[♪♪] >> sean: unfortunately that is all the time we have this evening. is always thank you for being with us, thank you for making the show possible. and also please set your dvr so you never miss an episode for news any time, every time, all the time, fox news.com, hannity.com. let not your heart be troubled, greg gutfeld is next to put a smile on your face. have a great night. [ cheering and applause ] [♪♪]

>> greg: yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. i know. i like my haircut. happy tuesday, everyone. scientists have discovered what they call a third state of existence. somewhere between life and death. no kidding. democrats responded to the second assassination attempt on trump by turning down the rhetoric by comparing the former president to mussolini. in a rare sign of unity, maxine waters has offered to schedule his next tee time. the biden a ministration has promised to beef up security for president trump. using the same agents that protect kamala from reporters.

a neighbor of the accused gunman says the family was weird and kept a live horse in their home. further proof that the suspect was unstable. [ laughter ] >> greg: it's okay to boo that one. i felt the same way. an investigation into the immigrant crisis in springfield, ohio reveals that auto accidents have increased four fold. i did not know the haitians were all women. rfk junior is being investigated for allegedly cutting off the head of a whale carcass 20 years ago. but it appears joy behar is doing fine. you people! i had governor mike reveal that recent bomb threats have all been hoaxes with most of the calls to springfield traced to this individual.

because of declining popularity, the meet co. boar's head has announced they will stop making liver worst. this means war, said one man. hillary clinton's fourth memoir is coming out today. there are many accounts of her life as there are of christ's. the similarities end there. jesus brought a dead man back to life and hillary brought a live man to a prison and had him hung. [ applause ] >> greg: and on msnbc, hillary clinton called donald trump a danger to our country. meanwhile men are calling hillary a danger to their voters. -- boners. according to nielsen, more democrats tune into gutfeld than the temporal liberal shows like the tonight show, jimmy kimmel and the daily show.

apparently my good looks are far stronger than partisanship. but i realize with great power comes great responsibility so tonight i want to take some time to explain to the democrats watching what makes us different. let this be our attempt to "tone down the rhetoric." first we do not read minds, we can't begin to predict what you are thinking. however you guys do that all the time. if somebody says crime is out of control, you say well he's racist. if someone says we need to seal the border you say he's racist. if a dentist tells you to brush her teeth you say he's racist. why must my teeth be so white? of course trump is always racist. remember when he said this... >> i got involved with the taliban the cause the taliban was doing the killing and abdul is the head of the taliban, he is still the head of the taliban and i told abdul don't do it anymore, you do it anymore you will have problems at he said

why do you sent me a picture of my house? i said you will have to figure that out, abdul. for 18 months we had nobody killed. >> greg: he's racist, said the mind readers, trump referred to muslims as abdul's. >> he also invented the head of the taliban. >> such a hack. he picked the most obvious name to make up for the head of the taliban. abdul. >> instead of talking about the disastrous, chaotic withdrawal, she turned it to the fact that he invited the taliban to camp david. >> started talking about abdul. >> greg: of course trump was referring to the actual taliban honcho whose name is...abdul! i guess it's weird having a president that remembers people's names, or maybe abdul was just a lucky guess. it was either that or steve. but the critics don't care

because they know what's in trump's tangerine tinged head. but how do you know what's in our heads? every time we don't agree with you the implication is that we are evil. that way there's no need to debate, unless the moderators are on your side. also on the right, we find everything funny. even if we don't like your jokes, we don't try to get you fired, we change the channel. thanks for all the viewers, jimmy kimmel. [ applause ] >> greg: but the left says that we punch down. but with comedy you are supposed to make fun of everything. also i'm 5-foot five, every punch i've ever thrown is up. except for that one time dana got a little mouthy with me in a ban against. of course today punching down has been reversed by granting special benefits based on group traits. for instance the left says you can't mock women's looks, then they mock malay tnias. my response is why would you call a show the view when your

host completely block it? we are also partial to institutions. a little fashion thinking. older generations either finish this -- figured the stuff out or their society collapsed. this is why people keep hearing old classic phrases like wide by the cow if you can get the milk for free. because it makes sense and cows are sluts. the challenge for a democrat is how you change the world without destroying it's foundations. there's a lot of good things out there, electricity, meritocracy, celibacy. [ laughter ] >> greg: now, without democrats progress maybe slow, but without republicans you could end up with rash policies that lead to crime, homelessness and no one left to tax. it's why righties don't embrace gender ideology. a normal life can't be had if you are introducing variables

that undermine order. child has enough challenges already. so when you see parents upset it's not because they are transphobic, they just want their kids to experience life at the right age. i did not know what a vagina was until i was 27. now how about the hoaxes. drinking bleach hoax, hunter's laptop hoax. all misreported by media providers that you still trust them. that's like getting food poisoning at a restaurant but you keep going back. what, are you in love with diarrhea? but you are just being used, like i used taylor swift to make martina never to low but jealous. it worked. however we don't have that liberal luxury of accepting hoaxes. we have to do the homework to debunk them. finally those of you may think trump is eight a hole, even a threat to democracy. it almost get him killed on a regular basis. but calling someone an asshole

has no effect on men. referred at all our lives. your coworker is a real asshole, yeah but he is our best worker. or someone might say that jesse watters is an asshole and you're like okay, you are right. we don't care if our lawyer or doctor is a a hole. it's factored in and often applause. i don't want to enter court and the other side grins when they see my attorney. i want their asshole's to get puckered like a kid's face when their tasting a dill pickle for the first time and i'd rather have a asshole who can does my appendicitis overtaxed than a great bedside manner, being misdiagnosed with a rash and knowing being sued by the rockets. for you democrats washing, i hope this helps you understand us. we do our best to understand you. maybe now you return the favor

and the trump lawn signs you keep stealing. tonight's guests. he's as fun as a barrel of monkeys that die because they are in a barrel, dr, writer, comedian jamie lissow! she can out spin a roulette wheel, republican strategist erin perrine! soon her husband will have to make sure two people don't eat legos, new york times best-selling author and fox news contributor kat timpf! and bigfoot calls him a really big foot. new york times best-selling author, comedian, former w to be a champion, tyrus! you know, part of the reason this show is so successful, jamie, is because we make fun of your terrible life. care to add anything else?

>> will you just made me think that one time i bought a cow and some guy took the milk. >> i get it. >> greg: he's talking about his ex-wife. >> the old milk man. >> i will say i feel there's a little bit of truth to that joke. not about me but i feel one thing that does separate the show from others is there's a genuineness to it. it's so fake to watch some of these interviews and i feel like with us you kind of get to know us and i feel like you are allowed to say what you want and it's not a scripted thing. i was at a coffee shop and somebody came up to me and they go hey i recognize you from "gutfeld!" and i go that's so cool. he goes are you real, is that a real character, are you really from alaska, are you really broke, are you really divorced and do you really never get laid? and i said, let me tell you something, do you think if i could make up any character...

those would be the attributes i would choose? but i think it is because you let people be real people. i can't even watch some of those guys, super funny guys, fallon. now he's not even on friday anymore. they are showing repeats. kamala came out and said there's nothing wrong with repeating something and then she went on to say there's nothing wrong with repeating something. but in one interview there were like it's like you guys have an agenda and it's like you are in an echo chamber. he said it's not an echo chamber and then behind him i heard it's not an echo chamber. >> greg: those are some serious jokes. >> he's a serious man. >> greg: he is. i find the biggest hurdle when dealing with say the other side is the mind-reading because it's hard to argue with somebody who already knows or thinks they know what you are thinking. >> it's because a lot in the

media and a lot especially on the left-wing just parrots the talking points of democrats. i've worked on the hill before, i worked on presidential campaigns, i've seen nancy pelosi say something off-camera and then i've heard a host repeat it on show verbatim as news and part of their factual reporting. so they feel like they already know the answer because they know generally speaking the host is going to agree with them on the left. if you watch any of those late-night shows, and i know we've talked about it before, there's no real room in those shows her conservative or republican voices because you are just going to get into a fight. if you watch those shows you are going to be watching three of the same things. they will be making the same jokes about donald trump, making the same jokes about republicans and not because it's funny but because they think it's the cheapest common denominator. they are not willing to expand the conversation to say let's make fun of everyone equally, because that is just more fun. >> greg: yeah, the other thing too is i don't think anybody here -- oh thank you, smattering

of applause. >> i will take it. >> greg: i don't think anyone here has a problem with the sunk cost. if we find out we are wrong, if we believe in something we will let it go. but i feel like if you've invested so much emotional, i don't know, emotion into how you feel about trump, you can't let it go because it goes back too far. >> how you feel about anything. i know that i'm not afraid to say something that i know might not be popular, but also i think that it opens up -- if you are willing to be wrong it opens up more jokes and more fun. >> greg: tyrus. >> we are just different in the way we look at things. when something happens on their side it's the end of the world as we know it, we have to have vigils and candle lighting. we've gotten to the point on our side that literally everything happens, now it's a punchline. literally i was on tour this weekend when the attempted assassination happened. i go up on stage and i'm like well we've got a talk about it.

i was like, you know, there were four shots taken at the president. at the time we did not know everything. on the golf course. and they missed. the sad part was they did not yell fore. see, we can laugh at it. i even said too soon? and they were like no, because we are used to it. we can laugh about the most ridiculously stuff that we shouldn't be laughing about. but at this point that's all we can do, is laugh about it. they just can't laugh and that's why the late-night shows struggle. >> and people want to laugh. the same thing happened to me where i was about to go on stage this weekend and people want to laugh. you will be shocked what people will laugh at. a lot of people are telling you you can't laugh at certain things, but going out going on stage and making jokes, i know the same for you, has taught me very much that is not the case. i think that people on these other shows are too afraid to do it. because what's the worst thing that could happen? people don't laugh. i guess your career could be over in some instances but i

think that's wrong. >> even if they were upset with the thing i said about, you know, fore, but our president is creative and smart. a lot of people don't know he added those four shots on his opponent scorecard. [ cheering and applause ] that's what we do. >> greg: all right! we have more to come. up next, hillary flaps her gums with her media chums. maya knows how quality care can bring out a smile. but it's been a few dog years since she was able to enjoy a smile of her own. good thing aspen dental offers affordable, complete care all in one place. and new patients without insurance get $29 exams and x-rays. plus 20% off treatment plans for everyone. loving our patients unconditionally. it's one more way aspen dental is in your corner.

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>> announcer: it's coming your way, it's video of the day. [ cheering and applause ] >> greg: trump still rankles

that broad with thick ankles. video of the day comes from hrc who turned up on the rachel maddow show to promote another memoir. hillary moaned about the media not covering trump the way she would like them to. you know, with 6' of dirt. roll it, bernice. >> sadly the press is still not able to cover trump the way that they should. i don't understand why it's so difficult for the press to have a consistent narrative about how dangerous trump is. >> greg: it's good to see she took a break from the quaker oats container. so wait. they do have a consistent narrative about how dangerous trump is. what have you been watching? old vhs copies of phases of

death great misinformation came up and hillary has a solution for that too. >> there are americans who are engaged in this kind of propaganda. whether they should be civilly or even in some cases criminally charged is something that would be a better to torrent. >> greg: being jailed for misinformation. i guess bill clinton will never call you pretty. erin, basically she's saying you should go to jail for things she doesn't like. >> yes. >> greg: it's not just what she says, how she says it is pretty scary. >> threats to democracy, take your first amendment and shove it. this is what democrats do. but it's funny because she sitting there saying they don't follow a narrative, they need to follow this dangerous narrative about trump. turn on the tv, it's consistently talked about. then she hits the media again and says they jump from story to story. yes, ma'am,, that's called

covering the breaking news on the campaign trail. that is not them being nefarious, that's them doing their jobs, which is if something happens we are going to make sure the american public knows about it. that's why there's a traveling press pool covering both the president and the vice president in both campaigns, because people want to know what's going on. while you may not like the headline, hillary, the fact is the american people want to know what's going on with their leaders and part of the problem, one of the many problems with the joe biden debate versus donald trump, was the white house press pool came out and said they are not letting us in the room so if anything is said and the microphones are muted, we can't give you access to information. and what do you know, that was joe biden the president of the united states who did not let the press pool in that day. we will be talking about how things should be covered, democrats, was take a look at ourselves on this one. [ cheering and applause ] >> greg: kat, she has four memoirs. [ laughter ] >> greg: that's pretty amazing >> how many have you read?

>> none, yeah. i think also the sad thing is i guess you could almost see a bright spot, that at least she knows those laws already exist because tim walz said there's no right to free speech when it comes to hate speech and misinformation which ironically is misinformation. there absolutely is. hate speech is free speech. and also i don't know what rock she's living under if the complaint that you have is that there's not enough coverage about trump being bad. the media is not anti-trump enough? i mean i've seen a lot of bad out of touch takes. that is just so -- that is just -- how good you possibly think that? what exactly are you watching? >> greg: where is she. >> that's what i want to know. >> greg: issue watching nothing but the hallmark channel? >> answer, jamie!

>> first of all there's nothing wrong with the hallmark channel. >> it's the only channel in the world were you can find attractive 40 -year-olds. >> greg: wow. >> that's not true. there are attractive 40 -year-olds everywhere. >> if you watch the hallmark movies like i do, you know that for some reason every woman in the town is 40 years old with a lot of makeup and works in a coffee shop and gave a huge job in the city. >> greg: that's true. >> yeah, yeah! >> i know but for some reason -- the only thing wrong with the man in the city is that he has to work sometimes. >> yeah, yeah. >> greg: >> he and i were working on a special, we were going to be two detectives in hallmark land. faster than the speed of bullets >> greg: that's nice. i don't know where this topic came from.

>> we were talking about hillary catches got four memoirs and everyone of them is frustrating because none of them end with her being president. >> greg: yes, exactly! that's why she has to keep writing them! >> no, i'm still mad about the hallmark thing. >> greg: all right, you know it's interesting, jamie. not you. she said that you should take whatever trump says literally. not figuratively but literally. so when he says i will be a dictator from day one, he's going to be dictator! she's telling people to be crazy >> what's infuriating is that any human being knows he's mostly joking with all the things they tell us to take literally. this upsets me. i love her in those frog and toad books growing up pitches very upset. i have some more questions, you guys have written a lot of

books. first of all the memoir is called something lost and something gained, which is so weird, that's the exact same name of chris christie's memoir. it was called something lost and something gained, the story of my job and 50 pounds. can i ask a real question though? she wrote that last memoir and it's only been a little while and then there's another one. but i don't think she did anything. >> greg: i know. >> so what's the new memoir about? just like hey, writing the memoir. the end is like i finish the memoir. i'm just saying, like, theirs not enough. if i'm gonna write a memoir i'm going to wait until all of my money is gone. i will come out with it next week. >> greg: all right. up next, a bomb threat fraud that came from abroad. [ cheering and applause ]

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>> i had a hard time understanding this one. i've seen no evidence that there are people actually eating cats or dogs or whatever, but let's say that you did believe that, this is what they were arguing, that republicans believe that this was happening, therefore they are calling in about bombing schools and places of work. wouldn't that just leave more pets without owners? and therefore -- thereby more vulnerable to being eaten. >> i see where you are going with this. >> it never made sense. i really had a hard time drawing how this was being blamed on republicans. i really had a hard time. i had to read several articles and i'm still not sure i really get it. >> i agree. i was confused too. we homeschool our kids so we don't need to call the schools. they are always blaming it on the dumbest [ bleep ] but i think you are onto something. that on threat was to get

everybody to leave fluffy at home. we all go to the school to see what's going on in someone's like hey man, where's fido? >> greg: has there ever been an instance that you can recall where someone called in a bomb threat and it was real? like i don't think that's ever happened, except maybe in the movies, speed two, or was it speed one? >> when we were growing up it's a thing someone would do on a friday to get everyone out of school. >> greg: exactly! i remember thinking so the flight doesn't leave. >> i feel like if you wanted to bomb a building, your number 1 priority would be not letting them know. >> i think that would be a big -- >> greg: jamie, have you ever called in a bomb threat? your whole life has been a bomb. >> yeah, yeah, i call every comedy club before i come. we never know what's going to

happen. i swear i thought that bomb think -- i've been thinking about it all day. i was like are people who plant bombs, are they just bad at keeping secrets? like i've been plotting it for months. there's a bomb. shoot, i did it again! >> watch too much tv. >> i've seen a lot of stuff on twitter. it's just rumor i heard they are eating cats and dogs. i was really upset there might be dogs involved. [ laughter ] >> i didn't care about the cats. wouldn't suck to be an animal the day you realize you are a delicious one. like oh [ bleep ]. i think that's why pigs roll around him [ bleep ]. they are so delicious. >> greg: you know what, it's the one thing that makes me feel bad, because i love pork and pigs are so cute when they are little and they are supposed to be really smart. if i think about it too much --

>> they are smart, hence rolling in [ bleep ]. at least you don't like real. >> greg: i don't. >> you can tell if someone is going to try to do something with a pet because their commands are like goalie down and barbecue sauce. sit down and beg for your life, stuff like that. they changed the no kill shelter to a no grill shelter. >> greg: i should cut him off now. you know that media basically fell for another hoax but they are acting as usual like it never happened, they will continue to blame these bomb threats on vance's payment yes, they are going to blame it on republicans but this is something everybody should start being very aware of. the international attempts to interfere in some way in the united states at this point.

i was on a different network recently and they were asking me. >> greg: how dare you. >> i know, i did not say which one. they asked me about those republican influencers and how they got caught up in russia and they are like isn't this a problem for republicans? i went didn't cathy hochul just have a chinese communist party spy working in the highest levels of government for 15 years? now we are seeing that they are doing this -- that this could possibly be what's happening in ohio as well. it is pervasive in the united states and people need to open their eyes now and pay attention because there will be false things that will happen, for an interference in the election, pay attention to make sure you have your plan to vote because the best way to make sure they don't interfere in the election is to make sure you are ready to vote in the election. [ applause ] >> that is so typical of a network. that's why i never do foxbusiness, never. >> greg: all right, we have to

move on. coming out, a shocker from a nineties rocker. >> announcer: if you will be in the new york area alike tickets to see "gutfeld!" , go to foxnews.com/gutfeld and click on the link to join our studio audience. so you can keep saying... you mastered it! you fixed it! you nailed it! you did it! with centrum silver. clinically proven to support memory in older adults. what do people want more of? more “oh yeah!” more laughs. more hang outs. more “mmmmm, so good!” yeah, give us more of all of that little stuff that makes life so great. but if you're older or

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we've got another clip for you, it's video of the day part two. [ cheering and applause ] >> greg: he put the dick in jane's addiction. what? are video comes from the band james addiction from there reunion tour. watch. [♪♪]

>> stop, stop! stop! >> greg: just falls apart before your eyes. apparently he was upset his bandmates were playing too loud and even worse they were playing songs by jane's addiction. should i just stop there? no. since released a statement apologizing and taking full responsibility for the incident but it did not stop the rest of the banned from quitting the tour. neither rocker was hurt but the 65-year-old was treated for shingles. he's been put on an iv, balance of nature. >> there goes my joke. >> greg: so that thing i always love about bands one something goes wrong is that use the phrase, you know, mental health or exhaustion. >> right because just saying someone is being a asshole isn't descriptive enough.

there was a lot of whatnots in this thing because there were both sides of it. one side, his side was that they were playing too loud and he had a sore throat, it was hurting his voice. but when you watch it, he's in an argument with the entire front row while they are playing it did not really start there and i guess his voice is getting -- seems to be a problem with these older rock bands. what was mick jagger and everyone else taking because this new genre of older guys like motley crew, the lead singer when he sings it's like gibberish. >> greg: i think it's something called drugs. >> or is it not doing drugs anymore? >> greg: maybe, but perry was definitely on something, big bottles of whine. that's the problem with me being a star. it's good your remain obscure, jamie. because if you happen to embarrass or bottom out it's not going to be in public. if that was just in a bar maybe 20 people would have seen him,

would have ended up on maybe surveillance video on instagram. but here it's on a highly rated show called "gutfeld!". >> good point. this happens to me every week and no one nose. it's more complicated with me because people are like we can't ask for our money back because the tickets were free. is there any way you could refund us our time? [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> you bring up a good point though, which is that we want our rock stars to drink and do drugs but not that much. where they can't perform. you want them to be crazy but then like what are you doing? people sent shots to the stage for me to drink and i'm like the reason you like me is because i did not drink those. you are offering me something that will make me worse at something you like me for. like your favorite guitar player , like can i smash her banker with a hammer.

it's not good. jane's addiction were one of my favorite bands. if they'd gotten in a fight i would've been psyched to leave early at my age. >> greg: into traffic. >> when somebody goes you want to go to a concert ago what if we just play the cd and you spill beer on me. >> the best part is you said play the cd. >> did i? oh, god. >> greg: that's funny. you are old. erin. you are good at spinning. is this ban done, and they get themselves out of this? >> the band can definitely get themselves out of it. bands are always big emotion and big feelings and all these really hard core rock stars are just feeling themselves. it's all just a motion on the stage so yeah, of cooler heads prevail and of people need to get help, hopefully they can do that and the band can come back when everybody's feeling better. i don't know jane's addiction. the only reason i know any of

them is because dave navarro used to be married to carmen electra and they had a reality show essentially the precursor to jessica cyst -- jessica simpson's newlyweds. >> greg: how long was that on? >> a season are swat -- so. that marriage did not last. rockstar emotion thing. >> greg: so perry apologized but they canceled their future gigs. is there any hope for this ban? >> i feel like it's rough. they must have lost out on a lot of money. they broke up for a while but then the money was too good and they got back together. he just could not hold it together. you don't have to like each other, you have to pretend to like each other for a couple of hours but he could not even do that. i think the reason they were playing loud is from what i heard he was drunkenly rambling a lot of the shows. i don't know if he was drunk or what part rambling. do not be able to pretend to get along with that much money on the line, it's like man.

>> greg: it's -- >> ego and substances. >> greg: the lead singer usually has the most money so he did not need it as badly as needed. it's like a lot of these guys depend on the lead singer. if he doesn't show up you don't have a show and he's worth tons of money with lollapalooza. >> when the lead singer says i'm gonna go solo do you think starts crying? >> greg: yes. >> just like getting divorced. >> that does sound bad. >> greg: up next, stern used to be famous now he's talking out of his anus.

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[♪♪] >> announcer: five more words. >> greg: howard stern is still alive. >> i don't agree with trump politically, i don't think he should be anywhere near the white house. i don't hate the guy. i hate the people who vote for him, i think they are stupid. i have no respect for you. >> greg: i bet the people booing probably listens to howard stern back in the day. no?

well i did. jamie, it seems like he doesn't like trump because he's divisive but then he says he hates his supporters, which is kind of divisive. >> bizarre. everyone he talks to -- i talked to says i used to listen to howard stern. in order to listen to this interview i had to buy a new toyota. it came with a free trial. i think it's funny though he's like you trump voters better stop listening. sirius xm is excited because people will have to sign up for the service and will have to start listening to stop listening. >> greg: he already got paid. it's kind of like the lead singer thing. he's getting paid no matter what. but i don't know, it's like he doesn't like his past. he's got new friends, kat. >> it's really sad and pathetic though, is in it? he used to be this anti-the system type of dude and what

that is is just being victim to the munich be elation of the system. -- manipulation -- but that's what happens. he's been too scared to leave his house since covid. one person was like, he has been that's what happens. he doesn't get to know people, he's so wrong. that attitude is what's wrong with this country more than any single politician. >> greg: yeah. what do you say, erin? >> i mean he says it like trump supporters should listen to him but the good news is i never have. i've got that going for me. i grew up in the nineties. i was never a howard stern fan because i was so young. this is a man who professionally put his butt cheeks on tv. >> greg: but he used to be like trump. he used to be the guy who had no

filter. >> it's always good when someone on the moral high ground on howard stern's passing judgement. he's mad because he's not as popular as trump. it's funny because if you look at his life, the things he's done, he should have been the first [ bleep ] person canceled. how many people did he exploit? he did not leave his house because of covid, but because of all the people he owes money to, all the people he screwed over. let's talk about how he treated women on the show. tricking them into thinking they would get deals, making them stuff hotdogs down their throats and do all the stuff that we are supposed to be against. he has the unmitigated gall to talk about anybody. >> greg: and that's why -- >> that's why he's doing it. >> greg: like all the stuff with jimmy kimmel, he did black face and now he's doing penance. >> yes.

we solve stuff here. >> greg: we are like the murder she wrote of talkshows. don't go away, we will be right back.

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