>> sean: two program reminders, be sure to tune in tomorrow 9:00 p.m. eastern, my exclusive interview with pam bondi, my interview with mike tyson, that is all the time we have this evening. said sure dvr so you never missed an episode, in the meantime, let not your heart be troubled, greg gutfeld is next to put a smile on your face. ♪ ♪

[cheering and applause] >> greg: i know. i know! it's hard to believe you are in the same room with me. happy wednesday everybody. president trump has given orders to obliterate iran navy the regime assassin a ten. big deal, i get obliterated every night said one woman. [laughter] president trump suggested taking over in gaza,'s first project, opening a gentleman's club called the gaza strip. why not. filing a new impeachment articles over his proposed plan in a gaza, they go there free lap dances out of the gaza strip

president trump is proposed budget of bill has proposed $3 trillion in spending cuts, leaving out a few extra dollars to buy clothes for kanye's wife. these don't! the u.s. navy showed a photo of a warship firing a high powered weapon, it's first target, removing her mustache. [laughter] in iran, and naked woman jumped on a police car to protest the country's treatment of women, in a related story, gaza just moved to iran. [laughter] -- guess who. joe bondy! walmart has announced plans to cut hundreds of jobs, the second time in a year he is out of work. [laughter]

randy weingart, the teachers unions boss who makes over 500 grand a year is worried trump will cut her salary forcing her to return to her old line of work. [laughter] i do not know if that is a real photo. trump publicly considering sending criminal to foreign jails, sounds cool but it is part of a bigger effort to keep hillary clinton from murdering them. and according to a new study, apes would be able to read mi minds, some apes are able to host a nightly cable news show. [laughter] all right. since we are turning to office, president trump has been signing executive orders faster than larry probably has been signing

boobs at the villages. trump is like that army slogan, we do more before 9:00 a.m. then you do all day, only with him he says the alarm even earlier. and he set his sights on the middle east. owner with the u.s. take over the gaza strip and did a good job with it as well? >> president trump: the u.s. will take over the gaza strip and we will do a job within two. the will own age and be responsible for dismantling all the dangers of unexploded bombs and other weapons, level the site and get rid of the distorted buildings, something different. i don't want to be cute, and wannabe wise guys by the riviera of the middle east, this could be something that is so magnificent. >> greg: that riviera of the middle east. [applause] only hope that cabana boys get new pagers. [laughter]

but maybe due trump gaza is a construction project, and he thought if i could deal with the mafia and nyc, i can handle it, they both kill people and demand money. but also during that same press conference on gaza, he dropped to this instant classic... >> de have any plans, because. [inaudible] any comment to make what is your future plan? >> president trump: i have a hard time understanding you, where are you from? beautiful voice, beautiful accent. the only problem i cannot understand what you are saying. [laughter] >> greg: that is why he is the guy! that is not really his fault, her accent was that greater than's stall, if the gaza plan

sounds crazy that is the point, it is what you call a dad move. you know when you're in a huge fight with your sister and the data comes and takes that remote, suddenly you and yours is to have common enemy, the data, so there is an alternative like sharing their remote. in this case the brats are egypt and jordan, now they have to share the burden or dad will make life, and if you want hell, listen to what trump instructed americo to do if iran took them out. >> president trump: i have last -- left instructions. if they do it, they will not be anything left. [cheering and applause] >> greg: not a bad plan, i have also left in case and assassinated. that my ashes are to be spread on top of gilbey's wrench.

the point is, trump does not just think outside of the box, he leaves the box on her before don lemon to sleep in. and because everything follows a simple principle, america first, and i'll make sense. there's less wiggle room. compare that to the old administration and activist wish-list far removed from america's real concerns, trans issues, sanctuary cities, social justice movement, accidental ball movements. it all translated to america last. now trump is crushing it. on tuesday the ca offered buyouts to his entire workforce, which is millions of federal workers, the upside of their disguise skills will come when candy if you don't want people to know you work for over. -- uber. jon reid signed an executive order defunding the

united nations relief and works agency, next time they want to house hostages, try motel 6. [applause] and he is also withdrawn to the u.s. from the u.n. and human rights council, was on that counsel? grundy, china, somalia, sudan, having those countries on a council of human rights is like having j.b. pritzker on a board for weight watchers. [laughter] yeah. trump also signed another order banning demand from woman sp sports. [cheering and applause] -- banning men. and some of the transit woman's athletes are not taking the news of a well. [laughter] >> greg: 's next executive

action may be to get rid of the department of education shutting down functions that are not written explicitly into statute, if it's not law it's not legal. no wonder the democrats are panicking. since the education department inception, math scores have been dropping faster than bill cosby's date after the first cocktail. i know, isn't he awful? we all agree. i'm glad. the bottom line, any old days our solemn stately and benign republicans, stayed well behaved as they ran rampant. would be shocked by just one win but typically the wall gracious in defeat. john boehner would have cried and paul ride would have gone back to his one-man show about any monster. -- 80?

trump is different, not just a republican president, he is a legend, wherever he goes, the world sits up. here he comes they mutter, ward leaders scramble for selfies, politicians come to kisses arraigned and no wonder he is a cross between godzilla and the energizer bunny. and his story around you when you are a legend does almost all of the work for you. especially when the story has a happy ending as long as you do what daddy says. [cheering and applause] >> announcer: tonight guests, he is like elmer's glue, you hold things together and he is white, fox news contributor, t tom. 'rrr''s she reports the news, fox news anchor julia. [cheering and applause] he thinks it laundromats are great ways to expand his wardrobe, michael! chair pause --

[cheering and applause] and she is still distraction despite her contraction, fox news can jupiter kat timpf. [cheering and applause] tom coke what do you make over this whole gaza thing? it's not like reporting troops on the ground but he seems to have hijacked the conversation, made people think past his sale that he is in charge, somebody better do something or i'm just going to build something. when they mastered at the press conference at that he was making it up, then they went to benjamin netanyahu and is that he would be like we talking about, what he was like i think it's a great idea. and love that, the afghan reporter, after he said i did not understand a word you said, love the way he wrapped it out, instead of saying good luck live in peace.

[laughter] best answer. move on. i cannot keep up with his presidency. it's only a couple of weeks in. you know that kiana reeves movie when he is riding the bus and you cannot stop driving? that's what the presidency is and the democrats of the vil villain, stop of the bus everybody will die, trump is like that is fine. ploughing through everything. the article you sent me, "the new york times" article, they are all freaking out. he have simply people there, and it said that mr. elon musk is waging a largely unchecked war against the federal bureaucracy, and i'm like that's the bad part? [laughter] they don't know what to do. >> greg: i cannot believe he could not remember the name of the movie speed. [laughter] it's like saying what's that movie about wise guys?

all you mean "goodfellas"? no, about the wise guys! what's that a movie about rocky? what's it called? [laughter] you are inscrutable guy. julie, atomics a good point, you cannot keep up with him. but maybe that is how [bleep] gets done these days. do you find it arousing? >> i do, i am so turned on right now. [laughter] when you do a monologue with a happy ending, he had my mind -- [laughter] i think he's doing a lot of great thinkers and living up to all his promises, i cannot remember a time every we had a president move this quickly. want to talk about woman and woman sports, transgender woman, or biological man, whatever you want to call that group, do not

compete in woman sports i think that is excellent. it's been so unfair. i am a little bummed about it, i was looking forward to trying out for the woman steam break dancing. now i will not qualify because as you know. [laughter] adam's apple have you noticed it? >> greg: i was not aware! i was not aware. all right are you upset you are now banned from competing in woman sports? >> have to come up with a plan b! >> greg: yes. >> i was going to do the break dancing thing but that soft the table. i am loving every single moment of this presidency. it's like christmas every day. even for jews! [laughter] it's like all we asked for was a wall. [laughter]

and trump keeps saying check under the truth is one more under there. [laughter] america! how did you know! one more, the gaza strip! oh, my god! >> greg: it's a great idea. but to be have to rename eight, something confusing like mississippi north. just so nobody really understands. but have to throw a stand at the end of it, like mississippi north of -stan so we can embrace the local culture. what about magaza? magazastan? >> if you have a homeless problem and mississippi or alabama, lift them up and drop

them off there, they can work at of the gaza strip. have that place rocking and rolling by midnight. >> greg: see it's like he has opened is this conversation into a whole new world, i do not think it will leave moving in occupying there. i feel like he just forced everybody's hand. >> i'm sure he misses building guessing this,'s nation-building would call him prettier than george ws. i am very much huge noninterventionist, i want to boots on the ground. i will also want to four years of trump before, what i used to do, he just throw stuff out of there sometimes. what i did more than once in the last trump term, i would react based on lasting, a lot of times, time goes on, like this won't happen. and he says you does not want to boots on the ground, he does not

want to make contacts paired dollars. how does it work without those two things i don't think it d does, maybe we have to start that conversation b3 it reminds of the north korea thing, the think we were trying to solve is a desire to drop a missile on us. that did not happen. but what did happen -- >> we will build it! >> greg: he did get the threat removed from the table, and that's what people forget about. but i will not forget about it. we are done here. i'm sitting here was some mild discomfort. up next, putting callie through the ringer and gives trump the finger.

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>> announcer: a story in five words. [cheering and applause]

>> greg: california spends 50 million against trump? julie get off your phone! >> okay. [laughter] >> greg: passing a trump proving a bill package that provides $50 million to legally challenge trump policies and funding legal aid. they came up with is it during the fires! this was their priority. you're shaking your head in disgust. is it because tom? [laughter] >> and they were spending money, the way he wanted to fight disease fires is because your spending tens of millions of dollars to shelter illegal immigrants, many of them who were criminals, back out on the streets. they were housing illegal immigrants and now they want to continue to shelter them even after the fires which is disgusting, the fact they are spending this money to fight

trump, they are preparing for the deportation. when you don't understand is he wanted these illegal immigrants out of the country, or back to l.a. because l.a. is kind of like gitmo. they have 30,000 illegals into their cities, looks like cuba. >> greg: the think is, as a homeless person or unhoused, when you go by these days? >> unhoused. >> greg: remember if you are cold, we are called. [laughter] -- cold. >> everyone: >> greg: does it bother you the illegals are taking a priority, taking services away from you. >> it is bizarre to watch california continue to fail inspection of juice manner. the oneness think it is painfully obvious guided it has been a huge fire, we should invest in water. they are like no, we will go for

trump. it's like taking your car again, the engine is exploded, the mechanic comes back and says a look at your meat loaf recipe. [laughter] it will knock your socks off! without fix my car? nobody will be delicious. have lost everything in a fire. you will get you batteries for a smoke detector. what are you doing! is sick they want people to leave california. >> greg: it's like they know they just have the based synergy in the world and nobody will leave it especially the rich people. i'm under the impression of the think trump is worst then fire. >> fl the opposite, only $50 million? [laughter] this is california we are talking about. that is a calf of governor newsom's annual hair budget. 50 million? if you like maybe they know they are screwed. maybe a word people will sue them which they shooed. if i was at my house burnt down,

when i was paying all these taxes, like we do not think we needed the water! i would be mad. and think people should start suing the government. >> greg: there's no way they would be able to rebuild the houses to their satisfaction. they will not get insurance. it seems to me like california's a supermodel with a drug habit, great to look at it but it's going to die soon. [laughter] >> is a good time and two from california countries when we are going through, doge is going through all of these expenses of the federal government exposing with $10 million going to political, proposed $50 million, is going to lawyers. that is all that happens. it goes to the big law firms in the big law firms go in and so everything down. trump should combine this with that remain in mexico policy,

you deport to everybody and then they are out of the country. you want to hearing you can have it, you just have to stay out of the country while we wait for that to happen. then all of the money going to immigration lawyers will make the process longer. we don't care, as long as they are out of the country before this whole thing starts, good plan? [cheering and applause] >> greg: i will be honest, while i was explaining that, i was zoning out. [laughter] weren't you? come on. you are. what is he saying? did he just say something about remain in mexico? i don't care. okay. up next, accident of humor from chuck schumer. [cheering and applause]

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>> greg: the chant from chuck schumer goes over like a tomb or -- tumour. failed to get a chance to going while protesting elon musk and trump on tuesday, take a look at this. >> we cannot allow elon musk and a small group of people to secretly behind closed doors take away our privacy, i will stand with you in this fight. we will win! we will win! we will win! we will win! we will win! we won't rest! we won't rest! >> greg: sounds like saying we won't rest three times tired him out.

he never changed chant in the middle of it! that's crazy. he was not the only democrat was some harsh words for doge. >> are you ready to fight day and night, dawn and dusk to fight elon musk. >> we was seeing the courts and congress and the streets, elon musk is a nazi nabo baby! >> elon musk spent $280 million to buy an election for donald trump. >> you and musk, nobody elected your ass anyone to use your money to go to mars? no, we want to use our money right here in washington, d.c. into this country! [laughter] >> greg: you know, i have not

seen democrats this madisons and other republican made them give up some think they really wa wanted. [laughter] all right! man on the street, shouldn't you always plan a chant before you started chant? you don't does get in and then to change the chant in the middle of the chant, you do not riff on the chant! chuck schumer you're not robert williams, that is not whoopi goldberg standing next to you. the whole think was embarrassing watching chuck schumer there, it was like watching a special olympics double dutch get started. it was a mess! and then he was like that's right, gets the hands in the air! >> greg: you can see that moment of delight when he changed it to we will win to we won't rest! his little claw hand, give them

the claw back seen! and once this is due to get his old cane in the shock, what's going on! the whole thing was like a david lynch fever dream. >> and nobody is disputing what doge is funding, it's all done by some wonky engineers. we're just showing you what we are finding. >> that we won't rest chant is worst, everybody else's like we are going to. [laughter] >> greg: i did not know we had to chant! >> also now they care, now they care, they care because they are finding staff, you want to talk about the biden administration, what marcus vanderburg admits happened, phone calls from the administration -- mark zuckerberg -- center this

or else. that's not concerning? but somebody doing something, finding these things, which everybody should agree nobody wants tax dollars wasted. now you are mad? >> greg: they are mad is somebody's doing this, i thought democracy hides in the darkness? >> it's better to hide inconvenient information than to have inconvenient information be shown. [laughter] [applause] >> greg: as a proud member of a barbershop quartet -- he is! you think i'm kidding but it's true. going to his name on a youtube, but do not type and beastiality. what advice would you give these poor souls, they are hopeless. >> they have to come up with better chance, i don't even like the classic a chance, we are here, we are queer could get

used to it. was supposed to convince me? that's a quality you want to stress, not we are good at decorating? [laughter] convince me! >> what's the other one? [laughter] that's not good, is very specific thing. went to he wanted to, now! that is not selling me on it. try that a restaurant, what we want, pancakes! one to he wanted them, now! >> greg: you're talking about something we are taking for granted, you believe protest is persuasive. it is the opposite of persuasive, do not persuade a single person by shouting. julie it seems to me that doge must be doing something right. >> they are, that's why they are so upset. obviously elon musk is loving

this and so is it donald trump. you got chuck schumer switching gears and made chant with his fist that looks ago stub. i think you have done your job. why do they have to complain about? first a saint elon musk was a lot not -- not elected. nobody said he was. what about transparency and the government? he have been covering up [bleep] years, our president was delusional, no memory. he wasn't running at the white house. i have elon musk saying, maybe we should audit of the irs. what would you be against that? you pay taxes, what would you not want transparency? they are against anything republican standpoint because it stands for the truth and they don't want the truth. [cheering and applause] >> greg: all right, coming up, >> greg: all right, coming up, former cnn bomb flaps his gums.

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♪ ♪ ♪ we got another clip for you, it's a video of the day ♪ >> greg: things are looking grim for our old pal jim at cnn, the anger debuted his new show on a sub-stack, stack but not as good? guess what he named it, the gym acosta show, pretty good! first episode got to rocky start, rowlett. top of your screen. >> i see that... >> what the hell. >> have to work on my step, one of the issues. >> and that is part of the charm of sub-stack. there we go, now we are live. how does it feel? >> it feels really good.

obviously, we love the people at cnn, i miss them, you will get through this time in a few it's important for people to know there is such a thing as truth. there is such a thing as truth. >> greg: i think this show is sponsored by windows 97. [laughter] it's a chance for jim to grow out. >> it's real and unvarnished and that's what makes it fun, it's not a perfectly lighted studios, speaking king's english at all times. we can just grow out or something like that. >> what? >> greg: bro out, i cannot wait to see him in tim walz and for tampons. [laughter]

maybe it would not be an jim acosta show with set -- without some self-righteous power. >> you cannot speak truth and power of those in power can crush the truth, that is why it is incumbent upon us, all the people leaving comments also to insist on the truth. there is still we the people, and we the people demand the truth, full. >> greg: full, what are you british? all the people watching and leaving comments, three people? you, maybe talk to members of your family? i hate to tell you jim, the only people watching people like me we need content to make fun of you, and even this is a stretch because of this is not even good bad it is boring bad. and all those other measurable hacks and the media thinking this is a path to success beyond cable, hate to break it to you just because you have a name does not mean you have a

following. nobody said hurry up honey, jim acosta is on. unless he is on fire. kat are you going to throw up? >> no. [laughter] >> greg: you were leaning back and i thought he was going to projectile vomit. >> i would not be that lucky? i want to give this advice to anybody, i do not understand why they wasted. jim you are free. don't just sit there being boring in front of that sad, sad little plant. you know, while the down a little bit! you don't have to be network safe anymore! why are you saying, you look like you are adjusting, now you're wearing pullover! you know? i got my casual pullover on! tell us how you really feel! take the shirt off may be! >> greg: give us some insight

into who the real jim acosta is! >> you are free, nobody can fire you, back like it! if i was fired he would not believe that [bleep] you would see me doing! [laughter] [applause] >> greg: he is completely free, he should just say i love men, my hobbies! >> why did you do your hair, you are free, don't shower every day anymore, jim! >> greg: tom give me a device, you know it's amazing? i think people will look, ligoure tucker went, megyn kelly, this will happen to me. no, nobody watches cnn or msnbc because of you. they watch it because it happens to be on at the airport. >> and he's terrible is little show here, even when he is broing out. also he never spoke king's english. what king is he talking about?

>> greg: larry king? rodney king? [laughter] >> now you see him for what it is, that sad apartment with the plant and everything, the only thing that gave him any credibility was this cnn, first man of the news. y'all know these people, like dan on cbs, that got used to end his newscast, courage! what are you talking about? that he is a blabbering 88 on twitter. we know these guys are what they are. but you should not do it. the thing is, the network was giving him credibility. it should be the opposite. elberink this network down with my appearances on the stroke p3 yes, you do. >> i'm as unimpressive on this show as when i meet people in real life. i am a real dude! it's true!

>> greg: these people are as empty as we always thought they were. >> you never disappointed by the way. you are just as disappointing here. [laughter] >> greg: he is impressive in his disappointment. wanted a little pushback on that, now supports! >> i agree, setting the bar low is the way to go. >> greg: regular episode of moonlighting here. [laughter] >> i feel bad for him. he is joining the don lemons of the world. what is don them went up to? did anybody really care with this guy had to say? the only time he made a name for himself as when he would attack the president, that is heavy he became president -- famous. >> greg: you know what made him famous? keeley. >> and she slapped him every single time. [laughter] >> greg: as she would say, i

b-slapped him. last word? >> it's i see the whole jim acosta experience, it's bad enough not to be entertaining but i want him to go crazy. wanted to be like buffalo bob. i want him in a fur coat, welcome to the jim acosta show, puts on the lotion. i want weirdness. >> greg: you know what, put aside the egos, don lemon, acosta, they should all get together and do a little thing. it would be amazing. >> starter boy band. >> welcome back, puts on lotion. [laughter] >> greg: all right. what is going on in that man's head. up next, 50 shades of gray will not keep men away. duffmac. [applause]

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>> announcer: five more words. [cheering and applause] >> greg: men love romance moat -- novels as well, right off the bat this is a [bleep] survey. they had to this survey of romance novel readers and he thought that men would be more

likely than women to say they are diehard fans of the genre. they surveyed mail romance novels, not males. you know the difference. they were looking at just men who already read nobles -- romance novels, of course they were more diehard because it was a bunch of girly men. they are the only ones that read -- i cannot even believe girly men read these romance novels. >> why was it only 60%? court of the many continuing to read who hated them? >> greg: they are just casual. >> they just say they read them but really they read porn. >> greg: have you ever read -- made a guy who reads romance mark -- novels? >> no and hope i never do. >> greg: what is a female equivalent, a woman who likes? >> does not like romance novels. i think men who watch romance

novels have to be married because they are not getting laid and have to turn somewhere and they are afraid of catching them on porn so if you're holding a book it looks educational. just a hunch -- >> greg: interesting theory. i don't believe it. >> they have porn hidden inside the book! >> greg: who has not done that! [laughter] who has not done that. >> amen! i don't believe this study at all. i don't think the dude exists. i'm looking for something, on to see where the stableboy was misunderstood, he gets in there and gets that little lady, and she is like it away from me, stableboy! and she's like oh, no, you will get some loving now! it does not happen. >> i like romance novels -- [laughter] >> i will read it!

>> who looks like that when they are consuming erotic of any kind? >> greg: you know that fox has a book imprint? religious romance novels. >> okay! [laughter] >> fox did that! love stories of the bible, you're welcome. >> greg: nice plug. do not go away, we will be right back. [applause]

look at 'em, streaming directv without a satellite dish — just livin' it up! did you see how fast that guy found the game — he hardly struggled at all! you know, every day is a struggle for us pigeons... meanwhile, he's flipping through channels faster than a peregrine falcon! ugh. ya know, i dated a falcon once. who? janice? she was a common barn owl! not to me she wasn't... you know, i still play cards with her mom!

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for generations, this ally to the north has been here. and for generations more, we'll still be here. right by your side. [title: ontario, canada] [title: ontario.ca/partner] [title: paid for by the government of ontario] >> trace: good evening, it's 11:00 p.m. on the east coast, 8:00