>> people accused the dnc of leaking that beyoncé was

performing to get people to watch. that is a new low if true. i the way, catch elvis presley on mondays got felt. tmz owned up to falsely reporting on beyoncé's appearance, they should stick to reporting on famous people drunk driving arrests. like tim walz. [ cheering and applause ] claiming the dnc tries to appeal to men who are not testosterone laden with tim walz and doug emhoff, causing organizers to wonder why she left off randy weingarten. [ laughter ] a new study said 60% of supermarket baby foods are unhealthy. weight! i'm going to have to feed it, said one woman. nicolas cage will portray

john madden in an upcoming biotic. to achieve the right look for the role he is currently working with a personal trainer. [ laughter ] [ cheering and applause ] you saw that coming! and what is being described as a verbal gaffe, eric adams said he is a good mayor because of his ability to cut quote, sexualize and stay focused. which would make him an excellent new york city school teacher. [ applause ] a connecticut woman has earned a guinness world record by having 99% of her body tattooed. we would show you her whole face but she does not like to draw attention to herself. [ laughter ] while walking in chicago this week, they delegate from texas was robbed at gunpoint. but in chicago, that is just how they say hello. nancy pelosi spoke at the convention this week, she took

credit for creating 1200 jobs for plastic surgeons. [ cheering and applause ] now to the news! willie dnc fluff help harris enough? now that the dnc is over and liberals are basking in the glow empty nothingness, we would like to recap some of the low lights from the week. but because i'm feeling generous, i will spare you the clips of kamala harris. [ cheering and applause ] first up, dr jill. she tried to rewrite her husband's history. >> and weeks ago, when i saw him dig deep into his soul and decide to no longer seek reelection and endorse kamala harris! >> really? [ laughter ] is that how you remember it? that's like saying lincoln quit on the advice of his doctors. [ applause ]

[ cheering and applause ] as i recall it, joe was flowing out of air force one without a parachute. and as for the woman who threw him out back old nancy looked less than thrilled during a we love joe chant when the camera cut to her. and who could blame her? stabbing someone in the back is draining. really takes it out of you. just ask the obama's. meanwhile, here is one woman who has got the energy of a coked up hamster. >> next week we have to go back to working the way we work for a collective bargaining contract! the way we work for anything that is important to us! any of the things i report every single day! we need to fight to get kamala harris and tim walz elected! are you ready? are you ready? are you ready? [ laughter ]

[ cheering and applause ] >> i'm not ready! and who could forget this wisecrack from former president obama? >> here's a 78-year-old billionaire who has not stopped whining about his problems. there's the childish nicknames, the crazy conspiracy theories, this weird obsession with crowd sizes. >> what does this mean, barack? it cannot be a childish insult, could it? of course it wouldn't have been a week to remember without biden losing a battle with a teleprompter. >> the united states supreme court majority wrote the following... quote, women are not allowed --

not without electric -- electoral -- or political power. >> you know, i think that was an insult to women with electrical power. [ applause ] and finally, let's not forget that during the dnc, a star was born. >> it's on fire, we don't ask about the homeowner religion. we don't wonder who their partner is or how they voted. no! we just try to do the best we can to save them. and if the best place happens to belong to a childless cat lady ... [ cheering and applause ] [ laughter ] >> pour cat lady! she never stood a chance when cable news showed her on camera.

[ laughter ] although we here at fox did not, but we wish you well, cat lady. just don't let your cats vote. all right, here we go. let's do some news, right? [ cheering and applause ] >> what did you think of the convention, paul? did you find it had a lot of joy? >> when it was over. >> exactly! >> the rest of the time it was like acid reflux r. >> what kind of moments stood out for you? >> i was outside, i was only inside intermittently to do some on-air appearances but outside there were protesters and there's a significant moment, and we will have a clip. i was watching, there's about 1000 people scattered around a very large part, a big open grassy area and it was very anti- american, a lot of people screaming because when you get these sorts of protest, it's about gaza and everything else but if you get these adjacent groups with communists and

anarchists and this kind of thing. so this one guy enters the field, something is a little off, i can see he's a little different. he's carrying a big flag with aviator glasses on, walking very erect and has a bullhorn. a young black male, than guy, not very big so i'm wondering what this guys getting himself into. i'm watching him as i picked him up and he entered the field and he walks right among about 1000 pretty hostile people and i'm going to curse because they said i could do it, he picks up the bullhorn in the first thing he says is [ bleep ] y'all. [ laughter ] so in our lifetime, if you ever wondered if chicago was going to produce a genius, this is him. and we have a clip of what he did subsequently and it's amazing. >> let's see it. >> we live in america [ bleep ]! we got problems going on over here. what do i want? you know i want? i'm raising my flag and my flag

is high. not that [ bleep ] flag. this is our country! [ cheering and applause ] >> that was great. so i shot that video, i couldn't interview him later but all i can say is, run for mayor of chicago. they need you. >> that's great. adam, what were some of your favourite things of the convention? >> first of all, go steve urkel. [ laughter ] but first to get there he had to pass the vasectomy and the abortion bus that they were having. which, you know, why even have a vasectomy? any guy there has their knots chopped off already. [ laughter ] but i heard they were having a two-for-one with bill clinton and kamala harris' husband. if they want to get a vasectomy. but it's just -- there were a lot of things.

like tim walz saying mind your own business unless you are from minnesota, in your business got burned down. or him bragging about how good of a shot he has. you know who could use that? the guys in iraq. that you've deserted. and biden was only up there because even the kidney one -- >> i don't think i got that one, but paul did. >> and nancy pelosi had a speech with more filler than her face. and then hillary is up there and she is so mad at trump. i mean she was mad because -- she was mad that, you know, basically she was mad that -- >> look at your notes! >> she was furious. >> mad because hillary deleted e-mails and hillary got mad at trump for not filing his tax returns and if i was trump, i would just e-mail her my tax returns. >> he got it out!

he got it out! just read it! just read it! >> sometimes you just have to give the horse a little more kick. and you wrote it home. >> i'll tell you what i liked. i liked littlejohn. i like the wrapping because i went to his rap concert and at one thought i was an undercover cop while i was there. and i was like no, i'm not a cop, like i have drugs and it turned out the guy was a cop. [ laughter ] >> tyrus, there was a lot of joy this week at the convention, right? >> i will stick to the parts that i liked. i think we have to give johnny, he was in the trenches, man. he was asking questions and he got the lead going about the beyoncé thing where everyone was running around looking for beyoncé. >> did he start that? >> no the people he was interviewing said she was here. we can't talk right now! so i think that was probably the thing is that there are still people in the audience going man, beyoncé is so -- but you

wait for greatness. that and again, you have to talk about the police force, the chicago police force. they did an amazing job keeping people safe whose whole agenda is to take their jobs and dignity away. and that's as a lot because it is amazing when you allow police to do their jobs, how safe they were. but it is sad because they don't allow the police to do their jobs in chicago where they are really needed but they were very safe to talk about and weigh whatever flag they want and sale of the things they want because the police, the men and women wearing the sheild to the job because they have integrity. [ cheering and applause ] and finally, i know the cameraman was a republican. because when she said cat lady, he was like yes, i know just the one. we know the cameraman -- to the camera crew,. >> i love how she looked around, two. she turned around like is there a cat lady?

>> here's the part, she wasn't surprised. that's not the first time she is heard that. >> you're kind of a cat lady, a proud one. >> not kind of, my cats are my world and i'm about to have a baby. [ laughter ] >> do you think that'll go away? once you have the baby, number cat lady, right? >> i don't think so. no! i will breast-feed them both at the same time. >> wow. >> the jokes! on awesome joke! tickets on sale. >> what was your highlight of the convention? >> so the women's caucus national anthem, i think we have a clip, right? ♪ owe say can you see, by the dawn's early light ♪

[singing off key] ♪ at the twilight's last gleaming ♪ >> the woman on the right, i love her. because she is just like -- she is smiling and then she is like, no, i'm not going to be any part in this foolishness. i would love to have her speaking of foolishness,'s in a chair next to greg on the show and see if he can still do the stuff he does. or would you feel too silly because she is like, no? i don't want to be in a clip with this foolishness. >> he did it as around, i've never seen the anthem done that way. >> to be fair, patriotism is new to them. so they're just learning it now. [ applause ] >> very good. >> before we go, come check me out on my stand up to her, next month i will be in philadelphia, richmond virginia and buffalo in october. had to my website for tickets.

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[ cheering and applause ] >> story in five words! rfk suspense campaign, endorses trump. [ cheering and applause ] [ cheering and applause ] >> what do you think this means? >> i think this is a strong message that shows moderate democrats have more in common with republicans than the progressive party. i think this is a good thing. it was clever what he did. because he still wants to support the people voting for him, i think it's crazy -- we should have a third party and a fourth party in my opinion, people should have a choice. but what he did was clever

because the attacks of the dnc and how they went after him and tried to destroy him for just having a difference of opinion -- he was in line with them, he was a democrat, you know his family's history. so he took his name off the ballot in the swing states so he will have no bearing impact, which is a huge blow for the democrats. but he is still running in blue states to give them another option. basically what he did was a big giant middle finger to the democratic party. [ cheering and applause ] >> paul, they keep talking about democracy, this is what they were running on originally. we have to save democracy. but they iced him out and he knows the democratic party is now the most undemocratic of institutions. >> it is unbelievable. this is like democracy by the cheese, they are all shaving each other. they sale take my name off of those states but they are all getting revenge. back to pelosi.

what she did to biden was like murdering an old aged woman. with a 22, it was like she stuck a shaven him in the day room. >> it would be like -- it's like bingo gone wrong. >> that's right. they drank too much ensure. so it really is like the mask coming off and you see what politics is really about. democratic politics, particularly. because that is a venerated name and he could be the difference here because he is pulling at 2e a close election a matter where it stands so this could matter. but his bus showed up at the protest field during the dnc. and i think i got a bit of insight as to why, may be, he is pulling out. because we have a clip. the bus pulls up and it is filled with two or three hipsters who are wearing the

wool caps. everybody is screaming, yelling, the communists are there shouting him down, they hate kennedy, these guys climbed up on top of the bus and started throwing out free t-shirts. all the communism went away. >> let's see it! [ chanting ] [ ♪♪ ] >> this is amazing footage! paul, you were a writer, you are on air and know you were a cameraman for fox news. >> i know, i have to join a different union. [ laughter ] but it was amazing to watch. and there was a girl they're selling the communist newspaper -- she was giving it out nice at all read anything. i said i'd read it and she handed it to me and i figured she is a communist, shall give it to me on the arm and i want

to walk away and she said that'll be five dollars. >> fantastic! cat, what do you think of this? is this big for trump? what percentage of the kennedy vote do you think trump will get in these swing states? >> i think it is not surprising to me that a lot of the support for kennedy would go to trump regardless, because i think a lot of it was people who are particularly upset about covid. and obviously democrats were more so pro- lockdown, especially in some of these states, like here in new york city we were in lockdown forever, it felt like. but i also just -- one thing -- and i disagree with rfk on plenty of things and one thing i was like about him was that he was willing to have conversations about policy, regardless of whose policy it was. so i hope that doesn't change about him. because i think there are very few voices, at this point, that are willing to do that in this hyper- partisan climate that we have, especially now that there

is an election. but regardless of the election, as a hyper- partisan climate so i hope he doesn't lose the one thing i liked about him the most, that he is willing to have conversations about policy. >> adam, what you think? do you like him? >> i did like him. i think it would have been interesting because we had our first black president with obama, then her first orange present with trump, and then we would've had our first constipated president. [ laughter ] >> he sounds like he's constipated! [ laughter ] but i think things got weird, it was getting weird. to stories that were coming out like he had a worm in his brain and then kamala harris said the worm was put in her tequila. [ laughter ] and it is just like the bayer that he ran over and put in central park. it just kept getting stranger and then the bear would have survived but he wasn't vaccinated. [ laughter ] and then some of the things that

he's like -- that they ask him, did you ever sexually assault your nanny? and he says, he said listen, i have a lot of skeletons in my closet. it is a weird answer. are they her skeletons? so i just don't know. he has done a lot of things that -- i don't know. >> i thought you had one more. that's all right, i was going to give you one more but we were coming up to commercial, what you think, off the paper? >> it's going to help trump. >> up next! up next, manly forms of recreation to ward off women's e infatuatioyen. or t-e-d, which may need a different doctor. find a t-e-d eye specialist at isitted.com. still have symptoms from moderate to severe ulcerative colitis or crohn's disease after a tnf blocker like humira or remicade? put them in check with rinvoq. rinvoq works differently

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attractive they are perceived by women. and much to my dismay, hosting "gutfeld" is near the bottom of the list. [ laughter ] >> we cannot verify the scientific authenticity of the pole, but when has that stopped us? according to the checks of this chart, playing video games is the number 1 fast-track to the friend zone. followed by things like collecting figurines, doing magic, gambling and even building model trains. luckily for me, barbershop quartet did not make the list. check it out, ladies! [ cheering and applause ] that is check magnet to the fourth power. cat? you are the token woman on the panel, so what do you think -- a lot of these were nerdy hobbies, where did they stack up for you? >> i could not agree more about how much of a turnoff it is to

be a videogame guy. which, i want to make a distinction between guy who plays video games and videogame guy. >> what's the difference? the differences guy who plays video games does it sometimes and there is videogame guy who, like, will be like i can't hang out with you for nine hours because i have to play video games. i dated a man -- i dated a man for a few years that was really into call of duty. he had the headset on and i would be sitting there, young and beautiful, being ignored as he screams at strangers online, fighting in this pretend war. and i was so traumatized by it that i had to grow up and then marry a man who fought in an actual war. [ applause ] >> he knew the call of duty! >> i will say though, the man who fought in the actual war, that is much hotter. than the pretend internet war. >> tyreese is getting a kick out of this year.

were you surprised that a lot of these hobbies were on the nerdy side? >> you know what, ladies, if your man is doing any one of those things, you do know that means he has to be at home to do it. because there is far more troubling hobbies like i don't know, day shift at the strip club. that's a hobby. hanging out with your best friend when you are not around. ladies, that is also a hobby. going out for cigarettes and not coming back for five years. hobby! so maybe, just maybe, be thankful that he's at home. because you can unplug the videogame. you don't want to be in the bathrobe and the hair rollers and the strip road going cacti risk? it's my hobby! two of my strippers are on their way to college! thanks to me! be thankful we are at home, ladies. >> adam, what you think? keep them at home. >> i think these are all least attractive until they make money doing them. and then all of a sudden, you go

from a loser to an influencer. and also, a lot of these things -- like video games, personally, it's just too complicated. like grand theft auto and world of warcraft, when i was a kid a fraud cut across a pond. that was the whole game. but i think it is also just laziness. because even let's say porn is there hobby. back in the day you had to leave your house, or to a porn booth. now you go on your phone and 10 years from now, hand will pop out of the screen and take care of you. and it will be an indian hand, it will be outsourced. [ cheering and applause ] >> we can't outsource these hobbies. now paul, you are a happily married man. >> i am. >> and i don't think you have any nerdy hobbies, in fact you are all business. take a look at this photo.

you wear a suit to the beach. [ laughter ] >> always on the job. he is always on the job. >> you want here worse news? that's not my wife. [ laughter ] it's my wife! it's my wife! >> it's your hobby! >> the only worse hobby than this stuff is whatever jackass conducted this poll. i mean really, that's your livelihood? someone conducted that pole? but realistically, this is an age issue. if you are 14 and you were doing this and looking for love, you got a few years you can mess around on video games. but if you are 35 and looking for your life mate and you are excited that you made level three and donkey kong, time to reassess. the only thing i would say really quickly is that history has taught us, these guys we make fun of that we laugh about, these end up being your bill gates and everything. so 10 years from now, the kid that is locked in his room playing whatever they play now

will be the master of the universe so be polite. >> it's like what adam said, once you start making the money. but cat, these things, i think, this is my theory, tell me if i'm right or wrong, all of these things are guys focusing on something that is not the woman, they are focusing on the game or on their miniatures or on dungeons & dragons, whatever it is. so the women just want to be paid attention to, right? >> it's really not that hard. yes. absolutely. that is the problem. >> so guys -- >> if the videogame was me, that no problem. [ cheering and applause ] >> it may happen someday! coming up, can you tell who was the party of the nfl? [ cheering and applause ] fterli? —please. i use secret whole body deodorant. does it leave a residue? actually, it goes on clear with no embarrassing white marks. you're a life-saver. well, no. it's too late for that... (laughter) if you have wet amd,

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downs, not partisan clowns. this comes to us from morning joe and it's upon amiss daytime dolt. for context, they just watched a clip of tim walz at the dnc spewing more football metaphors than al michaels trapped in a thesaurus. [ laughter ] according to scene your pompadour, the democratic party is the party of the nfl now. >> i tell you what, the democratic party really, the sports analogies and everything else really came tumbling out. they seem to be the party of the nfl now. >> it is the party of football. i don't know if people appreciate. this is something i did not think was possible. >> i did not see it coming. >> i come from a world of sports, in my lifetime i have not ever considered that the democratic party would be the party that has the most plausible claim to the largest organism in a culture war, which

is football. >> crazy, right? but then again, the nfl and the democratic party have one thing in common, they can both cause brain damage. [ laughter ] [ cheering and applause ] >> adam, conservatives are kind of like -- they own the mma world, right? that seems like a conservative thing. do you think the democrats will be able to take football? >> no. at the dnc they kept saying they were the new vision of the future and their first speaker or first guest was stevie wonder. [ laughter ] but i think that they may be like the nfl because the jets should have tampons in their locker room. i'm a jet fan! but they are calling them tampon tim and i think it's lazy.

it is right there. but, yes,, maybe you like the nfl, the democratic party have a couple billionaires that support black people. i could have left that one out. >> all right cacti risk -- you used to play football -- football is the all-american game. >> we have to stop this [ bleep ] right now. hold on with the carwash, ladies and gentlemen. first of all, they are not taking over camouflage, they are not taking over football. they should have more meetings talk about how football is bad, it's misogynistic men. it wasn't like you had nfl athletes in line on the stage right there, guys being held against their wills by their wives go up and some of the poor bastards had to wear jerseys that did not fit anymore and not one of those guys was fired up or smiling, they all just stood there. because in the third row was

there wife going... so the football world is done playing outside, they've nothing to worry about. it sounds good but i'm sorry, when you have one of the dumbest group of nerds ever put together on that morning joe show talking about what is hip and cool and none of them can say football -- he didn't know what sport they were talking about. he probably thought it was a soccer game in europe. they have no clue and if you go to morning joe for anything besides reminding you how much better your life is, that's it. [ cheering and applause ] >> and you are a sports fanatic. do you think the democrats will be -- [ laughter ] do you think the democrats will make inroads to the crowd? they have tried to politicize it with kneeling and everything else. >> i have to be honest with you, i don't really understand that segment. i know very little about

football but i'm trying to learn it because the lions were good last time. and i want to be able to hop on the bandwagon a little earlier this time if they are good again. but i'm not a sports gal. but the guy called football on organism? i don't think that is true. >> no. >> i think it is a stretch, i really think it is a stretch. everyone loves football on the whole world except for me, at least that's how it feels so i think people of all political persuasions enjoy football, no one has ownership over it. >> that's right. paul, they are trying to take right wing culture. they think they can co-opt it, that's how little they think of right wingers because they think it is all the camouflage hats, hunting, football, everything. >> the economic policy, the border. all of a sudden, when they run, we need to go to the right, let's mime that we are republicans until november 6th. then we go back to the party that has done everything they've done. let's return to adams point.

they're not the party of the nfl, they are the party of the new york jets. which means they promised new faces every year, things are going to change, things will be so much better. and then right into the crap out of the box. and i say that as a jets fan. that is just how it is. but a more broad point would be, no wonder msnbc ratings are what they are, because somebody decided that america wanted to wake up to that? no. >> they literally had commercials in a documentary saying the nfl was like the slave trade. and we forget all of this crap that they do. it's a joke. politics are not needed in sports, wrestling in movies, just enjoy the show but when you try to do it, at least be authentic. someone should have been there and said what team? >> he is trying to build his he-man bona fide, but not a lot of offensive lineman with that haircut.

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[ cheering and applause ] >> announcer: you were watching mailing it in.

>> welcome to mailing it in, let's get to the first male question. stella asks, for which product could you be the best spokesperson? that is good. i bet some of you have been offered things, what do you think? what would you like to endorse? >> vasectomies. [ laughter ] >> oh my gosh! i mean that's it, one word. adam, what do you think? >> probably drugs and why you should not take them. i used to have a cocaine problem but i overcame it through poverty. >> it's a way out, right? [ applause ] >> cat, what you think? >> i would have said nicotine gum but i can't do that anymore, the baby doesn't like it. >> but you would endorse it because it's a good way to stop smoking. >> i stop smoking, stop vaping, i love nicotine and now obviously i cannot touch it. whenever i see people talk about what their first meal will be like after pregnancy runs like sushi, artist wants nicotine.

>> paul, what do you endorse? >> i don't want to endorse anything. i absolutely cannot figure out an answer for this. all i can think of is something i discovered recently, witches have you seen these little packets that you put in water the next morning after a big night and you feel better, the little hangover cure things? i would endorse them from here to the moon because they have saved so much work time for me and have made me a lot more productive. that is the only thing i can think of. >> that's the same thing as getting a vasectomy. [ laughter ] >> okay, next up, what is your most eccentric possession? i will start with this one. this is kind of weird, i have a miley cyrus gold record. >> while... you win. [ laughter ] >> i was doing a gig, a corporate gig and they were auctioning things and nobody -- okay. i'm not going to explain it. >> it fell in your lap.

somebody else wants it, i'll just hold onto this gold miley cyrus record! >> what do you have? >> i have a platinum miley cyrus record. [ laughter ] and i keep it in a glass case. >> cat, what you have? >> probably my own coffin. when i threw funeral for myself on my 30th birthday. a time between that and uncle sam costing for my cat. >> that's amazing. >> if you never looked it up, she had a birthday party where she was in a coffin. >> was it full-size? >> i was in it, so yes! >> adam? i don't even want to ask but i will ask. >> i live in california, so it's a wife. i used to be a sex addict so i checked myself into a marriage. >> that's good. that's good. >> paul, what you think? >> eccentric items?

>> he is a gold record, platinum record, i have miley cyrus. [ laughter ] maybe not. i have -- one of my detectives when i was working, a great guy from the border of pakistan and afghanistan back home. and he brought me back a version of a pakistani guitar, it is an ancient instrument and it was messing around with it and i really like it and it's most unique thing in the world. and i asked him, what do i do to restrain it? and he told me, it's going to be a little bit hard because the strings are made from cat. >> cat got, that's right! >> and i don't think you can get them here. >> i would go with that. >> if you got a few cats, maybe once getting old. >> let's do rapidfire for the last question. steve allen asks, what movie from the past do you still sometimes watch? >> here's my list. casablanca, the great escape, what you think? >> happy gilmore.

five kids, once he line, no rules. >> any movies? >> scarface, blazing saddles and stir crazy. >> three great comedies. adam? >> rocky, roadhouse and diehard. >> paul? >> scarface as well because a buddy of mine is in the background, in the stink act which i think is the best script hollywood did. >> i always forget the ending. don't go away, we will be right back. [ applause ]

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i'll be honest. by the end of the day, my floors...yeesh. but who has the time to clean? that's why i love my swiffer wetjet. it's a quick and easy way to get my floors clean. wetjet absorbs and locks grime deep inside. look at that! swiffer wetjet. [ cheering and applause ] >> very special thanks to paul, adam, tyrus and you, our studio audience. on behalf of greg, i love you america! [ cheering and applause ] >> good evening, i'm jonathan hunt in for trace gallagher. it i