shows wednesday and thursday night go to hannity .com tickets are free set your dvr so you never miss an episode. have a great weekend. let not your heart be troubled. have a great weekend. >> happy friday everybody. sit down. it's friday and you know what that means. let's welcome tonight's guest her favorite hobby is calling andrew cuomo laughing and

hanging up. ms. meteorologist janice dean. his raisers are very popular comedian and founder of western razor company david angelo. there is no i in team that she puts the three of them and irritating and finally he considers a side of beef new york times best-selling author. [indiscernible] [applause] >> i drank too much coffee my tongue is sticky. >> thanks for sharing. >> let's do this. >> leftovers.

i read the jokes we did not use annis my first time reading them so if they suck we will throw joe mackie to the wolves and turn his entrails into christmas ornaments. rejecting claims the white house staff treats joe biden like a baby. she says he is reading at a third-grade level. and can walk several steps without falling down. when asked about a stain on her shirt she said joe spit up on her while burping him and on a related note kamala harris may have to take over as president and is ready to do so and by take over she means smother joe with a pillow at naptime. she looks like the worst real estate agent a study shows

opposite sex couples have less in common and other scientists note homosexual couples have more in common like genitals. they could explain a lot. in a recent interview a trans sorority gal named artemis langford discussed a legal wind that allows her to stay at an all female sorority it alleged langford had at her gone feminization procedures like hormones or getting surgery or making sandwiches. that didn't work. >> i thought it was hilarious. >> she looks like she could make a sandwich. anyway the judge dismissed the case adding sorority sisters cannot discuss who left the toilet seat up.langford is

glad she has found a place in the house and as first string defensive end on the football team and a new poll half of registered voters say any republican would be better than president biden. prompting one woman to legally change her name to ne republican. the view, whoopi goldberg has contracted covid for 1/3 time proving one more time with the virus does not cause loss of appetite. a bear broke into a florida family screen porch and drank three white claws the first one was too cold and the second one was too warm but the third one. [applause]

>> that joke was for the kids. now go to bed. an ice cream parlor for dogs opened in virginia millions of residents say it's nice to see dogs licking something besides their balls. the most popular flavors chocolate vanilla and -- the worst college in america for free speech harvard the best the university of go --yourself. and a woman complained her boyfriend slept with his dying female friend as her final wish the boyfriend promised the since his friend died he probably won't have sex with her again.he said probably. still he should not have bragged at the funeral by telling his rose, been there,

done that. by the way dying women are most of my conquests after sex with me they know it cannot be topped and see no point in living. >> well. >> i am done. kill yourself. i am finished. buckle up. >> a gay hookup acalled grinder i have never heard of this is reporting they lost half of their employees following a return to office mandates showing up in person was a real pain in the -- researchers

believe artificial intelligence may allow us to speak to other species and will allow us to talk to inanimate objects. a new study suggests can reduce sperm counts and lead to a decrease in testicle size the exact same side effects men experience during the view. 23 people were hurt when an suv crashed into a denny's in texas that would have caused more damage but it was stopped dead in its tracks by a sticky table. >> that's the problem. syrup. it's the worst thing ever. >> i'm going to get out on a limb here. >> i love their sticky buns.

but enough about the waitresses. a delta air lines flight was forced to turn back after a passenger suffered a case of catastrophic diarrhea many passengers thought they were flying spirit air because the smell so bad and fanta is releasing a hallowing mystery flavor that turns your tongue black. one set of all the body parts that could turn black, they chose the tongue. i don't understand that joke. >> i do. >> so is ? crying or rolling stone line?they posted a massive stupidity 3700 word piece on the tonight show host

jimmy fallon they claim behind-the-scenes the tonight show is a toxic work environment apparently he is a huge chair at the office. but working with janice dean we can relate. you should have seen what she did to those kids at the make a wish jen there. drawing tropical storm fronts on the back of their bald heads. anyway several anonymous staffers say he is passive aggressive with a suspected drinking problem is the same thing they said about the ellen show but she was drinking human blood. one worker blame their declining mental and physical health suffering from weekend nail beds otherwise known as jesse water syndrome.

and we learn the guest dressing rooms became known as crying rooms where staffers would go when they were upset. we have them here but my staff is too lazy to wait in line. and it's stoop is technically any room can be a crying room i made a nun cry in a laundromat i told her she had a nasty habit. but really jimmy fallon he makes mr. rogers look like a serial killer. but being the frightened helpless goober he is he apologized dude. you have to stop with the apologizing especially to people who snitch. i'm serious.

they're trying to get you fired and you apologize. do what i do to backstabbing employees and get them jobs at coal because in three weeks they kill themselves i wonder sometimes what i am doing wrong why is that my staff complaining to rolling stone everyone else around here gets a bad reputation except for me. dana offer that time she punched a cop and shannon whenever she makes her head spin around like the exorcist. i was just informed a couple of anonymous staffers have been complaining. >> when i started working here i weigh 200 pounds now i have to wear hair extensions because if i didn't i would not have enough hair to pull out.

greg was like don't talk to the rolling stone. i don't know what that is. i'm not 70 like you greg. >> the endless. [bleep] jokes is the first thing he goes to its his number two. he's got me doing it now. are you sure he's not going to know it's me? >> i have to go to my cohost because they work with me. he is a competitor but he is a good person i think everybody knows he is a good person this is not a question but rolling stone has no right to do a report on anybody after the lacrosse piece he is at the top of his game they are trying to

get him out anyway that's my opinion. >> you can take his name out and put my name in there, anybody. he has his own he is the ceo of his own private shaving company he's his own boss and his own employee. and the rest of us have to work for a living. that was my john rickles. but there is no story. it's entertainment.this is not a promised job you are one of the bag joke away from being gone. the coolest thing to be now is a victim on tv if they come forward they are a hero for a day maybe if they get enough bs they will get a book deal that's what it is.

they are getting their kicks. not sorry. and they want to blame somebody and he has a big paycheck so instead of being an adult about it. we're going to let you go. now let's ruin him let's make them force their hands. this is a hit piece and no one had the courage because we have enough you can make fake allegations and no one cares there is no consequence of the fact they are saying they are afraid of backlash if it's so horrible to come to work which you want to stop it you would be a hero for the day to and the terrain of a guy who looks like he giggles when he yells. i don't know him but he looks like a nice guy but if he expects excellence at work is

not going to be polite. >> he got a lot for not being political enough. now it's a lesson. when you apologize you cannot stop and entertainment they do not accept apologies they want you to grovel. what's it like working with someone like me who is basically the opposite? [laughter] >> that is the thing you are mean to me on camera. >> that is so true. >> that's true. i called you a name last night and they did not edited out. >> you did call me on camera but it is interesting maybe you

can't control yourself but it could be a strategy nobody would want to do an expose because he is like mr. happy fun time guy he laughs through all the sketches he is so jolly he can't help himself he set it up with him being in a bad mood is unfathomable so this articles like he was in a bad mood. >> and is toxic. >> is work. if they didn't pay you to go there you wouldn't go. it's work it's not supposed to be whatever you like to drink on a beach >> he makes me work shut up.

>> a friend of a friend told me someone set up a meeting with their boss to tell their boss their boss has been gas lighting them. you don't do that. >> the next day are you going to bring your parents? >> people have done that. i will love to see you have a staff because you would be the weirdest boss ever. >> well. i worked for him. >> fallon. >> i thought you worked for the daily show. >> my first job at tv. >> i met him once or twice always awesome give us some dirt. >> he speaks to the research team at the show. [laughter]

>> close to that big story who is the guest today and i got fired by the way. >> this is how bad it is rolling stone did not even contact me. when i saw the article it was devastating to me. >> i was there over 10 years ago. it was the beginning of when he was starting late night. he was fun all the time i did not have any bad interactions. i did get fired. >> i think you got fired for being you. >> looking back sure. >> i can see you not being that about being let go. >> it was a high-pressure job.

>> it was interesting high-pressure notice under more pressure than him i was really young it was my first job in television and it was a lot of work they were demanding a lot of jokes all the time but god forbid >> you got me in the show business and i saw paul mccartney and all of these people it's a good opportunity and you make a lot of money and you can complain about certain things but i didn't quit. this is a good check. it's hard to be too critical even after i got fired he got nominated for an enemy they brought me and pay for my hotel and they did nice stuff for me so i don't have a whole were story. >> so he never touched you.

janice. last word.box has reputations for >> i have been here 20 years and i would not be here if i do not work with great people the last job i had was a horror story.that guy would bring a loaded gun to work every day and he would take the bullets out and name them after us. >> don't give them any ideas. >> we don't have to worry about that. >> this is nothing. this is a great place to neck you have to remember the context. matt lauer had a woman in a dungeon. >>. [laughter] >> we have to move on.

i could talk about this all hour. of next can voters trust women to duckduckgo on all your devie

duckduckgo comes with a built-in search eg but it doesn't spy on your seac and our browser blocks creepy ads that follow you around fro and other companies. and it's free. download duckduk 83-year-old nancy pelosi, currently alive, posted today she will run for reelection in 2024. but she said ? needs to advance their city value and further recovery so an 83-year-old running again but if she had people like feinstein,

fetterman, biden and mcconnell are what we have running the country together they can pull together one working brain so the republicans should go bolder nominate the leaders that we love who are dead. ronald reagan. george hw. abe lincoln. why not? what's the difference tween them on the current slate of politicians we've got. they may be dead within her great the others aren't dead and they suck.all right. what is your take on this is it just because americans don't know who she is that they can keep running forever? >> i don't understand i don't even know all of these elderly brain-damaged people they are

just puppets for these backroom shadow government people. but i will say nancy pelosi she might be the best option out of california. she is considered right wing out there. she is like the ron paul of california >> there is nothing there anymore when asked if you want her to spend more time around the house paul said i need that like i need a hole in the head. >> no. >> i am just quoting the news. >> this might not be true but whoever wrote this i gave this to me we are meeting afterwards. don't you think that why not?

what's the point we are electing dead people. >> it doesn't matter these elderly people need to ride off into the sunset. she has lots of money tons of money a freezer full of expensive ice cream she likes to get her hair done just have a nice rest of your life and why do you want to go back into that? >> they should replace the department of education with the department of visiting angels. visiting angels. >> america's choice for home care. >> there almost as popular as the people who put the new bathtubs over your old disgusting one. i think you should do that with your relatives. i don't know.

why is anybody pulling them aside and say go to bed. >> what she is doing makes sense it's very fifth-year senior vibes because she was the speaker but now she was to do another year where the classes are easier. she gets to keep hanging out and hanging onto what sheena has and maybe she will be giving everyone advice. you are still here what are you doing here as she has the money so why not? >> she has the money. >> you can't insider trade if you are on the outside. >> that is true. >> you know when they do those little quotes on twitter which is now x you can't get inside trading on the outside.

it should say gutfeld show host. >> he is going to go along in the tooth. >> what do we do? >> i don't know. >> listen janice i support you but how dare you. you know they can't ride nothing the scooter. that's it. and maybe we are looking at this wrong. maybe these are cool superpowers like president biden talks to dead people. mitch mcconnell goes to the matrix. and nancy turns into wall

street. it's sad because they're all going to die on the job but they still hope for three months. we just haven't seen it. he was on his deathbed and still got the thumbs up. i thought he was a great american hero but it's too long. >> i have heard that before. >> when he is passionate that stuff was maybe five minutes. >> i am covering for you. >> i am talking about lawrence of arabia. i love long movies.i prefer them uncut. good uncut film all right. next the thing could be better

than reading a fan letter. >>

>> you are watching mailing it in. >> will come to mailing it in. i think it's pearls. it is. all right. i'm going to go to you janet. >> her name is not janet. >> janice. >> looks like the forecast is a stroke. >>. [laughter] >> is not the worst thing i have been called. >> this is a great question as a kid is you have a favorite food or snack that you only ate

at home because you were embarrassed is there a secret food he would go into your room and shove it down your throat? >> i like salt and vinegar chips but sometimes my mom would not get it so i would take regular chips and poor vinegar and let it sit and i would eat it. >> you have an interesting diet. you don't eat. [laughter] >> hey guys how are you doing? >> are you embarrassed by any food? >> i'm curious who asked this question because what were you eating? out of all the questions you could ask is there anything you could eat that is really embarrassing i used to eat peanut butter or peanuts because i almost killed my

brother with it. >> slipped some peanuts and has pillowcases. stu m >> something you either you were embarrassed of? >> i grew up wealthy so i would snack on a chicken cordon bleu. i did not want the kids in the park to see me stream it can i just say this? david in the green room was eating a bag of chips with a fork. >> i thought that's not a bad idea part of the stuff i had fried chicken you feel psychologically difference the barbecue powder makes you feel bad >> is it a germ thing for you?

>> i'm not going to lick my fingers on the streets of new york. >> especially after giving that homeless guy >> i have to think about my hygiene. >> i will get the next one. >> i used to eat, this is going to age me i bet you don't remember this diet food i had three older sisters used to buy the. [indiscernible] think about a candy called aids. >> my sister would keep them under her bed because she couldn't figure out why they were disappearing i would go in and i was just eat all of her

aides diet candy. >> mom greg ate my aids again. >> i tried to eat fancy and my mom would get minced jelly so i would make minced jelly peanut butter sandwiches because it was fancy i wanted to know what it was like it was disgusting but knowing i was getting away with it because it only works with lamb big giant jar minced jelly sandwich every bite is worse than the first but i could not leave the evidence mature breath smelled great for a while. >> anyway. that was exciting. >> so i was the first guy to get aids in the box.

somebody in the audience has to google aides diet candy and see if it still exists. they can't turn on their phone. soon xo used to get aids under your sister's bed. >> yeah it was spell a yds >> they were truly chocolates. >> they did not help. >> the aftertaste was rough. >> i don't know what you are saying men in getting their kicks se >> la>>

>> a story in five words. >> five words ai hookers

challenging on instagram. explicit ads for dirty talking ai chat bots are flooding social media when the real sex workers are being banned, is this fair to the real sex workers? >> honestly i believe sex workers should be decriminalized if this is what you want to do this should be legal just try not to think about the person behind it. they are not going to look like that. >> it's going to look like >> or role. >> whatever engineer did is probably not a girl. >> a 400 pound fat man. it's obviously not a first. you know i am not going to you

for any other reason but the great thing about this if these are hookers they can do away with the pimp >> thing you just end up with a ai divorce. this is a bad idea you're creating an algorithm you won't be able to get away from every time you get online there will be a hooker showing up and after a while she will ask questions. every time you get online where have you been. this is a bad idea. you will get the trenchcoat and the hat on the sunglasses get blackmailed the old-fashioned way and murder her and watch enough forensic files that you have it exit strategy we don't

condone murder but you need to have an exit strategy. soon if this is terrible this is bad and this is finding your kids and your friends are ai hookers >> it does sound like a good movie janice real women will have less of the market share because men will prefer fake women over real women >> our kids are not going out meeting chicks in bars as part of growing up and now they are in their basement with an ai sex worker never needing to see the light of day. >> you know what's a good idea? ai children. it's true that no matter how hot something is if it's fake

it's not titillating. when you lab grown meat it doesn't taste the same. >> should this be the last thing to go of all of the things you could ai first the human basic is kind of weird people would rather have sex with c-3 po. >> let's be honest. girth. but we are de-evolution icing we are reducing natural selection we are no longer appropriating you stop actually communicating with human life and i love it. call me c-3 po you and me in a toaster. a threesome. no hot tub. of the next hour final debauchery when no one is

watchinggl. >>

>> nobody's watching because it

is late on a friday night we are going to chat about art that are producer jean created. we were having trouble getting these pictures of this big trans canadian teacher a lot of newspapers would not sell it to us so i asked our producer to draw his own renderings. here they are. there he is. what is this jude's name? this was him walking to school look how beautiful that is. >> here he is driving to work. i thought what a waste. this is good art and >> you could work at a courtroom. >> also why don't we auction

the soft. and if i say it's for a charity janet i'm going to go for a charity for a woman named janice. >> or a stroke charity. >> if you say charity fox news gets possessed off >> how about of the charity is jean? >> is not well paid >> i don't know if he could make a children's book. >> that's a great idea. >> the giant breasted teacher in shop class. >> there's a lot of rhymes. >> look at the signature. >> so you know what i don't know if you can contact us on twitter or x and the highest

price i will mail these to you and we will give all the money to jean. [applause] jobs go away. we will be right back. >>

♪ >> greg: we're out at time thank you david apping low, kat timpf, tyrus, fox news with dreamy trace gallagher is next. i'm greg gutfeld and i love you america ♪ . >> trace: good evening i'm trace gallagher it's 11:00 p.m. on the east coast 8:00 here in los angeles and this is america's late news, fox news at night. breaking tonight, the feud over the migrant crisis now heating up with the texas governor threatening to send even more buses to sanctuary cities if the biden administration goes ahead with a plan to keep migrants in the lone star state. our resident border expert bill melugin is live with the latest on the back and forth. bill, good evening. >> reporter: trace, good evening to you. we can forget about the trump era remain in mexico policy because the biden administration is reportedly considering