that is it. >> we have to hide the nike. >> sean: that is all the time we have left. tomorrow night, live studio audience. tickets are free set your dvr and never miss an episode. greg gutfeld will put a smile on your face. have a great night. >> good evening, you capitalist pigs. there was a time when i love my audience. most of you were paper trained and could take a punch. it is like a circus except the bearded ladies are at swim

meets. but then i picked up a copy of "forbes" magazine while i was in the waiting room. they once loved their audience, to bang. the magazine used to be focused on helping readers achieve better lives for themselves and their families. they were bought by a fund from china's wealth funds. thanks to forbes, i understand wealth is evil. just like their readers. this from the magazine founded by malcolm forbes. capitalism is evil, which means america is evil, which means all of you are evil. forbes has your number, terrible people. let's look at recent headlines. wake up, be woke, and lead the

change. overcoming opposition. emelia taught me that my resistance to going woke is due to my fear of change and losing power and privilege and my bias and my prejudice. what a relief. i thought it was because i was allergic to [bleep]. sounds like when i talk to cat on a phone through prism plexiglass. transparent communication means sit quietly while i scream at you. here is another gem from forbes. the right wants to strip gaze of their hard-won human rights.

raikes is so right. i didn't know that you jerks want gaze not to vote. have you no shame? i want voting to be more friendly, like having booths with glory holes. if you think i make too many juvenile jokes, may i remind you, i have several men on my staff. [laughter] now comes the latest piece in forbes to hate on evil capitalists. he details studies that link getting rich with unethical behavior, including the lax attitude towards rules, skewed ethical compass, inconsideration and overemphasis on winning. sounds like my old match.com

profile. in other words, affluent people are the worst. when you are use to be an icon of wealth on the engine that kept them afloat. i haven't seen that since playboy featured rosie o'donnell. wall street favors dems over republicans. what if they overwhelm the schools? their kids go private. your daughter lost a bike race to a man, by her a faster ferrari. what in the name of adam smith is going on here. there are some serious self hating going on. i haven't seen anyone beat on themselves this hard since carlos danger. while they try to cloak it in

calls for equity and diversity, nothing wiles of progressives like american success. nowhere else will self-reliance and hard work be reliably rewarded. where else can an immigrant become the richest man in the world with nothing more than his brain and a hair transplant? will success happen every time? of course not. sometimes you will get rewarded even though you are nothing but a drain on society. not everyone can have a hit book, a hit show, and be at the same time. >> not her. not him, either. who is this cameraman? >> my cousin.

>> for all of their whiny virtues signaling, the system is not only why people here can achieve so much success, it is why america continues to lead the world even when our current leader goes astray and it is why someone is willing to pay them to write these stupid cliches. here is the great news for forbes. u.s. household incomes fell for the third straight year. thanks to the high cost of housing and economic downturns, more and more baby boomers are becoming homeless. whose basements will their kids live in? forbes will get its way and the rich won't be able to do bad things because they will not insist and we will all be poor but really good people because the poor are angels. if forbes gets his way, we will be taking financial advice from these folks. america is not known as the land

of precisely equal outcomes. we are the land of opportunity and you have to work for it, you have to earn it. there are so many that still can and still do. i started out as a wisecracking columnist for a small magazine and now i own ten slaughterhouses. it is why there is not a line waiting to get into uruguay. except from their neighbors. i guess i love you all again because you have earned your success, despite what forbes believes, despite whatever level of the american dream you have achieved, you are entitled to enjoy it, starting with tonight's show. >> let's welcome tonight's guests. comedian joe derosa.

his name rhymes with colombo. brad palombo. her arms can be used as flyswatter's. kat timpf. police found 100 escaped convicts hiding in his shoes. joe, how are you? >> great. >> you look fantastic. >> i earned this. >> he is a small business owner. you run a sandwich shop downtown, joe's subs. >> i have never been there, don't plan to go. >> i don't go often myself.

>> do you enjoy ruining the lives of so many people with your capitalist values? >> absolutely. i paid a ton of dues and i have nothing. i have earned every bit of it. i mentioned the land of opportunity and we have done just enough to get by and that is what i have done. i have done what i feel like doing with a chip on my shoulder for the last 20 years and it has been good enough to pay rent in new york city. >> you never change. >> i know. >> go there while it is still open.

what does it say when forbes is complaining about capitalism? >> for a long time we thought the woke stuff would stay on college campuses but we are seeing it leave and go with them into their jobs in corporate america and i can tell you i am on youtube and tick tock and i see this eat the rich mentality all the time. they don't realize how blind they are to the successes of capitalism they are. they get amazon packages delivered the same day they are liking tweets calling for jeff bezos to be sent to the guillotine. they don't realize under capitalism people get stupid rich. they do it by meeting other people's needs. only about 2% of the wealth the innovators create goes in their bank accounts. people should be lauding jeff bezos as of the world, not ditching and moaning about them.

>> you made about 2% off your sandwich shop. >> that is very generous of you. >> there are good rich people, good poor people, there are bad for people. the problem with this mentality is the human condition is not reflected by a group of assumptions but individual qualities and in the woke world always see or are supposed to see our groups. >> there were several paragraphs devoted to how richmond sheet in relationships. he lets me know they never dated a woke die. they cheat, to bang. they have a lot more time on their hands. you will be at work and they will be at work, to.

i don't know. it is easier to demonize than it is to acknowledge that maybe you didn't get what she wanted to get out of life, which people do all the time. when it comes to a lot of things and money is no different. >> i have never been mugged by a rich person but i have never been swindled by a poor person. why do we have to talk like these are different people? >> when rich guys cheat, it is called outsourcing. and when women do it it is called our faults. it all works out. this is virtues signaling at the highest point. she is sitting on her perch from her office, sipping her tea, going you don't want this, this is such a burden. be thankful you are in the squalor. it is better there.

i wish i could be there with you but i have to stay here. eliminate the competition, set the bar low. white people, you are racist. stick to your plantations and your old school money and your privilege and we will take it from here. you set that mob mentality where everyone is at their throats and you are sitting back in the luxury of your first world apartment narrating for us. you are not morgan freeman. you are a hypocrite. when something happens to them, then it is an individual sport. if he wasn't illegal alien, we would have to do something about the border. if he was white, no more cowboy hats. all of a sudden it is an individual sport. she is an equity higher, so nobody is going to challenge her

because if they do, racist, or sexist, or whatever. >> just add race to every story. >> it is very interesting, like the classic religious hustle. >> stay poor, stay wanting, stay meeting. it is righteous. >> look away as i sipped from a golden chalice. >> by the way, your sandwiches are delicious. >> that peanut butter and jelly, phenomenal. >> up next, something nefarious at the cia.

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>> from jfk to the covid crimes, has the cia been lying all this time? an anonymous whistle-blower is alleging the intel agency paid covid investigators money to change their view of the virus

origins. that's great. i already killed 800 endangered pangolin's. on the bright side, you can order a pangolin sandwich at joe's deli. >> that is pretty mean. >> the whistle-blower claims incentives caused him to change incentives to saying the origin and was unable to be determined. unable to be determined. it is like the source of white house cocaine or joe mackey's gender. we are finally realizing the magic bullet theory behind jfk's assassination has more holes in it than hunter biden's septum. the theory that he was killed by one bullet by one man. they are telling

"the new york times" he is starting to doubt himself and wondered if there really was one shooter after all. if the bullet we know. the central thesis of the war report, the single bullet theory is wrong and would open the door to multiple shooters, or the obvious conclusion, there was someone else there at the grassy knoll. how did that picture get up there? i did not put up there. please don't kill me. i am skeptical of an anonymous whistle-blower. let's say it is not a bribe, let's say it is a bonus or incentive. that makes sense to me. >> it makes sense to me. i find myself jealous of the federal government.

when i want to pay someone to lie to me, i have to make an appointment with my therapist and that is not cheap. i don't think they want us to have answers. >> they have incentives to put narratives out there that are

different from the truth. with this whistle-blower, i don't know if it is true, but if it is true, it is frustrating because the cia does not have money. it is our money. that would mean the cia is paying people our money to lie to us. >> what i find interesting is how the media amplifies these stories. that leads me to believe it is not just the cia, but it is the media. >> some of it, you have to put on us. journalism is truly dead. magic bullet, he found the one that missed. oswald was a good shot.

>> i will tell you why i am so curious. i am not a vaccine, i was not against the vaccine. the truth about covid is so da dark. there is no movie about it. every crisis, especially that has conspiracies connected to it. there is a movie about it immediately. they made movies about trump and clinton when they were still in office.

they made 22 movies about jfk in one of them is four hours long. i can't ge get a miniseries abot covid? >> it will be a glowing documentary. >> that was probably the greatest thing you have ever said on the show. >> he read from books that are sleazy to make democrats queasy.

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>> our video of the day comes from john kennedy, who read explicit excerpts from two books geared towards teenagers. one is genderqueer and all boys aren't blue. he did it during a hearing about book bands. children, gather around and tell them uncle gutfeld is on. >> i began to slide into him from behind. i pulled out of him and kissed him while he -. he asked me to turn over while he slipped a on himself. i was struggling to imagine someone inside of me.

>> how did they get that voice mail you left me last night? >> he got on top and inserted himself into me. it was the worst pain i think i have ever felt in my life. eventually, i felt a mix of pleasure with pain. >> i don't know about you, but i am turned on. it doesn't help that he looks like grandma clampett. that is for kids and people are upset he read that in congress but they are not upset that is being given to children. you don't have to be a prude to find that disgusting.

what we are going to have to do is compromise and say the book can be in the library but only an audiobook read by him. it is even better than banning it. no one is checking that out. >> are you going to defend that book? >> first of all, the book is a memoir. when i was a kid, they made us read a book that was written by anonymous and it was about a woman getting hooked on heroin and other drugs, herself and they are leaving out a story that this is a guys memoir and kids, what age? this is for 15, 16, 17-year-old kids.

i am asking. >> let's take the out of it. let's make it talking about them having together. still, it is inappropriate. that is for mom and dad, not for school. here is the deal. being or straight, is the byproduct of it. the feelings come of the emotions, the love, respecting each other, those are the lessons you want to teach. when you get into talking about, you don't know the maturity level. my 9-year-old is more mature than my 13-year-old. it is a slippery slope. don't laugh. that is not the call for the schools. that is a book, once you talk about in and out of things, you

couldn't put that in the school. they are going to have questions in the worst thing you are to have happen is i want to try this out. >> i am the only gay person here. i find it offensive that progressives are defending stuff like this in the name of gay rights. most gay people don't think it is appropriate to have sexually explicit content in middle school. not even high school. these books are not being bann banned. let's leave the sexually explicit content out of school libraries and if parents or kids want to read it, maybe that is all right for your kid,

but it doesn't need to be in school. gay people are maligned unfairly for decades. susan, with pronouns in her bio, pushing this, saying gay rights, you are not helping, stop helping. >> in the trans arena, it is not trans people, it is usually activists. >> i don't disagree with what you are saying. my biggest gripe with all of this is it is parents on either side of the file, they want to

be helicopter parents while giving their kids complete autonomy and having everybody do the heavy lifting. you don't want to raise your kids, you just want to have your kids. you don't send it off to a professional at an institution for it to be serviced and kept up with. you need to raise it. parents should be having final say in what their kids are able to handle or what they are not. some kids were able to watch r-rated movies and some are not. >> but they are not in school. >> i get that. i agree. >> the act, if my daughter is reading a book about what it is like to have and they do the same thing, i am snatching that book away. that is a conversation for us and i don't want my kids to think showing love and being is about. >> we can all agree, i look

great tonight. thank you. i do look better in person. coming up, jesse rears his ugly head to revive his reputation from the dead. hey, i just got a text from my sister. you remember rick, her neighbor? sure, he's the 76-year-old guy who still runs marathons, right? sadly, not anymore. wow. so sudden.

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>> yeah. the world's worst liar refuses to retire. disgrace. >> jussie smollett was back in court this week appealing his conviction for faking a hate crimehe. 2019. he lied to the cops, the courts and the american people, and he near started a race war. yet people at the capitol on january six are getting decades in jail. why this dumb is on the street? you know what, tyrus? if he ends up going to jai l, do you think i'll beat himself up over it? oh, juicy. yeah. no juice. he'll be fine. well, to be fair, if juicyd have could beat himself up, he would have. yeah. you wouldn't hire out it wouldn't outsource. >> i can kick my own, soe. i could do it myself. but then again, maybe he gets the right training. ybe, iyou can learn to beat him. listen, he's not going to stop. unfortunately, sto he's going to continue because that's all he can do. he has to love the lie and you know what? i got a little respect for him. if you're going to go down with the ship,i ct for t you down with the shark. yeah. you keep that lie going. you're going to be like, you're not going to believe this. went to chick-fil-a and got attacked again shi. k-fil-

when will this stop? hashtadg dangerous. like state to state. setoe what sticks. went to san francisco, got puked on and dragged through the streets. why me? just believable. keep on going. yes. bigfoot sexually assaulted me. he left footprints. please investigate. >> let's just keep this going. yo, it's funny, cat. is that. you know, if you're a famous actor, they'll go, hey, i saw you in the titanic, or i saw you in know, but they're going to say i saw you in the race. >> crime hoax. that's why he's doing this. because what other options is you really have to have a camera on him anymore. yeah, this the court camera. at this point, i don't know wh y . he just doesn't do the 150 days, though, right? like, it's not like i couli don0 days in jail, and i don't even do anything wrong in a women's prison. yeah do, i'm going as a woman go to a women's prison. >> oh, that's right. yeah i got the same problem. yeah. he can't fight. yeahth, either way, he's in trouble. >> i'm not mad at. i'm no

t mad at jesse's lawyers. juicy. is it juicy? yeah. i'm not mad at juicy's lawyers. i don't feel comfortable. >> him juicy. i don't care for this. there it is. juicy. you got one? i'm not mad. i'm not mad at smollett's lawyers for doing this. >> oh, i'm going to jail. >> yes. i'm not mad at jess's lawyers for doing this. lawyers are like estate agents. their job is tago get yout you the bestth deal they can.er bou and if you ever bought a house, you know what i mean? my rst boughght. a house. and my real estate agent was saying things likegent wou i wee going to say that we need the kids with the house. >> you're like, that's let's go for it. i think we'll get that's what the lawyer's job is. so i get it. the lawyers going in and trying to get him the best deal possible. i don't think the lawyers,. brad. i think it's just i think the lawyers would like him th to go to jail and get this behind them because he doesn't have any money anywaisehinhiy. no. and he doesn't have any chance of convincing people that he wasn't lying.

because when when does a hate crime ever so perfectly overlapy with your fetish? >> i mean, you're telling me lap with two beefcake black guys with maga hat? you llins yes. degraded and roughed him up out of nowhere. i mean, come on. this is obviously was him projecting his wet dream of no and then trying to pretend that he got a hate crime out of it? there was waen goty too mucherea specificity here. >> and i can tell you a in particular, they have a thing fo r republican.s >> it is a thing. well, i guess you would know. i mean, i'm not going to question your bona for it. . you know, that just came out of my mouth and i apologiz the. ogiz >> so, gosh, listen, when when the when the lynch rope is silk ,joe, it you know what he should follow in. lori lightfoot footsteps or hoof steps and and teach at harvard and he could teach

classes on how to make a convincing yeah you know silk convt it is is is because there's a lot of public outcry for like why don't you liberal>s who supported him denounce him publicly for having and it's here's the thing a guy a claimi like this happening at the time he made it you know despitee it what you think you know and how strongly we felt about what the truth was, it's like they're calling out on that society equivalent of like when you meet a woman with a big belly. mm-hmmwhen you. you go, you go. i'm not going to say. are you pregnant? yeah. even though i'm prettyi am not e you're pregnant, i'm going to just kind of. i don't want to smoke on thinthe right now, just in case i'm wrong. any 20? yes. so i don't. .i i'm not surprised that the the people that did support him publicly didn't roll over on it because you're like, i just i don't want it. >> it'd be funny if they just did it now rol. >> yeah. oh, wait, like five more years. it nhe wayd , i really wrong about that guy, you know? but the thing is, it wasn't just them. t wasnyou know yet.en

when you're on tv, you're in the green room and everybody know on s a lie, but no one has the guts to say it because of that reason . >> because it's like, what if. yeah, you were. i'll be with you. >> every black american knew it was. we just. >> we just didn't even admitjusd it. but i whispered to himidn't wa tara, is he going to speak out for it? >> and yet lynch says, don't happen in the snow borough. yeah. and you know what? neither one not funny. fine one. you know, he won't. . the wintertime you will hug it up and be racist in the summer. no. whenime. it's cold the snow bris us all together. >> know, right? ohs , oh, deep breath.o comm up next, will cardboardon and prose someone to propose >> teeth sensitivity is so common it immediately feels like somebody is poking directly on the nerves the ne. i recommend sensodyne. sensodyne toothpaste goes inside the tooth calm center of down and my patients say, you know, doc, it really works

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. download the free talk they hear you mobile app and start using screen success. >> today, a story in words woman's sign asks a husband cat, a 29 year old new york woman named karolina goetz is going viral, walking the streets with her looking for a husband cardboard sign. if you look at the sign, it's not very good. if she can't make a good sign, how could she possibly make a good sandwich? >> little o a sexist would say, well, i'm really glad that this worked for her. and i don't mean the husband.

i mean the attention which i am not slamming, by the way. yeah, but i looked at her instagram and there's like she does this a lot. oh yeah signs that are like i need for cartier. i need money for looking for a sugar daddy was one she did in august, and this was the one that actually kind of popped. re so that's great. it's all people think she is sincere. here's the thingre's here's the thing. what's funny is if she was looking for attention and she does wind upas with a husband accidentally. >> mm-hmm. that would be hilarious. yeah, we ous we didn't follow up onin it. >> she's like, oh, i'm kind of, like, still lookind of g. ll be yeah, but maybe she'll be married, you know? brad, i'm goinmag to do an imitation of perhaps your mother. >> you were single're. >> she seems nice. bec look, i can't blame her because i'm not single anymore i'm n, but when i was. these dating apps are bleak. all of gen-z uses thesese dating apps, and it's like doomscrolling. it's this illusion of wanting to utilize . f it begins with, gee, you know, it's your fault. yeah, well, fair. >> but i'm serious, though. yeah.

>> young people. barely funny that you use grindr. >> and he makes them. oh, thank you. >> and we do have glory holes in our bed. i'm sorry, but thanks for coming back. you're good. i'm good. i'm just saying, though, i can't them. when you're taking to the streets looking for a day or a husband because these dating apps are terrible, everyone finds them depressing. they just doomscrolling for hours they think they have unlimited choice and they actually don't met my husband on a dating app. >> maybe i'm just better than all these other people. paris. >> how many phish pics did you have to serve? oh, well, i met a lot of people who are not my. >> yeah, this. this insults me. it's just cutting out all the fun. yeah. like trap us like everybody else promises you don't want any commitments. we're just going to have fun. just hang out, maybe get a pizza and then wait till we decide to part ways and call us and say you're pregnant.

don't feel bad. oh, this is ridiculous. putting your intentions out. that is like raid to any fly. they're going to go. a man is going to look. nope, we're going to go that way. no one wants to be instant husband. you got to trap us and trick us. that's the american way. like beat us down and make us submit. >> yeah. do you that? interestingly enough, barack obama had the same sign. well, according to a letter he wrote to a girlfriend. okay joe single, you're still single. >> you're always going to be single articl. . probably. yeah. no, that's not an insult. no, it's a it's a badg ho get thee, don' of honor. and i. because you get the ladies people, don't you? i know you think know that's wed looking at. >> nobody thinks it's weird, bev you know. >> what are you. you all right? i believe in antiquitye in an aw the institution that was designed when women weren't allowed to work or think , okayry ,sorry, i'm not doing the thing, was built around

people dying at 31. that's why it works. yeah. yeah. ingle no. yeah, i'm. i'm a big believer in being single. yeah. and i wa. an ws to say what cyre said already, that was my joke. >> here. well, but what are you going to ask me? sorry, i didn't have estion aer.hend we're almost over. so you're done. okay, well, she. you know, she'd have a bette yoo of getting a husband with us. >> had said we'll work for food. hey. hey. cou go. there youn you go? >> nice looking. nice. and on the way back? yes. he hates right now.e >> i love you. right back. >> right. i i'm laura ingram. i think my first memory and of politics in the political process was really when i was in high school. and i think as i recall, there r only one table for ronald reagan. it was like the math kids

and myself when they called the election for reagan, stoke i think i jumped five feet in the air. >> i was so stoked. we needed a change. >> and i think now we're at that same point. america needs a 180 degree change from the direction where joe biden is taking us right now. conservative governor and business leader doug burgum joe biden's wrong on the economy. he's wrong on energy, and he's wrong on national security. as north dakota governor burgum supercharged the economy by passing the largest tax cut in state history, cutting spending by billions balancing the budget and eliminating red tape. conservative doug burgum a new leader for a changing economy. best of america pac is responsible for the content of this advertising. start saturday strong with america's number one game is big news saturday on fox. it all starts at ten eastern with big noon kick off back in boulder. quarterback drew well seventh ranked penn state in a big ten battle against illinois.

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