♪ ♪ >> sean: unfortunately that is all the time they have left this evening thank you for making the show possible. please set your dvr so you never missed an episode of "hannity" and i have good news. let not your heart be troubled. greg gutfeld a standby to put a smile on your face. have a great night.

[applause] >> greg: i put the man in mandate. happy thursday, everyone, president biden addressed the nation today at 11:00 a.m. eastern or as he calls it by the time. it was promised a peaceful transfer of power from donald trump to barack obama. biden congratulated trump on his when, thanked kamala for her service and announced his plans to run in 2028. meanwhile, kamala gave her concession speech yesterday, a

squirrel ran across the stage moments before. they thought it was eating garbage but turns out it was just nancy pelosi. [applause] on msnbc this morning joe scarborough seemed shocked when he learned the actual price of butter. but don't blame him, mika only uses margarine on her fist. i'm so glad you knew what i was going with their, you know? yesterday jimmy kimmel got teary over the election results. true, kimmel will never get to have his abortion besides the one that airs five nights a

week. distraught celebrities like cher, and bruce springsteen are threatening to leave the united states, even worse, robert de niro is threatening to stay. fans are suggesting that cher moved to afghanistan where she would benefit from being forced to cover her face. they were mean to us first. >> vote hitler. >> greg: they call us hitler and all bets are off. earlier the rockefeller center christmas tree was cut down and massachusetts, it will be hoisted into place you think the same train they used to get troy of heart out of her limo. a hotel in the philippines received a guinness world record for a 100-foot tall building

shaped like a route. it is the first time asians have been recognized for having a giant cock. that is another word for rooster. not penis. so a republican has won an election. and you know what that means, jimmy carter has to stay alive for four more years. it is also time for liberals to tell themselves that are still right about everything and their hysteria and delusions of persecution are perfectly normal. yet right now they are melting like that stick of butter that joy of a heart keeps between her thighs to prevent chafing. case in point, last night all the other late-night hosts through a history fit. to brad tim walz is still grieving over a sock of industrial strength tampons. pour jimmy, true it was a

terrible night for women, children, on the thousands of hardworking immigrants who cut his lawn. >> and terrible night for women, for children for the hundreds of thousands of hardworking immigrants who make this country go. for health care! for journalism, for justice, for the middle class, for seniors, with allies in ukraine, for nato and democracy and decency and it was a terrible night for everybody who voted against him, a bad night for everybody about him for him as well you just don't realize it yet. >> greg: you know what? if i ever cry on tv it will be because maroon 5 put out a new song. but that is it.

remember when johnny carson cried to? like a baby over ronald reagan getting elected? his wife did not keep his balls and a tupperware container next to a box of tofu burgers. but the killer phrased with at the end when kimball said -- kimmel said you just don't realize it because you see he is smarter than you and he needs you to realize that and his ego can't bear that there is somebody out there more famous and influential than him. i have news for you, kimmel, the last time you mattered... still had a penis. love you, bruce. jimmy's career peaked with busty girls on trampolines. he wants cohosted the man show now he is sobbing like he is

three days into his menstrual cycle. here is another morose millionaire. >> hey, there, how are you doing. if you watch the show regularly i'm guessing you were not doing great. >> greg: you were not doing great? you are totally rich and immune from what you pushed on everybody else. by the way, i am fine, stephen, other than the 48 our erection i have had since they called pennsylvania. >> see a doctor about that. >> greg: oh, it is painful. jimmy, can you get over yourself. you have been talking about trump for eight years and now he is back in power. after being wrong for eight years you might try something new like comedy? but at least seth meyers

revealed the source of his anguish. trump has it, he does not. >> we live in an infinite time work where donald trump has been and will always be the centre of the universe. all hail the benevolent and supreme leader. >> greg: how about you do your dumb little comedy show and stop acting like you try to save the world but we were too ungrateful to listen to your brilliance? wacky hijinks until seth turned it into an hour with your gay therapist. so these fellows are experiencing deep mental pain. now journalists are offering tips to deal with their disappointment, frustration even fear, i get that that is normal after any loss. i'm still sad about losing world's sexiest man to johnny depp. but why would people feel fear? maybe because they are only new sources -- news sources

constantly telling them trump will turn america into nazi germany. but you know who filled actual fear during the administration? people who ride the subway, or buy groceries, or anybody who wants to bank check who does not have testicles. >> that is a lot of people. >> greg: even kamala admits everything is going to be fine. so much for trumping hitler. still cbs it gave handy tips for coping with loss, c an end recommend steep price, long walks, and please do not suppress your emotions. usually when they cry there's much they are sharing an elevator with brian stelter on taco tuesday. and so the media is giving you solutions to the problems they cost.

after generating all the anxiety by promising the apocalypse if trump one. they bang the drum on it enough and then kids come down with stress. they pretend to cure a disease they worked up and their own labs. look at kimmel and colbert they are [bleep] racks because they believe the media. and we were not brainwashed. we know the media's job is to lie, to create anxiety in proportion to the actual threat or no threat at all. journalists only need to give you one tip to manage stress and that is stop paying attention to journalists. maybe these late-night losers will stop thinking that the world is ending because we know under trump it is really just beginning. let's welcome tonight's guests! he is like joe biden and that women tried to steal his house

as well. actor, writer, comedian jamie lissow! he got kicked out of the band for taking a stand, musician winston marshall! and when her water breaks it will be pulling springs, "new york times" vessel mcarthur fox news contributor kat timpf! he is so big he gets his own electoral vote, "new york times" vessel he got there and comedian tyrus! jamie, you often are depressed, miserable, lonely, suicidal, you generally think there is no hope for you. so you might be the perfect person to come to for advice for these people who are currently looking for help. how do you get out of bed every day knowing that everything is worthless? >> this makes it harder. i have an opinion on to joke

unless nobody laughs in which case i have two opinions. you pointed it out, kimmel thinks he is smarter than everyone. that is exactly what he said and just to be full of transparency when he was crying they have just shown him his ratings. and so it was not necessarily all about that. a little bit one-sided i felt so much better with all things that you described. you know what cured them? tuesday night. tuesday night cured them. they came out with they said how to cope with the loss. what about us? how to cope with the wind? what about us? do they say deep breathing? they say, have you ever named your feelings? i made the mistake when i did it while i was talking with my ex-wife. especially when you are alone you are like bitter [bleep] the trail!

and deep breaths which i do all the time, in through the nose, out through the mouth. it works a little bit better if you have cocaine in your nose. >> he is really fun at parties. >> greg: yes. winston, what is your perspective on all of this as a brit? you have been smiling since you got here. >> i have to say i know americans do not like foreigners like me looking at their business but i have to say that your president is our dictator. so it is quite important to us. when it comes to kimmel it has already begun. not only did he take the white house to the senate but now we get to enjoy all of these talks and the floods of tears.

>> greg: they should be giving us coping tips to deal with them. it is like how do you deal with people around you falling apart. you know like some of that what is that called? >> empathy? >> greg: empathy. >> it is hard to win. >> greg: it really is hard to win when you have so many losers around you. the kat, i know that you, with the party, don't you feel like there has been a weight lifted from you. it does feel, having a definitive election and getting, i was like, i was almost flying to work. i would say flying down sixth avenue. >> i am glad it is over. i'm glad it was definitive. i do not get any joy in seeing other people suffer unless they are my ex. >> greg: what did you make of the late-night people? >> i think with people who are liberal specifically i'm somebody who always thinks there

was too much focus on the people specifically people who are in power and the focus on the amount of power those positions have. when i have never been able to understand is how these people are melting down so emotionally about how this elected official might impact their lives but they are the same ones who are arguing for government to have more of an impact on their life. that is the connection between the things that is why i am somebody who was for small government in my perfect world it would hardly matter who is in the presidency because they would not be so involved in our lives. but these people who are crying because of who was just elected their whole philosophy is that we need more government to affect more things for our lives -- lives. i don't see how you could have that emotional reaction and not challenge, perhaps, the logical conclusions. >> greg: it makes perfect sense. and originally, you can applaud me, it is the reason why republicans tend to be the better choice because they are

for smaller government, limited government. >> not as much as me. >> greg: you wanted to not exist and you want to live on a tidy little island. >> she sees one government crossing guard and she goes... >> greg: how did you feel watching kimmel cry? [applause] >> one of his tears fell, hold on. it is funny how this derangement is working because it only seems to work if you have a camera in front of you. i expected to walk into work stepping over crying to your credit. excuse me, and tear, but everybody went back to their lives. so the only way this heartbreak works is if you film it or force somebody else to film it. but to your point, about carson,

we never knew his political affiliation because he was there to make everybody laugh, all of the late-night shows. all three of them should be fired. because it was such a big murderous election on one side that it should have been a reset. because when it happened in 20 he lost. biden got in i do not remember us doing an episode on coping skills. there was no line in the audience where i was like thank you for coming. just keep going and believe we made fun of the situation. so i always tell people try to be the bigger man. >> greg: impossible. >> in this case because this is coming from tv normally i would say you can have one laugh and spell your flowers but go ahead and take four. because there is nobody going up

that is wrong. you have to be on instagram or tiktok to feel the outrage. it is the same thing shame on them. just do your [bleep] jobs. i know it is hard to do but do your jobs. you know what jimmy? keep doing what you were doing because i love being number 1. >> greg: let's move onto the next segment, shall we? >> yes, greg. up next, and thenf ge helps create a future whereh america is greatpe. with nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory medicine directly at the source. voltaren, the joy of movement. at harbor freight, we do business differently from the other guys. we design and test our own tools and sell them directly to you. no middleman. just quality tools you can trust at prices you'll love.

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♪ ♪ >> a story in five words. >> greg: young men voted for trump. this is a great story, winston, young men shifted nearly 30

points to the right since 2020. analysts says it is because masculine cultural figures appeal to generation z guys, my theory is that they like real dudes and there were no real dudes on the other side. you are a young man what is your analysis? >> this is happening across the world not just america it happened in my country, england, with the elections women are going left men are going right. it is not really a surprise for the last 10 years they have told us a patriarchy, toxic masculinity, that even in the kamala campaign they were actively denigrating command. dana at the dnc was saying we need to learn to... men. on the other side you have elon parallel parking a 40-foot story rocket. i want to be on that team.

it gets better still, women, it turns out women want actual and then as well women like real men. >> greg: to that point, kat. young women also shifted to the right by 14 percentage points that is almost 15. but more than 13, but not 15. 14. >> okay. kamala, i feel like kamala could have said something nice about dudes. at some point i was looking at her twitter or whatever it is called and i search the word men and she had some things like this is for latino men, this is for black men, it was still very much through the lens of race. as you point out all the men surrounding her were like listen, first of all i'm sorry that i am a dude that is "the

five" they brought to the function. i think there was so much of that. you are inherently bad because you are a man then where were you supposed two from there? >> greg: exactly. >> i think trump combined with the fact he was being told he was evil he was this, he was that, you see him joking around on somebody's podcast which men watch for fun, that really put that picture at odds and made it harder for them to do that. >> greg: he also went on garth show for an hour. >> he did our show, he was on andrew schultz, he went one votr trump instead of kamala because kamala would not do joe rogan. >> greg: tyrus, we kept hearing about the bros for it kamala. like you said they were on instagram and x. >> that should let you further know they were not hoes they were hoes for kamala.

no man says had breakfast feeling great ready two out, take four deep breaths, and then with kamala never [bleep]. you know, president trump is a dude he is one of the boys as we would say and rustling. when i did my sit down with him the interview was over and we were talking about boxing and football and guy stuff and it came out to the point where they were like mr. president you have a really important dinner two to. he was like but i'm talking to my bro. i was like appreciate you but you should go to that catholic dinner. it is all messed up because he was hanging out with me. i don't want to tell you why because he stayed for one extra beer with the bros. and we respect that. you tell us we are wrong, you open the door, how dare you, a guy trying to attack you in some way he is just as bad.

nobody is voting for that. and women want men to be men. they have girlfriends they do not need the men to come in like i sat in on one tupperware party once. [laughter] >> when my turn i was like it is a [bleep] bowl. what is it? and then i broke my own neck and got out of there. so it was not then, it was not women, it was not gay, straight, it was everybody. everybody was in the room, jamie, i'm sure you're used to this, you were up there doing your and everybody is like what the [bleep] or you talking about? let's go. let's fast forward. [applause] but bros can joke like that. he is not going to cry. don't you [bleep] cry, jamie.

he is not going to do it. >> i thought a lot of great points and insults were made. i didn't even know that about england that make sense to me. because my wife left. >> greg: nicely done. i do not think it is that crazy that somebody said they would not vote for kamala because they weren't on joe rogan. i think some people get it wrong when they say it is because they are friends of joe rogan that is not the case it is because that is the place where you can be a real person. i think rogan has the reach but it is because j.d. vance and trump came out and they were real human beings for three hours and they were like that is who i'm voting for which we never got from kamala. she treated america like it is always a first date. always a first date we cannot find out anything bad and still like her. which, you know i say whatever they want to hear on the first

date i will tell them things like we are leaving soon. >> but i think it is the real person variable. even like your speeches, man, it could be ai. i watched the last speech and closed caption. right in the middle the lady wrote [bleep] this job. and she walked out. >> greg: the language on you. up next globalist scum think america is down. your best defense against erosion and cavities is strong enamel. nothing beats it. i recommend pronamel active shield because it actively shields the enamel to defend against erosion and cavities. i think that this product is a gamechanger for my patients. try pronamel mouthwash. upset stomach iberogast

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awkward to. and france were most disgusted they wrote end of an american world. does it bother you that europe is looking down on us? >> it bothers me every time france criticizes us. we speak in german, so first of all. and nobody reads magazines anymore. nobody. they are making these covers for what? the internet? you think they are going to say on the cover they are looking for the information? but i am seeing i saw on the streets outside of london it was a sea of people and you know what they are calling themselves over there? the deplorable's. the deplorable's support america. it is the same thing. first of all any of those magazines come say it to our

face watch what happens. seconds of all we do not care. this mainstream? what do you call them? the legacy media? they are [bleep] dead. so back to newspapers and magazines and nobody is reading them your influence is done. the good news is this is an opportunity to reset and report the news and be journalists again. i don't know how many people bought that i would not have even bought that. >> greg: kat, i think you are up always has an issue with us in terms of we are always thinking big and we dream big and trump is this big figure and they just find it so unsettling. he is so gross. >> so i love their onion soup. other than that i don't really want to hear i mean french people like, i don't want to hear what french soup is amazing. >> greg: especially when it burns your mouth. >> but their view of the world, first of all, "the view" of the

world is like what? like you work four days a year or whatever? obviously you do not understand. it just kind of piss me off because where would they be without the money we make for working the other days of the year when they are sitting about that eating baguettes i don't know what they do i have never been. i have never been to france that is the most french thing i have done, eating french soup in an irish pub. >> i have been to france four times. >> i also like that they put the butter on the luncheon sandwich. but these are all things that i can do at home. [laughter] >> four times more than i have ever needed to. >> greg: jamie, it is kind of funny i feel like america has become the most interesting place on the planet now and everything else looks kind of stale, much like your material tonight. >> and every night. [laughter]

>> is it okay if we just don't care what they think? is that a possibility? i got a little bit aggressive i was like i'm going to read the newspaper because i took french and college but i took it out of community college so they just taught us to do a french accent. [applause] i don't know. i'm with tyrus. i haven't got the government since the government answered. i think also we were all surprised i don't think you were surprised, i don't think you were surprised that you won the election. i think ignoring a lot of the obvious things that is not a reason to be surprised. i feel like the surprise is i knew trump was going to win after the assassination attempt. i went i think he is going to win. i remember the way he came off as a tough guy that is how you discover how you were actually like in a time like a crazy thing like that you get to see

what amount is really like. you remember the assassination the very first thing trump did when he touched his air he went, hey,, grabbed my shoes. which first of all how [bleep] expensive art trumps shoes that he was like my skull is okay how about my shoes? if it had been me it would have gone very differently i would have been like have you guys a grabbed the poop from my pants? you don't have to bring it to me just get it off the stage. i knew he was going to win from that day on. >> greg: winston, the press has always looked down at american politics and republicans in general so not that surprising. >> no. i have to pick up on what tyrus said earlier the mainstream media is as despicable as the american mainstream media. but there is actually far more concerning what is happening in england. england today is what america will be if it had elected kamala

as president. it is really quite something i have been here for about two weeks america is about lifting people up it is not an envious country. england today is about tearing down the aspiration, tearing down those who want to do better with their life and as a consequence, people are fleeing england. things are even worse actually. a week ago my lawyer called me up and said two of your weeks are technically illegal you can be arrested you when you return. that is not a joke. they have been clearing out the prisons to put people in for facebook memes. there is somebody in prison right now, they clear out the prisons, by the way. actual offenders, criminal violent offenders. one person be offended the day that he left. there is one guy in prison for a facebook mean for three months. one woman who has done two and a half years for a tweet. facebook is an utter disgrace, not just england, the whole of europe. unbelievably concerning. what do you hear from england it is worse as well because 55% of

conservative voters wanted you live in back to win. so even the british right is so much further left than america here. please don't give up, don't punish us for these terrible ideas. >> what kind of soup do you have? >> as long as you have good food... >> greg: we will move on now. >> got your laughing. >> greg: saccharin laughing. coming up, but i didn't emerged after his veep was purged. [♪] did you know, serums are concentrated with powerful ingredients to visibly improve your skin?

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♪ no. ♪ -no. -nuh-uh. ♪ yeah. oh. yes. ♪ oh yeah. yes. isn't this great? yeeaahhhh!! ♪ yeah, i could do a cartwheel in here. oh hey! would you like to join us? no. we would love to join you. ♪

♪ ♪ >> greg: a lame duck passes the buck. emerging from his crypt calling an end to division. >> you cannot love your country only when you win. you can't love your neighbour only when you agree. something i hope that we can do no matter who you voted for. you see each other or not as adversaries but as fellow americans. bring down the temperature. >> greg: bring down the temperature, the last time he had a fever it was from the 1917 spanish flu. this is rich coming from a guy everybody labelled as a white supremacist. he also spoke very highly of kamala. >> she has been a partner, a

public servant, she ran an inspiring campaign and everybody got to see something that i learned early on to respect so much, her character. she has a backbone like a ramrod. >> greg: a backbone at? like a ramrod? >> that was a dig. the old ramrod. >> greg: but you know, his ramrod is more like a ramen noodle if you know what i mean. how do we really feel about kamala losing? he seemed pretty happy did and he? check out what our camera caught when he walked away. [applause] ♪ ♪

>> around him guy walking by? >> greg: kat, do you have any insight into backbone of a ramrod at? >> no. i think is really happy. i'm happy for him i think he is happy that it is done. think about what joe biden's life must have been like for the past however many years. the public looking at him like he is in trouble but he does not know why. he is like in a perpetual state of having just received a text that says we need to talk. right? you know you [bleep] up but you don't know why because you do not know what you did. he does not know what he did. he just knows that everybody is disappointed. finally he gets to be free.

>> greg: yes, he gets to run off and then slowly pass away. jamie? >> yes. >> greg: what? it will happen to all of us. >> hopefully they are not smiling when they say it. >> kat is right, when you get a text like we need to talk and it is like you need to learn to talk. stuff like that. i heard that biden liked his zoom meeting speeches better. i get -- i guess at the end of the meeting he kept hitting a scape hub for the door to open. do you think it is over? i think he was absolutely excited. i wrote down the two things that my favourite parts were, and i was like kamala is getting some time off to take care of the ramrod. this is a serious operation. they also said am i crazy but he also said these guys have been busting their necks?

i was like i don't think that is it. >> a ramrod. >> i think you bust your ass or break your neck i don't think you bust your neck. >> is that why you got divorced? >> for nitpicking? >> greg: winston, what did you make of that call for lowering the temperature? >> he actually seemed quite pleasant. forgive me for complementing him. but my theory is that this is his plan it was pulled off. because if you remembered there were rumours of a coup. nancy pelosi and the obamas trying to get rid of him against his will and before they could put in who they wanted their candidate he put in kamala. so maybe he did not want them to win. >> very conspiratorial. [applause] >> greg: he seemed indifferent, tyrus. >> this and i want to say he was

the one democrat, he was a unifier, he said the right things i respect important that was a good speech. you do not have to look at him to know what was going on. did you see the smile on his wife's face? she had on a red jacket and she had a look on her face like he was a reborn... [laughter]qui- >> greg: up next, i jeopardyan t slight for girls with poor sight. l, advil targeted relief, the only topical with 4 powerful pain fighting ingredients that start working on contact and lasts up to 8 hours.

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[ ♪♪ ] >> greg: did they look like... for insulting girls with glasses, an awkward moment on jeopardy where ken jennings apologized to a contestant who was wearing glasses following a clue about checks who wear glasses. watch. >> all three of you should pick up your buses because we are going to get back into the round. >> complete the rhyming phrase, 400. >> men seldom make passes at. >> what are girls who wear glasses. [ laughter ] >> clearly that's not true.

>> it's not true. these glasses gave me a career. i wore these glasses for seven years before i needed them to see because i look so good. i'm going to wear them while i give birth because what if the baby is born and doesn't think that they have a hot mom. that would be devastating i'm sure. >> greg: should these clues be banned to? >> this is stupid. anybody who's on jeopardy is pretty used to being made fun of already. [ applause ] >> water often nerds back. take the reggie chillout. [ laughter ] >> greg: winston what you make of that? is this and other on -- attack on people with disabilities? >> there's another type of people that mend don't make passes at and that's whiny crybabies. >> greg: that's true. although jamie.

>> he didn't cry, he did not cry >> greg: what's going on in your head? >> first of all i don't like jeopardy they should call it, hey, want to feel stupid? did you know that this quote famously came from a poet in the 1920s named dorothy parker. she looked like [ bleep ] in glasses. >> greg: really? thank you for that history. all right don't go away we will be right back.

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