progressive politics as no one wants to watch woke political agendas shoved down their throats. more importantly they need the empty offices to store all the beer no one wants to buy. it's the latest fallout stemming from the dylan mulvaney debacle.

you remember the self-proclaimed girl, a trans influence are celebrating the joys of bud light. she had all the feminine wilds of a young don knots. betraying of beer drinking bobblehead in a bubble bath, dylan did not just play a woman she played as ditzy morons. i am surprised she did not keep the bubble bath buy in a toaster. while workers get the boot, dylan is getting the loot. dylan can earn as much as $40,000 per speech on an upcoming college speaking tour. get this, dylan is teaching women about female empowerment which is like cat teaching men about the benchpress. but is it really empowerment when the lucrative female speaking gig goes to dylan? who knows? maybe mulvaney is the right man for the job.

i miss gendered. i meant person. i hate it when i do that. i hate it when you do that. is it fair that they fire all those people? it seems clear to me that beer shouldn't need a marketing department. >> they certainly did not lead alyssa who was the decision-maker behind that whole thing. i kind of worried about her. she knows all of this is a trickle-down effect from that single decision. you know what i mean? i wonder what she is doing and how many phone calls she is making to apologize to people. you don't need that much marketing for a beer. but if they fire the lower level people it would have looked awful. they had to fire the upper level. they lost a ton of money. modelo is now the number one beer. it's more expensive so it's not selling the same volume. >> isn't modelo owned by anheuser-busch? >> i think it is. they just shifted all the money over there. they now need to find a trans

mexican. modelo mexican. i have an idea. where is that dude from menudo? he is not trans. he is a very talented singer. ricky martin. congratulations on this book. america's cultural revolution by chris. you are the spear, the tip of the spear in this war against crazy woke culture. do you think your company is starting to learn a lesson? >> they absolutely are. for many decades the companies had everything from the cultural and political right. they spent 2020 pandering to the elements of the radical left on blm, gender and ideologies. only when the companies feel the pain on the other side do they change their behavior. they are amoral. they operate on incentive. conservatives finally after so many years proved that we can shift incentives and

decision-making. we should feel no hesitation. obviously we feel bad for the individuals who lost their jobs. you have to hang tough because bud light is not just a corporation that aired. it's a symbol and warning for every other corporation. keep the politics out of my beer and my regular products and you will have what you need from the political right. >> keep politics out of politics. that's what i say. cat, this must upset you. basically dylan mulvaney lee stole a 40 grand gig job from you. you could be doing female empowerment at various college campuses. but instead dylan mulvaney is. but he, she, whatever does not have a percentage of talent that you have. >> i think that was a compliment. thank you. i don't think it was just dylan mulvaney that created issues for bud light. it was also the outright admission that they were intending to turn off the huge

customer base by saying the brand is out of touch. we need to be inclusive for women and men. that to me is saying that women cannot be friday which i take offense to. i am a very friday woman. >> i have seen your office. >> you have seen me play corn whole. i am very good. where did i learn that? a frat house. i was never in a frat. i was not the first lady of one. it is true. what did you say? >> i don't even know what that means? >> i said better than the last. >> i get it. >> i don't know if i get it. >> i think you do. >> i think you should get it. 3 a saxis would say that. >> or you would say to me every day. i don't think you are a sexist.

>> all right. you were the person that coined the phrase woman face. >> that is what it is. woman face. please continue making your point. please excuse the little guy. go ahead. i am so tired of talking about dylan mulvaney. you are the worst at the job ever. server. you were horrible. people lost jobs because of you. and the genius who was out of touch talking about who is out of touch. the one thing i hate to here is the word corporation and i here groups. blacks, whites. it is individuals who have this god complex and think they know the pulse of the people with no experience, wisdom or character. when they make decisions america said no. instead of that, she is not calling people. absolutely not.

the people is the toxic men's fall. it's the system that came after him. the republicans came after him. where were the people that you supposedly were representing? how come when you switch to budd lake to awful bubblebath scenes and people with no rhythm, what was that? you try so hard because you are so fake. where was the group to by it all the bud light? where was the massive unrepresented group that is suffering that jumped in line. just like dave chapelle win he was protesting. there were eight people there and they still had the gall to have a megaphone. >> it is true. i think people say it is greedy to say prophets come first. but if you make the profits first it's for the customer's benefit. if you have a parallel name which would be diversity or whatever or climate activism. you take it away from the main principle name which is a profit

which you can only make if you make a good product and please your customers. which is what we do here at gutfeld inc. take the company tour. we do a gutfeld inc. company tour every third thursday of a month that begins with the letter m. you have to sign up outside and then leave for hundred dollar deposit. up next it is airport health for kristin bell. you can't leave without cuddles. but, you also can't leave covered in hair. with bounce pet,

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thank you. thank you. while flights nearly collide the air points won't let you sleep inside. even stars experience pain when they dare to travel by plane. married hollywood stars due exist. dax shepard and kristin bell

along with their two kids were kicked out of the boston airport for trying to sleep at the gates. airport authorities denied having anything to do with how awful their movies are. the flight was delayed nine hours into the next day and every hotel within 50 miles was booked. they decided to spend the night. they spent $600 on blankets and sheets. sheets at the airport and pillows. for that price they could have bought four bottled watters. a little airport joke. $600, come on. haven't they heard of other reasonably priced products? there are no my pillow outlets at the airport. i find that kind of sinister. after the airport kicked them out they found their way to a friend of a friend's house. that is mysterious. at 1:00 a.m. the lesson, i'm glad i only traveled by big wheel. meanwhile, in florida and

allegiant plane was almost hit by a private jet and it wasn't mine. passengers were so distraught they actually stopped beating the out of each other. one passenger said the plane had to take immediate evasive action and climb 600 feet to avoid a midair collision. sounds like interns at the few with joy behar coming down the hall. flight attendant was reportedly hurt and the plane had to return to its take off airport. passengers knew something was amiss when the captain illuminated the [ bleep ] sign. i'm glad you did that. we should spell out all the swearwords. that is such a good idea. anyway, chris, you are intellectual, i believe. you put the man in manhattan institute. i am breaking him in slow. what are we doing? what is going wrong?

can we blame it all on mayor pete? >> i think we should. part of it is the process. we see a continual erosion of the standard of living in this country. you have rolling electrical blackouts. airports in chaos. state after state abolishing standard eye test. we are lowering horizons and substituting ideology like diversity, equity and inclusion. people are starting to feel it's no substitute for merit at work. i think that if this continues it will be ripe ground for a politician to exploit peoples frustration. the quality goes down in the price goes up is typically the conditions for getting someone to has the stones that it will require to make changes in our country. >> can you put a camera on chris for a second. doesn't he look like he would be pauly shore's more successful brother? >> yeah. i don't know why. i look at him and see pauly sure

got his act cleaned up. you travel more than anybody here. >> unfortunately, yes. >> is it getting better or worse? >> i think it is funny that the people that went out and actually bought blankets and pillows had to go. they stayed at the gate. if they would lay in the doorway when you walk in they would have been fine. >> that is true. and it's hot out. >> in the winter it is heated. that is frustrating. you don't do that. they are lucky because they are celebrities and went on instagram and said anybody want to put up a celebrity and their kids for the night. regular john and joe taxpayer would be stuck in an airport with small children and the airport basically said sorry, you have to leave. that is terrible. that's a reflection of what frustrated people who don't have backup plans and love to use the excuse act of god. since they don't believe in god,

shouldn't we have to change that? we are not responsible for getting you a hotel room unless it's an act of god. he's not allowed in our churches and schools and airports. so, shouldn't act of god be gone and now it's just act of airport. or act of mayor pizza? shouldn't they be responsible? that is what sucks. it's only convenient when it's convenient for them. it's a shame they had to leave. they were not hurting anybody at the gate. they got blankets and stuff. shame on them for that. the alternative is to walk out in the streets of boston. >> what kind of world would you want to live in this world if mr. and misses kristin bell are treated like riffraff? on the latter of celebrity, we are above them. let's be honest. but if they are going to treat our nation's married celebrities like this, what hope is there for single celebrities

celebrities like pauly shore? >> wow. i feel like you don't have to answer that. >> this is not a court room and you are not her lawyer. >> actually, he is. i am so worried i have an unpopular opinion. that never stopped me before. i don't know if they were kicked out for sleeping at the airport. they might have been kicked out for building infrastructure at the airport. you can get away with sleeping in the airport if you don't make a big deal about it. this is clearly about production. this might be offensive to say. i don't have children so i don't know nothing about the world. but i do know she is not brushing her teeth there. she is nowhere near a sink. she is walking around the airport with a toothbrush in her mouth. look at me. i have to brush my teeth at the airport. you are influencing. maybe they were kicked out for aggressive influencing. and not for sleeping at the

airport. you can sleep at the airport if you are just a little gremlin there. like me. i don't know what it's like to have kids so it's harder to be like shut up and be a gremlin to a child. that is probably why they were kicked out. >> that is why you drug them. drugging children is not something i endorse, but if i had kids, look out drugs. >> back in the day your grandmother would do that. she would give you a sip of whiskey. >> they would put something in your bottle and it would knock you out. not that i condone that. i think they probably got kicked out because there are a certain number of hours in the airport where the public is not allowed. i don't know that for sure. here is what i will say and dovetail off of pauly shore over here. what is wrong with being excellent and having really good high standards? what is wrong with living in

nice pretty surroundings with clean airports and flights that don't crash? what is wrong with this? it seems like there is a certain portion of society way over on the left that feel so guilty about it because not everyone in the world can do that. we have to lower hours in order to make everything fair. rather than being aspirational and inspirational and say this is what can be, we have started to impose this that we can't be better than everyone else. we have to be as low as everyone else. we will not worry about flights or airports. out in new york in the streets there are parts of the street you go around and say what in the hell is that sent? maybe it was you. it was just a joke. >> see what she puts up with? >> that is me. i have an active bladder. >> trash cans all over.

why due people accept this? >> you are right. equity. based on higher how they look. >> equity is another term for lower standards. there you go. that should be on a t-shirt like this where it says nothing is possible. up next, award-winning hair and address with layer.

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stripped of all his enemies. this time he was arrested for streaking in front of thousands of teens at a high school football game. police say when they caught him van jensen said, quote, i thought it would be nice to give the kids a present for their eyes. we will keep you updated on this developing story as it becomes available. now back to gutfeld. >> another tough break for chet. he is in our thoughts and prayers. i am sure he will get back to winning local emmys because god knows they are easy. cat, give me your local news. >> okay. you know what? i will talk about thugs. in minnesota there is a corgi race on sunday. it's a bunch of corgis who as you can see that race other corgis. it just sounds like a load of family fun.

>> it does. >> if you are looking for family fun in minnesota, head down to canterbury park. there is also arts and crafts. it is fun for the whole family. brilliant. the winning corgi, what happens if you win? is that the end? it share isn't. that corgi then gets to go compete with other thugs on september 3rd. more dog racing which sounds like even more family fun. >> it is great because their legs are short. >> look at that. >> that is racist. they let the black one out late. there he is. >> nothing good is going to come from that i tell you. >> it is hard being a

journalist. we have to bring the ugly facts. you hate to see it in the corgi world. but it is everywhere. >> just keeping the race is going. great white shark number is up. you never hear [ bleep ] anything about the great black shark. in massachusetts down in cape cod. you know whose fault this is? the seals. the illegal alien seals come in and set up shop on the beaches and have overpopulated and become a shark utopia. which is again thanks to captain marciano and the great fisherman in boston their conservation has done so well that it has backfired on them. they have arrogant seals protected by the government who knows they can't touch them and they just lay around and don't leave and now they brought the sharks into eat them. that means little white people can't go swimming.

but i for one have no problem with white on white crime. white sharks eating white people i am okay with that. >> that is good. >> there you go. back to you, chet. >> i am not checked. we just look alarmingly alike and we share a bed. michelle? >> is it hard to see they are black? >> they are brown. >> there is one black seal. he is married to heidi clune klum. >> oh god! >> i knew you were going there. >> speaking of heidi klum and fashion, that brings me to my story which was in los angeles my former home. teens around the country decide i will going to the prom and will i be stuck at the prom?

maybe i should make my dress out of duct tape. there was this contest called being stuck at the prom. this young lady made that dress entirely out of duct tape. seriously. i first saw the headline and thought this will be awful. that is pretty amazing. this young boy. these are the two finalists that were named in june that made a tuxedo. there it is. it is in reference to his el salvador and heritage. that is duct tape. can you imagine being stuck in that? >> i don't have to. how do you take it off? let me tell you. that is why i am hairless. >> none of this ever happens at the corgi family fun day. >> i bet some parents are happy if their daughter wears duct tape at the prom. cement that's a good point.

it stays stuck on. >> you know they are fooling around if you hear somebody say ouch. you are pulling it up. what have you've got for us? >> this is a heartwarming story from bremerton, washington. a six-year-old is competing for the national mullet championship. the local news is reporting that he strolls down the boulevard in an adidas track shoot and his nickname is the washington waterfall. young rocky has a great shot in my view. its business upfront and party in the back. he embodies that spirit from the front. i would entrust my 401(k) to this young gentleman. he gives you a side few and then you are blowing lines of cocaine. with the young rocky. he is six, but he has the spirit of the mullet. he has got it. >> he is eastbound and down. i thought that was a wonderful selection of local stories. we will be checking on chet

throughout the weekend to see if he is alive. will we go beyond the pale when we review our mail?

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you are watching mailing it in. all right, welcome to mailing it in. you right and i read and then we take an origami class where we bond over the love of tiny paper birds until i realize it wasn't about origami at all. i wanted a diversion from the crazy world we live in. i frame you for murder and you go to jail and we never speak again. here we go. call in 1981 asks have you ever gotten caught in an embarrassing situation at a party? this sounds like a cat question. cat? put them in order. >> no.

i've never got caught in an embarrassing situation. i am the party. >> yes, you are. i don't know, michelle. you dodged the question. >> she dodged the question artfully unlike what i did at a party once. it was a big, big, glass door and very clean. you know what's coming. i walked right into it in front of a ton of people. but the best part was this woman looked at me and said two minutes later she walked into the door. >> but you pushed her. that's the difference. >> karma is a. >> tyrus? >> i am not really proud of this. i was at this big birthday party and i went with a friend who was invited by the host. this guy was really annoying and

i was trying to ignore him. he said some dumb [ bleep ] because i wouldn't talk to them. he will not answer me back. i don't speak spanish. i said wrong continent and punched him and knocked him out. then i ruined his birthday because it was his party. >> that is funny, though. >> my excuse was he acted like he owned the place. turns out he did. >> chris? >> there was probably a stretch in my 20s were there were many embarrassing stories. not all of which i remember the complete details to. but not lately, so i feel pretty lucky. >> i thought you would say there was that one moment where a murdered that family. all right. that was boring. here is an earnest question. now that you are successful. is there anyone from your youth you would like to recognize for

their guidance and support that was foundational in making you who you are today? that seems like a question you can answer paulie. >> to my mentor pauly shore. i will tell you. i was kind of a terrible child and very rebellious at school but had some great teachers that taught me how to right. misses gatewood my high school english teacher. i am so sorry for all the years that a tortured and antagonize you. i think she would be happy to know i have a new york times best-selling book. i am sorry and thank you. >> if you are sorry give her part of the advance. tyrus? >> again, life lesson. i had this english teacher named misses mall from england. she looked like a teapot with a little bowl cut.

she told me one day in front of the class. i made a joke and everyone laughed. she said being a smart ass and wannabe wrestler was no way to go in life. well, i would just like to say. >> i cannot wait to see if they block the fingers or blur them. >> with my hands, it is the whole screen. >> exactly. michelle? >> you triggered a memory for me a high school, when she hears this, in high school we were in drama together and she told me i was not beautiful enough to be an actress. she said, but you might be able to be like an anchor or tv anchor. i am not a tv anchor. but i remember that.

>> you are telling me you shouldn't be saying that stuff to women? >> i wouldn't. >> he feels differently. >> was she right, though? >> yeah. i am not beautiful. >> that was terrible. >> you are the first lady of interviews. >> this is too much of a pity party. can i change my answer? >> i will move on. statement to be honest, that was the host of the party that i punched out. >> all right, cat? >> definitely my dad. i have the best dad in the world. he believed in me when no one else did. and of course, cheese. my 13-year-old arrow, geriatric cat. i have cried on him more than anyone else. >> no wonder he tastes salty. >> he is her dick cheney. >> i was glad you did not stop. he has never shot anyone, but

would if he could. >> my favorite story of the week up next. nancy mace, in youwouldnr face. n from innovation refunds at no upfront cost. sometimes you need a second opinion. [coughs] good to go. yeah, i think i'll get a second opinion. all these walls gotta go! ah ah ah! i'd love a second opinion. no. i'm going to get a second opinion. with innovation refunds, there's no upfront cost to find out. so why not check like i did for my small business? take the first step to see if your small business qualifies for the erc.

a story in five words. who gets racey?

ms. macey. >> when i woke up this morning at 7:00 i was getting picked up at 7:45. my fiancé tried to pull me over this morning and i said we don't got time for that this morning. i've got to get to the breakfast. i've got to be on time. a little tmi. he can wait. i will see him later tonight. >> tyrus, that was congresswoman nancy mace at senator tim scott 's prayer breakfast. we've got to go to these prayer breakfasts. >> i think we are all pretty sure what they pray for. nothing like having premarital sex attempt happening to you before a prayer breakfast. i think the bible is against that. pour tim scott. you had one job. just introduced me. no one needed the back story.

let me tell you something right now. as a comedian or tv person or whatever, there is nothing worse than when you laugh at your own joke and everyone else does not. >> i know that feeling. >> you don't care. you are a sociopath. you encourage it. >> i have more fun laughing at myself. >> she said it and no one laughed. you are at a prayer meeting. >> i think there is so much focus on how this was weird to do at a prayer breakfast. this is weird to do ever. >> at a concert. >> if i sat down today and said i am here and everyone knows i could be having sex. i could be doing sex. i live with a man who likes to do sex with me. don't worry i will do sex later. that is weird to do ever. but also, i love that. i am a lot of things, but not a hypocrite. i cannot knock anyone for over

sharing. >> i like the fact that she is berating her heterosexuality. >> amen. there is no missed gender. i like transparency and politics. we had some. it is funny that it happened at a prayer breakfast where sex used to be. >> because no one they are does that. >> nobody. not one of them. >> do any of them? >> he is on the mike pence plan. >> it was a little different. >> i was hoping there was two angles so we could see senator scott's reaction. he is single. i wanted to see in his eyes if there was a glint of ready to mingle. i would love to have that reaction shot. there is a time and place. what you tell your buddy in the locker room than what you tell your grandma on the plastic covered couch. >> apparently there is an. that's why you need to call my

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>> we are out of time. i love you, america. >> and good evening, everybody, i meant for trace gallagher and this is america's late news. fox news at night. fox news @ night. making, parents teachers and faculty at catholic schools in western oregon tonight are no real uproar over new guidelines from the archdiocese there regarding transgender students. portland archbishop says "students should be based on their next assignment is." we'll talk about that and also president biden appearing at least intimidated by talk of a possible inpatient requiring by republican but truly think the matter more seriously?