it's not of my bin >> sean: and i'm not a doctor i'm not qualified. that's all the time we have left this evening. programming note thursday night live studios audience show in new york city, the after show spin room show, by the way, that's coming up on wednesday night after the debate, hannity.com, tickets are free. let not your heart be troubled, greg gutfeld will put a smile on your face right now. have a great night. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ >> greg: all right! good, yes, fun. good times, good times! happy monday, everybody. so cnn did another stupid hilarious thing, and this time the punch line is not chris wallace. wow, tough crowd today, huh?

i don't know if i want to continue this show. anyway, they introduced the world to the phrase neo pronoun. yeah, last saturday cnn published a guide to neo pronouns where they offer the preferred ones which are zaerand aeyer about as common as a pacific hunter biden wearing pants. they said neo pronouns should be respected as much as any other pronoun. i'm going out on a limb and saying you're [bleep] out of luck. the only people who take this crap serious are interns at cnn forced to interview idiots like you. they interviewed over dopes saying neo pronounce are a reflex of someone's identify i had the. i'll give them that if you're a loser, a nobody, or more specific terms, a bore, because only boring lazy people need a neo pronoun. if you're boring it adds ba

assess and if you're lazy you don't have to do anything other than say i'm a z. how lame is this? a made-up pronoun is now a participation professor for people who can't participate in actual life. it's a built-in excuse for people going nowhere without having to travel to delaware. people who list their pronouns are worse than people who list i drive stick under hobbies on their resume. because i can't. wow. you guys. what's in your coffee? but they're like people who say they're spiritual but not religious. they get tattoos so people can ask them about their tattoos. they wear t-shirts of bands they don't listen to. they get degrees in subjects that aren't useful to anyone. they brag when they write a book, their parents are well off and provided a good life but hate capitalism. they're the most boring people on the planet even ahead of

those who buy books by brian kilmeade. but it does beg the obvious question, what makes an interesting person? and is it that hard to be interesting? or you should ask who interested you first as a child? remember, it was old people, grandparents, they were magical. it was so cool to see them constantly smoking they had something that wasn't designed, wisdom mixed with whiskey, they had tails of war life and death their failures and accomplishments. this he could show you a grainy black and white photo and talk about a cousin who died at 19 about you had more experiences than most people now do in a lifetime. but what about later? you're a teen, you're young and shy. you haven't discovered my books, which are on tape. what might make you interesting without falling for or following the pronoun sheep? try reading, in books not

threads. listen to people, travel, exercise, learn skills like cooking or hunting. become good at something. it's not that hard, trust me. for example, no one has ever failed at trying to be a d.j. you just play music on a computer. and when people find out that you know how to do stuff they're interested. i once dated a girl who killed her own dinner. i found that sexy. she interduchd me to another girl who claimed she was a witch, and she tasted delicious. people who have hobbies or play sports, that stuff is interesting. i don't care if it is if it's cornhole or ca leggraphy. as long as it's not jazz. but people who do things are more interesting than people who identify things because they actually accomplish something. i find the pronoun peeps don't do anything but tell you who they are. it's why they can never afford to pay for lunch while they spent their a clowns on a hair cut that looks like an industrial accident. but an interesting person

prefers individual over groups and finds the world more interesting than how the world perceives them. meanwhile a boring person expects you to find interest in them. [laughter] >> greg: people who list their pronouns are boring, or else they wouldn't list them. they literally have nothing better to do. they see how easy it is to get attention. it's as easy as breaking a woman's weight lifting record. geez louise, what's wrong with these people? >> tyrus: this is gold here people, gold. >> greg: i know. they're like, yeah. >> tyrus: have you ever seen gold before? >> greg: i would hate to sit next to someone on a plane who goes by anything other than he and she. it's why i fly private. but choosing a new pronoun means you've mistaken momentary attention from others for genuine interest you in, and you have no other skills or charms because you stopped at xe. when people pay attention to you for that for a moment you become

special, but it's downhill from there, like marrying kat. >> kat: we're very happy. [laughter] >> greg: so it's over. time to shut down the fake pronouns. if someone demands you to adhere, tell them your pronouns are [bleep] and off. [cheers and applause] >> greg: because promoting a fake attribute, the pronoun makes gender the overriding principle in your lives who actually stop doing anything else of note. you're not only boring now you're boring frefrment at least you can put your pronouns on your grave. too bad no one will bother to visit. >> period! >> greg: let's welcome tonight's guests. if the press is a vampire, she's a wooden cross. outnumbered cohost, kayleigh mcenany! [cheers and applause] >> greg: like his family dinners, he's a one-man show. actor, writer and comedian,

jamie lissow! [cheers and applause] >> greg: when i am pesky, she gets testy, fox news contributor kat timpf! [cheers and applause] >> greg: and even his common sense is immense, my massive side wick and the nwa world heavy weight champion, tyrus! [cheers and applause] >> greg: jamie, good to see you as always. are you non-binary? >> jamie: i'm -- i don't -- i think i'm the other one. is it binary? >> greg: i guess you're binary. >> jamie: i googled all the words we were going to talk about tonight and that wasn't one of them so i don't know what it means. >> greg: did any pronouns strike your fancy. >> jamie: by the way if anyone doesn't know what you what a pronoun is, i'll give a ray random couple sentences what pronouns are. it would be like she divorced him for no reason.

he was really sad. these are random. >> tyrus: top of your head. >> jamie: they lived in the house that he bought. [laughter] >> jamie: he dodged a bullet. it's so -- i feel attacked from the monologue, too, because you know, i think you knew, i have a tattoo that says ask me about my tattoo. and so i feel really attacked. nothing is safe anymore with words, i'm surprised they haven't taken the dick out of dictionary at this point. >> greg: yeah. >> jamie: and you know me, i'm a comedian so my pronouns are he --. >> greg: that's cute. that's a joke for all the ages. >> jamie: that's what i'm going for when i'm on stage, instead of people laughing really loud i hope they all go, that's cute. >> greg: same thing when you're naked. >> jamie: yeah. >> greg: i don't even know why i said that. >> jamie: that is crazy.

>> tyrus: at this point you should. >> greg: exactly. i'm going to move on from you jamie you've depressed me. kayleigh you have two children correct? . >> kayleigh: i do. >> greg: what happens when one of them is old enough to come in, hopefully all this stuff will be gone by now, i think it's a like a momentarily delusion like a flash flood of stupidity and it will disappear. >> kayleigh: i hope so. >> greg: let's say your kids, you have two daughters. >> kayleigh: no a daughter and a son but in this day and age it's anyone's determination. >> greg: we're not sure yet what the gender of your children are, kayleigh. i'll determine later when i review the court papers. no, what do you tell them if somebody says -- >> don't commit a civil rights violation in kindergarten, that's what i tell them. in all seriousness, i went to one of the dakotas, somewhere in the midwest and a mom said my kid goes to school and every day these kids come with a different pronoun, they think it is he a joke and my kid was getting in trouble, sent to detention because they weren't

corresponding to the rise pronoun. like this is where we are as a society. i really want to know why you made me read a cnn article of neo pronouns that was the worst task of my list of things to do today. >> greg: i thought basically this ship has sailed. i really think the pronoun thing is over but i see this and i'm like what is cnn doing? i don't know. >> kayleigh: here's one thing i learned, you can choose any noun and put self at the end and it becomes a pronoun. so leaf, i'm a leaf and if you couldn't refer to me as leaf self you've committed a civil rights violation. it's buried in the article until paragraph 42. so leaf self is a pronoun. >> greg: that's why i like to have kayleigh on because she reads at the tend. i will read like maybe a paragraph and then i will yell or scream at somebody and then i'll just go to sleep. that's what i do. and one day you can be just like

me, kat >> kat: that sure is the goal. no, i read the whole thing, too. i was actually writing about some of this stuff years and years ago at national review. look, if anybody came up to me and said like any of this stuff i would just be like, k. which, you're right, could potentially devastate that person. i don't think that it's real -- i looked this up on twitter trying to find somebody who's like a real human with a name and picture of their face being like thank you cnn for talking about this. so i don't think it's really all that much of a thing but kids doing it doesn't shock me because if i were a kid and this were a thing i would have a new pronoun every single day. i would love that attention take. when i was in first grade there were boys that were really bad trouble makers so they had a chart where they got a star if they were good. and i was like i got a star behaving worse so then i can get more attention. >> greg: yes.

that's true, there was a kid in my third grade class who decided to be a cat all day. so now you can actually do that and get rewarded. >> tyrus: yeah, okay. we're just going to stop this party. this answer's no. >> greg: no? >> tyrus: [bleep] no. i don't want to know. if someone comes up to me and they can't say hi, i'm darrell. hi, my pronouns are -- the wind of me walking away from them will knock them over. like i'm not participating in your games. i've got real things going on. and kat's right. when you look for people who actually are going through this, when you find them, you understand why. they're always the same. they have the same look. it's either a faux hawk with really bad nose,hair coloring, bad tattoos that they'll regret when they grow up, and a cry for help.

your monologue was spot on. they don't participate, they can't succeed, they're not trying to succeed. so i will make myself something different so i can win in my event because i'm the unicorn leaf self, and there's only one of me. i did some research, too, kat, and everyone i found was like, one guy was like, i'm half vampire and half because my parents were a wear wolf, and a vampire so they have both their powers and when i find someone attractive my eyes itch. >> kayleigh: insanity. >> tyrus: you stay away from those people. >> greg: exactly. keep your pronouns on twitter so we can avoid you. >> tyrus: if if my kids came home and sad daddy my pronouns are this, this, and this, my pronoun will be ass whooping. i will sit in detention with you, i'll bring cake and by, okay. >> greg: all right we have to move on. up next taxpayer money's for

venues. >> kayleigh: if you are in the new york area and window like to see gutfeld, go to fox news defensivcee coordinator/gutfeld and click on the link for our mp studio audience. on the top of the pile! oh. only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪ let me be direct... you're watching football wrong! what do you call a guy in face paint that can't get the game? ...a clown! sorry, what app was it again? no, no. just give me a second... amateurs. ohhh! sorry everybody. directv sports central gives you access to every game... ...so you never have to compromise on gameday. ...was that necessary? i was just illustrating a point.

oh. get in the redzone with sports pack. call 1-800-directv if you have moderate to severe crohn's disease skyrizi is the first and only il-23 inhibitor that can deliver clinical remission and endoscopic improvement. serious allergic reactions and an increased risk of infections or a lower ability to fight them may occur. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms, had a vaccine or plan to. liver problems may occur in crohn's disease. control of crohn's means everything to me. ask your gastroenterologist about skyrizi. ♪ control is everything to me ♪ learn how abbvie could help you save. (ella) fashion moves fast. (jen) so we partner with verizon to take our operations to the next level. (marquis) with a custom private 5g network. (ella) we get more control of production, efficiencies, and greater agility. (jen) that's enterprise intelligence. (vo) it's your vision, it's your verizon.

♪ [cheers and applause] >> greg: yes! thank you. thank you. okay, now you like us. do rock stars get a pass when they take taxpayers' cash? yeah their teeth are golden crusted and this news will make you disgusted. according to a reported from insider, several big name musical acts scored millions in covid grants with no obligation to ever repay it. they reportedly received your taxpayer money through the shuttered venue operators grant, or shavog.

it was for the contractors for those like lighting. but there was nothing that said they have to spent it that way so through loop holes the rich and famous could legally use it to pay themselves. like the money i lent bill hemmer for his hernia operation and instead he got press conference implants. more than 200 million bucks was shelled out spread across singers like post malone, chris brown, even nickelback. well, in nickelback's case it was considered a gift in exchange for them not playing. post malone and chris brown received the maximum of ten million each. on the bright side, post malone spent some of it on soap. country singer lee ann rhymes spent two million. but no indication these payments broke the law and for all we know the artists could have used the cash to keep the workers afloat. because what we would do in society without the great people

who drive chris brown's dates to the er. insiders request for records under the freedom of information act was turned down citing exemptions for confidential business records. so we don't know anything about this. still it's little consolation to know that hundreds of millions of your money might have been pocketed by stars with more cash than god. you will never see that kind of money. i much prefer the good old days when the only ones pocketing our tax money were politicians. it all just makes me want to scream. or perhaps jam out to their greatest hits. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ and this is how you remind me ♪ ♪ this is how you remind me of what i really ♪ ♪ ♪ oh, and i'm into you ♪ and girl, no one else will do ♪ 'cause every kiss and every hug, you make me fall in love ♪ and now i know i can't be the only one

♪ i bet there's other hots all over the world tonight ♪ ♪ how do i ever, ever survive ♪ ♪ how do i, how do i, oh, how i do live without live without ♪ ♪ ♪ >> greg: tyrus ti have to say, jean as leann rhymes, the others were bad but that was good. >> tyrus: in some bizarre world she might want to use him. like jgene's not allowed to be n front of the camera unless he's bringing food. but good job gene. >> greg: we can't know. >> tyrus: it's whether you should or not.

if it's going to the crew that's easy because the people that work would come forward and say nope, i was taken care of. but if they say, no, we can't talk about it they probably gave them the bare minimum and pocketed the rest. unfortunately that has become the american way under this administration. if it was just the music industry that robbed us it would be fine but it wasn't that it was everybody. people who didn't even have jobs who lived in apartments literally all of a sudden had 16 businesses and each one got $200,000. like the system went out and you know that because it was a super left progressive, they made sure all their people got taken cavare, all their families, like we have learned thanks to the transparency of the previous administration we're seeing now. it sucks. nickelback should at least have the graciousness to change their name to a hundred back. clearly you get $10 million you're a long way from nickelback. >> greg: true.

what if kat you were a contractor, just saw this story and said wait a second, i did a lot of work for chris brown, i didn't see a dime. what do you do >> kat: forget that. imagine being in prison for tax fraud and seeing this story. >> greg: that's true >> kat: you're like go to prison for not paying your taxes and you're like, oh, you needed to pay nickelback? i would be -- oh, man, i would be even more pissed than you already would be because you're probably pissed if you're in prison. but the government is so mans mitt that it's this patriotic thing to pay your fair share of taxs the. there's no fair share of my money and especially when it's going towards stuff like wars and nickelback. >> greg: i think nickelback gets a bad rap. i think of the three of them i would be more pissed about chris brown but -- >> kat: yeah, not a good guy. >> greg: no, he's not at all. kayleigh, you are a lawyer so i have legal questions four. >> kayleigh: oh, all right. >> greg: so this is dated from -- i'm kidding. why can't the american public

demand that money back? >> kayleigh: yeah, they should be able to. because here's what was curious to me. they had the paycheck protection program, which was a loan to small businesses. and they said if you give this to employees, then that is forgiven because the whole purpose was the keep people employed. we want people to not lose their jobs in the middle of a global pandemic. but these weren't loans. like the daily mail says, to your point, no accountability, zero. according to the daily mail they could have used it to make their personal mortgage payments. >> greg: amazing. >> kayleigh: to pay themselves. you don't know if the sound technician got paid, this could have gone to their mortgage. little crazy to me. sounds totally unfair. >> tyrus: this sounds like child support. guys have to pay it and we never know where the money goes, we assume it's going to the kids and then all of a sudden she has new shoes and a new house for her and her boyfriend. like they should have to at least show where the money -- show us the money. >> greg: i think that's true. i feel that way about all government money.

but then again, they say how -- you can't force some welfare to show --. >> tyrus: to be accountable? >> greg: yeah, how dare you. that's bigoted. jamie i know you wish you could have qualified for a grant. >> jamie: uh-huh. i feel like people were really cramping on nickelback right now and i want you to know i enjoyed their pretty good hits album they put out. i'm going to say something. and by the way, these are arena-filling artists. where's the money for comedy club emptying artists like myself [laughter] >> greg: the money flows to the top. >> jamie: it does. i'm going to read something i swear is true i read all the way through the article. the supplemental article if you're wondering how it spent. post malone said he bought a $20 million apartment. then across the street, he bought a property for $1.7 million. i'm going to read this as a place to craft his swords and knives. >> greg: i'm going to freak out.

>> jamie: don't you think that should be on the lone to figure out if you might not need the money. like they go, where do you craft your knives and swords? does it have like its own place. you go yeah. they go, well, you don't need the money then. that's a crazy thing. >> tyrus: why didn't you do this gutfeld? kat and i could have used money during the pandemic. explain yourself. >> greg: you know what's funny. i feel like i screwed up. >> tyrus: you did. >> greg: this is how i feel when i watch the smash and grabers. i'm like why am i not doing that. >> tyrus: well, there's a lot of reason. >> greg: i know i can't carry a lot of things. >> tyrus: and you can't robe people scathing e-mails. >> greg: they used to call me greg can't carry things gutfeld. all the time when i would come home from school, because my bags and books would be on the ground because i can't carry

things. and people would throw stuff at me. you're not laughing now are you greg who can't carry things gutfeld. this went down a dark path. >> tyrus: thought it was greg baby hands sghoovld that was when i got to college because i used to collect baby hands. >> kayleigh: at least they got your pronouns right. >> greg: yeah, my pronouns were -- i should stop now. >> tyrus: you just told the world you eat baby hands, please stop. >> greg: i didn't say i eat them i said i collect them. up next, thanks to a cnn host. w♪ because it stinks. ♪have you tried downy rinse and refresh♪ it helps remove odors 3x better than detergent alone. it worked guys! ♪yeahhhh♪ downy rinse and refresh. our ears connect us to the moments that matter. give them the nutrients they need with lipo. it's formulated with ingredients clinically shown to protect your ears from dizziness, ear ringing, and even hearing loss. never miss a moment with lipo flavonoid.

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> greg: today's video of the day comes from cnn's jake dapper who admits donald trump was right when he called out

hunter's shady business dealings back in 2020. roll it. >> my son has not made money, in terms of this thing about -- what are you talking about? china? none of that is true. >> he made a fortune in ukraine and china and moscow and various other places. >> that is simply not true. >> so it's from two different debates but, i mean, trump was right. i mean, he did make a fortune from china and joe biden was wrong. i don't know that he was lying about it, he might not have been told by hunter but this blind spot is a problem. >> greg: oh! kayleigh, it's a blind spot. by the way, give him credit for admitting, but it's kind of late now, that led to an impeachment. >> kayleigh: i gave him no credit, that's all part of jake tapper's act, he says something that shocks us we write headlines and he gets to be the center of attention. when talking about this story i had to choose whether to go on a rant about jake tapper or greg

kessler the fact checker so i chose glen kessler. this guy is a fact checker in hibernation because he went into hibernation the moment donald trump exited the political scene, at least for the time being. so mostly fact checkers, here's how they work. a government official says something, myself, trump. >> whoever's in government. the adversarial press questions it and then writes a fact check. no, no, no, not sleeping glen kessler. he goes to the biden administration, writes a fact check based on the word of biden's deputy press secretary and biden's former national advisor and then he correct it six times, never issues a correction, just silently updates it and jake tapper uses it on air. this is how it works, nebulous circle, sleepy fact checker jake tapper gets the headline and we're left in the dark. >> greg: jamie i'm watching that clip and i'm like there's nobody stronger on the debate stage than trump and what he was doing to joe was so singular and so

powerful and correct. it's infuriating. >> jamie: yeah, i don't remember it being that blatantly how strong versus weak. >> greg: exactly. >> jamie: i really don't. >> greg: we were so used to trump we just assumed that this is biden's a type and trump's a type but then you look at it and you go, no, one's human and the other one's near death. >> jamie: right. one's saying something the other one's saying nothing. like, for real. and today, did you see today biden said i have no idea what anyone's talking about, i don't know anything about this, and that was before anyone even asked him a question. [laughter] >> jamie: this all fascinates me though because it's like, they said hunter was getting money from like china and then they said he was getting money from ukraine. and i was like, shouldn't joe biden just give hunter the ukraine money and cut out the middleman? we could save two wire transfer fees. >> greg: exactly, that's true. excellent point young scombrone

thank you. >> greg: kat, did you have an interesting feeling when you watched that old tape? >> kat: i had a lot of feelings watching that tape. and, honestly, for jake tapper, i will give him credit because, even though that is something that many of us realized a long time ago, and even though that was a long time ago, he still probably going to get crap from people who watch cnn for saying that. because you're not supposed to stay stuff like that because of the looming threat that trump is supposed to overpower everything and you're not ever supposed to talk about anyone on your own side and i do think that biden lied and that he knew. but also, when you watch that clip, you can understand why you might think he didn't. he's like what, what am i think -- what am i -- and the word he's searching for is china. that's not like a niche country nobody knows about. >> greg: that's funny. tyrus? >> tyrus: you know, i used to -- i don't have a problem with jake, but he's an enabling

parent whose child has done horrible things in president biden. and what he did was he admitted to what we already knew and then found a way to make it not a big deal. so, yeah, trump was right but he obviously didn't know. you didn't know? big guy didn't know? mr. control freak didn't know? you might not know now but you knew then and that's why he -- you know what i'm talking about. yeah. so when he says -- and when we go back to that remember, i kept telling you trump's punching him too hard and because it was during the pandemic and joe was like a punch drunk fighter and he's hitting them with hard jabs and american instead of going yeah, they're like oh, you shouldn't hit him like that. he got in trouble for being too aggressive because at one point'9" was like trumped looked like he was going to whoop his ass. he was so frustrated because this guy is lying how can you

not see this. this is the press they enable. like, yeah, he knew but it was a blind spot. that's like saying he has a bald spot now. biden has a hair spot >> kat: yeah, but also, if he didn't know, that's not really bombilate he was on these 20 phone calls and just absorbed no information? >> tyrus: yeah, as a parent if i didn't know my kids had a cashing tearing scandal with four different countries and i found out during a press conference it would have been very different. what did you say? hold on. we're going to have to stop this because i have some asses to beat. i would bring them on the stage, explain yourself hunter, explain yourself. he knew. >> greg: we have to move on. i'm very excited about this. coming up a bird couldn't take flight or a gator took a bite. (crashing sounds) everyone's gonna need more tide. it's a mess out there. that's why there's 85% more tide in every power pod. -see? -baby: ah.

mlb chooses t-mobile for business for 5g solutions... ...to not only enhance the fan experience, but to advance how the game is played. now's the time to see what america's largest 5g network can do for your business. i'm not one of those players that can kind of sit back and enjoy the ride. i'm always trying to find an edge, always breaking down the film, always trying to get better for the next game. oofos is one of those things that i take value in, and when i'm done with the

game, i put my oofos on. i'm making a conscious effort to recover. the quicker you can recover, the quicker you can be back out there playing 100%. oofos definitely help me recover faster.

kayaking is my thing. running is awesome. but her moderate to severe eczema would make her skin so uncomfortable. i was always so itchy especially when i was hot. now my skin doesn't itch as much.

now we're staying ahead of her eczema. there's a power inside all of us to live our passion. and dupixent works on the inside to help heal your skin from within. it helps block a key source of inflammation inside the body that can cause eczema. so, they can have clearer skin and less itch. serious allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. tell your doctor about new or worsening eye problems such as eye pain or vision changes including blurred vision, joint aches and pain, or a parasitic infection. don't change or stop asthma medicines without talking to your doctor. healing from within is a wonderful thing. ask your child's eczema specialist how dupixent can help heal their skin from within.

♪ ♪ ♪ snow ♪ ♪ ♪ >> greg: ha ha ha ha. time for greg's animal friends, your one-stop-shop for amazing creatures doing amazing things. kayleigh, you go first. i can't wait to hear your animal. >> kayleigh: i know. well, it's a little vicious so i apologize in advance. >> greg: i'm excited by this. >> kayleigh: yes. so there was this bird, bird hanging out doing his own thing going about his business until the alligator tries to eat it. but bird survives, bird doesn't usually beat alligator. but wait, here it is, bird's dead >> kat: that bird deserved it. >> greg: he had every

opportunity -- i assume it's a he i shouldn't. >> kayleigh: you can assume that. >> tyrus: his pronoun's breakfast. >> greg: you can tell he was lousy at parking. parked in the al gator's mouth. kat, you seem interested in something to your right. >> kat: look at this see this little penguin really cute, you see that, really cute. do you guys think that's cute? well, it makes me angry. >> greg: why? >> kat: this penguin is wasted on these people who don't really care. they just keep walking. imagine an adorable little penguin wants to be part of your life which its my dream, i love penguins. i've been obsessed ever since i was blessed with the experience of watching billy madison and i would do anything to have that happen and these people just don't care, they keep walking into the a business. i feel bad for that penguin. >> greg: what if that's his job maybe he's a backup penguin and

he's just there -- you know what he does, he does security from behind. i have a guy follow me >> kat: what more do you want? you have a penguin who likes you, what else are you doing. >> tyrus: i think the penguin's heckling them. if you look in the beginning he goes to his friend, watch this i'm walking like a person. he goes watch this guys, i'm a person poh, global warming, global warming [cheers and applause] [la [laughter]. >> tyrus: then he stops to look back at his friends. >> greg: yeah. in penguin world they call that doing the mitt romney. >> tyrus: would have picked him up >> kat: i would have picked him up. he could say whatever he wanted to me, the penguin. >> jamie: wow >> kat: the penguin, not mitt romney. >> tyrus: oh, boy. >> greg: jamie, is your animal story from alaska where you're from?

>> jamie: it's not from alaska but man am i excited about it >> greg: i hope. >> jamie: a short video you may be able to see more than once. there's an eagle that comes and grabs a goose but, wait, this woman, who i think we can all agree was very busy at the time that this happened, runs out and saves the goose's life. and my first thought was like, i'm not trying to judge but i feel like that goose may have had a better life if she let it be taken away by the eagle. and the other thing i was thinking was that eagle hawk or eagle really went through a lot to see that woman's boobs. much because that was the third time he did it, and he kept bringing more hawk friends. >> greg: it was another penguin situation. >> jamie: yeah, like watch this. >> greg: hey, watch this, i'm going to mess with this woman's -- what was it a goose? >> jamie: no, it was a woman nursing a baby. [laughter] >> greg: you know my eyesight's bad i would believe you.

i can't see what's going on right now. >> jamie: it was a goose. >> greg: well, we learned nothing there. tyrus, animals. >> tyrus: so it's breeding season at my house so all my fish tanks are full of hundreds of little babies and now i have to figure out what i'm going to do with all the little bastards but i breed them and every summer there's an explosion of fries the bombs guarding their babies and stuff and that's actually my hybrid, seven blood, seven different strands in there so pretty excited about this batch coming out, the dad is mean mugging me. fish are diehard parents, watching me like a hawk like you're not getting my babies. cool times, my stuff and this is what keeps me from killing people greg. >> greg: do they accompany the children to school? >> tyrus: they home school greg, just like me. >> greg: well, that was heart

warming. you know what? let's go to the next segment shall we? >> jamie: oh, yeah. >> tyrus: can we end it with the peg win making fun of people again? >> greg: i don't know. can we? all right, no, we have to move on. up next a music sight meant for a tween says it's time to censor queens. push [cheers and applause] [cheers an] ♪ if it hurts when you poop sometimes like pinching off ♪ ♪ a porcupine and you're sweatin' your ♪ ♪ next trip to the loo ♪ ♪ colace is the brand you need ♪ ♪ to soften stools we're all agreed ♪ ♪ #2 should be easy to do ♪ trust colace to soften stools, with no stimulants, for comfortable relief.

here's why you should switch fro to duckduckgo on all your device duckduckgo comes with a built in engine like google, but it's pri and doesn't spy on your searches and duckduckgo lets you browse like chrome, but it blocks cooki and creepy ads that follow you a from google and other companies. and there's no catch. it's free. we make money from ads, but they don't follow you around showing the millions of people taking back their privacy by downloading duckduckgo on (inspirational music)y.

- [narrator] wounded warrior project helps post-9/11 veterans realize what's possible. with generous community support. - aaron, how you doing buddy? - [narrator] we bring warriors together and empower them to become stronger inside and out. - it's possible to begin healing - to get the help you need. - to find peace. - [narrator] and as each warrior's needs evolve, so do we. because these last 20 years are just the beginning.

♪ >> a story in five words ♪ [cheers and applause] >> greg: a story in five words: fat bottom girls lose weight. jamie, queens iconic 1978 song fat bottom girls is not, not i say, included on their greatest hits album that appears on an audio platform yoto. yoto i believe is for tweens, and i don't know what a tween is. but i think you have three children, don't you? would you be okay with your children listening to such a song like fat bottomed girls? >> jamie: yeah, i would and also in bohemian rhapsody they kill somebody in the beginning, i feel it's as safe as that. >> greg: yeah he says i killed a man, put a gun against his head. >> jamie: we're like we know you said it at the beginning.

>> greg: did they arrest freddie mercury. >> jamie: i don't think so and that was a confession. >> greg: total confession. >> jamie: i did a lot of research on this. i want everybody to know about this, i went to fat bottom girls.com, and it is not affiliated with the queen band. >> gross. >> jamie: you know what greg i've never been with a fat bottomed girl. i've been with a fat everywhere girl but i've never been --. >> tyrus: i majored in it in college. >> greg: i minored in it. i had a little helmet and everything. [laughter] >> greg: that was the --. >> tyrus: just one time we would like to have you on and not shake your head. >> kayleigh: every single time. every time. >> greg: i feel so good. all right. did you just roll your eyes at me? >> kat: if i did so, i didn't even notice i did it. >> greg: you know, kayleigh, what's interesting, heterosexual

like freddie mercury would make such a song. >> kayleigh: i never heard this song, apparently it's racey. >> greg: you never heard fat bottom girls. >> kayleigh: no, but my daughter loves freddie mercury because she loves we will rock you, but thank you for not putting it on yoto because i don't want her coming across fat bottom girls. >> greg: kat >> kat: two things, why, oto did this so people would know what yoto is. and of course kids can't know about butts? all kids talk about is butts. >> greg: butts are the funniest thing >> kat: they talk about butts morning rappers talk about butts. >> greg: they make funny noises >> kat: i don't know the fat bottom girls make the rocking world go round but they're definitely a major part of the miami economy. >> greg: she has a point there tyrus. >> tyrus: listen, i'm in order

mad at them. i think parents have the right to make a choice, i hate when parents make choices for me. they pick a song, don't listen to the words. because pretty much every song from the 70s is inproechlt you listen to any song from the 70s, there's a lot worse than appreciate someone who has a little sglufrng the sflooufrng half of rock songs are about girls that are 15. >> tyrus: under age. rambling man check it out. so whenever they try to put things on and you're right about the whole murs rus thing, another one bites the dust so he was a serial killer. >> kayleigh: doesn't shrek have that song i like big butts and i cannot lie. >> tyrus: if shrek doesn't have it i'm going to write it. no sir mix a lot i. >> greg: it was in the band. >> kayleigh: i worked for the show it wasn't. >> tyrus: you didn't play it on acoustic guitar. >> jamie: isn't that body positive? you make the rocking world go on. i feel like that would be anthem. >> tyrus: someone would say that

means their butt has gravitational pull and hurt their feelings. >> greg: i think it's time to move on. we crushed this show, huh? good monday. we'll be right back.

let me be direct... you're watching football wrong! what do you call a guy in face paint that can't get the game? ...a clown! sorry, what app was it again? no, no. just give me a second... amateurs. ohhh! sorry everybody. directv sports central gives you access to every game... ...so you never have to compromise on gameday. ...was that necessary? i was just illustrating a point. oh. get in the redzone with sports pack. call 1-800-directv when nature and science get together... pretty sweet things can happen. like our senokot laxative gummies. to relieve occasional constipation, senokot starts with the natural senna plant that science transforms into a yummy gummy!

sweet! senokot laxative gummies.

- [female narrator] they line up by the thousands. each one with a story that breaks your heart. like ravette... every step, brought her pain. their only hope: mercy ships. the largest floating civilian hospital in the world. bringing free surgeries to people who have no other hope. $19 a month will help provide urgently needed surgery for so many still suffering. so don't wait, call the number on your screen. or donate at mercyships.org. (ella) fashion moves fast. setting trends is our business. we need to scale with customer demand... ...in real time. (jen) so we partner with verizon to take our operations to the next level. (marquis) with a custom private 5g network. (ella) with verizon business, we get more control of production, efficiencies, and greater agility. (marquis) so our customers get what they want, when they want it. (jen) it's not just a network. it's enterprise intelligence.

(vo) learn more. it's your vision, it's your verizon. i'm adding downy unstopables to my wash. now i'll be smelling fresh all day long. (sniff) still fresh. still fresh! mmm, still fresh! get 6x longer-lasting freshness, plus odor protection with downy unstopables. >> greg: yes, all right. before we go, i want to let you know that the new public image album is out. it is john neel i from the sex

pistols. and it really is amazing. i would encourage you to download it or get it wherever other things are sold. all right. kailee, thank you. cap, tyrus, our studio audience. "fox news @ night" with trace gallagher is next. rob greg -- i'm greg gutfeld. i love you, america. >> trace: i am trace gallagher. it is in accord here in los angeles and this is america's late news, "fox news @ night." and breaking tonight, both southern california and southern nevada got hammered by hillary. we will show you the floods and the roads that could be closed for a well. a new school year brings new legal battles coast to coast. it is about keeping secrets from parents about their child's sexuality. we begin with who is in, who is out and what is at stake, the

rs