by closed captioning services, inc welcome to" red eye." it is like send in the clowns if by clowns you mean penicillin. let's go to andy levy. andy, what's coming up on tonight's show? >> oil giant bp sets up a hotline where they figure out how to clean up a spill in the gulf of mexico. what could possibly go wrong? and is chris kristi the best politician ever? some video says yes. other video says, settle down, spar key. and there is proof she is socialist. we will examine the breaking news that someone in college thought socialism is a great ideament. >> thank you, andy. >> shut up, jerk. >> if you love someone, set them free. i am here with the wonderful diana who hosts the

diana falzone show on pal talk .com. she is so hot all her clothes must be diana falzone retardant. and writer and web show host. she is so adorable that hello kitty has an allison ak-47. what she does with it is her business. and my repulsive sidekick, bill shultz. fyi, he is actually on the dollar menu. he is on the menu. and sitting next to me, the delightful comedian tom shallou. if jokes were roofing material he would have shingles. and his rhymes are lame and he has no game. good to see you you bag of nothing. >> times reviewer al scott calls ridley scott and russell crowe's robin hood update, quote, a more badly acted and sadder version of "gladiator." i am paraphrasing or as i like to call it "better phrasing."

>> i think you coined a word you classless piece of trash. like a sad faced girl spending prom night alone british petroleum sit alone. just when you thought the clean up cooperate get gushier, the company set up a hot hotline looking for clean up ideas from you. the so-called experts are reaching out to the general public ob yusly -- obviously known for their expertise. it is to fix a disaster they themselves can't fix. and an on-line suggestion box received 5 million awesome suggestions. says the bp spokesman, quote, it is just unbelievable. people are not only offering products, we are getting a lot of calls. there are people from ideas on how to fix it. if you have suggestions on how

to soak up 4 million gallons of black gold call 1-866-448-5816. actually that's diane's number. in fact, we at "red eye" have come up with a plan to stem the oil flooding our oceans and we are sharing it with bp. i believe we have tape. >> i got my goggles. i got my sponge. i am ready to jump into the oil and absorb the crap out of it. all i need is my snorkel. where is my snorkel? >> it is in here. >> bill, that was fantastic. >> thank you, thank you. the orchestra cost a fortune. >> have you considered sending it into sundance? >> already sent.

well, it is called fun dance. welcome back. love your peach-colored shirt or sweater. does this hotline inspire confidence in bp? >> it doesn't inspire confidence. even when the people i have seen toilet paper -- who did that, johnson and johnson? i didn't believe they were interested in my opinion on that. why would these guys be interested? >> normally this would be suitable for picnic recipes. not for actual catastrophes. allison, disagree with me. >> i want to. i think this is insidious and deeply offensive that they are trying to crowd source something that is a catastrophe and it is ridiculous they don't know what they are doing. on "who wants to be a millionaire" when they poll the audience they know the right answer. but what year did "pretty woman" come out is not the

same as how do you spell something that is horrible. if somebody know hows to solve the problem, they will not tweet it. >> it is true. it is like when you are in a bar and you are arguing over who played second base in the 1982 san francisco giants. you go and google it. that's what they expect everybody to do, google solving an oil spill. they say there are good suggestions. filling nylon stockings with hair. would you give up your hair if it could stop this? >> and save the sea mammals? absolutely. i think it is smart marketing. everybody hates them right now. they are ruining resort locations. a lot of people are losing money. forget the environment. peta can get mad at me. they are messing up tourism. it is a way to say, look, we care about your opinion. they are trying to get the people back on their side. >> it is too late. >> it is too little, too late, of course. >> bill, i know you will disagree, this is a tough job.

they are shipping millions of oil all over the world. it is rare catastrophes. >> taking your nightly insults is a tough job. i did not destroy an entire bio sphere. should they be sodomized by demon donkies? yes. having said that -- >> demon donkies you consider it a punishment? >> okay. i'm rewarding them because it is a good idea. they have get a demon donkey from me, boys. there are these two contractors on you tube that they are actually thinking of using their idea that involves lots of hay being spread out and apparently it is quite absorbent. the you tube video lasted only a minute. apparently it is going to work. >> i think i will move on from there. >> allison gave me an idea. julia roberts, hair, nylon, i see a plot for "pretty woman

2". >> have a a lot of hair. from cats fro fee to a kristi-tophy. is the next obama a large, jolly white guy. maybe. i speak of kris kristy the republican governor new jersey. the first-year lawmaker is catching fire across the country like something that catches fire. and like obama he can talk. here he is responding to a columnist who responds to him as being kurt. -- curt. >> you know, tom, you must be the thinest skinked -- skinked -- skinned guy. >> that's not confrontational. i love what people say they don't want to have argument

that's what we were sent here for. they believe in certain things. they believe in bigger government, higher taxes and more spending. here it is. bigger government, higher taxes and more end and ling. -- and more spending. i believe in less government, lower taxes and an empowering local official who are elected by their citizens to be able to fix their problems. 245* may lead to a dis-- that may lead to a disagreement or two. >> i could say it very nicely. i could say it in a way you all would be more comfortable with. maybe we can go back to the last administration and i can say it in a way you wouldn't understand it. but the fact of the matter is, this is who i am. this is who the people elected. >> i like that. i like the tie. the columnist did respond. he mocked democrats in a press

conference for a half an hour. it is an odd tactic. does he think slapping them around will win them over? i like that. as always, we go to red eye senior political reporter an relynx. what do you make of it? >> wow. >> that's a pretty typical response from angry lynx. >> he was responding to a question from tom the reporter. i respect him for that. >> i like christie. finally a person with a personality. >> i love him. he is big and fat and tells everyone to tighten the belt. people think it is hipocritical, but it is good. >> i like to separate it. i like the fact that he has energy. >> the fat is part of it. >> really? >> yes. he is a big guy. >> he is full of energy,

literally. >> if you look it up, it is stored energy. >> ironically someone carrying the pounds is sluggish, but not him. >> no, he jokes about it. he likes to joke about his weight i like the guy. >> finally somebody interesting. >> is this man ready for the big stage? >> well, he looks like steve shrippa. so know. -- so no. what i find the most annoying about this clip, and i realize that you guys don't seem annoyed by it, but i am, the people around him, they are saying, give him hell. i didn't find the reporter's question that confrontational. >> here is the thing. christie says he has been the victim of a lot of angry stuff. they basically were saying he should die. so for somebody to ask him about decorum he is like, screw you. i like the way he did it. when obama gets mad, he

scolds. when this guy -- he talked to you like a bartender, pay up your bill. >> i think it was in the manor in which he said -- he was gruff and rude and i think he dressed down the reporter and made him the scapegoat of all the anger toward the teacher. >> i think he was not angry. i think he was having fun. >> he was smug. >> what was the question? >> i didn't ask a question. i would like to ask one. what do you make of christie? what do you make of the reporter? >> i am making you a little drink, something a little sweet. i love the fact you describe him as hulky, bow he myth. we are by far the most beautifully written show. >> i think this is awesome. i do like what he said. i have to give it up for the columnists. he took a boring story and he

put that bad boy on page one by merely asking the right question. well done to him. and well done to you. and now to the greg-alogue. ingis a wigwam of wisdom. here we go. so a friend asked me to explain the mess in greece, and i tried to make it sim -- simple. the people who keep spending money even though their credit cards are maxed, that's greece. remember the phrase taking candy from a baby? imagine the baby is unionized and prone to arson. now watch them point out what greece must do in exchange for a bailout. to cut the deficit, greece must reduce easter and summer bonuses for a civil servant. easter and summer bonuses. they get bonuses because the weather changes.

i wonder. do they get showing up on time bonuses or special peck bonuses for their prize miniatures. we are in the imf and throwing billions at creeks living high for years. in athens alone there are nearly17,000 swimming pools. it is nice to know we are footing their chlorine bills. lose the toga. government employment makes up 50 par of the total. in 2007, state employees made 32% more than private sector workers. since the start of the recession, the state added 13,000 employees during a hiring freeze. you know they report going anywhere. it is easy to get canned. trust me, i know. but a public servant is rosy. if you disagree with me, you are a homophobic racist who erases homo fobs.

>> allison, summer bonuses, we are bailing out a country that were giving out bonuses because it is summertime. >> first i want to commend you on the math in your greg-alogue. >> i didn't cut and paste that from other blogs. >> you would never. you typed it one finger at a time. >> i did the primary research myself. >> people need bonuses in the summer. there is more waxing involved. i wasn't aware pools were so expensive. i keep reading there are 17,000 pools where people in athens only declared 364 pools. i didn't know pools were taxed. >> i think they have like a 20% value added tax increase. >> i just don't know how pools affect home ownership. >> they were lying about pools so they don't pay taxes.

>> no wonder their economy collapse. >> to think they created the pyramids. tom, is this going to happen in the united states or california? >> i don't know. they are adding these tacks in greece which will not help. they said they will tax cigarettes. everything will go black market. >> including the pools. >> they used to be an uh steer nation until she started putting big fat in front of everything and everything got out of control. >> i hear greece and i think of "mama-mia." they had the great hotel. and now it is not great. >> my parents just came back from greece. they said the protesting was going on, but didn't think the tourism was that badly hurt. generation after generation

the greeks were spoiled. they were getting pensions and 14-month salaries, and they were living the high life. the people affected is this generation. you are in a lot of greek practices. >> you have seen my fine china. those are replicas of originals. >> i have been told the cast of mama-mia" is still standing. but not "a bel -- abba." >> that would make sense. >> it is a depressing, depressing scene. >> and now there is resistance. >> you know when i hate resistance? when i am doing my greek practices. >> now that you are coming in saying you have to do all these things. >> and they have to be thankful. >> you greek people.

>> say adios to any into. that's french for goodbye. the company that sin daw indicates the annie comic strip announced it would be no more after an 85-year run. here is a picture of the strip. the iconic red-headed orphan is known for wearing a red dress and apparently having no eyes. that freaks the hell out of me. the final comic strip will be on june 13th. go away creepy eyeless freak. anybody else sad about this? >> i didn't know it was still around actually. >> neither did i. >> i think she has eyes, but no pupils. >> well, how lazy for the cartoonist to draw in pupils 1234 that's the easiest part. i can draw a pupil. and well start with the eye and work around it. >> i thought that's how she became an orphan. she is blind and then that's why she needed the dog. >> she was not blind.

she just wanted ka companionship. >> i didn't follow it closely but there is something wrong with daddy warbucks. they are monsters. these people are monsters. >> daddy war bucks was a sexual presented dorlex lieu thought. you are a fan of annie or nancy and sluggo. >> they had cool hair and a chemistry. >> cooler hair than annie? >> annie was like pepsi and nancy and sluggo was like coke. you can like both of them at the same time. that's why they are happy and get ice cream. i have to move on. coming up, the diet food low in calories and high in protein and lightful to eat. that's right. it is the human ear. >> can a world exist without law and order? check out my apartment.

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bgesmartenergy.com, and pamper your home with a quick home energy check-up. [sigh] ah... the efficient life is the good life. socialist tool. but it is judging her now that is not so cool. elena kagan's old college thesis is in the news again. killed somebody. no, just kidding. erickson posted it entitled "to the final conflict" proving that kagan is an avowed social li. kagan asked why a radical party never received the status of an american force. she con clouds -- concludes. >> through its own internal feuding, the socialist party

exhausted itself to the . of significance it has never recovered. the story is sad for those who more than a half a century of a socialism declines still wish to change america. help me. >> she had a deeper voice in college. >> and she didn't move her lips. >> anyway. riveting. almost as riveting as this. >> i take that back. the thesis is no where as riveting as that. the thesis has been pulled at the request of prin stone university. look, we have all done crazy things in college and embraced socialism. i think you embraced strange

thing which i believe i have tape of. >> you had the moves. i >>- q. i loved how i wanted to wear my cheerleading uniform. >> tom, who didn't write a paper on socialism in college? >> that's why i dropped a paper in college. i didn't write a thesis and it is not out there to haunt me over the dumb things i would have said. >> you have no paper trail. look when you do something stupid in college you change your mind, renounce it or you don't. she hasn't announced it because obama would not be nominating her. >> i was the bigest beeline mellon fan, and that is just part of my past now, but that

is not a good example because i would enjoy listening to them now. >> like the one song with the bee girl. she was on "red eye." >> she -- no she was not. >> yes, she was. she is 73 years old now. >> she ages quickly. i was talking about a story. socialism is appealing to college students because when you are naive $like, how can everybody bree cared for. -- everybody can be cared for. they have no idea how socialism is paid for. they shouldn't be allowed any n ps. it was 29 years ago. >> that's the point. i varied about it saying i i was going to be a buddhist. it doesn't translate over the year. we are very idealistic at that age. >> i can bring a charge.

>> i think the republicans have turned into the party crying socialist woful. >> well, wolves a social li. -- socialist. do you have a comment? it is red eye at fox news .com. call 212-462-5050. still to come, the half time report from andy levy. >> tonight's half time report is sponsored by elastic man. sure he is good at sport, but for anyone in the locker room, you know where his real talent lies. thanks, elastic man.

welcome back. let's find out if we've got anything wrong so far. for that we go to andy levy. andy, something about baseball that makes no sense to anyone. >> an exsais separated response delivered in a long, suffering tone. it is so much better when we shorthand it. bp sets up tip hotline. greg, you said girl spending prom night alone, british petroleum waits by the phone. bp hasn't been called british petroleum insurance is 1998. it is just bt. >> i am just on a call back. >> trying to rhyme something? >> probably. tom you said the hotline doesn't inspire confidence. i can only assume you think average americans are stupid. why do you hate america? >> the companies always think

they are involving the public. the suggestion box in the diner gets ignored. >> he whispered he hates america. >> absolutely. >> bill, you said taking greg's insults every night is a tough job, but you haven't ruined an entire by bio sphere. >> do i really? please tell me you have maps and charts. >> the russian palm says we should use a controled under ground nuclear blast. >> i love them. i. >> they say the underground explosion squeezes their channel and uh apparently the coof yet did it five times and only unsuccessful a couple times. >> there are a lot of two headed whales. >> they killed the pirates and nobody cares.

>> and the second base man for the 82 giants was joe morgan. >> i hate joe mar began. not a good color comeentator. >> chris chris stey. the guy sanding next to him could not be more annoying. he has a face that you want to go -- >> greg-alogue. you asked if pet workers get pet bonuses? >> it has been illegal to keep miniatures. they are half man. >> and the other half, awesome. >> also please be a little embarassed for referencing "mama-mia." it is it is an ma -- an amazing movie. when preers pros anyone breaks into song, nothing matters in the world. no greek fiscal crisis or pea

trying to pronounce this. shame on you about saying good things about organ annie. it is some of the best literature that we've got, and it is important to note gray was liber tear yep in politics. and it was a rare portrayal of a successful businessman who is not evil. >> you read these. >> i d you are a progressive is. if i had a chalkboard, your face would be on it. >> sex, predator, lex luthor. >> what was your favorite? annie fire bombs dresden. i >>- q. i like the one where she got a job at scores. >> that was the later period. >> remember when she spiked the tylenol of the -- tylenol.

-- >> you that seen the grenade since she was 80. and then she strangled the lamb crowd. >> age gracefully annie. she dated sean penn and dumped him for a bag of up so. i don't blame him. >> i don't even feel like doing this anymore. greg, pri ncetons are not known as yalies, they are known as [bleep [. we have to dleep that. i i yo. you said you are not a buddhist now and you are not chanting every night. >> right. >> you must be were the wrong guy. >> you sly dog. >> nowhere to go from there, andy. nowhere to go. and lastly, you guys talk about this thesis which is meaning less far more rent poly lionel richie tells them

about kagan. i don't know much about her, but she has a few writings you can prove there is law, that may be a better approach. >> he was alone with her alone in his mind. >> i am going with lionel richie. >> go away. i'm tired of him. she is so hot the word hot is suing her for copy write infringement. allison rosen is more adorable than two my little ponies. and if clever satire was a nasty piece. it has been ripped from the headlines. "law and order" is no more. nbc said they canceled it over 83 years. and on the verge of becoming

the longest run running drama in prime time passing" wings of fierce" and" half men." they still get their new "law and order." it is about coming up with funny spinoff names. can't wait for that. what is going to take the place of "law and order"? this. >> i can watch that for hours. unfortunately on this show we can't. tom, do you like "law and order"? >> i was on it. you c give me a -- can you give me a theme. i ran with a guy for uh -- awhile. but i don't know nothing about no murder. and i have to get back to work. >> that's the weird thing

about how they treated the police. the guys interviews say yeah i have to go. >> new yorkers are busy. we don't care. >> amazing. you can sit at home and watch 16 hours and not learn anything because it doesn't matter. >> for me "law and order svu does" but regular law and order is just something where i turn it on and think, damn it is not svu. and if you are on airplane, that's the only thing that is showing and i hate it. i am happy to see this one go. >> are you going to miss it? >> i don't watch it and i don't care. great for them. i am not going to watch the los angeles one either. >> i have a problem, so i have to go to you. you don't have a tv. >> but i do read sometime.

you read to me. the one thing i was strucken by is they were interviewing the crew and the license guys. how twenty years and it is over. they are like, yeah, we know we have been doing this for 20 years and now it is all done what other show -- you were on a knar bc drama for 20 years find one other guy who has had a steady job that long. >> i have two issues and then i have to move on. "law and order" the obvious villain was never the villain. that goes against everything in riel life. the guy who is the killer is the killer. on "law and order" it is a rich socialite who has planned the whole thing. he is willing to ep jeprodize his billions. >> it is always the sexual predator daddy war bucks.

>> it comes out of the liberal guilt. the villain is always rich. i find it tedious, and now i must move on. coming up, we will talk to dean norris.

>> doing the job you are supposed to. why should you be the one who pays? paying for doing the right thing. >> maybe it wasn't the right thing. that's not what the job is. i'm supposed to be better than that. >> that's a look at the emmy

winning drama series "2 and a half men." no, it is breaking bad. it is the story of a high school chemistry teach -- teacher accused of making meth with former student. my next guest plays hank, an aggressive federal enforcement agent, but to recognize him in that guy who has been in every 200 years. we are glad to welcome dean. >> 320 years? >> no, 20. people who haven't seen 24 show, why they are not sue pied for holding this show. >> i don't know why. it is a phenomenal show. maybe they don't get amc. we are picking up ratings every season. >> bet me get this straight. this is a pro meth show, right?

you make a lot of money. nobody is eating. what is the downside. >> it is defer -- the down shot is right there, you are getting shot. you know, it is not a -- leak like any shows co owe the consequences of drug use. >> to compare it to another show like "weeds." i think they roman tau size the idea of selling drugs. you couldn't do it as bad if the cancer didn't have cancer. you couldn't have a teacher selling meth, right? >> right. that started the ball rolling. he needed main to take care of his family. now we are in our third season, he is feeling the power and all of that stuff that goes along with it. certainly the initial region is to make money. >> i have to ask you about

bruen cranston. apartment believe he is the guy in malcolm in the middle. i think. it is an incredible departure. that's why they call it acting. >> and he is a better kisser in real life. >> fan it is a stick. >> have you done research in the area of crystal meth in order to enrich the character into i >>- q. , but i have -- >> no, i have done research in wdea. studied the dea. >> you have been in motion pictures and tv for a longtime. is meth an issue in that area? there are long areas and it is to administer than cocaine. do you see it as a growing problem where you are? >> no.

not as far as i though. >> i have never seen it my friend. i have nef been the coke phase, but it is the industry -- >> my nose. >> yeah, it wasn't you, it was just your nostril. >> your nose has some great time. >> you still have your septum and you went to harvard. are you the most famous alumni? >> no, i think it was a typo. i am definitely not the most famous. conan owe drien is the mo famous. >> why did you add? >> history, whatever. >> you have been in a lot of amazing tv shows and you have been in -- were you in any schwarzenegger films? were you in "total recall"? >> i most definitely was.

i was the guy that said, you have a lot of nerve showing your face around here. he says, look who's talking. i did that at turn natter 2. >> did you spend a lot of quality time with arnold? >> on total recall we did. we were all down there and we hung out with each other. we did this one thing where you hold on to two metal poles and they start doing some sort of yen rating electricity. who ever can hold on longest, and he beat me. >> he beat you with the actual polls. we have to go. go ahead. >> no. i was saying the first person i was supposed to grab was her arm so i had to grab him by the shirt. >> he is a big guy, scary goodr. awesome success with "breaking bad" it airs on sunday.

you guys have to check it out. coming up next, mail time. check out our poz cast.

well, ladies, meet the g shot.

it is a procedure working for one new orleans woman who says it has re it revitalized her mayor >> and the g shot costs about $1200. and doctors say it is safe, but for some reason it just doesn't work on everyone. for more information on tonight's story, go to abc .com. the shot lasts between 4 and 6 months. susan says that is one appointment she will not miss. it worked for her. >> she is enjoying peanuts a little more, is she? >> she is enjoying her sex life a little more. she and her husband. >> that man is a god. >> we need to get him on. >> an american hero that man. it is mail time. you write and i read and then we catch a movie in a theater

made of fwlood. -- filled with blood. paul from jersey city, new jersey, redundant if you ask me, he began a sentence with the words "more important" and then quickly. >> paul, thanks for the helpful tip on this use of vis-a-vis importantly whatever. as is a special gift i will send uh homemade snack i made myself from my own personal recipe. enjoy. i worked really, really hard. >> you did. >> paul from new york, "red eye" is the best show on the air. you and andy have a common sense of the esh yous and not afraid to speak the truth. i would like to can you for pointing out that contrary to the belief of a few guests,

cops are not mindless storm troopers and as for bill, i don't always agree, but i i don't agree with his opinions. and from new york city, i have a few unpaid parking tickets i need to get physicaled. -- ices ifed when a playground is empty it does look like a parking lot. don't look at me like that, people. dustin from columbus, ohio, that blonde chick was pretty hot. you will have to narrow it down. of course i assume this one. or maybe this one. it is a toss up. what do you think? >> they are both gorgeous. >> they are really gorgeous. >> after this show, glug, glug, glug. >> and it is your turn to wear

the wig tonight. >> we will close things out with a post game wrap up with andy levy. to see clips of recent shows go to fox news .com slashed with eye.

now we go back to andy levy for the post game wrap up. >> cool stuff is going on with your book. >> a lot of cool stuff. i'm surprised you asked. right now if you go to amazon .com, you will find my book and it is currently number one in the entertainment political good section. i guess there are 60 manage there. it is number 2 in nonpolitical fiction. it is not even out yet, andy! it is not even out and already at the top of the charts. what's going on? go to amazon .com and order the book. for all of you red eye fans, at the activity pit i will be

there from 8:00 to 9:00, had a live chat and maybe i may give away a poke or two. >> just trying to figure out why you were surprised if i asked when i told them you didn't you played along. >> well done. >> what do you have going on may 27th? i will be at fort irwin in california doing the event for the troops. i'm excited. >> that makes me feel like crap. >> you are going out with the troops. i. >> quickly, what is this. >> pop, pop, quiz, quiz, do you know what time it is? >> school is back. >> the clear is up. so don't procrastinate. >> get organized because you will be the teacher's pet. >> yeah, that was just me getting ready for back to school. >> the thing that was uncomfortable was the shoes. >> back to you, greg. >> thank you, diana and bill and allison.