♪ ♪ >> sean: unfortunately that is all the time we have left this evening as always thank you for being with us in making that show possible. please set your dvr so you never miss an episode of "hannity". news any time all the time foxnews.com, hannity.com, in the meantime be troubled. greg gutfeld standing by to put a smile on your face. have a good night. ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ >> greg: yes. happy thursday, everyone. during his farewell address last night president joe biden seemed sleepy and bitter as he mumbled for only 13 minutes. who did he steal this speech from? ozzy osbourne? biden said quotes, americans are being buried under misinformation. as opposed to joe who will soon be buried under 6 feet of fresh dirt. biden claimed he created 17 million new jobs without mentioning that the pandemic wiped out 22 million so under him we lost 5 million jobs. that is like saying i totalled your car but i saved your formats. he warned us a dangerous concentration of power which

could interfere with his pacemaker. and added it will take time to feel the full impact of all that we have done together. you knows full impact, just ask a flight of stairs. now i'm not going to say he stunk up the place but here is the pillow he was sitting on after the address. what? he had some chocolate. meanwhile, nearly 200 paintings by hunter biden have been destroyed in the l.a. fires. even people who lost their homes and now say it was worth it. cnn has demoted blitzer to a morning cohost rule. it was either that are changing the newspaper in brian stelter's cage. and finally, a new york city jim teacher is accused of sticking his penis into a like sole container while standing in

front of his class. that is something you never expect to see and a new york city classroom. lie so. all right. so yesterday was an ugly day in d.c. if there was ever of beauty and the beast moment in the house of congress, pam bondi's confirmation hearing was it. plus back -- [applause] hold on, stop it. donald trump's nominee for ag found herself facing the swamps resident bug i monster. have a look if you dare. >> or you aware of any factual basis to investigate this claim? >> senator that is a hypothetical i will not answer that. >> the president has called for... >> you know what we should be worried about? >> please answer my questions. >> senator, what i can tell you is i will never play politics you are trying to engage me in a gotcha. i won't play politics. >> you can speak truth to power

so let me ask you another... >> i am not going to mislead this body, nor you. you were censured by congress. just like this. >> also... >> greg: that was useful. but adam has a face only a mother could love. norman bates mother. because not only is this guy a lying bozo he is also weird looking. but aren't they all? the democrats are the holiest bunch since kiss decided to take off their makeup. consider the people they attack. when you look at bondi, pete hegseth, kristi noem, rfk, michael crossfield, even john radcliffe, three words come to mind volvo room. kelly is a walking advertisement for herbal essence. sean duffy, you don't have nine kids by being before. [laughter]

and it wasn't by may change making chris wright protesters hot. no sir re. when you hear people yelling marcoux at the pool it is not polo they are after. tulsi has not showed up yet. emma wright? and then there is doug burgum whose is bringing chocolate back to the supermarkets. and what of stephen miller? i know, how is he hot? but check out his wife. see, he benefits from secondhand tautness. he went from a three to a six. by comparison the democrats seem like a parade of slovenly before pictures. even the guy grilling pete hegseth about drinking look at him.

i mean he looks like he just got into a boozy fight with a leaf blower. but if you hung out with bill clinton for 30 years you would look like that as well. so why the difference? well, the mind and body are one thing. how many of us feel bad mentally when we treat our bodies poorly? when we don't work out or we eat bad food or we take a pill handed to you by larry kudlow outside a tijuana brothel? and conversely how many of us feel physically sick when we treat our minds that they filling it with defeatist beliefs, victim mentality, or one of jesse's books. you cannot embrace victimhood and still look hot. i mean i imagine me whining with this jawline. but if your soul is rotten, your teeth will follow. the truth is conservatives think there are things worth protecting and that starts with taking care of how they look and

feel. but leftism is about denigrating standards so we are all one big blob of steaming hippo [bleep]. so we get plus size cover girls, from queens with beards, and paintings that look like my wall the last time i ate taco bell. in fact ugly is rewarded by democrats who view sex appeal as hot privilege. take san diego state university where students are told that fatphobia is rooted in racism, misogyny, homophobia, and other oppression. and calls on students to champion fat bodies. yeah, right because it is the biggest -- bigots who are forcing the oppressed to ding dong. is that possible? they urge students to read books by fat liberationists. who are those books? for whom the dinner bell tolls?

the great facts be? the count of monte crisco? the lord of the onion rings? i will wait for the money there was probably a love scene at golden corral. this in san diego if you are fact and queer you will feel hell of a lot better if you work on what god gave you, your body and your mind. how -- hell walk in pride parades just do it on foot. it is not about weight. it is the victim mind-set and the pounds come off if you lose that. that is a message san diego students never here. instead the left limits or aspirations by putting you in the boxes of race, gender, and sexual orientation. that is why you're wants cute niece came back to christmas break with a shaved head and

hairy pits. i remind her of patriarchal aspirations. so i'm not saying all democrats are unattractive. some of the women are attractive even the one it's with [bleep]. [laughter] but the truth is being ugly and side can make you ugly outside. when you compare the parties no contest. kristi noem compared to alejandro mayorkas? that say shooting a dog and ahead would not be a dealer -- deal breaker. i have to repeat two words. pete hegseth. he is like brad pitt with more kids. now who in d.c. is going to look better than that guy? obviously no one since i called off my senator rhonda. >> let's welcome tonight's guests! >> greg: she used to be an attorney now she puts the liberals on a gurney.

emily compagno! he's so funny the audience gets the laugh, comedian at dave landau! she can't wait to deliver her baby so she can go back to eating mercury, "new york times" best-selling author fox news contributor kat timpf! and he describes the grand canyon as the, okay, canyon. "new york times" best-selling author, comedian, tyrus! emily, emily, emily, or you are republican because you are beautiful? or are you beautiful because you are a republican? like i can ever see you as a leftist you are too hot to be a leftist. >> i'm waiting for you to make the terrible comments about me after that. because you never say something like that. >> greg: i was going to bring up the fact you are not wearing

pants but the audience can see that. >> i love what you said about the whole point is that when you are corroded on the inside and it shows up on the outside. i think truly there are few ugly people i have seen in my life and it was because of the inside. and it was shocking to me how that party writ large has the horrors of our present day written all outside the packages. by the way, san diego state, when i was 16 years old, i forged my birth certificate and i hopped along with the certain i won't name it, a certain fraternity at san diego state, and will cross the border down to mexico where we spent a spring break there in mexico partying like it was 1999 which was a couple years before that. it was literally the best, most amazing party ever. thank you mexico, thank you san diego state, thank you that fraternity. the point is how quickly a changes. how quickly the infection and

the victim mind-set and the toxic, the tumour that is that narrative rock to the brain's there. now i don't recognize san diego state. that is what your college years should be for. true education and now it is unrecognizable. like that whole party because they are vessels of tar. victims. >> greg: that is what college should be partying with a 16 year old emily compagno. >> that's right. >> what can go wrong? >> greg: i didn't know she was 16! dave, you seem like the picture of health. >> yes, that is right. let's talk about eating healthy and not being dead inside. >> greg: comedians. it goes against brand to be fit except you were seeing get with it the joe rogan contingent. all of these guys lifting weights. i don't like comedians to be muscular.

>> i like them to look just like this. short and obese as my doctor calls it. >> greg: don't you hate that? >> and then there like so i'm not. >> greg: they should say you are preapproved. >> i feel like a look better than half of the other side when you look at the left. i mean adam schiff trump took a bullet for this country. adam schiff looks like he is always sitting on a vibrating one. >> too much. >> greg: not enough. >> k it looks like a mad scientist that moonlights in a neil diamond cover ban. just a freak. >> greg: something wrong with him i don't know what that is. >> rob bryden? maybe there was something wrong with them so i don't want to make fun of them i will just do that at the break. kat, i know this is an incredibly shallow segment but i break shallowness. let's be honest, we talk about

this, we are bigoted against certain types of people. aren't weak, kat? >> except now i am superfast and i am still hot. [laughter] [applause] >> greg: i will complement you here in the 1970s well before the internet you could buy a hot and pregnant magazine. it was always behind the counter. >> don't i know it. >> greg: you would be on the cover hot and pregnant. [laughter] >> i hope or career choices would say no. >> the idea that there is no hot liberal i mean hollywood is full of hot liberal people. also, to me i often think ugly people are hot because they are more interesting to look at. like if you have some [bleep] up teeth or something that is good it. it took me a while to actually be attracted to my husband

because his teeth are nice. i'm like not one missing? >> greg: you were trying to get him to do math. >> i was hiding his toothbrush for years. so i mean it is true because i think hot is subjective and my friends are like kat you don't know how to tell if people are hot or not. they may have a point. but i think a lot of times people are miserable and they take it out on other people and if you were ugly sometimes you are more miserable. you have to realize you were not ugly you just have not found the right route -- weirdo yet. confidence is hot. >> greg: everybody if you can find somebody who does not care what they look like but takes care of themselves that is the key. tyrus, you have always been interested in fitness. is that like you can see somebody who has a system for fitness and assume for that they probably a system for other things? >> it depends if they are obsessed. and all they worry about his fitness and then when you talk to them they say they need to get back to the jim.

that is the only place they you have to have balance. one of the things that we saw from adam schiff was balance. because he was trying to find a way to ask are you going to investigate me? that is all that was about. i would like to ask a couple questions. so you are just going to have a blanket pardon for everybody that we went after? why are you going to go after liz cheney. and if he said yes the next question would have been like but i just wrote it. because you remember he writes movie scripts and they had a what? movie director do the six? and now we're fine think about all of these little fbi agents running around to? adam schiff was trying to ask questions that every criminal it is like you know your wife knows what you did you can't come out and say high honey, that underwear is mine. you have to say did you find

anything unusual this week. she is like yes zucchini was up six cents in the market. okay that is great. anything in the house particularly off? the light was off and the other room. or you share? because he does not want to admit what he knows is coming. he was trying to get her in a situation where he can say she is coming after us. because she says i have staff. so go through 100 cases and we will look at the ongoing investigation. and that is what makes him very unhappy because he is all caught up in the ongoing investigation. >> greg: and might i add a flat ass. up next, flames tore apart hunter

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♪ ♪ of story and five words. >> greg: hunters paintings up in smoke. this time not from a crack pipe. nearly 200 pieces of [bleep] i mean art allegedly worth millions of dollars, who knows, were torched in the l.a. wildfire. apparently they were sitting in storage near the pacific palisades house of hunters attorney. [laughter] is see the real victim here? >> of course. i also have a macaroni necklace worth 600 grand. no. like nobody wanted those paintings. he is just think of it i mean even if they were even burned i mean chances are he did it. there is no way. who bought one? >> greg: i think you started

the whole fire. >> that is right we can make a wild conspiracy. >> greg: permission granting. >> his paintings are not going up in value in four days. these paintings are not going up in value the more his dad talks and he realizes he is not going to help you with anything. >> going down in value. >> yes. >> what if all of southern california is on fire because he did it? that's not true. but i'm safe if i say that? >> greg: yes, you are okay i will say we have research to prove that. >> we don't even know that the paintings really burned down. i think his attorney disputed that and he said something like another untrue story about hunter biden which would come off way better if theirs so of those weren't true. >> greg: exactly. >> all of these stories are always untrue. you mean like all of the ones that have been true? what are you talking about? >> greg: there has not been one story about hunter that was

false. >> i'm sure there are there are false stories about everybody but he was that guy with that laptop smoking all of that crack having sex with all those people. >> wearing that red scarf like snoopy. >> greg: that is true i always think of snoopy when i see him. i'm tired of looking at his wood stock. i can't believe i remember that little bird's name. >> just because you are also on heroin doesn't mean you are antiwar hole. how did he get into painting? >> greg: he wanted to snort something and he had the little straws and you decided to blow. tyrus, do you think he has any insurance on this? >> i know he does because again lets not forget the forget the president of the united states says he was the smartest guy that he knows and apparently that was true because his [bleep] paintings they were set

up for influenza. so it was all people who bothered for influence periods paintings were coupons. they get the coupon and then the big guy seems to have the painting then whatever you want to get passed or whatever farmland you want to buy from americans you've got. so of course it was insured, of course they were worth hundreds of millions of dollars. what are you going to do? charge him with it. can't, blanket pardon. he is really smart. because who is to say they did not burn up? it is just ashes everywhere. again, how much a flame retardant is crack mixed with water colours? i'm assuming it goes pretty quick. >> greg: they could have burned so many things and they never would have known. emily, would your 16-year-old self have parted with hunter? >> no. never. i draw the line. >> greg: he would snort it. [applause]

>> here's the thing about oh, i just got it that is funny. he is like german -- jeremy i rinse makes one movie every seven years and it is an academy award winning oscar blockbuster hunter is the opposite of that. he made thousands of paintings the minute after the senate released a report saying that the art industry is the single biggest money laundering operation out there. so whatever he assesses his are to be at he can paint another million of them in a month. that is the whole point because there is obviously no talent or thought behind it. he went from 0 to 60 he had no paintings and then all of a sudden there were dozens and dozens and galleries all over the world to. so clearly one day one pinch-hit internship -- turns out 100 canvases. so he can make another 100. >> crack is like super red bull. you can really get motivated. you get the right crack you can do some things. >> but you really just want to

get more crack. [laughter] >> greg: i was really good at getting more crack. my main skill. up next, show should have stayed on the beach instead of giving that last speech.

♪ ♪ it is coming your way it is video of the day ♪ ♪ >> greg: he came in creepy and goes out sleepy. are video of the day comes to us from the oval office where joe biden gave his final address to the nation. the speech lasted 13 minutes and biden was fully conscious for at least five. and a rambling angry farewell angry farewell joe biden left viewers with all of the warmth of an ice water.

>> not giving the biggest tax cuts to billionaires but making them pay their fair share. we need to give them dark money that is that hidden money behind 2 million campaign all the tricks we need to get it out of our politics. >> greg: dark money you mean like george soros or the cash that has been an hunters rectum? don't worry, he went out of his way to scare everybody as well. >> some things that give me great concern. this is a dangerous concentration of power in the hands of very few ultra wealthy people. and the dangerous consequences if their abuse of power is left unchecked. today an oligarchy is taking shape in america of extreme wealth and power and influence that literally threatens our entire democracy. our basic rights and freedoms and a fair shot for everyone to get ahead of. >> greg: do you think he

really knows what oligarchy means? >> i hate to say it i was proud he got it out because i thought he was going to say malarkey. [applause] >> greg: so this guy clung to power at the highest levels of government for 50 years he should look in the mirror. any more lies? >> americans are being buried under an avalanche of misinformation and disinformation enabling the abuse of power. the free press is crumbling, social media is giving up on fact-checking. the truth is smothered by lies. torn for power and for profit. >> oh, man. >> greg: is it really a point in criticizing this? he is saying all of this b.s. has if the last four years never happened on may be because in his advanced state of decay had

never dated? what a great way to live they do say ignorance is bliss unless the one enjoying it happens to be your president. kat? >> yes. >> greg: it is like they just told him to say oligarchy. >> a blubbering old hypocrite. it was really tough to watch him do this because in his head that was an assertive hand gesture. he is like it is like the stuff he was saying he really thought he had some good ones there. you mean to tell me, joe, there are rich men influencing politics? has if that is only happening now and it has never happened before. heat, if you calculate it, has been in politics roughly 20% of the time that the united states has been a country. that is actually true.

okay? so if you have any problem with the system it is like the system is deal. >> greg: exactly look in the mirror. although he probably does not have a reflection. >> whoa whoa whoa do not besmirch her vampires are. they did not asked to be a part of it. >> greg: tyrus, it is kind of hard to criticize something. >> it was really easy i only had to use a one word last night on the tracks i wrote a. there is an oligarchy the people running the country while you did not know what time it was. it was projection. he literally told on everything that they have done the past three and a half years. that is why you were not in there anymore because pelosi said sit down but that is why your party is out. i would like to correct the record he is not a. that was childish of me to say. he is.

and listen and what that means is one time he was able to speak a certain way and he clearly cannot anymore. his skill set has retarded and his mind-set is retarded. it was embarrassing. it was embarrassing last night that we all had to sit and watch that and it made zero sense. and he is mad that he can no longer have his people call up and yell at facebook to tell them to take down anything that challenges what they say. so be aware of that, guys. you will be able to say what is on your mind and not lose your job over it. [applause] >> greg: i said this earlier on "the five" but if you criticize him it is like criticizing a drunk who has blackouts like that you realize what you did last night? he has no idea. >> that is what i don't want to happen. it reminds me of when child molesters, serial killers, are caught and identified later in life.

and all of a sudden you are making motions of safe or compassionate released he has a cancer now. this is an 87-year-old man. i do not care because i remember what he did when he was 30 and 40 and 50. i felt like last night first of all it was a weird this is what we need to do it was a to-do list riddled with hypocrisy rather than a president ending 50 years of service in saying this is my legacy this is what i have done. it is like he has amnesia but i do not. i remember what you did for 50 years. god protect the troops at the end is what sickens me the most. not only because of the service members that died because of his botched afghanistan release, but him coming out and ensuring that waving 23 were prosecuted. that hillary was prosecuted so they could make sure for our iraqi ally that they could they could string out military service members, veterans who served this country who put their lives on the line for this country. things like that i do not

forget. i think of that every day and coupled that with his pardons which by the way more pardons are to come. totally. on last night i was supposed to take it as all while we are going to read the speech and what a legacy. to me it was a legacy of trash only. >> greg: dave, last word to you. >> you were good. you are right. as a former blackout drunk nobody ever tricked me into a room and made me president. >> greg: that is true. >> it is called an intervention you stop it before it gets really bad. now it is the worst it has ever been because we just let it go. i love that he says there is an oligarchy. he should have ended this by going and my bosses told me to say this. >> greg: he had no idea what he was saying. >> he has not known the past four years. what we knew but then they admitted it. all you want to do was listen to him talk.

>> greg: all righty then coming up justice prevails as penny rides the rails. (♪) (♪) voltaren... for long lasting arthritis pain relief. (♪)

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plus $1,500 off! [applause] >> greg: that was definitely a heterosexual opening. a warning to the insane back on the trainer. superhero of the week daniel penny was seen riding the train in new york city. last week he was acquitted in the death of a young man who was threatening passengers in 2023. penny was spotted reading the book of minding his own business. you know who else was minding their own business? every [bleep] lunatic on the subway. don't go there! [applause]

what do you have to say, tyrus? what did you think when he saw that picture? >> my first thought was leave the brother alone. he is clearly just trying to live his life. the other side of that is all of the [bleep] he went through he could not have gotten a car service? you know what i'm saying? there wasn't a gofundme or something where he never has to be on a subway again for the rest of his life. i know his name is penny but quarter up. come on, ladies and gentlemen, if there was ever a guy who deserves a bus pass it is mr. penney. it looks to me like he just wants to go live his life. i don't think he wants the line pass. make it happen i think it could happen but i don't think he wants it. >> thinking i wouldn't need to subway again i wouldn't want anything to do with them. that is like getting remarried. why would you make the same mistake twice? i would not do it.

i would assume he would get at least a book deal or something. >> greg: he probably will get a book deal. >> i hope so because i just would not do it. i don't go on the subway and i really can't afford not to. >> a terrible place. >> greg: but maybe it says something, emily, he not only stayed in new york after this, he continues to ride the subway after everything he has been through. he is basically saying i will let this stop me. >> that is my first thought besides please let him be protected was this just shows what he was doing on that day he just wants to be an architect. he takes the subway he is writing to school. he is reading his text book or whatever that is and he just wants to be left alone. and that day like all of us to ride the subway like i did today and it sucks every day, that some [bleep] went down and he steps in. to me it totally epitomizes this whole time he was a humble hero i feel so bad for him. but it feels like next time somebody stabs somebody in front

of him he is like i am out of it. >> greg: kat, do you see this picture and you go? >> pretty much. it is crazy. i could never. i would be like i would be way too worried somebody would be mad at me. >> greg: it is symbolic. like i'm getting back on the subway. >> it is and also people who are in the military you could not do that if you have a normal risk tolerance. if you have that kind of bravery to do that it is not really shocking that he has the bravery to then get back on the subway. but i think that if i had been riding the train i would have stared at it with my mouth hanging open the entire time. i would have been like there is no way to the point where it would have made him he would not be able to keep reading. because he would like notice that i was watching. and then he would be uncomfortable and leave or something. but i do really want to know what he was reading.

what is that? can we find it? >> greg: i don't know i was speaking i was looking but i could not get close enough to it. i do feel it is weird is -- it is coinciding with trump's return to the white house. it is kind of like a return of manning up. it feels like everybody is manning cup may be that is just me because i am always manning up. although that mean something different. help next bidens babysitter is awfully bitter. hi. i use febreze fade defy plug. and i use this. febreze has a microchip to control scent release

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♪ ♪ >> five more words. >> greg: five words. dr. jill aside about nancy. tyrus, jill gave an exit interview to "the washington post" where she basically showed how bitter she

was about nancy pelosi her old friend throwing her under the bus during the election. she said quote, let's just say i was disappointed with how it unfolded. i learned a lot about human nature. we were friends for 50 years. 50 years? disappointing. does she feel betrayed? should she? >> we should feel betrayed. you let your dementia husband to run the country. you are mad because nancy did the job you should have done two and a half years ago? when he started running like you are my husband i love you, honey, your heart is in it but your mind can't do it anymore? like any other decent wife would have said to there has been to? but no, she wanted to wear the dress is, she wanted to be first lady, and she wanted to ruin the country. so you were mad that nancy it was not about him. if she gave a about him she would not be in opposition. you are mad because she ruined another four years of you wearing your outfits and all of us being forced to call you doctor.

you are not a doctor. [applause] on top of that you were not a very good wife either. >> my overwhelming thought was like have you met your own husband to? have you spent 5 minutes with him in the past four years? as if this is something nancy did to be a jerk? it is like no, no, no, anybody watching this person would be like this person is not well and do you spend any time around him at all? >> greg: did she not watch the debate? >> yes! >> the debate? watching him wake up in the morning. >> go to bed. is he showering by himself? are these things that you know? i have more questions. name a thing about him. name i think you have seen him do on his own without assistance. >> backwards pants is the new rap. [laughter] >> greg: dave, it is kind of

funny because pelosi is guilty as well. she basically i mean it is weird that jill feels betrayed because pelosi covered for them for four years. >> absolutely. nancy pelosi has to feel bad predominantly from her big fake [bleep] [laughter] >> greg: i don't think they are fake. >> i'm sorry allegedly faked. i do not want to get sued. good for her then. i'm just surprised this is what it is. because they have been friends for 50 years. i mean girls who are friends with each other for more than six months they are like mel brooks and carl ryder. that is like 400 and guy years. >> greg: it is true. you wonder and the 50 years how many years were they not speaking to each other. women will not talk to a friend for two years and then they go all my god i missed you so much! something happens i hate that! i have older sisters i know.

like they turn on and off their friends like a light switch. emily, you do that as well with outnumbered. >> no i don't. here is the thing, if they were truly friend then sure they would have a beaches moment later on but the reality is no, she gives it away when she says we have been friends for 50 years. that is just the duration of your husband, your second husband's political career. the craziest thing to me was that she was downright admitting that she expected nancy pelosi to be loyal to her husband when it is the commander in chief of this entire country we are talking about. to me the greater sin would be, to your point, somebody saying it is because i am friends with you guys that we will go ahead and at the crypt keeper stay in office. what in the outer hell? the whole time pelosi was saying by the way behind closed doors before it became public. once she brought this public it means the million conversations she had with jill and joe went

unheeded. for jill to come out and say she said she were friends to me totally shows that the entire time for her was just about the power. for joe it was just about doing what my wife says i should do and for nancy pelosi it was likely split the party above them. too little, too late, than god. to them enjoy the exit, jill. >> i would like to give her point back to her. nancy did not really do him a favour either because what she should have done is section 25 him. if she really cared about -- about the country. it was necessary. >> greg: don't go away he will be right back. doctor box, there were many failed attempts to fix my teeth. i retouched all my wedding photos, and it was even affecting my health. i trusted you because you specialize in dental implants. you created a permanent solution and customized my teeth so it still felt like me. my new teeth have improved my life and changed my future. - thank you. - you're so welcome. get the smile you want from the number one provider

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[cheering and applause] >> greg: out of time. emily compagno, dave landau, kat timpf, tyrus, studio audience. "fox news at >> laura: good evening, everyone. i' ♪ ♪ >> laura: good evening,sp everyone, i am laura ingra