home tonight. happy new year, i'll see you back here tomorrow, four o'clock eastern with julie banderas and remember, shep's always online. remember, shep's always online. foxnews.com/shep. captioned by closed captioning services, inc. >> theo riley factor is on tonight. the holiday season, the miller time special. >> barney could literally be come dressed in the barney outfit to congress. on what planet could you spend your time. >> a tribute to helen thomas, and hotdogs? >> i know they're crap, that's what i dig about them. >> hot dog. >> who is the weiner here? >> and also find out how miller really feels about speaker pelosi. >> they got a new great hide away, empty space with thick walls, it's inside pelosi's head. this guy use as prompter when he's taking an eye chart test. >> and plus, dennis miller tackles president obama and his

entire administration. caution, you are about to enter the no spin zone. the factor begins right now. hi, i'm bill o'reilly, thanks for watching us tonight. we present a special miller time edition of the factor, ooh, very scary. for the next hour, one of the best moments from dennis and of course, me, your humble correspondent. we begin this evening with dennis' thoughts on our pal barney frank and a fiery town hall meeting. >> you want us to trust you with health care? >> no, i didn't say that. >> sir. >> i didn't say that. >> let me finish my question. >> but, correct me, i never said i wanted you to trust me, i guarantee you that. >> now, bar any, that was a feisty, feisty meeting, a couple of plants in there, a couple of la rush people giving him a hard time. what do you say. >> you talk about let them eat cake. barney frank makes marine and

trois net look like a store front lawyer doing pro bono work. the ingreats are running the asylum and the people have got to stop showing up on both sides of these things, with hitler side and unless somebody has actively croaked 6 million of their fellow human beings, we've got to stop throwing this hitler thing around, it's a bad discard. here is my theory on barney, i think that barney has to feel intellectually superior to people because there's more primal self is mortified. he finally becomes a u.s. congressman and falls for the braun any paper towel kid. and he goes out like this, i think he likes to feel intellectually superior and i tell you what, he's pretty good about it. and maybe sort of like frederick meechham meets liberace. barney is a guy who has an attitude and the attitude is,

he's always right and if you don't know it, you're an idiot. >> edition it, he loves it. >> he loves it. >> he loves the battle there's no doubt. >> he's in such a wired district, barney could literally come dressed in the barney dinosaur outfit to congress and nobody would care. >> on what planet do you spend most of your time. 's going to get voted in. he knows he can throw his weight around. >> all right, bill clinton, north korea, you say what? >> this is a great story. good for clinton for going over there, 'cause that's a crazy land over there. by the way, you know when somebody's crazy you now how you know kim jong-il is crazy, when he's not rich and does the main room of the inside of the palace, green astroturf. what is with the green carpet. you're rich. clinton was class and took the bumper sticking, and said if the plane is arocking, don't come aknocking, i admire him for it. >> some say former u.n.

ambassador bolten, if you're going to do this and legitimize the dictator who cap toured these women they're going to keep doing it and he is can late it, what say you to that? >> i don't think anybody can judge it, you know what i mean, accurately, the terrorists, the families, the girls, it's easy to say that, but at some point you're missing the point. he can get your kid home. >> i agree. >> the only person who feels bad in this whole thing is biden. >> oh, right. because they got him playing freighto. >> and i'm smacked and i want the specks. >> and sending him to the back yard because he can open a beer bottle with his teeth and clinton gets to go over and play errol flynn. >> i don't see anybody having a beef with this other than biden. >> cash for clunkers, now, it looks like it worked, it looks like the american auto industry got a little bump from this and what do you think? >> well, the foreign auto industry got a little bump. i think four of the top five cars were foreign model. listen, it's just, i guess i'm

happy, it seems a little low rent to me. the shining city on the hill is now turned into fred sanford's front yard ♪ >> i mean, we might as well put the whole country up on blocks at this point. i guess it's part of the bureaucracy, but you know, in philly a guy is driving a $3500 car around and you put him into a $45,000 car, the mortgage crisis reduction coming six months down the road. why don't you let the guy keep the $4500 in his taxes so we don't have to watch him saddle up and get this handout from the auto thing and judge him harshly. >> yeah, i knew the cash for clunkers thing was in trouble when i saw jed clampett and granny drive up ♪ listen to a story about a man named jed ♪ . >> this seemed low rent to me. anything that helps, but really, it seems like too selective. there's a lot of industries in trouble. >> i like the fred sanford line though. we should put all of these cars out in front of the white house.

and with martin wilson sticking out doo, doo, doo. >> i want to provide everyone with a few brief updates on some of the channels we're dealing with right now. >> don't you think that it really isn't a press conference anymore, that it's just an excuse to get free air time from the networks? i mean, we'll give barack obama free air time anytime he wants, that's what we do on cable news, he's the president. they reemptied i think a special on nbc where alec baldwin meets sean penn and they give away money to poor people or something. >> abc presents alec baldwin and sean penn give away money to poor people for something. >> they preempted that and the press is there, but like little props. >> first a point in history a chick running for miss usa gets harder questions than the president of the united states

and i don't know what he's thinking the enchanted question. >> the first one hundred days what has surprised you the most about this office and enchanted you the most. let me write this down. >> it was like i was watching a brownie scout meet the jonas brothers for god's sakes. i guess's back tt times building now, sitting there around the fondue with the guys putting their bread into the fondue pot. >> and colmes is there, too. i don't know what his deal over, what's with the anal retentive need on closure of war against people. >> the battle of witt and strategy. >> i know he's already there, probably down in the west village in his l-shaped studio padding around with his feety jammies checking expiration dates on the yoplait in the fridge. if you want that assurety write the rule books for parker brothers. i thought helen looked

beautiful. the light bulbs beyoond barack obama were not green. waste asked to put the special touch on it. and looks like barack obama is letting it go a little bit. we know it's halloween and hillary was in the billing. i thought that was cruel. >> actually why i'm here is very important business, i'm coming in to do some last second lobbying to try to get the macy's people to put bill o'reilly balloon that i've designed for this year's parade and get this, you protect the underdog balloon. >> there's no need to fear, underdog is here. >> i love that. >> you're the underdog balloon. >> for the mayce's thanksgiving day parade. >> that's right. >> the factor balloon. >> and there. >> protecting the underdog. >> i like the miller balloon, too. you have some kind of fixation with paula abdul. now, paula's leaving american idol. don't know if that's the greatest career move. >> she'll land on her feet. no doubt she'll end up on another number one ranked show

where she can show up two days a week a little loaded for ten million a year, that's not fair, billy. the down side to the north korea story, we have the trade paula to north korea for the two chicks because you know, kim jong-il fancies himself a broadway singer ♪ give my regards to broadway . >> they say she's the only judge sympathetic enough to tell him he has a future. >> you're one of the kind. >> that's how we got the girls out of there. we trade paula to pyongyang. >> you never know what lives anybody. >> it's an mcchain stevenson hello larry move. >> i remember valerie harper had rota and another show called valerie. it was called valerie for god's sake ♪ >> she asked for too much money the next week i'm watching valerie, sandy duncan is playing valerie. you know, at some point you've got to tuck your ego away and take the chuck and thank god

you've got a lucky life. it's cold out there if i quibble with you too much, next week it's penelope ann miller time. >> i feel ridiculous! >> all right, i get it. >> is she available? >> coming up, miller sounds off on north korean dictator kim jong-il and press secretary robert gibbs. >> i'm watching the daily press conference, an eye patch, a bird on his shoulder and somali want a cracker. >> and next what does think about the nominated milk? be very afraid.

>> continuing now with the factor's miller time special as dennis and i dissect american idol. >> chris allen. >> do you care that at&t slipped up a little bit and more people voted for one guy than the other guy, do you care at all? i don't care. >> do i care. >> bill: yes. >> listen, obviously, there are bigger things to come.

we've got the demented chia head guy that stepped up from the daisy rifle to the big port bela. maybe we ought to turn it over to up on the house of representative, ratatouille who seems to be the commissar of the inconsequential and let him hold hearings. >> bill: i know what we can do to disarm korea, give him a reality show. >> i think that would work, billy that's brilliant and get them when they're marching, they've got the weird rocket march, we perfect a groin laser and fire a beam down and sever the groins out on the plant leg and flapping around like a broken window shade and bam we're in on them and the dogs are on the menu so long looking to get up and out. and we're in that meeting we were not told, in fact we were

told that water boarding was not being used. >> bill: i don't believe obama likes her, nancy pelosi, i'm getting the vibe on the leon pa netta thing. you know that leon would not have issued that release to the cia without telling obama. >> ooh, ooh, witchy woman. pelosi is a train wreck. there's blood in the water on her and i hope they bring in cue so's kids to document it. if you thought the eyes twitched in the past, watch her during the next couple of weeks, a hummingbird in time travel. she's not getting out of there. but if she makes one more mistake like that, they'll drag her out of there. >> she's not going to make a mistake, a gaffe a second and i don't know if he dislikes her. i do know he's embarrassed by her. this guy is ready to stroll into history for all time and he's got this shrieking hairdan mag

pie. >> bill: and calling about the pirates. >> yo ho, ho, it's the end of life for me. i think they shot him simultaneously all about spreading the wealth. if you shoot them in descending order, two pirates are standing there, wait a second, wasn't i good enough to blast first. they blasted them simultaneously and barack showing his human side. we're throwing the word pirate around now and won't say terrorist. i'm looking at the daily press conference, an eye patch, a bird on his shoulder, screaming somali want a cracker and screaming terrorist, terrorist, something had to give i'm glad it was their skulls. >> bill: now, you live in a very, very troubled state, a beautiful state, but you're now

paying the highest sales tax in the country, california. every time you turn around, you've got another tax being leafied on you. the state may go bankrupt because of the entitlements, the pensions the disabilities, the health care on and on on. is that unfair to you, dennis miller? >> it's unfair up to the point that i stay here. you know, i've discussed this. i have a contingency plan, there's a part i won't go beyond and it's not about greed, it's about some crazy thing in my head that i'd like to keep a buck for every buck i give away to strangers. it gets much beyond that and i'm going to split the state and i've heard trump is going to split new york and you know, i think it's getting to that point now where you've got to-- listen, i love to help the helpless, i don't care about the clueless, we're helping too many of the clueless these days and start to go bug me. >> bill: a good line. >> you don't get credit for it. now we've got janet napolitano coming out and talking about the

right wing con spirists, if you're going to hover over me, get rid of the hair cut. >> bill: i'm picturing frank and napolitano and it's just not working for. >> i love it when you loose control. >> bill: the white house says obama was not bowing before the king of saudi arabia, he was reaching down. >> as far as that gesture, you might go back to the previous democratic administration with bill clinton because i'm sure he had an accurate phrase for that gesture that just happened there. listen, i like gates, the way we're handling iraq, which is staying in like bush would, i like him going to the mat in afghanistan. but we've got to quit apologizing to every b-lister in a leopard skin fez and a doorman's outfit from the plaza hotel. america is a great country and

we need not constantly chide ourselves. they're the ones who whipped themselves on the back, not us. >> bill: okay. now, the white house says it wasn't a bow and you're saying what? >> i don't want to get thoo that what is this? >> it depends upon what the meaning of the word "is" is. >> a guy came up to a guy dressed like sergeant billco in a sketch and bent over at the hips. whatever you want to call it, it's weird. if he's going to bow for this, why doesn't he bow for the queen, for god's sake. >> bill: president obama going to denmark tomorrow, four hours over there, his wife is there, travelling to chicago. good thing, bad thing? >> as far as barack going, i don't have any trouble, i think i remember harry truman pulled the pin on the grenade via wireless and i am i assume he

can do it on air force one or oprah's plane i don't know which one, oprah's a nicer. if they don't award this olympics to chicago and thus to president obama, get ready to be deemed racist, that is the-- that is the mood. >> bill: so you agree with me, if he gets the olympics for chicago, it's a good thing, it's good for america, he's popular overseas and get on the television and do whatever he wants. no harm. >> i think it'd be great in chicago when you think about it. blago could be the mascot, he looks kind of cartoonist-- hey, kids, want a job in the senate? and they could bring the incendiary device in and we could have reverend wright do the invocation and i think the thing is pre-made. >> not god bless america, god damn america. >> bill: you know, that would liven up the crowd. that would make bob costas' head whip back. >> i don't believe it. >> bill: there you go.

>> that would make sports center. >> bill: and you know, you could throw out the first pitch. >> just a bit outside. if you practice a little bit. >> yeah. >> oh, you'll never let me-- >> never, miller, you'll never live at that down. more ahead as the factor moves along as miller gives his thoughts on my interview with barney frank. the factor and miller time will be right bab.

. >> continuing now with the o'reilly factor's miller time special. what does miller think about my interviews with congressman barney frank? here is goes. i have a bunch of very simple questions because as now i'm a very simple man. >> miller, i hate to say this, i don't think barney frank likes

me. i don't think so. >> oh, yes, oh yes. >> i said it wasn't a good investment. >> now, barney started off truculent. >> truculent is an adjective, and belligerent. >> bill: love that, but in the end, you know, it was almost like he was-- we were not pals, but there was some civility to it, right? >> you know, billy, if i'm going to row the boat across the river to the-- i don't want to see them start flinging cream pies. >> i'm going to get a bang out this have one. >> that got lovy dovy, did i say you two might go camping together, if you do, i want you to-- if you do, i want you to invite cheney and i 'cause i'm going to be laughing so hard. cheney is going to have to shoot me in the head to put me down. >> bill: that was a little sarcasm there.

as the sultan of sarcasm you can recognize the fact that i gave little jab. now, to pay for the enormity of the health care plan, one of the things that was floated, miller, is a so-called botox tax where people getting unnecessary plastic surgery would have to pay an sur charge to fund necessary medical things. frown for me. you say what? >> listen, i don't want biden and pelosi making calls on plastic surgery 'cause you look at her, if she was pulled any tighter she'd be an unopened bruns swagger tube. he looks like his head was attacked by the squid in the jules vern novel. i have 2500 plus, i have 2500 hair plugs here, you look at them. these were private industry, state of the art plugs, you couldn't tell if i didn't tell you and then look the biden's plug, who do you want making the call on your plugs, biden wouldn't pass for a ken doll. >> hey, joe, what are you doing?

>> you are intimating that both mrs. pelosi and the vice-president have had cosmetic surgery? >> no, no, she's just in a perpetual 24/7 wind tunnel. >> bill: on your radio program you've had a lot of calls on the fox news white house brouhaha, so what's the concensus? >> i don't know about them, but i have a feeling there's a sign on barack obama's desk that says the buck starts here. and i love the fact that every week he trundles out axlerod and emanuel like tweedle done and tweedle rob and they go out there and they tweak the nerves i guess and he's like the jock who hangs the rest of us up in our locker with a nuclear wedgy. what's next a position paper on who is hotter betty or veronica, they're acting like little kids. at some point when people say

doesn't this remind you of the kennedy presidency? i say you've got the decade right. i look at axlerod and rahm emanuel might as well as wear a brush cut like hr haldeman and erlichman. you remember that guy who used to flip him on a little. hey batter, batter, swing batter. >> bill: so what you're saying is that the pitcher's on the mound and you're going hey, you're a bum. hey, you're a-- and the pitcher is looking at you and breaking concentration and throws a ball and hit over the fence. that's barack obama and any kind of criticism he reacts personally to? >> it's more than that. you have to step up to the dugout and you have to say, each of your pitches is the greatest pitch i've ever seen in my life or he gets rattled. >> bill: let's talk about pin

etta and cheney. almost as if he's wishing that his country would be attacked again. >> well, look, i quote the great philosopher david lee roth, the bridge on panama. i think we're all running a little hot right now and i think we should all kind of maybe take a week off and ignore each other. let's face facts, in a 24/7 news cycle, all of us who are in that cycle are going to say something. you know? i don't think that panetta thinks cheney wants the country blown up. if you look at it, it looks like everybody is inferring something. >> bill: today i had two hebrew national hotdogs. >> nice. >> bill: they were delicious, they were the best, but i go home and then the cancer project is telling me, they're going to file a lawsuit on behalf of some

jersey people saying that hotdogs cause cancer and they have to be labeled like cigarettes. hotdogs. so, at the ball game it's like get your frank here, could 'cause cancer here. >> hotdogs. >> the guys that sell in the-- i don't know if the hand sanitizer is enough, now what i'm saying, the guys down on the street. i'm going into the establishments. you need more than purell, you need to buy the hotdogs with isotopes on it from the venned doors. the who had dogs are crap, that's what i dig about it. i don't need a warning on it just like people smoke cigarettes there was no warning label. saying if you don't no they're bad for you, you're lying through the hole in your trachea. less what, maybe i don't want to stay alive forever, to see the nim rods that tell you what to eat, drink and sleep here. who is the weiner here ♪ i'd love to be an oscar mayer

weiner ♪ . >> i'm going to start eating the hotdogs with cigarettes in them. >> now, coming up, miller and i chat about this year's academy awards and wait for it, tattoos. you remember that night you and i got blasted at smith and wilensky's and i got that tramp stamp. i've got to get that off. >> bill: great miller time segments coming up. ú.@@@o

. >> welcome back to this special miller time edition of the factor. this year, we talk to miller quite a bit about barack obama's report card. roll the tape. >> okay. now, barack obama's been in office for 50 days, and on your radio program, syndicated program you've been talking about his report card. please share it with us. >> you know, bill, i loathe to give him a grade because that unfairly categorizes him and i know he's working hard and well intentioned. if it works we'll give him an a. if it doesn't work we'll give bush an f. how about that. >> bill: explain. >> why should i give the man helming a grade. i don't know it's code phied like that anymore. >> bill: today he signed the ear mark bill and did it in private because he knows that it doesn't look good for him, who campaigned on no more earmarks and changes is in the air and as soon as he's there 900 million

dollars in the earmarks. >> you've got to take a little away from them. >> the man likes to spend i'm glad him and geithner not hitting us with a turn the clocks back. the man who can't quit smokings, i think he ought to start lighting up at the press conferences, how many zeros in 780 billion just start blowing those smoke rings out time after time. >> bill: now, i was impressed and i bet you were, too, the guy tries it stay in shape and nancy pelosi's aerobic power, up and down, in and outnight i just want to tell the parents out there who are looking to pre-order that for christmas, it's called the hack in the box, okay? you know what she was sitting down i thought she was a little

i thought somebody pumped a sedated dart in her haunch. if there's money involved she's up like a seal at sea world. >> bill: i like that. >> hello everybody, please have a seat. >> bill: there's a lot of criticism about barack obama on various programs and on the web and all of that. i didn't see anything over the line, did you? >> listen, he's got to get some rhino skin. it's a brutal job and if he's going to go on prompter like that, occasionally people are going to light him up. he's starting to make bush look like robin williams on mork for god's sake. >> nano, nano. >> i'm beginning to think this guy uses a propter when taking an eye chart test and occasionally somebody disparage him. my hero is jake tapper from abc, tap tap the chiseller and the guy from fox. >> bill: major garrett. >> yeah, i think that major does a nice job, but some of these

guys they cut out to the crowd and that corn guy is just s sitting there like beauty school drop-out in the grease movie ♪ beauty school drop-out, no graduation ♪ . >> he loves barack. some guys light him up and i think it's going to happen with increasing frequency. >> bill: i was at the laker game last night. >> yeah. >> bill: and jack nicholson and at half time i said are you going to the oscars, looking forward to seeing with you the dark glasses, not going. i don't think that anybody is going. >> there's a lot of locks, animated features, slum dog. >> good luck with that. >>. >> four our departure, somebody making too serious of a speech. sean on the milk and in the american movie business. >> i want to kiss everybody because you're the major choice. >> i like it, the center of my world? no, somebody's lost--

we're in l.a. and everything is lon steen, billy. instead of going to see milk, nobody has seen. they're going to see friday the 13th the 12th edition. >> if they want the money up on the milk thing and get more message, they need to get the footage of selma hayek breast-feeding that kid. >> why are you looking at me. >> the sports illustrated swimsuit edition, they washed out danica patrick's tattoo. what was that all about? are tattoos not sporting anymore? >> listen, you remember that night you and i got blasted at smith and wilensky's and i got that tramp stamp, i've got to get that off. >> bill: are tattoos so big in our culture now? >> they watched it out. >> bill: i'm not hip, membersil you're the hip guy.

>> if ear we cloaking this in the first amendment g-sting, what happens when they take it off and what's happened to my america. >> bill: still to cokocomden ni tackles the wanda sike's comments at the dinner. hey -- who's our best presentation guy? carl.

tell carl he's coming to new york with me. i thought you said carl was our best presentation guy. [ worker ] he is. just last week he told my team about fedex office print online for our presentations. we upload it to fedex office, then they print, bind, and ship it. the presentation looks good, right? yes, but -- wait, you didn't actually bring carl with you. good morning! but i digress. [ male announcer ] we understand. you need presentations done right. fedex office print online. i can tell you that childhood is a magical time. but for children with diabetes, life is not quite so carefree. the barbara davis center for childhood diabetes is fighting hard to find a cure. know the signs: irritability, excessive urination, weight loss. if you have any of these signs, please call your doctor. early detection can save your life.

give to save lives and reach for the cure. call now or log on to childrensdiabetesfoundation.org. >> thanks for staying with us. bill o'reilly and we continue with dennis miller and his analysis of wanda sikes at the correspondent's dinner. >> rush limbaugh i hope the country fails, i hope his kidneys fail, how about that? >> the first 15 minutes were fine, but then she got mean and here is my question to you, the remarks about limbaugh, about sarah palin were mean and then they flashed to obama laughing at the meanness. i don't think that does him any

good there, dennis. >> i don't think she was a pro that night. you know, comedians judged by somebody whether they're a pro or not by how funny it was or it wasn't, but i know it wasn't pro. at some point you get hired and she didn't fill the requisite out. i think wanda sikes was funny for a girl. that's a joke, wanda all she's doing is explaining that was a joke and the way i look at wanda sikes, i thought he was going to bring reverend wright in. >> aim a pastor, he's a member, i'm not a spiritual mentor. >> borat falls on eminem's head on the mtv awards. roll the tape. >> and by attack, it's floating. >> oh. >> oh, no. >> eminem nice to meet you. (blee (bleep). >> miller, can you explain this

to me? >> some people like their eminem plain and some like them with nuts (laughter) >> i don't know what that means. why am i laughing? >> yes, you do. >> i don't know-- i swear to god i don't know what that meant. all right, now. >> look at that and tell me what it means. >> this whole interrogation, torture situation, barack obama may allow a phony unnecessary show trial driven by the far left. what say you? >> i don't think he'll go ahead with it, i'll be honest with you, i've been pretty evenhanded with the president, giving him praise when i thought he deserved it, and quizzical when i don't understand that. he starts doing something like that he loses me, i'm off the reservation and if he's going to cater to light weights like patrick leahy on this. you sit on your porch in a late

summer night and one of those dried up daffodil's float by you, he's such a light weight. >> bill: i couldn't agree with you more, hengan disagree. >> who? >> we had him earlier in the program. >> is he the vlasic bigle bird. >> bill: i'll say this about the president, he's made an enormous mistake letting it go on this long. >> if it's-- >> all right. what is the beef against biden? >> you know what, biden's like when he acts like he's certain and knows about something. whenever he says, look, bottom line. >> look, the bottom line here is. >> you know he has no idea what he's talking about. this guy has vaccinated himself through the minor gaffes to the point he can reveal where he's hiding the terrorists and people go, that's joe. >> hey, joe, what are you doing.

>> but they got a new great hide away for him. big empty space with thick walls, it's inside pelosi's head. biden hurts himself so frequently they're going to put one of those plastic lamb shades that your dog gets after you get him neutered so he couldn't get at himself. >> scooby-doo! >> this guy is a gaffe a second for god's sake. >> bill: you see i loved that interview biden. do you think he'll ever do an interview with me, do you? >> i don't know if biden-- put it this way i don't know if biden is the vice-president. i think biden so believes his own crap that we all trend to believe it. i think this is a story he's telling a stranger at a diner where he's the second most powerful man in the country and he believes it so much that it's actually encroached on my life. i don't even believe he's in the senate. i don't believe there's a guy named joe biden. i think that joe biden hallucinates himself. >> it's time to press the reset

button. >> bill: the bremer haven zoo in germany imported four female penguins from sweden who are supposedly allegedly gay because the bremin zoo wants to see if they can persuade them to go straight. what say you? >> hard to believe the germans aren't flexible about this, because over the years you know, they're an open tent over there. i don't know much about penguins, i'll say this, but if a couple of gay ones want to swap beak in germany, i could care less. >> bill: i can't figure out how they know the penguins are gay. how would you come to that conclusion, do they wear tight t-shirts. how do you know? i don't know. what's the barometer here. >> a couple of things, their sex is very formal, the gay penguins. >> there's a mysterious ritual that dates back thousands of years. >> they wear the black and white

tuxedos. >> yes, and also when they do have an egg, it's already pre-colored which that sets off an alarm. >> if the penguin is gay, leave it alone. god made the penguin that way and who cares. >> when did you turn into such a reflective pya guy. >> bill: if you can stand it more, miller time is coming up. dennis examines air pelosi. #ññ

>> continuing with our special edition of the factor,here is dennis miller's unique take on speaker pelosi and the airplane controversy. >> if they can have a plane that goes cross country i'll take that plane. >> what do you think about my talking points memo on air pelosi, interesting, huh?

>> the interesting thing about lending pelosi an aircraft is it always comes back with an eye job on the cockpit where the window shields are pulled up at a really unnatural disturbing arc. that's the worst part about lending her a jet and the fact that somebody thinks this empty-headed pashmina mannequin has to be guarded from people will show you how absolutely mad the world has gone. this woman volunteers to go to g8 summits because she thinks the gulf stream will roll out the new modeling. >> i understand you were invited to dinner with chavez and obama, but you couldn't make it so how did you see it from afar? what was your assessment? >> well, listen, all through this campaign i heard from barack obama the words mattered, a picture is worth a thousand words. now, i understand keep your enemies closer, but you don't have to spoon this mook, okay? >> on the other hand--

>> imagine how embraced the spirit of a freedom fighter to look up and see barack obama in a pod in a zoo with this pig, it's unbelievable to me. you know, barack it appears that he does have some part of it is a bully, but he likes to people who bully, but who bully bullies. i don't understand why he would want to be in a photo op with this player from the sopranos. >> bill: what if you were the president, god help us, and this guy walked over with this dopey look in front of the cameras, what would you have done, hit him with the book? what would you have done? >> listen, i would have said, if this guy tries to get anywhere near me with a book, i want him tackled. i want to duck and cover like the old bomb shelter thing. >> first you duck, then cover. >> spain, what say you? >> i find it funny that they subpoenaed, they're thinking of subpoenaing alberto gonzalez as

if they had some proprietary sense and going over benicio del toro and cheech marin and quick draw mcgraw. >> and the fact is none of these guys are going to go down there, if that was any more of a kangaroo court, the judge would have a pump. >> bill: personally, if a country like spain is supposed to be an n.a.t.o. alley of ours and the prime minister, there's nothing to be gained from this, they want to make america look bad and the worst thing about it miller, they take the focus off the true evil, al-qaeda and the terrorists. that gets me really angry. >> well, listen, after the madrid train station bombing these guys folded like balsawood beach chair in a cat 5. and the only reason i go if

they're out of tobasco. >> bill: saving the best for last, miller chats with the clintons and a music cal tribute to helen thomas ♪ you are so beautiful to me >> don't miss this one, right bab with it.

>> as we wrap up the special miller time edition of the factor. softens on hillary clinton. could it be? >> i am so grateful to him for a

lifetime of all kind of experiences (laughter) >> we're debating on the radio factor, whether that was an intentional zing or just was an ad-lib that just happened kind of naturally? what do you think? >> i love that sort of stuff. good for her. you know, i've said in the past on this show that if hillary does want a zing she has, you know, plenty of right to. i mean, for god's sake she's been cheated on more frequently than a blind woman playing scrabble, but if it was a zing or if it was just sort of pillow talk in front of the nation, i found it endearing and i've ground fonder of hillary clinton since she ran for the presidency. i think it's emblematic of the rolling stones song, you can't

always get what you need. getting outside the bubble, getting outside this have man's shadow not quite the job she wants, but a great job. i think all has led her to a place where it's quite becoming, i find her very gracious and funny and i thought it was charming. >> bill: do you feel sorry for bill? >> bill is like a loopy horn dog, around the scene. he rolls with it, he more than anyone realizes imperfection. >> it depends on the meaning of the word "is" is. >> it's not that part of clinton that bugged me. how malicious he was with the women, he would sick carville on them and bugged me. but as far as his loopy, i thought he was malicious like a racoon in the recycling bin when he got cornered. >> bill: now let's get to a-rod. you're a sports guy, follow it, is this a big story for you?

>> well, you know, billy i gave up on baseball to some degree in 94 when they jumped the shark on the world series and haven't gone back completely to the game as it is. i'm in love with the game, the 90 feet between bases, the fields, i love all of it. nothing makes me happier than to be in a ballpark at night. it's more about the game to me now than it is the current construction of the game which i find disappointing and another thing that's emblematic of the off the rack conflicted culture we live in. this is smart on rodriguez's part though. i researched it during the two years he hit 57 and 52 homers on the juice, 109. i would probably give him credit for 40 a year if he isn't on the juice so that's 80 so he's going to say that's 30 home runs less 'cause i was cheating those two years and i think eventually he'll get into the hall because he hasn't completely lied about it like mcguire or taken the fifth like mcguire. >> my lawyers have advised me that i cannot answer these questions without jeopardizing

my friends, my family, and myself. >> bill: do you think the fans are going to brutalize him? i do. >> bill, if you've made 25 million dollars a year for ten years, and there's not a whole lot, i mean, living hell takes on a whole different thing. when you're sharing a mud whole with a wildebeest derriere in sub saharan africa, that's a living hell. he'll have reporters in his face, what do you do, get on with it. >> bill: the rumor is you're going to be on dancing with the stars shortly, is that true? >> i heard you're on next year with barney frank. ♪ >> now what the heck is that all about. >> bill: i'm not dancing with barney. if i'm dancing on the show ann-margret is coming out with me. >> and here is you on dancing with the stars. you're walking around doing a pirouette with july i ann hough. you spin to the camera in that satin shirt and tearing jeffrey immelt a new one on top of the

camera snie used to be a wicked disco guy. air big on the dancing with the stars deal, huh? >> who do you refer to, you act like you don't watch. what are you sitting at night watching the factor on a perpetual loop. >> bill: i've never watched this program, miller. i read books. >> i'm sure you're curing lepers and throwing factory pottery in the kiln. >> bill: so i can understand what you're talking about. >> i like the show it's-- where else are you going to get that. >> i know what it means. >> it's like the wincked witch f the east. >> bill: helen thomas i guess i was mean to her. >> it's nice to be included in the broadcast. the rice bowl is the bust on you and my rice bowl is to help you

get off the hook so here goes nothing, helen ♪ you are so beautiful to me ♪ can't you see ♪ you're everything i hope for ♪ ♪ you're everything i need helen ♪ you are so beautiful to me . >> you know, miller, everybody's happy. i just am very glad you do not sing "off to see the wizard" ♪ we're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz ♪ . >> thank god. dennis miller everybody and that's it for the o'reilly factor special edition of miller time. we hope you have enjoyed it and we hope you'll check out bill o'reilly.com, some great gift ideas on there, the factor patriots store and then you can find a premium member from your house, i'm bil