♪ ♪ >> sean: unfortunately that is all the time we have left this evening, friday night. as always, thank you for being with us in making the show possible, set your dvr so you never ever miss an episode of hannity. for news any time, every time, all the time, foxnews.com, hannity.com, but in the meantime let not your heart be troubled, greg gutfeld is standing by to put a smile on your face, have a great weekend. ♪ ♪ [cheering and applause]

[cheering and applause] [cheering and applause] >> greg: i understand. it's friday so you know what that means, let's welcome tonight's guest. he is an outspoken guest with unimpeccable chest. the trump transition team cochair, robert f. kennedy jr.! [cheering and applause] she makes moonshine and host the bottom line, our business anchor [cheering and applause] this man is iconic and his legs are bionic, fox news contributor, johnny joey! and finally, he makes tough guys shiver and old ladies quiver. "new york times" best-selling author, tyrus!

well, i'm done. before we get to some new stories, let's do this. >> announcer: greg's leftovers! >> greg: here rego. its leftovers were read the jokes we did not use this week and as always, it's my first time reading them. so if we suck, will make joe listen to every speech made by kamala harris. the ladies of the view said they will not dress up for halloween this year because it is too close to election day. and because wearing scary masks would be redundant. also, joy already ate all of the pumpkins. so what did the view go as last year? i think we have a picture. [laughter] terrible! democrat political strata list said that if donald trump wins, trump will start rounding up young black men.

who knew trump was a kardashian. [applause] >> greg: thank you! [cheering and applause] president biden is in berlin for talks with german leaders on ukraine. he said his first priority is to meet with this guy. [laughter] a dangerous venezuelan gang has now taken over at least four apartment complexes in san antonio. residents say the constant gunfire is offset by the free landscaping. can't tell if it's racist, can you? earlier this week, hillary clinton said donald trump is unqualified to be president because he is increasingly unstable. she would have said more but she had to get back to planning her next murder. [cheering and applause] during a campaign stop this

weekend, donald trump is expected to work the friar at a pennsylvania mcdonald's. which means it is a change of pace, your. [ bagpipes playing ] will now come with a stray orange hair. terrible. a woman was caught trying to sneak a sword through security at laguardia airport. she told officials she needed it to commit suicide and case the in-flight movie was joker to. bath & body works apologizes for the kkk looking candles. it didn't help that the scent was of freshly picked cotton. nancy pelosi says joe biden has not talked to her since he dropped out of the race. to be fair, he now communicates through a series of blanks. a man lived 78 years, unaware that he had three.

that must have been some beer belly. it's, okay,, you don't have to clap. a new study reveals that jens the would rather be models than doctors. makes sense, if you're a doctor you have to put a finger in people's bots. if your model, you just have to put a finger down your throat. terrible! terrible... al pacino says there are advantages to being a new dad at the age of 84. for one, the family saves money buying diapers and bulk. and finally, to break the guinness world record for the largest pair of jeans, a chinese company assembled a pair with a 190-foot waste line. needless to say, they are calling design, the kristi. let's do a monologue.

a new poll shows how supporting donald trump hurts your chances in the dating scene. 43% of people between the ages of 18 and 34 said they would have a more negative view of a date if they voted for trump. on the flip side, only 19% would view a date more negatively if they voted for kamala harris. which means that the right is more tolerant than the left. or that we will bang anything, even stupid checks. now i am no expert in dating, i haven't been on a date since women started having male. but the bigger picture is how people now attach moral judgement to pollute alliances which only seems to go one way. no one ever morally condemns the liberal aunt at thanksgiving, it is only the conservative uncle. and this trend is everywhere. not just the dating pool, take a look at our schools. a california teacher allegedly held a mock election and

rewarded harris supporters, kids with a pizza party. lives of tick-tock obtained a phone call between a concerned parent and the educator, take a listen. >> you told the class that whoever votes for kamala harris will get a pizza party but those who don't will not be included in the pizza party. >> for harris? >> yes. >> only one period, there is five. had a majority for harris. and i said to follow that, the democrats are more for free medical care, more services. i said i would be willing to buy pizza for the class. >> so the other class, because they did not vote for kamala harris, they will not get pizza? >> yeah. they just do with the

conservatives to which is pay for yourself. >> greg: amazing! so there is a pizza party just for the kamala kids while the trump brats must be punished for holding a different belief. it is ostracizing. but you probably felt it yourself once or twice. i know i have. in the old days when i was vehemently anti-trump, i had lots of famous and not so famous friends. then when i changed, many of them change, to. they dropped me like a hot potato. or in my case, a gorgeous small fry. now think about trump's merry band of motley supporters. unapologetic, freethinkers like rfk jr., elon musk, tulsi gabbard. and then think of all the people they upset by not taking the easy road and supporting kamala harris. but instead backing trump. did they lose friends, upset family? of course. now i often heard gutfeld his change, is not the same guy from

the redeye days. duck, people change and they should. especially when given new information. i would hate to be the person whose ego keeps him trapped in old, defeating ways because they cannot admit they are wrong. that only makes you bitter and resentful. and if you are one of those people who expects others to stay the same to pleas her own assumptions, it says more about you than us. something is missing in your life and it is bigger than politics. which is why we can all take a lesson from trump's pirate ship of supporters. rfk, elon and the tulsi gabbard's of the world. they are all vastly different, all previously holding antithetical opinions of trump and yet unafraid to adjust their thinking and forge their own, independent path despite what others may think. it is not easy, certainly not as easy as just avoiding the resentment of others. we always talk about people having f you money. being rich enough you can say whatever you want.

maybe it's better to have few friends. being loved and respected enough by so many real friends that you can shed the people who dump you over politics. in time, they will find out that they need you more than you need them. [applause] >> announcer: period! [cheering and applause] >> greg: thank you. what can i call you? rfk jr.? >> or bobby. >> greg: i like bobby. seems like we are old friends. bobby, let's go out back and wrestle that cow. all right! this topic, i like this topic because i feel like you know this. you probably experience conflicts and fissures from family and from friends, right? >> yes. >> greg: care to share any specifics? >> i was interested in this because of the observation you made about -- that it's kind of

a paradox that democrats see themselves as the party of tolerance. and there is intolerance, there is vitriol, there is poison and anger on both sides. but i have found that the democrats are much less tolerant of somebody holding different political beliefs. there is that tribalism in the orthodoxy that is much more insidious in the democratic party. and it is disturbing to me because i think the polarization is the worst thing for our country. and we have huge problems in this country but are also very resilient but we will never solve them if we are not able to come together. and i think that the democrats are tend to be much more intolerant than republicans on these issues. that is my personal observation. and it is interesting to see

that validated by that pole. >> greg: i have noticed it all my life as a lefty and then a righty and then a nothing. i do think that for some reason, liberal politics are tied more to the ego then may be republican politics because republicans put their politics in a box. you have family, you have jobs, sports, recreation. but for democrats, politics as part of your identity. maybe that is what it is, i don't know, that's my thought. >> there is also -- the people these days who tend to be republican or conservative are much more inclined to critical thinking. and i think that used to be the purview of the democratic party but you had said before that we left the democratic party, that elon musk, myself and kelsey, will feel like the democratic party left us. a party that robert kennedy and john f. kennedy doesn't exist anymore.

that was a party that was antiwar, the party that was against censorship and it was the party that opposed the corporate takeover of our government. today the democratic party is the party of war, it is the party of censorship, it is the party of wall street, big pharma, big tech, big data, big banking and the military-industrial complex. >> greg: and big bucks because of the diet. [laughter] it's true! big food! >> all big are not a bad thing. because people who don't skip leg days... [laughter] >> greg: i'm going to flip the roles. would you date a man -- sorry. >> greg: he. >> he never skips leg day, he doesn't have any. >> greg: terrible, absolutely terrible. would you date a man or even a woman, you never know, who supported kamala harris?

>> no. but let me flip that. if a man can avoid dating or shacking up with a kamala kind of girl, that's a blessing from on high. like a kamala kind of girl versus celibacy or self-love, you have to choose the self-love and the celibacy all day long. and i'm talking about a type of person. the type of person when do the ones to introduce the kamala kind of girl to his parents for the very first time. and she shows up half an hour late for church. and you say, your half an hour late for church, we have to sit in the balcony now and she says, i twisted my ankle on the way here, i should be in the emergency room, why aren't you worried about me? or, who gave you permission to

go to the game with your buddies? i don't remember giving you permission to go to the bengals game with your buddies. what woman did you talk to who gave you permission to go to the bengals game with your buddies? we were going to go bath mat shopping on sunday. that is the kamala kind of girl. so if she runs for the hills, kiss the ground that she left in her wake. >> greg: zoe? -- joey? what you make of that california teacher? those kids, that was pretty amazing. >> i kind of agreed with her when she tied a bow on it. they can do with conservatives can do and pay for themselves, amen. this is what happens, all the kids that make straight as, they come in and they will pay for it for the kids that don't show up to class so that they can have pizza, right? that's a liberal way of doing things of the democrat way of doing things. what i love about your monologue is you had the idea of f you money. and when you grow up in the 1966 singles, that money is pretty low and i've been there, i

joined the marine corps and i was there. i got food, we are good. so for me, i hunt, i enjoy it, i shoot guns, i own plenty of them, i owned some land and raise my kids, i love my family and i don't believe because i got blown up somewhere, that my responsibility to my community, my responsibility to contribute is less than what i am owed as this victim that i could have been. if that makes me a conservative instead of liberal, of it makes me republicans have democrat, those words don't matter to me. those are things i lived and believe in. but if you don't like me because of that, then yes back to dollars in my pocket is that f you money. [applause] >> greg: tyrus? you've been around, so to speak. any dating advice for the modern male who isn't woke? >> wait to see what the ufos are bringing.

that might be something new. maybe something more understanding. because i will never disagree with the great dagen mcdowell but some of those behaviours she described i have been experiencing myself and it is more conservative than i am. it kind of goes around. but we are missing the most beautiful thing of your monologue. was that the teacher had to reluctantly say fine, the class that voted for trump one. my beard is safe! [cheering and applause] i guarantee you that those kids that voted for trump also when they said, pizza party, probably voted for trump so they wouldn't get the pizza party because they know pizza is bad for them. they probably have their meal prep from their power conservative mom and they were not going to come home with the

dairy and stuff in their stomachs. so let the little -- and i guarantee you the little chubby guys are not going to reassess our voting for kamala, let them have their pizza party and they can't escape from the in shape conservative bullies chasing them now. [cheering and applause] >> greg: don't bully! do not condone bullying. unless they are really annoying kids. up next, why trump is the winner at the ella smith dinner. [cheering and applause] patients who have sensitive teeth but also want whiter teeth, they have to make a choice- one versus the other. new sensodyne clinical white, it provides 2 shades whiter teeth as well as providing 24/7 sensitivity protection. patients are going to love to see sensodyne on the shelf.

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>> greg: trump has the quips at the dinner call kamala skips. this comes to us from the al smith dinner, a fund-raiser for catholic charities here in new york. is starkly present candidates 10 together setting aside differences for a good cause and the chance to roast each other and trump did not hold back. rolled it. >> chuck schumer is here looking very glum. doesn't he look glum? he looks glum. but look on the bright side, considering how woke your party has become, if kamala loses, you still have a chance to become the first woman president. there's a group called white dudes for harris, have you seen this? i'm not worried about them at all because their wives and their wives lovers are all voting for me. the bigger issue in this race is child care and kamala has put forward a concept or a plan that a lot of people don't like. the only piece of advice i would have for her in the event that she wins is to be not letting

her husband anywhere near the nannies. just keep him away. i used to think that democrats were crazy for saying that men have periods. but them -- then i met tim walz. but i have to wrap up because they told me earlier that i needed to make this one very quick, especially as the city has reserved this room for a large group of illegal aliens coming in from texas. >> greg: but much like jesse watters, when the bill comes, kamala was a no-show. the first nominee to bail since 84 and if you can't remember the candidate and 84, that his wife. she chose to play cringeworthy pretaped skit. >> the al smith dinner provides a rare opportunity to set aside partisanship, who is that? >> i'm sorry. >> it is a very important dinner and it is an important tradition that i'm so proud to be a part

of. >> sometimes when i get nervous i stick my fingers under my arms and i sniff them like that. >> i'm giving a speech, you have thoughts on what i will say tonight? >> it's time for a woman, bro! to forget say superstar! >> thank you mary catherine. >> thank you momala. >> greg: that was timely. does anyone born after 1980 know what the hell that was? but surprisingly, the mc of the evening who also plays tim walz on "snl" did not let them off the hook. >> president biden could not be here tonight. the dnc made sure of that. this event has been referred to as the catholic met gala. 22% of americans identify as catholic. catholics will be a key demographic in every battleground state. i'm sorry, why is vice president harris not here? the democrats have been telling us trump's reelection as a

threat to democracy. in fact,, they were so concerned of this threat that they staged a coup. ousted their democratically elected incumbent and installed kamala harris. in other words, all her dreams have come true. >> greg: ouch! hurts more than my hemorrhoids. so, bobby, you were there last night and i wanted to ask you, because we were talking about this earlier, this divisiveness, this thick cloud of divisiveness and yet you see chuck schumer playfully engaging trump and it kind of bothers me because it is like, publicly they say trump is satan and then they are like shaking hands and having comfortable conversation. is schumer aware of the damage that his demonization is having

when it is -- especially when it is not true? >> i didn't see -- from my perspective i could not see schumer enjoying any part of it. [laughter] he did look glum throughout. and one of the really interesting phenomena about what has happened since covid is that it used to be that comity was the purview of the left. and that republicans were kind of, at that time, spouting corporate and orthodoxies. you can't be funny when you do that. and then all of the funniest people on the left became not funny. stephen colbert, "you. >> of of the funniest people in the world, you cannot watch him anymore. and all of the comedy is now happening on the right. and even when i didn't like

trump, called him a propagandist and all of the things about him that are, let's say, unconventional, i always said he is the most entertaining politician that we have had in my lifetime. he has great comedic timing and she showed that last night. he was really funny last night, really droll. and yet it was generally a hostile crowd and he got universal laughter on a lot of those jokes. and you don't see that on the left anymore. >> greg: know you don't. tyrus, was it a good idea for kamala? it's funny, she did say in her video that it's important to come together and then she didn't show up. >> again, this isn't like we haven't seen her in public settings. and i'm pretty sure when her team found out that there was no

teleprompter, there was going to be no kamala. she doesn't do well in those settings. we haven't figured out what interview setting she does well yet but we are pretty sure -- [applause] we are pretty sure getting up there in front of people and telling jokes -- here's the difference. trump said some ones that weren't so great because he unfortunately did not have time to prep because somebody made him late. high. but he went and did it anyway. and even when they were bad, one of the funniest parts of the whole thing was, this one's terrible. i should have read this one through. he was not afraid to make fun of himself. and eclipse there, there was a lot of tough jokes and the comedians were throwing real shots at him. but every time they did, he smiled, he acknowledged it, he laughed and took it on and he was gracious. that would not have happened on the other side. who gets mad at bret baier?

no one gets mad at bret baier. and when she was screaming at him, what was she going to do when he said that? we would have seen a reaction that would not have been good for her so she thought not showing up was the best move? which let everyone know exactly where their campaign is that right now. >> greg: joey gaffigan mentioning the coup. it's like that seems like a right wing talking point but he is not a right winger, he is a democrat. >> i think he brought something in there. he is not happy about how that went out. that's how it came across to me. it was less comedy than some of the things that trump was saying. and props to him for giving everyone that might tune in, something that they could watch and not need to turn away from. i can't tune into -- i don't get overly upset about what artists think and what celebrities want. that doesn't stop me from enjoying their art when they are good, actors and singers. but i cannot tune into the golden globes or oscars or anything like that because they're not telling me trump is

bad, "tellin